is that even a proper word

Ways to un-stick a stuck story
  • Do an outline, whatever way works best. Get yourself out of the word soup and know where the story is headed.
  • Conflicts and obstacles. Hurt the protagonist, put things in their way, this keeps the story interesting. An easy journey makes the story boring and boring is hard to write.
  • Change the POV. Sometimes all it takes to untangle a knotted story is to look at it through different eyes, be it through the sidekick, the antagonist, a minor character, whatever.
  • Know the characters. You can’t write a story if the characters are strangers to you. Know their likes, dislikes, fears, and most importantly, their motivation. This makes the path clearer.
  • Fill in holes. Writing doesn’t have to be linear; you can always go back and fill in plotholes, and add content and context.
  • Have flashbacks, hallucinations, dream sequences or foreshadowing events. These stir the story up, deviations from the expected course add a feeling of urgency and uncertainty to the narrative.
  • Introduce a new mystery. If there’s something that just doesn’t add up, a big question mark, the story becomes more compelling. Beware: this can also cause you to sink further into the mire.
  • Take something from your protagonist. A weapon, asset, ally or loved one. Force him to operate without it, it can reinvigorate a stale story.
  • Twists and betrayal. Maybe someone isn’t who they say they are or the protagonist is betrayed by someone he thought he could trust. This can shake the story up and get it rolling again.
  • Secrets. If someone has a deep, dark secret that they’re forced to lie about, it’s a good way to stir up some fresh conflict. New lies to cover up the old ones, the secret being revealed, and all the resulting chaos.
  • Kill someone. Make a character death that is productive to the plot, but not “just because”. If done well, it affects all the characters, stirs up the story and gets it moving.
  • Ill-advised character actions. Tension is created when a character we love does something we hate. Identify the thing the readers don’t want to happen, then engineer it so it happens worse than they imagined.
  • Create cliff-hangers. Keep the readers’ attention by putting the characters into new problems and make them wait for you to write your way out of it. This challenge can really bring out your creativity.
  • Raise the stakes. Make the consequences of failure worse, make the journey harder. Suddenly the protagonist’s goal is more than he expected, or he has to make an important choice.
  • Make the hero active. You can’t always wait for external influences on the characters, sometimes you have to make the hero take actions himself. Not necessarily to be successful, but active and complicit in the narrative.
  • Different threat levels. Make the conflicts on a physical level (“I’m about to be killed by a demon”), an emotional level (“But that demon was my true love”) and a philosophical level (“If I’m forced to kill my true love before they kill me, how can love ever succeed in the face of evil?”).
  • Figure out an ending. If you know where the story is going to end, it helps get the ball rolling towards that end, even if it’s not the same ending that you actually end up writing.
  • What if? What if the hero kills the antagonist now, gets captured, or goes insane? When you write down different questions like these, the answer to how to continue the story will present itself.
  • Start fresh or skip ahead. Delete the last five thousand words and try again. It’s terrifying at first, but frees you up for a fresh start to find a proper path. Or you can skip the part that’s putting you on edge – forget about that fidgety crap, you can do it later – and write the next scene. Whatever was in-between will come with time.
when you're autistic but you still wanna be cool online

- when ur reblogging a post about your special interest and ur trying to decide whether or not infodumping and screaming in all caps in the tags would be annoying

- “am i close enough with this person to use u instead of you? do i even need to wait? can i use “u” with strangers??”

- “you’ll have to forgive me for this…” no that sounds way too formal what’s the Normal way to phrase it?

-“is this a situation where proper grammar and spelling is necessary?”

- “i’m feeling an emotion ?? what do people do when they feel an emotion? swear??? yeah i can do that what’s the right swear word to use in this context?”

- when you’re re-reading a post before you post it and find words like “therefore” and u gotta rewrite the whole thing

- when your grammar is both too formal and too casual and ur not sure if what u said was phrased awkwardly

- when you run out of words to say so you respond to everything with ‘aaaaaa’

- “was that a nice thing to say???? did that seem blunt or rude? how do i tell?? i don’t want them to think i hate them. best to be overly positive just to be sure”

- typin how you talk in real life…… so there are fuckin ellipses everywhere……… cause you pause a lot. and then you feel weird about it.

- “is this person being rude or am i misinterpreting it? best to just not respond at all”

With pack-bonding and stuff … what if humans are the only species who developed body language as an instinctual means of communication?

Humans are known for being terrifying in battles … especially if there’s more than one of them. They can coordinate their attacks without talking to each other. They only need to glance at each other and they know when and where to go. When asked about this mystical near-telepathy, most just make one of their strange movements-with-meanings called a “shrug” [note: a “shrug” suggests confusion or uncertainty] and say it has something to do with “knowing” the other person.

Sensible species explain what they’re doing when they want to work together. Yet once when when we were attacked by pirates, the two human guards barely said a few words. One whispered “Watch the green one.” - barely even a proper order! - and that was all they needed to charge forward.

They didn’t even need to shout their plans to each other when the two Z'arzz started the pincer movement they’d discussed before boarding. One human just stopped, the other hadn’t even asked her to distract them, she just did it! Charging forward and causing chaos almost immediately was a massive advantage for us. With only the cargo crew of a food shipment, it got us the extra time we needed to plan.

After we came to an agreement and took over, seeing them “team up” against the massive Grulnar (also known as “the green one”) was incredible - a reminder of the power of pack predator species. They barely even spoke and yet it was like they were wearing comms and voice-silencers. They moved like a hive-mind species, but with the tenacity and grace of humans to boot. I would have excreted in fear had I seen such powers used against me.

The pirates never stood a chance.

Submitted by @poichild
Quotes I've Said While Reading Fics PT. 4

*thinking to myself* Oh god, how do I respond? How does one respond when your mother asks what you’re reading. I’m reading smut, mom.
*Out loud* Oh, just an online story.

“She seems too nice. This won’t end well…”
“FUCK, I WAS RIGHT.”

“I can’t even focus on the words, it’s 2 am, the screen is swimming. I need to go to bed.”

“Oh! I know the perfect song to go with this chapter!”

“Did you make a fucking Frozen reference? Followed by a Mean Girls reference? No.”

“That’s inaccurate.”

“What is punctuation? This person doesn’t know.”

“This is just words. Where are the paragraphs?”

“This isn’t proper grammar or spelling. Stop it. Get some help.”

“Wow, what a sick burn!” *Ironically dabs*

“In the words of Daniel James Howell: back thE FUCK UP.”

“Don’t these characters know that death is bad for someone’s health?”

“Oh my god! Clean and sharpen your knife! If you keep using it without proper care, it won’t kill people as easily!” *Whispers* “I’m sane, I promise.”

“I swear if he does what I think he will, I’m throwing my phone.”

“I’M THROWING MY PHONE.”
“I’m talking to myself, shit.”

It’s essay season! Gear up with the Recursive Paragraph model. lt is best used for persuasive essays and is especially useful in integrating research to support your claims. I will overview the six steps that will get you writing brilliant paragraphs for your next essay. Keep in mind, by the time you are using this paragraph model, you will probably have a thesis and an outline and your research ready.

Part One: The Controlling Idea

  • a.k.a. the “topic sentence”
  • Give your reader and idea of what this paragraph is going to be about.
  • This is usually one of the “points” that is supporting your thesis.

Part Two: Contextualize

  • This is where you introduce your quotation/citation that will support your argument.
  • How does it relate to your “controlling idea”?
  • How would you introduce it to a friend?
  • Assume your audience (your professor or teacher) is familiar with the material–no need to over-contextualize.

Part Three: Citation

  • This is where you integrate your citation, whether it be an in-text citation, block quote, or summary.
  • Make sure to use proper citation so as not to plagiarize!
  • Be sure to smoothly integrate the citation, using author names, for example: “Even Herbert Blau states that…” That is just one of thousands of possibilities.

Part Four: Analyze

  • This is where you break apart and close read your citation.
  • Thinking about how you would explain to a friend is helpful.
  • Try to break down the citation into smaller parts and analyze those.
  • Make sure your analysis is as close to the text as possible; in other words, don’t stray from the crux of your citation.

Part Five: Synthesis

  • This is by far the most important step!
  • This is the “so what?” of your point: why it matters.
  • How do these smaller parts relate to your controlling idea?
  • How does your interpretation/analysis develop your overall argument?

Part Six: Restate

  • You’re almost done with your brilliant paragraph!
  • All you need to do is restate your thesis in terms of your new synthesis.
  • In other words, recall back to your thesis statement.
  • The beginning of the next paragraph will call back to the end of this paragraph.

I hope this was helpful! Message me with any questions.

The truth is…
— 

Aries:

  • is a sassy bitch, let’s just accept that. always answering back, they’d even answer back to any god (may it be diplomatically or sarcastic)
  • always give people cheap gifts not because they’re broke but because they think that’s the only standard or gift you deserve
  • has a huge disgust with humanity so they either get delusions of controlling the world or they avoid/limit their human interactions
  • their logic is out of this world: it’s either you get mesmerised and see a new horizon or you end up getting crazy because you can’t get it
  • beneath all their layers, they’re one of the smartest and hardworking people out there… always willing to help you study/work/etc.

Taurus: 

  • their trigger word is literally food and all its proper nouns. they’d sell their souls for a ceaseless supply of food and they’d won’t regret
  • literally possessive as fuck, aphrodite lives in their titties cos they dun calm down if they see someone circling around their man/woman.
  • obsessed with getting shit organised y'all don’t even know. they will never move unless a very detailed blue print is in front of them.
  • they will keep hustlin more than a twenty of you combined. they know and prioritise how precious time and money are.
  • when they say they can’t do an errand/plea, dun quickly believe them at all cost or you’ll get a small surprise: they’ll do it after some while. 

Gemini: 

  • know that archetype of a kind person who’ll obey & follow you to the death but has so many fucking personal motives? yep, that’s gemini.
  • their knowledge and expertise are vastly scary; multilingual people and historians. they aint called GEMinis for nothing, hunty.
  • for them, it’s a dog-eat-dog world. if you don’t match their pace, you’re basically out of their surviving list, whatever list that is.
  • insanely in love and proud making other people swoon over them (oh the oozing warmth of being loved and respected) but says otherwise
  • bad at remembering dates but that dun mean they love you less or you’re not that important to them, just believe in them.

Cancer:

  • they dun talk much but best believe me, whenever they speak it’s either they gon hand you your ass or roast the living shit out of you
  • are all terminally sarcastic bless their souls. they don’t have time for your bullshit, they don’t even have time for their own.
  • they will never side or they will avoid picking a side. they’re the best people to rant cos they will literally get where you coming from.
  • one of the sweetest and loving signs out there but for some reason, they tend to have some problems making real long time friends.
  • always look brooding or even out of reach. that’s cos they’re afraid words/actions won’t come/show they way they really want them too.

Leo:

  • so demure but once you get close to them/they know they have the upper control, they will fucking nag & bully everything
  • but after the searing primadonna stage, these lions are all just smol precious clumsy beans who must be protected at all cost
  • knows the traditional ways or romancing someone, like the flowers and cupcakes and shy yet formal asking you out for events/dates
  • easily clouded by false/dark ideas and hard to snap them out of it. it takes another brave alpha who can help them out of the cray
  • but don’t be fooled, these lions can be tamed and would be willing to tag along the right people for the rest of their life line.

Virgo:

  • dont slack off in front of them, they will give your ass a whoop back to reality. trust me, they give so much vigour and moral to people.
  • not easily scared of pretty much anything because they always think about the story/reason behind it, for this one, what made it scary?
  • they can get super fucking salty and shady and they aint afraid of being salty and shady, for a good or bad reason whatsoever.
  • they never fail to always see the bigger picture, that also means they’re not afraid to do everything to get to the biggest picture.
  • loves having fun and enjoying life without taking advantage of things or forgetting to be humble and well-grounded.

Libra: 

  • too pure for this world but these people have a skyrocketing tendencies to becoming a yandere (lol they probably already are)
  • their aesthetic perfectionism sickness is practically beyond all earth signs combined: they’ll set fire on anything lower than their standards.
  • too kind and angelic we dun deserve them. we also dun deserve their life sucking flirtatious killer charms. we just dun deserve then all in all
  • these bitches love to meddle with other people’s business tho. either they save the situation or aggravate it, there’s no in between
  • even with all the hate on their kind, libra people just keep their heads up and tryn’a understand and accept other people’s view of them.

Scorpio: 

  • for the vagillionth time, y'all have to remember that these “””devil children””” are all just 4D weird bastards who easily space out.
  • the sexy airheads we all get from anime. but dun cross them & their fambam, they won’t think twice about apathetically cutting you.
  • everyone’s fairy godmother/father cos if they love you & they see you deserving, they will lavish &treat you so great. aint lying, dis the truth
  • willing to learn from others but is obsessed with “i am the most mature one so my wisdom is the greatest and the only effective one”
  • so many layers, like they’re literally never-ending. but after plucking all these layers out, you’ll see a fragile marshmallow baby inside 

Sagittarius:

  • they need like a dozen of hobbies as outlets for their energy. if they don’t get the energy out, they become a host of a time bomb.
  • insatiably absorbs all information of all kinds like a baby on his mom’s chest or a tic sucking out blood from a fresh catch: you choose
  • no one really knows if they’re showing genuine reaction/emotion cos you don’t know if they’re forcing it or not or they dun even know too
  • is the jack of all trades cos they have so many talents but can’t focus and drill hard on one cos they jump from different talent to another
  • may come arrogant but always they always want everyone to be happy and enjoying the time, probably more than how libra wants it.

Capricorn: 

  • always late on almost everything. insomniac children of the night, so no matter how dire the situation is, they’ll always be late. deal with it.
  • condescending as fuck cos they know they can do pretty much anything please beware they are vicious machiavellians
  • obsessed with segregating people in their lives; they don’t want their friends to socialise with their family, this group with that group, etc.
  • avoids and gets easily tired with human interaction, but is magically brilliant with human interaction. their magic? idek ask them.
  • after you pass their scrutinising sifting of people in their lives, you’ll just see a funny, dependent, happy-go-lucky, perverted side of them

Aquarius:

  • also don’t like taking sides, will never jump onto anything without all the cards are seeable, yet also not afraid to speak up in the end.
  • obsessed and deranged with their fanaticism of any horror shit idk how they can carry on with a fine stomach after all that scary jazz
  • can never be controlled, they might seem controllable or easy to manoeuvre but spare your ass and don’t be fooled by this sign
  • disappears and reappears at their own will, and doesn’t care about the consequences of their absence, they literally don’t care.
  • in the end of the day, aquarius has no fucks to give any of the other signs. they don’t ask for a lot and they just wanna be left alone.

Pisces:

  • are quiet little shits who looks way more gorgeous when they’re mad cos they just turn fiendish but still in a cute way, like wtf how???
  • needs a fuck ton of guidance from older or more mature people cos they tend either the laziest, silliest, or most annoying things ever. 
  • how fucking annoying it is whenever they pull out the victim card like dude shove that thing back where it belongs or so I will.
  • are actually sensible people, kinda shocking for some but it’s the truth cos these people stay in tune with their emotions, they dun run away
  • break them to pieces and you’ll see a child needing to be loved and wanting to know what are the things that they can improve and learn
On the nights when your sadness comes, I hope you invite it in like an old friend. Lead it to your table and converse over your doubts and misfortune. Feed it your energy because even sadness is sustenance and let it sit in contentment long after it has had its fill because proper meals should never be rushed. It is then that you can ponder over the “what ifs, almosts, why nots, and how comes” that plague you and it is then that sadness will reminisce with you, too. Because when you acknowledge its place in your life, you’ll understand sadness has worth and will give way to another sooner than later. It will remember your graciousness and will hopefully come gentler the next visit around. And when it does, may hope and solace be gathered at your table, too.
—  thespilledinkseriesfor those particularly sad nights

Translating is hard work. Even with pretty simple translations there can be unexpected difficulties if one of the languages has some funny special rules that apply to everyday life like honorifics and proper address, or words with multiple meanings so instead of asking what time it is you’ll end up asking for a potato. A professional translator can deal with this, of course. But for someone who just knows two pretty different languages, translating even something simple suddenly takes time and ends up getting pretty confusing for everyone involved.

And that leads us to ALIENS!

I think we’ve all read one scifi story or another where an alien is explaining some kind of concept that their species has - it might be related to their Special Sense or something else, but they always conveniently manage to put it in words that the character (and the reader) understand. This makes sense from a storytelling viewpoint, because we’re telling the story to human readers/listeners/viewers who need to understand what’s going on and why.

But it might be fun if the character is teamed up with an alien who gets so confused and/or worked up about some trivial translation that it gets turned into this big whole mysterious deal.

Human: “So, what’s this word mean, ‘thnguwe’?”

Alien: “Thnguwe has… special meaning for our people. It refers to a person’s ability to… form a meaningful connection with another of our kind, and our… entire society is built according to the… concept of thnguwe.”

Human: “How profound! Your civilization has much to teach us!”

Alien #2: “It means ‘talking’. Thnguwe means talking.”

Alien #1: “Oh, talking! I forgot what that word was in human language!”

2
The First Time With Jeon Jungkook

Originally posted by syeons

Genre: romance/fluff
Pairing: Jungkook/You
Length: 12203 words
Summary: This a series based on all of your first times with Jungkook from your childhood till when you both reach adult hood.

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5 /PART 6


THE FIRST TIME YOU KISSED

“You tell me Y/N, do you want this?” he brushes his thumb over your cheek “Do you want to kiss me?”

Before you could ever give your response to him, reality hits the shameless boy like a train. What was he thinking when he asked you such a question? His sudden tendency to take your feelings for granted by working his moves on you, wasn’t how he ever wanted it to be. He was curious and quite greedy about having the chance to win your first kiss. Was it still like a competition for him? Was he toying with you or was he being serious?

Jungkook was your best friend and his intentions were never ill to begin with. You knew from day one, when he held your hand and decided to be your friend back then in kindergarten, that he was anything but harmful. You were well aware of the fact that he could be trusted, and all these years of friendship proved that he was a keeper. Maybe you could trust him? But what would it change? Only jungkook had the answers and decisions to take in this very moment, yet he suddenly stepped away from you

What am I doing, right now? Jungkook would suddenly ask himself as he eyed your lips up-close for the first time in his life

Keep reading

at first i was honestly very pleased that the crewniverse was willing to handle a character who is autistic- or well- autistic coded. but then when the new episodes started to come out, it really made it clear they honestly don’t care about autistic kids at all.

every single one of her comfort items are taken away from her- often for comedy relief. its supposedly funny the way amethyst tosses her limb enhancers away, or how she was so desperate to have the comfort of them again she wore paint cans on her feet, or how ridiculous she looks with a ipad strapped to her arm. its not funny.

when she first is on earth, they literally put her in a child leash, and tie her to a pole. even though all gems are adults, you’re supposed to find it funny they’re treating her like a child- which autistic adults and teenagers often face which is humiliating and traumatizing. the deleted scene where shes strapped in a baby chair is even fucking worse and terrible to think of especially since shes supposed to be autistic. its disgusting.

we’re supposed to laugh at the odd way she words things, like autistic ppl including myself are often shamed and laughed at for. instead of having them explain to her the proper way to say things, amethyst and steven laugh at her.

even in the scene where a silly tv show becomes her special interest the way she obsessed over it and proceeds to explain it to steven is shown as weird and comedic. we’re supposed to laugh at how ridiculously obsessed she is and see her special interest as something odd.

so short version: the crewniverse shouldve never tried to make peridot autistic and treat her like a stupid little gremlin

how to not be an asshole and still maintain your moral standards

because it seems that for a lot of people there’s nothing in-between “I don’t like x thing because it’s bad for x reason and if you disagree then you are evil scum” and “yeah sure do whatever you want!!! give everyone a chance to express their creativity/opinions no matter what!!!!”

1. Know your shit.

One of the easiest things to do is to make yourself look like an idiot because you didn’t bother to look for more information. Before you form your opinion, be sure to rationally look at both sides of an argument and do as much fact-checking you can before you give your input. This goes for anything. Politics, shipping discourse, what have you. 

(something to note: not everything works the same in other countries as it does in your country.)

2. If necessary, make a distinction between what is genuinely harmful/derogatory and what upsets you personally.

This is important especially when someone asks you how you feel about a certain subject. There is a difference between Actual Pedophilia and “there is nothing Technically wrong with this ship but the age gap is big enough that the potential for a power-imbalance bothers me greatly, and I want no part of this”.

3. Don’t start shit.

Callout posts, angry messages, and witch hunts. Anon or not, just don’t do it. You might think you’re doing the right thing, but you’re probably just going to make people want to spite you instead of listen. Calling someone names or telling someone to kill themself is shitty.

Also, don’t infest someone’s tag with opinions they don’t want to see. If you feel the need to vent but don’t want to start discourse, use read mores and slashes inbetween words (li//ke thi//s) so that it won’t show up in the tag.

 Now, I’m not saying you have to be completely passive about things you don’t like, but there are other things you can do to avoid them, like…..

4. Just block people.

Let me say this again.

JUST. BLOCK. PEOPLE.

Or unfollow them. It’s super easy. One click, and they’re gone. 

You’re allowed to have opinions. So are other people. And guess what, you don’t have to look at them. Shocker. 

If you’re going to post something and it would make you uncomfortable if people gave it context that you specifically don’t like, say it. State it clearly, and let people know that if they do it anyway, they’ll get blocked.

Think of it this way: if you throw a party and someone shows up and starts doing things and telling jokes etc that make you uncomfortable, what do you do? You don’t invite them to the next party. And if they weren’t invited to begin with, then you take extra precaution to make sure they don’t come again.

Remember, it’s your blog. It’s your party. You’re the host, and yeah you want to make sure your guests are happy, but you can still set boundaries. How much tolerance you have is up to you.

(see also: blacklist. I’ve surprisingly never used it. But it can very easily control what kinds of content you see or don’t see.)

5. Be patient.

If someone is doing something harmful, it’s possible they just don’t know better. People are limited by their life experiences and might not know to think differently because they never knew they could.

People change. What were you like a year ago? Five years ago? Ten years ago? I highly doubt that you’re proud of everything you’ve said and done in the past. There were jokes I’ve said and things I’ve liked that I would never dream of saying now.

This is why I think it’s so, so important to not immediately condemn someone. People don’t often make complete 180s, so don’t expect them to. People don’t like being told they’re wrong, and might need take some time to sort out their thoughts/unlearn their behavior before substantial change happens. Does this excuse their behavior? No, of course not. Even without ill-intent, people can absolutely still do damage.

6. Know when to speak.

This can go a lot of ways. Certain fights aren’t yours to fight. Don’t talk over anyone else. Admit when you don’t know enough about something to give a proper opinion. Recognize when something isn’t worth the time or energy.

Also: learn to recognize traps. People will try to send “gotchas” disguised as innocent questions. These are usually done with the intent of twisting your words and making you sound problematic no matter your response. Even if you’re not sure, just don’t respond. Avoid confrontation and discourse whenever you can. Resist being petty if you know that it’d just start more drama.


That’s it. I hope y’all can go out and try to be decent people. Have fun. Your internet experience is up to you. You don’t need to make it someone else’s responsibility.

5

The second issue of the Practical Handbook was all about queer readings so I made this non-fiction comic about reading Holmes as trans! It’s actually more of an introduction to the subject, ideally I’d like to turn it into a proper article some day, but it felt good to reflect on it and be able to have this in a publication as a valid reading. Researching critical material was emotionally draining since the very few published essays on the topic are incredibly transphobic and basically worthless, but that made me want to have my say even more. Many thanks to my good friends Mo and Elinor for helping me with the wording so as to make it accessible but to the point, and as always Katie for supporting my little transgender bum.

anonymous asked:

Wee question. See when u use Scots words in ur sentences, or even just Scottish slang, do u ever feel like ur putting it on, even though ur not, if u get what I mean? Every time I use words like 'dinnea,' 'ken', 'aye', 'naw' it feels out of place and not natural and I feel everyone thinks I'm just, well, putting it on. I think it's cause of the whole 'that's not proper english' line we get fed, and it's made me feel uncomfortable speaking the way I was brought up. Like it's inferior if u will.

Naw, I dinnae care what any cunt thinks about how I speak. It doesnae look out of place, it’s just cause you’ve been taught it does. Sure when it’s typed it’s no the queen’s English but so whit?

Dinnae worry and dinnae care.

I Give Up - part 28 FINAL (A Baekhyun Series)

“The pictures are out.”

Those four words held so much power. You felt a definite tremor inside your chest as you watched Baekhyun’s face closely. He had looked up into your eyes when he said it and his hand gripped his phone. It jumped around as he waited for something to load, staring down at the small screen with his eyes darting around and his bottom lip held tightly between his teeth.

Keep reading

Fault

(Part 2)

Summary: 

“Bucky had never been held responsible for what he’d done, but you, oh god, everything that had happened had been your fault, and Bucky knew it too.”

Word Count: 1677
Warnings: a lot of self-doubt, injury, angst


It’s dark. And cold. And wet.

In the distance you can hear the rush of cars, tires splashing in puddles formed by the rain. They sound so, so far away.

You’re vaguely aware of the blood dripping down the back of your neck, and spilling out your lips and coating your fingers and smeared across your face and– there’s so much blood. You choke back a sob.

You have to get out of here. You have to get out of here and get back to the tower before anyone notices you’re missing because you can’t let anyone see you like this. You’re supposed to be strong like the rest of them, to be able to fight like the rest of them and defend yourself and not get into situations like this and the only thing running through your head right now is the fact that you might even die and everyone’s going look at you like some sort of failure.

(The one person you genuinely cared about already does, anyway.)

You place your hands on the ground under you, trying to push yourself up off the ground, but a sharp, snapping pain runs up your arm, as if the bone’s splitting, and you fall, letting out a gasp of pain as your chest hits the ground. There are tears welling in your eyes, both of frustration and the immense pain your body is in, and you lie with your cheek against the wet pavement in the middle of some back alley.

How are you going to get back and pretend like nothing happened when you can’t even fucking get up? You want to scream, but even your voice is hoarse from begging them to stop as you endured hit after hit.

You think back to a few hours ago, to how Bucky had been avoiding you all day and when you’d finally confronted him about it he’d yelled at you for not being able to do one job you had – to save the two kids in the fucking building on the one mission they’d taken you to. He’d yelled and you’d yelled and maybe he’d let it slip that he thought you were a failure, and then you’d gotten angry and stormed out to a bar to get drunk. But he’d been right. The fact of the matter is that you are a failure, and now you can’t even prove yourself otherwise.

A painful sob wracks your body as your hands reach into your pocket, pulling out your phone. There are missed calls that you barely notice, fingers fumbling and tears blurring your eyes. It takes four attempts to call Steve, your hands wet and sticky because of the blood. As it rings, you can feel your heart constrict in your chest. What are they going to think of you? Weak? Pathetic?

Words flit through your head, as the phone rings. And rings. And rings.

“Hi, you’ve reached Steve Rogers–”

You hang up, then try again.

And again.

And again.

With each time it reaches voicemail, you cry harder. You can’t blame him – it’s four in the fucking morning and the mission was exhausting, so everyone’s probably turned their phone on silent and for the first time in days is getting some proper rest.

You try Nat next, then Sam, then Clint, then even Tony, but nobody picks up.

There’s one last name left on the list of people that’ll probably answer at four a.m. You hesitate, fingers hovering over his name, knowing his reaction if he picks up.

You press call. Your heart pounds against your chest and your blood rushes through your ears and your eyes feel kind of heavy. You can’t breathe. You can’t breathe.

As you gasp for air the phone rings. And rings. And rings. And ri–

“Y/N?”

Hearing his tired voice croak your name is like turning a switch, because suddenly there is air in your lungs and you can breathe again.

Until, “What the fuck do you want?”

Heaving in a gulp of air, you opened your mouth to speak, but before you can even get a word out, he continues.

“It’s four in the fuckin’ mornin’, an’ the few of us who worked hard on the mission are pretty damn tired.”

You feel the intended jab of his words, and shut your mouth, breathing heavily through your nose as the blood flow stems and begins to crust on your face. The tears well up in your eyes again. You know you shouldn’t have called him, that he was still mad at you and he would probably never forgive you for what you had done, because even as the Winter Soldier he’d never have hurt let an innocent child get hurt. But you’d let it happen, right in front of him, with full control over your actions. Bucky had never been held responsible for what he’d done, but you, oh god, everything that had happened had been your fault, and Bucky knew it too.

“Are you going to speak?” He prompts, an edge in his voice laced with annoyance.

There’s shuffling on the other end of the phone, before you hear a faint, feminine voice. “Bucky baby, come back to bed.” You don’t know who it is, and that makes it so much worse because you know he only picks up random girls when he’s stressed out, and the cause of stress is you, you know as much.

You’re trying to speak but you can’t find the words. Your head hurts and the pain is finally starting to catch up, ebbing away at the adrenaline that had been coursing through your body.

“I’m sorry – it's– it’s, I just –” But you don’t know what to say. Something’s clawing at the inside of your throat, like nails raking down your vocal chords and making it hard to speak. The only thing you can do is cry.

“I’m sorry,” you’re screeching, heaving in breaths of air any chance you can get. “Nobody else picked up – I – I didn’t know – I didn’t know who else to call.”

There’s silence on the other end of the phone. Or maybe you can’t hear Bucky speaking. You can’t hear anything over the sound of your sobs, disappearing behind the heavy patter of the rain.

“Y/N? Y/N!” His voice seems so far away, it almost sounds concerned. “Y/N, what happened?”

“He said he knew! He said he knew more about– that he could tell me– I’m sorry. I trusted him. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”

“Shit.” There’s shuffling on the other end, then a quieter, “I gotta go, Babe.” Your heart clenches and the only thing that manages to leave your mouth is a string of apologies.

“Where are you?”

“I don’t know– I don’t know!” There’s a level of hysteria in your voice, and he can probably hear it too. He’s saying other stuff in a calmer voice, something about breathing and looking around but you can’t hear him over the sound of the blood rushing through your ears and the constant thought of you being an absolute failure swimming through your head.

“– okay?” You take gulps of air through your mouth, trying to subside the sobs resonating through your chest as you tune back into his voice. “Just breathe, Y/N. Look around and tell me what you see.”

“It’s dark, and there’s- there's–” You look around frantically, trying to find something, trying to see something, but it’s so dark and all you know is that you’re in some back alley and God, your lungs feel like they’re on fire but you can’t figure out how to get air down your throat. “An alley,” you gasp out. “Behind the bar. I’m behind the bar–”

And you break off into sobs again, praying to someone, anyone, that Bucky can understand you through the thickness of your voice and the croaking of your throat.

“Okay. Okay. Y/N? I’ll be there in ten, okay? Just give me ten minutes.”

You manage to scrape an “okay” up your throat without throwing up from the crying and the screaming. Bucky says something about hanging up, and suddenly your voice is making your ears bleed again. “No! No! Please, Bucky, stay on the line. Please.”

And then he’s saying something and you’re not sure what, because you can’t focus on anything anymore. You don’t know how long you sit there, leaning against the cold brick wall, soaking wet with a puddle of red tinged water surrounding you, chilling to the bone. Maybe it’s really ten minutes, maybe it’s a few hours, you can’t tell, but there’s nothing more warming than the sound of Bucky’s voice calling out your name, this time closer to you than through the phone.

“Y/N?” His voice resonates through the small alley, and you’re slightly more awake for a moment as a flashlight shines directly into your eyes, then down the rest of you.

He swears.

A lot.

“Hey, hey, Y/N.” You feel his hands, warm and soft and tender, on your cheek, slapping lightly to grab your attention. Your eyes are unfocused, you can barely make out his face through the tears and the haze grabbing at the edges of your vision.

An arm goes under your knees and your start screaming again, pain and fear coursing through every vein in your body. Someone’s saying something, your name and something else, and it’s calm and reassuring but all you can focus on is how much it hurts. You’re hoisted into the air and this time the scream doesn’t even make it past your lips, catching in your throat as the pain peaks into a numbness spreading to your toes.

“–wake! Y/N, hey, keep your eyes on me, okay?” But your eyes are challenging his voice, daring to shut for longer periods of time with each blink.

There’s a deep, ocean blue staring down at you when you do open your eyes, laced with disappointment and screaming the same word over and over at you.

Failure. Failure. Failure.

Your eyes close.

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anonymous asked:

I know your crazy busy with life and use your writing time for drive and winter song but... Could you write a smol sick fic? Nothing long or extravagant! It would be a blessing.

Summary: Yuuri falls ill during a practice at the Ice Castle. Pre-Episode 5.

***

When Victor excused himself from practice to take a quick phone call, Yuuri was fine. Perhaps a little quieter than normal while he rehearsed a combination spin out on the Ice Castle rink, one gloved hand extended gracefully overhead, but there was no indication that anything was wrong.

He was fine.

How that changed so quickly was anyone’s guess.

Victor was gone for less than five minutes, and when he returned, Yuuri was on his knees in the center of the rink with his head in his hands. Victor took one look and started running, even before he fully registered what he was seeing. He wasn’t wearing his skates for practice today, but that didn’t stop him from running out onto the ice and slipping and sliding for the first few steps before he regained his balance.

“Yuuri.” Victor came to a clumsy stop in front of him, and when he dropped to his knees, the ice soaked through the fabric of his pants. He grasped Yuuri’s shoulder and said, “What happened. Did you fall?”

Yuuri was shaking. His face was so pale that even his lips had lost their color, and he kept squeezing his eyes shut and reopening them as if to clear his vision. “Dizzy,” he said.

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luciel-mi-angel  asked:

i wanna request that HC with Mc almost leaving s/o (the one in your masterpost)

Yoosung


Jaehee

  • Jaehee was working herself too hard
  • She hadn’t taken a break since they’d opened the café
  • MC manages to convince Jaehee to take a day off with her and close cafe early so that they can go see Zen’s musical together
  • However, a few days before their evening out, Jaehee books a private event at the cafe when the play is supposed to start
  • They argue about it because Jaehee thinks it will be a great chance to promote the cafe, but MC says Jaehee promised and needs some time away from work
  • In the end, they just pout at each other and don’t speak for a little while
  • MC goes to the musical alone and no, she’s not being stubborn, Jaehee is!
  • After the play, Zen asks MC to come backstage so she can ask about Jaehee, but MC explains everything that happened
  • Zen agrees to go with her to the cafe to talk to Jaehee during the private event, as he wants to see her as well (he likes hanging out with the two of them)
  • When they arrive, the party is in full swing, someone tries to force them out because “it’s a private event”, but before MC can state she’s a co-owner, a guest recognizes Zen and says they’re with her
  • MC goes to find Jaehee and sees her being kissed by another woman
  • Granted, it’s on the cheek, but it took forever for Jaehee to get comfortable with PDA from MC
  • So MC turns around and walks out to go home and cry
  • The next day, MC proposes they break up before the cafe opens and anyone else is there, even saying she found all the documents online to give/sell her half of the cafe to Jaehee
  • Jaehee is very quick to stop this line of thinking and the two of them have a long, serious talk about all their problems
  • Jaehee ends up agreeing to take one day off a month to go on a date with MC, but only if MC will help her rake in more customers with events and such

Zen

  • It’s their one year anniversary of being married
  • In months leading up to it, Zen made a bigger deal of it than she did
  • Not to mention, Valentine’s Day and Christmas were his favorite holiday and he’d gone all out for those every single time
  • And not only does Zen forget
  • But he goes out drinking after work with a few cast mates
  • He even makes a post inviting fans to come hang out with them
  • He’s posting things on his FB page, twitter and Instagram the whole time
  • MC had made a nice dinner to surprise him when he got home, but when she saw his social media, she goes on the Messenger and cries
  • She ends up packing a bag and is getting into a cab to go Jaehee’s place for a little while (she was sweet enough to offer her couch if MC needed some time away)
  • Zen comes home right about then, a little too drunk, and asks where she’s going
  • “Check the Messenger.” Is all she says before she slams the door
  • Zen goes inside and sees and…. fuck. Fuck. FUCK!!!
  • How could he have been such a jerk!!
  • He sees the beautiful meal she made, the remnants of candles, and so on, and he’s fucked up, royally
  • When he gets a notification that MC is online, he jumps on, interrupting a conversation between her and Jumin about the furball
  • Immediately, she logs off
  • In the morning, he goes to work, he does what he has to, then he goes to Jaehee’s.
  • Jaehee lets him in because she wants him to apologize to MC (who had been crying a lot because of him)
  • He swears it’ll never happen again
  • He begs forgiveness
  • He even promises to give her a whole day, just for her, if only she’ll come home
  • She agrees, but only just barely, and even then, she refuses to share the bed with him
  • Zen immediately calls his director, claims to be sick and says he needs a day off
  • He sleeps on the floor next to the couch because he refuses to be away from her until she forgives him
  • He takes her on a long, romantic date, treats her like more than a princess, when people ask what the occasion is, he tells the truth; he forgot their first anniversary and is making it up to her
  • They first shame him, then they give him advice or free stuff to help (or they just give it to her with a sad, “oh honey, I’m so sorry he forgot.”)
  • Halfway through the day, she says that being mad at him is exhausting and she just want to go home and take a nap
  • He refuses because he promised her a day and now he plans to make it a day
  • When they’re stoped in the park by some of his fans, he excuses himself from them, politely stating he’s on a date with his wife
  • The girls “awwwww” because it’s super cute how enamored with her he is
  • By the time they get home, she’s exhausted and can’t believe he packed so much into one day
  • But it doesn’t end there
  • He draws her up a bubble bath (and joins her after setting something up)
  • And when they get out, he has candles lit in their bedroom
  • Love making ensues
  • The morning, she aches in all the right ways, and is surprised when Zen drags her back into bed when she tries to get up to eat, and whispers that because he had so much fun yesterday, he called out sick today too
  • But this time, he plans on them staying home all day ;)

Jumin

  • One of Jumin’s high society “friends” says that MC is “kind of plain” and “surprisingly uncultured” and “clumsy”
  • To Jumin’s face
  • MC knows she can be clumsy, but it genuinely wasn’t her fault she bumped into that guy and spilled her drink on him
  • Hell, she’s heard comments like this before, and she’s honestly not even really bothered by them
  • Until Jumin agrees with him
  • She walks out of the party without saying a word, is driven back to the pent house and packs up her things
  • Anything Jumin has bought her with his money, she throws in the garbage
  • She ends up with a surprisingly small backpack from her high school days
  • She writes a note, “Since I’m so uncultured, I didn’t know the proper protocol for this, so I’m sorry if it’s not to your tastes. But I am leaving. I won’t tell you where I’m going. Hopefully the absence of my plain face won’t bother you.”
  • To her surprise, Elizabeth blocks her way and won’t let her leave the penthouse
  • She manages to get past Elizabeth eventually, but by then she has 10 missed calls from Jumin, 1-5 from the other RFA members, and bumps into Jumin in the lobby on her way out
  • He’s so relieved she’s okay, but MC fibs to him and says her mother is in the hospital and she needs to go visit right away, and she wants to go alone
  • He allows this because he knows how stubborn and independent she can be
  • When she’s in the car, she reads the messages, finds out that Jumin noticed her absence near-immediately and went looking for her
  • When he couldn’t find her, he panicked
  • He and the RFA all assumed that she had been kidnapped
  • She ends up actually just going to her mothers, and once Driver Kim has left, she goes to a hotel to stay the night
  • As soon as she’s checked in, she gets a call from Jumin demanding to know where she is. He refuses to lose her.
  • “Maybe next time, pick someone better suited to you,” she says. “Some one beautiful and graceful and refined. Like maybe Sarah.” Then she hangs up.
  • He calls her all through the night, although she shut her phone off pretty quickly
  • In the morning, she listens to his messages as he gets increasingly more desperate, even breaking down into tears at some point
  • After breakfast is delivered to her room, she gets a call from 707, who starts speaking so frantically, she can’t understand him
  • What he boils it down to is, “Thank god you turned on your phone, Jumin paid me a lot of money to track you down, and I can’t fail him. I have to fill up my babies with premium~”
  • This whole conversation happens while she’s eating
  • Then there’s a knock on the door as she finishes her food
  • With a piece of toast hanging out of her mouth and 707 still on the phone in her hand, she answers the door to three security guards and Jumin
  • The toast falls out of her mouth
  • Jumin forces himself inside the room, shuts the door, and grabs her phone
  • “Thank you, Luciel, the money will be wired to you by the end of the day.”
  • Jumin then hangs up and throws the phone across the room
  • He then grabs MC and kisses her
  • When he pulls away, she sees how bedraggled he looks. He’s still wearing the same suit form the night before, it’s wrinkled and his hair is a mess
  • He begs her never to leave him again
  • He apologizes a million times, telling her she’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever met and that he was barely even paying attention to what that man said, he didn’t even realize until it was too late
  • He loves her too much to lose her
  • MC ends up realizing she hurt him just as much as he hurt her and apologizes for leaving like that, for saying the things she did, it was unfair
  • After holding each other for a little while, Jumin declares he’s going to take a day off of work, and they are going to stay in this hotel room until the next day
  • MC just rolls her eyes at this, but sure, fine, whatever

Saeyoung

  • He’d been acting… distant
  • Of course, part of it was because he was keeping an eye on Saeran, who was having a really bad stream of episodes
  • More than once, Saeran had lashed out at one or both of them
  • It didn’t help that Saeyoung was trying really hard to get out of the spy life and was doing his best to keep hackers away from them
  • MC did the best she could not to be a burden on him since he had so much on his plate
  • If MC was around, she’d help around the house by cleaning, making decent meals for the brothers, making sure they at least tried to eat, and so on
  • One day, however, Saeyoung snaps at MC that he’s fine, he doesn’t need her to put on a show and he just needs her to leave
  • When she comes back a few hours later with food and note with a joke on it, he’s still frustrated and says he told her to get out
  • So MC says goodbye to Saeran and goes home
  • She stops texting him good morning and good night at this point
  • At first, he just assumes she forgot, no big deal, that or she’s mad at him
  • Goes on for three days, then he realizes he’s hungry and Saeran almost sets fire to the kitchen trying to cook with some of the ingredients MC bought and left behind
  • Saeyoung cooks, but its not as good
  • He goes to check on MC at her apartment, only to find all the cameras are taped over, so he has to go in person
  • When he gets there, MC refuses to open the door
  • When Saeyoung asks why, she informs him that, she’s been trying her best to take care of him and Saeran, but Saeyoung continues to push her away
  • After everything they’ve been through, and he’s still pushing her away
  • Saeran really isn’t the best company, either, but she doesn’t blame him for that
  • When Saeyoung told her he didn’t need her, that he didn’t want her, MC decided that, if that’s what he thought would make him happy, she’d listen
  • He doesn’t need to see her again
  • Guess who’s begging for forgiveness through her apartment door?
  • Saeyoung just starts apologizing uncontrollably, saying he didn’t mean it, he loves her, needs her, Saeran needs her totally doesn’t almost ruin the apology by saying that they really need her to cook because Saeran can’t, and he’s not very good
  • Eventually MC lets him in and they hug and kiss and make up
  • MC also starts teaching Saeran to cook so there aren’t anymore… incidents
  • soon Saeran is a better cook than she is, but he doesn’t let Saeyoung have any when he “acts weird” and more often than not, if he goes to deliver food to his brother, he dumps the plate on the table in such a way that some of the food usually goes flying
Sugar Sweet  | 1 | (M)

word count: 8.9k (seriously, what a mouthful)

genre: smut + fluff; college AU + fuckboy!kihyun

pairing: reader/kihyun

summary: your best friend & roommate changkyun just wanted to help get you laid. instead you found solace in a pink haired man named kihyun who had a smart mouth with sharp words you weren’t afraid to let cut you, as long as he didn’t mind you hurting him a little too.

part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6

masterlist

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