is that even a cigarette

So on top of Andrew saying yes any time Neil asks for shit

No one knows about Neil’s mom smoking and only one boy on the team smokes, so before they even got together all of their teammates probably thought Neil sniffs cigarette smoke because it smells like Andrew, and that Andrew hands him cigarettes to breathe in because they’re in public and not standing close enough for Neil to just sniff Andrew instead.

I have firm feels about this hc okay

Like the first time Neil ever bums a cigarette off of Coach Wymack it’s right after Andrew is hospitalized from Drake and right before Neil goes sliding Andrew’s hand up his shirt and you can’t tell me that didn’t contribute to Wymack figuring shit out before anyone else even really started to suspect. Neil wasn’t going for Mom-comfort that night, it was Andrew occupying his mind that he wanted the smoke to put a sense of normalcy back into him over.

And for srs if you had a pair of friends where the smoker kept sharing their precious, friggin expensive cigarettes with the nonsmoker who just…accepted them and carried them around like tokens of Burning Affection (hurr hurr pun, the tokens are literally on fire) you’d side eye them and think “that’s some Weird Ass Flirting” too

A Two Headed Dog

I have no explanation for this other then the fact that I just wanted to write an ego getting a two headed dog as a pet… yeah.



Shawn does not like dogs very much. It’s not that he hates them or anything. He just does not prefer them. They’re too slobbery and excitable, getting that terrible saliva everywhere while acting like a rambunctious bull in a china closet. He’s the china closet.


He much prefers cats. They’re calm and collected and don’t get in your face unless you like them to. They have a soft meow and even softer purrs with smooth fur and he loves them.


So, when he finds the two headed dog he doesn’t know what to do at first.


Look, Shawn is nice guy. He doesn’t get into trouble. But some nights he just needs to relieve some stress by having a cigarette or maybe even some.. ahem, weed. He doesn’t have weed or other forms of crack normally, so on most stress relieving nights, he merely smokes for a cigar or small cigarette.


This night was no different. He had taken his car from the “ego home” and had driven out to the nearby field, opting to lean against the hood of the older car. He had pulled out a cigarette and had lighten it when he saw the four dots not too far off. The ego house where he and the other “egos” lived was a bit farther off from other civilization, on a farm of sorts to keep all of the crazy and powerful “people” away from normal civilians. So when Shawn the four red glowing dots he didn’t know what they were. At first he decided to ignore them, going to drag on his cigarette again, blowing a nice cloud of smoke into the dark air.


Until the four dots began to draw closer.


He had watched them for a good amount of time until they had gotten too close for comfort. At that point he could tell what the source was: a two headed, large and scaled dog with a snake like tail. If he hadn’t already seen so much crazy shit he probably would have thought he was going insane. But, hey, he was infected by an ink demon, could become an ink demon, lived with an ink demon that looks just like him along with a docile zombie with his appearance. He already believes himself to be insane.


The two headed dog had paused a good yard or two away from him, watching him with its two pairs of red and glowing eyes curiously. One head had tilted while the other bobbed up and down, probably sniffing at the smoke filled air.


Now remember: Shawn does not like dogs. This is a dog, even if it is two headed. He would not be put off by its appearance.


“Go on, shoo,” Shawn said, whacking at the air in front of him with both hands after setting the butt of the cigarette between his teeth. A trail of smoke lazily drifts from the front of the stub, dancing slowly against the black. The two headed dog had seemed surprised by his shooting and had taken a step back, two of its ears flicking. One head had gone back while the other had bent down to sniff still. “I don’t want you, get outta here.”


But the dog didn’t “get outta there”. Instead of listened to Shawn, it drew in closer, revealing yellow fur partly covered by a light blue mane. It’s snake like tail dragged limply behind it, shining a dark purple in the dim lightning from Shawn’s car.


Shawn frowned as it got closer, nuzzling one of his hands while sniffing at it with one nose. The other lifted up to meet his eyes and only then did he fully notice it’s stupid height. It reached the same height as his waist and that made him mad for some reason. He’s already called short back home. Now a damn two headed dog is half the height as him.


“I said get!” Shawn tries to shoo it away again, pushing from the hood to walk to the driver’s side. His eye twitches when he hears it following him. He turns, grabbing the handle of his door. “Leave me alone you damn dog!”


With that he opened his door and sat down on the seat, slamming the door shut and starting the car. The two headed dog hadn’t moved from the spot Shawn had left it. He smirked as he began to drive away. He thought that that had been the end of it.


Until he got home, that is.


As he stepped out of his car he was met with the sight of the two headed dog trotting up the driveway, barking happily when it saw him. He growls in frustration, running a hand down his face. “Why the hell did ya follow me?!” He yelled at it, flailing his arms. The two dog heads merely painted in response, the snake tail dragging back and forth across the ground. His eye twitches once more and he sighs heavily in defeat. “Fine,” he muttered. “But you ain’t sleeping on the bed.”


The two dog heads barked in unison as though they understood him as it came to stand right beside him, leaning on his side. He rolls his eyes yet still runs a hand through its half fur half scaled pelt.


The rest of the egos had been surprised to see a two headed dog following Shawn. They had been even more surprised when he announced that it was his new pet. The two headed dog never left Shawn’s side. He got both heads separate, chain collars and would take the dog on walks, never using a leash. Though, he never did find out where it came from or why it decided to follow him home.


Oh well. He ended up naming it Ally.

______

@shawn-flynn-protection-squad idk where this came from but here


Hope y’all enjoyed ;)

anonymous asked:

Chara, two things. First, you don’t hold any of the blame for what happened to Sans and Papyrus. Let’s make that clear. YOU didn’t screw the plates on them. YOU didn’t ever hurt them. And while your ideas might be just as bad sometimes, YOU don’t go through with them. That’s more than I can say for…HIM. Secondly, you can make Gaster do anything by threatening to dump his cigarettes in the CORE. Even write letters. Thought you should know that.

[Chara chuckles.]

“That’s, uh … that’s nice. Thanks. You don’t need to worry about me, though. I never cared what that old geezer thought, and I care even less after knowing what he did to Sans and Papyrus. He always hated me. There were plenty of monsters who hated me, even if they never said it. They don’t matter. I’ve got a cool mom and cool brothers, I don’t need anyone else. Even if it would be nice to see Dad again. So it doesn’t matter whether Gaster meant to write those or not. He can think what he wants. Doesn’t change anything to me.

“Now the cigarettes tip, I can definitely use that if I ever run into him …”

We always think that Victor and Yuuri embarrass Yuri in front of Otabek but Kubo said that Otabek has a bunch of mischevious friends. So I’ve been thinking…what if his friends tease Otabek in front of Yuri?
Like, what if Otabek has a crush on Yuri and he tells them about it. And they all joke around, follow Yuri on all social media, everytime Yuri is mentioned on tv they all just become the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) face. And one time, Yuri is visiting Almaty and Otabek invites him to a party where he is going to be DJing. And ofc Yuri is all like yes??? Otabek has a bike AND is a dj???? He is so cool!!! And they come to the party, Otabek does his thing and he comes down in the crowd to meet up with Yuri and Yuri finally meets Otabeks friends. They all immediately start smirking, nudging them towards eachother, always sending just the two of them to get drinks. Some of them even start hitting on Yuri for Otabek. Yuri is slightly confused, but Otabek wants the ground to swallow him whole. He is a red, stuttering mess and he is so thankful that the lights in the club are dim. Now in every friend group theres The Mom Friend™ and they are ready to start some shit. They would probably pull Yuri aside and be like “What are your intentions with my friend?” and Yuri would realise what was happening and he would kinda open up to The Mom Friend™ and tell them that he likes Otabek too. And The Mom Friend™ would all be proud and smiley, but just before they reach the group, they would whisper in Yuri’s ear: “If you hurt him I will hunt you down and hurt you five times more.”

Pete Campbell III: Don, did you see what Arby’s just tweeted at us? We’re getting eaten ALIVE out there, Don!

91 year old Don Draper, head of social media for Wendy’s, eating a pack of cigarettes: what am I even paying you for, Campbell? of course I saw! clap BACK, dammit!!!

“I met him at the company where we worked. We went out dancing. He was kind to me. Things started changing after we got married. I’d rush home from work so I could cook for the whole family. But if the food wasn’t ready on time, he’d get upset. One day his mistress came to the door to tell me about their affair. I was pregnant at the time. He came back from work and found her in the house, and he hit me so hard that he broke my face. I still have the scars. The abuse got worse and worse. I stayed for a long time. At first I thought marriages were supposed to be like that. And by the time I learned otherwise, he wouldn’t let me go. He’d lock me in the house. He’d threaten me by putting a gun to our son’s head. When I finally got a restraining order, I was in such bad shape that I checked into a mental institution. Now I’m alone and it’s the happiest time of my life. I’m able to work. I can eat whatever I want. I can go out whenever I want. Even sitting here and smoking a cigarette is a joy for me.”

(Bogotá, Colombia)

sometimes i feel real sad and then i remember:

the first time dean and cas met properly, dean stuck a knife in cas’ chest and then cas proceeded to say ‘i was the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition’ and then they had intense eye sex

the first time sherlock and john met, sherlock winked to make himself look more likable and approachable and then during their second meeting, started cleaning up the flat so john would consider moving in

the first time alec and magnus met, magnus introduced himself and alec fell over his words and started babbling incoherently, and magnus proceeded to also flirt with alec

the first time stiles and derek met, derek was talking to both scott and stiles, during which time stiles was absolutely speechless and his mouth hung open a little

the first time isak and even met, isak stared at even as he emptied the tissues, and then they proceeded to smoke the same cigarette, not to mention isak stared at even before, and was clearly checking him out

the first time harry and draco met properly, draco offered his friendship and harry only refused because he’s loyal quickly and draco was being quite rude

the first time sirius and remus saw each other after thirteen years, snape said “you two fight like a married couple” and remus was immediately on sirius’ side, without questioning anything

and then i feel happy, because even if most of the ships on this list aren’t canon and/or endgame, i will always regard them as canon :)

and if this list made you happy, then that’s a hella rad bonus

Zoo Gothic

You hear peacocks screaming at all hours. The zoo has no peacocks.

There are three identical animals standing next to each other. None of them are taller or shorter than the other. The guests will still know which one is the mommy, the daddy, and the baby.

The food in the break area seems to be donuts, leftover bags of chips, and half-eaten birthday cake all at once. There has never not been food on the table.

The bruises on your legs appear even if you are standing completely still. The cuts on your hands appear underneath the heaviest gloves. You can never find the band-aids.

No one remembers what an un-kinked, neatly rolled hose looks like. It is believed to be just a fairy tale. 

Every time you begin to wash them, a new dish appears. There is always one more dish.

The zoo review says that your animals are asleep, dead, pacing, and invisible all at once. 

An animal is standing in its pool. The guests ask you why it has no water. 

You no longer remember what you’re supposed to call the area where your animal lives. The wind whispers a new name each day.

You ask a guest not to smoke. As you turn around, 10 more have lit cigarettes in his place.

Even in your deadest sleep, you hear the echo of banging on glass. The nightmares may never cease.

BOI let’s talk about Neil “rabbit” Josten and Andrew “never lets his guard down” Minyard and how they inexplicably forget the rest of the world is a thing when they’re together???? Like 

  • everyone knows better than to interrupt their intense eye contact. They’ll stare at each other for minutes at a time and matt’s just standing there off to the side, waiting for their bizarre silent convo to wind down. Neil’s the first to look away. 
    • “Oh, how long have you been there, matt?“ 
    • "Just a few seconds don’t worry" 
  • even when they’re not staring at each other, they’re both completely useless if one is looking. Neil focuses his entire attention on Andrew when the sun hits him just right and Kevin sighs and closes the notebook of exy plays they’d been discussing. Andrew is not-watching Neil staring at him, Neil is probably mentally composing a sonnet about Andrew’s shoulders or arms or pinky finger, and Kevin starts talking about Quebec, potato salad, and cello music because anything he says Neil will never be able to remember 
  • they’re not much for PDA but also when the locker room is empty after a game, they might (always) make out against the lockers and sometimes they don’t remember that one freshman who was getting dressed in the showers and he squeaks in surprise when he walks in on them but they’re too wrapped up in each other to notice (or care) 
  • dan is sure she could blow an air horn next to their ears, but if they’re sharing a cigarette, they wouldn’t even flinch. Nearly every day after practice while they wait for Kevin to finish up, Neil and Andrew share a cigarette in the shade provided by the court’s walls. They stand not quite close enough to touch but the space between them is almost nonexistent, and take turns smoking while gazing meaningfully at each other. Or Andrew will smoke and Neil will steal his cigarette and he’ll steal it back and on and on until the thing is burned down to the filter. 
    • Nicky swears he caught them shotgunning smoke but his phone was "dead” at the time and without visual evidence he couldn’t cash in the prize money.
    •  He’s still bitter about it. 
  • one time they halted an entire game for a full minute because some asswipe had growled “Wesninski” at Neil and Neil got tripped up and twisted his ankle.
    • the combination of panic from hearing his old name and panic about not being able to play kept him on the court floor and Andrew was at his side in an instant. He ignored the rest of the players, the refs, and Coach in favor of kneeling on the ground and pressing his forehead to Neil’s. They whispered to each other for a full half a minute before the panic left Neil’s eyes and Andrew was content to sit back. 
    • Neil at least had the decency to look sheepish when he saw the dozen people crowded around them, staring at him with varying amounts of confusion and annoyance.
    • Andrew did not.