your samurai headcanons are amazing you have no idea how happy they make me. I had this HUGE headcannon where ashi and jack ended up having 6 daughters and she names them after her fallen sisters. now i can just imagine that happening with the added bonus of both jack and Kuriketto there.
They have like a HUGE brood of kids all together. Kuriketto got Jack two sons and one daughter, Ashi got seven daughters and one son, and Jack is just so fucking happy because oh goodness, these are his children. All eleven of them. He’s going to take care and love on all of them unconditionally and thank you wifeys! Thank you two so much for giving him all these precious little ones! (*whispers* Six of Ashi’s seven daughters are the reincarnations of her sisters and one is the daughter of Ashi and Jack of the other six had lived)
FINALLY THE MAPPA YOI calendar. Team St. Petersburg, VICTOR BESIDE YUURI, SO SERIOUS AND READY TO KICK SOME ASS.
BECAUSE NOW HE’LL WIN GOLD AND GET MARRIED, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.
EVERYONE’S DRESSED UP. Look at that little makkachin puppy on Victor’s lap, and the katsudon bowl. ALSO A NEARLY NAKED CHRIS… AND THE CUTE TRIO IN THE FAR RIGHT CORNER, MINAMI IT’S FINALLY WITH THE REST OF SKATERS.
LOOK AT VICTOR IN THE BACKGROUND, SO PROUD AND CHEERING FOR HIS BEAUTIFUL HUSBAND.
THE “Welcome to the Madness” scene! GOD LOOK AT YURIO’S SMOKY EYES, NEED THAT MAKEUP, VICTOR SINGING HIS HEART OUT ON STAGE, BOTH MILA, SARA AND EMIL AND MICKEY PAIR DANCING.
And look at the back, IT SAYS “HASETSU EXHIBITION, ONSEN ON ICE”. MEANING THEY ALL TRAVEL TO JAPAN AND AND CREATED THEIR OWN PROGRAM TO SHOW.
AT THE END WE HAVE ALL OUR SKATERS IN A FINAL POSE, I’M DYING HERE. BECAUSE PRECIOUS VICTOR IS WEARING A FLOWER CROWN MATCHING YUURI’S OWN POCKET BOUQUET. They are both raising one leg, maybe trying some weird dance step at the same time and yuuri holds him tight, preventing the older man to fall, while victor’s just laughing and smiling like a little kid.
CHRIS AND PHICHIT ARE SIDE BY SIDE. VICTOR HANGING OFF HIS BEST FRIEND AND HUSBAND. YURIO’S MAKE UP, PHICHIT IN SHORTS AND OTABEK WITH HIS ARM AROUND THE SMALLER BOY. JJ WITH HIS LEATHER JACKET, JUST PERFECT.
My kid does 13K in damage to studio equip, we handle it like lunatics.
I’m an audio engineer and score arranger full time in my self-owned business. It’s how I provide for myself, my fiancée (also CF), and my mother. I record, mix, and master for bands, voice-overs for local commercials, and write music for people’s weddings, college films, indie games, etc.. It was my passion since I was a child and every day I ask myself why I get paid to do what I do.
You know, until today.
I had a woman schedule to come in because she wanted me to record her monologue for an acting class. I thought it was going to be easy enough. I set up a mic and a music stand in the sound booth and got my workstation prepped for tracking. She was supposed to show up at 3:30, so when 4:00 came around, I called her to ask her if she was still coming. It was my last contract for the day and I was wanting to get home to my fiancée, dogs, and dinner.
“Oh, sorry sweetie, I’m going to be there soon. I just had to get my son from ex-boyfriend.”
4:12, she showed up with her child.
To preface, I’ve never really wanted kids, and don’t really hate them either. But I’ve been childfree of mind for a decade now in league of several bad child experiences in public.
Anyway, I sat her down at the conference table and tried to talk to her about the contract and billing, etc., and just couldn’t because of the six-years-old pile of ovary droppings next to her.
“Mommy it’s cold in here.” “Mommy, I’m bored.” “Mommy, that guy has girl hair.” “Mommy, I want to play on the phone.”
The incessant whining went on for the entirety of the discussion. She did nothing about it. I had an ache in my stomach that this might be a rough session.
I was right.
I showed her to the sound booth, positioned the mic at face level, told her the basics of mic use, and then she floored me with a question.
“Can my son stay in there with you while I do this?” I insisted that he wait in the conference room (across the hall from the control room) because the control room wasn’t a very kid-friendly place considering the 120K of equipment at arms reach.
“But he’s a little angel.”
I shouldn’t have taken her word for it. I SHOULD NOT have taken her word for it. This kid was ANYTHING but. I let him in, told him to sit in one of the office chairs and don’t touch anything. Needless to say, he touched. I queued the recording arm and signaled her to start. She got three lines into her take before I hear a deafening screech and crash.
That little shit machine had just knocked over a $4,000 Korg into a rack with $9,500 of equipment. Completely shattered the touchscreen on the Korg, busted the dials off of half of the effects, and totaled my distressor that I use for almost all the vocals I track.
All of this, by the way, was the room’s length apart from where I told the crotch goblin to stay.
The kid, because of the loud noise, started full-lung screaming. Not crying. Not yelling. Screaming.
The mother, with no hesitation, ran over to the control room and DEMANDED to know what I did to her child. She cussed at me and accused me of hurting her little snot monster. Threatened to sue and even swung at me. When I told her that her precious angel had just racked up at least twelve grand of damages, she said “good”, spit on me, then stormed out, slamming every door on the way. So I pulled the security camera footage and had filed a police report. Grand total: $13,504.25. I also mailed her the bill for her session for good measure.
Of six years in the studio, this is my only truly terrible experience. Fuck mombies. Fuck having children. Thanks for making my vasectomy decision that much easier on me.
I'm very confused is there some new show in which Betty and Veronica from the Archie comics make out? What is happening? What is
oh buddy YOU HAVEN’T HEARD OF RIVERDALE? where to even BEGIN.
so once upon a time some CW executive was like “you know what The Kids like? those wholesome Archie comics in which people actually go by names like jughead and moose and two incredibly amazing women fight over a thoroughly mediocre boy”
look at how precious and innocent they are, god bless.
“… but you know what else The Kids love???????” the exec said, speaking aloud because why not?
HERE’S SOME STUFF KIDS LOVE
“WHAT IF” says this executive, eyes gleaming in a way that’s a little more than manic, now, “we have ALL THE SAME CHARACTERS FROM ARCHIE only instead of keeping that feel-good tone we turn it into TWIN PEAKS meets GOSSIP GIRL meets VERONICA MARS but like not the good veronica mars, awkward middle of season three veronica mars.”
that sounds terrible, i can hear you thinking. are you endorsing this?
it IS terrible, pal, but let me tell you
let me just say
they have gotten one thing–
or rather, two things–
are veronica and betty going to be endgame?
do they even legit like girls?
DON’T BE RIDICULOUS
is this show actually, like… good?
HA HA NOT REALLY
but then why…????
sometimes you want to watch a show that’s going to change your life. a show that gets at the heart of what it means to be human, that really thinks through every twist and turn, that cares about its characters like they’re real people. a show that you then judge all others against.
you want to watch a show that is then judged against those other, actually good shows.
the bad news is that Riverdale is garbage
the good news is that it’s the best kind of garbage
the GREAT news is that IT’S ONLY SIX O’CLOCK AND YOU CAN STILL CATCH UP ON THE FIRST TWO EPISODES BEFORE THE THIRD ONE AIRS TONIGHT AT 9/8C ON THE CW
Exo: Omg our children; so precious; can you direct me to the NCT Protection squad?; wait no contract termination
Super Juinor: wow we’re grandparents; i just wanna squish them and hug them forever; LEAVE BEFORE ITS TOO LATE
Red Velvet: GO DREAM TEAM; leaders of NCT protection squad; oh yeah i trained with them
SNSD: so that kid is finally out of the basement?; congrats; who are they again
F(x): my little bros; sweg; JHONNY; oh yeah Ten was on that show with Amber
Shinee: I remember Taeil aka that kid who likes us; why am I so confused
Seventeen: IM NOT JOHNNY; I love Jaehyun so much, hes so handsome
Blackpink: Thai squad; same year debut squad
Twice: Japan squad; aw Doyoung and Jihyo; i like them
SM: Mark is fully capable. How the fuck did Johnny get out of the dungeon? Aw look at the minis. Give Taeyong all the lines. Where’s whoop whoop? Ten you will be the next Henry, so much talent, into variety shows you go. Beef up security in the dungeon so Hansolo and Kung Fu Panda don’t get out. Who released the Switch MV? We should reunite DoJae. Wait who’s babysitting them? Fuck. No, don’t touch them
❝ We’re going to be parents! ❞
❝ Did you feel him/her/them kick!? ❞
❝ Do you want to feel the baby? ❞
❝ I’m pregnant…and it’s yours. ❞
❝ Do you think I’ll make a good mother/father? ❞ ❝ What are you hoping for? ❞ ❝ I feel so nauseous today… ❞
❝ What should we name him/her/them? ❞ ❝ How many diapers do you think we’ll need? ❞ ❝ You’re crying over a puppy? ❞
❝ Is just strawberry okay? They didn’t have strawberries and cream. ❞ ❝ I’ve read this book four times I’m basically an expert by now. ❞ ❝ Boy or girl? ❞
❝ Wait, do we have everything on this list I found? ❞ ❝ Can you put the crib together? I’m so tired. ❞ ❝ This kid can come out anytime it’s ready. ❞
❝ You’re glowing. ❞ ❝ How far along are you? ❞ ❝ Please don’t freak out…but I’m pregnant. I SAID DON’T FREAK OUT. ❞
❝ Hospital. Now! ❞
❝ I think that was a contraction… ❞
❝ The due date’s not until next week! ❞
NEW BABY -
❝ S/He’s your kid before five in the morning. ❞
❝ We need to go on a diaper run again. ❞
❝ We’re out of formula–where’s the other can!? ❞
❝ Ugh, s/he spit up on my good shirt! ❞
❝ S/he won’t stop crying, I don’t know what to do. ❞
❝ Please take him/her, I’m going to go crazy with the screaming. ❞ ❝ Is it even possible for a baby to scream so much!? ❞ ❝ Should they be breathing like that? ❞ ❝ I need to go check on the baby. ❞
❝ If you never put him/her down you’ll spoil him/her. ❞ ❝ Daddy/Mommy’s little girl/boy! ❞ ❝ Good morning, little spawn of Satan! ❞ ❝ Shhh, they’re finally asleep. ❞
❝ Dammit, I just got them to sleep! ❞ ❝ Be careful, s/he’s a hair puller…. ❞ ❝ Where’s the pacifier!? ❞ ❝ I can’t find his/her blanket, please help me. ❞
❝ I’ve been up since four this morning, it’s your turn. ❞ ❝ I found you and the baby sleeping in the recliner at six am and it was so precious. ❞ ❝ Stroller, diaper bag, playpen, blanket, bottles, what else do we need before we go to your parents? ❞ ❝ A babysitter!? Are you insane!? ❞
❝ You’re going to spoil them. ❞
❝ We can’t go out with the baby, that’s just asking for trouble. ❞ ❝ Baby’s awake… ❞ ❝ S/he’s so precious…. ❞ ❝ This is our son/daughter…. ❞
❝ We make damn beautiful babies. ❞ ❝ Look at his/her little feet… ❞ ❝ S/he has your eyes. ❞ ❝ Do not dress him/her in that! ❞
❝ Be careful with him/her! ❞ ❝ Did you remember to pack his/her toy? ❞ ❝ His/her first tooth came in today. Already bit me.❞ ❝ Did you hear that? That was a cough.❞
❝ The kids won’t stop fighting. ❞ ❝ We should have another. ❞
❝ Stop giving them dessert before dinner! ❞ ❝ You’re going to spoil them rotten… ❞ ❝ You need to learn not to fall for the puppy dog eyes. ❞ ❝ I just love them so much!? ❞
❝ How are we going to break the news to them that they’re getting a brother/sister? ❞ ❝ Their screaming woke the baby… ❞
❝ I’m a horrible mother/father… ❞ ❝ How can you make the baby hush and I can’t? ❞ ❝ Was that a word!? ❞ ❝ His/her first word better not be a damn cuss word! ❞
❝ You look exhausted. ❞ ❝ First steps! First steps! ❞ ❝ Watch, s/he can roll over now! ❞ ❝ I don’t want anyone else watching our baby/children. ❞
❝ They totally wanted to build the pillow fort, not me. ❞ ❝ Can you manage dropping them off? ❞ ❝ Damn terrible twos, right? ❞ ❝ How did they outgrow their clothes so fast!? ❞
❝ I think we make damn good parents. ❞ ❝ Why are both you and the baby crying? ❞ ❝ Here, I’ll watch him/her, you go relax. ❞ ❝ I haven’t been able to put her/him down all morning/day/night. ❞
❝ S/he doesn’t want me, s/he wants you! ❞ ❝ S/he just ran into the coffee table, don’t worry. ❞ ❝ Stop fighting with me in front of the kid/s! ❞ ❝ We shouldn’t have dressed the twins in matching outfits… ❞
❝ Can I hold him/her? ❞ ❝ S/he has separation anxiety because you never put them down! ❞ ❝ My mother always hoped my kids would end up like me…I’m so sorry. ❞ ❝ I wouldn’t let them do ____, so they started crying. ❞
❝ Oh, s/he’s just a little angel! ❞ ❝ Hello, little one! ❞ ❝ I can babysit if you’d like. ❞ ❝ Guess who broke your favorite ____. ❞
❝ Finally got him/her/them to sleep. ❞ ❝ It’s your turn to put him/her/them to bed. ❞ ❝ I hate bath time. ❞ ❝ Can you help me with the kids for five goddamn minutes!? ❞
❝ I think ____ is jealous of the baby. ❞ ❝ ___ just hit ___, can you do something!? ❞ ❝ Is locking kids in the basement against the law!? ❞
❝ They’re cute when they’re quiet. ❞ ❝ Maybe taking them to the park will let out all their energy. ❞ ❝ _____ colored on the walls today… ❞ ❝ Look at the mess they made again… ❞
Me : I need to stop fangirling over 40 years old guys this is so stupid, they are like double my age and that is actually very wrong. If i was a parent, i would not be proud of myself. They are totally grown up men and they have kids, and I am still a teenager so..
Also me: Misha my little precious baby look at his smile I am in love with him and I wanna cuddle him and hug him and squeeze the shit out of him babyyyyyyyy. Look at his blue eyes and all and that beautiful smile of his.
it’s funny, so i just saw logan last night (which is both Very Funny and Very Not, but that’s a different story)
so you meet dear little laura, and you’re hanging out with her on this father-daughter bonding transamerican roadtrip, right? and she’s making shrieking noises and beheading people and stealing shit from convenience stores, and you’re like okay– secret weapons project, bioengineering, brainwashing, this makes sense. i see how you got here, you precious and wonderful child of death who i wish such good things for. it all makes sense.
but then you meet her cohort of other secret weapons children– and wait. these children are not like laura. these kids got some trauma and some superpowers, but are otherwise a lot more like “hi i’m johnny.” laura is a special murder snowflake.
in the ~final confrontation~ all laura’s buddies are, when cornered, taking down individual soldiers with faces that say “i am a scared but competent preteen and/or teen.” all of them team up to slowly and almost meditatively kill That One Douchebag, and it’s all very Big Deal, this is a Moment
and then you have laura, backflipping off her dad’s back while issuing an enraged nonverbal shriek of full-bodied fury and sticking her landing with her claws knuckle-deep in a baddie’s chest
what was she like in the lab? i mean, this kid clearly has a Protective Streak and also, you may have noticed, giant claws that spring from her tiny clenched fists, like, i bet this was a thing
i can just imagine the kids being like “laura’s late to the rendezvous, should we be worried?”
“she probably just got distracted by MURDER again, you know how it is, remember easter 2023?”
“oh damn it i miss that girl.”
“my favorite sister.”
“i thought i was your favorite sister.”
“only when i need my drink iced– ow– hey!– i’ll tell laura!”
“go ahead! she’ll side with me!”
tl;dr all tiny bilingual mutant found-families need a shrieking murder child
I have been writing almost 20K of angst and I’m in a need of some fluff. I love and protect all the Voltron HCs and AUs, but I especially love the AU where Shiro is an actual Dad™ and the others are actually little babies. But just imagine combining certain HCs with this AU:
• Single Dad Shiro and his little son, Keith, go to a daycare when Shiro has to work • This makes autistic Keith very uncomfortable. All the loud noises, gross textures and kids constantly wanting to touch him makes Keith freak out more than usual • Shiro worries about how much he has to take off work to get Keith. The whole point of daycare is to allow him to work more, in order to keep their house and keep Keith happy • Lance tries to befriend Keith, as the friendliest kid in the class, but Keith is at a nonverbal point and lashes out at Lance instead. He realizes that Lance is just trying to be nice, but he’s too overstimulated to care • Shiro has to pick up Keith early and learns that he got into a fight with another kid. Shiro constantly apologizes to the headmaster, but they don’t listen and kick Keith out for his behavior • When Shiro leaves sadly with a stressed Keith, Allura (a secretary working her last day) recognizes him as a war Veteran, who saved his entire team from being executed and recognizes the autistic behavior in Keith • She talks Shiro into bringing Keith to the daycare she has just opened, and states there will be less kids for Keith to worry about • Willing to try anything, Shiro agrees but worries for Keith. Keith is his first priority and doesn’t want to see him stressed again. • Allura’s daycare has several classes but her personal class only has 3 others kids besides Keith. Shiro hopes this works • Lance is one of the kids • Upon seeing Keith, Lance declares him as his “ETERNAL RIVAL, WHOM HE SHALL FIGHT.” But then he’s distracted by the dinosaurs that Pidge is playing with • Lance has ADHD • Pidge has OCD • Hunk has anxiety • Allura explains she made this class specific for children who require a different way of learning and have different needs • Keith seems to make friends with everyone, though he doesn’t realize it. Pidge likes how quiet he is and appreciates how he doesn’t touch their toys or disorganize them. Hunk enjoys when Keith gets angry at other kids during one of his anxiety attacks. Despite being rivals, Lance likes Keith’s energy once Keith warms up to them • Keith doesn’t understand the term “rivals” he also doesn’t understand jokes • Shiro is the dad that waits until all the kids’ parents have picked them up. He’s waited on several occasions with Keith’s friends • One time Lance waited for almost an hour and cried that they didn’t love him anymore. Keith was annoyed by the sound of his crying and told him so. Shiro went to scold him when he noticed that Lance had stopped crying to argue back. o Shiro told Lance that his family loved him very much and would never forget about him and the smile Lance sent him was worth it o Shiro didn’t realize so many people could fit into one car when Lance’s family finally pulled up. Dozens of people got out to thank Shiro and hug Lance. It turns out their other car broke down on their way to pick up Lance o Shiro offered to fix it and learned how gracious Lance’s family could be • Shiro has PTSD from his time in the army. He wakes up some nights with his hand reaching for a gun and sweat dripping down his back and screams ringing in his ears. Sometimes he stays awake all night just watching Keith sleep o Some nights Keith wakes up and silently crawls into Shiro’s bed • Allura suggests that Shiro look into a getting a therapy dog for Keith, that can help him calm down and stim • Turns out Keith prefers dogs over people and instantly bonds with the trained dog picked out for him. The dog adores Keith and always alerts Shiro when Keith becomes overstimulated or is about to have an outburst o The dog has also silently helped Shiro with his PTSD, waking him up before a nightmare gets bad, providing his fur against Shiro’s real hand when he’s experiencing a flashback, reminding Shiro to take off his prosthetic after a long day • Lance, Hunk and Pidge love Keith’s dog (named Red by Keith) • Lance has to be reminded that Red is not a play pet, but something that helps Keith and if Keith doesn’t want them near Red, they have to respect that o Pidge understands this best • Pidge learning from Allura that non-binary is real and a thing, thus Pidge starts referring themselves as they/them • Keith helps to “pretend bake” with Hunk when Hunk gets too nervous around other kids. Both of them bond with just being with one another • Lance and Keith get into many scuffles but non are as bad as their first encounter o Lance introduces Keith to his family as his “boyfriend” o Lance’s family coos and instantly takes videos of the moment; Keith is confused as he was promised a cupcake but he isn’t nervous around Lance’s big family as he is with others o Shiro makes copies for himself of the videos • Pidge and Keith usually silently sit together with Pidge building a tower and then letting Keith knock it over, only to repeat the process all over again
Just please, I love little kiddies AU and dad Shiro. Never let that AU die. Welp, I suppose its time for angst again.
i’m gonna throw in my fifty bucks at this argument again because i’m quite mad right now since cristiano can donate blood, money to charity, attend hundreds of events, keeps everything private, funds surgeries for kids the list literally goes on and he’s still shat on day to day on a spectrum of wide spread news outlets to your average toothless drunkard yet lionel messi who has ditched numerous events for unknown reasons or for his own vacation, donates nothing near ronaldo, committed tax evasion and now makes his fans worship his NAME instead of the BADGE of the club he plays for (even acknowledgement of his teammates efforts would suffice) is football’s little precious innocent son who wouldn’t hurt a fly. cristiano’s negative attitude in his early years of football, which is constantly brought up, needs to disappear and photos of him acknowledging the badge and/or plastered on his teammates needs to start getting major publicity because i am TIRED