is oddly arousing

  • hanzo, throwing a raw chicken into the middle of a swamp, saying to the camera: yeah my boyfriend is rather... odd. but I still love him.
  • camera pans over to the swamp and shakes a little as a huge three meter half-man, half-gator lurches out of the swamp to catch the raw chicken midair: howdy, hanzo
  • camera pans back to hanzo, who looks oddly aroused: ....hello, jesse
A Purr-ty Purr-fect Date

You couldn’t wait to see what Suga was going to surprise you with, being to drunk to remember the night you told them about your fantasies was worrying but oddly arousing. When he turned up at the door wearing an oversized black sweater and some black ripped you where a little confused, he looked gentle and cute but he wasn’t acting any particular way. You went along with it, him taking your hand which was then covered by his conveniently large sleeves making his hands appear more like paws. You tried your best to figure out the image he was trying to portray as you walked through the mall to your favourite coffee shop, Yoongi ordered two iced coffee’s and you sat on the couch nearest the window. 

You two chatted for a while, as he kept the gentle image he was showing. You where used to Yoongi being more of a bad boy than a flower boy but you accepted the cutesy nature today. After the coffee Yoongi lead your way passed different shops until you came to the pet store. “Yoongi why are we here? I don’t have any pets” You looked at him confused. “You need to pick a collar for your kitten” He smirked as he winked, grabbing your hand and leading you inside. You received an enthusiastic hello from the girl at the desk, as you made your way to the section for the biggest collars. 

You looked through them all when you came across a silk black collar with a bell in the centre, there was one laying on the shelf to try on your pets and it surprisingly fit Yoongi’s neck so you picked the cute black lead to match then made your way to the cash register. “Awh what’s your little guy like then?” The girl at the desk asked making conversation. “Oh ya know, he’s black and super fluffy and cute” You said as you looked over at Suga who was currently fluffing up and fixing his hair. “Sounds adorable!” she said joyfully, “Yeah he’s pretty cute!” You said smiling, if only she knew who the collar was for. As you walked hand in hand back to the car, you felt a heat burning in your stomach. 

When you got home you told Suga that you where going to change into something a little more comfortable, his reply was short and simply “So am I, meet you in the bedroom?” He said with a cheeky smile. “Alright Yoongi, bedroom in 5 minutes.” You said as you rushed up to your wardrobe then to the bathroom. You changed into your black lace nighty and removed your hair from the bobble it was restricted in. 

When you walked into the bedroom you came to a halt when you saw yoongi in nothing but his black boxers, kneeling with his head down infront of him, on the bed, infant of him, the collar, lead and a pair of fluffy black cat ears to be clipped into his hair. You stood for a second before proceeding to sit infant of him on the bed, you put your hand under his chin and tilted his face up, allowing him to sit up. You took the first cat ear, telling him to lean forward a little. You slid it into his fluffy hair before doing the same with the other one, making sure they where straight. 

You then took the collar, going behind him and placing it round his neck, tightening it so that there was only a slight restriction in his breathing, something about breath play was a massive turn on for you. You then took the lead and clipped it onto the collar, before going back to sitting infront of him. You tugged the lead sharply towards your face, bringing Yoongi’s lips to yours. He cheekily flicked his tongue over your bottom lip, you put one of your hands behind his head and pulled on his hair slighty, he moaned from the tingling sensation. “Are you going to be a good kitty for me?” You asked tilting your head to the side, he nodded giving you a pleading look in his eyes. “Good boy” You spoke again, bringing him into a kiss, you taking over and exploring his mouth. You don’t tend to enjoy being dominant but having a kitty to play with how could you resist. 

You made him lay back on the bed, removing his boxers, before you kissed from neck, to his collar bones, leaving bite marks, you followed all the way down to his abdomen, where you stopped. You took the lead, running the velvet strap over his sensitive member, his eyes closed and his legs began to shake at the sensation, his moans where quiet and sounded more like whimpers, he was yours and he knew that he had no power to stop your teasing. “Whats wrong kitten?” You asked condescendingly. “I wanna taste your milk mummy” He spoke, “Alright kitten, I think I can allow that” You said.

 You kneeled with one leg on either side of his face, his lush plump lips and rosé tongue only millimetres away from your women hood. “Okay kitty, be good” You said ruffling his hair slightly before lowering yourself close enough for his mouth to reach you. He started off with kitten licks, back and forth making sure to tease your clit, your eyes closed, a small moan leaving your lips. before he slid his tongue began to move fast, dipping in and out of you at an ungodly pace, your moans began to get louder and he began to use his teeth to pinch at your clit. You unknowingly began riding his face as his tongue continues to work until you come undone at the work of his mouth, his kitten licks clean up all of your juices (his milk) then you dismount. 

“Such a good boy Kitty” you said as you caress his face, now lets give you a little reward shall we? You said as you climbed over his abdomen, slowly sliding onto his member as you both moan out in pleasure, you go slow at first, teasing him as you trace patterns on his chest with the silk lead, as you get paster he begins to beg “please mummy, I need you” you nod, “I know kitten you do kitten, soon” you said. You began to get faster and faster, you could feel yourself getting closer and the shaking of Yoongi’s legs along with his eyes screwed shut and mouth open showed you he was close too, you got finally reached your high, Yoongi joining in at the same time as you pulled him up by the collar to kiss him. “That was amazing” he spoke out of breath, “I know kitten, you’re such a good boy” You said as you got off of him. 

You began moving up to undo the collar and unclip the lead, when you tried to remove the ears however, Suga pawed you away, “Its not often you get to cuddle a kitten mummy, come into the bed and join me” He said, taking your hand and pulling the soft duvet over you as you fell asleep stroking his soft hair and ears.

-END-

in honour of the #releasethedrafts thing going round, have a thing:

If The Beast is an Adonis, then The Commander is nothing sort of a god. His outfit is the same slutty police officer costume that The Beast wears, except he also has one fingerless glove on his hand, and leather straps across his shoulders. Most strikingly, he struts across the stage in towering heeled boots. Even from across the room, Levi can tell the other man would practically engulf him if they were to stand next to each other. The thought is oddly arousing, and he shudders.

Hanji screeches, waving around a few bills whilst Petra falls over laughing.

“Oh my God, don’t do that,” Moblit yells, pulling Hanji down. But it’s too late, The Commander has spotted them and makes a show of strutting over.

And shit, he’s tall. Even without the heels Levi reckons he’d be over six foot. But he can’t really think about anything else after that, because the Commander sprawls over their sofa as if he owns it. Up close, he’s somehow even more good-looking, a classically handsome face roughed up by the skimpy costume and a bit of eyeliner.

“Having fun?” The Commander smiles slowly.

He doesn’t purr in a show of seduction, just a low rumble in a casual tone. He was hot, and he knew it. There was no need for anything else.

“You’re amazing!” Hanji yells, and stuffs a few notes down his crotch. The Commander spreads his legs wider, grinning. “I’m getting married!” The audience around them cheers, and Levi suddenly realises the spotlight has followed The Commander to their booth.

“And who’s the lucky partner?” the Commander asks. He flicks a glance at Levi, who suddenly feels frozen to the spot.

“Here! This is Petra!” Hanji shoves her fiancée into the spotlight. Petra blushes and giggles as the audience cheers again. “I’M GETTING MARRIED TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND HER NAME IS PETRA RAL,” Hanji screams.

“I think a congratulatory dance is in order!” The Commander booms. “Ladies!” A few of the female dancers join their table, waving around plastic batons. The siren blares again; another spotlight lands on the stage, where The Beast begins another dance routine. The spotlight on their booth fades, but it’s clear that they’re now part of the show too. The music starts up again, and a few giggly female performers begin lapdances on Petra and Hanji. Another straddles a dazed looking Moblit whilst another shimmers closer to Levi.

“I like cock,” Levi snaps out of his stupor, waving her away. She shrugs, and makes her way back to the stage.

He realises that she wasn’t the only one who heard him. The Commander slinks closer to stand in front of him. His impressive crotch, still stuffed with a few of Hanji’s bills, is right in front of his face. “You like cock, huh?”

“Nrgh,” Levi garbles.

The Commander smiles slowly, lowering his knees on the sofa, on either side of his lap.

“You don’t have to-” Levi blurts. “I’m only here for Hanji.”

“Your soon-to-be-married friend?”

Levi nods, slapping himself mentally. How the fuck was the Commander supposed to know who Hanji was? The Commander tosses a glance to the side; Hanji is whooping as a girl shimmies over Petra, who’s blushing like crazy. “I think she’s occupied.”

“Uh- I didn’t bring any notes,” Levi admits, mortified. “Didn’t think I’d use them.”

The Commander, instead of pulling away, laughs heartily. He ducks his head closer, breath landing hot all over Levi’s neck. “Consider this on the house.”

And oh God, was Levi really getting a lapdance from the hottest person in the room? The Commander, despite his huge size, is lithe when he dances, body rolling smoothly to the beat. Levi gasps, feeling his trousers tent up. He desperately wants to reach out and touch the other man, but he isn’t supposed to do that. Instead, he desperately shoves his hands under his thighs, eyes wide as The Commander brushes their crotches together, ever so slightly.

“Oh my God,” Levi whimpers. He’s hardly the type for public displays of affection, but he doesn’t even care that the spotlight’s still on him and potentially dozens of people could be watching. “Oh my God.”

The Commander chuckles. His thick thighs are straddled across his own, and his huge body is practically blocking Levi’s line of vision, until all his can see is this oiled, glorious body. “Oh yeah,” The Commander purrs, leaning down. His hips roll in a slow tease, and he brings his arms down on either side of Levi’s head, bringing their faces so close together Levi can see the beads of sweat dappled across his forehead. Up close, the other man smells of sweat and fragranced oil. He smells like sex and sin.

“What’s your name?” The Commander asks, tracing the shell of his ear with the tip of his tongue. Levi almost comes right there.

“L-Levi,” Levi gasps.

The Commander’s eyes glitters. “Can I kiss you, Levi?”

Fuck yes,” Levi moans, and then The Commander is grinning before pressing their lips together. Heat seems to radiate off them, the sounds of the room fading. There’s only the sounds of their moans, and despite the noise, Levi can somehow hear the other man: Oh fuck yes, you’re gorgeous, you’re beautiful-

No one has ever called him beautiful before. Maybe handsome, when Hanji was trying to raise his self esteem. And The Commander knew he had no money on him, so surely he wasn’t just saying it?

Before he can help himself, Levi finds his hands are twisting into the Commander’s hair, bringing him closer. They’re not supposed to touch any of the dancers here but Levi doesn’t care, can’t care when The Commander is moaning, the sounds vibrating right through his chest.

*based on a fanart that i lost the link for but if i find it again i’ll add it to the post*

4

Kevin Khatchadourian from We Need to Talk about Kevin

or, The Adventures of the Absurdly Attractive Adolescent Antisocial Mass Murderer and his Mother

a brief list of my favourite snez tropes:

  • characters asking for permission to sneeze/apologising for sneezing
  • stubborn character succumbs to allergies/falls sick (aggressively stubborn characters + sneezing is a dream combination tbh)
    • said character getting mad when others advise them to rest/go indoors, insisting on carrying on with their day as per normal in spite of occasional sneezing fits
  • character 1: *talks at length, keeps pausing to sneeze, doesn’t acknowledge it*
    character 2, after the third sneeze: are you catching a cold?
    character 1: me? catching a co– *turns away to sneeze* a cold? impossible
  • character sneezing from triggers that were deliberately employed by another character to cause sneezing, e.g. torture scenarios, even better if they refuse to sneeze
  • character 1, normally well-put-together/polite/fastidious, rendered a mess by a surprise sneezing fit
    • character 2 teases them about the mess they are, causing character 1 to attempt, and fail, to hold back their subsequent sneezes
    • character 1 sneezes on character 2 by accident…and character 2 is oddly aroused by this utter lack of restraint
  • also a well-put-together character, trying their very best to keep up with their own traitorous respiratory system, covertly cleaning up and fixing their appearance every time, only to have their efforts come undone again and again
Watch on regiaam.tumblr.com

@/no chill yaoi ;)

this is oddly arousing