is my swag distracting you

Some hilarious prompts #2

(bcs why not) Finally my collection of text posts will get in use omgg :D:D:DD:

(is possible to be customized)
(Send me requests with 1/1+ prompt/s. I write about a lot of fandoms and also a lot of different things : one shots/scenarios/imagines/headcanons/chats/conversations/aesthetics/alomst anything) REQUESTS ARE OPEN! (for promts from this list and from the first one ; third one)

82. Do you ever talk to a person and your heart starts doing some dubstep shit.

83. If you can’t deal with my sarcasm, I can’t deal with being your friend. 

84. I’m nothing but a constant state of internal screaming at this point.

85. I went to the beach once, 500 years later I still have fucking sand in my shoes.

86. How long after arriving at someone’s house is it appropriate to ask for the WiFi password?

87. Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

88. Thanks elevators, for bringing me up when I was down.

89.  Here’s a little song I like to call “I cherish our friendship so I won’t tell you I would totally have sex with you if you asked.”

90. A: Do you ever get the urge to get up in the middle of the night while everyone else  is fast asleep and just walk places and be completely and entirely dedicated to your thoughts?
      B: Yea, but the problem is I don’t want to get murdered. You feel me. 

91. Let me sleep in your stupid t-shirts and hold your dumb hand, you piece of shit.

92. need a gang to follow me around all day and clap when I make jokes.

93.  You know that feeling when you’re not your favourite person’s favourite person, and it kind of feels like you’re constantly swallowing sand.

94. “Stop being so dramatic” they say, “I don’t know what you mean” I say as I descent from the ceiling, surrounded by mist.

95. Just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot.

96. Studies show that I literally did not ask.

97. A: It doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside…
      B: Whew!!! good
      A:…It’s who you are on the inside!
      B: Ah, fuck!

98.  A (puts their hand over their crush’s): Ha ha how’d that get there?

99. I express my emotions in long groans at different octaves.

100. I mean you piss me off, but I’d do anything for you.

101. Honestly, sometimes you just gotta let me be dramatic. Because I will get over it. But let me be dramatic first!

102. Do you ever feel like a 4 times divorced 45 year old woman that smokes cigarettes in her fur coats on a grand piano? Cause I do and it’s sad.

103. Single, not sure how to mingle.

104. I love it when people rant to me, like yes, I am entrusted with your hate.

105. My idea of flirting is making fun of each other, until one of us fucks up and says something nice.

106. A: I hate playing “never have I ever” because I’m a fucking slut.
        B: I hate playing “never have I ever” because I’m a fucking virgin.

107. Do you live on Elm Street, because you’re a nightmare.

108. Remember your parents told you to take out the trash? I’m the trash. They were telling you to take me out. Date me.

109. You know, liking someone and pretending you don’t is a lot of hard work.

110. How do you politely tell someone that you want them naked and on top of you?

111.  A (whispering): I really like you and want to kiss you a lot.
        B: What?
        A: I said you suck.

112. Have you ever accidentally befriended someone who is very very irritating?

113.  If you step on a person’s foot they open their mouth, just like a trash can.

114. How do I get over someone I never even dated?

115. Things I want - snuggles. Things get - struggles.

116. If you see me and I’m not wearing black, you saw wrong, that’s not me.

117. Why do we need to watch the sky to enjoy the stars, when the ulitimate star is me.

118. I hate when It’s so hot outside and a bitch tells you to take your jacket off, like bitch no, this is my outfit.

119. If karma doesn’t come around and hit you in the face, I will.

120. I don’t think I’ve ever shut up in my entire life.

121. A: You don’t talk much.
        B: I’m observing your weaknesses since you’re so freely verbalizing everything about yourself.

122.  A: My kink is when people actually care about my feelings and what I have to say
         B: Too unrealistic, settle for bondage like the rest of us.

123. A: Your future self is watching you right now through your memories.
        B: Not if I get drunk enough.

124. A: Is there a word between angry and sad?
        B: Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated.
        A: Smad.
        B: Oh my gOD.

125. Does the pale glow of my computer make me look hot?

126. Rest in peace to all the hours of sleep I’ve lost to overthinking.

127. You know it’s really rude to talk while I’m interrupting.

128. Is “no” an emotion, because I feel it?

129.  I always look sleep deprived is that hot?

130. If you listen carefully you can hear me whisper “shut the fuck up” at least once every five minutes.

131. I’m kind of hurt, kind of offended, kind of not planning on saying anything about it.

132.  I’m tired 8 days a week.

133. I don’t trust people who look good with messy hair.

134.  I may be a shitty friend, but I’m your shitty friend.

135. Seven billion people on this planet and I have 2 friends. What is wrong with people, like put some effort in it, I’m not just gonna come and do the job for you.

136.  I’m sorry, is my swag distracting you?

137. I aspire to get to that level of hot when my hair looks like shit and I smell like black coffee and yesterday’s eyeliner is smudged under my eyes, but I still look fine as hell.

138. A: No, listen! What if one day you just turned into an almond and you couldn’t do anything about it because you were just a fucking almond?!
       B: You need to get laid, you weirdo.

139. A: You wear that a lot.
        B: That’s because I’m the main character of the story here, peasant.

140.  I don’t “dress to impress”, I dress to depress. I want to look so good that people hate themselves.

141. Behind every great man is me, checking out that ass.

142. The future is now, old man.

143. Seriously, all you do is bitch.

144. Are you trying to seduce me? Because so far you’re doing a great job.

145. Forgive and forget? More like resent and remember.

146. I’m that kind of person who between two choices always picks the wrong one.

147. I know what you’re going through, I read “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”.

148. Excuse me, I hate to go and vomit.

149. A: One day I hope I am the girl that walks into a room and all eyes are on her.
        B: The trick is to get a really big hat and scream.

150.  So tired of being human, I want to be a flower.

151. Screenshots don’t scare me, I know what the fuck I said!

152. I’m sorry for what I said, I was hungry.

153. A: Don’t buy a girl flowers. Flowers die. Buy her a dragon.
        B: Because dragons don’t die?
        A: Because it’s hard to say “no” to something that can murder you instantaneously.

154. I want to be rebellious, but I don’t want to get in trouble.

155. A to B: Breaking news: being an asshole all the time doesn’t make you complicated and mysterious, it just makes you an asshole

156. You know it’s really rude to talk while I’m interrupting.

157. One of these days I’m going to roll my eyes too hard and I’m gonna go blind.

158. I’m not a hint taker, you need to speak up.

159. Why allow yourself to be full of hate, when you can be full of pasta instead?

160. I’m an angry person and I want to let it all out and be an asshole, but I’m also a nice person and I don’t want to actually hurt anyone’s feelings, do you feel me?

  • McKinley: *doing paperwork like a good District Leader*
  • McKinley: I would appreciate if you would stop. *inner battle on whether to join him*
  • Price: I’m sorry, is my swag distracting you? *winks*
  • McKinley: *flushes* Get the heck out of my office.

127. You know it’s really rude to talk while I’m interrupting.
130. If you listen carefully you can hear me whisper “shut the fuck up” at least once every five minutes.
136. I’m sorry, is my swag distracting you?

@jaekhyungie Here you go! :) 💜


“Earth to Fred! Hello! You here mate?” Geroge’s waving hand brought Fred back to reality and broke his gaze previously glued to a special someone across the Hall.

“Seems like your brother had lost it completely for this one heh!” - Oliver chuckled, pushing George with his shoulder, who was sitting in front of Fred, hand rested on his palms, a mischievous grin across his face.

“Oh my God Fred! Ask her out already!” - Ron said in his usual desperete sounding voice. It seemed like Fred was deaf to all of his friend’s mocking and ‘encouraging’.

Until Ginny plopped herself down right ext to him and hit the table with both hands and loudly interrupted the conversation “Fred, it’s your lucky day today!”

The twin looked at his sister, curious, but still rather distracted. “Ginny please fix the guy, because today we missed like two golden opportunities for pranks and that’s just sad!”

Fred tossed a cupcake at his brother and told him to bugger off with a laugh. “Listen now brother, because you are so lucky that I’m your sister, I went to the pretty lady and asked her if she is has a date for the Ball–”

“Oh my God Ginny! Don’t tell me you stole Fred’s date!” - Ron said worriedly, earning himself some weird looks from almost everybody around. After a brief and quite awkward silence Ginny proceeded - “You know it’s really rude to talk while I’m interrupting Ron also Neville asked me already, so you’re safe Fred.”

Ginny had Fred’s full attention at the moment, even though he tried to seem not as interested and cool with everything. “So she’s free and now all you have to do is grow back your balls and ask her out!”

Harry chocked on his drink in laughter and almost spilled it on himself, while Hermione just had her hand covering her mouth, discreetly trying not to grin. “Merlin’s beard Ginny! If mom heard you–Ayya!”

She kicked her whiny brother under the table and stuck her tongue out at him “Come on Ronald, as if you didn’t think it as well”. He pouted and murmured under his nose “Why you had to kick me so hard though”

She rolled her eyes at him glancing at Harry for a second, then pat Fred’s shoulder. “Wait what did you mean with ‘grow your balls again’? They didn’t go anywhere!”

“Let’s go through the whole thing again” - George said and Fred nodded his head, fixing his cloak “So she gets out of class. You go to her and–” - “And I woo her with my charms! Don’t worry, I got it brother!”

George just laughed sarcastically at this “Yeah alright, just don’t – well just go there and do it, it’s not a big deal!” he squakily said, as if it was just so obvious and easy. “O, here she comes!”

So the thing was that usually it would be easy peasy, however Fred never liked a girl as much as he liked you. Never had his palms sweat, or the back of his neck tingling right before he has to talk with you. Pft! He was cool with girls, even when he liked them, it wasn’t like he had not been on a date before!

So what was it about you that made it different? Was it because you were a Slytherin, and your personalities vere basically the same?! Probably! It could be!

“Hey!” - He approached you and cleared his throat. A smile crept on his face immediately after looking at you. “Hey there Weasley! Anything I can help you with?” - your voice rang in his ears and he could swear there was a halo around your head, and stars and sparkles around too!

You were looking at him, trying to figure out what he wanted to say, but for a few seconds he was just smiling, eyes looking blank. “I’m sorry, is my swag distracting you?” - You mocked, one hand on your chest, flirtariously looking up at him through your lashes.

He laughed at your comment, nervously scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, kind of actually, I just lost it for a moment!” You smiled widely at his unexpectedly sincere comment. “Well I can’t blame you, consireding you’re looking at that!” - you said poining at yourself.

That’s what he liked about you so much! Talking with you was always so easy, and never awkward. You knew how to make a good joke and weren’t afraid to even mock yourself and you did it in such adorable way! Very hard to resist indeed!

“So, I heard you didn’t have a date for the Ball?” he said cautiously, but with flirty eyes. “Yeah, your sister already investigated that question.”
He felt his heart twitching at this point, so maybe she knew he was going to come and ask her out!

“So no one asked you or…?” you shook your head and crossed your arms “No, they asked, a lot of them actually, and honestly If you listen carefully you can hear me whisper “shut the fuck up” at someone least once every five minutes! Boys can be gross sometimes you know! Like this Ravenclaw guy, oh my Lord!–”

“Why? What did he do?” Fred asked, now with somewhat concerned voice. “He was a bloody cocky bastard. That’s all.” You found it sweet that he was worried if someone didn’t do anything bad to you. Though you were perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, it was sweet of his!

“So–” you started, slowly tucking a lock of hair behind your ear, a warm smile on your lips - “Did you want to ask me something?” 

His eyes lost the darkness to them once he heard your cheerful voice again. “Yes! Actually, I was wondering if you would like to come to the Ball with me.”

“I thought by now it was obvious that I would love to Weasley!” You both smiled at eachother and he took a deep breath of relief, but brought his eyes back at you when you playfully told him “Honestly I though you’d ask me out earlier!” arms still crossed, a suggestive smirk painted on your face.

“Well, you know, I had to keep the element of surprise!”


Text Post meme, Deuxième débat de la primaire de droite Edition, 2/2

(Bruno le Maire, disant que les profs devraient “faire un effort : “I just pretend I know what i’m talking about 150% of the time/ If you can’t blow them away with your brilliance baffle them with your bullshit)

(Copé, étant… Copé : I’m sorry, is my swag distracting you)

(Fillon, ennuyeux et ennuyé : im either annoying or annoyed thats it)

(NKM, qui SLASH : I wouldn’t go as far as calling myself a bad bitch i’m more of a moderately mean young lady)