is just the most heartbreaking thing to me

keith being so scared to break is the most heartbreaking thing to me. notice the way he hides his face with his hand when he’s about to crumble. how after his outburst and apologies he avoids direct eye contact with the camera on and off throughout the rest of the video. he’s trying so hard to stay composed. this is the same boy who fought countless members of the BOM and didn’t cry once, but being alone and talking himself into a corner, unwrapping himself even though it’s just for him… it’s too much for him. and that tbh.. speaks volumes for his character

3

My favorite part about this kiss is how intense Dylan/Stiles’ face is. He’s kissing her like she’s his lifeline, the air he breathes. He’s so consumed in this moment, in this kiss, in Lydia. You can feel how much he loves her and how much this moment means to him. This is everything Stiles has spent the past 10 years building up to, and the intensity with which he kisses Lydia is like none I’ve ever seen. Lydia holds onto to Stiles, kissing him back just as forcefully, and we get this incredible moment that seems to stop time. I just can’t get over how much you can tell that this is quite possibly the most important day of Stiles’ life just by the expression he makes when kissing Lydia. It’s gentle and intense and heartbreaking all at the same time. You can feel the gentleness he possesses for Lydia, but it’s also this intense fire that burns hot enough to consume them both. It’s so amazing that these two completely opposite things can exist simultaneously in just one expression. Dylan never ceases to amaze me with how much he understands Stiles as a character and his unconditional love for Lydia.

Saw Great Comet yesterday (7-30-17), and I just wanted to share some of my experience with you guys! I was sitting in the rear mezz, which I highly recommend!

*I'mma skip over a lot of the main details just because they’ve already been covered, but I’ll try to include things that were particular to this show/not often talked about.

“Prologue”

• There’s a little vignette right before the show starts where Andrey is leaving for war, and it begins with Natasha screaming the most heartbreaking no you’ve ever heard in ur life.
• When Oak came out, there was thunderous applause. Like, it went on for at least a full minute. I was so happy.
• Also, hearing that first accordion note reduced me to tears bc I’m sensitive™.

“Pierre”

• So lemme talk about Oak’s voice real quick. Someone noted that it’s this perfect blend between Groban’s smoothness and Malloy’s roughness, and I have to wholeheartedly agree. It’s absolutely beautiful. He’s a beautiful Pierre.
• Also, he plays Pierre with a lot of melancholy. It’s almost as though he’s always on the verge of tears.
• “He’s charming; he has no sex.” While the ladies are skipping around him, Hélène is conducting them, and it’s hilarious.
• “I pity you. I pity me. I pity you.” — Oak sings these lines so gutturally. His agony echoes off the very walls of the Imperial.
• “Pierre” received a long applause as well.

“Moscow”

• GRACE MCLEAN DESERVED TO BE NOMINATED FOR A TONY AWARD!1! HOLY CRAP. HER VOCALS BRING THE HOUSE DOWN!!!!!!!
• The moment she belts her first lines, you know exactly what kind of personality Marya D. has, and that’s a tribute to her actress. Srsly.
• During the song, Marya will sometimes act maternally to Sonya, but the moment Natasha comes back into sight, she’ll roughly push Sonya away, and it’s hilarious.
• Natasha’s humming is absolutely heartbreaking. It’s one of the many moments in the musical when you realize how young she is.

“The Private and Intimate Life of the House”

• There were understudies for both Mary and Bolkonsky/Andrey, Courtney Bassett and Ken Clark respectively. They were wonderful. Ken’s performance especially stood out to me.
• “People enjoy me, though…” Before he sang these lines, he held eye contact with a person across from him for, like, five seconds, and it was incredibly funny. (Same goes for him patting his wig and powder flying into the air.)
• “BRING ME MY SLIPPERS! YES, FATHER. YES, FATHER. BRING ME MY WIIIIIIIIIIIIINE.”
• The audience interaction in this one is A+. Mary’s suitor and Bolkonsky’s cheap French thing draw huge laughs from the crowd.
• “They are there upon his head.” I’ve seen a few posts where people lament that the audience laughs at this line, but I truly think it’s supposed to be laughed at. Mary is kind of coy when she says it, like she’s laughing at it herself. After that, though, her mood dips, slowly sinking into this utterly palpable reproach.
• The audience was completely silent.
• While she’s singing her final lines, Bolkonsky is slowly making his way back to his chair, and your heart shatters as you watch. He’s clutching his back and using the railing for support. When he finally collapses in his chair, he kinda puts his head in his hands.

“Natasha and the Bolkonskys”

• Towards the beginning of the song, Natasha and Mary hoist chairs over their heads and join a table of people on stage. It’s hilarious. They really milk the awkwardness of the moment.
• “Constrained and strained” is so frickin’ good. When Courtney and Denée sing it, it’s really low and creepy.
• “Says the mean, old man in his underthings” drew huge laughs, especially bc of Bolkonsky’s hand movements. He kept gesturing towards his entire body.

“No One Else”

• Honest to God, I could write essays on how perfect Denée Benton and her performance of this song is. She emotes so beautifully. Her voice, her movements, her facial expressions all come together to create Natasha, a young, lost girl who wants nothing more than to see Andrey again.
• I cried (obviously).
• The blue light is absolutely gorgeous in this song. (The blue light is meant to be the moon.)
• At one point, Andrey shows up, and snow begins to lightly fall on him. He reads one of Natasha’s letters, brings it to his lips tenderly before walking away, and just behind him, almost able to reach him, is Natasha, her face the perfect picture of despair.
Denée Benton.
• The applause after this song was long and well-deserved.

“The Opera”

• Just for the record, songs like this one, “The Duel”, and “The Abduction"—where all of the cast members are out—are absolutely electric. The energy is incredible.
• “The opera, the opera…” Marya D. belts these lines so loudly, lololol.
• On one side, you can spot Heath Saunders as one of the opera goers, and lemme just tell you guys, that long, black coat suits him.
• “Hélène and Dolokhov arm-in-arm…” They aren’t so much arm-in-arm as they are passionately making out on stage. Omg. I love them.
• “Noooo, I’m enjoying myself this evening.” Pierre pumps his fist and smiles this absolutely giddy smile.
• When Marya sees that Natasha is talking to Hèlène, she runs up and pushes Nat behind her.
• To indicate that the “curtain rises,” some of the light bulbs retract. It’s a cool effect.
• I know the literal opera part of the song sounds incredibly weird on the recording, but in person, it’s more hilarious than you’d think. The actors are doing ridiculous things and making animalistic noises, lol.
• When it’s over, the spotlight turns to Natasha and Sonya. Sonya’s asleep, lolololololol.
• Right before Anatole comes in and around the time Natasha begins to “pass into a state of intoxication”, she hallucinates Andrey being injured during the war. The two circle each other around Pierre’s salon, simply gazing into each other’s eyes, and it’s intense.
• Anatole’s entrance is frickin’ ridiculous and amazing all at once.
• You know those measured beats at the beginning of his introduction? During each of those, he sharply turns his head in a new direction, ostensibly to show off his head.
• Also, his walk is literally a swagger.
• Either in this scene or during “Natasha and Anatole”, he caught a lady unaware and kissed her on the cheek. She jumped so badly, lolololol.

“Natasha and Anatole”

• During the intro of the song, Anatole checks himself out in a mirror before posing himself perfectly for the moment Natasha turns around to see him.
• Also, let’s talk about Lucas Steele for a hot minute. He is Anatole Kuragin, from his almost exotic voice to the way he walks. Out of the cast, I’d say that Steele is the one who plays the crowd the best.
• Throughout this number, Anatole and Natasha play the roles of pursuer and the pursued. Natasha tries so hard not to be wrapped under his spell. :(
• When he takes the flower off her head, Natasha makes a perfect :O face. I love Denée Benton.
• “And kiss me on the neck.” He does manage to get this kiss, and it’s really rough-looking.
• “How do you like Moscow?” Lolololololololol.
• For the most part, the two are roving around the stage (mostly bc Natasha is running away from Anatole), but at the end, they sit down next to each other, and it’s played as a really significant moment.

“The Duel”

• “The Duel” is epic live. Holy freakin’ crap.
• The moment Dolokhov, Pierre, and Anatole clink their glasses together, the strobe lights come on and the real party begins. There’s intensely sexual dancing, half-naked people, and glow sticks everywhere.
• Y'all, I saw Marya D., in a skin tight, black costume no less, whip several people with a riding crop with my own two eyes.
• Also, in the very back of the rear mezz, there was, like, a threesome going on.
• The energy during this song was absolutely nuts.
• Sonya’s party outfit is so cute. It’s an almost innocent looking dress, and she’s wearing bright sunglasses.
• The ensemble echoing back “corpulence” is really frickin’ funny.
• Nick Choksi really highlights the psychopathic part of Dolokhov, especially in the “Here’s to the health of married women” sequence. His movements are jubilant but also shark-like. He and Hélène make out for a loooooong time.

“Dust and Ashes”

• Oak’s “Dust and Ashes” is an absolute privilege to hear, and if you have the chance, I would go and listen to it while you can. His voice could have shaken the entire foundation of the theater.
• While he’s singing, the entire cast lines up in the rear mezz to provide backup vocals, and it’s incredibly poignant. (Also, tho, Lucas Steele stood in front of me, and I died.)
• “Don’t let me die while I’m like this…” During these lines, Oak starts crying, and it guts you.
• There was a two minute applause for “Dust and Ashes”, and I was on the verge of crying just bc he was getting such a huge applause.
• Oak is perfect, okay?

“Sunday Morning” / “Charming”

• “Everyone sees a man!” Ingrid delivers this line so well. It got a huge laugh.
• AHHHHHHHHH, now here’s a symbolic moment for you. When Natasha says that she can see a shape in the darkness as she’s looking into the mirror, Pierre is standing up right behind her. Pierre is her future.
• (The moment Nat leaves, he sits back down.)
• Amber Gray can slay me, tbh. “Charming” is everything I could have ever asked for.
• When she walks in, the lights are bright behind her, and her hood is over her head, effectively masking her identity. It’s a really neat moment.
• The lights dim when she takes off her hood.
• Natasha is in her undergarments throughout the song until Hélène gives her her cloak. (Btw, Natasha looks gr8 in said cloak.)
• At some point, Natasha starts mimicking Hélène’s movements, and it’s adorable but also a really nice character touch. Same goes for Hélène snatching Andrey’s necklace off of Nat’s neck and exchanging it for her own pearls.

“The Ball”

• This number was enchanting. I had a hard time focusing on the main stage bc the dancers in the rear mezz. were so mesmerizing in their movements.
• Also, tho, the ensemble dancers mimicked what Anatole and Natasha were dancing at times.
• When Natasha tries to run away from Anatole, he pursues her up the steps and forces their first kisses. She’s surprised at first, but gives into it with abandon a few seconds later. The kiss lasts a very long time.
• At the end of “The Ball”, Natasha and Anatole run through the doors together and then turn to face the audience. They’re holding hands. The lights are bright behind them.

“Letters”

• “Letters” is such a frickin’ jam, y'all.
• When it starts, the cast members spill out of the double doors singing.
• At the beginning of “Letters”, just as Pierre is addressing Andrey, Andrey appears at the top of the stairs. Pierre faces him.
• “I see nothing but the candles in the mirror.” For one of the very few times in the play, Natasha and Pierre face each other.
• The geometric symmetry in the choreography is really wonderful all around. For instance, at one point, Mary, Natasha, and Pierre are all positioned in a triangle, taking turns facing one another.
• Anatole’s love letter was an absolute showstopper. People were whistling, clapping, and screaming when he started holding those really long notes. Holy crap @ Lucas Steele!!!!!

“Sonya and Natasha” / “Sonya Alone”

• “Sonya and Natasha” is intense. I was on the edge of my seat for their fighting.
• “I’m soooooooooooooo happy, and sooooooooooo frightened.” Kill it, Denée!!!! (When she’s singing about her happiness, her arms are extended widely, and when she’s singing about being frightened, she withdraws into herself.)
• “I have no will. My life is his.” During these lines, Natasha is wrapped around an increasingly agonized Sonya.
• “Sonya Alone” is one of the most powerful numbers in the show, and you really don’t recognize it until you see it live.
• The theater is almost completely dark with the exception of a spotlight on Sonya. Throughout the entirety of the song, Natasha is ambling about, tightly clutching Anatole’s letter.
• Sonya never takes her eyes off of Natasha, and your heart can’t help but ache for both of them.
• Ingrid Michaelson is truly a wonderful Sonya—maybe not as sure as Brittain but she definitely doesn’t lack heart.
• On the first “I will protect your name and your heart”, Natasha stumbles on a stair, staggered by the weight of her friend’s words. Then, she walks to the opposite side of the stage, only to be completely stopped by Sonya’s, “I know you’ve forgotten me.”
• For the rest of the song, Natasha is still, her head inclined towards Sonya.

“Preparations” / “Balaga”

• When Pierre greets Anatole at the beginning of this number, it’s almost as though he’s caught Anatole out. Anatole had been trying to sneak past unnoticed.
• Anatole shaves in front of a mirror during “Preparations”, lol. At one point, he turns to the crowd with shaving cream still on his face.
• Dolokhov sings his arguments at Anatole very fiercely during this song, even more so than he does in the recording.
• I looooooooooooove “Balaga”. It’s such a wild performance. Paul Pinto moves with such agility and manic energy. The ensemble hands out the egg shakers during this one.

“The Abduction”

• “THE ABDUCTION” IS SO GOOOD. HOLY CRAPPP.
• Anatole singing “WHOOOOA” while swinging his green jacket cleared my skin, watered my crops, and cured my depression.
• The whole theater is absolutely alive with commotion. There’s a dance off between a guy in the rear mezz and a guy on stage that’s frickin’ amazing.
• People are doing backflips.
• Natasha smashes a painting on Balaga’s head.
• Marya and Hélène are making out.
• Pierre is doing a cute jig.
• It’s beautiful, beautiful chaos.
• When Pierre screams his “WHOA” part, everyone collapses on the floor, absolutely exhausted, and then, then, the most wonderful thing happens.
• Pierre giggles.
• “Hee-hee-hee.”
• God, I love Oak.
• “Wait, wait. First we have to sit down.” Anatole made room for himself next to a girl, which was hecking funny, but what was even funnier was that the girl leaned her head on Anatole’s shoulder. The whole theater dissolved in laughter. Anatole held the quiet for a comedically long period before getting up, and when he did, he kissed the girl on the cheek. It was really cute.
• When Marya entered at the end of the song, surrounded by this harsh, red light, there were audible gasps in the audience. People weren’t expecting her, lol.

“In My House”

• GRACE MCLEAN DESERVED A TONY NOMINATION: PART TWO.
• She acted her butt out through this entire song. I’m serious.
• Her voice is dangerously quiet until, “YOU LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU. YOU LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU.”
• The tension in the room was palpable.
• Also, all of the yelling you hear on the recording? It’s so much more intense live. It’s fierce enough to make you flinch.
• “Don’t touch me!” At one point when Natasha screamed this, she physically pushed Marya away, and Marya wasn’t angry so much as she was stunned.
• “Natasha’s whole body shook with noiseless, convulsive sobs.” She was literally bent over, grasping the railing like she couldn’t breathe.
• “And she threw herself down on the sofa.” Natasha stands erect with her arms crossed and her head buried in them. The spotlights focus on her, and that’s when Marya softens.
• You can see the fight leave Grace McLean’s body. Her voice is incredibly tender.

“A Call to Pierre” / “Find Anatole”

• GRACE MCLEAN DESERVED A TONY NOMINATION: PART THREE.
• Her face is absolutely devastated as she’s talking to Pierre. Like, I still have chills thinking about it.
• Also, Pierre is waking up from a nap at the beginning of this number, lol.
• “I have been… studying.” He glances quickly at the place he had been napping.
• The sheer power in Oak’s voice really comes out in these next songs. Anger and fear simmers behind the way he sings. A+++
• At the beginning of “Find Anatole”, he truly sounds out of breath. His body is fully bent over for a couple of seconds.
• “He can’t be married!” The absolute horror in Denée’s voice nearly slaughters you, tbh.
• When Pierre discovers Anatole and Hélène and gets mad, they start to run away.
• Pierre is livid when he finds Anatole and Hélène. I mean, livid.

“Pierre and Anatole” / “Natasha Very Ill”

• Pierre nearly throttling Anatole is a sight™.
• “Amuse yourself with women like my wife!” The spotlight shines on Hélène as she stands up and bristles indignantly. What an amazing character touch.
• During that long pause before Pierre apologizes to Anatole, Natasha walks right between the two and drinks the arsenic. A few moments later, it begins taking effect, and she starts screaming. It’s a terrible, convincing sound. She runs off stage. Marya and Sonya follow her.
• “FOR PETERSBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURG!” :’)))
• There was a pause between “Pierre and Anatole” and “Natasha Very Ill” while we all wildly applauded that C#. Holy crap @ Lucas Steele!!!!!!!!!!!!
• “Natasha Very Ill” is sad. Everyone is devastated, especially Sonya and Marya.

“Pierre and Andrey”

• Ken Clark is an amazing Andrey. He has a v. human approach to the prince.
• When Pierre and Andrey are trading insults, there’s a lot of affection between them. It’s really as though the two haven’t seen each other in quite awhile.
• Andrey’s somewhat tender tone continues until he asks Pierre to confirm whether the rumors he had heard were true, and when Pierre replies in the affirmative, that is the very moment when Andrey assumes his colder exterior.
• It frickin’ breaks your heart.
• #PoorAndrey
• “If you wish to be my friend, never speak of that again.” During “If you wish to be my friend,” Andrey’s voice breaks seemingly on the edge of tears, and then it hardens at the end as he jabs a finger in Pierre’s chest. The moment he does so, though, he immediately looks horrified. Did I really just threaten my friend?
• “Well, goodbye” is soft.
• #PoorAndrey
• CRAP. I FORGOT THE WORST PART OF THIS SONG. Behind Andrey and Pierre, Natasha and Sonya are standing in a darkened corner. Whenever Andrey refers to Natasha, she flinches and buries herself into Sonya.
• :(

“Pierre and Natasha” / “The Great Comet of 1812”

• “Pierre and Natasha” broke me.
• At the beginning of the song, Natasha slowly makes her way down the staircase, entirely dependent on the railing to get down. It tears at your heart. You can’t help but remember how lovely and vibrant she had been at the beginning of the play.
• The nightgown she’s in makes her look so small, and with her braided hair, she looks just like a little girl.
• Oak emotes his lyrics so tenderly, so gently in this one. His voice is always on the verge of breaking.
• “She began to cry…” Yeah, no. She sobbed, and you sobbed with her. Her whole body was shaking. She had to hold on to the rail.
• An interesting tidbit: Hélène is sitting right behind Natasha, and she has her head in her hands like she’s reacting to the sadness of this scene, too.
• “All over…” At this point, Natasha is walking back up the staircase, and the theater is absolutely silent. You could have heard a pin drop. Oak says the written line to her back.
• I’ll never forget the way Oak delivered it, and I will never want to either.
• His voice simply broke on “if I were free”.
• Pierre turns away from her, and then she turns towards him, slowly making her way back to him.
• During her last lines, Natasha touches his cheek, and it is sincerely one of the most beautiful moments of this very beautiful play.
• “The Great Comet of 1812” was moving, too.
• The theater very much looked like a beautiful night sky. The comet prop was stunning, too.
• Pierre sat down at the end of the song and gazed reverentially up at the comet.

This play was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, and I recommend it with all of my heart and soul. Please, please support it if you can.

The “Why I love Kieran” ramble

Seriously though, I feel like I need to get this off my chest.

I see so much Kieran hate everywhere I go and I just completely don’t understand it? 

It’s true, he made a bad choice telling Gwyn about what Mark was saying and it all ended awfully. But can we look at this situation from Kieran’s point of view?

Kieran was alone. Until he met Mark. Mark was the first one for him. Kieran thought that Mark loved him the same way he loved Mark. He was sure that Mark would come back to him, because why not? For Kieran a family means nothing else than pain, rejection and loneliness. He does not understand the feelings Mark has for his family. He does not understand humans and their relations, guess why, BECAUSE HE’S NOT HUMAN. He never lived in a normal family like Mark did, he never had anyone other than Mark showing him feelings of affection.

How would you feel if you saw the only person that ever loved you moving away from you in a way that you have no power over?

Kieran trusted Mark, he trusted him because he loved him, he trusted him because he thought Mark was telling him the truth always, and that his feelings were truth too.

But when he saw him with Cristina he grew anxious. Because he knew that Mark can lie, he is not a faerie. And Kieran has no idea how to deal with lies because he never lived in a world where other are lying.

Kieran was the one that let Mark be who he really felt he is. He was the one who let Mark say and believe that he’s a Shadowhunter. He’s the one who made Mark remember who he is, the whole time he spent with the Wild Hunt.

Kieran gave Mark his heart, the only thing he had, and this fuc… and Mark just threw it away the moment he didn’t need Kieran anymore.

Because that’s basically what he did, used Kieran when he felt alone, and when Kieran was the only one who cared about him, and abandoned him the moment he could go back to his family, his normal life.

And you can think that’s normal, you would do the same thing, but not Kieran

He lost everything he had, the only person who gave him love just abandoned him. He was abandoned AGAIN. And he didn’t want that to happen. So he did what he did.

But that’s not the end. He understood. He understood fully well that he did a bad thing. And he tried to make things better, he tried to help Mark and his family, because he knew already how much family meant for Mark. 

Do you guys even realize, that it’s 99% official, that Kieran killed Iarlath. He killed another Faerie, because this Faerie hurt Mark, his one and only love, hurt him and his family. And Kieran could not forgive that. So he killed him knowing the consequences. 

And the most heartbreaking thing for me was the moment, when Mark told him he’s staying with his family. And Kieran just left. He left to be killed. And he knew that.

But he left, because he didn’t want to bother Mark who didn’t love him.

He left because there was no life for him without Mark.

And I just can’t stand it when I see people hating on Kieran, because he was not in the wrong.

He was just a Faerie boy, who was used and thrown away when he wanted to find happiness.

And that just breaks my heart.

anonymous asked:

The fact that when Dan all those years ago tried to talk about how he was so anxious going to the BBC festival thing alone that he cried in his hotel room after everyone yelled at him for saying he was anxious when he didn’t have anxiety when in reality he did and was dealing with some shit.... makes me sad. Like I always thought he had some form of anxiety and depression because I see a lot of my behavior in him but having it confirmed just makes me ughhh @those people

Dan talking about crying in his hotel room after that festival will continue to be one of the most heartbreaking things he’s ever admitted to doing. 

And one day you just take a step back and realise that this person, the person that you’ve allowed to hurt you so many times and you’ve given so many chances to, isn’t really anything special. In my case he was just a boy who could never appreciate me, who could never actually give me what I wanted, what I needed, what I deserved. He only wanted me when he couldn’t have me and I was so blinded by my feelings for him and so desperately wanted things to work out between us that I ignored how badly he treated me. His actions would never match his words but I overlooked it because I hoped one day they would eventually line up but of course they never did. I finally accepted that I was wasting my time on someone who didn’t care enough to be who I needed them to be. Anymore time I spent on him was just preventing me from finding someone who will care enough, who will care so much that I will always wonder why I wasted so much time on a boy who could never love me. It still hurts sometimes and I’m still getting over him but everyday I forget him a little bit more and I think that is the saddest yet most encouraging thing that could possibly come out of this.
—  how silly of me to think that I could change him when he can only change for himself.

I got into the Hanahaki Disease today and so I’ve been thinking about it.  I’m new to it so sorry if this is just an already known fact or a widely popular idea already but what if the types of flowers you coughed up depended on the type of love it was?  Like if it was just a crush or you were truely in love with them.

What if people coughing up rose petals were considered the most sad and heartbreaking thing?  And offering the surgery to those who coughed up roses was considered really rude or inconsiderate?  The corpses of people with roses coming out of their mouth were considered very beautiful, and very depressing.

Just, flower meanings.

Daffodils are the flower of unrequited love.  Maybe all people cough them up, or people who are very sure that the love won’t be reciprocated.

Azaleas mean ‘Take care of yourself for me’.  What if you coughed up an Azalea right before you died?  And if people knew who you loved, they would give them the Azalea.  And if not, the Azalea was kept in a special container at your funeral, in case that person wanted to come claim it.  If the person was buried and it wasn’t claimed, it was considered unfinished business on their behalf and would upset their remaining family and friends.  There would be arguments over whether it was more proper to bury them with it or for someone to hold onto it, just in case.  It becomes a thing in everyone’s will or their final wishes, like how people write what they want to happen to their body.

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gif request meme | most heartbreaking scene + psycho pass requested by @psychohelmet

“Tsunemori Akane, there is no doubt that your way of living is correct. Don’t lose sight of that just because I betrayed you. I chose a different path solely in order to have my own way. I’m aware that this is the wrong thing to do. But I know that I can only come to terms with my old self by taking the wrong path. I won’t ask you to forgive me. The next time we meet, you’ll be in a position to judge me. When that time comes, please fulfill your duty with no mercy. Don’t turn your back on your beliefs. Although it was only for a short time, I feel fortunate that I was able to work under you. Thank you.

anonymous asked:

The little smile Lexa gives right before she says "I hope so" to Clarke is the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen. She's trying so hard to remain strong. Of course once Clarke kisses her it becomes too much and the surprise, disbelief and bittersweet happiness just overwhelm her. It's so so sad I can't. I think she can't believe the woman she loves finally kissed her

DON’T DO THIS TO ME! I KNOW!

(x) It’s heartbreaking, truly heartbreaking. And that little nod too… what kills me is that she knows that that “maybe someday” Clarke is talking about will never come for her. She will always belong to her people. But still, she puts on a brave face and smiles because she’s not about to make Clarke feel even worse. That smile to me is a combination of acknowledging Clarke’s hope, of not taking it away with the reality of her situation, and a natural reaction to what Clarke is doing, which is trying to give hope to both. How long has it been since the last time someone tried to comfort Lexa? How long since someone saw her being sad and tried to say or do something that would hopefully lessen her sorrow?

But then there’s the moment right after the smile, which is even more heartbreaking to me.

Because she can’t keep that brave face on. Her smile falters and disappears and all that’s left is this profound sadness that she simply cannot hide. Her eyes are red and glassy with unshed tears. Lexa is sadly used to pushing down her feelings, but this time they’re so strong that she’s not able to. She’s not even able to agree with Clarke, to pretend that everything will turn out for the best for them, for her. She doesn’t say “You’re right, that day will come.” All she can whisper, ironically (sadly) enough almost without hope, is

STARCO LIVES!!!! NOW MORE THAN EVER!!!

Okay you may be wondering why I think starco is more likely happen more than ever. For instance in the first part of episode 11. there were so many stark references. For instance

To me this symbolizes how her heart is in two different places at the same time. One is with Tom and the other is With Marco. Then soon after 

This is the third time we have seen captain blanches sugar seeds. Let’s not forget how captains seem to only appear when it comes to Starco, as in captain of a ship. This episode shows more than one captain though. Because I believe this symbolizes that both of their hearts are in the same place, Star is just scared to get hurt. The reason I think this, is because this is the first time we have seen both captains in the same episode. And they both winked. look

and then a few shot milliseconds later,

I think the delay is intentional, because Star is now the one delaying the ship because of her lingering feelings for Tom. Also This refers to Eclipsa shipping starco. 

Also notice how Marco and Star look like a couple that is meeting the parents for the first time. Marco, trying not to mess up. Bonus

I just thought this was really cute.

Another starco thing that might not beset first hand, is theft that they are very honest with each other and do not keep secrets. Whereas, star specifically asks Marco not to tell Tom. And says

no problem. Like he does not want to eat with it. Also honesty is brought up a gain later in the end of the episode a Star says she does not have the dreaming portals under control. and then he also disobeys her and stay anyway,

He is genuinely worried about his future wife. And he an Glossaryk become buddies. It’s as if he approves of Marco. 

Now onto Lava Lake Beach 

This is the scene where Marco sees that Tom is wearing his hoodie. This is not just some scene to brush off. There is more to it than just it looking like Marco is being replaced. It is also a scene that actually represents the strength of Starco and how it is inevitable. That is because this is not Marco being replaced by Tom. It is actually star trying to replace Marco ad his place in her heat. The hoodie itself represents a lot of things. or instance it is torn. This is not just a fashion choice, it is also representative of how Marco feels seeing him wear his clothes that star so willingly gave to him. It is also how star feels because she is trying to fill the hole in her heart that is Marco and thinks that Tom can do it. But the fact that its torn also shows that it isn’t really doing the trick. Therefore, Tom is a rebound for Star. But her love for Marco is too strong. Also remember, when Pomny head mentioned how the memory of Marco’s scent was in her heart. This is most likely subconscious, but Star is trying to keep Marco close to her by Tom wearing Maco’s hoodie. To her it is probably like having Marco there, but not really. This scene was necessary for Marco to help him realize that the does in fact have feelings for Star. But, Tad forces hi to confront his feelings. 

Tad is the entire fandom. He is like “dude it’s so obvious to everyone but yourself.” and Marco is like

No?!? The fact that he says no is not him rejecting his feelings for Star. It is actually 

him saying “No! How could I not see this?” He is saying “No! my best friend” “No, I can’t be in love with my best friend, she has a boyfriend.” It him saying “No! I can’t believe this is happening!” But most importantly 

It’s him saying “No! I am in love with my best friend and…

I’m too late

this is the face of him realizing the truth. This is the face of heartbreak. 💔

This scene might seem romantic one thecae of it. But to me is just lookalike to lonely people in search for comfort and found it in eachother. Also When Kelly says “They don’t need this. They haven’t earned it.” She re grading the fact that they are still hiding things from themselves. For star it is her love for Marco that she is suppressing by using Tom as a rebound. And for Tom it is him still living in denial about Star and how she truly feels. 

This is them finding comfort in each other. It is also pretty clear to Kelly knows how he feels about Star and how star felt/still feels about him. So she and him will most likely use each other for comfort which will likely make star jealous and realize that her feelings for Marco can’t just go away. These two are both heartbroken using each other as a safe place to just be sad and true to themselves. 

This final shot is not just to sol rise or his birthday, but the rise of Marco’s feelings for Star. And that is probably theist birthday present he could ever receive. 

Wake Up, Dean

Summary: Dean is cursed and Sam thinks reader is the only one who can save him…

Square Filled: First Kiss

Pairing: Dean x reader

Word Count: 1,200ish

Rating: explicit (no smut, just language)

A/N: Written/created for @spnkinkbingo


Keep reading

In a few hours I was supposed to pick up the girl I love from the airport. I was supposed to run up to her, kiss her and love her unconditionally. I was going to show her how it felt to be treated right yet little did I know someone else was already doing those things for her. She was the type of girl that makes love songs understandable. The type of girl who gave me hope in real love again. During my deployment she would mail me and tell me she loved me and give me so much hope for when I returned home. During my deployment she was telling the other girl the same things.. during my deployment she wasn’t just loving me she was loving her too. So thank you @savaanahhk for showing me I can’t be loved. Thanks for letting me buy you a plane ticket when I barely have enough money to pay bills. Thank you for pretending to love me. But most of all.. thanks for wasting my time.

anonymous asked:

Hello, my friend! I had a really weird day that was full of unnecessary levels of stupid, so if you could possibly do #15 with Analogical then that would make me very happy. Thank you!!

15. a gentle “i love you” whispered after a soft kiss, followed immediately by a stronger kiss

Pairings: Analogical (romantic) 

CW: Slight angst (happy ending though)

Logan worries sometimes. He tries not to, but he can’t quite help it. And the thing about Virgil is, he’s very, very attuned to worry. 

“Tell me,” Virgil says one evening. 

He’s sitting on Logan’s bed watching Logan work at his desk, putting the finishing touches on a proposed schedule for the upcoming busy holiday season. 

“Hmm?” Logan’s mind is wrapped up in dates and family members and events and video posting schedules, so at first, he doesn’t really register the question. 

“What you’re worrying about,” Virgil says. “Tell me.” 

That captures Logan’s attention. He looks up from his work with a frown and sees Virgil gazing at him, head cocked at an angle and eyes shrewd and searching. 

Logan frowns. “I don’t know what you–”

“You do.” Virgil waves a hand. “You’ve been worried for a few days now. I’ve felt it.” He smirks. “I’m anxiety, remember? I notice these things.” 

Logan briefly considers telling him he’s wrong. He thinks about asking why he is bringing it up now, of all times, when Logan is so wholly focused somewhere else. But he knows Virgil will detect the deflection, and besides, he’s right. Logan is worried. And Virgil probably knew that asking him now, when Logan’s busy working and his guard is down, is the best way to get him to talk. 

He can’t decide if he’s proud or annoyed that Virgil knows him well enough to know that. 

He sighs, and shuts the planner he’s been writing in, turning his desk chair to face the bed. Virgil’s sitting criss-cross, and he won’t quite meet Logan’s eyes now, and Logan knows that look well enough: Virgil is afraid too. He’s worried about whatever has Logan worried, because in Virgil’s experience, someone being worried about something is usually bad news for him. 

All Logan can do is try to explain himself quickly. He doesn’t want Virgil to be afraid. 

“I’m…confused,” he says at last.

“Confused?” 

“Yes,” Logan says. At Virgil’s prompting stare, Logan adds, “About us.” 

If he thought the words would comfort the other side, he realizes quickly he was wrong. Virgil’s shoulders draw up a little, his eyes dropping again, and Logan recognizes the defensive gesture right away. Virgil is bracing himself for something bad.

“Okay,” the anxious side says quietly, picking at a loose thread on one of the many rips in his jeans. “So…what about us has you confused?” His voice is carefully casual. 

Logan frowns. He doesn’t know why his own bemusement should be causing Virgil such disquiet. He continues, hoping to shed light on the subject for both of them. 

“I’m confused about why we’re together,” he says. “Given the options at hand, I mean. Patton or Roman seem like they would be the more obvious choice, all things considered.” 

Virgil doesn’t reply. He simply stares at his hands, which are now clasped, white-knuckle tight, in his lap. 

“Patton is the heart,” Logan fumbles on, trying to make himself understood. “So he’d be a natural at this kind of thing. And Roman is the romantic, and dashing, and handsome, even if he is on the annoying side sometimes. Surely one of them would be a better option for a romantic liaison, wouldn’t they?” 

There. It’s out now. He’s said it, and if Virgil decides he’s right…well…Logan wants him to be happy, no matter what that means for Logan himself. He bites his lip, waiting, afraid to breathe as Virgil seems to consider his words, staring at his hands where they are clasped in his lap. 

Finally, after an agonizing eternity, Virgil nods slowly. “You’re right,” he says quietly, and Logan feels something inside his heart shatter, and oh. Oh dear, this is heartbreak, he’s sure of it. It…hurts. He never realized how much it could hurt. 

Logan wants to look away but he can’t. Virgil’s eyes are fixed on his lap and his shoulders are still hunched. He looks upset. Perhaps he is upset that he didn’t realize sooner he had more…suitable options for a romantic partner. Logan can understand that, much as it pains him. 

“Well…” Logan says softly, unsure of what should happen next. “We are in agreement, I suppose.” 

Virgil barks a short laugh, but there is absolutely no humor in it. The anxious side nods, and unfolds himself from the bed, climbing to his feet. “Looks that way,” he mumbles, shoving his hands into his pockets. “M’glad you figured it out, I guess. Thanks for…” he pauses, swallows, and shrugs. “Thanks for being honest with me. I’ll, uh…I’ll just…” he rubs the back of his neck and gestures at the door. 

Logan frowns. Virgil doesn’t seem happy to know about his improved prospects. Shouldn’t he be? “Virgil? Are you…all right?” 

Virgil makes that awful little bark of laughter again and shrugs. “Sure, yeah, great,” he says dully. “It’s always awesome to hear why you’re the last resort.” He smirks, but there’s less humor in the expression than there was in the laugh. “I hope you’ll be very happy with whichever one of them you chose.” 

Logan is so stunned that Virgil actually has his hand on the doorknob before he finally jolts himself into action. “Wait!” he cries, launching himself to his feet and stumbling forward (his legs are wobbly, whether from the long hours of sitting or the residual emotion, he doesn’t know). He grips Virgil’s shoulder and forcibly pulls him back. 

Virgil resists, but not very hard. Still, when Logan has him turned to face him, Virgil refuses to meet his eyes, and keeps his face resolutely turned to the side. Logan’s heart breaks again when he sees the way Virgil’s face is trying to crumple, his lip and chin trembling and his eyes shining with hurt. 

“Virgil,” Logan croaks, reaching up and cupping Virgil’s cheek, easing Virgil’s face toward his own. Virgil lets him but he still won’t meet his eyes. 

“Virgil,” Logan says again, voice stronger now. “I am so sorry. I–I fear I have been unclear.” 

Virgil sighs and shakes his head. “No, you were perfectly clear,” he says, and there’s still that awful dullness in his voice. “And I get it. I do. I…I’m not mad, or…or anything. Really.” He looks up but can’t lift his eyes any higher than Logan’s mouth. He tries a smile; it’s wobbly and frail, and the most heartbreaking thing Logan has ever seen.  

“Virgil, no, you don’t get it,” Logan insists. “I didn’t mean the others were a more obvious choice for me. I meant the others seemed a more obvious choice for you.” 

That gets Virgil’s attention. He snaps his eyes up to meet Logan’s, brows furrowed. “Wh–what?” 

Logan shrugs. Time to lay it on the line. He can’t turn back now. “I’ve just…I’ve never quite understood why you chose me,” he says. “I’m not very good at this kind of thing. Being in a relationship like ours, I mean. I don’t have any instincts for affection or affinity for romance, and I’m utterly hopeless when it comes to dating. With two clearly superior options at your disposal, I just don’t understand why you’d ever pick–”

Virgil cuts him off abruptly, pressing his lips to Logan’s in a soft kiss that has Logan slumping with relief, because everything he needs to know is in that kiss. It’s reassurance and gentle chastisement and declarations of love all in once loving, incredibly soft caress of lips, and all Logan can do is hold on as Virgil speaks to him without words, in a language Logan never realized he knew. He wraps his arms around Virgil’s shoulders and just hangs on, a little surprised (but not really) to feel tears trickling down his cheeks. 

Virgil finally draws back and wipes the tears away, looking not at all surprised to see them on Logan’s cheeks. “I love you,” he whispers gently, and if it were possible for a voice to reach out and cradle a heart, Virgil’s voice, and his words, cradle Logan’s right now. The thought is illogical, but he clings to it nonetheless as Virgil surges up and kisses him harder. When he draws away the second time, he grins and adds, “You idiot.” 

Logan laughs at that in spite of the tears that are still sliding down his face. “Thank goodness,” he whispers. “Because I love you, too, Virgil.”

Virgil smirks at him, and if his lips are still trembling or his eyes are a fraction too bright, Logan doesn’t mention it. 

“I know,” Virgil says. 

*

Finn rant

Okay, here goes. I wanted to take the time to summarize everything that I hate about the Star Wars fandom and it’s treatment of Finn. This is all stuff that has annoyed and in some cases offended me that I’ve had to look at for well over  a year since joining this fandom. This is also everything that I’ve felt like I had to keep my mouth shut about because it seems like most people in the Star Wars fandom have no problem whatsoever with.

If you disagree with me, that’s great, and feel free to message me why. If you feel offended, then unfollow me, because that’s what I’ve been trying to do for over a year.

SEXIST ONE-SHOT?

So the other day, a dear friend of mine told me that the finnreyfridays one-shot we were working on was sexist. Like actually sexist. Do you know why they told me it was sexist? Allow me to answer the question for you.



They told me it was sexist because the plot included Finn saving Rey. That’s why. I didn’t turn Rey into a helpless damsel-in-distress, I didn’t write Rey as a slutty scavenger who flirts with every guy she sees.


I wrote Rey as a skilled Jedi who was ambushed by Kylo Ren and the Knights of Ren on a mission, and simply needed help. That’s it. It’s not an unrealistic situation at all, and Rey still got the upper hand on Kylo Ren. She was in danger and outnumbered, and Finn showed up and helped her.



And it’s became very clear to me that it offended my friend for one reason. That reason was that by simply because my having Finn rescue Rey, I apparently shattered Rey’s character and turned her into a helpless damsel-in-distress….


A few weeks ago there was photoset made by @shropshiregirl79 for finnreyfridays. It was a daily planet au with Finn as superman and Rey as Lois Lane. One of the pictures showed Rey in danger and Finn rescuing her, carrying her in his arms. Someone got mad about that and said they made Rey into a damsel-in-distress. 

Another situation arose where someone posted artwork of Finn and Rey as an old-style movie, with Finn a detective pointing a gun at someone while Rey clung to him. Once again, someone got mad and said it turned Rey into a damsel-in-distress. 

It’s become so taboo in this fandom just to have Finn saving, or even protecting Rey without people (probably white feminists) getting mad at it. Why is that? Is Finn’s only role only to be put in peril for Rey to rescue?

And if you’re one of the people who gets mad about that, let me ask you a question.
Would you be mad if it was Finn?



TROOPER IN DISTRESS

Here’s the deal. I joined the fandom well over a year ago. I can safely say I’ve read about

thirty to forty fics

where at some point,

Finn is inevitably captured or put in peril, and rescued by Rey or Poe.

I’ve seen

finnrey shippers

who supposedly love and appreciate Finn, joke around and call

Finn a damsel-in-distress (or trooper-in-distress)

and talk about how Rey does nothing but save him over and over, and everyone laughs and jokes about it.



I’ve read fics where on the off-chance that Finn does risk his life to save Rey, he gets criticized for it because he was being

RECKLESS and Rey HAD IT UNDER CONTROL. Seriously? Finn can’t even save Rey without it involving him being stupid or catching hell or it? 

It’s always, “Finn why did you do that?! You could’ve died!” instead of “Wow Finn thank you for saving me, I’m glad you’re okay. That was pretty brave.”

But nope. Can’t even have that. 

I’ve read fics where Finn is flat out tied up and gagged.

I’ve read a fics where Finn is captured, beaten, stripped down and hosed and left in a cell shivering in the corner helpless, wishing that Rey or Poe was there to save him (but it’s okay because ta-da they come to his rescue).

I’ve read a fic where the entire thing was just worshiping Rey. Literally. It’s Poe’s pov during a battle, and Finn is basically getting beat up and dragged away by stormtroopers, by the way that’s his entire role in the fic, just to get his ass kicked. He doesn’t do anything else.
So Finn’s getting beat up, and the rest of the fic is Poe being completely ENAMORED left in AWE by Rey’s amazing flawless skills fighting through the stormtroopers and kicking ass left and right and looking SOOO beautiful and graceful with her lightsaber and she rescues Finn and Poe thanks her and thanks her over and over again. 

That’s the entire fic. Kissing Rey’s ass and kicking Finn’s. And guess what? The readers ate that shit up. They loved it. 

So let me sum it up again. Finn can get beat up by stormtroopers, captured thousands of times, stripped, tortured, hosed down, and left shivering in a corner basically crying for Poe and Rey like bait, and people say that they appreciate Finn’s character for this? This is okay to everyone?

Yet if I write a one shot where Rey is outnumbered, defeats Kylo Ren but is then outnumbered and Finn comes to save her, then I’m destroying Rey’s character? Then I don’t appreciate her character? Then the entire one-shot is sexist garbage based on turning Rey into a damsel in distress?


Apparently so. Thanks fandom. 

Again, I’ve been putting up with this for over a year, and it took a lot of time for me to actually muster up the courage to rant about it. If this offends you, you’re probably apart of the problem.



Finnamon Roll?


Okay, another major trend I’m sick of is the constant EMASCULATION OF FINN. 
Let me sum up Finn’s character.  He suffers from trauma. He was taken away as a baby and raised to be a ruthless killing machine. He endured 20+ years of brainwashing, propaganda, and conditioning. He had no friends whatsoever (SLIP WAS NOT HIS FRIEND). He was the best stormtrooper cadet in his unit. He almost never missed a shot with a blaster. He was an outcast, and constantly criticized for having a heart.

In TFA, he suffers from trauma, is still an expert shot with a blaster, rescues Poe, keeps Rey from getting shot by stormtroopers, makes a tough decision to leave Rey because he knows what the First Order is capable of, and even begs her to come with him. He comes right back into the fight after seeing Hosnian Prime get destroyed, and is witnesses Rey get kidnapped by his worst nightmare. 
What does he do? He decides to help the Resistance, gives them vital information that only HE knew, volunteers to go to SKB. Captures Phasma and forces her at gunpoint to lower the shields, helps Rey escape from SKB, witnesses Han’s murder, watches Rey get slammed into a tree, before making the final decision to stand up to his worst nightmare, knowing he might die just to protect Rey. His last line in the entire movie is “Come get it.”


After summarizing his character, how come all I see on tumblr is “awwwwww look at my cute smol wittle Finny. He’s so harmless and adorable!!!” Like…excuse me? Is that all tumblr was able to get from that movie? So let me get this straight. Because Finn isn’t a cold-blooded murderer, he’s suddenly nothing but a squishy pile of hearts and flowers and sugar  who couldn’t hurt a fly? Really?

How come in most highschool aus, Finn’s portrayed as an overly-meek or powerless nerd? If anything, Finn would probably be a pretty strong guy who gets straight As and stands up for his friends no matter what. But that doesn’t mean he’s a bully either. 

This is what the fandom does with his character, instead of exploring the endless possibilities with his backstory and trauma. AND on the off-chance that someone writes an actual Finn-centric fic based on his backstory, it’s always just Finn and his stormtrooper buddies having a romance or exploring sex for some reason. We can’t even have a Finn story without it circulating around people he knows. It’s always about someone else at the end of the day.

What’s heartbreaking is that most of the things I’m complaining about happens in the stormpilot and finnrey ships (this is where I expect people to unfollow me). Like come on guys. I could see r/eylos doing this, but not you guys. You’re so much better than that. 


Space Prince Finn (More Emasculation)


Look, when I first heard the idea of Finn being a lost Prince, I was stoked. I was blown away. My reaction was,”Finally! This fandom’s actually given Finn something of his own! He could be royalty! How dope would that be!”

But…of course, this fandom has to take that amazing concept and uh…

Well, we ruined that too. We basically turn Finn into a jewelry stand, and a makeup model. Of course, I’m not saying men can’t wear what they want. If a man wants to wear makeup or wear jewelry, that’s completely fine and I encourage that. But here’s the issue. 

We constantly idolize Princess Leia and Queen/Senator Amidala because they are figures of royalty who can fight and take care of themselves, as well as look badass while they do it. 

So why is it that when we have Prince Finn, he’s once again, emasculated, put in dresses and given nail polish, lipstick, doused in glitter, and turned into a damsel-in-distress who not only needs constant rescue once again, but this time needs Rey/Poe as a bodyguard to protect him?

It’s a double standard. I’m sorry but you can’t praise Leia and Padme for being badass royals who don’t need protection, and turn around and make Finn the opposite. 

And again, it’s something that the fandom eats up for some reason. We’ll shun the Hutt-Slayer bikini (rightfully so. it’s disgusting), make it a point to make fun of the hutt-slayer bikini and constantly criticize it, yet draw Finn in it and everyone thinks it’s cute and hilarious. This is the shit that I’m sick of. 

Look at T’Challa, otherwise known as Black Panther. He is royalty, but he’s also very powerful, knows how to fight, is an amazing fighter, and is taken seriously. Very seriously. He is strong, brave, serious, and intimidating, yet he’s not a bully or a stereotype. 

THIS. THIS is what I expected Prince Finn to be. This is what Prince Finn would be if it were canon. He’d be a strong leader, handsome, noble, powerful, and intimidating. And he wouldn’t need constant protection from Rey and/or Poe. Especially not this constant emasculation and woobifying. 

We live in a day and age where Princesses are being portrayed as stronger and stronger, and are told that they can rescue themselves. So why is Finn being treated the opposite? Why is Finn being treated like he’s just there to look pretty for commissions and make out with Poe? Why does he need all-powerful Rey to always protect him? Why can’t he be taken more seriously?

I want you to think about this.



Deactivating

Okay. This was a lot to cover, and it’s something that’s been nagging at me for a while now. Look. I look up to Finn. I really do. He’s my hero. He’s the first main black lead in Star Wars, and that means the world to me. I want to see him grow and be appreciate and given an epic role moving forward, and I feel like the Star Wars fandom isn’t the place I’m going to find any of that. 



Not a day goes by where I’m not tempted to deactivate and walk away from the fandom entirely. There’s just too much shit Finn is put through that drives me insane. There’s too many things that I look at or read that make me feel like this fandom will never actually appreciate Finn the way the he deserves to be appreciated. Even the people who say that they love Finn tend to do this.



So I wanted to write this rant in case I ever deactivate because of this fandom. Just so you, the readers, can know why.


Thanks for reading. Means a lot. If you’re still wondering when the One-Shot is coming out, probably next week. I have to finish it on my own. 



~Storm



@luminousfinn

@force-2187

@finn-storm-jedi

@lj-writes

@finn-is-a-jedi

@boyega-john

@errrbodylovesfinn 

@finnsajedi​

@diversehighfantasy

@starwarsfandomh8speopleofcolor

@imaswan

Alec seeing Magnus’ cat eyes for the first time

“No, don’t.” Alec said. He raised his hands and gently put it on Magnus’. “Don’t do that.” Carefully he led Magnus’ hands away from his eyes and, still holding them, lowered both of their arms together. “Why not?” Magnus asked, his voice trembling. Magnus held on to Alec’s hands, not daring to let go of them because he knew if he did he would hide his eyes again. But clearly Alec wanted to look at them. So he let him, but the warlock wanted to avoid Alec’s stare of potential fear so bad that he couldn’t bring himself to look anywhere else than the ground. “Because you don’t have to. Please just… just look at me.” Alec answered, putting all the gentleness and reassurance he had in this one sentence to make Magnus believe he meant it and there was nothing for him to be ashamed of. He watched Magnus and knew from the look on his face that this was the least thing the warlock wanted to do in that moment. Magnus fought with himself, he knew it, but he also needed to look at him in order for Alec to tell him all the things he wanted to tell him. Then, after a few seconds, Magnus took a deep breath and did the bravest thing he ever did in all the years he lived. He raised his head to look at Alec.

He did it. His hideous warlock mark was exposed in front of one of the few Shadowhunters he ever truly loved. All the wards he built around himself, his soul, his heart, his eyes, removed by a single look at the boy. Magnus was sure he never looked as vulnerable as he did now, standing in the middle of his living room, just looking at the boy he loved so much, his hands shaking while still holding on to Alec’s. He was also never as afraid of someone’s reaction as he was now in this very moment, because thousands of people reacted in the same, humiliating, mortifying way. And he wasn’t sure if he could take another one from someone so close to his heart he didn’t want to ever lose.

Alec’s eyes widened as he fully saw Magnus’ amazing yellow-green cat eyes for the first time. He still held Magnus’ hands and felt them shaking in his. “You’re… they’re… I… I don’t… I’m… ” Alec stammered as he kept on staring at them. His mind just blacked out at the sight of Magnus’ warlock mark that he now stood there and was out of words. He knew he needed to say something, he wanted to say something, he wanted to talk to Magnus so badly and tell him so many things at once, but now he just couldn’t think of anything to say. Even Alec’s jaw now began to drop a tiny bit.

Magnus knew it would be that way. He knew it. Why did he even hope for some other reaction from a Shadowhunter than the usual one. Alec wasn’t as different from the others as he thought in the end. If he would just start talking instead of just standing there and staring at him, obviously shocked. If he would just show his fear, his disgust like everyone else did. Magnus couldn’t take the silence any longer. He felt his eyes start to tear up, the last thing he needed right now. He hated to cry in front of people. He bit his lip and hoped it would help, but it didn’t. “Please, Alec. Say something.” Magnus nearly whispered and only barely managed to not let his voice break. “Say anything, but just please stop this silence.”

“I’m trying Magnus, I really am.” Alec answered. He took a second to clear his thoughts. “But… your eyes, they… they look so…” He stopped. He searched for the right word to say. Good, great, amazing, wonderful, stunning. None of these words seemed to fit to describe the beauty that was his boyfriend’s mark. Suddenly, a tear started to roll down Magnus’ cheek. “Ugly? Hideous? Unnatural?” Magnus ended Alec’s sentence, his voice shaky. He freed his hands out of Alec’s grip and let them hang loose at his sides. Blinking away tears he met Alec’s eyes, who was now looking at him even more shocked than before. “There’s nothing I haven’t heard yet, Alec. I believe I know what you’re thinking. So go on. Tell me how hideous I am. Tell me I’m a monster. Tell me you don’t want to have anything to do with a filthy demon spawn.” Magnus balled his hands into fists, desperately trying to prevent himself from crying even more. But nothing worked. “Do you think I haven’t seen that exact reaction hundreds of times before? Do you think I don’t know people are acting nice but are actually scared of me? I might act like I don’t care but do you know what? It hurts. It hurts somewhere deep inside me and it already hurt more times than I could count.” Tears were now streaming down his face, he didn’t look at Alec anymore, avoided eye contact because he felt so ashamed of himself once again, and this time it was even worse because it was his dear Alexander. As he spoke the next sentence, his voice finally started cracking. “I thought you were different. Different from all your Shadowhunter friends who think they’re oh so better than everyone else. Who don’t have a problem with calling me “Warlock” as if it were the filthiest curse word, who don’t even really look at me once they’ve seen my mark, who don’t consider for one second that I might as well have something like feelings. You’re all just the same.”

Alec went utterly silent, honestly shocked of what Magnus just said. He wanted to hold him, kiss him and tell him he wasn’t like that. He wanted to heal the broken part of Magnus’ soul, wanted him to forget all the words people insulted him with, all the heartbreaks. He wanted to tell him his eyes were the most beautiful thing he ever saw. That was the word he was searching for before. Beautiful. Alec reached out his hands to take Magnus’ again and tell him all of that, but just as he was about to move closer to him and start talking, Magnus flinched away from his touch. “That’s… that’s not true, Magnus. Believe me.” Alec began, his hand still stretched out a few inches in front of Magnus’.

“You know it’s true. And it’s horrible. Every single time it’s horrible.” Magnus answered in a chocked voice. “Ever since I was a kid and my mother killed herself after she saw them the first time, I hated showing them to anyone.” He pointed at his eyes. “Even my own mother thought I’m a monster. And there were many after her that thought and still think the same. Now even the boy I thought I could trust.” He hated it, but right in the moment he looked at Alec as he said the last sentence, everything came crushing down on him. All the insults, the hurt he always tried to conceal with witty remarks and so many more buried pain he had to bare because he was what he was and he had what he had.

“Don’t you dare say that, Magnus!” Alec couldn’t take it any longer and grabbed his boyfriend’s shoulders. “You’re wrong.” There followed a silence where just Magnus’ sniffling was audible. Alec reached up to Magnus’ face to carefully wipe a tear away that slowly made its way down his right cheek, where Alec let his hand rest. Magnus closed his eyes and lowered his head. “I don’t think your cat eyes are hideous Magnus. They’re part of who you are. And people who won’t accept that are stupid. Don’t you dare think I would be disgusted or afraid or anything of you. Don’t you dare ever think that!” “You… you really mean that?” Magnus asked after he processed what Alec just said, his eyes still closed. “Yes I do.” Magnus’ mouth formed itself into a little relieved smile, he again could feel tears coming up. But now they were happy tears. His boyfriend did actually accept who he was, he couldn’t believe it.

Magnus was so incredibly happy, he put his hand over Alec’s on his cheek and let himself draw closer to Alec. He felt Alec putting his other hand under his chin. “Open your eyes my dear.” he said and raised Magnus’ chin up so that he was looking at Alec when he opened his eyes a few moments later. “You actually mean that, Alexander?” Magnus asked quietly, only to convince himself even more. “Yes.” “You really do?” “Magnus I assure you, I swear by the Angel, I mean it.” Magnus was still red- and wet eyed, but he grinned. A vow to the Angel. From a Shadowhunter. That was something. But just to be really sure, he narrowed his eyes and asked again. “By what angel?”

“Dear god, Magnus.” Alec now grinned too. He put his other hand on Magnus’ left cheek, so that the warlock’s face was cupped and looked him deep in the eyes. “I swear, on the Angel Raziel, that I, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, accept you, Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, as you are. You have cat eyes and that’s okay. You don’t ever have to be ashamed, and you better don’t ever think that I hate them again, because I don’t. Is that good enough of an oath to you?” Magnus looked very serious during Alec’s vow, but began to smile again now and that was all Alec needed to know it was good enough.

“It was. It really was Alexander. And I swear I will never let myself believe again that you wouldn’t accept who I am.” He put his hands on Alec’s hip, and because Alec still cupped his face, he didn’t have any other choice but to look at Alec and smile at him. He felt Alec moving closer to him, but before he could bend down to kiss him, Magnus had to get another thing off his chest. A few weeks ago, he had told Alec that he unlocked something in Magnus but he wasn’t aware that the Shadowhunter boy he didn’t even know that long, managed to unlock parts of Magnus’ soul he didn’t show anyone but himself before. “Alexander… you should know though, that until this day, I try really hard to accept my mark. Some days I don’t have a problem with showing them, at least when I’m not around mundanes. But there are some days where I just hate them. Especially after someone once again showed me what he thinks of them. Be it through looks or through insults. On those days I hate them so incredibly much because all they ever did was bring me pain. That’s why I mostly glamour them, why I didn’t show them to you from the beginning. That’s why I didn’t want you to see them, because I was sure the minute you’d see them you would end all of this. As so many before you did. But you didn’t and I’m forever incredibly grateful for that. But Alexander, the truth is that I doubt I’ll ever fully accept my mark. You know, my cat eyes, they are…” “… beautiful.” Alec quietly ended the sentence.

Alec ended Magnus’ sentence with the one word he thought would ever be remotely accurate to  describe the yellow-green colouring of the irises and the perfectly slit-shaped pupils of his boyfriend’s eyes. A moment later, the most amazing eyes he ever saw widened and the pupils thickened a tiny bit. “They’re… they’re what?” Magnus asked surprised. Did he just not get that right or did Alec just say his eyes were… beautiful? His mark has been called many things, many many things, but never beautiful. Interesting, fascinating, captivating, those were some of the best things they’ve been called by people who actually liked Magnus. But beautiful was utterly new. And unexpected. Very very unexpected. Magnus stared at Alec with disbelief in his wide open eyes.

“You don’t believe me, do you?” Alec asked gently, stroked the warlock’s left cheek with his thumb and watched Magnus slowly shake his head afterwards. “No one ever called them that Alexander. No one. Not once. I didn’t think anyone would ever do. I don’t even believe it myself, how should anyone else ever think that?” he said sadly, his grip on Alec’s hips getting tighter to remind himself he’s actually there and actually just said that. He watched as Alec moved his head closer to his and felt his hands moving down to Magnus’ shoulder again. And there it was. The smile he loved so incredibly much. The gentle tiny, light-up-the-world Alec-smile. “Oh Magnus.” Alec whispered, if to himself or to Magnus, he didn’t know.  

There was now barely any space left beween them and the remaining space got filled with Alec gently resting his forehead against Magnus’. Alec holding Magnus by the shoulders and Magnus holding Alec by the hips, their foreheads touching they stood there for a few moments, just looking at each other, until Alec cleared his throat and whispered “They’re so so beautiful, they’re… you’re so beautiful.” Alec brought his head even closer to Magnus’ than it already was and had his lips now nearly touching Magnus’. They both let their lips hovering over each others for a few hearbeats. “My god, you’re so beautiful.” Alec whispered against Magnus’ lips and finally, finally kissed him.

They kissed once before, at Alec’s almost-wedding with Lydia. But that kiss was totally utterly different to the one they shared now. The wedding kiss was fierce, intense and full of desire from both of them. The kiss now was slow, gentle, intense in a whole other meaning. Alec was so incredibly tender, he wanted Magnus to know how ridiculously in love he was with him, wanted him to believe everything he just said through that kiss. They both could feel each others heart beat, Alec realizing that right now, in that moment, both their hearts beat as one. It felt like they shared one heart together, which Alec was sure, was actually the case from now on. Magnus felt it too and was taken aback in the best way he could imagine, that after all those years, he finally found true love again. And not only true love. He found someone who would fight with him against any evil in this world and he couldn’t describe to anyone how happy and grateful he was for that.

They both weren’t sure how much time had passed during the kiss, but they were both still standing, Alec now cupping Magnus’ face again and both of them not wanting to move their head away from the other. Alec started to whisper against Magnus’ lips again. “You’re so beautiful Magnus.” “You already said that.” Magnus whispered back and smiled, he now cupped Alec’s face too. “I know but… it seemed worth repeating. And I will repeat it over and over again until you believe it. And even then I will tell you again and again.” “You’re so sure I will eventually believe it?” Magnus asked. He honestly wanted to know if someone could actually do that. “I will help you to.” Alec answered and brushed his lips against Magnus’. “You know why?” “Why?” “Because…” Alec placed a kiss on the edge of Magnus’ mouth. “… you should know you’re beautiful…” Another kiss on Magnus’ left cheekbone. “… just the way you are.” A third one on the edge of his mouth again. Alec closed his eyes. “Magnus Bane, you are the most beautiful human being there ever was and ever will be. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The people who don’t appreciate you don’t deserve to even be in your presence. They don’t deserve you, because you are so kind, so loving, and so incredibly optimistic even after living so long. They don’t deserve you, because you deserve the universe. You don’t know it, but I do.”

“My dear Alexander, how do I deserve you?” Magnus asked in a husky voice, being very moved from Alec’s little speech. “I just told you. You needed someone to tell you the truth.” Magnus let out a sigh and pulled Alec into a tight hug, because right now he didn’t have any other idea what to do. “I know and I thank you a thousand times for that. But I have to note one thing. You said ‘human being’…” “Yes, and?” “You know I’m a warlock. I’m not a human being.” “Technically, yes. But not to me. To me you are exactly what I said.” Alec answered and buried his face in Magnus’ neck. “I wish I knew how to find the words to describe to you what this all means to me. Until I find them, thank you. Just thank you, Alexander.” He began to stroke Alec’s hair and felt the boy smile against his shoulder. “And I promise you, no glamouring of my cat eyes anymore when we’re together. Because a certain someone told me I don’t have to change myself. And I won’t.” he added and began to smile himself. As an answer, Alec squeezed him a little tighter for a second.

So they stood there for a few minutes, until Alec started asking questions like “What happens if you’re pissed? Do your pupils then get three times their normal size? Oh my god, can you see in the dark?” and some more. Magnus had to get himself a glass of wine. He was in the middle of pouring him a glass in as he heard Alec shout from the living room “Will you ever stop drinking?” “I don’t think so, Alexander.” he answered and grinned.

Tell Me You Love Me

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 1,853

Warnings: Swearing. Angst. I made myself cry writing this so be prepared.

Summary: After breaking up with the love of his life, and three weeks of hardly getting any sleep, Peter ends up going to the one place he knows he shouldn’t be. Your place. But then you and he have a long talk accompanied by tears and heartbreak that ends optimistically.

Requested:(I know you just got a song request, but could you do an imagine based on Tell Me You Love Me by Demi Lovato? Where Peter and the reader broke up and either the reader or Peter want them back? Or something along those lines) by: a very sweet anon

A/N: It’s done! Finally. Hope you all enjoy! I’m actually really excited to post this. Please let me know if you liked it:)


Originally posted by sddonald22

Three weeks.

Three incredibly long weeks.

That’s how long it had been since Peter had broken up with you. And he hated it. He hated to break up with you. To see the heartbreak carved into your face when he told you ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ The sobs that made your body shake as you begged him to ‘think about this’ and ‘we can work this out! Whatever I did, I’m sorry!’.

It tore him up inside to do that to you, but he felt like it was the only thing that he could do to keep you safe. And as much as it hurt to see you in pain and not be his side, he knew he did the right thing.

But he couldn’t stop thinking about being with you. About being allowed to hug you. To have your hand in his. To have dates where you marathoned Harry Potter and Star Wars. He missed you.  It felt like half his soul was gone.

But still, he stayed away.  He avoided you at all costs, and in the beginning, when you’d try to talk to him about it, he’d turn around and run in the opposite direction.  Because he knew that if he talked to you, he’d apologize and beg you to take him back.

After a couple weeks though, you stopped trying to talk to him, and he saw you smiling more and acting like your usual self. Which was good, he thought, you’re moving on.

But Peter got worse as the days went on.  He hardly slept, which made him reckless and sloppy when patrolling. He started staying out later getting maybe two hours of sleep before going to school. He was trying to distract himself from reality. And, after a week of hardly sleeping- hardly living- it finally bites him in the ass.


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Epic Movie (Re)Watch #112 - The Prince of Egypt

Originally posted by dreamworksmoments

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: DVD

1) The head of Jeffrey Katzenberg, the head of Dreamworks animation at the time and one of the former big wigs at Disney, had been pitching an adaptation of Moses’ story from Exodus to Disney far before he started Dreamworks with Steven Spielberg. During an early meeting of Dreamworks Katzenberg recalls that Spielberg looked at him during the meeting and said, “You ought to do The Ten Commandments.”

2) I think the opening disclaimer is a nice touch.

“The motion picture you are about to see is an adaptation of the Exodus story. While artistic and historical license has been taken, we believe that this film is true to the essence, values and integrity of a story that is a cornerstone of faith for millions of people worldwide. The biblical story of Moses can be found in the book of Exodus.”

3) Music plays an incredibly important role in this film, mostly for setting its grand storytelling and dark tone. This is clearly apparent from the opening song “Deliver Us” which depicts the suffering of the Hebrew people in Egypt and also the hope of Moses.

Originally posted by holden-caulfieldlings

4) This film also does an excellent job of immediately establishing the brotherly relationship between Moses and Ramses. It’s fun and honest, which makes the following events all the more heartbreaking.

Originally posted by somehow-you-will

5) Val Kilmer is quite effective in the role of Moses, being able to provide a healthy balance of his youthful joviality and privilege early on and the wisdom that would come to define the character later.

6) This film has three noteworthy actors who have very little lines. The first two of these are Patrick Stewart as Pharaoh Seti and Helen Mirren as The Queen.

Originally posted by ofallingstar

Neither of them sing, so their lines are few and unfortunately Mirren feels wasted in the part (less of a comment on her acting, which is top notch as usual, and more from the lack of screen time). Stewart, however, gives Seti some depth. We see him as father and ruler, both roles where he cares about his people, but also murderer of Hebrew babies which gives him a sinister feel.

7) Moses could have been painted as a spoiled brat while acting as prince of Egypt, but he takes responsibility for his actions and mistakes while also trying to shield Ramses from some of their father’s heavy expectations.

8) Tzipporah is established as fierce as heck from the get go.

Originally posted by spypartygifs-blog

Kept as a foreign slave in her first scene, she still fights back with great vigor despite being in a room who don’t care if she dies by the hands of the pharaoh. Michelle Pfeiffer imparts some of the strength she brought to Catwoman into the part and it’s a wonderful take on the biblical figure.

9) Sandra Bullock may have more lines than Helen Mirren, Patrick Stewart, and (later) Danny Glover, but for some reason I’m always wanting more of her and her character Miriam by the time the film ends. I like what I see, I just wish there were more of her in the film (I think).

Originally posted by holden-caulfieldlings

10) For some reason I don’t feel the way about her brother Aaron, who is voiced wonderfully by Jeff Goldblum. That may be because we see Aaron develop from non-believer to believer over the course of the film (wheres Miriam is consistently good and believing in Moses) and Jeff Goldblum plays both the doubter and the supporter well.

Originally posted by radioactivelizzy

11) Continuing with the excellent music in this film, “All I Ever Wanted,” carries with it that sense of grandeur as well as the heartbreak of Moses denying his true heritage.

12) Moses’ nightmare is one of the most memorable non-musical sequences out of the film (not THE most memorable but one of them), and this is done both through the unique hieroglyphic art style and the lack of dialogue. It is true visual storytelling.

13) Remember how I said Tzipporah is fierce as heck? Well, that continues throughout the film when she decides to drop Moses into a well as a bit of payback for being a prince of Egypt (although she does help him out because he helped her escape the palace).

14) Danny Glover is the third actor who doesn’t have enough lines. He plays the role of Jethro, a character with about ten spoken lines (more or less) and then the rest of his role is in song. And Danny Glover doesn’t sing the song.

Originally posted by holden-caulfieldlings

In the little dialogue Glover does give though, he is able to establish Jethro as a man who’s heart is as big as his stature. I just wish we’d heard more of him.

15) I mentioned in The Road to El Dorado the effectiveness of using a song to cover large gaps of time. This film is no different, initial with Jethro’s song “Through Heavens Eyes.” It’s a rousing and hopeful number which talks of the Hebrew god and how we can only know our worth when trying to look through (one guess what I’m going to say next) heaven’s eyes. In that time we cover Moses learning what a free life is from these people, his growing humility, and his blossoming relationship with Tzipporah (and eventual marriage).

Originally posted by holden-caulfieldlings

16) The Burning Bush.

Val Kilmer provides the voice of god in this film, although that wasn’t the initial plan. Originally all the actors in the film were going to voice god at the same time, and were told to whisper so they wouldn’t overpower each other. When the time came to record Kilmer’s lines, they realized someone had to speak louder. It was a happy realization, as the filmmakers later noted that god usually speaks to us as the little voice in our own heads. And it parallels the Cecil B. Demille version of The Ten Commandments where it is said (although I don’t think confirmed) that Charlton Heston also provided the voice of god while also playing Moses.

17) Moses telling Tzipporah about his encounter with the burning bush is another fine example of how filmmaking is primarily a VISUAL medium. We don’t hear a word they saw to each other, but we see him talking and we see her reaction and we know EXACTLY what is happening.

Originally posted by quaslmodo

18) Ralph Fiennes performance as Ramses is at its best when Ramses becomes villainous and conceited. Hmm, Ralph Fiennes playing a villainous and conceited villain. Sounds familiar…

Originally posted by yerr-a-wizard-harry

19) Playing with the Big Boys is the only real villain song in this film.

Performed by the evil lackeys Hotep and Huy (who are voiced wonderfully by Steve Martin and Martin Short respectively), the song shows off just how dark things in the Egypt really are and how tricky these two “magicians” are. Martin and Short breathe wonderful life and evil fun into the song, and even recorded their dialogue together. And the scenes uses wonderful use of darkness and shadows to make us feel like Moses is in over his head. Which in a way, he is. But the film wouldn’t be interesting if things were easy for the protagonist.

20) The growing conflict between Moses and Ramses is heartbreaking and I give credit to all those involved in this film for that. The directors, the writers, the animators, Val Kilmer & Ralph Fiennes, everyone. We see them go from the best of friends to archenemies and neither of them wants to be in that position. But they are, and they each think they’re doing what is best for their people. It hurts a lot to watch.

21) “The Plagues” is also a great example of how this film condenses what could have been a massive chunk of time into a little two-and-a-half minute song.

It also does not make light of the plagues either. The plagues were horrible. True wrath of god type stuff that ruined people’s lives. And this song is an epic but dark representation of just what those were like while also developing the conflict between Moses and Ramses.

22) I’m not as familiar with my biblical readings as maybe I should be, but I like that this film depicts Moses reaching out to Ramses one last time before he releases the final plague. It is one final reminder that they are or, more appropriately, were brothers. And they almost seem to understand each other, to make peace. But they don’t. Meaning the final and most awful plague is released.

23) I don’t want to get into my own theological beliefs or philosophies, but I am always sickened about the death of the first borns of Egypt.

The scene is animated beautifully but the entire thing is heartbreaking. The idea of a god who will take away the lives of children just to get what he wants, even though he later claims that we are all his children, just never sits right with me. I just…it sickens me. That’s all I can say. It sickens me.

24) “When You Believe” is probably THE song from this film. It won the Oscar for best original song that year, beating out “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” by Aerosmith. It is the perfect representation of the power of hope and belief which is the central theme of this film. Michelle Pfeiffer and Sally Dworsky (along with the film’s chorus) do an excellent job performing the song written by Stephen Schwartz, but the pop version performed by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey is just as good.

Originally posted by holden-caulfieldlings

25) I think the most memorable part of this film has to be the parting of the Red Seas. And it could just be for this image alone:

Originally posted by neverlandpixy

That is such a powerful image which really gets across the wonder of what we’re seeing. A representation of the scene which few if any adaptations of the Exodus story have ever lived up to and which I think only animation can bring to life so wonderfully.

26) After the Red Sea crashes down and Ramses is washed away, we see Moses looking off in the distance and hear Ramses screaming, “MOSES!” The filmmakers have suggested that this may be in Moses’ head and that Ramses might actually be dead. I like that idea. It shows Moses still has hope for his brother.

27) And since this is an adaptation of Exodus, of course it has to involve the Ten Commandments in some way. I’m just glad that it’s the last shot of the film. A nice way of ending the story.

It makes sense to end a family film there, as opposed to Moses finding his people worshipping a false idol (a golden cow, I think) and smashing the tablet before God destroys the idol and forces his people to wander the desert for 40 years to kill off the rebellious generation. Oh, and Moses didn’t get to go into the promised land.

(GIF originally posted by @rocktheholygrail)

What’s not family friendly about that?


The Prince of Egypt is a great animated film who’s popularity has unfortunately lost steam in recent years. It represents its story well without beating you over the head with the religion, the animation and music are gorgeous, and the voice acting is top notch (if a little wasted at times). I highly recommend you see it.