is just the most heartbreaking thing to me

I was 13 when someone asked me what I wanted to be when I was older. I replied with simply - “rich”. I was 16 when someone asked me again what I wanted in the future and who I wanted to be. I know everyone expected me to say “rich” or I wanted to be a Doctor, Lawyer or Teacher, just like I once would have. But in the space of 3 years I had learned more and more about life, and who I wanted to be. I learned that some things cannot be taught in the classroom. It is in the heartbreak and healing that we learn the most. It is in the different cities and countries that we learn about different cultures and the world. It is in the late nights with friends sitting on the porch eating cold pizza, that we learn life isn’t always bad. It’s in the feeling we get when we are about to board the plane to go to another country, that we learn happiness is not just a boy calling you back after ignoring you for days, but in the beauty of the world. I had learned in the space of 3 years that life can be kind, cruel but also beautiful. I had learned that travelling to places outside the silly and boring town that I lived in can be refreshing for the soul. So, ask me again what I want to be when I’m older and I will tell you that I want to be a lover of the world, and not a lover of money.
—  i-wonder-lust 

I want Yuuri to cry.

Hold it! Before you get to my throat, I’ll explain why:

The scene in ep 1 where Yuuri cries alone in the toilet really got to me….because I could relate to it so well. The way he behaved like an emotionless robot when he was outside with Celestino, the way he made the fake voice while talking to his mother on the phone, and the most heartbreaking of all was when he cried…

Here are the things which struck me the most :

1) Yuuri’s own mother didn’t realize exactly how upset Yuuri was……this leads me to believe Yuuri never allows himself to cry even in front of his closest family and friends….Sure he whines when teased by others or cries when he gets physically hurt, but actual full blown crying just to let out his feelings? I don’t think he’s ever done that

2)Yuuri was trying to hold back his voice……as far as Yuuri knew, there was no one in the washroom, he could have been louder if he wanted to…but the way he choked back on his voice makes me feel this isn’t the first time he has cried like this….silently, so that no one knows. How many times must he have cried into his pillow? Just to muffle his voice and hide his tears?


Yuuri has subconsciously conditioned himself that crying in front of others is wrong, showing his vulnerability, even when with his own family , is wrong…….and now, even if he wants to cry his heart out to someone…….he won’t…no, he can’t
He just can’t bring himself to do it….

And I’m saying all this as a person who goes through the same thing……I’m starting to open up…..just a bit, enough to trust two friends to not look at me weirdly when I have a silent cry……but to this day I haven’t found someone I can trust myself to simply bawl my heart out to without being judged or being told ‘don’t be such a crybaby’ or ‘don’t cry over something so silly’

So just once….just once, I want Yuuri to cry.

I want him to stop holding up that dam he has built up over these years and just let his emotions out. And it doesn’t have to be over something great like losing a tournament……. it can be something as stupid as falling on the ice exhausted…..when he’s just practising, alone in the Hasetsu castle’s ice rink…

And when the dam does burst, I want Viktor to be there for Yuuri.

I want Yuuri to be able to break past his conditioning and trust Viktor enough to cry as loudly and messy as he wants to.

And I want Viktor to simply plop down on the ice next to Yuuri, give him a shoulder to cry on, to gently run his fingers through his hair and wait for Yuuri to calm down and just tell him,

It’s okay.

3

My favorite part about this kiss is how intense Dylan/Stiles’ face is. He’s kissing her like she’s his lifeline, the air he breathes. He’s so consumed in this moment, in this kiss, in Lydia. You can feel how much he loves her and how much this moment means to him. This is everything Stiles has spent the past 10 years building up to, and the intensity with which he kisses Lydia is like none I’ve ever seen. Lydia holds onto to Stiles, kissing him back just as forcefully, and we get this incredible moment that seems to stop time. I just can’t get over how much you can tell that this is quite possibly the most important day of Stiles’ life just by the expression he makes when kissing Lydia. It’s gentle and intense and heartbreaking all at the same time. You can feel the gentleness he possesses for Lydia, but it’s also this intense fire that burns hot enough to consume them both. It’s so amazing that these two completely opposite things can exist simultaneously in just one expression. Dylan never ceases to amaze me with how much he understands Stiles as a character and his unconditional love for Lydia.

anonymous asked:

The little smile Lexa gives right before she says "I hope so" to Clarke is the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen. She's trying so hard to remain strong. Of course once Clarke kisses her it becomes too much and the surprise, disbelief and bittersweet happiness just overwhelm her. It's so so sad I can't. I think she can't believe the woman she loves finally kissed her

DON’T DO THIS TO ME! I KNOW!

(x) It’s heartbreaking, truly heartbreaking. And that little nod too… what kills me is that she knows that that “maybe someday” Clarke is talking about will never come for her. She will always belong to her people. But still, she puts on a brave face and smiles because she’s not about to make Clarke feel even worse. That smile to me is a combination of acknowledging Clarke’s hope, of not taking it away with the reality of her situation, and a natural reaction to what Clarke is doing, which is trying to give hope to both. How long has it been since the last time someone tried to comfort Lexa? How long since someone saw her being sad and tried to say or do something that would hopefully lessen her sorrow?

But then there’s the moment right after the smile, which is even more heartbreaking to me.

Because she can’t keep that brave face on. Her smile falters and disappears and all that’s left is this profound sadness that she simply cannot hide. Her eyes are red and glassy with unshed tears. Lexa is sadly used to pushing down her feelings, but this time they’re so strong that she’s not able to. She’s not even able to agree with Clarke, to pretend that everything will turn out for the best for them, for her. She doesn’t say “You’re right, that day will come.” All she can whisper, ironically (sadly) enough almost without hope, is

I miss seeing your name pop up on my phone.
Now a days,
I feel so alone.
I just feel so unwanted,
so disregarded on my own.
It felt like you were the person to care for me,
but now there’s no one that’s there for me.
Now you look at her as if she’s the most beautiful thing you have to see,
that’s the way you used to look
at me.
—  a.a.
Maybe if I could just get him to see how much I loved him
He would stay because I know him
He sleeps with the window cracked even in the winter
He needs a drink before bed because he always gets thirsty
He has a tough exterior but he’s one of the most caring people I know
But that didn’t seem to bring him back
He just got further and further away
Until it was just me and all these little things I knew about him
That I could never seem to quite forget
—  Chapters from my life

You guys I’m just…

She plays the guitar now.

That’s absolutely the most amazing thing to me. Like through all of the insanity she’s gone through Joel still sat down and taught her to play. Not only that, but she finds solace in it.

And then it goes to her face and she starts to sing. I don’t know about you guys but I’ve missed Ellie so much and it brought back a huge wave of emotions for me. This scene is heartbreaking too, she looks hurt and pained but she sings anyway.

Then she’s so determined in the final moments of the trailer. She’s grown so much from the end of the previous game, where she questioned Joel’s honesty with her and also questioned her own decisions. She’s an adult now (or almost there it’s hard to tell) and she knows what she wants.

Also her hair is tied up like the way Tess used to tie her hair. I can’t handle it.

KC Spoilers

It’s just me who think that the end of King’s Cage is very strange? I mean, Cal said that Mare was the most important thing of his life. But he choose the crown, something that caused so much pain to him, over her. In Red Queen he said that he almost choose Mare; and, in King’s Cage, he was so much closer to her to pick the crown over her. I think in Book 4 we are going to have a very big overturn in history, for better or worse. Even because, @vaveyard is the queen of book twists.

(It made me so upset.)

[Oh god, I’m SOBBING at the final episode of Asylum. And I’m not even halfway through. I never thought I’d cry over Jude when I first started this season and now I can’t stop sobbing. And I know that more heartbreak is coming.

Like fuck I’m glad I didn’t skip Asylum and gave it a shot. Some things triggered/upset me, but most of it didn’t. I LOVED Murder House. But Asylum is so much better to me. It’s just so emotional and in depth.

God, and I’ve had so many people say Coven is the best like how can anything be better than Asylum? So many interesting characters and individual stories. PERFECT character development in just 12 episodes. Especially with Sister Jude.

Sorry for this rambling I’m just in tears because Jude in the last episode is the most heartbreaking thing ever.]

anonymous asked:

Honestly I don't think I know any women who haven't been sexually assaulted at some point, I know the 1/3 and 1/5 stats are thrown around a lot and are shocking but in my small bubble of experience it's higher. I'm 20 and every single female friend my age inc me has multiple experiences but I also have a lot of 60+ friends (via a cool™ aunt, most are lgbt+) and the amount of them who've opened up to me about this after discussions re feminism is heartbreaking cause nothing's changed

We talk about rape statistics and people try and debunk those numbers but the amount of women I know who don’t even REALISE they are victims, like it’s just a “negative thing” and they internalize the shame.

I wouldn’t be shocked if numbers are higher, I know so very many people who are victims.

I’ve wanted a lot of things in life. To be happy, to fall in love. To be with that person that means the most to me, even in the worst of times. And for a long time, that person was you. I wanted a future with you. A house we bought together and turned into a home. Children that looked just like us only with your heart and my soul. I wanted everything with you. But it’s crazy how things change. All I want now, is to yell at you. I want to slap you across the face. I want to be angry and hurt you the way you did me because I want to stop hurting at the sound of your name. I want to stop aching at the sound of your voice. I want to stop constantly checking my phone for a message that I know will never come. I want to erase you from my life just as easily as you erased me. I want to hate you. God I want to hate you so much. With every fiber of my being I want to be able to not give a shit about you… But I can’t. I just can’t do it. I can’t hate someone I’ve loved for so long. I can’t say that I don’t care when you’re the one constant in my mind. God sometimes I wish I could hate you. But life isn’t fair, and we don’t always get what we want.
—  Letters to you (words I’ll never say)
<Late night thoughts>
TO STEFAN SALVATORE

I haven’t written a post in a long,long time but I feel like now it’s the right time to write one.

First of all, I would like to express how grateful I am for the fact that I started watching that tv show and mostly for my favourite fictional character a.k.a Stefan Salvatore. Before I started watching the show, I thought that there is nothing that can help me feel better because I was going through something really bad. And then I started watching the show. I gotta admit that every character had their own charm and complexity that made the show even more interesting. However, there was one character that stood up above everybody else and that was Stefan. Words can’t describe how quickly this character grew up on me. All the guilt, pain, betrayal, heartbreak and regret he has gone through just made me fall more and more into the depth of his character. But the one thing that made me love him the most was the fact that no matter through how many ups and downs he has gone through, he never lost his will to be good and selfless. 

Second of all, I would also like to express how grateful I am for Stefan meeting Elena. No matter what, my all time favourite ship has always been and always will be Stelena. I’m really happy that I got the chance to observe these two characters finding comfort and love in each other when they needed it the most. However, I gotta admit that I’ve always been quite appreciative of the relationship between Stefan and Katherine,as well. Although Katherine is the reason why all those bad things happened to Stefan, I strongly believe he truly loved her (Blame it on the Dobsley chemistry if you wish). However, his love wasn’t as big as the one for Elena. I’ve never watched such a powerful fictional couple and I probably never will. And this is one of the reasons why, it really hurts me to know that they didn’t end up together.

Furthermore, I gotta say that this ending broke my heart into pieces. Stefan Salvatore deserved true happiness. I wish the writers had given him a better ending of his story because he truly deserved it. However, the character of Stefan has always been developed on the fact that he is a martyr who desperately needs to find peace. Unfortunately, after all the years full of guilt and pain, the only way for Stefan to find peace was for him to be the martyr of the show for one last time and  sacrifice himself for his brother. It hurts me that Stefan had always sacrificed his own happiness for the happiness of the others but as I mentioned before, that was the beauty of Stefan’s character, his selflessness. 

To conclude, I wanna say that no matter what, I will always hold closely “The Vampire Diaries” and Stefan Salvatore. 

Thank you for everything, Stefan Salvatore

Thank you for everything, Stelena

Thank you for everything, Steferine

Thank you for everything, Silas and Amara.

And most importantly, thank you Paul and Nina for your undeniable on-screen chemistry and for this beautiful journey.


Alan was my friend and so this is hard to write because I have just kissed him goodbye. 

What I remember most in this moment of painful leave-taking is his humor, intelligence, wisdom and kindness. His capacity to fell you with a look or lift you with a word. The intransigence which made him the great artist he was — his ineffable and cynical wit, the clarity with which he saw most things, including me, and the fact that he never spared me the view. I learned a lot from him.

He was the finest of actors and directors, I couldn’t wait to see what he was going to do with his face next. I consider myself hugely privileged to have worked with him so many times and to have been directed by him. He was the ultimate ally. In life, art and politics. I trusted him absolutely. He was, above all things, a rare and unique human being and we shall not see his like again.

Weekly Brallie Post: Real Heartbreak

The thought that Callie had to prove her love to AJ was just another reason that relationship should have never happened. The feminist woman in me found it quiet offensive that Callie felt she had to make AJ believe in their relationship. I know that Callie felt she had to sweep it all under the rug because she felt guilty for when she kissed Aaron and I’m proud of her for coming clean about that. The thing that infuriated me most wasn’t that AJ had feelings for someone else, complete dick move on his part, but it was his excuse that the reason he is giving up on their relationship is because it’s too hard. News flash, Real relationships are tough and you don’t give up on them easily. AJ doesn’t get that the tough relationships usually have substance and if you really love someone there worth fighting for. He could take a page out of Brandon’s book because unlike AJ he did fight for Callie. The relationship was doomed from the beginning but his reason for taking an out was selfish. He presumes that Callie hasn’t been invested in theirs relationship, but I think we can all agree she tried to keep their relationship going, way more than he did. The truth is he can’t handle the fierce, independent, bad ass super Callie that he thought he could. Honestly I think it’s clear that Callie isn’t super heartbroken over his betrayal. You can clearly see the level of emotion doesn’t even compare to what she felt for Brandon when he turned her away. Personally I never really thought Callie loved AJ. I believe she tried to love him ,but it was never going to be enough. The same goes for AJ. As I’ve said before he was much more into the physical aspect of their relationship. Also I always felt Callie had to put on this masa for AJ and he was always just bringing her down. He didn’t believe in the things that were important to her and wanted her to change so he wouldn’t be brought down himself. That’s not love and now Callie can find it once agin in the one she never lost it with.Unfourtantly it’s been this way for both Brandon and Callie in all of their relationships. The old adage applies with them. If you can’t love the one you want then love the one you are with.

anonymous asked:

my buddy my pal if u don't want people shipping supergirl and that brunette chick maybe u shouldn't parallel them with literally the most heartbreaking otp of all otps in the mcu like wow. just a thought there kiddo but saying 'don't ship a parallel with steggy!' is yikes. maybe pay more attention to the point of the scenes ur giffing?

Oh boy I don’t even know where to start with this one… listen.. sweetie… clearly you don’t even go here so welcome to my blog, let me and my aro ass explain to you a few things.

First off, I do not ship Supergirl and “that brunette chick” because “that brunette chick” is her sister. And I am not going to be okay with people shipping siblings together romantically/sexually, that is a Hard No for me. Like I’m not going to go out and tell other people they aren’t allowed to ship them, but it is perfectly within my rights to express in the tags of my own damn gifset that I would prefer not to see tags about the two of them as a romantic ship in the reblogs. And I mentioned it in my own tags knowing full well that that is going to have absolutely no effect on anyone else’s behavior and interactions with my post and that’s fine, 90% of the time my tags are just me talking to myself

(plus literally the only things I said to that effect were “#but please… i am begging you all… please No Romo in the tags pLEASE it’s all i ask” and “#i would like to thank not only rao but also kara ‘alien jesus’ zor-el for the minimal romo in the tags of this post” which is not even referring to the specific ship at all??? it could be interpreted as just a general repulsion to romance, which, what do you know, is basically the foundation of my blog and therefore should not be surprising to most of the people who would even see those tags??)

And speaking of my general distaste for romance… here is a RADICAL #Concept:

ROMANTIC LOVE IS NOT THE BE-ALL END-ALL OF EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE. IT IS NOT THE PINNACLE OF THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

How many times to I have to fucking yell this into the void??? Being in capital L, Romantic Love™ is not The Closest two human beings can ever possibly get. There isn’t some scale of interpersonal relationships where familial love trumps friendship or something and romantic love trumps everything else.

This is a huge problem in society in general. Romantic relationships are valued more highly over almost any other type of connection, and if you lack that romantic connection, then you and your life are viewed as incomplete. The idea that two people are “just friends” vs “something ~more~” is fucking terrible, like there should be nothing “just” about being friends, being “just friends” should not be viewed as a consolation prize or a stepping stone to something ~more meaningful~ (i.e. romantic). Your familial/parent-child/sibling relationships shouldn’t be viewed as training wheels for the eventual Real (Romantic) Relationships / “”“’'True Love”“”“’. “True (Romantic) Love” is NOT inherently more meaningful than the love between two friends or between sisters or between me and my fucking pet cat.

So the implications of you saying “maybe u shouldn’t parallel them with literally the most heartbreaking otp of all otps in the mcu” are fucking TERRIBLE like wow, just a thought there kiddo, but essentially saying “this highly emotional and heartbreaking scene MUST be indicative of romantic love and there is no way anything but a romantic ship could possibly have a goodbye as heartbreaking as my otp because the only interpersonal connection that is strong enough to cause that much heartbreak is a romantic one” is yikes. It’s one of the things I hate most in the world (and specifically in fiction/media and fandom — this happens a lot when two siblings have a strong bond, somehow people always start shipping them together romantically because society has trained us to automatically read strong emotional bonds like that as being romantic).

(Okay shit this is getting long so the rest is going to be under the cut because I am not even CLOSE to being finished, my guy)

Keep reading

Heartbreaker

Pavel Chekov x Reader

Fandom: Star Trek AOS

Author: Me (alliwriteistrash)

Length: 901 words

Prompt: could you write an imagine with playboy Chekov? by a lovely anon

Warnings: None

There are a lot of things that surprised you. The way Dr. McCoy acts all grumpy and annoyed, but is actually the biggest mother hen of the crew surprised you. Noticing Spock just barely smiling, when he thinks no one is looking at him, surprised you.
But the thing that surprised you the most was, that the sweet innocent looking navigator was a real playboy. Pavel uses the cheesiest pick up lines, but somehow they work for him. He just needs to look at someone with his ridiculously bright eyes and he got them wrapped around his little finger.

You were quite relieved that you weren’t one of his targets, since you liked him and didn’t want to be just another person he drops like a hot potato, once he had enough.

Until today.

You were just working on something you need to translate for your superior Uhura, when you noticed a shadow behind you. Thinking that it was just someone who wanted to talk to your colleague, you ignored it, when you heard the person clearing their throat.  

“Excuse me, Miss. I just wanted to tell you, zat you look extremely beautiful today. Ewen more than you usually do, which I zought would be impossible,” he said confidently, while leaning against the console right next to you effortlessly.

You could feel your cheeks getting warm as you just stare at him, not believing what was happening. But he didn’t give you any time to reply, and it would have taken you a lot of time to find an answer that wasn’t stuttered.

“See you later, [Y/N]”, he spoke again, smiling at you, before leaving you alone to your thoughts again. Did he really just flirt with you? That couldn’t be possible. For 2 years you thought he didn’t even knew you exist and now, he seemed to be interested in you.

No! You have to stop thinking like this. You know that this is how he gets all those people to swoon like teenagers and you won’t be part of it!

So you ignored each and every of his compliments and there were a lot of them. It hurt like hell knowing that he is only playing with your heart, but you were too proud to show it.

After a whole week of him trying to woo you, you had enough. And by enough, I mean you snapped at him, telling him to leave you alone. You are worth more than someone whose only aim it is to leave you once he gets bored.

What you didn’t expect were the disappointed looks you got from the rest of the crew. You didn’t do anything wrong! They should look at him like that and not at you, but instead they look at him encouraging. “I never considered you to be a heartbreaker, [Y/N],” Uhura told you, before returning to her work.

Did she mean that Pavel does have feelings for you? That you weren’t some kind of toy for him? That couldn’t be possible. Everybody knows that he is a playboy!

But Nyota knew him like barely anyone else and if she tells you, that you broke his heart… then it had to be true! You broke the heart of the person you had feelings for, since you saw him the first time.

Looking around you noticed that he wasn’t here anymore, but you need to apologize. Need to tell him that you feel the same.

“Miss Uhura, may I take a break? There is something that I can’t respite anymore,” you asked, while trying not to look so in a hurry.

“Of course, take off for today. I’ll order someone else here to finish you work,” she replied, chuckling slightly, that caused you cheeks to get hot, before she added, “Oh and [Y/N] Chekov is in the observatory room…if you are looking for him”, with a smug face.

With a nod, you excused yourself, walking slowly to the lift. But as soon as you reached the right level, you ran towards the observatory room, apologizing to everyone on your way, not stopping until you entered the room.

Immediately you felt his gaze on you. This wasn’t the right time to be shy. Right now you need to be as brave as you can be.

“Chekov, we need to talk. Right now,” you started, standing in front of him. He looked hurt and confused. Clearly not knowing what you want from him after you told him to leave you alone.

“Pavel, you need to be honest with me. Do you truly have feelings for me, that go beyond friendship?”, you asked boldly.

“I-… Yes, I do. But I get it. You don’t feel the same way and zat’s okay. We still can be friends”, he answered, his cheeks slightly pink as he looked at his feet. To say that he looked adorable was an understatement.

“No we can’t be just be friends Pavel”, you stated. He looked hurt, but not like he would start to argue.

“But we can be something more… if you want. How about we talk about it over lunch? I’m starving”, you added, as you watched his expression changing from hurt to delighted.

“Of course! Let’s get you something to eat and then we’ll talk about our first date and future relationship” he said brightly, as he linked your arms, before taking you to the mess hall.

You broke my heart; you hurt me. Again and again and you knew what you were doing. You knew you were shattering my heart, but you didn’t seem to mind. Maybe it was all just part of your plan. Telling me that the most important thing you wanted to do with me was to fall in love and work through everything no matter how tough it would be. Maybe killing the only one who has ever cared about you like I did, was your plan. Build it up, make it seem like everything’s alright, like you had feelings for me and then tearing it down and breaking my fragile heart piece by piece. You were watching as I held on tighter and tighter while you were slipping away little by little.
—  I was in love with you, but you killed me. ( @andrealynnxoxo )