is it too soon for jokes

anonymous asked:

Oh my goooosshh I can't take it anymore - it's been too long since you uploaded a video with Zack. I know it's only been a few weeks and I'm overreacting but I'm so addicted I can't stop watching them and I'm craving a new one so bad. I swear I've watched the diy and the Q&A at least five times each - not joking. So plleeaassee record a new one soon, I know your busy but if you ever need a quick video to upload at last minute I'll be very happy with a simple chatty vid with Zack, loving them.

aha ha hmm yeah not going to be seeing him in future videos unfortunately, things have ended in that regard. I can certainly look in to seeing of a friend of mine or new partner may be interested in being a part of a video but likely not for a long while.

haven’t been making videos at all for the last month sorry for that, things got a little hectic and looks like I’ll be getting switched to graveyard shifts soon so it’s been a little stressful keeping up with life and sorting out how things are going to work.  Will be working on new content soon, hopefully!

cocked & loaded [dwayne johnson/vin diesel]

okay, so if i were to write the academy award-winning and world peace-establishing screenplay where Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson and Vin Diesel slowly fall in love, this is what it would look like:

  • vin and dwayne would be bitter Rival Agents for an intelligence agency. both would be up for a Big Promotion.  they would both be working together (but against each other) on something something black market mafia.  the mafia would be involved.  they would be VERY CLOSE to cracking this case.  
  • whoever cracks the case gets the promotion! because things like this are always very clear-cut in movies.  and whoever gets the promotion is the Better Agent, and it’s settled forever.
  • what they don’t expect is when they finally go in to make the Big Bust on The Family is that the Big Players will still be at large–and there will be a BABY.  
  • the baby will fall into agency custody, and will require surveillance in a remote safehouse.
  • “i need YOU TWO to pretend and be this baby’s GAY DADS to protect the baby and keep The Family off our tail while we close in on them,” says Head Intelligence Captain Lupita Nyong’o.  
  • dwayne and vin and baby are begrudgingly moved to a suburb of provincetown, massachusetts. cut to shot of a FOR SALE sign being pulled down, a ford fusion hybrid pulling up behind a moving van.  dwayne and vin step out.  they are both wearing muscle shirts and mirror-lensed aviators.  dwayne grabs a baby bag, throws it over his shoulder.  vin grabs the car seat out of the back, and both of them walk-slow motion up the side walk to their new 800k beach house.  
  • here’s what they expect: passive aggressive co-existence for a couple of weeks, where they try to be the Better Dad in a bid for the promotion they both want.  dwayne will go jogging with the baby every morning!! vin will wear her in a sling when he goes to the farmer’s market and smiles at the vendors while feeling up avocados and selecting fresh caught filets of fish!! 
  • here’s what they don’t expect: their next door neighbors are going to be Channing Tatum and Idris Elba and their five beautiful, interracial babies.  they are the perfect Gay Family, but “also,” dwayne says, pushing vin inside from where he’s been grilling steaks and drinking MILLER out of a CAN in broad daylight for the Real Gay Family to see and call over from their patio!!! “these guys are the REAL DEAL.  they’re gonna know something’s up!  i know we’ve had our beef, but we gotta step our game up and work together if we’re gonna make this operation work.”  
  • “you’re right,” vin says.  he’s nodding, looking at a ground, but then up and meeting dwayne’s gaze. “you’re RIGHT.” they’re gonna make this partnership work!!! they are going to be the BEST GAY DADS.
    • CUT TO: vin and dwayne staring at the king sized mattress in the master bedroom.  “i can just–” vin says, but dwayne grabs him by the shoulder and shakes it playfully.  “no man,” he says. “it’s all in or nothing.” 
    • CUT TO: them jogging together with baby playfully squealing from her stroller early in the morning.  
    • CUT TO: vin playfully feeding dwayne grapes at the farmer’s market.  “it’s all or nothing,” he repeats, raising his eyebrows (???? eyebrow folds? idk man). dwayne rolls his eyes and TAKES THE BITE.  
  • CUT TO: channing tatum in monogrammed shorts and pink polo and boat shoes on their front door step with one of his many perfect, precious toddlers on his shoulders, asking them to dinner.  “uh yeah,” dwayne says, cool as a cucumber. he’s not freaking out (he’s totally freaking out!!).  “we’ll bring the wine.”
  • “we’ll bring the wine?” vin repeats, in a hushed voice so the neighbors and baby don’t hear them fighting. “do you know anything about wine? they probably have a second house in france!  i haven’t had anything that didn’t come from a box since–since ever! what were you thinking?” “i panicked!  it seemed like the right thing to say!” 
    • TIRES SCREECH as the ford focus hybrid drifts into the whole foods parking lot.  
  • they show up out of breath, foreheads glistening, with baby in her favorite babybjorn, feet kicking from the day’s excitement of wine shopping.  vin, wheezing, passes a bottle of red and a bottle of white.
    • “oh, a chateau coutet barsac,” idris says with a chuckle, showing the label to channing. “remember that time–?” and oh my GOD, they have inside jokes!! 
    • (”we don’t have any inside jokes!!” dwayne whispers when they immediately excuse themselves halfway through a tour of the house. “that’s because you are the least funny person i know!” vin replies. “god, i hate you!!!” they both probably hiss at each other.)
  • the worst and best part of the night is when they’re serving the roast veg salad, and channing says with the best intentions, “so, how did you two meet?”
    • “uh,” vin says.
    • “the gym,” dwayne says. which, actually turns out to be true.  they look at each other, smile soft and genuine for once at each other, REMEMBERING. before they were BITTER RIVALS, they met at the academy gym and were GYM BUDDIES.  they used to have FUN trying to beat each other’s PR on the treadmill, they used to LOVE shit talking each other when they spotted each other bench pressing, they used to snap towels at each other’s asses in the locker room and totally not check each other out or anything!!! and then they were both accepted to the same position at work and they stopped being friendly for whatever reason.  they stop smiling, they look away from each other.  “anyway.”
    • “we met building houses for habitat for humanity,” idris offers, because of COURSE THEY DID.
  • the second worst part of the night is when channing mentions during the dessert course that two weeks from now is the annual May Day Homeowner’s Neighborhood Block Party Crab Cookoff, and maybe dwayne and vin would like to host to get to know everyone else in the neighborhood! 
  • vin has had like, three more glasses of wine than everyone else, and with aid of liquid confidence, shrugs his shoulders and leans back in his chair and says, “yeah, man, we’d love to.”
    • “’yeah, man, we’d love to?’” dwayne repeats when they’re walking home, baby asleep in her bjorn. 
    • “sorry, did you want me to give ourselves away? what happened to being the best? we’re trying to be believable!” 
    • “yeah,” dwayne says, watching vin strip off his shirt and pants and toss them over his shoulder into their spare hamper before crawling into their bed.  it’s routine.  they both have their sides of the bed.  “believable.”
    • the bedroom is quiet as they face away from each other at the edges of the mattress.  eventually dwayne asks, “do you remember why we stopped being friends?”
    • for a second he thinks maybe vin’s gone to sleep.  but he turns over.  “no,” he says.  “or yeah, maybe. as soon as i realized we would both be seeing action, it became too much of a risk.  friendship.  it was easier to lose you as a friend on my terms than lose you as a friend because you got your dumbass killed.”
    • they decide to be friends again.  you know, for the baby.  for work. whatever.  
  • they get so caught up in planning the May Day Homeowner’s Neighborhood Block Party Crab Cookoff, making inside jokes and ignoring the increasing casual physical intimacy between them that they don’t realize they are BEING WATCHED.
  • the mafia is HERE and they want their BABY and they want dwayne and vin DEAD.  
  • the M.D.H.N.B.P.C.C happens and everything is going according to plan, and they are about to have dwayne judge the bisque portion of the competition, but no one has seen dwayne anywhere!!!!
  • are there warehouses in provincetown??? is there a bad part of provincetown??? anyways, that’s probably where the mafia took dwayne.  vin is FREAKING OUT, how does he save dwayne??? how does he protect the baby, who they are using dwayne as ransom for??? who will judge the bisque portion of the crab cookoff???
  • idris puts a hand on his shoulder.  he’s been watching the entire time.  “i’ll take the baby into our panic room–” OF COURSE THEY HAVE A PANIC ROOM, “and channing will judge the bisque portion of the crab cookofff.  you go save your man.”
  • CUT TO: vin getting geared up to go out and kick some mafia ass, entering their walk-in closet and grabbing GUNS and a BULLET PROOF VEST and lacing up his L.L BEAN MEN’S GORETEX LEATHER BOOTS.  
  • vin takes out the entire warehouse-or-whatever of mafia lackeys and comes across dwayne tied up and blindfolded.
  • “who’s there!” dwayne demands, like he’s ready to fight despite himself.  vin takes three strong steps forward and grabs him by the back of the head and pulls him in for a kiss.  “guess who,” he replies.  dwayne smiles.
  • just then the Final Boss shows up as dwayne is being untied and like, something dramatic happens or whatever, but it’s okay.  they die or go to jail or something, it doesn’t really matter, because dwayne and vin are in LOVE and they’re gonna adopt the hell out of that baby.
  • CUT TO: a month later.  Head Intelligence Captain Lupita Nyong’o is disappointed when vin won’t accept his promotion.  
  • “i would,” he says, heavily decorated for saving dwayne in the field and taking down the mafia family.  “but the code of conduct says that it would be a conflict of interest if i was my husband’s supervisor.” BAM! THE END.  THEY’RE MARRIED.  WORLD PEACE UNLOCKED.   DONALD TRUMP IMPEACHED.  EVERYONE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

No one seems to know why there’s an orange alligator in a pond near Charleston. Residents joke the gator used too much self-tanning lotion. Residents living near the pond in Hanahan say they’ve seen the orange or rust-colored alligator a number of times. Photos show the 4- to 5-foot-long alligator on the banks of a retention pond at the Tanner Plantation neighborhood. Jay Butfiloski with the South Carolina Department of Natural Resources says the color may come from where the animal spent the winter, perhaps in a rusty steel culvert pipe. Experts say the alligator will shed its skin and probably return to a normal shade soon. (Source)

[TRANS] BTS Festa 2014 - Post-its to BTS

V

“Hey V!
When hyung look at you, uh, my heart hurts so so much.
I said you just need to trust and follow hyung right?
Why don’t you know that ㅋㅋㅋ Be obedient ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Wanna gang up and fight off Suga-hyung? Deal?” - Jimin 

“Hey V…
What’s your next hair color?
I’m curious too.” - Suga 

“V, speak to the point and precisely.” - J-hope 

“V.
You’re the kind of kid that makes people love and hate at the same time.
You’re similar to me in many things but sometimes I can’t understand you… Be more obedient.
P.S. Am I weird too?” - Rap Monster 

“Be a human.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

“Taehyung.
I don’t mind you resting in my room when I’m not at the dorm but clean up after you go~ Let’s live cleanly at the dorm! You’re No.1 on my blacklist ㅋㅋ” - Manager 

J-HOPE 

“Hobi-hyungnim.
Hyung ㅋㅋㅋ I demand a duel with you and Suga-hyung ㅋㅋ Right now you guys think I’m cute but the day this table is turned will come soon. Wait a little bit more.” - Jimin 

“Hey Hope…
These days your variety sense is getting better.
It’s good.
But thanks to that it’s twice noisier too…” - Suga 

“Hobi-hyung.
You’re always hopeful and cheerful but I think you must go through hard times too. If you do, you can look for me and talk. I can listen to your stories. […]” - Jungkook 

“Hey J-hope.
I heard you saved my contact as ‘Kim Seokjin-hyung’.
It’s okay.
I saved yours as ‘Bighit Jung Hoseok’.” - Jin 

“You pervert… ㅡ ㅡ
For example when I’m playing games, don’t turn off the outlet.” -

“Hope.
Sometimes you’re earnest, sometimes you’re the laziest. Show the world more of your abilities.” - Rap Monster 

“Chief Jung who always work hard and look after BTS. Wait, now that you’re promoted, you became team leader Jung right? ㅎ I believe there’s no doubt you’ll get good reward and result with how hard you’ve worked. Let’s get promoted to President Jung!” - Bang Shihyuk PD 

“Team leader Jung who’s always very helpful! Thanks~” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

RAP MONSTER 

“Hey Rapmon, shower cleanly.” - J-hope 

“If you borrow something you have to return it back.” -

“Hey Rapmon…
These days you’re not snoring…
Thanks to that I’m sleeping peacefully.
Thank you…” - Suga 

“Hey Rapmon.
I don’t know if I adapted myself to your snoring or if your snoring got quieter, but I got used to it.
It’s fine, it’s all good.” - Jin 

“Rapmonie-hyung.
You must be tired from going through a lot for the 6 of us right. I’m sorry I can’t do anything for you. I’ll work harder so you’ll have less hard times.” - Jungkook 

“Moni-hyung.
You’ll stand by our side right? You will right? I like you a lot but nah, I think you’ll betray us ㅋㅋㅋ I’ll leave you out. It’s a coup d'état!! Kakakaka.” - Jimin 

“Go to the bathroom before we start practicing.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

SUGA 

“Suga-hyungnim, thank you for thinking I’m cute ㅎㅎ I’ll fight you off some day. I’m gathering the team for it. Just wait. From the coolest guy in BTS.” - Jimin 

“Syub-hyung.
Please be more obedient.
I know your childish inner self better than anyone else ^*^!” - Rap Monster 

“Hey Suga.
I like your lazinism. Really.
I feel at ease when I see you lying down.
Really.” - Jin 

“You only need to show a little bit of your lethargy.” -

“Suga-hyung.
You must be tired from working and composing until late at night. You don’t seem to gain any weight so please eat a lot. When […] I’ll buy it for you.” - Jungkook 

“SUGA fighting!!” - J-hope 

“To. Suga Rebel.
Old soul. Genius artist?
Thanks to you BTS can be BTS. I hope you can keep being that way and become a great artist!!
When will you write a title song? ㅋ” - Bang Shihyuk PD 

“Take care of your health when you’re still young.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

JIN 

“Jjin-hyung~
You’re doing great.
Please show us the ✨eldest hyung✨ side of youㅡ
P.S. Thanks for your cooking! ^*^” - Rap Monster 

“Jin-hyung, please shave.” - J-hope 

“It’s too much if you know you’re handsome yourself.” -

“Jin-hyung…
Must be tired doing all the assignments for college right…?
You just need to avoid getting academic probation…
I’ll always support you.” - Suga 

“Jin-hyungnim.
Hyungnim T_T~ I’m going to fight off Syubsyubie-hyung and Hope-hyung but I need your help! If you’re there those people will ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ㅋㅋㅋ So you have to help me!!!
The most handsome cook in BTS, Jin-hyung.” - Jimin 

“Jin-hyung. Thank you for making us many delicious dishes.” - Jungkook  

“To. Jin BTS’ shoulder-slash-eldest-hyung!
You always stay behind quietly but I know you are their mediator and their shoulder to lean on.
Maybe the day when you’re called Korea’s best actor will come soon too?^^” - Bang Shihyuk PD 

“Seokjin.
Thanks to your ability to cook tasty dishes from limited ingredients, I always get to eat deliciously~ Take care of me in the future too~” - Manager 

“Hoot…” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

JIMIN 

“Hey Jimin…
Why do we stop growing so soon…” - Suga 

“Jiminie-hyung.
You’re having a hard time these days because of me right.
I’ll be more obedient.
Thank you.
Let’s work out together 3 years later ㅋ” - Jungkook 

“Jimin.
You know I love you right?
It’s no joke~” - J-hope 

“Don’t touch your thighs you pervert.” -

“To. Jimin
Hardworker, in charge of charm, Jiminie!! ♡
From someone who joined BTS the latest, you have now become an irreplaceable part of the team! Keeping working hard in the future too!! […] the saying that heaven will help hardworkers.” - Bang Shihyuk PD 

“Go to the bathroom early. Don’t go when we start.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

JUNGKOOK 

“Jungkook…
Stop working out…
Let’s not work out with me…” - Suga 

“Hey Jungkook.
You listen to me well so you’re good.
This brat.
Good. But refrain from working out…” - Jin 

“Jungkooks~
Jungkook, I’m not pressuring you! I’m planning to kick out Suga-hyung and Hobi-hyung but I won’t pressure you to stand by my side. But I’m treating you really well!!! Right? Our kind and pretty Kookie…” - Jimin 

“Jungkook, you’re so good even at practicing. I think I need to learn more because of you too. But be more obedient~” -

“To. Jungkook
Golden maknae!! Is there any word that can describe better than this? ㅎ
I believe that if you are not settled with your natural talents, not hate doing repeated things and work with passion, there’s no doubt one day you’ll become the best singer in Korea!
Hope you will never forget your passion and effort!!” - Bang Shihyuk PD 

“My manager. Once a manager, forever a manager.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

“Jungkook~
Wake up when I wake you in the morning! Sometimes I’m scared when no matter what I do, you still remain motionless like a stone stature. And sleep on your bed~! Don’t sleep in weird position on the floor too~!” - Manager

Study and Going Steady - Jeff Atkins Smut

Jeff Atkins x reader

Request: I was wondering if you could do a smut on Jeff Atkins about y/n coming to his house while his parents are away and we want to “Study” but things go another certain way

WARNINGS: Fluff, smut, cursing

Originally posted by knightlley

“I’m heading out now mom!” I scream as I head for the door.

“Okay hun, text me when you get to his house, love you!”

I say a quick love you too as I lock the door and jog to my car. I’m happy cause I’m staying the night at my boyfriend Jeff’s house. His first game can be next Friday if he passes his upcoming test so I promised him I will help him study before we binge watch cringy romance movies. As I pulled into his car, I noticed his parents car isn’t there. I forgot they went away on a business trip for the weekend. I knock on the door and as soon as it opens I’m welcomed by his lips.

“Hey beautiful” he smiles.

“Hello hunnybun” I joke as I walk into his living room.

“Oh gosh, let me stick to the cute names” he laughs as he jumps on the couch.

“Whatever you say boo bear” I smile as I sit down and put my legs on his lap. 

“Did you bring everything for the night?”

“Yep textbooks, pencils, pajamas, charger, hair ties, underw-”

“You don’t have to tell me everything babe” he laughs

“Yeah yeah when do you want to start studying?”

“Uh how about you go upstairs change into your pjs while I get us some food then we can start.”

 I nod my head and take my bag to his room. He has such a modest, but boyish room. I change into my clothes, purposely bringing the tight shorts and tank top Jeff loves so much. I throw my hair in a messy ponytail and get our books out.

“So I brought some classic chips and popco-”

He stopped and made no effort to hide the fact that he was staring right at my ass. That made me blush as I tried to pull down the already revealing shorts.

“And y-you expect us to study with you wearing that?”

“Wearing what?” I ask innocently as I turn away from him to put the rest of the books on the bed. I then felt his breath behind me as he grabbed my waist and pulled my back towards him. 

“This” He said and started kissing my neck and went from my waist to my breast, knowing I don’t wear a bra to bed. A light moan escaped my mouth as I put my hands over his. I felt him smirk on my neck and I almost forgot what we were suppose to do.

“Babe babe babe” I squirm from his grip as I turn to face him and peck his lip. 

“I love you, but we really need to study so I can cheer you on at Friday’s game”

he sighed, but he knew I was right. “Fine fine, but your missing out” he jokes as he slaps my butt. 

_____________________________________________________________

“Jeff pay attention!”

“I am babe I swear”

“Which president wrote the Declaration of Independence then?”

“Um.. Abraham Jefferson?”

“Yeah, no this studying is over, I hope your going to enjoy watching the game on the bleachers with me.” I start closing our books and Jeff grabbed my hands.

“I’m sorry babe, I just can’t stop looking at you that’s all, it’s easy for Jensen to tutor me because he isn’t my hot girlfriend.”

“Shall I dress up like Clay then?”

“No no no” he laughs.

“Then what do you want to do?”

he bits his lip and looks at me up and down as he climbs on top of me. he leans down to my ear and kisses it, “you” he whispers.

I can’t help but moan at how sexy that sounded and push him down onto the bed. I attack his mouth, not that he had a problem. He grab my thighs and squeeze them. I wrap my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. his hands travel to my butt as his slides his hands inside my shorts. I rub against his pants and start to feel his bulge coming on. He starts groaning and I smile against his lips. He stops kissing only to remove our shirts and turn me over. He starts to slowly kiss my neck, knowing I hate it.

“Jeff stop teasing” I wine.

“Sorry baby” he smirks.

He started to harshly suck on my sweet spot and I moan into his neck. He then goes to one of my breast and starts sucking on my nipple while massaging the other and then switching. I squirm under him, grabbing his brown hair just wanting to feel him already.

“Babe, I want you already” I wine

“In just a second” he smiles as his kisses travel to my thighs. he pulls my shorts down painfully slow, making me a groaning mess. he laughs at my reaction and comes back up to kiss me. I feel vulnerable being completely naked under him so I tug on his sweats so he gets the idea which he does. He pulls them down and went back to sweetly kissing me. I then feel his hands go in between my legs and I suck in my breathe. He circles his fingers around my clit and I try hard not to moan.

“Oh my go- Jeff!”

he bits his lip as he watches me come undone under him. I buckle my hips into his fingers and just need to feel him. 

“Jeff please..” I whimper with my eyes a shut. 

He doesn’t make me ask again as he grabs one of his condoms from inside his nightstand and slide it on. I can’t help but stare at his huge member and grab it in my hand, knowing he likes me to put it towards my entrance. He groans from my touch and kisses me passionately. He positions himself and stops kissing to look at me.

“Are you ready babe?”

I smile at him for always asking before he did anything. I nod my head and he slowly pushes himself into me. I moan and grab his arm as he stretches me. When he’s all the way in, he stops so I can adjust to him. He starts to slowly thrust into me and I wrap my arms around his neck.

“Fu-Jeff- my god” I moan. He takes my moans as his que to go faster. He takes my legs and wraps them around his waist as he starts quickly thrusting to me. I start to lose air from his speed. I dig my nails to his back and come close to almost screaming.

“Jeeeeeff! Fuck! my gosh!!” He puts one off my legs on his shoulder to deepen himself and goes faster. I moan with every pound he gives me. He’s a groaning mess as he whispers curse words with sweat coming down his forehead. His grip on my waist tightens as his thrust become more sloppy. 

“Babe I-I’m about to-”

I moan over his words as his thrust still didn’t slow down, but only got faster. I felt my stomach tighten as now both of my legs are over Jeff’s shoulders, feeling all of him. 

“Je- I c-can’t” before I can finish I came undone under him.

“Fuck y/n” his thrusts got sloppier as he rode out his high, putting my legs down and kissing my forehead. he slid out of me and collapsed onto the bed next to me. Both of us breathing hard, he turned over so that he was facing towards me and wrapped his arms around my bare torso. He started tracing small circles on my side and pecked my lips.

“If this is whats gonna happen every time we study, I don’t mind sitting on the bleachers” he lazily smiles.

“Well I’m not, your playing next game so text Clay”

“Fine, later” he sighs. 

He looks in my eyes and smiles “I love you babe”

“I love you too munchkin” I smile

“What did I say with the names!”

Burden of Proof

Word Count: 2357

Request: “ Thought; spontaneously dragging Steve of Bucky into random makeout sessions throughout the day and then just leaving him out of breath as you continue in with your business” And a very pleasant thought it is. 

Warning: Language, making out, and utter ridiculousness

A/N: I had more free time than I anticipated, so you’re getting this early. You have the snow storm to thank for this nonsense.

Steve Version

Originally posted by itsjustmycrazyvibe

“Ow ow ow ow ow!” you groaned through clenched teeth as Natasha dragged you through the halls and over the bodies of the incapacitated Hydra agents.

“Hush! There could still be some stragglers hanging around,” she hissed at you, readjusting her hold in order to pull you along more quickly.

“Well if you hadn’t been there to pull me out of the way, that delightful bullet would have definitely silenced me for good. You have only yourself to blame.”

Keep reading

Little things Harry would do to make Valentine’s Day special

Spend hours thinking of just the right words to put in your card, crafting the perfect way to explain how much you mean to him.

Insist on taking photos as you open your gifts. And when you protest, saying you’re still in your pajamas, he replies, “Gotta have summat to show our future children, love.”

Buy you a dress in the same shade of baby pink made of the same silky material as your favorite shirt of his. Not so that you’ll stop wearing his, god no; he loves coming home and finding you draped in his shirt, soft legs peaking out from the hem. He loves you in it so much he wants to see all the ways a dress of the same kind would flatter you.

Follow you around, gyrating and singing, as you get ready for the day, pleading with you to sing along. And when you finally let him take your hand, he spins you in a circle, crooning, “Girl, you know I want your love. Your love was handmade for somebody like me.”

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First Kiss | Jungkook

Masterlist |

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

Genre: Fluff

Words: ~4,5k

Synopsis: “I love oreos, but you know that thing after you eat them and your teeth are black and it looks like you’re on some crazy drugs and your teeth are rotting or something?” You snickered at your own explanation and the way Jungkook’s mouth was open agape, eyes squinted as he tried to picture the image you were so unskillfully painting. “It’s annoying, but you still like them. It’s the same for you.

A/N: I’m a bit rusty. I hope it’s not terrible. For @maroukimarouki

Originally posted by vernonymous


It was Saturday night, just one of many you had spent with them. The setting of your friendly reunion was nothing special, just the chaotic living room of their dorm. The feast you were enjoying was not expensive wine or exotic cheeses, but coke, chips and gummy worms; and you could have not been happier, stuffing doritos in your mouth until you were about to choke, to perfectly recite the lines of Cypher Killer without stuttering —at least if you did not want to carry a penalty out.

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runespoor7  asked:

...Is there a Top 10 Memes Inspired By Yuuri Katsuki?

In the Rivals universe Yuuri is the source of hundreds of different memes but there are a few that are especially popular and persistent.

10) “I’m not that special” - *breaks a world record* -  In an interview after his record breaking free skate Yuuri at one point said ‘I’m not that special’ during an answer to a question. “I’m not that special” - *breaks a world record* and variations thereupon becomes a meme very soon afterwards

9) I Will Never Be As Extra As Yuuri Katsuki – aka the phrase people use after someone says you are ‘extra’ as a joke about how Yuuri decided to confess his love in the most dramatic and public way possible and no-one will ever be able to top that level of extra

8) ‘He likes it too much’ – From one of my previous top tens about Yuuri’s response to a reporter asking if he thought it was degrading to make Viktor get down on his knees for him. The video clip was edited many times to all the usual reaction clips and gif of when someone has an amazing clapback

7) Reaction Picture – The reaction picture I mentioned in a previous ask where Chris makes a certain joke during one of Yuuri’s interviews and Yuuri looks like he wants to die from embarrassment. It becomes a popular reaction picture

6) ‘do a quad flip’ – ‘do a quad flip’ becomes a phrase people use as a joke when someone is trying to work out how to ask out their crush

5) ‘creating your own Katsuki’ – from a previous ask someone sent in ages ago, once the truth is revealed about what really started the rivalry, all celebrities always joke that you should always be nice to your fans unless you want to ‘create your own Katsuki’

4) ‘Everyone is Gay for Yuuri Katsuki’ – this one arose after Yuuri performed the Eros routine at Rostelecom. The running joke is everyone, regardless or gender, would definitely be down for it with Eros!Yuuri and that Eros!Yuuri was also a lot of peoples sexual awakenings.

3) The Way Viktor Looks At Yuuri – You know the phrase “get yourself a guy who looks at you like ____ looks at____.” “Get yourself a guy who looks at you the way that Viktor Nikiforov looks at Yuuri Katsuki” becomes a variation of that.

2) Cards Against Humanity – Cards Against Humanity do a celebrity special extension pack where they make cards related to specific celebrities and Yuuri’s one is a variation of one of their classics. ‘How to Get Yourself A Man By Yuuri Katsuki – 1) Get insulted by childhood idol and spend the next ten years of your life focused on nothing but your burning desire for revenge 2) ??? 3) Marriage  

1) Katsuki as an adjective -  ‘Katsuki’ becomes an adjective to describe certain things. So you can be petty or you can be ‘Katsuki’ petty aka throwing darts at their picture and making snarky comments vs devoting your whole life to ruining everything they’ve ever worked for just for your own satisfaction, you can hate them or you can ‘katsuki’ hate them aka do you actually hate them or do you say you hate them but you actually want to bone them etc. There are a lot of different variation!

Draco, 8th year?? He needed to shake the war, and shake himself a bit. He decided to go into muggle London, because why not, everything else in his world was on its head. Then he saw it: the leather jacket. And well, wouldn’t that just piss off his dad, and everyone, and he needed to change. So he bought it. The smoking came along after. First it was after one too many drinks with Zabini. Then it became something that helped to fill the holes in his soul. But no matter how many drags he took, the smoke would always escape.

Until he went back to school. And shit, Harry must have done a double, triple, quadruple take seeing Draco sitting in an archway smoking, in a leather jacket with his hair hanging loosely around his face.

And maybe one day Harry took his Gryffindor courage and sat across from Draco. And Draco would sneer and tell The Chosen One that this wasn’t his Golden Throne, for Merlin sake could Draco just be in peace for once. But Harry wouldn’t leave because Draco’s voice lacked the usual venom. So they sat for a while. Day after day, which soon turned to weeks, and greetings turned to conversations, and insults turned to jokes.

The smoke still couldn’t fill the holes left in his soul, but maybe, just maybe, the small, warm seed of something else growing in his heart could.

And Harry would smile, because he felt it too.

Happy Things to imagine Les Amis doing
  • Courfeyrac getting incredibly excited over pastries, ice cream, deserts and every sweet food available to him. Cheat days are his favourite days.
  • Enjolras watching his friends talk and laugh from a distance, a small smile on his face as he’s thinking about how much he loves them
  • Combeferre and Jehan watching a shooting star from the rooftop of one of their apartments. A lengthy and philosophical conversation follows about the universe
  • Gavroche mimicking little gestures and things that the older members say and do with a scary amount of accuracy of imitation. Everybody finds this alarming and adorable. 
  • Bossuet having an allergy to cats but somehow being a kitten magnet. He doesn’t mind the sneezes because he gets the best furry cuddles
  • Joly having a large collection of tea pots and and tea cups. He loves thrift shopping for new cups and the little gasp he makes on finding a new one is too cute.
  • Marius and Courfeyrac doing silly roommate things like having an impromptu movie night where they binge watch a series together and making inside jokes based off of things that happen around the house
  • Bahorel sunbathing with love heart shaped sunglasses on his eyes and getting ridiculously overjoyed when he’s left with a heart shape tan around his eyes. The puns that follow for the next few weeks are unbearable
  • Feuilly and Combeferre going to a book drive together and collectively losing their shit over the classics they find
  • Grantaire laughing wholeheartedly at his own joke. His laugh is loud and infectious, and soon all of his friends are laughing too. They don’t stop for 20 minutes and by the time the giggles have subsided the room feels light and free.

anonymous asked:

ana bear, can i ask you something? can you write little quirks and mannerisms you love about our shining babes? like, a eprsonal trait, a habit, all things you think define them (like Taem's magic hands and stuff)

yes y e s  of course I can and I’ll be glad to - let’s start with:

taemin

quirks/mannerisms

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Scream It Louder

Originally posted by jeonfhan

Character(s): Reader X Wonho, BestFriend!hyungwon

Genre: smut, slight sexual tension

Warning(s): jealous smut, slow build, praise!kink, rough sex

Length: 8.5 k words

A/N: For the anon that requested a wonho smut similar to the kihyun one. im sorry this ain’t really my best work, but yoooo Wonho got me feelin some type of way


You scrunch up your nose as you stand behind Hoseok, fingers digging into the hem of his shirt as he drizzles cheese onto the nachos.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” You ask, eyeing the mess of salsa, ground beef, tortilla chips, and cheese on the baking sheet.

He groans, tipping his head back, “Of course I know what I’m doing. God, do I look like I’m 12?”

“Nah,” you respond, grinning cheekily, “More like 15. That awkward mid-puberty boy type of look.”

He swats his hand at your grip on his shirt, pointing the wooden spoon in his hand at the sofa.

“Go and sit and be quiet if you want any food,” he says, turning his attention back to the nachos.

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anonymous asked:

Hili :) Can you write andreil 81 for the prompts please? Thank you <3

81: “You’re too good for this world.” okay…. I technically didn’t do this exact prompt, I took off the last word, I hope this suffices my friend, bc it’s actually:

“You’re too good for this.”


The problem with living in a fortress of knives and anonymity is that Neil can’t find him in it. And the problem with that is that a treacherous part of Andrew wants to be found, and touched, and dismantled blade by blade.

The problem with knives is that they won’t stop terrifying Neil, but they won’t stop feeling sure and righteous in Andrew’s palm.

The problem is Neil, a taste Andrew can’t completely swallow.

He puts Renee’s knives in Neil’s safe and Neil says all sorts of sticky emotional things like they’re taking part in some sort of ceremony. Andrew clicks the lock and climbs on top of Neil so he’ll stop thinking, pocketing his ‘yes’ as he goes.

It’s not just that he does what Neil asks, anymore. He tries to do things for him before he can ask for them. He tries to make things happen that he knows Neil doesn’t have words for.

He keeps one knife for himself, and he knows Neil knows about it, because he hands Andrew his armbands some mornings, and the weight is there in his palms.

Sometimes, that weight is the only way to get through the day without his head and throat pounding.

Sometimes Neil jerks awake and thrusts his hand under the pillow, and Andrew has to pry his wrists away. Neil knows protection, so he understands the slim line of a blade at his forearm is to Andrew what Andrew is to Neil.

But Andrew can tell that it bothers him, to have a knife buried in something that matters to him. He sees wintery metal in the shade of Neil’s eyes, and Andrew knows he’s condemning him to a future that looks like his past.

Still, the knife is just a talisman. Andrew is the weapon.

Before an afternoon practice sometime in the middle of the rush towards winter, Jack is the target.

They get to the court early because Neil only has morning classes. He’s always antsy by the time Andrew gets back to the dorm, insufferable and single-minded.

Andrew parks, Neil enters the code to the side door, their runners squeak against the sleek hall floors, and they split up at the locker room. Rinse and repeat. So many times a week that Andrew would feel the monotony in his teeth if it weren’t for Neil darting into side rooms or slipping on floor wax or doubling back to run in the rain, unpredictable as a lightning bolt.

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