Sherlock X Reader where the reader used to be in a war where her last boyfriend died and regrets what she did. Sherlock comfort basically, a little ooc but it’s Sherlock comfort so, you know.
Gunfire cut through
the air of the previously peaceful night. Fire lit up in places, bringing the
only light to the trenches. No one could be sure if what they were touching was
mud or blood. Another body fell. Screams echoed.
You flinched slightly, shifting in your sleep.
Another scream. This time worse. You recognised the owner of the voice.
You let out a small gasp, turning over again.
You turned in horror. A single gunshot echoed. The man beside you fell. The warzone fell silent.
You fell to your knees, trying desperately to find the wound as dying eyes looked back at you. “No!”
“please, please, be okay, just be okay” A hand covered yours and a tear fell from your face as his mouth opened to speak.
You turned suddenly, throwing the blanket away.
“I lo…” That was all you got. His eyes glazed over and he slipped away. “NO!”
You stood, tears giving way to anger. You gestured for the men beside you. You weren’t going to let him die in vain.
Pain, screams. You looked on in horror. One by one, they fell. ‘I should’ve thought, I shouldn’t’ve’
You sat up quickly with a gasp, feeling arms grab hold of you as you did. You moved quickly to pull away before you heard his voice.
“It’s okay (Y/N). It was a nightmare” The baritone voice of Sherlock reached your ears. You found yourself clinging to the dressing gown he wore as you tried to calm your shaking. “It wasn’t real” He told you softly. “You’re safe. You’re home” You nodded slightly, resting you head on his chest as he sat beside you, his arms around you.
You felt yourself smile softly when you had calmed down.
“Sociopath” You muttered under your breath. Sherlock heard it and the tone of amusement your voice held, smiling himself as he understood your thought from the single word.
“Are you alright?” He asked gently. You took a shuddering breath and nodded.
“Yeah” You said unconvincingly. He sighed and shifted, moving so he sat against the headrest of your bed with your close beside him.
“Another one?” His voice somehow even softer. You hesitated only a moment before nodding. “I’m certainly not the best person to help you (Y/N). You should talk to John, he-“
“No” You refused clearly, leaving no room for argument. You had been sent home from the war just as John had, but for a very different reason. Even after moving in with the boys and becoming closer with Sherlock, you still hadn’t told either of them about what had happened. You took another shuddering breath, knowing you had to confide in someone eventually. You knew how caring and understanding John could be, but you were afraid he’d hate you for what you’d done. Sherlock was right, he’d been there. But that made it all the more worse.
“I had been there for a while, I was a commander by then” You began, talking softly. Sherlock looked down at you in surprise but you kept your gaze firmly on the wall opposite. You had made your decision, and you had decided you trusted your detective.
“It was my first time leading, but he was there” Tears were already falling by that point, but Shelock didn’t dare interrupt. He’d already known about the man you loved back in the war. Everyone knew. But they didn’t know the whole story. “We were ambushed just after nightfall. The soldiers were young, not inexperienced, but still new. They did well. I fought beside them. Then he…” You trailed off with a sob and Sherlock’s arms tightened around you for a moment. You moved closer into him, remaining silent until you composed yourself.
“You know. But after, right after” You hesitated again, tears still falling. Not because of what happened, but what you did in response. “I wasn’t thinking. I called the troops forward, moved to attack…” You trailed off, not wanting to say the words, but you knew by now Sherlock already understood.
“They died” He finished softly. You nodded.
“It was my fault. I shouldn’t have moved forward like that. I got them all killed because of my stupidity” You shook your head. “I don’t deserve to live when they don’t”
“Yes you do” Sherlock’s voice was suddenly harsher than before. He left no room for argument as he spoke. “(Y/N), everyone deserves to live, no matter what you’ve done. You are the most kind-hearted, and amazing person I have had the pleasure to meet” He placed a soft kiss on the top of your head as you simply listened. “Without you, I certainly wouldn’t have been the man I am today. Without you, I wouldn’t even be alive today. I know of so many others who are alive and better because of you. Nothing good would come of you dying that day, do you understand?” You nodded, not trusting your voice as tears came to your eyes once more.
“Thank you” You said softly. You felt him nod slightly.
“You don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want to (Y/N). But it would make everything so much easier. I just want you to be okay”
“I think I am” You smiled.
The two of you sat there in silence, watching the sun rise through the window of your room. You couldn’t help but think the day you stumbled into a crime scene had become the most important day of your life. If the man beside you was anything to go on, there was nothing to say anyone couldn’t do good in this world if they wanted to. You smiled, enjoying the rare kind of moment with Sherlock. The kind that told you in all the others that he still cared.