is it normal to be this sexually attracted to a fictional character

realizing you’re on the ace spectrum like

“I’d hit that.” “You… you don’t even know them though??”

“Oh come on, everyone has a list of celebrities they’d totally have sex with if they had a chance.” “Haha yeah ok” *internally* what

"Ya so like for the past few years I’ve felt zero attraction to people I wasn’t friends with first?? Lol what’s up with that”

Why did you have to have sex with them?? Couldn’t you just hold it?? Like pee??

“You’ll meet someone who makes you feel like that someday, don’t worry” “……sounds fake but ok”

“Sex is an important part of a relationship! Everyone has sexual needs!” “….sounds fake but ok”

“Dude that girl is so hot” “I know right?? Look at her fucking eyeliner. Goals. The fuck.” “No I meant like… look at that ass” “Are we looking at the same person are you really focussing on her ass look at how visually appealing her outfit is and dont you dare fuckin tell me that eyeliner isnt fierce as hell

“Aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction are two different things” *puzzle pieces vERY RAPIDLY FALLING INTO PLACE*

*staring at the ceiling at two-thirty in the morning* i could die a virgin and i would regret absolutely nothing

“What’s your ideal girl like?” “Uh… my best friend?” “Oh cute, you want your girlfriend to be the one who knows you best!” “No I meant I am literally only attracted to my best friend she is my ideal girl please help I am dying”

“We’ve been dating for six months and we still haven’t had sex!!” “Have you marathoned Star Wars together yet?” “Yeah we did that like two weeks ago” “Well what more do you want

*thinking about an attractive woman* *dissecting my entire personality and sexuality to figure out why I’m attracted to her this time* is it the muscles. Oh my god is this a sex thing. Oh my god what the hell is this. Oh my god what the fuck is the wtf the fuck the fUCK

*Next day* Zarya could punch me in the face while eating me out and I’d let her but only because she’s a fictional character and therefore could literally never do that


(why is that tho. maybe i should look into that *doesnt look into it*)

“What do you find most attractive in a girl?” “Gotta love those strong emotional bonds” “No I meant like what’s a turn-on for you?” “DID I McFUCKING STUTTER”

*staring at the ceiling at two-thirty in the morning again* sexual attraction should be added to the cryptid wikia

“Yeah sex sounds like a great stress reliever and a nice way to strengthen the bonds between you and your partner(s)” “Well there’s more to it than that…” *The Arctic Monkey’s Do I Wanna Know starts playing in my head* “Haha ok buddy”

"There’s more to being ace than just not being interested in having sex or not feeling sexual attraction. In fact there’s a whole spectrum. You may even feel sexual attraction sometimes but still be ace. You can also be gay and ace at the same time.” “…bro.” “Also it’s totally normal.” *sobbing* “…bro. Bro there are words for it there’s an entire list oh my god-”


Friendship Comes First:  What (Good) Fanfiction Can Teach Us About the Romantic Subplot.

I love all forms of storytelling:  television, books, movies, you name it.  As long as it’s quality, its ripe for the picking.  

It’s so easy for me to become engrossed in the lives and psychologies of fictitious characters, to care for them as though they’re people I really know.  Which, on some metaphysical level, I suppose is true, but that’s a topic for another essay.

However, in the midst of all my possibly Asperger’s-fueled hyper-fixation and nerdery, there’s one inevitable aspect of seemingly every plot to which I will almost always role my eyes and click the fast-forward button:  the goddamned romantic subplot.

So many times have I seen the exact same variation of romantic love between fifty homogeneous couples, and each time, I failed to see the appeal:  in books, the smirking, obnoxious male love interest will woo the object of his desire through flagrant disrespect, the same toned bodies will copulate furiously on my television screens (typically at the exact same moment my parents or small siblings will walk into the room), the same vapid, flirtatious stares and generic dialogue will be exchanged. 

But where’s the basis for it?  Yes, these people are stressed to be attracted to one another to the point of obnoxiousness, but do they even like each other as individuals?  Are they even friends?  Is there any three-dimensionality to their relationship besides sizing each other up and deciding to bump uglies? 

Simply and also sadly, the answer is very rarely.  And so, it seemed to me that romance was not my cup of tea, both in the fictitious world and out of it.  Or so it seemed.  

Because it was then, at approximately seventeen, that I discovered a remarkable phenomenon that would change my life forever:  fanfiction.  

Never before had I been so enraptured in the relationships of fictional characters, and I was baffled as to why.  Yes, I’ve read a tremendous deal of fanfiction that is, in fact, book quality, but as an avid bibliophile, I was perplexed as to why I’d never been so captivated by the romantic endeavors of a published author as I was by the passion-projects of writers not much older than I was.     

After a lot of time, careful consideration, and the illuminating words of some of my fellow bloggers, however, I believe I can finally put words as to why. 

1.  Give your characters a narrative purpose (besides being The Love Interest.) 

Do you ever wonder what inspires Supernatural fans to tirelessly churn out fics about their favorite human-on-angel pairing?  I have, and this is someone who’s a proud proponent of the stuff.  

The sheer magnitude of free literature available, constantly repositing the pair in all manor of situations and walks of life, is absolutely baffling, and undeniably impressive.  Indeed, some of the best works of romantic literature – and yes, I do consider fanfiction to be a form of literature – I have ever come across were starring none other than this specific pairing:  from the infamous Twist and Shout (which I don’t recommend if you ever want to listen to Elvis Presley music, visit a beach, or feel joy ever again) to the charming Have Love, Will Travel (probably my personal favorite), some truly beautiful love stories have blossomed from a pairing that has never even been confirmed onscreen to have romantic connotations.  

Perhaps just as baffling is the other end of the spectrum:  Lisa Braeden.  Lisa, for those unfamiliar, is basically posited as the love of Dean’s life, with whom he lived for a year before being forced to give up his dream of a family life and return to full-time demon busting.  They’ve canonically kissed, had sex, shared a bed, and everything typically associated with an onscreen couple.    

Yet comparatively no fanworks exist about them.  When Lisa does appear in a fic, she is usual Castiel’s rival for Dean’s affections, or simply a hapless bystander. 

Why is this?  Well, a disillusioned observer might point to straight women’s apparent predilection towards fetishizing male homosexuality (I, for the record, am not straight myself;  I’m a proud bisexual who, thus far, has only dated women.)  I’m inclined to retort that this isn’t giving female fans nearly enough credit. 

For starters, remove all context from each relationship and examine them with a critical eye:  on the one hand, you have Castiel, Dean’s angelic savior from forty years in perdition.  Castiel is clearly fascinated with Dean, appearing in his bedroom, somewhat suggestively (advertently or otherwise) inquiring about his dreams, watching him sleep, routinely invading his personal space, and ultimately rebelling against heaven in accordance with Dean’s wishes. 

On the other hand, you have Lisa, a perfectly nice character who’s introduced as “the bendiest weekend of (Dean’s) life” and…well, that’s about it.  She’s later shown as a sort of amalgamation of Dean’s subconscious desire for a mother figure and normal life, but she, as a character, remains somewhat underdeveloped and hollow. 

You can’t expect fans to hold the two relationships to the same caliber and then cry internalized misogyny and fetishization of gay and bisexual men when they don’t.

The fact of the matter is, onscreen “friendships” are typically much more developed, much more three-dimensional, and much more ideal of what a truly epic romantic plot should be.  A character with a clear place in the narrative and three dimensional characterization all their own will almost always be more charismatic than a character who’s introduced as exclusively The Love Interest.  

This is not to say that what makes fanfiction so great is that it sexualizes or romanticizes friendship.  In fact, I’m inclined to believe it’s the other way around.  

Which brings me to my next point…

2.  Make sure your characters are friends.

It’s a romance for the ages.  A love like no other.  They’re soulmates, yin and yang, a match made in the stars.

But do they enjoy each other’s company?  Laugh at each other’s jokes?  Take part in each other’s interests?  Are they even friends?  

The sad fact of the matter is, romance and erotica are, as a whole, starved for values of friendship and camaraderie. 

This is something I realized only after my love of fanfiction took root, when I tried to return to my normal sources of adult entertainment (romance, erotica, and porn) and found them, by comparison, almost bafflingly lacking in warmth and camaraderie.  

What I think makes fanfiction so addictive is the fact that it’s built upon the established relationships of two or more characters (the Onceler and company notwithstanding) who, typically, care for one another as friends and compatriots.  

Look at some of the internet’s favorite pairings:  Dean Winchester and Castiel remain a classic.  Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers are always crowd-pleasers.  Kara Denvers and Lena Luthor are seeing a rise in popularity.  We all know Sherlock has somewhat fallen from grace, but the union of its two main characters still retains a devoted following.

This is no accident:  despite lacking onscreen confirmation, these characters have proven themselves to care for one another as more than objects of their sexual desire.  They’re friends, with relationships based in loyalty and warmth that are, unfortunately, sorely lacking in typical fictional romances.  

Once you get a taste of this brand of friendship-infused romance, in fanfiction or otherwise, it’s hard to go back.  

This isn’t just limited to quote-unquote “fanon” couples, either:  couples such as Mulder and Scully, Bones and Booth, Yuuri and Victor, and Ladybug and Chat Noir can all attribute their popularity to this strong basis in friendship, camaraderie, and mutual respect.

This is also the leading cause as to why the formerly booming 50 Shades franchise, and other arguably sexist, abusive dynamics, are struggling at the box office.  

Which reminds me… 

3.  Make sure your characters are equals. 

Unless you’re writing a Lolita-esque social commentary, it’s probably your best bet to keep your characters on fairly equal ground. 

I mean this in every sense of the word, too:  I have a difficult time getting invested in a romance when there’s a pretty blatant power imbalance, which oftentimes occurs due to the implicit sexism of the entertainment industry.

Disproportionately young actresses are assigned as love interests to much older men, such as Emma Watson’s twenty-something-year-old character lusting over a man almost twenty years her senior in Irrational Man.  

Physically mediocre or average-looking male characters are frequently pared with stunningly beautiful women who like them because they’re “nice,” fueling the existing mentality of all self-proclaimed “nice guys” who think society owes them a hot girl.

Furthermore, @popculturedetective just released an amazing video explaining the “Born Sexy Yesterday” trope, in which hopelessly naive, beautiful women are seen swooning over their more savvy male lovers.  (Found here:

I love Splash and the Fifth Element as much as anybody, but both films incorporate all these tropes in ample proportions, and it’s frankly ridiculous. (On the topic of Splash, however, I’m greatly looking forward to a subversion of this trope in its remake, starring Channing Tatum as the titular merman and Julianne Belle as his human love interest.) 

On the other hand, you have fanfiction.  I’ve read numerous essays professing that fanfiction is becoming increasingly popular due to the fact that same-sex relationships tend to be implicitly devoid of these sex-based imbalances, and I’m inclined to agree.  

However, I’ve read others stating that male-male pairings tend to be so popular because male characters are typically more well-developed by writers, making it perfectly understandable that fans would be more invested in a possible romance between two characters of equal multidimensionality (see point 1) than one that is sorrowfully underdeveloped.  I’m inclined to think that this theory is even more on point.   

Because look at some of the successful onscreen relationships I listed prior:  we root for Bones and Booth’s inevitable union the same way we swoon over slowburn fanfiction, delighting in Mulder and Scully’s banter and craving their interaction.  

These are, in my opinion, some examples of straight couples done right, because they’re portrayed as friends (see the previous point), and just as importantly, as equals.  

Last, but certainly not least, the male characters in both pairings are depicted as having nothing but respect for their female compatriots, depending on their intellectual know how and not being ashamed to say so. 

A more contemporary example that gets this wrong?  Well, not to offend any fans of the pairing, but Mon-El and Kara, a la Supergirl.  Mon-El was, at the beginnings of his arc, consistently disrespectful towards Kara, putting her down and insulting her in the very same episodes in which her female compatriot – Lena Luthor – is shown vocally admiring and praising her.  

Mon-El has since improved on his behavior, but the damage is done:  I still have a difficult time seeing him as a likeable character, much less a suitable love interest for my beloved Kara.   

These are just a few recommendations, based on the ways in which my somewhat obsessive love of transformative literature (i.e. good fanfiction) have helped me as a writer and helped me view the implicit problems with mainstream romance with a more discerning and critical eye.

Here, I could provide a counterpoint with the recurring problems I’ve noticed in fanfiction, or I could go into some recomendations for writing explicitly gay and lesbian relationships.  Both of these, however, are topics worthy of another essay.

Disclaimer:  I am assuming that any and all readers are trying for an enjoyable, healthy romantic subplot with equally charismatic, consenting, and likable characters.  Dysfunctionality can be just as interesting from a literary standpoint, but again, this is a topic for another essay.

There will be essays like this published at least once every other week, so be sure to follow my blog and stay tuned for future writing advice and observations! 

How to write young adult fantasy fiction that ignores PSTD

Fictional Character:  My village was slaughtered.

Fictional Character:  My parents died.          

Fictional Character: I saw the bodies.

Fictional Character: I was betrayed soon after by someone I considered a friend.

Fictional Character:  I was taken prisoner.

Fictional Character:  I fought monsters.

Fictional Character: *mourns when they set out on their journey from village*

Fictional Character:  *doesn’t grieve more than briefly after that*

Fictional Character: *doesn’t cry at random times*

Fictional Character:  *doesn’t become emotionally numb*

Fictional Character: *doesn’t flinch at things glimpsed out of the corner of their eyes*

Fictional Character: *has no paranoia about lurking dangers*

Fictional Character: *trusts companions*

Fictional Character: *only has fear of companions dying/disappearing when companions are actively in danger*

Fictional Character: *still feels normal sexual/romantic attraction, but nobly tries to suppress it because that is what they should do*

Fictional Character: *doesn’t mistake random people for dead people they knew unless sorcery/deception is involved*

Fictional Character: *doesn’t regress or become dependent*

Fictional Character: *doesn’t have panic attacks*

Fictional Character: *doesn’t freeze when violence occurs*

Fictional Character: *doesn’t have nightmares or nightmares used to get love interest to comfort character*

Fictional Character:  *experiences insomnia, but never to the point of hallucinating*

Fictional Character:  *does push themselves past the point of exhaustion repeatedly as a plot device to make companions have to express caring feelings*

Fictional Character: Survivor’s Guilt? Maybe on the odd occasion when I’m enjoying a really good meal or song or something. Because that would be Dramatic and prove I have Benevolent Feelings and deserve to be loved. Will I cry over warm unpleasant tasting water in a goatskin canteen because so-and-so will never taste water again? Probably not.

Fictional Character: *rare intrusive thoughts* *may interfere with The Plan*

Fictional Character: *walks confidently in city streets when they have never been to a city and have never seen more than hundred people together at any one time before* *doesn’t experience overwhelming sensory input* *doesn’t even get a headache*

Fictional Character: *goes to the royal court for the first time ever, doesn’t fail politics*

Fictional Character: Unexplained unreasonable emotions? I’m being manipulated by outside forces or my powers are emerging.

Fictional Character: *when the subject of loss comes up, expresses righteous outrage*

Fictional Character: It was the worst experience of my life. It changed me forever. I shall never forget.

Fictional Character: *for a whole chapter, doesn’t refer to their loss or grief at all, not even in private thoughts*

Author: PSTD is only for minor disposable characters, not main characters.

Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - June 16th, 2017

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! They are posted in the order I read them.

Oh and I’m wicked behind in my reading!! So if I tagged your post #can’t wait to read and you don’t see here, I will still read - I’m just REALLY behind  - such a first world problem!

Summer House multi-chapter by @laurabelle2930 - Oliver Queen has been missing for two years. On the eve of his 2nd anniversary the local paper with the families consent has decided to run a memorial article since one was never done when he first went missing. Sara Lance was assigned the story at first but know the paper’s hotshot reporter Felicity Smoak has been assigned the story. Felicity must now put her personal feelings aside as she searches for the truth to Oliver Queen’s disappearance.

Untitled by @effie214 - post 5x23 Thea’s POV Olicity after safe return from island

Girl of My Dreams multi-chapter by @tdgal1 and @c0bra5nak3 - Oliver Queen, CEO of Queen Consolidated, meets IT specialist Felicity Smoak.   Playboy turns boyfriend as he dates and falls in love with this amazing woman.  But everything is not perfect and the couple will find that they must face some obstacles together.

Time for a Story multi-chapter by @smkkbert - This fic shows Olicity and their life as a (married) couple with family. Although Olicity (and their kids) are the protagonists, other characters of Arrow and Flash make appearances. - I really cannot tell you how much joy and happiness this story brings to my life DAILY. I’m almost caught up and will be at a loss waiting fro the next AMAZING chapter!!

Keep it Professional multi-chapter by @mogirl97 - Oliver is assigned to be Felicity’s bodyguard

You Had Me at Hello by @tdgal1 - Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak met at a Gala and had an instant attraction but Smoak Technologies and Queen Consolidated have to work together.  Can they make that sexual chemistry work and still work together.

You Call it Madness by @smoaking-greenarrow - Cupid’s Arrow strikes the Green Arrow and there are unintended consequences

When I’m With You - How To Fall In Love multi-chapter by @sentence-fragments - ARROW AU - Felicity is a Merlyn. When she was only five years-old, her father dropped her off to live with the Queens. She had expected it to be a few days, but those days turned into weeks, into months and into years. This is the story of her friendship with Oliver, her struggle to find a purpose in life, and her life with an absent father. (Part 1 of the ‘When I’m WIth You’-Series)

I Will Always Trust You @felicityollies - A collection of oneshots for Olicity Hiatus Fic-A-Thon 2017. 01. Summer Vacation - Cabin in the Woods (smut) 02. Eye Contact - More than Words (smut) 03. Taste - Sunshine in a Pretty Blonde Bottle (vampire au / smut)

Summer Vacation by @dmichellewrites - Oliver and Felicity actually have some time off from Team Arrow business. It’s everything Oliver has ever wanted from quiet date nights to trips back home and more. The Queens, their friends, and family have a fantastic summer vacation after escaping Lian Yu.

The Way He Looks at You by McDrama - My entry for the Olicity hiatus Week two prompt: Eye contact This is something completely AU I just started writing and this is the result. Oliver is a hired gun living two lives and one day during his daily routine he meets a blonde whirlwind at the coffee shop, as their eyes locked he felt like seeing light for the first time in ten years.

Tastes Like Pure Joy by @wherethereissmoak - Felicity almost has her school paid off - and her last night as a live-donor at a vampire restaurant will settle her debt. But her encounter with client Oliver Queen was anything but the quick and easy feed either of them was expecting.

The Bond multi-chapter by @green-arrows-of-karamel - On Earth-837, a world so alike and yet so different from ours, people bond with their soulmates through a single gaze into each other’s eyes. Oliver Queen has not found his mate yet, and he fears that he never will. But one night, he meets a woman with sapphire eyes and their life changes forever. (Fulfilling OHFAT week 2 prompt: Eye Contact)

Normality by @cruzrogue - Oliver and Felicity just having a normal day by their standards. Olicity hiatus fiction prompt: Eye Contact.

Most Secrets Come With a Price by @diggo26 - Oliver Queen wants to get his life back in order. He seeks out an old friend, Felicity Smoak, believing she is the one person who can help him. With years passed and both having grown, will spending so much time together forever change their relationship? But not all is as it seems. When secrets, the past, family, and life, all start to unravel before him, can Oliver trust anyone?

Kiss Me by @laurabelle2930 - So this weeks prompt was Taste for the Olicity Hiatus fic-a-thon and as usual when you give me something like taste I can’t help but go down the smutty road. However this week I did so with an angel/demon trope.

What She Whispered by @beemichelle7 - Post 5x23 fic, so so wonderful!

To Make You Feel My Love multi-chapter by @smkkbert - One year after the Gambit went down, the incredible happens: Oliver is found alive and brought back to Starling City. All he wants is getting back to Felicity and Madeleine. Though Felicity welcomes him back with her arms wide open, Oliver struggles to find his place in the family. It seems like his place – at least in Mae’s heart – is already taken. And it doesn’t help that it’s his best friend Tommy who seems to have taken it. A MUST READ.

Checkout by @arrowgirl20 - Thea asks Oliver for a favor which leads to Oliver meeting a helpful blonde saleswoman.

When I’m With You - Withdrawal Symptoms multi-chapter by @sentence-fragments - Arrow AU - After finally becoming a couple, the worst possible thing you can imagine happens to Felicity Merlyn. Her other half is gone and she has to find a way to live without him. Or does she? This is Felicity’s journey to finding herself after Oliver is gone and the decisions she has to make in her quest to find him. (part 2 of the 'When I’m With You’-series)

Summer Vacation by @thearrowandhisgirlwednesday - Summer vacation prompt for Olicity Hiatus Fic-a-thon - so sweet!

Taste by @diggo26 - Summary: Oliver gets a very nice and surprising mid-sleep wake up.

Somethings are Meant to Be by @pimsiepim - sequel to His Girl Wednesday which you REALLY NEED in your life if you missed read here: Set after Oliver returns to Star City after being missing for 3 years, it is shaping up to be just as awesome as His Girl Wednesday

Olicity: Coming Home by @ghostfoxlovely - Dialogue prompt #102: “Are you done bleeding yet?”

Olicity: Raise Your Glass by @ghostfoxlovely - Dialogue prompt: “I’m going to need a lot of alcohol.”

Untitled by @ghostfoxlovely - Prompt: Honey, you just got out of surgery

Olicity: Fall Into You by @ghostfoxlovely - Dialogue prompt: “How did you even get up there?”

Untitled by @ghostfoxlovely - Prompt: Honey, the doctor says you can’t have caffeine

Liked the Deserts Missed the Rain by @almondblossomme - Felicity’s thoughts after that slip up in the lair - SO SO WONDERFUL!

Dinner with the Chef by @bitchwhwifi - They meet at the grocery store and argue about pasta.

I Could Use a Drink by LIngall - Felicity joins the Team in the bunker to share some exciting news. Too bad she missed out on the first round of the celebration. OTA toasts to Felicity’s new venture. Later, our favorite couple continues to get closer and Oliver shares a memorable story from his time away from Star City.

Drunk Felicity by @ilovefelicitysmoaks - Prompt: Drunk Felicity when her and Oliver aren’t together

The Daughter, The Closet and The Wardrobe by @olicitydaydream - “Can we maybe get back to the conversation we were having, where you were explaining to me that you got called down to our daughter’s school today because she was caught skipping class to make out with a boy in a closet?!”

Pieces of Always multi-chapter by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34 - Life continues after Forever is Composed of Nows. Ongoing non-linear collection of family moments for the Queens.

Return to Me multi-chapter by @diggo26 - What would you do if you woke up tomorrow with the last 5 years of your memories gone? After an unfortunate accident, Oliver Queen must figure out his place in a life he has no memory of whilst his wife, Felicity, does everything she can to support him. With emotions, secrets and relationships pushed to the limits; will love and friendship be enough to turn back the hands of time?

As Easy As Falling multi-chapter by @charlinert - Felicity has just received tragic news when she meets Oliver, I believe there is hope, highly recommend but you will cry but not every chapter!

See Beneath multi-chapter by @someonesaidcake - Fantastic, hot story of Olicity meeting on a cruise but of course it’s not all smooth sailing

Blue Eyed Angel: Taste by @tdgal1 - Oliver is determined to win Felicity over.  This is for the Olicity Hiatus Ficathon but the wonderful @thebookjumper  and the prompt is taste.

Some Fairytale Bliss by @callistawolf - Written for the Olicity Hiatus Fic-a-thon, this is the week 3 prompt: Taste. The team lands in Star City and Oliver and Felicity are left alone… at last. Will they be too unsure to pick things up where they left off before?

Don’t Get Me Started on Ladders by LIngall - We catch back up with Oliver and Felicity as they return from Lian Yu along with Thea, Samantha and William.  Everyone settles in for the night at the loft, but Felicity wants to finish cleaning up the remains of  Oliver’s recent birthday party. We all know Oliver is a light sleeper. This story assumes that Felicity is not very good with ladders – of any kind, and that Oliver will come to her rescue – no matter what.

Definitely, Love by @leonie1988 - To say she was a vision of beauty and grace would have been unworthy to describe her sheer perfection.

Mayor Queen Triumphs in Celebrity Chef Competition by @xblondepiratesopheeex - Article on Mayor Oliver Queen winning a celebrity chef competition.

How Do You Get Bloodstains Off by @oneofakindxx - Olicity dinner date conversation

Killer Frost Smoak multi-chapter by @tdgal1 - Felicity is with Barry during the particle accelerator and becomes Killer Frost.  How does she handle this and does she tell Oliver?

Bonds That Can’t Be Broken multi-chapter by @wherethereissmoak - Felicity goes off her meds to enjoy one heat with a random stranger after her graduation before settling down to focus on her career. On the drunken night out in Vegas, she finds an Alpha and they have what she hopes is a one night stand. But the next morning, she wakes up with a bondmate bite and realizes she cannot remember many details of the night before. Oliver Queen knows that he bonded with a beautiful woman, but he has no idea who she was. The two try (and often fail) to move on with their life without hope of ever finding their mate, but does fate have other plans for them? And when they reunite, can they overcome all the forces of evil in their path to finally be together?

(Untitled) Masterpiece multi-chapter by @overwatch-smoak - He ignited a passion inside of her that she didn’t think she had. And when he proposed it was romantical and fantastical and so utterly beautiful. His creative soul called to her in the strangest ways. His career was really getting off the ground, and once he had the actual model of his angel, they were happy.

The Summer People multi-chapter by @olicitysmoaky - Genius IT girl, Felicity Smoak, takes a trip to the Hamptons to take care of her movie-star cousin’s kids for the summer and meets billionaire playboy Oliver Queen, who’s lost his way within QC and with his relationship with his father. Felicity’s disenchanted with her current life, too. She’s just left a job at Wayne Enterprises and attempting to regroup at the beach. Will these two help the other find themselves or will they remain lost in the disenchanting world of the wildly idle rich? ***Yay for Arrow in the Hamptons. Fluffy but has action and a bad guy. ;)

A is for Aerial by @smoakmonster -  Felicity is an amateur and struggling trapeze performer in Vegas. Slowly but surely, her new partner Oliver teaches her how to overcome her fears, both on and off the stage.            

Keep reading

corosays  asked:

hello! I'm really glad to find your blog because it helps me a lot to get through many things for my future project! I also wanna know if you maybe can help me, bcs the world of my project is just like our own Earth, but there are monsters and people who can control elements like air, fire, etc. I'm still confused on how to make the world seems realistic and relatable to the readers, I wonder if you can help me? and I'm not a native English speaker, sorry if there is any mistake. thank you!

Hello, love!  Your English is great 👍  And thank you for following!

That sounds like a really cool universe :)  I strongly relate to your struggle with relatability – I tend to make my worlds complex and a bit inaccessible to readers.  And that’s the kind of problem that, when you look at it as a whole, feels pretty overwhelming.  That’s why I break it down into three different areas…

The Three C’s of Relatable Stories

In general, there are three big parts of your story that you’ll need your characters to understand and, on some level, relate to.  While your fictional universe should be unique and different from our real world – especially the more removed it is from real-life science and society – there should be a few common threads that your readers can see and think, “Oh, that’s just like real life!”  Examine your story in the following three areas:

1. Culture

This is the topic I’ll discuss most, so I put it first.  Your story’s culture is, for some readers (including myself), one of the most immersive and exciting aspects of your fictional universe.  Everything that creates your society – architecture, art, history, education, food, fashion, sports, politics, religion, medicine, community, major moral beliefs and conflicts – will shape how your readers experience your story.  Interesting fictional culture also promotes fanfiction, cosplay, and strong fandom ties that enable you to write sequels/spin-offs (J.K. Rowling is living off how strong her fictional culture was).

Because we want our cultures to be so unique and entertaining, though, many writers make the mistake of creating cultures too exotic or fantastical to reach readers.  But there are certain “human” parts of culture that reappear no matter what universe you’re in, so make sure your story has at least a few of the following:

  • Games.  Even wild animals, who have nothing to do with our society, play games with each other in real life – so unless fun and games are strictly outlawed in your universe, you should probably have some.  Games aren’t necessarily going to mirror ours; after all, we have board games, card games, video games, arcade games, sports games, drinking games, and games that don’t require supplies (guessing games, tag, hide-and-seek, charades, I-Spy etc.).  Different games are more appropriate for different ages – some are associated with certain genders, certain events, or certain environments.  Develop some of your own games, and maybe use some that mimic real games (with different names, of course).
  • Food.  Food isn’t just something we eat – it’s a culture.  Food culture = answering questions like:

Where do people of [lower/middle/upper] classes eat?

What sort of events are tied to food? (e.g. Thanksgiving, harvest festivals, etc.)

Are there special foods or meals for special occasions?

What do children eat in schools?

How difficult is it to get organic ingredients?

What is weight culture like?  In other words, are people viewed as more healthy when they eat more/less?  What figure is considered normal or attractive?  Do people diet?

  • Sports.  No matter where you live on planet earth, there’s generally some kind of sports culture – some sports are more dominant in some places than others (think about the U.S.’s relationship to soccer vs. everywhere else).  Some cultures use sports as a social activity for their kids, while others cultivate serious sports practice from childhood.  Certain sports are environmentally more relevant to certain places (which is why Canadians are so damn good at the winter Olympics).  Some sports are more violent than others – and each one has certain values: strength, speed, stamina, reflexes, agility, artistry, precision, rhythm, teamwork, or strategy.  Assess your fictional region’s values and develop sports culture that mirror said values.
  • Politics.  Every type of government comes with its own benefits, challenges, and conflicts.  Issues of allocating funds, handling corruption, checks and balances, legal rulings, outdated laws, controversial leaders, foreign relations, taxes, inequality, nature conservation, church vs. state, overpopulation – many of these problems will likely exist in your universe, in some form or another.  Pick and choose what political conflicts you’ll share with readers, and think about how they relate to and reflect in your fictional society.
  • Theology.  Decide on the majority worldview/s (theism, deism, naturalism, nihilism, pantheism, new age, post-modernism, etc. – although these worldviews shouldn’t be mentioned by name in your work) of your universe.  Read about these worldviews and how they shape society’s morals, legal system, government, interpersonal relationships, parenting, and environmentalism.  Create characters who align with the majority, and characters who contrast with the majority – thus creating conflicts that are very familiar to us.  This doesn’t mean your story has to become a religious or political commentary, of course!  But these belief systems have effects on every aspect of life, including life-or-death situations, romantic entanglements, and day-to-day affairs like work, money, and school.

2. Characters

Arguably the most important aspect of relatability, your characters are the driving force of empathy and comfort for your readers.  Although your characters will have some level of difference from real people (especially if your genre is fantasy/supernatural), there are a few common things that your characters should more than likely have:

  • Desires.  Everyone everywhere has desires, both attainable and unattainable, that drive them through every action.  There are large-scale desires – dream colleges, dream jobs, dream power, dream relationships – and small-scale desires – to help someone through a hard time, to make money, to eat right, to be a patient person – and even unknown desires – answers, fulfillment, guidance, the “right thing”, passion – all of which will exist in each character simultaneously.  Decide what your character wants, and you’ve already got multiple platforms for relatability.
  • Weaknesses.  Where there are desires, there are weaknesses that get in the way of those desires – and that’s usually the best way to find them.  What gets in the way of what they want?  Look at the Seven Deadly Sins; look at your own flaws, and the flaws that annoy you the most in others, and the flaws you don’t mind in others.  If your character, for example, wants to become famous on Broadway… what makes it a challenge?  Does she have social anxiety?  Is she impatient?  Does she struggle with her responsibilities?  Does she struggle with internalized discrimination?  What makes her dream personally, circumstantially, or socially unattainable?
  • Self-image.  So they’ve got their desires, and the weaknesses that keep them from those desires, so the real question is: how do they see themselves?  Do they focus on their failures or their successes?  Do they see their dreams as attainable or impossible?  Do they make steps to better themselves or do they feel comfortable with who they are now?  Do they absorb other people’s opinions of them, or reject those opinions?  Self-image is almost more relevant to a character’s story than their actual image, because this directs a lot of how they behave, how they struggle, and most importantly, how they narrate their own story.
  • Sins.  Bad habits, conscious choices, past sins – the sins they don’t even know are sins – these things are the ultimate stuff of relatability.  When someone reads your book and sees a character who shares their struggles, they won’t put the book down.  Don’t be afraid to let your character do bad things.  Don’t try to make them lovable angelic cinnamon rolls who do no harm.  Let them do things that make your readers cringe because damn it, she’s yelling at the people she loves again – stop pushing them away!  This will keep readers involved and allow them to feel your character’s failures as if they were their own.
  • Humor.  Everybody’s got a sense of humor – even those dumbass middle school boys who joke about sexual experiences they’ve never had.  Everyone has their own type of humor based on the kind of people they live with and the TV shows they watch and the experiences they’ve had.  Writing humor, however, can feel less natural – because there’s this pressure to make everybody laugh.  Don’t worry about that.  Just give your characters their own senses of humor, and someone will find it relatable.
  • Love.  Even villains have love to give.  Every person, and therefore every character – from every background and every trauma and every bad relationship and bad childhood – has love in their heart, as cheesy as that sounds.  They have love they want to give to people (sometimes a particular person) and love they want to receive, and different methods of expressing their love (see: The Five Love Languages) to others.  They have love for themselves, too, and conditions on which they’ll treat themselves with love.  Determine their potential for loving themselves, for loving others – both platonically and romantically – and for unconditional love.  Then allow this to grow over the course of the story, and you’ll have a character arc everyone can appreciate.

3. Conflict

Here is a post I’ve written discussing 4/5 of the main types of conflict, which are:

  • Man vs. Man
  • Man vs. Nature
  • Man vs. Society
  • Man vs. Self
  • Man vs. Technology/Supernatural

The reason these categories of conflict are so popular is because they’re the same conflicts we face in day-to-day life.  The fight over territory with your roommate = Man vs. Man.  Trying to find your car in the rain = Man vs. Nature.  Making the same New Year’s resolution for the third year in a row = Man vs. Self.  So identify these conflicts in your story, both large-scale and small-scale.  Both are important, but the personal conflicts – the ones that most affect your characters, like their resolutions or their roommate, or the killer beast that’s trying to eat them or the A.I. that’s taken control of their spaceship – will give your story stakes that, on their basest level, your readers will understand.

That’s my only real advice for you, since this is something I also struggle to manage – but I hope some of this makes sense for you and your story.  If you have any further questions, hit me up and I’ll try to get back to you way sooner.  Good luck!

If you need advice on general writing or fanfiction, you should maybe ask me!

Animes with a large yaoi fandom that are NOT yaoi/BL~

UPDATE: To the idiots who are actually flaming me, how cliche and illiterate can you get, it’s hilarious. 

I’m probably going to lose a shit ton of followers and get a lot of hate on especially on a bishies blog like this, but I’ve been thinking of making a post like this for a while and frankly, need to let this out of my chest. 


So to my disturbance but unsurprisingly, I noticed a lot of people who like anime, but have not seen the following animes I am about to list, thought they were shounen-ai, boys love or yaoi. Because of that, a lot of people avert from them dismissing the animes off as pure fanservice for crazy fangirls. 
I understand this because I was and still am one of those people who stayed away. 

But after having the pleasure of diving into actually watching/reading Kuroshitsuji, Durarara!!, Hunter x Hunter, K-Project, etc. you start realizing how damn deep these works of fiction are and you really enjoy the characters and plot once you zone out the fandoms. 

There is no yaoi or BL whatsoever and any fanservice added is simply added in the anime and is in no way canon to the original work, manga.

I won’t be mentioning sports animes or reverse harems cause they’re full of guys, the fandom is bound to be crazy over that so I’ve given up hope. 

Basically, I just want to be a bitch and crush fangirly dreams so this post is pretty much me proving to newcomers why these animes are not yaoi and the men are not ‘gay.’

Okay, if you hate this already, stop here, backspace, block me, whatever. If you agree, carry on.

If you do happen to carry on but don’t agree, DO NOT attempt to argue or fight with me on this. Sorry to say, but I’m not really that open-minded and I stand firm on my beliefs here so if you don’t agree, then don’t ever socialize with me. Everyone is happy. We’re good.


Let’s start with Durarara!!

Let’s start with the most popular and raging ship in that fandom. Shizaya.
Shizuo and Izaya have been confirmed that they feel only hate and dislike towards each other. They literally want to get rid of each other. That’s it. And somehow, that is interpreted as ‘love’ by fangirls. 
In any case, the author already answered that Izaya was ‘normal’ and that he ‘has his needs.’ In Japan, that equates to being a healthy, heterosexual male who has normal sexual urges now and then. 

Despite claiming to love all of humanity, Izaya does flirt with women a lot and even said how he wants to date one or a few of them when they threatened to kill him. 

Shizuo used to have a crush on an older woman who sold him milk. He was originally supposed to be paired up with Namie by the author. He is also ship teased with Vorona and she to him.

Never had Shizuo shown any interest in men. 


Now on to K-Project. 

Reisi has been canonically ship teased with Seri. Seri has been revealed to harbor a bit of a crush on him. 
Reisi has no other feelings towards Mikoto other than wanting him to take responsibilities as King and a comrade. Mikoto is 100% indifferent to everything aside from his clan and family. 

Yukari Mishakuji is beautiful. He talks femininely, use makeup and skin care products. He paints his nails and is obsessed with everything beautiful.

He also said that he would only date Nagare Hisui IF he was a girl. If that doesn’t not ring a bell, I don’t know what does. 


Let’s go on to the ever so famous Kuroshitsuji and its famous bullshit rumor about it being “supposed to be a yaoi.” 
A Japanese person runs a blog on this website responsible for translating Yana Toboso’s blog. 
She has already confirmed that literally, no one in Japan including the author herself know anything about that made up rumor. As time went by, the rumors only got worse to the point that even non-shippers believe it (like I stupidly did in the past)

Both Yana and her editor already said too many times that Sebastian and Ciel feel nothing for each other aside from business, hostility and distrust. Let’s also add that Yana had GFantasy publish Kuroshitsuji. A company that strictly prohibits yaoi and BL of any form.  

Ciel throughout the manga and especially in the latest chapters had only shown concern and love towards Elizabeth Midford. Ciel, a cold-hearted child obsessed with revenge was legitimately about to throw his life on the line when Lizzy was in danger during the Campania arc. 

Whether this can be interpreted romantically or platonically on Ciel’s part is more ambiguous, but there is no doubt that the two care greatly about each other. 

If Sebastian really had ‘feelings’ for Ciel like so many fangirls like to believe, he would definitely do everything in his OP demonic power to get rid of Lizzy and have Ciel for himself.

Instead, he actively teases Ciel and respects Lizzy as well as support their fiancee relationship. Any ‘feelings’ he has towards Ciel is that of a predator and his dinner. 
Sebastian also has a lot of fun interrogating women in certain, special ways. Something he has never shown interest in doing with men. 


Finally, Hunter x Hunter.

Ever since a shounen like HxH attracted female viewers, no doubt because of the generous amount of bishounens on there (Hisoka, Killua, Illumi, Chrollo, etc,) the yaoi fandom now dominates the place and Killua and Gon became the most popular ship.
Even more than canon ones like Meruem and Komugi. 

I have run across people who even said that Killua and Gon are canon and that there can be nothing to challenge that. (apparently fangirls think they own shit now)

Killua had said countlessly that Gon was his “dear friend.” To anyone with common sense, a friend is not the same thing as a lover lol. There is nothing between the two little boys aside from a beautiful friendship that often occurs between children and adolescents even if a website like tumblr might find this shocking.

Let’s finish this with Hisoka, a character that has much controversy recently regarding his sexuality ever since certain people including I headcanoned him heterosexual cause we can.
But because of that one simply headcanon, people I personally knew and I were attacked, harassed, badmouthed and mocked. 

Until Togashi or Ishida confirms anything, Hisoka is left ambiguous. 
That does not mean that we cannot analyze canon evidence however.

When it comes to every single male character in HxH (including Illumi and Chrollo, the two male characters often shipped with Hisoka,) Hisoka has only expressed desire to fight and eventually kill them. This stretched down to Hisoka’s only ‘friend,’ Illumi. He has absolutely no problem killing Killua just to earn Illumi’s wrath to have the opportunity to kill him.

Hisoka’s interest in fighting Chrollo turned into 100% indifference when he learned the Phantom Troupe leader could not use nen courtesy of Kurapika.
Gon is just another toy he wants ripened to have the pleasure of killing.

The only person Hisoka is intimate with, tried to sleep with, get a date with, shared his past and his abilities with is to the beautiful female character Machi.
This extends to the latest chapter of 357 where he seemingly spared her at least temporarily out of respect.

Even when Machi threatened to chase him down to the ends of the world to eradicate him when he playfully makes her choose between him and Chrollo, he seemed satisfied with that.


For Shingeki no Kyojin, the most popular pairing in the Western fandom is Eren and Levi.
In the Japanese fandom, the most popular ship is Eren and Mikasa.

While I’m at it, SNK’s author answered in a Q&A that he purposely wrote Levi to have an attraction towards Petra Ral. 

And that ladies and gentlemen, concludes my throwing shade analysis of the above yaoi-dominated animes. 

(Also, I own none of the drawings used.)

Why I dislike The Fault in Our Stars

So, I’ve been getting a lot of asks over the last few months asking why I strongly dislike TFIOS by John Green as much as I do. And for the most part, all the recent askers have been surprisingly polite, considering the more aggressive ones I’ve received in the past on the subject. Anyway, I’ve answered a bunch of them separately, but I’ve decided to condense all of my theories, opinions and arguments into one succinct post.

Keep reading

Being demisexual: what it’s like for me

I grew up thinking it was normal and expected to attach emotionally before you attached sexually; I think my mother was demisexual as a younger woman (I’d say she’s evolved and become fully asexual now) which led me to believe it was normal, as I was fairly isolated and didn’t have much contact with people as friends until I was well past sexual maturity.  In college, to be precise, where I realized nearly everyone was very different from me in forming their sexual attractions.

As a demisexual, I usually only attach to people with sexual feelings one at a time, and it’s very sudden and usually extremely intense.  It can be agonizing– here is this person you’ve come to depend on as a friend and confidante.  Everything is fine.  Then one day you’re walking down the street and suddenly something triggers sexual attraction– a casual touch that activates sexual response, a chance word that makes me think that person might appreciate ME sexually, whatever.  BLIP– and then the whole relationship is set on its ear and is in serious jeopardy.  Invariably, for me the addition of the sexual component destroys the friendship in the long run.  I’ve tried to keep it quiet when I become attracted, but it just makes things worse when they fall apart.  

As a demisexual bisexual, I have lost female BFFs one after the other because all of a sudden after months/years I was suddenly sexually attracted to them and they were heterosexual and found it unacceptable.  

As a demisexual, my best successful friendships are with people I only see online because there’s much less chance of them triggering sexual response, I suppose– or maybe because they’re remote and the emotional attachment isn’t intense enough for me to become sexually responsive.

As a demisexual, I can’t form long-term meaningful friendships with men because they assume I’m romantically interested and snub me from day one, or because they think I’ll never become romantically interested and when I do, they begin to snub me.

As a demisexual, I don’t normally enjoy any form of porn with the exception of fan fiction (if I’m sexually attracted to one of the characters in the fanfiction, otherwise I get nothing out of it).  

As a demisexual, Tinder culture is absolutely baffling and foreign to me.  I can’t even envision myself texting someone once or twice, meeting up, and enjoying a sexual hookup, then wandering off into the blue, ready for the next one.  I can’t comprehend liking to do that.  I read an article about that culture in Cosmopolitan this week, linked to me by @irrealia, and was just… gobsmacked.  How do people do this thing?  Inconceivable.  In a way I’d love to be able to do this, because I have been all but celibate except for a couple of really awkward hookups when I was young and desperate, and I feel horribly lonely and touch-starved.  But my attraction doesn’t operate that way.  I would be repelled by sex with a relative stranger.

As a demisexual I am unaware of sexual dynamics in most relationships between others until someone points them out to me (aka hits me over the head with a clue stick).  

As a demisexual, I do not know how to flirt or signal my sexual availability to another person.  If I make an overt attempt to imitate the flirtations I’ve seen, I upset people because I’m being weird or awkward– to me, naturally demonstrating attraction is acting in way that friends normally act toward one another.

As a demisexual, I receive emails from friends with beefcake or cheesecake pictures in them, or links to sexy videos, and I’m expected to participate in a mutual lust-fest over the pictures.  I stare at these highly toned beautiful bodies or people having sex dully, without interest, going “please don’t send me more of these pictures; I don’t even know who that is.”

As a demisexual, I respond to personalities more than to bodies, looks, or clothing.  

As a demisexual, I enjoyed Obi-Wan Kenobi platonically for over a decade, aware of his sexual attractiveness only as an abstract, viewing Ewan McGregor and Alec Guinness as more or less equal in my esteem until one day I saw Ewan McGregor being sweet and empathic and vulnerable as himself in “Long Way ‘Round” and I suddenly emotionally attached to him and went “HOLY SHIT” and fell head over heels in love.

As a demisexual, I know that if Tom Hiddleston walked in here right now and stripped naked and said “Let’s do it,” I would have one of two responses:  either “I’d better take this chance because I’m never going to get laid again in my life and I know I should want him,” whereupon I would lie there under him feeling vastly uncomfortable, being unable to self-lubricate, and thinking “I could paint the ceiling beige, ugh, there’s a cobweb,” or I would respond “No thank you, Mr. Hiddleston, I know you are a sex god, but I’m unfortunately not interested in you sexually.  Could you invest several months in befriending me first, minimum, then let’s see what happens?”  Same thing for oh, say, Gal Gadot.

This is all just my personal experience, which I conflate in greater or lesser degrees to my demisexuality.  It’s by no means intended to be a statement that all or most demisexuals are like this.  All I know is that one day I saw the term “demisexual” and went and read about it and sat up like I’d been hit by lightning and said “THAT IS ME.”

anonymous asked:

do you think the books were bad at showing how much adam cared for ronan or do you think people are just bad at picking it up?

this is an interesting question and i’ve been turning it over. i think mostly the second part, but a dash of the first in a couple of specific ways. the sad truth is that, as society is right now, directly addressing characters’ non-straight sexualities is like… necessary in fiction. i’d love to see less stories about “but i’m a GIRL and she’s a GIRL oh no!!! what ever shall i do!! this is the only concern lgbt+ people ever have” and more stories about girlfriends/boyfriends fighting evil, accidentally inheriting a billion dollars, traveling to different realms, etc, but…… stief’s vision of a world where ~sexuality doesn’t matter~ is different from reality, and her choice not to address adam’s bisexuality head on lead a lot of stuff surrounding p*nch to be like: could adam POSSIBLY like ronan BACK? but he liked blue?????? 2+2 = 6? and i mean, i hate that this is true– picture me, A Bi, slapping myself in the face going “stop oppressing yourself”– but their dynamic throughout the series would have read as more obviously romantic if one of them were a girl. they’re deliberately placed together by the narrative (and like….by maggie obviously lol) throughout the series with a lot of important character moments hinging on one another, etc, but. unfortunately i was still kind of ?????? about some things because a) i wasn’t really involved in fandom and didn’t know until later stief had confirmed it as canon and b) i’ve been burned before and c) again, stuff about sexuality and representation in fiction, etc (i’m sorry anon my brain is fried)

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I've been identifying as aroace for a while now, because I've never felt sexually or romantically attracted by anyone. However, I occasionally get these MASSIVE crushes on characters (and not those played by actors, but drawn characters, mostly manga though sometimes videogames) to the point where I literally swoon and squeal over them. Is that normal?

Yeah, that’s normal. Fictional characters are popular for crushes, because they’re (usually) the abstract ideal of a person, and therefore almost tailor-made to have crushes on.

- Fae

On SebaCiel and other things

I am greatly surprised that nobody had written about this before. To be honest, I’m even more surprised at how some SebaCiel shippers simply take the blame when they are called pedophiles, rape apologists, and abuse supporters. So I thought it was time already to clarify some misconceptions that those antis have burned so strongly in their own minds.

Keep reading


Emma: “I’m making my specialty. Microwaved popcorn with milk duds mixed in to get all melty.”

Hey Anons,

if you know my blog a little bit, then I think you know that I agree with you and I think this might be a hint - or a coincidence, I’m not a popcorn fan, maybe it’s common? - and I am not assuming the worst. As I put in the tags, I think if it was a hint, it may have been a bit of an ill-conceived hint because…

Let’s see how to put it. The internet has played an enormous role for the queer community. It’s become so much safer to meet people without physically putting ourselves out there in spaces where we could become victims, because if we could find those spaces, then so could people who… want queer people dead or hurt. The internet has changed all that. It’s really been our safe space.

Now, what Once has done by queer coding Emma & Regina and putting in a lot of queer subtext, is sending out a bit of a bat signal for us to come online and find the fandom. For many people this has been a subconscious thing even, I think many picked up on it but only started to realize they were gay in this fandom. Now all of that isn’t bad, but I think the showrunners were unaware of this effect or the huge importance of the internet for us. This is where many of us make our lives, especially if you’re stuck in a small town, then online becomes social space where you are normal for a bit. It carries more weight in our lives than in straight people’s lives.

Even if they are going to confirm the romantic nature of Emma & Regina’s relationship in the end, the fact that they have sent out that signal without creating a safe and welcoming space for queer people from the very beginning is where they went wrong. They may just be teasing and playing coy and dropping hints in the same way they would for a straight slow burn, but it doesn’t translate the same way. It has translated into people thinking they were avoiding the subject because they wanted nothing to do with queer people and it resulted in bigots thinking the show is actively ashamed of their queer fanbase. Those people felt encouraged to bully us, call us delusional and send hate.

While you can’t blame them for society’s bigotry, you can blame them for putting plot secrecy - if that’s what it is - before real people. They could have responded more positively to the idea of Emma & Regina together. Could have helped to create a safe space. Could have sent out photos, mentioned them, had photos ops with both of them. Talked about it openly. The world is so straight-until-proven-queer people would still have assumed they weren’t gonna do it. Hell, I might have assumed they weren’t going to do it had the PR been more positive. Imagine all the young people who flocked to the ouat fandom because of the subtext would have instead seen an advertisement that called them to a real safe space instead? Or had been attracted to a show that treated them right instead? If you call us, you should take some responsibility.

They didn’t.

So what happened instead was that the queer community was forced to build its own safe space around the show. Fan fiction is a big part of that safe space and people here have been very protective of it. While I think that the writers have carved out this story between them, the community really is ours, they did very little against the bigotry and they enabled it - probably mostly out of ignorance. 

A big part of what makes Emma and Hook so painful and nauseating to watch is that they have taken elements from lesbian subculture - her outfits - and they have given her body language of a woman that if she were to walk down the street, you would identify as queer and then made her kiss a man. For years. Even if there’s a resolution, it leaves a bitter taste, especially because I think this is a cautionary tale for straight women. Using a queer character’s coming out in the very end is a message that says “Even if your sexuality is so extreme that it is the most unacceptable sexuality of them all - a lesbian, then you should still embrace yourself and accept it.” It’s not a story really written for queer women, it’s a story using a queer character to tell a story for everyone. The lesbian as the metaphor for everywoman who needs to accept her desires - repressed by years of Roman Catholic ideals forcing women to repress everything. That’s why you get years on end of relationships with men so everyone would be able to identify with her. It starts from the premise that a large part of the audience wouldn’t identify with a character if they knew from the start they weren’t straight - which isn’t necessarily untrue, but if that’s your starting point, you will always partly validate the homophobia behind that idea.

So to come back to taking from our fan fiction to give hints. We don’t just want Swan Queen. We wanted safety and positive messages from everyone involved. We had to create all that by ourselves. Fanfiction tells queer stories out in the open. It tells the stories that would be on television if the world were okay. It’s from our perspective and none of our fanfictions spend chapters on end on the men some of us choose to hide our sexuality with. That is part of the safe space we created, these are our real stories. So taking something from fan fiction and giving it to the couple that - quite frankly - symbolizes forcing a man on a lesbian, then it feels like they’re saying that we are never safe. Not even in the little bit of safe space we had to try and create for ourselves in response to the show after they put out a call that brought us here. 

So yes, even if they’d given it to Emma & Regina, people would still be angry, albeit maybe a little bit less, no? I just think it’s important to try and discern where the anger is coming from instead of telling a marginalized group that their feelings are wrong.

I still love this show because I have been doing a lot of research and I think the concepts are brilliant, but since I see so many people around me being angry, I am not going to be the one to police gut reactions. I think the showrunners should be aware of the effect of the messages they put out into the world. We are born queer, not any more educated or informed, so why would we have to earn our stories by digging for them?

Malik Ishtar isn’t Girly, or Gay

And other inflammatory titles, including: “Western Character Readings are neither Definitive, nor at times, Appropriate”. 

nb: This essay will make use of the term Marginalized Orientations, Gender identities, and Intersex, (hereinafter referred to as MOGAI) as an alternative to the word queer.

A fairly common description of Malik Ishtar, is that he is designed with effeminate, and MOGAI-encoded traits. This reading of his aesthetic, whilst not exclusive to the Western fandom, is exacerbated, and encouraged by a Western perspective of gender, sexuality, and encoding. 

Obviously, there is nothing wrong with approaching Yu-Gi-Oh! or Malik Ishtar as a Westerner, particularly as the series enjoyed a global release. In fact, it is natural to consider the impact of MOGAI-encoding on a Western audience. However, not analyzing the material within its native context (1) is short-sighted, and incredibly self-absorbed.

To state that Malik Ishtar is intended (2) to be read as feminine, or gay, applies this Western reading without remembering this. Instead, Malik’s design clearly draws on a Bishōnen (美少年, lit. beautiful young man) aesthetic. Although Bishōnen does indeed have roots in homosexuality, and femininity, the modern use of the aesthetic is realized as a form of idealized youth, transient bisexuality, and gender-neutral androgyny. 

Initially, this description of Bishōnen may seem very similar to the Westernized “camp” aesthetic. Indeed, Bishōnen includes elements of MOGAI-encoding, but where the Westernized trope has effeminate elements deriving from sexuality, the Bishōnen trope derives androgyny, and bisexuality from age. Further, where the Westernized “camp” is used to portray MOGAI characters, often via negative parody, Bishōnen are considered highly desirable to women.

Indeed, they are described as highly desirable to everyone. It is an aesthetic intended to appear as neither masculine, nor feminine, and to be transcendently attractive. In this regard, Bishōnen most closely resemble the Western depiction of angels (gender-neutral, and beautiful to everyone) more than Western depictions of MOGAI individuals.

What a sweet angel - hah! 

Moving on, Bishōnen as an aesthetic is seen as appealing, and is emulated by Idols, Visual Kei artists, and many Japanese Youth in order to become more attractive, especially to women. It is not specifically an aesthetic favoured by the Japanese MOGAI community, and indeed, the homosexual male community distinctly disfavours it.

However, due to its popularity with young women, within the Shōnen genre, it is specifically used to appeal to a female readership. This is different to being a Shōjo, or Yaoi/BL genre, in that Bishōnen are used - again, to appeal to the female readership - but also feature in romantic storylines, involving either young women, or young men. When used in Shōnen, it diversifies reader appeal aesthetically, rather than narratively.

Although there is still an implication of bisexuality, Malik is primarily designed as incredibly attractive. Importantly, the bisexuality disclosed by the trope is specific to age - basically, same-gender romantic tension is acceptable, as something practiced by children, and teenagers.

Arguably the design-shift between the Battle City arc, and Millennium World arc is heightened masculinity. From a Western Perspective, he has lost many of his feminine, and thus MOGAI-encoded traits. However, in the context of Bishōnen, Malik has retained the elegance, and prettiness that qualify him as beautiful (bi, 美) and grown away from youthful androgyny. The implication is not that his heel-face-turn has “straightened” him out, but that it has matured him from a beautiful boy, into a beautiful man (biseinen, 美青年).

Of course, this does carry the connotation that he will eventually grow out of his “childish” bisexuality. There is still a MOGAIphobic element, however it was not deliberately invoked, and is instead a facet of a larger cultural attitude. This does not make it less offensive, but it does make it less implicit. In case it is unclear to any readers, people do not grow up and magically become straight, and the implication that they do is offensive.

In conclusion, Malik Ishtar’s aesthetic is not coded as “girly”, or “gay”, but instead as ambivalent in sexuality, and androgynous in presentation – and above-all, excessively young, and attractive

And maybe if Malik is hot as hell, and strips a bit in the anime, then more girls will watch YGO. It worked, didn’t it?

Although a Western audience will always bring their own expectations, tropes and encoding to analysis, it is important to never assume that one’s own perspective is more important, or accurate. To make that assumption is flatly offensive in this context.

Regardless of Malik Ishtar’s aesthetic informing the audience that he is androgynous, and bisexual, please don’t forget that presentation does not equal sexuality, or identity. 


(1) As a sidenote, don’t forget, there is a strong cultural divide between Japanese media or entertainment, and Japanese society. There is an understanding that deviations permitted in the context of entertainment isn’t normally permissible, and is not inherently real. As Malik Ishtar is a fictional character, societal oppression does not apply to him in the same way, or intensity as it it would, if he was a real person.

(2) Additionally, it is vital to understand that the design of a character does not exist in a vacuum. Although Malik Ishtar may have character reasons for his presentation, he is not a real person, and therefore lacks autonomy over his appearance. Instead, his appearance is dictated by his creator, and his creator’s motivations.

Therefore, it remains offensive to presume that the sexuality and gender identity of real people can be determined by their presentation. Although presentation may be dissected from a design standpoint, to argue a character, or real person identifies in certain ways, based purely on their appearance is potentially problematic.

Otayuri: the Legality and Morality

A three-page essay on the defense of Otayuri, including points from both the legal and moral perspectives. The few personal points/opinions included are in italics. Please read the entire essay before commenting, replying, or sending me messages. If you would like to discuss this civilly, send me an ask. I reserve the right to respond or not respond as I see fit. Thank you.

Keep reading

What IS dysphoria?

Okay, I’m really annoyed by people thinking dysphoria is only debilitating, obvious to self body hate so they must be non-dysphoric. First off, let’s define dysphoria: Sex dysphoria is a disconnect, dissociation, or other discomfort a person has with their sex and/or sex characteristics. It can present A LOT of different ways and be very subtle.

I’m compiling this list to help people see how confusing dysphoria really can be. If you’ve experienced dysphoria in a way that isn’t listed here, please say something to me and I’ll add it. You can read my person experience with my subtle dysphoria that was more obvious upon looking back: [Link]

Ways Dysphoria can present: 
- [Unexplained] depression or anxiety. 
- [Unexplained] anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure or joy)
- Phantom penis or breasts.
- Something feeling “off” or “wrong” in the mirror. 
- Disliking being naked or seeing oneself naked. 
- [Unexplained] anxiety or depression after orgasm or sexual contact. 
- A physical anxiety-like feeling, especially when reminded of one’s sex. 
- Desire to mutilate sex characteristics such as genitals or breasts. 
- [Unexplained] irritability. 
- [Unexplained] resentment for sex opposite of yours. 
- Jealousy of the sex opposite of yours. 
- Feeling uncomfortable, anxious, depressed, resentful, or jealous when people of the sex opposite to yours talk about sex-specific experiences. 
- Stuffing pants/pushing in genitals from a young age and finding it gratifying. 
- Extreme fear of or worse anxiety than normal towards puberty. 
- Stuffing family member’s bras. 
- Making phallic objects and pretending you have a penis. 
- Taking sex toys and finding enjoyment out of pretending you have a penis. 
- Taking every chance with delight to dress up as the opposite sex as a “joke”
- Extreme aversion to gender non-conformity, often times hyper masculinity/femininity to the point of being toxic.  
- [Unexplained] general dissatisfaction when looking in the mirror, especially when naked. 
- Avoidance to being naked. 
- Avoidance to being seen naked by people who it’d normally be acceptable: (Significant others, doctors, etc.)
- Feeling “disconnected” or “Dissociated” from one’s body, especially sex characteristics. 
- Feeling like you’re watching a movie through your eyes. 
- EUPHORIA from transitioning, noticing changes, passing, or doing things reminiscent of the sex opposite of yours. 
- Poor perception of time, days mashing together, time going by fast or slow, etc. 
- Trouble with memory and/or focus. 
- [Unexplained] Flat Affect: Dull emotions, dull facial expressions, dull expression in general.
- General apathy and indifference. . 
- [ Unexplained] General dissatisfaction with life. 
- [Unexplained] Dislike of sex and masturbation. 
- [Unexplained] Discomfort with sex and masturbation. 
- [Unexplained] Uncomfortable physical or emotional feelings or mood swings after orgasm, sex, or masturbation.
- Avoiding sex and masturbation despite wanting to partake in them to avoid uncomfortable feelings after. 
- Feeling as if you’re putting on a performance. 
- Feeling unable to relate to peers of your sex. 
- Feeling more negative or personally hurt about homophobia directed at sex opposite of yours. 
- Frequent daydreaming about being the opposite sex. 
- Frequently making video game or original characters of the opposite sex. 
- Feeling more uncomfortable than normal about hearing your voice played back on a device.
- Feeling uncomfortable in clothing that accentuates your sex characteristics, such as (FtM) women’s jeans making you appear more curvy. 
- Feeling like your libido should be higher or lower, more like the opposite sex.
- Other issues or discomfort with sex or masturbation involving natal genitals, such as vaginismus or vestibulodynia.
- [Unexplained] Dissatisfaction or discomfort with height, feeling you should be taller or shorter/more like the opposite sex. 
- [Unexplained] Strong connection to fictional characters of the opposite sex who you are not attracted to. 
- [Unexplained] Feeling of not belonging or being out of place in social settings where everyone is the same sex as you. 
- As a child, not feeling connected to peers of the same sex. 
- [Unexplained] Extreme aversion to reproducing. 
- [Unexplained] (MtF) Positive or euphoric feelings when thinking about being pregnant.
- (FtM) Using a strap on during sex feels more natural and enjoyable during sex, and (MtF) being penetrated feels more natural and enjoyable.
- [Unexplained] Discomfort or feeling of wrongness at the rate of muscle growth from working out. 
- [Unexplained] Discomfort with fat distribution, especially below the waist.
- Thinking you’re doing something different from what you’re doing when expressing gender nonconformity. Like putting make-up on in front of the mirror as FTM = “Oh my god look at me I’m so faggy!” Building muscle at the gym as MTF = “I’m a strong woman! Subverting gender roles! Breaking the glass ceiling!” There’s dissociation between what you know is actually happening (you look gender conforming) and what you imagine you’re doing.
- Jealousy of trans people who have gotten certain surgeries done
- Difficulty forming connections with people, especially of the same sex.
- Difficulty expressing yourself.
- Unstable identity as an adult. 
- General feeling that something about you is “off” or “different”.
- Switching clothing styles often due to unexplainable dissatisfaction.
- [Unexplained] dissatisfaction with overall appearance.

Thanks, for several suggestions, Trans-Mettaton! :)

THIS IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO EVERYTHING. Please send me suggestions and additions of your experiences or others you’ve heard and I will happily and anonymously add them, but right now I’m drawing a blank.

It’s also important to note while gender nonconformity is very common among trans people prior to transition, it is NOT inherently dysphoria or a sign of being trans. Gender nonconformity and disliking/being uncomfortable with gender roles, or your sex/sex characteristics being assigned a gender role, can mimic being trans and having sex dysphoria. The important distinction is that sex dysphoria has to do with SEX. So your physical body, anatomy, physiology, being seen and treated as the sex you want to transition to, etc. Gender roles have to do with behavior, perceptions, roles, presentation, etc. 

Pretty much all of these examples can be caused by other things as well, so if you relate to a thing or two on this list it doesn’t necessarily mean dysphoria. If you relate to a lot of things on this list, I’d start questioning things though.

I hope this can help clear up what dysphoria really is so we can finally help questioning people better,

Let’s talk about the depiction of female characters in Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery.

…I swear, the movie’s official title gets funnier every time I read it.

Now, the first thing I want to make clear is that I’m not saying characters shouldn’t be attractive in cartoons, or any other media for that matter.

A character being cute isn’t a bad thing, even in entertainment that’s accessible to a younger audience. It’s natural and healthy – heck, from the stories I hear via running SDM, a lot of people first discovered a childhood attraction through fictional characters. It’s a nice, safe place for those feelings to begin when you’re little.

I also have no issue with characters’ design growing more realistic and attractive over the years. Going from this episode from 1969, to–

–this movie from 2015, I don’t think Warner-Brothers did anything inappropriate with Velma and Daphne’s depiction. 

Sure, they’re made to look a little more feminine and real, but a lot of that is just due to the animation getting better over time. Hard to say what the original show would have looked like if they had access to these modern tools, and a real budget.

However, early in the movie, when Velm and Daph put on their KISS-inspired outfits?


This is where I start to have issues with the movie. 

Sure, Daphne’s always had her trademark hourglass, ok – but here, the sexualization of both of them is intense enough to be tacky. There’s no reason for it to be ramped up to such a distracting extent.

Daphne was always the ‘tall, ditzy, and hot’ one, and Velma was the ‘short, plain, and smart’ one – and that differentiation made Velma beloved by fans. It’s nice for little girls to have a female character that’s more realistic, and has some real traits to identify with.

Is all that ruined by her gaining Daphne’s insane figure in a few scenes? No, but the principle of it is a little weird… it feels like it goes against what made the character who she was in the first place.

Now, onto the larger subject: the way all the main characters of the movie are presented.

As seen above, yes, the movie features ‘80s-ideal Paul Stanley, in all his barely-shirted glory.

Having not experienced the ‘80s myself, I can’t really judge his attractiveness in human or cartoon form, but judging by the reaction of every female alive in that decade, I’m guessing he’s pretty hot stuff.

…even if from behind it really looks like he’s wearing a bra.

So, he’s hot, and that’s part of his character, and the plot of the movie. Cool! 

I mean, it’s not like the other members are randomly super sexualized. Gene Simmons isn’t exactly–

–being used as eye candy in this, lemme tell ya. 

The male characters are quite normal and varied in the movie. The females, though….

Daphne? Perfect hourglass, a skin-tight costume (or later, her standard super short and tight dress)

Villain? Perfect hourglass, revealing clothing… weird metal breast seashell-things I can’t explain.

Though I’ll make no objection to the stockings. Those are darn nice.

Oh, a female scientist character? Hey, maybe she’ll be more–

…oh. Nope, exactly the same as the others, plus some… interesting… posture.

Voodoo shaman lady? Identical again, only with even larger breasts, because apparently the character design team thought the others just weren’t sufficient.

This is the real problem – handling female attractiveness in such a gratuitous way. A ‘hot’ character of a gender is one thing, but every single one being ramped up to 11 in such a pandering way is insulting to the audience.

Pandering is the key word, here. Targeting the classic 12-year-old boy demographic so shamelessly, while not technically having any inappropriate content so the parents can’t complain… while still dishing out–

–butt shots that are ‘entirely accidental.’

Want to make a movie with constant eye candy and fanservice just for the sake of it? Hey, sure, there’s a place for that, and it can be used well – it just has to be honest about what it is.

Be tacky, be shameless, appeal to whatever group you want… but don’t try to hide it and act innocent. A tongue-in-cheek vibe shows the audience you know exactly what you’re doing, and they can take it or leave it. 

But trying to slip in–

–bikini gargoyles? Nuh-uh. 12-year-old boys or not, the audience isn’t that blind to your motives.

In conclusion: have some restraint, Warner-Brothers. 

Look, I’ll be the last person in the world to say butts aren’t awesome, but know what really isn’t awesome? Pandering, immaturity, and sexualization that’s inappropriate within a movie’s context.

I’m onto you, WB… get your act together, and no buts about it.

…pun intended.

FAQ So Far

Q: What is a MAP?
A: It stand for minor attracted person. In other words, a pedophile or dangerous scum of the human earth that should not be trusted. It started out as trying to get rid of the stigma around pedophiles but it backfired and just stigmatized the term MAP.

Q: What is a NOP?
A: Non offending pedophile. In other words, a myth.

Q: What do you think of people with POCD?
A: People with POCD are not pedophiles. They have intrusive thoughts about children and hate them and want to get rid of it. They are not bad people

Q: Why don’t you think pedophilia is a mental illness?
A: Pedophilia is not a mental illness because if it was, pedophiles would go to a mental hospital instead of a prison. Furthermore, people that have these thoughts don’t feel bad about them. They like them. They like the thought of abusing children and if it was allowed, I’m sure they wouldn’t pass up on the chance. There’s enough stigma around mentally ill people as it is, we don’t need pedophilia to be in the community because then innocent people would be effected by it.

Q: Why don’t you a support lolicon?
A: Well besides the fact that its illegal, it causes addiction and grooms minors. Allow me to explain.
Addiction: Say a pedophile looks at lolicon to prevent himself from touching a real child. An addiction is an addiction no matter what it is to and it’s not healthy. By encouraging lolicon, you’re encouraging addiction and an addiction like that could lead to actually touching a real child as lolicon couldn’t have been enough for the pedophile and they wanted more. Give an alcoholic a drink and he’ll want more, right? Give a druggie meth and he’ll want more, right? The two examples I just gave (as both alcohol and meth can control the actions of an individual) can lead to harming the innocent, just as a pedophile addicted to lolicon can harm a child. So, just how long can these fake children help anyways?


Two examples of how lolicon harms real children. Pedophiles use fictional characters in sexual poses to trick children into thinking that whatever they want to do is okay. That it’s natural. It’s not.

So if anyone tries to defend lolicon, they’re probably looking at it themselves and if they wanna say “But they’re not real. These characters don’t get hurt.” Tell them that it still harms real children.

Here’s more examples:

Q: If a pedophile doesn’t offend, what are they called?
A: A pedophile. Especially on tumblr dot hell. They are not “non offending” pedophiles because they have joined a MAP community that normalizes pedophilia. They tell minors on here that they’re okay people when they’re not because theyre attracted to them so of course they want to earn a minors trust. They’re liars. Why would you believe absolutely anything a pedophile says? If non offending pedophiles do exist then it would be highly rare and I’ll get to why in the next Q.

Q: What would classify a pedophile as non offending?
A: First, they can’t be on tumblr. This site is full of minors. Impressionable minors and porn blogs. They come across porn blogs and they might think it looks nice and now all they have to do is find someone willing to do it with them. That’s where pedophiles come in. So pedophiles need to get the fuck off tumblr.

Second, therapy. A reason why the MAP community is bad is because they think they are getting help with other MAPs. No, they’re not. MAPs aren’t professionals, they dont have credentials, and they’re not experts. The only thing these MAPs are doing is telling you that its okay to have romatic/sexual attraction to children and it’s not. They’re normalizing these feelings and they should not be normalized. These feelings are dangerous and accepting them can lead to haring the child. Now how is that so, you ask? Well, accepting these will lead these pedophiles to trust themselves around kids. Pedophiles shouldn’t trust themselves around kids. The body does things involuntarily when you’re attracted to someone and some things that you dont notice that you’re doing but other people do and children aren’t stupid. They can know when an adult is acting funny around them. Do they have telepathy? No. Fucking all ships think they do though and that’s why they’re a fucking moronic douche bitch. They’re kids though, so soon they’ll trust this pedophile and the pedophile will take advantage of that and then them.
Now, some pedophiles will tell you that it’s not safe to tell a therapist cause they can rat you out and that doctor patient confidentiality is null if the therapist thinks you’re a harm to yourself and others. While the second part is true, if the professional with credentials think you’re a harm to yourself or to others they’re probably right, unlike the unprofessional colleges on here who don’t have any say who you’re a danger to because you’re a fucking pedophile. I have seen pedophiles admit to telling their therapist and nothing has happened to them so when a MAP says that they can’t go to a therapist because of that, they’re lying and they’re probably dangerous and most likely not non offending.

Thirdly, castration. A bit much? No. If a pedophile is already taliking to a therapist and wants to be chemically castrated, I dont see the problem. The most sure way to make sure they dont harm a child. If they dont agree, they probably don’t want to be non offending and probably aren’t.

Forth, off of tumblr? As I said, this website is full of minors. Impressionable minors. If they’re on here and have a blog dedicated to their immoral attraction, they’re automatically not non offending.

Fifth, isolation. Not completely. I guess they still have to get out and buy shit and go to work but they shouldn’t deliberately put themselves around children. Many “non offenders” on here already have done that and guess what? That means they’re not non offending. In a grocery store? Buy your shit and leave. Don’t get a teaching job you sick fuck. STAY AWAY FROM CHILDREN AND DON’T HAVE CHILDREN.

Q: What do you think of pedophiles that have kids?
A: Kill those pedophiles.

Q: Do you think sending death threats to pedophiles is a good idea?
A: I do believe they deserve to die but I don’t do that myself. However, I would celebrate if some random guy kills a pedophile on the street.

Adam Lanza

Date: December 14, 2012

Age: 20

School: Sandy Hook Elementary School, Newtown, CT

Killed: 27

Wounded: 2

Outcome: Suicide

Though Adam Lanza was bright, he struggled with profound impairments all his life. He barely functioned socially, rarely spoke, could not tolerate being touched, and has periods of total withdrawal in which he became unresponsive. He was hypersensitive to light and sound, and yet he had a blunted sense of pain. Lanza struggled emotionally in academic settings, as a young adult wondered why he was ‘such a loser.’

Lanza’s parents separated in 2001, when he was nine years old. He lived with his mother and maintained contact with his father until 2010. At that point, Mr Lanza had reportedly begun seeing another woman, and Lanza cut off contact with both his father and older brother.

Lanza’s uncle served in the military and then as a police offier. Lanza admired him and was obsessed with the military. He covered the walls of his basement with military posters and played military video games for hours. He even wanted to join the marines. Though his mother took him target shooting, she dissuaded him from applying to the military. Why did he want to join the marines? Perhaps because that would transform him from a nobody into a somebody. As described by reporter Matthew Lysiak, Lanza created an alter ego as his online persona: ‘The skinny and frail teenager chose to create an imposing, bulky, muscle-bound soldier dressed in desert camouflage.’ No one can argue with the manliness of a marine.

Perhaps Lanza’s need to feel powerful was also behind his interest in Satanism. A classmate said that Lanza created a satanic website with ‘the word Devil on it in red gothic- style letters against a black background. It gave me the chills.’ Lanza was also fascinated by mass-murders. A search of his home revealed a remarkable spreadsheet, seven feet by four feet, covered in nine point type, with Lanza’s collection of data about 500 mass murderers.

Lanza, was not merely shy - he struck people as very odd. One person recalled, ‘There was a weirdness about him.’ Another said, ‘I don’t even think withdrawn is the right word. Removed.’ Someone else stated, ‘He was like a ghost.’

In 2005, Lanza was diagnosed with Asperger’s Disorder. This is a ‘pervasive developmental disorder’ which is in the same category that includes autism. Though Lanza’s symptoms could be accounted for by PDD, they also could indicate schizophrenia. Alternatively, perhaps as a child he was on the autism spectrum but as an adult went on to develop schizophrenia. His mother suspected that he wasn’t simply autistic, wondering ‘whether her son had outgrown what had been previously diagnosed as borderline autism into something much more extreme.’ Similarly, Lanza’s father father questioned the diagnosis of Asperger’s: ‘I was thinking it could mask schizophrenia.’

As a child, Lanza played the saxophone, performed in theatre, and was active in a technology club in school. As he grew older, however, he withdrew from these activities, and his functioning declined. This deterioration, as well as his profound social impairment and the inability to converse, suggest schizophrenia. Schizophrenics often have ‘poverty of speech,’ meaning they fail to engage in normal conversation and may barely speak at all. Lanza’s periods of withdrawal and non responsiveness may have been catatonic episodes. He also had blunted or flattened emotions, which is another symptom of schizophrenia.

It is not known is Lanza had hallucinations as an adult, though as a child he smelled odours that were not present. Perceiving nonexistent smells constitutes what are called olfactory hallucinations. There is no clear evidence of delusions. 

Without such a document from Lanza, how do we make sense of his attack? He may have sought ‘revenge’ for mistreatment as Sandy Hook, but there is no consensus regarding how much he was picked on. In addition Lanza ‘indicated that he loved school,’ his family remembered his years there as ‘the best times of his life,’ and his father stated, ‘Adam loved Sandy Hook.’

People have speculated that perhaps he was jealous of the students his mother volunteered with at the school. Another possibility is that he felt so impotent that he sought out the only targets he believed he could handle- first graders.

Yet another possibility has to do with Lanza’s enigmatic sexuality. His computer contained ‘materials regarding the topic of pedophilia and advocating rights for pedophiles.’ He also owned a script and a movie that portrayed sexual relationships between children and adults. Was Lanza sexually attracted to children? Was his attack driven by sexual frustration, killing those he desired but could not have?

Even stranger still, Lanza’s computer contained two fictional pieces about having to defend himself against babies who were attacking him. Did he have paranoid delusions about babies and children? Did Lanza murder children as an act of self defence? As early as 5th grade, Lanza cowrote a story about a murderous character who said, ‘I like hurting people…especially children.’

Adapted from ‘School Shooters, Understanding High School, College and Adult Perpetrators’ by Peter Langman.

Why I don’t care who you ship

So before I start, I am going to state flat out that I know I am going to be largely addressing the ML fandom as that is pretty much what my followers are, but for this I will be referencing other fandoms because this definitely covers across the board and will make a better point if we keep it more generic.

just to warn you- this gets pretty long…

Keep reading

On The ~Monosexual Privilege~ Checklist

Society assures me that my sexual identity is real and that people like me exist.

Not if you’re a lesbian. Lesbians are constantly surrounded by media in which lesbian-identified characters are attracted to men. Lesbians are constantly doubted and told that they must be at least a little attracted to men. Hell, people regularly make bullshit claims like “Everyone is at least a little bisexual.” 

When I disclose my sexual identity to others, they believe it without requiring me to prove it (usually by disclosing my sexual and romantic history).

Not if you’re a lesbian. It’s an almost-universal experience among the lesbians I know that they were quizzed about their sexual histories when they came out. 

I can feel sure that, upon disclosing my sexual identity, people accept that it’s my real/actual sexual identity (rather than assuming that I am lying or simply wrong).

Not if you’re a lesbian. People assume that lesbians are really bisexual or just lying to get attention all the time

I am never considered closeted when disclosing my sexual identity.

Not if you’re a gender non-conforming heterosexual, a gender-conforming homosexual, or trans. 

I am considered to have more authority in defining and judging bisexuality than people who identify as bisexual.

Not if you’re gay or a lesbian. Straight people consider themselves the only ones who get to define sexuality. They always have. 

Perception/acceptance of my sexual identity is generally independent of my choices of relationships, partners, and lifestyles.

Not if you’re a gay man or a lesbian. Gay men and lesbians are both regularly judged on their relationships, partners, and lifestyles. These things are at the heart of most homophobic rhetoric. 

It is unlikely that disclosing my sexual identity in a non-sexual context will be taken as a sign of sexual availability or consent.

Not if you’re a lesbian. “Lesbian” is literally a porn category. Straight men’s reactions when a woman comes out as a lesbian reflect that. 

I can be confident that people will not rename my sexual identity or use different words to describe my identity than I do.

Not if you’re a lesbian. This is a battle lesbians have to fight regularly, particularly ones that don’t like being called “gay.”

When seen with a partner I’m dating, I can be certain I will be recognized as a member of my sexual-identity group by members of my community.

Not if you’re a lesbian. Lesbians can literally make out with each other in public and still be called “just friends” by everyone around them. 

I do not have to choose between either invisibility (“passing”) or being consistently “othered” and/or tokenized in my community based on my sexual identity.

This… isn’t a thing. Every queer group I’ve been to has had significantly more bisexuals than lesbians. Bisexuals were not “othered” or “tokenized.” Lesbians were. 

I am never blamed for upholding heteropatriarchy or cisgender privilege because of the word that I use to identify my sexuality.

Not if you’re gay or a lesbian. I have literally seen ~bi lib~ bloggers call homosexuality “heteronormative” because of its monosexuality aspect. That same monosexuality aspect leads to them being regularly criticized for upholding cis privilege because “You can’t tell someone’s gender by looking at them!!!!!” (As if that was ever what it was about.)

I feel welcomed at appropriate services or events that are segregated by sexual identity (for example, straight singles nights, gay community centers, or lesbian-only events).

Are you really trying to call it a privilege that gay men and lesbians feel welcome at events they personally set up to cater specifically to them? If you want a bisexual community center, stop whining and make one. There are more of us than them. The only reason we don’t have [more of] these things is because we aren’t making them. 

I can feel sure that if I choose to enter a monogamous relationship, my friends, community, or my partner will continue to accept my sexual identity, without expecting or pressuring me to change it.

Not if you’re a lesbian. Again, lesbians are constantly pressured to sleep with men, even when they’re in monogamous relationships with women. 

I do not need to worry about potential partners shifting instantly from amorous relations to disdain, humiliating treatment, verbal or sexual violence because of my sexual identity.

Not if you’re trans. This happens to trans ~monosexuals~ all the time. 

I can choose to be in a polyamorous relationship without being accused of reinforcing stereotypes against my sexual-identity group.

Not if you’re a gay man or a lesbian. That is one of the oldest homophobic stereotypes in the book for gay men, and for lesbians it’s a porn stereotype.

I can fairly easily find representations of people of my sexual-identity group and my lifestyle in the media and the arts. I encounter such representations without needing to look hard.

Not if you’re gay or a lesbian. What universe are you living in where positive homosexual representation is plentiful?

If I encounter a fictional, historical or famous figure of my sexual identity, I can be reasonably sure that s/he will be named as such in the text or by the media, reviewers and audience.

Not if you’re a gay man or a lesbian. Are you kidding me? Everyone wants to come up with reasons why a character couldn’t possibly be gay or why the creator saying that they were gay is invalid. 

I often encounter the word I use to identify myself in the media and the arts. When I hear or read it, I am far less likely to find it in the context of the denial of its existence.

Not if you’re gay or a lesbian. You are making it painfully obvious that you have a huge double-standard regarding representation for homosexuals and for bisexuals. The state of homosexual representation in the media or even in historical discussions is not good. It’s not even acceptable. Every point like this just further proves that you have no understanding of heterosexism or sexuality-based oppression.

I can find, fairly easily, reading material, institutions, media representations, etc. which give attention specifically to people of my sexual identity.

Not if you are gay or a lesbian. See above. 

I can feel certain that normal everyday language will include my sexual identity (“straight and gay alike,” “gay and lesbian,” etc.).

Not if you are gay or a lesbian. All I’m seeing at this point is “I have no idea what heteronormativity is,” over and over again. 

If I am cisgender, I am far less likely to suffer from intimate and sexual violence.

This doesn’t mean shit to ~monosexuals~ who have suffered from intimate and sexual violence, and no bisexual who hasn’t has any right to use those statistics to further their own agenda.

If I am cisgender, I am less likely to suffer from depression or to contemplate suicide.

See above. You don’t get to appropriate those experiences if you haven’t been there, and you sure as fuck don’t get to use them against ~monosexuals~ who have had them. 

If I am cisgender, I am far less likely to suffer from poverty.

See above. 

I am more likely to feel comfortable being open about my sexual identity at work.

Not if you are gay or a lesbian. Have you ever even heard of “homophobia”?

I have access to information about the prevalence of STIs in my community as well as prevention methods that are suitable for me. (For example, searching online yields many, accurate and accessible results).

Being bisexual has never once prevented me from using google. 

Information about the prevalence of STIs in my community as well as prevention methods suitable for me, are unlikely to be subsumed under those of any other sexual-identity groups.

Not if you are gay or a lesbian. Sex ed is still heteronormative as fuck. 

If I live in a city, I am more likely find medical care that will suit my own particular needs.

Not if you are gay or a lesbian and sure as Hell not if you’re trans. Queer-friendly doctors aren’t super easy to find for everyone but bisexuals. 

If I am cisgender, I am less likely to risk my health by avoiding medical treatment.

Not if you are gay or a lesbian and sure as Hell not if you’re trans.

I have the privilege of not being aware of my privileges.

This is a fucking free-space and I hate that it’s on every single privilege checklist.