is it legal to be that good looking

2

The engine updated just today to 3.0.0, integrating QZDoom’s software mode. And hey, surprisingly, things don’t actually look that bad in the software renderer. There’s a couple hiccups, but for the most part first impressions seem good and it seems to run fairly well.
Plus, there’s that whole GPL-compatible licensing! Hooray! GPL open-source goodness! Not that I’d expect there to be a lot of legal trouble but hey, it’s nice to be able to move forward confidently wit–

…ah. That’s a bit of an issue.

I worked at a craft store the summer before college.  Here are my best (and the best of the worst) moments:

- A man bought 190 mason jars with lids.  I asked him if this was for a wedding, or if he was making jam.  He was doing neither.  He did not have plans for mason jars.  He just thought they were a really good sale.

- A woman bought her brother and his fiance a giant rainbow bow for their wedding present.  She whispered that they had been married before, but that the fiance had dressed as a woman and they wanted to make it real now that it was legal.  She shouted that rainbows are gay.  Her style is unusual.

- A little girl left finger-painted handprints on the inside of the back pockets of the pants I was wearing.  It was the most terrible case of “mistaken mother” I have ever experienced.

- A little girl came in looking for SWAPS for Girl Scout camp (pins you trade with other scouts at camp).  She asked me if I could help her even though I am too old to be a Girl Scout.  I showed her my lifetime membership card and the SWAPS on my keyring.  She told me I am her best friend, and came back two weeks later with a SWAP she had saved for me from camp.

- A woman came through with wedding supplies for her granddaughter and a very nervous outlook on the price.  I asked her what my name was, pretending to forget about my nametag, and when she got it right, pronounced her my good friend and gave her my friends-and-family discount.  She cried.  I might have too.

- A father bought his little boy a doll set.  The boy told me that the last set had been for his friend, but he had liked it much more than she did, so he was getting his own.  His baby sister was chewing on a monster truck.  I liked this family.

- I became known as the cashier who would give you the discounts under my register if you were nice.  The little old ladies who came in every yarn sale loved me.  My coupons and I were their heroes.

- The substitute teacher who had bullied me came through my line and smugly told me that her total was wrong.  I smiled politely and informed her that I had already given her the educator’s discount, but would happily take it off.  She was much less smug after that, as her daughter laughed her out of the store.

- A large woman with a 5 o'clock shadow came through my line.  I told her I liked her skirt.  She responded with the biggest smile I have ever seen.

- And finally, my favorite one:  a nine-year-old girl came up to my register with a stack of t-shirts and told me she had folded them for me, but could not reach where they belonged.  I told her most people would have left them on the floor.  She informed me that I was the cashier who helped her Girl Scout troop mate, and I quote:  "dang it, you do good things for good people!  I want to be a good people like you!“  and skipped out the door, before remembering her mother was still shopping and skipping right back in.

Sometimes, I love retail.

Mom Deals With Local Traffic

When I was a wee thing, my parents moved out the the Highly dubious condo in East Palo Alto and into a relatively nice suburban neighborhood, into a house immediately across the street from my new elementary school.  Immediate, as in, less than 40 feet from the traffic circle.   Mom would wave at me from the driveway sometimes while I was in class.  This should have made getting me to and from school easy, but there was an issue:

I still had to cross the street, and because I was living in the over-caffeinated heart of silicon valley at the time, that meant dodging the local commuters barreling through the school zone at upwards of 40 miles per hour with no regard for the stop signs.

The flashing “School Zone” signs were ignored.  
The city refused to put in speed bumps or devote extra patrol cars.
One of my classmates grandmother’s volunteered as crossing guard, and some jackass in a BMW ran over her foot on the first day.

Now, mom declared as we drove Mrs. Manchez to the hospital her foot in a beer cooler full of ice, Would be a good time to take the law into my own hands.

So after dropping Mrs. Manchez off at the hospital, we drove to the thrift store, where my mom found a navy blazer, aviator sunglasses, a pilot’s cap and an old, clunky-looking hair dryer.  

The next morning, mom went out to the sidewalk in her new “uniform”, with the hair dryer and a legal pad so she could write down the grocery list.  Every time a car would come roaring down the road, Mom would look up, point the hairdryer at them, and, and write something down.  

I remember listening to brakes squeal all day the first time she tried it, Mercedes and BMWs screeching to a crawl as they passed the school, glaring at her.   By that afternoon, cars were creeping along at an over-cautious 10mph, and I was able to get home without taking my life into my hands.

After that, Mom went out “in uniform” every couple of days, because intermittent re-enforcement is what REALLY gets a change in behavior going, and point the hair dryer at anyone speeding through the school zone, usually while writing down grocery lists or short stories, or drawing unflattering caricatures of the other PTA moms.

Eventually, however, one of the cars that came through was a patrol car, and he slowly pulled to a halt in front of mom, glaring at her though his own reflective glasses.

She smiled an waved the hair dryer.  “Good afternoon!”

“…What’re you doing?”  he groaned, 3 in the afternoon entirely too early for this shit.

“Writin’ a grocery list.”  She beamed, and when that failed to satisfy him, she explained about the speeding problem and that if they couldn’t send a partol car out here to ticket people regularly, she figured that a hair dryer would be the next best thing.  Working like a charm so far.  They didn’t even notice the little airplanes on the Pilot’s hat.

The officer stared at her for a moment longer before his face broke out into a slow grin.  “Y’know, when we’re out of a car, we usually wear visibility vests.  So more people see you and your… Phaser.”

And that’s the story of how Mom and Officer Brown met and started the neighborhood watch program.

I know it’s hard right now - but continue to look for the small moments of good in this world. We will need it to survive.

  • Psychic: *reads my mind*
  • Me: Veronica! OpEn ThE- OpEn ThE dOoR pLeAsE! vErOnIcA, oPeN tHe DoOr-WhY dO yOu WrItE lIkE yOu'Re RuNnInG oUt Of TiMe-oMiGoD oH mY gOd YoU gUyS lOoKs LiKe ElLe'S gOnNa WiN tHe PrIzE-pOpUlAr YoU'Re GoNnA bE pOpUlAr I'lL tEaCh YoU tHe PrOpEr PoIsE-lEt yOuR FrEaK FlAg WaVe LeT yOuR fReAk FlAg FlY-GOOD MORNING BALTIMORE-wHat TiMe iS iT? sUmMeR tImE-SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS-i'M fLyInG FLYING FLYING FLYING-wHeN tHe WoRlD hAs ScReWeD yOu AnD cRuShEd YoU iN iTs FiSt-tHe PhAnToM oF tHe OPERAAAA-BIGGEST PLAIN FOOL IN THE JUNGLE OF NOOL-GREASE LIGHTNING-lItTlE sHoP lItTlE ShOp Of HorRor-ANYTHING GOES!! *endless loop*
  • Psychic: WTF

◆ —— LILO & STITCH QUOTES STARTER PROMPTS.

  • ’ Why are you all wet? ‘ 
  • ’ Aloha! ’
  • ’ You’re vile. You’re foul. You’re flawed. ' 
  • ’ Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten. ’
  • ’ If you want to leave, you can. I’ll remember you, though. ’
  • ’ I remember everyone that leaves. ’
  • ’ You! You’re the cause of all this. ’
  • ’ This is my family. I found it all on my own. Is little, and broken, but still good. Ya. Still good. ’
  • ’ Oh, good! My dog found the chainsaw. ’
  • ’ No more caffeine for you. ’
  • ’ Did you lose your job because of me? ' 
  • ’ The managers a vampire. He wanted me to join his legion of the undead. ’
  • ’ Trust me, this isn’t gonna end well. ’
  • ’ I’m sorry I bit you. And pulled your hair. And punched you in the face. ’
  • ’ GIve us a sign you understand any of this. ’
  • ’ Show us that there is something inside you that is good. ’
  • ’ I didn’t teach him that. ’
  • ’ Come on, what’s the big deal? ’
  • ’ Leave my mother out of this. ’
  • ’ You are such a pain. ’
  • ’ Then why don’t you sell me and buy me a rabbit instead? ’
  • ’ I hate it when you use Ohana against me. ’
  • ’ I’m lost. ’
  • ’ Don’t interact with her. ’
  • ’ Oh, we can’t do that. Uh-uh. That would be a misuse of resources. ’
  • ’ Why do you act so weird? ’
  • ’ You look familiar. ’
  • ’ We’re a broken family, aren’t we? ’
  • ’ I shouldn’t have yelled at you. ’
  • ’ You are built to destroy. You can never belong. ’
  • ’ We need something that can defend itself. Something that won’t die. ’
  • ’ I hear you cry at night. ’
  • ’ Do you dream about them? ’
  • ’ You came back. ’
  • ’ Nobody gets left behind. ’
  • ’ I need someone to be my friend. Someone who won’t run away. ' 
  • ’ His destructive programming is taking effect. ’
  • ’ Did you ever kill anyone? ’
  • ’ Are you.. happy? ’
  • ’ I am the one they call when things go wrong and things have, indeed, gone wrong. ’
  • ’ Our family’s little now, and we don’t have many toys. ’
  • ‘ If you want, you could be a part of our family. ’
  • ’ We’d raise you to be good. ’
  • ’ She likes your butt and fancy hair. ’
  • ’ I read her diary. ’
  • ’ Not guilty! My experiments are only theoretical, and completely within legal boundaries. ’
  • ’ He was designed to be a monster, but now he has nothing to destroy. ’
  • ’ I never gave him a greater purpose. ’
  • ’ What must it be like to have nothing, not even memories to look back on in the middle of the night? ’
  • ’ If you promise not to fight anymore, I promise not to yell at you, except on special occasions. ’
  • ’ Stupid head. ’
  • ’ Did you catch fire again? ’
  • ’ This is your badness level. It’s unusually high for someone your size. We have to fix that. ’
  • ’ Don’t leave me, okay? ’
  • ’ Do you want to be taken away? ’
  • ’ You’re just jealous 'cause I’m pretty! ’
  • ’ My friends need to be punished. ’
  • ’ Heard you lost your job. ’
  • ’ Thus far you have been adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience. ' 
  • ‘ After all you’ve put me through, you expect me to help you just like that? ’
  • ’ He’s very persuasive. ' 
  • ’ I know you had something to do with this. ’
  • ’ Oh, good! I was hoping to add theft, endangerment and insanity to my list of things I did today. ’
  • ’ I prefer to be called evil genius. ’
  • ’ You smell like a lawn mower. ’
  • ’ I have just determined the situation to be far too hazardous! ’
  • ’ Don’t worry. I won’t hit her. ’
  • ’ This is low even for you! ’
  • ’ You are all mine. ’
  • ’ You know I have no choice. ’
  • ‘  Please don’t do this. ’
  • ’ You’re making this harder than it needs to be. ’
  • ’ She needs me. ’
  • ’ Leave me alone to die. ’
  • ’ What is that monstrosity? ’
  • ’ Does this look infected to you? ’
  • ’ You’d better not have rabies. ’
  • ’ Hiding behind your little friend won’t work anymore. ’
  • ’ Didn’t I tell you? We got fired this morning. ’
  • ’ That is the ugliest thing I have ever saw! ’
  • ’ It has no place among us. ’
Jealousy Games 02

Originally posted by yourpinkpill

Description: You decide to play a game of push and pull with your ex Jungkook, bringing Jimin along for the ride.

Pairing: JungkookxReaderxJimin

Genre: Smut (M)

Word Count: 6.2k

Index: 01, 02

Warnings: Jungkook’s POV, masturbation, dirty talk, voyeurism. 

A/N: Alright y’all. Here it is. After this chapter, we can officially head into everything @ellieljade and I have planned. You’re not ready, tbh. As always, thank you to Nicole for being my beta and soundboard. 

Enjoy~!

Keep reading

I’ve been trying to take some time before writing this to compose myself but that doesn’t seem like it’ll happen anytime soon…

I directly faced some bullshit anti Semitism from a coworker last week. To make things brief, he made a joke about hitler and then did the heil hitler salute. And laughed.

Naturally I was EXTREMELY upset and flipped out on him. I told my boss, who said she would talk to HR about it. Today at work I asked her about it and she basically told me this:

“Boss: "I watched the video of coworker saying the joke. As you said, you blew up at him and the video doesn’t look good for you. Remember, he’s 18 and from the hood and this is normal for him. You guys need to play nice”

A number of things about this bother me. First, my reaction was and is completely justified. Had I made a joke about lynching I would’ve been out on my ass so quick it would’ve made my head spin. Second, being 18 makes no difference. He is a legal adult, and he needs to act like one. Being “from the hood” (which a SUCH a racist, fucked up thing to say) makes no difference. Third, how fucking condescending for her to tell us to “play nice”, as if we just had a simple disagreement. As if he didn’t blatantly show how much he doesn’t respect Jews or the suffering at our hands.

So basically, I quit today. She told me there was nothing she could do. So, there was nothing I could do except quit.

There’s a lot more I have to say but I am too emotionally charged to put it into words. But yeah.

instagram

is it legal to look this good?

BTS Reactions To You Accidentally Giving Them A Boner

♡Seokjin♡:

You weren’t very fond of people waking you up. Seokjin unfortunately learned this the hard way when he had done it accidentally only to have to face your wrath. However, he had learned with time and progression through your relationship, that there was a way to get you to wake up happy.

He had begun his work in the kitchen when the smell of delicious food sprung you to consciousness. You were practically drooling as you made your way to the kitchen in nothing but Seokjin’s shirt and a flimsy pair of underwear.  

“Good morning Jagi,” he cooed as he heard your approaching steps. 

“What are you making?” You asked excitedly as you spotted him.

He looked back and was just about to answer when he finally turned to look at you. He could feel himself growing hard as his gaze was suddenly drawn to your exposed legs. The sight of you in just his shirt was irresistible but Seokjin being the gentleman he was, waited until after you ate before making a move. 

You had just begun to wash the dishes when he suddenly reached over you to shut the tap off. He pressed his body behind yours and held you close to him as he whispered into your ear, “I want dessert Jagiya.” 

“O-oh yeah? What did you want to eat?” You stuttered as you became aware of his growing bulge pressed against your ass. 

“You,” he breathed before he turned you around and rid you of his shirt. His hands quickly coming into contact with your exposed skin. 

Originally posted by syubbie

♡Yoongi♡:

In Yoongi’s eyes you were always attractive. However, it was moments like these; when he saw your eyes burning with passion, that he found you to be absolutely breathtaking. 

Your hands typed furiously against the keyboard, in a rush to get all your ideas for your next article down. You scrunched your eyebrows together and unconsciously bit your lip in concentration, absolutely driving Yoongi insane. 

He didn’t realize how big of turn on this side was of you until he felt a stir in his pants. Fuck.

“Are you almost done?” He asked from where he was lying on the bed, his voice a bit hoarse. 

“Mhm,” was your only answer as you continued to type away. 

Yoongi bit the inside of his cheek, willing his body to calm down. Now was not the time…but he couldn’t help himself. Before he knew it he found his way behind your chair. 

Your eyes shot wide open the second you felt his lips against your neck.

“Yoon-yoongi what are you doing?” You asked a bit breathlessly, as he had instantly gone for the spot you were the most sensitive.

“Can’t you take a break baby?” He whispered hotly against your ear.

Originally posted by talk-me-down-troye

♡Hoseok♡:

“Like this?” You asked Hoseok hesitantly. 

You were beyond nervous. Hoseok was naturally good at dancing, but you on the other hand, could hardly walk without tripping. Which is why you hadn’t understood why Hoseok had asked you to help him practice the dance duet he had been working hard on choreographing. 

“Your body seems a bit stiff Jagiya,” he pointed out and you felt yourself deflate just a little.

“I’m sorry Hoseok. I don’t think I’m the best person to help you with this,” you sighed a tad bit defeated.

“Of course you are Jagiya! Don’t give up,” he encouraged with a bright smile, “just relax.”

You were curious as to what he was up to as he walked closer towards you and grabbed you by the waist.

 “Okay let’s practice another part,” he suggested, “let my body lead yours ok?”

Within seconds he had your bodies blended against one another and he had yours moving to the speed of his. Just as he turned your body, so you’d be facing him, he felt himself stir. 

He usually was pretty good at controlling himself but the sight of your sweaty body against his in the mirrors reflection, must’ve played quite a number on him. He couldn’t help it as he leaned closer towards you and drew you into a passionate kiss, completely stealing your breath away.

You were breathless as you pulled away and looked up at him a bit amused by the sudden attack of his lips, “uh-is that apart of the choreo?”

“Just between you and I,” was all he said before he leaned in to kiss you again, a bit more rougher and messier this time. 

Originally posted by jinkooks

♡Namjoon♡:

Namjoon bit on his bottom lip as he stared at you intently from where he was seated. He couldn’t believe how easily you had managed to excite him. You hadn’t even intentionally done it. You had come over with the intention of watching a movie with him when you suddenly helped yourself to a banana. 

At the sight of your lips encircling the banana, any thoughts in Namjoon’s mind of a fluffy movie night was thrown out the window. 

“Namjoon?” You tilted your head in curiosity as you caught on to his intense stare.

Namjoon cleared his throat, a poor attempt at trying to calm himself down. It was too late, the desire to feel your body against him was too strong. 

“Are you done with that banana?” He asked, and you noticed that his voice was more hoarse than usual.

You looked at him, confused by the question, “…yes? Why?”

His eyes darkened as he gave you a small smirk, “because I’d rather have your lips wrapped around something else.”

It didn’t take much time for you to understand what he meant by that, Namjoon didn’t even really give you much time to think either. Before you knew it, he had you pinned under him on the couch.

Originally posted by jeonsshi

♡Jimin♡:

Jimin quietly cursed himself. Why had he thought that it’d be a good idea to have you sit on his lap?

He loved keeping you close but right now, he seriously regretted his decision. Especially since all the other members were gathered in the dorm’s living room with the two of you. You were just trying to get comfortable, but your constant movement had him getting hard, fast. The swelling of his dick was out of his control.

Your eyes widened the second you felt his bulge pressed up right against your ass. You turned around and sent him a questioningly glance.

“It’s because you keep moving,” he whispered, trying hard not be heard by the other members.

“Sorry,” you apologized, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit amused by the situation. Especially, when you saw Jimin close his eyes as he concentrated on calming himself down.

A sudden playfulness washed over you as you intentionally moved your ass a certain way against his bulge. You let a small smile grace your lips as you heard him release a soft hiss. 

“Are you okay?” You asked feigning innocence and that was the last straw for him. 

Before you knew it, Jimin had excused you both before leading you to his room only to have him press you up against a wall the second the door was closed.

Originally posted by park-jimizzle

♡Taehyung♡:

“Stay still,” you giggled as you pushed Taehyung down on the bed and crawled on top of him, straddling him. 

“Uh Jagiya, what are you doing?” He muttered as a flush began to bloom across his cheeks.

You couldn’t help but laugh, “don’t get all excited now.”

“I’m not,” he lied. He could already feel himself stirring in his pants, this was the affect you had on him. 

“Taehyung look at me,” you smiled, “I want to see your eyes.”

“My eyes?” He asked confused, but turned to look at you anyways. His excitment only growing at your close proximity. 

You nodded your head and leaned down so there was only a few inches between your lips and he contemplated kissing you. 

The second you saw the speck you had been searching for you grinned fondly, “ahh there it is! I love the mole under your eye so much.” 

Satisfied, you moved to get off his lap but Taehyung flipped your bodies instead so you were the one under him.

“I told you not to get excited Tae,” you jokingly chastised. 

“It’s a little too late for that…because of you I have a big problem now. it’s only fair that you help me with it,” he smirked as he licked his lips, the shyness from a few seconds ago completely gone.

You let out a small laugh before you drew him in for an intense kiss.

Originally posted by youngest-k

♡Jungkook♡:

Fuck. Was the only thought running through Jungkook’s mind as his eyes were glued to your body.

Why had he thought this would be a good idea?

Jungkook hadn’t fully thought it through when he asked you to join him for his workout. Of course he knew stretching was important, but was it even legal for you to look this good as you did?

You had no idea about the affect you were having on him as you began your exercise with squats. Jungkook was restless and couldn’t seem to focus on anything but you and eventually there was a stir in his pants and he inwardly cursed. He no longer had any control over his body as his mind began to fill with lustful thoughts. 

You had just been going down for another squat when you felt Jungkook wrap his arms around your waist drawing you close to him. Your eyes began to widen as you felt something poking you from behind and finally realized what it was.

“Baby, I don’t think this was a good idea,” was all he said before he turned you around and captured your lips in his. 

Originally posted by sugutie

~

I hope you enjoy<33 Special thanks to admin k for some of the ideas<3

~Admin Coffee

ML ANGST IDEA: Just like him

Gabriel Agreste is revealed to be Hawkmoth. Ladybug and Chat noir finally defeat him and he is arrested. Paris was shocked by the reveal, but was happy that hawkmoth was no more.

Adrien’s life was a cyclone of events after that. His Dad was in prison, his mom was still missing. Nathalie was his legal guardian, and his Dad’s company was being run by the board of directors until Adrien was of Age.

People started treating Adrien different, he could feel people treat him different. A lot of fake smiles, and nods. Photographers wanted to use Adrien as a model a lot less. Fan girls of his started trickling down. This part didnt bother Adrien that much, he never cared for that. But the way people treated him at school was different. Chloé was distant (One of the few blessings) saying that it might not look good being seen with Adrien right now, some of his classmates avoided talking to him. Kim teasing him about his Dad being a villain. Alya constantly questioning him about it (for the blog). The only two people who didnt act any different towards him were Nino and Marinette. Nino was his best friend and that wouldn’t change. Marinette was one of the sweetest people in existence, she could never be mean to anyone unless they absolutely deserved it.

The rest of the world seemed to think that he was the soon to be super villain! That he was some scorned rich kid plotting his revenge. It pissed him off, the fact that his Dad was a villain, the fact that everyone treated him coldly, the fact that he now lost both of his parents.

He began transforming a lot more. Chat noir was on the prowl every night. He would watch over the city. It was something to take his mind off of everything.

One Night Ladybug showed up to join him.


“There aren’t anymore Akumas Chat, we can relax.” Ladybug eased the cat hero. The two were standing on a rooftop in the middle of the night.

“I kind of wish there were…” Chat muttered under his breath. The night air suddenly felt much colder on the roof.

Unfortunately for the cat hero, Ladybug heard him.

“Don’t even joke about that. Without the akuma, the people are in a lot less danger. Paris is a lot better off without Hawkmoth.” Ladybug spoke.

“Is Adrien Agreste better off?” 

Chat noir didn’t even realized those words shot out of his mouth. The sharpness of the question pierced Ladybug right through the heart. How did Chat noir know about Adrien? Well it isn’t like Adrien isn’t a random kid, he was the son of the Fashion Tycoon turned super villain Gabriel Agreste. 

“Chat noir…”

“I can’t sleep anymore Ladybug.” Chat noir interrupted, which really didnt mean much as Ladybug was still at a loss for words.

Ladybug stood in silence as she waited for him to continue.

“I havent slept since the night before we captured him. I remember how ecstatic I was when we finally caught him. But when I saw his face… his real face. He had a son, Ladybug. He was the only parent left in Adrien’s life, and we just took him a way. I handed him over to the police…” Chat noir was on the brink of tears.

Ladybug hugged him from behind, tears slowly leaving her eyes to trickle down her cheeks.

“I never once realized any of this. But it isn’t your fault Chat, we were just doing our jobs. Adrien doesn’t deserve to lose his father over our actions. But Hawkmoth deserved to go to prison for his crimes. Sometimes being a hero means we have to make tough decisions. Deep down, I am sure Adrien doesn’t blame you for what happened.”

The night grew quiet once again as Ladybugs words reached Chat noir’s ears. For a moment, nothing but silence. But then, Chat noir started to laugh. Ladybug released her hug and backed up as she watched Chat noir cover his eyes as he laughed, tears streaming down his face.

“Chat?” Ladybug questioned nervously.

She watched stunned as he instantly stopped laughing and undid his transformation right in front of her, revealing the crying blonde rich kid that missed his father.

“But I do Ladybug.”


Thoughts?

Continuation here

Flashes (Part 1)

Summary: Soulmate AU. “The fault, dear Brutus is not in our stars, / But in ourselves, that we are underlings.” - William Shakespeare (Julius Caesar)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 1,783

Warnings: language, fluff, wishful thinking, angst, sadness, borderline depression, sarcasm, did I mention language? might be hard to read for lonely hearts like me.

A/N: Well, I did it…at least I tried. The lovely @minervaem challenged me (sort of) to do an angsty story, so here we go. I’m warning you now, it’s not gonna be pretty. Anyways, it’s only four parts, so only pre-existing permanent tags will be added to this story. Reminder: If you want to be removed from the permanent tag list you need to msg me! Sorry in advance. There’s four parts to this story.

Originally posted by heartsnmagic

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Imagine having to sit on Deadpool’s lap

“You gotta be kidding me!” You threw your hands up in the air in disbelief. The car that pulled up was an old blue Honda Civic and it was packed with your friends.

“She’s mad,” Matt stated nonchalantly from the passenger seat. He smiled in your direction, you could see your reflection in his red lensed sunglasses.

“Matt, you’re blind but you even know I can’t fit in the car!”

He grinned and shrugged, “You can sit on someone’s lap or meet us at the party.”

Keep reading

Lying Is The Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off (Sebastian Stan x Reader) Pt. 4

Princess97:  I’ve decided I’m going to be a porn star.

Sebastian let out a small snort as he read the message on his phone. Ever since the picture exchange, the two of you had been texting nonstop. You moved on from the silly chatroom and gave each other your real phone numbers. It was a risky move on his behalf, but being the typical Leo he was, Sebastian liked to live dangerously every once in a while.

SexySeaBass82: Pornhub or Brazzers?

He snickered like a child as he sent the text, grinning like an idiot. He looked back up at the set before him. He had just finished filming an exhausting, yet epic fight scene which he was highly proud of. The dull ache in his muscles let him know ahead of time that he’d be feeling everything tonight.

Princess97: You perv! pornhub is where the mula is.

SexySeaBass82: I think it’s safe to say that I’d be your biggest fan, doll face.

Princess97: You know what I just realized?

Sebastian cackled as he typed his witty reply and hit the send button with lightning speed.

SexySeaBass82: That I’m daddy material? ;)

Princess97: No, that you’re probably older than electricity.

SexySeaBass82: I know you can’t see it, but I’m giving you the middle finger right now. (:

He set his phone down as soon as he saw Anthony and Jeremy making their way over to him. The two men were arguing about which character could take who. Of course, Anthony was convinced Falcon could destroy Hawkeye, but Jeremy was having none of it.

“All I’d have to do is shoot you out of the sky!”

“Not before Red Wing gets his sights on you!”

Sebastian fought the urge to laugh at the two as they stood in front of him. “Seb, tell him the truth before I do.” Anthony reasoned. Jeremy snorted, taking a sip from his water bottle. He’d never say it out loud, but Sebastian was a huge fan of Hawkeye, and when it came down to it, he felt Falcon would take a beating from the archer.

“Nope!” he held up his hands in defense. “I’m not taking any part of this! I’m like Bucky, completely innocent.”

Before any of them could reply, Sebastian’s text tone went off, causing the three men to jump and peer down at his phone. His phone, which was glowing, the text showing the following words:

Princess97: I wonder what else you can give me. ;)

“Oh, damn!” Anthony cackled as he snatched the phone from the chair. “Who is Princess97?”

Sebastian immediately shot up from his seat and wrestled the phone out of the man’s hand. Jeremy bent over, his hands on his knees as he cackled loudly. He would never let this go, Sebastian was sure of it. One sentence, and the entire cast would know of his little flirty texting buddy.

“None of your damn business!” he spat, placing his phone in his pocket.

“Ninety seven doesn’t stand for the actual year, does it?” Anthony teased, elbowing Jeremy as they roared with laughter.

“Hey Seb,” Jeremy chimed in. “What kind of formula do you give her?”

The two men burst into hysterics, catching the eyes of several crew members. Usually, Sebastian would have laughed along, but instead, he felt his face heating up with embarrassment. You weren’t that young. Hell, there’s a lot of people who talk to younger people, so what was the deal? You were of legal age, which was totally fine. Then again, his mom would probably give him a slap if she found out he was flirting with a nineteen year old.

“For your information,” he sassed, sitting back into his seat. “She’s really hot. Get with the winning team, guys.”

“Who’s hot?”

The three men turned around to see a very exhausted Chris in his stealth suit. He scratched the back of his head lazily as he peered between the men curiously.

“Sebastian here’s got himself some jailbait.” Jeremy spoke before taking off towards his trailer before Sebastian could catch him. Chris furrowed his brows as he looked over at his friend. This was absolutely not how he planned this to get out.

“What’s all this talk about jailbait?” he asked as he took the seat beside him. Seb groaned and placed his head in his hands.

“It’s literally all lies,” he told him. “She’s perfectly legal, just a bit younger.”

“How young?” Chris asked, his brow raising in disappointment.

“Nineteen.” Sebastian answered after a long silence.

“Oh thank goodness,” Chris breathed dramatically, placing his hand over his left boob once again. “I thought you meant she was young.”

“She is young.” He admitted. “Fifteen years.”

Chris let out a snort as he pulled out his phone. “Well, Seabass,” he sung as he unlocked his phone.

Make sure you burp her after feeding her, m’kay?” he teased before sprinting off as fast as he could in the same direction Jeremy ran in. 

Sebastian sighed, sinking into his seat.

What on earth was he going to do with these idiots?


You were snuggled on your sofa, scrolling through your Tumblr dashboard, when you heard the theme song of one of your favorite TV shows being to play. It was The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. You loved that guy more than anything, he could always cheer you up when you felt down. 

“Good evening folks, our guest tonight is the one and only…Sebastian Stan!” 

Immediately, your ears perked up at the name. That was the actor Sebastian was in love with. Your head cocked to the side as you realized the two men had the same first names. You shrugged, it was probably a coincidence, right? 

“Here’s your tea, Y/N!” your roommate chimed as she handed you a matching mug. You gave her a quick smile before returning your gaze to the TV. 

“So Sebastian,” Stephen said. “I understand you and Anthony Mackie are quite the duo on set.” You found your eyes focused on the actor’s face, taking in his features. You understood why Sebastian was obsessed with this guy. He was freaking gorgeous. And that jawline -man, that looked like it could cut diamonds. And those steel blue eyes! He was a total babe. 

“Yeah, we’ve grown pretty close these past few months. We even gave each other nicknames.” Stan said as he giggled, his face turning a deep red. 

“Oh? Do share these nicknames, Sebastian!” Stephen mused, earning a bunch of cheers from the crowd, mostly from women. 

You took a sip of your tea, your eyes set on the blue eyed man on the screen as he said the following words. 

“Well, he likes to call me Sexy Sea Bass.” 

The tea in your mouth sprayed all over the screen in front of you, even landing on your roommate’s lap as well as yours. She let out a shriek before jumping out of her seat and pointing an accusing finger at you. 

“What the fuck, Y/N?” she exclaimed, her face twisting into a scowl. 

You stared at the screen, your eyes completely wide with distraught as the man repeated the nickname for a second time. 

“Yeah man, I’m telling you,” he laughed along with Stephen.

 “He calls me Sexy Sea Bass!”

-Fin!

Tag list of super awesome people!

@sebbylover24 @softwintersoldier @ballerinafairyprincess @harrisbn @gingerbatchwife @abigailredgrave @adrianabribiescacortes @sheriwallace123 @the-lazy-leprechaun @theunknownangel62 @abovethesmokestacks @diana-daydreamer @amrita31199 @jezzula @loricameback @sebbyismyking @jamesbarnesblog @claryfray1698 @twinklingstarlight @netflixa @tatortot2701 @winterboobaer @ihavetwobuckystomyname @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x @melconnor2007 @kaitskennedyy @kaykayvoltage53 @livforthegames @dracu-ma-bucky @shieldagentofthemonth @imgettingmarriedtobuckybarnes @buckybarnesbestbabe @witheringblooddemon @lostinspace33 @jenna-luke @bellaballanda @confuzzled-panda @astralbarnes @38leticia @davinaciaire @crazinessgraveyardsandcartoons @marveloussssworld @christynjay @mizzzpink @nottheopera @beebossinner @meganlane84 @adrianabribiescacortes @chou-maitresse @permanent-lines @the-winter-avengerrrrr @dontsassmecastiel @jeylockley @i-am-amora-the-enchantress @addictivewriter @sebbeanstan @gerardwayisapotato

If I forgot to tag you, or your tag isn’t working, pls let me know (i promise you won’t be a bother!)

Also, if I tagged you in the wrong fics, pls let me know as well!

Tags for this series are closed babez ;(

BTS Reaction: Their crush (you) getting drunk and accidently confessing your love

@purplepokemons said: 

Bts reaction to their crush getting drunk and conffesing their love the the member thinking they’re talking to someone else


*gifs aren’t mine unless I say so*

*requests are open*


Jin:

“Y/N you really shouldn’t drink that much!” Jin scolded you and tried to take the drink from you. You looked at who you thought was Jimin and started to vent to him.

“I need to drink Jimin, I want to get my mind off of Jin with that other girl he was with earlier. I really like Jin and it hurts to see him with someone else. I’ve falled for Jin, I honestly have-”

“Y/N, come on you should get some sleep.” He would giggle at your drunken confession and lead you to your room so you could rest. Then in the morning he would ask you about it, and end up confessing to you as well.

Originally posted by jjilljj


Suga:

Suga would be a little drunk aswell, but not as drunk as you. You walked up to who you thought was Tae, and just started talking.

“Oh my god, have you seen Yoongi? Oh my gosh he’s so attractive, and I love how laid back he is. It honestly kind of turns me on. I really want to get to know him. He seems really cool.”

“Well you could start by realizing I’m not Taehyung.” He laughed a little. You looked up and realized it was Yoongi.

“Ohmygod” you said fastly.

“I’d like to get to know you to.” He said.

Originally posted by kuromel


Rap Monster:

“Y/N you should really go to bed, it’s really late. And you are extremely wasted.” Namjoon said.

“I don’t want to Yoongi, Namjoon is still here, I want to see him.” 

He furrowed his eyebrows as you said “yoongi” but he decided to play around with the situation.

“Why do you want to see him?”

“Because I really like him, he’s so nice to me and makes me feel happy when  I’m around him. I just wish he felt the same though.”

“Don’t worry, I think he like you too. Come on let’s sleep.” Namjoon said with a smile across his face.

Originally posted by bangthebae


J-Hope:

You were home alone, and completly drunk. Without thinking, you called you best friend-or who you thought was your best friend- and started talking about Hoseok.

“Y/F/N, you have no idea how crazy he makes me, he’s honestly the greatest person in the world. Wow, I really love him-”

“Y/N.”

“Are you sick? Your voice sounds really low?” You asked.

“Look at your contact name.” He laughed. You looked and it said Hoseok’s contact name. You froze as you heard him laugh.

“Ah you’re so cute Y/N!”

Originally posted by hoseokwhy


Jimin:

“Jin! Hi!” You said as you facetimes “Jin”. Jimin looked at you in confusion.

“Are you ok Y/N? You looked a little, you know, drunk.” Jimin said.

“Yeah Jin, I’m fine. Is Jimin around?” You asked. Jimin finally realized you thought he was Jin, but he was curious about what you had to say about him. So Jimin continued to be “Jin”.

“No, he’s not here right now.” He smirked.

“Good, do you know how Jimin feels about me? I really like him, but I want to know he feels the same before I tell him.

“He really likes you Y/N, he never shuts up about you.” Jimin laughed. “You’re talking to Jimin by the way.”

Originally posted by yoonmin


V:

It was your 20th birthday, so you could now legally drink in Korea. Taehyung took you to a bar along with some of yours and his friends.  You might have went a little overboard with the drinking and got completly wasted. You were sitting alone, and someone sat next to you.

“You look like someone I know.” You said while looking at him. He look at you with a puzzled expression.

“He’s someone I really love, he knows how to make me happy, and he’s just so perfect. I wish he felt the same.” You started to talk about him. 

“What’s his name?” Taehyung asked, with a bit of jealousy.

“Kim Taehyung.”  You smiled and sipped on your drink. He smiled and laughed a little.

“You really are drunk, Y/N I am Taehyung.”

Originally posted by bangtannoonas


Jungkook:

Jungkook told you he was going to be home late from practice today, so you invited your best friend over. Little did you know, she brought achohol and you couldn’t turn down the opportunity. 

A few hours later you both were wasted, and Y/F/N was in the bathroom probably throwing up. You heard footsteps, and you automatically assumed it was Y/F/N.

“I should have never drank that! If Jungkook finds out I drank underage, he’ll never love me back!” You cried.

“You love me?” You heard Jungkook’s voice.

“Oh my gosh, Kookie forgive me!” You ran to him and hugged. He hugged you back and patted the back you your head.

“Don’t worry, I’m not mad. But I do love you back.” He smiled.

Originally posted by donewithjeon


I hope you liked it! I tried my best :) Requests are open!

Status: Inglês

Good vibes, goodbye. 🎡 (Boas vibrações, adeus)

Follows the flow.🎐 (Segue o fluxo)

My life for yours.👫 (Minha vida pela sua)

Don’t forget to smile.💜 (Não esqueça de sorrir)

Another day, another blessing and another chance at life. 🌾 (Outro dia, outra bênção e uma outra chance na vida)

Just be cool. 🌈 (Apenas ser legal)

Impossible to look at her smile and not smile too. 💑 (Impossível olhar para o sorriso dela e não sorrir também)

Just as the moon is made of the life stages.🌀 (Assim como a lua a vida é feita de fases)

Smile even without reason.✨ (Sorria mesmo sem motivos.)

My silence says it all hear anyone.🐦(Meu silencio, diz tudo ouve quem quer.)

Give up give up.🙌 (Desista de desistir)

Beautiful story today has no end.🎶(Historia bonita hoje em dia sem tem fim.)

But anyway, fuck it.💤 (Mas em fim, foda-se.)

Never stop dreaming.🍧 (Nunca pare de sonhar)

If you never try, you’ll never know. 🎐 (Se você nunca tentar você nunca saberá.)

That’s your limit?. ✈ (Esse é seu limite?)

I’m not giving up, just start over.💪 (Eu não vou desistir, basta começar de novo.)

Some people who seem spaced out are actually very smart. 💨 (Algumas pessoas que parecem espaçadas são realmente muito inteligente.)

Some CLAMPs

Tokyo Babylon -  “That’s a real nice heart you got there. Would be a shame if someone were to stab it.”

X/1999 -  “im just gonna leave that knife in your ribs for probably forever. idk.”

Duklyon - “Wanna have some FUN???”

Miyuki-chan in Wonderland - “All Are Lesbian.”

Card Captor Sakura - “Magic and cuteness and goodness so pure you’ll bite straight through your lower lip.”

Magic Knight Rayearth - “Yah, magical RPG adventures are fun, but grief, regret and crushing responsibility are great too, right? Right? Right.”

Clover - “My fragile, steam-punk heart bleeds.”

Chobits -  “Your penis just got tricked. Have some emotions instead.”

xxxHOLiC -  “spooky gay boob depression.”

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle -  “Don’t look all betrayed. You knew a storm was coming.”

Legal Drug -  “Oh, I’m sorry, you thought xxxHOLiC was gay? You ain’t seen nothing yet babe.”

Gate 7 -  “Those who don’t learn from history something something.”

The Arrangement

Originally posted by dean-sam-winchesterbros

Summary: in an AU where the Winchester family owns a multi-million dollar company, Dean’s in a bit of a pinch. Grandpa Samuel is threatening to cut him off if he doesn’t straighten out and stop getting into trouble. Instead of taking some responsibility, Dean comes up with an ingenious plan: find someone to pretend to be his girlfriend. You and Dean have never gotten along, but a fake relationship seems to be beneficial to you both…

Pairing: AU Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,700

Warnings: language, general rudeness (from Dean), mild angst?

A/N: so this is my new idea for a series! It’s all my brain will do right now. It’s a little rough right now, but I’m hoping you guys like it. Also the title is terrible but it’s all I could come up with.

Keep reading

May Sweeps Preview and Finale Spoilers

LUCIFER

PRE-FINALE: Lucifer returns to town on May 1 with a plan to deal with both Mom and Chloe “and it’s going to make neither of them happy,” says showrunner Joe Henderson. “But it’s something Lucifer feels like he needs to do.” Subsequent episodes will take a look at the Lucifer/Trixie (see photo) and Chloe/Maze relationships; introduce Timothy Omundson (Psych) as a psych patient/murder suspect who is legally named God and “appears to know more than he should”; and dabble in “mismatched pairings” such as Chloe/Charlotte and Amenadiel/Dan, while putting Dr. Linda’s career in jeopardy.

SEASON FINALE (MAY 29):  In “The Good, the Bad and the Crispy,” “Everything comes to a head, as Lucifer finally answers the question of: What do you do with a problem called Mom?‘” says Henderson. “It’s the biggest episode we’ve ever done,” as well as the most special effects-heavy. “It’s explosive, but most importantly, it wraps up the Season 2 storyline and then ends on a cliffhanger that sets up what Season 3 is going to be. I hope to have people throwing stuff at the TV when it ends!”