is in shit

something that he can’t quite place

NOTES: All right y’all. The first paragraph of that EW article sounded like it was the beginning of an enemies to lovers fanfiction. So I wrote the drabble that could have followed it! You’ll also spot a little of what Adam Driver had to say about Kylo’s fascination with Rey. ;)

He hates her. This girl. This garbage picker. This amateur who somehow drew his family lightsaber to her hand, overpowering his own bond with the Force.

She defeated him in the Starkiller interrogation room, and then he lost the battle against her in that frozen forest. She left him more dead than not, bleeding out red life on the white snow. Now Kylo has scars to remember the worst night of his life by, every mistake he made branded on his skin, all thanks to that girl.

He has to hate her. Scavenger and would-be rebel and Jedi acolyte: Rey.

Still, Kylo dreams of her. He sees her on the island, such a pretty, stubborn creature who bullies Luke into taking up the mantle of teacher again. He witnesses her tenacity while training, her beauty as she meditates, her power at all times. And as much as he despises it, he can’t help but admire her.

He’s never had a peer before. No one anywhere near his age, either ally or enemy, who could match him. It strikes familiarity and fear in him, and something else. Something that he can’t quite place.

Until one night, in the throes of his never-peaceful sleep, Rey sees him too.

It’s raining, her hair has fallen down, and her clothes are soaked. She looks lovely and strong, breathing hard when she asks, “Kylo?”

It’s a shock, hearing his name from her. The sound of it in Rey’s accent is foreign, her familiarity unexpected. No one calls him Kylo. It’s Ren or Lord Ren, always, and it startles him to hear Rey address him like she’s an equal.

She is, he supposes, despite her lack of training. Starkiller proved that.

“Rey,” he says–the first time he’s allowed himself to speak her name aloud.

She stumbles backward, scowling. Still afraid of him then. Good. He wants her to fear him, to see the man who stole her on Takodana, the creature who sifted through her mind while she was trapped. Not a weakling she left for dead in the snow.

“What are you doing here?” she asks.

Kylo has no lightsaber to draw, not in the midst of a dream, and it wouldn’t matter anyway. This isn’t real, not in the way of flesh and blood.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he said. “Why bother staying when my uncle refuses to teach you?”

“You–you’ve been watching me?” Rey asks.

She backs away again, reaching for a lightsaber that isn’t there (that isn’t hers anyway).

Kylo catches up to her easily. He’s larger, stronger, faster. If he hadn’t gone into their battle already wounded he’d have overpowered her, won her like a prize and carried her back to his master. But when he takes Rey by her shoulders, he finds her solid under his hands, as if they were truly standing on the same ground. That sense of something else, something more, overwhelms him, and for the first time Kylo faces it for what it is.

He wants her. As an ally, a student, a friend, maybe even a lover. He wants this scavenger girl who shamed him. He wants Rey.

The More Important Animal

Context: I play a Ranger Elf who has the Beastmaster sub-class and a panther familiar.

DM: You enter the next room. In it, you see four goblins, a bugbear, and his wolf.

Me: Nobody kill the wolf! During my turn i’ll try to calm him and let him free.


DM: The wolf turns to Luxio (my panther) and attacks him, dealing 9 damage.

Me: … Ok nevermind kill the wolf if you want he’s already dead to me.

(We ended up letting him go anyway)

evil-empress-in-training  asked:

Have you read cursed child? Any thoughts?

Ohohohoho yeah I have thoughts, I have a hell of a fucking lot of thoughts and very very few of them are good. 

The good things first: Draco Malfoy redemption arc, Slytherin Albus, Scorpius Malfoy is the world’s cutest fucking bean, Hermione Granger is the Minister for Magic, Ron Weasley makes Dad jokes… oh, and Harry’s scared of pigeons which is very logical and which I appreciated.

The not good things? Buckle up bud, we’re going for a ride.

First the fuck off (just to clarify my angry sweary tone in this post is directed at CC, not at you, you, I am sure, are very precious and lovely and have never done anything worthy of being sworn at ever), the treatment of Hermione’s character in that alternative timeline where she teaches at Hogwarts? 

Appalling. Disgusting. It makes me a bit sick in my throat.

This is Hermione fucking Granger, brightest witch of her age, most hardworking fucker you’ve ever met, unfathomably Goal Oriented, tough as fucking nails (remember when she fought a war knowing that her parents didn’t even remember who she was and wouldn’t grieve her if she died, wouldn’t even know?), and they turned her into a Snape-wannabe abusive teacher, every awful reductive stereotype of ‘spinsterhood’ ever, because she didn’t end up with a bloke? Which basically reduces the fact that she’s Minister in the main reality to a side-effect of her being married to Ron? Let me be clear—I love Ron, this isn’t a criticism of Ron at all, it’s a criticism of the barbaric reduction of Hermione’s character and achievements to being dependant on her husband. It’s fucking gross and it appalls me. 

Second the fuck off, Cedric. Cedric fucking Diggory, who was moral and fair and just, who called for a rematch of a Quidditch game he’d won fair and square because a player on the other team got injured, who agreed to share the glory with Harry in the tournament, who helped Harry out with the second clue because fair is fair and Harry helped him… became a Death Eater. Not just became a Death Eater, but became a Death Eater because he was embarrassed at not winning something? Fuck off. Literally just fuck off, go shit on the grave of someone who deserved it, keep your fucking piss-poor excuse for writing away from Cedric Diggory.

Third off, Harry. Oh. Fucking. Boy. Like… I can’t even realistically begin to explain this one, apart from to state that I don’t believe whoever wrote him in this ever read the actual books or considered Harry’s character at all. Harry James Potter would never treat a child the way he treats Al in Cursed Child, he would never hold such a petty grudge against Slytherin after the war and all he went through, and he’d certainly never believe bullshit rumours about an innocent child after the media slandering he went through. He just wouldn’t. And you know what? Even if in the real world that kind of character development (and by development I mean change or transition, not improvement) made any logical sense (which as previously stated, I don’t think it does in any fucking way), it’s not a fucking acceptable thing for them to have done to the character of a survivor of childhood abuse, of loss, of PTSD, who stands as an idol for so many. I genuinely felt, reading Cursed Child, as though someone had come into my home and pissed on everything I hold dear, and I don’t even rely on Harry as a role model in the way that, as I just mentioned, real world abuse and trauma survivors might. Yes, every parent has flaws and fucks up sometimes. Yes, Harry might face some unique challenges considering his lack of secure parental figures. No, the shit they made of his character in CC is not the result, and not something I accept. Except the pigeon thing, because pigeons are gross and not liking them makes sense as I previously stated.

Fourth: Why the fuck was Rose such a socially manipulative, snotty, and generally shallow little shit? That is not the child of Hermione “stick up for the underdog” Granger and Ron “here take my food and my family’s love even though I don’t have enough to begin with” Weasley. Just bollocks.

Fifth: Voldemort and Bellatrix have a secret purple-haired baby with a stupid fucking name that I can’t even remember, I’m sorry, just… I can’t. 

Six: “Hey, you know what would be fun? Lets write a romantic relationship between these two characters but then, because they’re both boys, just shoehorn a het relationship in there and say JOKES! Wasn’t a romance all along, even though it’s chock full of trademark romantic tropes and would have been the perfect opportunity to use this enormous fuck-off franchise that reaches so many people to do some good and show support for diversity and the LGBTQA+ community, but you know what, we’re money grabbing arseholes who don’t want to lose the money by pushing the boat out”. I can’t begin to handle the bullshit on this one, it’s such fucking crap and such underhanded, nasty crap too, I was so fucking angry because Al and Scorps’ relationship was actually so tender and lovely and I’m not trying to say it’s not important to write fulfilling supportive male friendships, it is, but that’s not what they wrote: they wrote a romance and are too fucking chickenshit to call it what it is.

Seventh: where the fuck is Teddy Lupin? 

I could go on, I could go on probably for literal years because I am filled with incandescent rage and I know loads of people say it’s better on stage and that’s great, I’m really glad the director and set and costume and cast managed to salvage something from the fucking wreckage that is the appalling writing, but in the end you can’t polish a turd and the Cursed Child is a load of fucking shite.

Anyway, I hope you have a good evening and again my apologies for the Tone of this I just have a lot of feelings but genuinely thank you for the question that was really cathartic…