is fine with these motherfuckers

2

Ray: Phone’s ringing, someone should probably get that.
Ray: Not it

Ryan: Bit busy

Jack: Who’s phone is it anyway
Jack: because it sure as hell ain’t mine

Ray: That’d be a great question if I knew the answer

Gavin: I think it’s Michael’s phone

Ray: Where’d he disappear to anyway?

Jack: I swear to God if he got arrested again…

Ryan: Well
Ryan: That might be a little bit my fault.

Ray: Rest in pieces, MJ

Ryan: Oh, he’s fine!
Ryan: Just a little bit lost.

Michael: RYAN YOU MOTHERFUCKER.

Me seeing Coop after 25 years
  • me, seeing bad!Coop: No no no. Go away you piece of shit. -12/10. Get this ugly piece of trash off my screen. Ugly ass mullet. Ugly ass tan. Fucking gross piece of shit.
  • me, seeing good!Coop: YAAS! MY HUSBAND IS BACK. GOOD SHIT. GOOD SHIT. A++++. 11/10. YOU AGED DAMN FINE MY FRIEND. LIKE YOU SLICC MOTHERFUCKER
The paladins false god

Context: I’m currently in two campaigns, and in my first campaign the party of five had a series of critical failures and bad luck against a single goblin, and jokingly named him the goblin god Yeemic and are going to start a cult in his name since he almost wiped out our party. I explained this story to my party members in the second campaign. The following later ensued between me, a dragonborn paladin, and my friends

Paladin: By the grace of Bahamut I will do what I can.

Bard: Please, you don’t actually worship Bahamut.

Paladin: Yes I do, I’m a freaking dragon, what else would I worship.

Bard(to the DM): I’d like to roll an insight check.

DM: I’ll allow it.

(Nat 20)

Bard: Bullshit you worship Bahamut!

Paladin: FINE, PRAISE YEEMIC MOTHERFUCKER!

DM: Well, I guess I have to allow that now…

Saturdays (pt 1)

Genre: Fluff/Smut (in pt 2)

Member: Jungkook

Warnings: None 

Word Count: 4484

Summary: After three months of loneliness and insecurities while on tour, Jungkook comes home to you.

Part 2

This is just pure fluff tbh. But Part 2 will much more explicit (and will be posted within the next two or three days at most). Enjoy!


You weren’t sure exactly how long you’d been sitting on the window seat with your knees pulled into your chest, the cool wall leaching all the warmth from your spine through the thick material of your hoodie. All day you’d been lounging in the comfort of your apartment, basking in the calming serenity of the pouring rain pattering against the wide window. The view of the Seoul skyline piercing the gray swirling clouds above was beautiful in the most hazy and sleepy way, almost as if the entirety of South Korea had just woken up from a Saturday-afternoon nap and hadn’t yet wiped the sleep from its eyes.

Saturdays were one of your favorite days, mainly because you didn’t have to worry about your usual responsibilities of college and work. You preferred to spend most of your Saturdays at home to recharge before having to finish up any assignments you’d been procrastinating over on Sunday, and you often found yourself devoting Saturdays to pampering yourself. Eating whatever you wanted, messily slathering on a face mask, taking a long steaming bath to relax your tense muscles, the works. At that point in the day, you’d already cooked yourself chocolate chip pancakes (You woke up around 11:30am, but who’s to say pancakes have to be reserved solely for breakfast time?) while your favorite moisturizing mask was caked on your skin. You stuffed the fluffy, sweet deliciousness in your face ravenously as you binge-watched YouTube videos, the only worry you had being that you may not have enough syrup.

Now you sat, four hours later, curled up by the window, still sucked into the void that is YouTube and enjoying the melancholy rainfall that was baptizing the streets of Seoul.

As much as you loved Saturdays, you couldn’t help but feel sad that you’d spent so many without your boyfriend around to participate in the self-care. The two of you had made it a tradition to spend Saturdays together and bond over cartoons and unhealthy snacks. Even though he basically lived with you when he wasn’t forced to stay at the dorms or travel for a tour, Jungkook was insistent on coming over and talking about each of your weeks through mouthfuls of pizza.

Keep reading

More Shiro is A Nerd™ Headcanons
  • I don’t know why I didn’t put this on the first one but MY MANS IS BISEXUAL HE IS BISEXUAL SHIRO IS BISEXUAL TAKASHI SHIROGANE IS BISEXUAL! BISEXUAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
  • He has cheap tastebuds. He’d pick McDonald’s over Five Guys any day
  • He works out and then rewards himself with ice cream right after. His friends and family have no idea how he looks the way he does. 
  • He usually tends to put others before himself, but he’s actually pretty good at making time for himself when he needs it. 
  • Teaching: 
    • Garrison: He’s always wanted to be a pilot (which he became) but when the opportunity to teach the new kids how to fly he didn’t hesitate to take the job. He wanted to pass on his love for space and flying to the next gen of pilots. 
    • Modern AU: Kinda the same, but he was a pilot in the military before he started teaching. He loves telling his students about how he flew so high he thought he could touch the stars. 
    • Every year he throws a holiday party in class
      • “I don’t want any presents” 
      • He ends up with at least ten presents every year 
  • He’s a lightweight. Two drinks and he’s smashed. Very happy drunk. 
  • Bitches slept on him in high school!!!!!! “He’s cute but I don’t like him that way :/” His senior year he looked FINE AS A MOTHERFUCKER and everyone wanted some of that but he was too busy getting excepted into tons of prestigious colleges to care 

Luke is entirely chill throughout this whole Ewok fiasco, like he’s just here telling everyone to give up their weapons and laughing at Han’s anger and all around like, “Lol we’ll be fine, y'all.”

This is a game to him. It’s all a motherfucking game.

SNK Headcanons Pairing: Erwin x Levi

Punk and Dork AU where Erwin is the guy who wears a solid color sweater over his shirts and has his hair combed back neatly like a dork (hot dork, though), while Levi is basically the Instagram aesthetic punk with artistic tattoos running down his arms and piercings practically everywhere. 

  • Levi works at the bookstore downtown where Erwin studies and has a natural affinity for yelling at the kids who don’t put the books back where they belong. It’s even scarier because they’re being scolded by a man less than 5′5 with a broom he keeps in the storage closet for “emergencies”.
  • Erwin studies at the local university and gets ranked the top of his class each semester, earning himself a reputation that even Levi starts to notice. But it’s not until Erwin needs to get new textbooks (someone spilled coffee on his *cough* Connie *cough*) that the two of them meet over clashed heads and a lecture. Levi shoves him out with his broom and threatens to cut out his stupid sweater.
  • Each week Erwin makes time for himself to visit the bookstore, while Levi ensures that there’s always a special spot for him to read where it’s quiet and no one will disturb him. 
  • When Erwin asks him if he should get a certain type of book Levi objects right away and gives him several recommendations with comments of his own. It’s only then that Erwin notices how Levi enjoys his job not for yelling at the kids, but to get away from the world around him, and in that way, he finds something they have in common amongst the many differences. So he simply sits there criss-crossed on the floor, listening to Levi rant on about how this book got a Pulitzer Prize or this book sucked ass, shit like that.
  • They end up staying at the bookstore that day until 12 AM, with Levi reading to him his favorite book for the sixth time (Lés Miserables), while Erwin groggily listens and struggles to stay awake. He notices and puts down the book, quietly slipping away to get a blanket to join him. 
  • Is it just Levi, or are Erwin’s sweaters really warm? He thinks it’s just him.
  • One day they’re out near the cafe at the University when Levi asks him if his tattoos/piercings make him uncomfortable to be around with. He later explains that he just couldn’t bear to stay a part of his past anymore as his own family left him for being gay, not to mention some of his only friends abandoned him after hearing the news. So he started afresh and made a new image that fitted him. He opened the bookstore to isolate himself from his own problems and buried himself in words instead.
  • Of course Erwin nearly tears up (don’t tell me he ain’t a sweet little bun on the inside) and stands up right there in the front of the cafe and crushes him in a hug so tight he hears one of Levi’s piercings come loose.’
  • “Your tattoos are majestic, your piercings are so gorgeous—Levi, I don’t give a dog shit if you wore Crocs and polo shirts everywhere. I’d never let go of you, still, so you can stop worrying about whether I’m uncomfortable around you or not.”
  • “You fine-ass motherfucker you just made one of my piercings come loose. That hurt like hell!”
  • A few years pass. They’ve been dating for awhile and share an apartment with a Siamese cat that’s their adoptive kid. Levi still enjoys how Erwin likes to pop up from behind him and tug him back to the bedroom for more morning breath-filled kisses, and the way he massages each of his tattoos with careful fingers after kissing them. Erwin is quietly obsessed with the way Levi likes to curve around him when they sleep on the couch after reading and the rare smiles he gives when the two of them go  buy books together. He gives Levi piggy-back rides down the block and in turn Levi lifts him easily around again. The punk and dork. Yeah, that sounds like a wonderful combination. It’s also the nickname they’ve received when the others received word of their relationship.
  • The last month of the year arrives, December. They spend their third Christmas together outside, hurtling violent snow boulders at each other and playing tackle in the snow. Crappy Christmas movies come after followed by take-out from Levi’s favorite restaurant. A blizzard hits, but they’ve been expecting it so Erwin sits the both of them down near the tree.
  • The weird shine in Erwin’s pocket attracts Levi immediately.
  • “What’s that?”
  • “Hm? What’s what?”
  • “Don’t play dumbass, you’re hiding something. Come on, it’s our third Christmas and I’ve seen everything from your sloppy eating habits to your dick.”
  • He pulls out the silver ring and Levi suddenly goes numb.
  • Of course, he accepts it with an opened mouth kisses directly on the lips.

The sheets tried and failed to keep him covered, but how was he to blame for Erwin’s annoying habit to hog the blankets, even after he’d proposed?

Not like he was going to sleep anyway. Levi was still admiring the light the window gave him as it reflected off the silver of the band delicately. He’d be glad to sit out in the cold if only to gawk at the ring for another century to come.

1:00, the alarm beside the bed read, the night still fresh and cold from the blizzard earlier. His eyes didn’t want to stay open anymore, to his disappointment. An annoyed grumble, and he yanked part of the sheets to his side, a sleepy Erwin protesting weakly but eventually gave in, turning to face Levi and threw a shaped arm on him to push him closer.

If only he’d seen the engraving on the interior of the ring, though. A pair of wings, marking the start of a future with freedom and choice for the two.


I’m doing this instead of starting my literature paper.

yourpllot  asked:

L (stolen kiss) and holsom please?

“Shh,” Ransom hissed before he dissolved into giggles again.

“You’re the one who keeps laughing,” Holster shot back, still pulling him down the hallway. They were at Faber, they had just won their last regular season game, and they were headed back to the Frozen Four. Ransom’s happiness was definitely warranted, but it was not great for sneaking.

Ransom followed him down the twisting hallways to the old equipment room, far away from the rest of the celebrating team.

“Okay, are we finally far enough away?” Ransom asked, just resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

“Bro, you know we can’t afford the fines anymore, and technically it’s playoffs so they’re doubled now. Do you wanna live in a nice place after graduation or a shithole?”

“What exactly do you think we’re gonna do that would get us fined so much we’d have to live in a shithole?” Ransom asked, arching an eyebrow.

“I could think of a few things,” Holster smirked at him.

“We’re not doing any of that outside of the attic,” Ransom warned him.

“Alright, alright. Can I kiss you now?”

“Obviously.”

Holster still hadn’t let go of Ransom’s hand, and he pulled him closer to grab his other hand. “Good job, Captain,” Holster said as he leaned in for the kiss.

Ransom pulled back a little bit. “Wait, is that like - does that do it for you? And how did I not know this yet?”

“Um, a little bit?” Holster looked flustered.

“Good to know,” Ransom pulled him back in, and the flush on Holster’s cheeks wasn’t from embarrassment anymore, and definitely had something to do with the fact that Ransom had managed to get his hands free and was grabbing Holster’s ass.

They were interrupted barely a minute later by a scream of “MOTHERFUCKING FINE CO CAPS”. Ransom was so startled he nearly fell over, and Holster grabbed his arm to keep him steady.

“Shitty, you don’t even go here!” Holster complained.

“Once a Wellie, always a Wellie,” Shitty said sagely.

“What are you even doing back here?” Ransom groused.
“Shits, are you back here?”

“Ooooh,” Ransom and Holster chorused at the sound of Lardo’s voice.

“Do we need to have another pot/kettle discussion?” Ransom asked.

“Uhhhh,” Shitty said eloquently.

“Tell you what,” Holster said, “we won’t mention it if you don’t.”

“Mention what?” Lardo stuck her head into the room. “Shouldn’t you two be celebrating with the rest of the team?”

“And that’s our cue,” Holster said, following Ransom out of the old equipment room. They had gone maybe 200 m before Ransom stopped him and kissed him again.

“Risky business,” Holster murmured when he finally pulled back.

“I’m thinking we should just declare tonight a fine-free zone,” Ransom said.

“Oh, you don’t like the clandestine kisses?” Holster waggled his eyebrows.

“We’ll spend half the party hiding if we keep the fines,” Ransom argued.

“Yeah, but we’ll have to see Chow all over Farmer if we don’t. Not to mention Jack and Bitty.”

“Really, you’d be looking at other people if there were no fines?”

“I-” Holster started to protest, then shrugged. “Okay, but don’t complain when there’s no cookies because Bitty is getting busy.”

“A) he would anyways, b) who says that anymore?, c) he already made cookies and tried to hide them.”

“Okay, fine-free zone it is.”

“ ‘Swawesome.”

Their argument had carried them back to the dressing room, and Ransom yelled “NO FINES TONIGHT!” before turning to kiss Holster again, completely ignoring the cheering that followed his announcement.

Holster definitely wasn’t complaining.


~~~

Finally! Sorry this took so long friend (this was requested way before the bus trip, so I made sure to do it first). Hope you like it

anonymous asked:

when will they stop abusing us tho?

They won’t? To paraphrase Kanye and Jay-Z, the motto seems to be stunt so hard motherfuckers wanna fine me. For celebs, this shit is working. So many are on the stunt train these days. Meanwhile I’m sitting here, to quote Kanye and Jay-Z, like that shit cray. LOL

This is the brave not-so-new world. Things are just more blatant these days–inside and outside the fandom.  Ironically, despite the fact that we’re living in the information age, it’s even easier to manipulate people. The fact that you can now tailor what you consume to your own tastes means unless you seek out a broader pov, you could very well be playing the fool.

But just from your question it seems you’re woke enough to know everything is not what it seems, Lawrence. Therefore, I say to you that you aren’t being abused. It’s the ones that don’t know any better or won’t accept that things are shady that are being abused. You, like a whole bunch of us, are just having a less than great experience as a fan due to said shadiness.

Knowledge is power. How can you get played if you recognize game? Stay woke, my friends.

i