is a fortune teller

Cuphead bosses with modern jobs

Root Pack/Cagney- florists/botanists/gardener

Goopy le Grande- stim slime videos (he can pop everything back in place and he loves being squished)

Hilda Berg- pilot I guess

Ribby and Croaks- boxing instructors?

Baroness von bon bon- health instructor (dont eat my subjects! Its unhealthy morally and physically! Its goes to ur conscience and ur thighs!)

Djimmi the great- magician/fortune teller

Beppi the clown- event clown (probs with Djimmi)

Wally warbles- bird idk

Grim matchstick- local gay

Rumor Honeybottoms- save the bees charity by selling honey

Captain brineybeard- cruise ship captain idk

Werner/Dr. Kahl- inventor?

Cala Maria- marine biologist?

Sally Stageplay- a fucking actor, what else would she be

Phantom Express- you know those “escape the room” things? That but like some of the people trying to escape are actors and its a murder train mystery

King dice- gamblers anonymous?

Devil- the Devil

A chunk of chapter twelve because I love you

(Shifu goes to visit a fortune teller.)

“Please sit,” she said, gesturing to a little table. “I’ll get the tea.”

She left him alone in the little room, looking nervous and uncomfortable. “How are you enjoying the Valley of Peace?” Shifu asked. “Are you finding business good here?”

“Very good, thank you. The people couldn’t be kinder,” she replied. “It’s been a lovely three months. But I don’t believe I’ve seen you before. I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name?”

“Oh! Oh how rude of me. I am Shifu. Master Shifu.”

“Master Shifu? From the Jade Palace? My, what an honor!” She set down two cups and poured the tea. “My name is Mrs. Xan, but you may call me Lihua.”

Shifu raised an eyebrow. “Mr. Xan doesn’t object to you entertaining late callers?”

She chuckled. “He passed many years ago, so I’m afraid he no longer gets a say.”

Shifu winced and looked down into his teacup. “I – I apologize.”

“No need. I’m the seer, not you.” She smiled, sat down, and unwrapped a deck of cards from a piece of red silk. “Here, you take these.”

She pushed the deck over to him.

“What do I do with them?”

“Just hold them and tell me what brings you here.”

He studied the cards for a moment. “I’ve never seen cards such as these.”

“Not many have. They’re a Western invention. They’re called ta luo pai, but in the West they’re known as tarot. My family were spice merchants. We came across all manner of odd things from afar. I’ve been using them for fifty years and have found them to be much more straightforward than Chinese systems.”

Shifu nodded. “Perhaps this is why I’ve been told such glowing things about your sight.”

“Glowing! My my,” she said. “I feel more welcome here all the time.”

They smiled at one another.

“Go on,” she said, tapping the table with a well-manicured claw. “Shuffle them, and think of your question.”

“Do – do I say it out loud, or?”

“If you like.”

Shifu cleared his throat and set about shuffling the deck. “Very well. I’d – I’d like to know …” He winced here, a spasm of deep regret passing over his face, “I’d like to know the fate of my … my children. What befell them.”

She frowned. “It is a dire question that brings you here so late. Think of them, and shuffle till you feel you are done.”

Shifu did as she asked.

“Put them in the middle of the table, and cut the deck into thirds.”

He did this too. She stacked the cards up in the opposite order Shifu had placed them, picked up the deck, and began to flip cards out onto the table. Two, at first, a man running with a sword, and a woman sitting with one.

“A boy and a girl?”

“Yes. Well. Man and woman, they’re not little children.”

“Big children,” she said and smiled. “But they’re always little children to their parents, aren’t they? I’ve three of my own. No nonsense with either of yours, I see. Warriors of your palace?”


She placed two cards more cards below the first. “She feels caught between two things, two options. Two paths perhaps,” she said, pointing to a dancer juggling two coins. She pointed to the other card, a naked woman floating in a wreath. “He feels he has the world at his fingertips. Or he did. The card is upside down.” She looked up at Shifu. “They are missing?’

He nodded.

“Well. Let us see what became of them.” She adjusted her glasses and flipped more cards. “A long and difficult journey. Conflict, much conflict between them,” she said, pointing to a card that bore a man and a woman in a boat with yet more swords, and a set of flying sticks. She placed another, a building struck by lightning and falling to the ground.  “Goodness,” she said. “A disaster.”

Shifu’s face fell.

A heart with three swords through it. “A broken heart, my my my. But then – hmmm.” She stopped on a card, a robed man holding a wand in the air. She threw three more, a reclining person made of stone, a little boy offering a girl a flower, and a man and woman standing naked beneath the wings of an angel.

She looked perplexed.

“What is it?” Shifu asked.

“These are your children, you said?”


“A man and a woman?”


She flipped another card. A man and a woman facing one another, bearing cups. She bit her lip.

“What - ?” Shifu asked. “What is it, what do you see?”

“They – they’re - “ she stammered, throwing another card, this time a demon with a naked man and woman chained about the neck. “Oh my.”

“You’re killing me,” Shifu said flatly.

“I’m sorry,” Lihua said. “I’m…are they … siblings?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

“By …by blood?” she asked with a tinge of anxiety.

“No no, adopted. There’s no blood relation among the three of us. I took them in as children, trained them to be warriors. They never even met until … until recently.”

She held her hand to her chest and gave a great sigh of relief.

“Why do you ask?’ Shifu said.

“Well it would be the first time I’ve had to tell a father that his children have eloped.”

Originally posted by shaysa01

from a M rated Taigress fic that lives here or if you prefer here


🌿 witch + fortune teller 🔮

requested by @xphandelionx

  • Cassian: (walks into Elain's room, sits on the bed)
  • Elain: Uh, what are you doing?
  • Cassian: I'm here for my appointment.
  • Elain: ...
  • Cassian: My reading. I decided on this time three days ago.
  • Elain: (rubs her temples) Cassian. I'm not a fortune teller.
  • Cassian: If you're not a fortune teller, then how did you know this is when I'd be showing up for my appointment?
  • Elain: I didn't.
  • Cassian: (winks) Of course you didn't. Let's talk about Nesta.