is a bowl so hard to get

We always say Jungkook is the golden maknae and I think a lot of people think of that as him being the golden boy: prefect at anything and everything, a quick study, a sweetheart, etc. But today, a thought struck me… gold, the element, is malleable and ductile. This basically means that it bends under pressure. But look at Jungkook. He’s not infallible; he relies so heavily on the other members (which is by no means a bad thing, he was practically raised by them since he was, what, like 15??). But he learns and he gets stronger and he adapts and just?? completing blows everyone’s mind bc he’s always working so hard and he rarely lets it show when he’s hurting (the other members have talked about this too) Anyways, my point is: he isn’t the golden maknae because he’s perfect. He’s the Golden Maknae because of all the effort he puts into everything he does (he takes bOWLING LESSONS for goodness sake). also, fun fact, gold is thought to be created from stars colliding into each other and most of the planet’s gold is probs in the core of the planet. Jungkook is the center of the world okay bye

Every time I see “guilt” or “sin” associated with food I roll my eyes so hard I’m worried they’re going to get stuck.

“5 Super Bowl Snacks you Don’t Have to Feel Guilty About!” Dear God Brenda just eat the nachos. They’re special, they make you happy, and some nachos for the Super Bowl are not going to make or break anything.

By all means, make the lettuce wraps too, but do so because they’re healthy and yummy, maybe they align with your goals better. But guilt and shame and sin shouldn’t never be associated with food. It is not healthy. It should not be normalized.

Food does not have morality. Food does not change your worth as a person.

good food feelings
  • opening a family sized bag of chips and having the feeling of “i never have to buy chips ever again because there are so many chips in this bag”
  • the feeling of a cold glass bowl full of ice cream making your hands nice and chilly
  • biting into a smore that you thought you cooked too much to find that it still tastes delicious
  • really hot hot chocolate with really cold whipped cream on top
  • the perfect state that cereal reaches from 30-seconds to 90-seconds after pouring the milk where it’s not so hard that it scrapes the top of your mouth but it’s not too mushy that it feels gross
  • the crunch of lettuce and onion you get when taking the first bite of a warm burger
  • opening a soda on a warm summer night sleepover 
  • sorting fruit snacks by shape and then eating the extras so all of the groups are equal and then eating 1 fruit snack from each of the groups until they’re all gone so there’s no imbalance
  • having leftovers that still taste good after reheating them
  • otter-pops halfway through melting so ur not just eating ice but also it’s not just weirdly thick fruit juice
  • eating alone at home, allowing yourself to eat whatever comfort food or weird combination you want without the fear of people judging what you eat or how much you eat. tortilla chips in a ham sandwich? delicious. dipping carrots in ketchup? live it up. pancakes for dinner? hell yeah. speaking of which…
  • pancakes, bacon, sausage, egg, and hasbrowns for dinner
  • having a warm feeling in your stomach after eating some good soup 
  • carrying a good-sized bag of snacks out of a gas station midway into a long road trip
  • movie popcorn. somehow popcorn at a movie theater ALWAYS tastes different than homemade popcorn
  • opening a box of pizza and seeing the full pizza there. no one has eaten any yet, and there is a 0% chance of opening it to be disappointed that there’s none left. it’s all there, and it’s all fresh, and it’s destiny is now in your hands
  • any/every form of potato based food. just, like, in general. tater tots, french fries, hashbrowns, potato medallions, mashed potatoes, etc. all of them are perfect foods and all of them taste perfect w/ ketchup
  • a big ol mouthful of sticky rice
  • eating on the couch while watching TV with your loved ones
  • tha cronch of appl
  • the feeling of satisfaction you get when you try a new recipe and it tastes good on the first try
  • having a friend cook you something that tastes good and seeing the look of joy on their face when they see you like it
  • eating something youve been craving all day and feeling 100% satisfied with it
Camren 2017: They’re So Obvi

Okay. First let me apologize for the delay in getting this theory out to you guys. The last few days have been crazy busy. Secondly…grab a bowl of popcorn and warm cup of tea…this is going to get interesting. I’m sure the skeptics will try to refute any and all evidence I am going to provide in this post. So, “screw you in advance. don’t like it? don’t agree? ignore it. please don’t insult me or my fellow munchkins”. Now that all the preliminary stuff is out of the way…

Camren is alive in 2017. I believe that Lauren and Camila are not only on good terms but also seeing each other on the low again. Crazy right? Hard to believe, I know but the evidence I’ve gathered has me convinced. I’ll start with the release of Camila’s CITC and IHQ video and single. Camila released her debut single CITC on May 19th…two days before on the 17th I came across this photo…

I’m not sure if she followed the Camren account on the 17th or if she followed them along time ago, but I think it was recent. It showed up in my recent suggested likes and posted the same day I found it.
Then on the 19th, the day CITC was released, a photo of Lauren was posted to a stylist IG wearing a wig with bangs…

Not a big deal for most. But my delusional triggered camren mind sees the wig with bangs as a nod to Camila and the release of her single and her new hairdo. I get it. I’m reaching super far with that one right? Well when was the last time we saw Lauren with bangs in a photo? (where she wasn’t a toddler) And the photo happens to post the day Camila’s first single debuts? Coincidence? If you’ve been in this fandom long enough you know that word doesn’t exist.  On May 16th before the picture of Mani following the Manip Squad surfaced and before the Lauren wig pic posted another screenshot surfaced. 

…on the 16th Camila posted some snippets from her music video and supposedly Lauren liked the video. Speculation says that Mila deleted the third video clip because Lauren “accidentally” liked the video. 😏 we know how Lauren likes to accidentally like things…funny how her likes are only accidental when it comes to Mila. Camila is well into her press tour for both her new singles and on the 19th of May after the successful debut of CITC, Mila did an interview with Power 106 FM…

https://youtu.be/4M95O9N_lyw  (link to interview)

in the interview she clarifies the interviewer that her album is NOT about boys…now I know that can be interpreted many ways. But if you’re singing about experiences and relationships and you say the album isn’t about boys (I’m sure she will discuss some 5H things but not for the entire album) then who is the album about Mila? Sorry to inform your representatives…but I think your gay is showing. 

Okay, still hanging in there with me? Excellent. Let’s keep going. On May 21st, Camila made her solo performance debut performing IHQ and CITC at the 2017 Billboard Music Awards…she killed both performances. 😩🙌 Anyway…some of her red carpet photos surfaced and there are some inexplicable scratches on her arms that kind of look like they could have come from a dog or cat.  And who recently got a puppy named Leo? Lauren, that’s who. And who also has a dog named Leo? Camila, that’s who. Lauren was definitely around when Camila got Leo so I’m sure she knew what naming her dog Leo would do to this “delusional” fandom of ours. Don’t believe me about the scratches? Check out the photo.

Now some poor overly dramatic souls speculated that Mila was self harming…😒 smh. Sometimes this fandom is just too much. They are clearly scratch marks from a small animal. Also, since we’re the talking about the BBMAs, MGK and Halsey were there looking very close and cuddly and “coupley”. And I think its very funny that they are both VERY CLOSE to both halves of Camren. I mean come on…do you really think they don’t have the tea? MGK refers to Mila as his sister and Halsey is a die hard Lauren supporter and fan. The pair (halsey and lauren) have gotten super close recently after their collaborative project of Strangers. Which is a bop and I fall in love with it more and more every time I hear it. I feel like with MGK and Halsey being as close to Camila and Lauren as they are if the two (camren) weren’t getting along wouldn’t that cause issues with MGK and Halsey too? Ever hated someone your best friend or significant other like? It will definitely cause tensions to rise. I just want MGK and Halsey to spill all the tea about their double dates with Camren LLS…since Lauren spilled the tea all over Halsey’s carpet its only fair she return the favor…😂😏.

Then on the 27th of May like clock work….Ty$ and Lucy came through to distract us. Ty$ liked a provocative pic of Lauren’s… You guys know the one😏. And Lauren went like crazy on his page too. I wasn’t surprised or derailed by the interaction seeing as how all signs have been pointing to camren since a couple days before the release of Mila’s debut single. Then…supposedly Lucy did an IG live where she was asked to stick out her tongue if Camren was real…or something like that. And she did. 😮 Now I did not witness her doing it. But I have a screenshot of the request and Lucy responding with her tongue out 😜

…but again. I can’t confirm if it happened exactly like that because I did not see the video myself.  

With all that being said. I can say that I am thoroughly convinced Camren is alive and well in 2017. I’m sure I missed a ton of stuff as my personal life has been kind of hectic over the last month or so. But May has rewarded us for sure with Camren indirects/proof. Let me hear your thoughts? Do you agree? Why? Do you disagree? Keep it respectful but tell me why. Did I miss something? Help me fill in the blanks. I hope this theory wasn’t disappointing or too far fetched. I’m just relaying my thoughts on the current Camren situation. Don’t be distracted by Mila’s hetero narrative or Lauren’s PR BS RS…lol. Nothing can Kill Camren. Its the cockroach of Relationships. Their connection will exist long after the nuclear holocaust and Zombie apocalypse. 😂😂 IT’S CAMREN YO!!!

PSS: FOR SOME REASON ALL THE PHOTOS AREN’T SHOWING ON MOBILE DEVICES. SO I SUGGEST READING THIS POST ON THE COMPUTER SO YOU CAN SEE ALLTHE JUICY DETAILS. 😘

anonymous asked:

Are groin attacks on men actually the automatic off-switch we see in movies?

No.

They aren’t universal, and you can, in fact, groin strike a woman to similar effect. What a groin strike is actually targeting is the nerve endings in that region of the body, the very same nerve endings that cause humans to experience sexual pleasure. It hurts a whole hell of a lot, it makes you sick to your stomach, and you bowl over to protect yourself. Nailing a woman with a groin strike is more difficult than a man because the area is smaller and it’s more difficult to hit. It can happen though, it’s happened to me in training with a partner.

Anyone with a strong pain tolerance is going to be resistant to groin strikes, just like with anything else. Some people are more sensitive than others. Other people will recover quicker than others. The rarest find won’t feel it at all, and they’re out there.

And, of course, if you’re opponent is wearing a cup then the groin strike goes right out. That’s why you wear cups when you’re sparring, so it doesn’t hurt when you get hit in the groin. So, if they’re armored, you’re out of luck.

It’s a pretty good stunner if you can land it and they’re not prepared for it, but it’s not a finishing move. When you see groin strikes in martial arts or just as self-defense, they’re part of what we call “combinations” which is a series of strikes performed one after the other. You use the groin strike to stun your attacker, and then follow up while they’re distracted by pain.

So, say you want to use a knee strike to the groin. You’ll grab them and strike the groin, then you grab their head and slam it into your knee again. You may hit them several more times after that if they don’t go down, but the groin strike is the opener or secondary to more effective moves that would be difficult to pull off if they weren’t distracted by pain or were… you know, upright.

The general populace often has a hard time grasping the concept of techniques feeding into each other. “I do this, so I can get over there, to do that”.

Groin strikes are conventional wisdom. Enough people have hit boys in the groin and see them bowl over to know that it’s somewhat effective, and enough boys have been hit in the groin to know it hurts.

You know what else hurts?

Your shin.

Getting hit in the shin hurts a whole hell of a lot too. It’s actually easier hit as it’s a much larger target and you don’t need to be nearly as close.

Anywhere on your body where the bone is near to the surface/isn’t protected by muscle, is direct access to your nervous system and works about as well as a groin shot. So, kick ‘em in the shin. Boxing the ears is another good one, you rattle the inner ear and cause them to lose their sense of equilibrium which makes them dizzy and they… stumble. Hit them in the nose. Their eyes will water, their nose will swell, both of which impact their ability to see.

You can, in fact, chain these together too.

Kick them in the shin. Box their ears. As their head comes forward, hit them in the nose or punch them in the throat. Then, if they’re still coming toward you or you’ve grabbed them by the shoulder or the head, knee them in the groin.

There aren’t a lot of one hit wonders when it comes to fighting, and if you did get one then you’re damn lucky. There is no 100%, no sure shot, no total shut down, no universal technique that will give you perfect accuracy on every human you will ever meet.

The problem with groin strikes in movies is that they’re actually a joke about manhood and dominance. Sometimes, it’s used intentionally and, sometimes, it’s not, but it doesn’t go much further than, “ha, ha, she hit him in the peen” and he goes down because the big, tough guy was really weak after all. It’s become that “Tough Girl Move” and is supposed to convey she’s tough, and brave, and everything that comes with a poorly thought out action girl.

In the movies, the groin shot is about dominance and asserting superiority. Whether it’s a woman doing it to a man, or a man doing it to another man (but it’s usually a woman), that’s what it’s normally about. It’s just a co-opting of the Alpha Male Bullshit Package for an Empowering Moment. It’s telling that these moments revolve entirely around the physical embodiment of manhood, because it’s often treated as the only weakness a man possesses. Given the groin shot is often paired with the threat of sexual assault, you can see all threads weaving themselves together for the underlying themes. The man is brought down by his *ahem* desires, the woman flees, and the scene is still all about sex.

So, you know, fun.

-Michi

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the puppy bowl is the greatest invention of the 21st century. hair dryers included.

anonymous asked:

Okay but DEH Bowling headcanons?

DEH BOWLING: 

  • Jared and Zoe get into a fight over who gets the “good ball” 
  • Connor looks so disinterested, Evan is rambling how he hasn’t been bowling for so long
  • Alana inputs the name according to Alphabetical order
  • Zoe calls hacks
  • Alana goes first, she throws the ball with two hands between her legs, granny style. Takes forever, only gets like half the pins
  • Connor haphazardly tosses the ball like a basketball, it slams into the ground and goes right to the gutter, he growls
  • Evan goes, everyone is getting ready to take their time. Zoe is watching Alana do some extra credit, Jared is on his phone, Connor is staring off into space with one headphone in
  • Evan whispers “here I go” and fucking chucks that ball down the line and gets a hard strike
  • Connor just looks at him and in unison with everyone says “What the fuck” 


Endgame: Evan does so well the local bowling time wants to recruit him. 

can you imagine. Library au Keith and hunk work in receiving, processing new shipments/donations and putting books back from the dropoff chute. Pidge is IT support for the library and keeps the servers secure and lightning fast and definitely doesn’t spy on people with her network. Shiro and lance are the receptionists bc Lance thought it would be a good way to meet some smokin bodies and shiro just really loves books okay. Coran owns the building and Allura manages it and takes down all the mouse traps Coran puts up because “they’ve never chewed anything or pooped on the books, Coran!" 

 And there are the usual library shenanigans including but not limited to 

  •  - a closet full of books. no context it’s just there and Coran wants it to stay. 
  •  - squirrels sneaking in through the dropoff chute when the weather gets colder - hunk and keith hunting the squirrels bc they’re not always busy
  • - hunk wanting to be humane only and Keith slowly putting his knife away
  •  - Keith this is a library why do you have a knife
  •  - *squints into the horizon like a war veteran* squirrels
  •  - pidge suggesting that the mice are helping the squirrels
  •  - keith’s war against rodents begins and Allura scrambles to set up cozy hiding spots for them all just out of Keith’s reach
  •  - and then he finds his pistachios MISSING and his pear has been nibbled upon and he mc freaking loses it
  •  - shiro puts this sign up on the dropoff chute very quietly and kindly and he just kind of puffs up knowing that he’s done a Good Deed
  •  - people start obeying the sign and Lance leaves the front doors open so he can hear it every single time it happens. He has a tally chart.
  • - the chute opens one day without anyone shouting down it and Keith runs upstairs and looks around "did you see any squirrels ma'am" 
  • - Lance is dying bc it was him. 
  •  - klance makeouts between the bookshelves 
  • - the dudes from the computer repair shop next door coming in and asking if any of the webcams in the library had mysteriously turned on too 
  • - pidge is a good liar bc obviously she was behind it. 
  •  - hunk and allura putting food for the squirrels on the roof in an attempt to keep them safe from Keith 
  • - hunk and allura realizing that the squirrels are determined, suicidal little shits and so they just put food in the corner of the library or up on the highest bookshelves and hope that their tails will do the dusting for them 
  • - shiro sighing at literally everything as he hand feeds the squirrels 
  • - is he Snow White like how does he do that 
  •  - Keith’s Betrayed Face when he sees shiro schmoozing the squirrels 
  • - *whispers* I thought you loved me 
  • - shiro rolling his eyes so hard he goes and joins a bowling league 
  •  - the dudes from the computer repair shop coming back AGAIN and asking if show tunes had started playing in the library 
  • - pidge must physically remove herself from their presence bc she’s trying very hard not to cackle like an overlord 
  • - Keith brings in a CAT 
  • - allura is horrified and literally clutches her chest 
  •  - Lance falls in love with the cat, feeds it treats and snacks and gives it lazy toys until it gets ULTRA FAT 
  • - Keith comes to the conclusion that his bf sabotaged his cat plan on purpose and cuts off the nookie supply for a month
  •  - worst month of everyone’s lives tbh 
  • - hunk begs Keith to please just fuck Lance again 
  • - a hanjo in the Scientology section at the very least please please please 
  •  - pidge and shiro end up stuck in the weird book closet somehow 
  • - shiro COULD break down the door but that’s just a lot of work 
  • - why break things when you could have a book fight 
  • - they throw a couple hundred paperbacks at each other for 20 minutes 
  •  - pidge builds a throne of books and rules her domicile (400 books and shiro) with cunning and dignity 
  • - until shiro slaps her in the face with a copy of pride and prejudice and the war begins anew 
  • - the library has like three floors and everyone knows to stay out of the left wing of the third floor during lunch breaks bc Lance and Keith honestly don’t care if u see their butts they will not stop 
  • - shiro or hunk lifting pidge onto their shoulders to put more food on the shelves for the squirrels 
  • - the general populace of the town not being weirded out by any of the shenanigans in the library 
  • - it’s just another beautiful day in mr Roger’s neighbourhood for them 
  • - Keith runs by them with a knife in his teeth and a net in his hands? Totally normal

NOW COMES IN FANFIC

Seeing Stars

Prompt: Pre-Guardians of the Galaxy fun with Peter; Letting loose for the night the reader goes out for a fun night and finds herself back in the Milano for an intimate night with loosened morality.

Pairing: Peter Quill X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Cursing, explicit sexual content, and drug use (A fictional marijuana-like space drug called Lunar Shrub)

Originally posted by cute-guysxx

Tonight was going to be a night of escaping your inhibitions and indulging on impulsive desires. Full of physical pleasures and lack of responsibility. Nothing was going to come in the way of you having a good time.. But most importantly, nothing was going to get in the way of you getting laid. 

That’s what had brought you to this current situation, walking alongside the charming Peter Quill as he led you back to his ship. The handsome Terran had approached you at the bar and after a few laughs you had decided he would be the perfect escape. A nice night full of sexy fun and laughs, nothing more nothing less.

He had landed his ship in a public parking area not far from the bar and the two of you were almost there. He guided you happily with one strong arm wrapped snugly around your hips, his hand sinking closer and closer to your ass with each step.

Keep reading

Someone Kept This Betta in a Mason Jar

Yup. 

So last night I get home from work about an hour later than usual, about 10ish at night. I’m tired, I want to feed all my animals ASAP so I can just relax.

Then suddenly my friend calls me. I answer and she immediately says “Are you home???”

“Yes? I just got home from work.”

“Good, I’m on my way to your house.”

“Omg? Are you ok what’s going on?”

She then tells me that she and her cousin went to this one girl’s(a friend of a friend) house to get high. When they got to her room she noticed a mason jar on this girls desk but brushed it off like whatever. Then she saw something in the jar move.

Keep reading

princess [draco malfoy]

request: nonexistent! this was directly out of my mind (’:

word count: ~3700

a/n: good jesus christ this one took far too long to write. this is my first post of the blog, though, so color me excited for what’s to come! also i’m so tired. this has drained my energy for some reason. ugh. please do request though i have nothing to write and my ideas sort of go everywhere when i don’t have a solid idea in mind! thanks for reading! <3

summary: in which a sarcastic comment has draco calling you “princess”. he’s also kind of an ass. a very attractive, rude ass. (contains swearing ofc)

Keep reading

youtube

WHEN THE FAT GIRL GETS SKINNY: The Short Film

“crying over a bowl of cocopuffs because the only time i feel pretty is when I’m hungry" fucking crying so hard

You’ve heard of 110% Jack Zimmermann, now get ready for

0% Jack Zimmermann.

  • There’s a cookout at a neighboring frat house, and the hockey team plus Farmer go to hang out and drink beer. They start playing an impromptu game of volleyball in the yard, and Jack’s on Chowder’s team.
  • Now, Chowder is steeling himself for strategy, Jack’s murder face, and a lot of competitive bullshit.
  • What he gets is Jack chirping Holster, who isn’t even in the yard. The ball goes flying right past Jack’s face and this total meatball just watches it bounce out of bounds.
  • “Ha ha, look at it go.”
  • Chowder kicks Jack off his team because they are losing so bad, it’s actually pretty embarrassing. And Jack’s like, “What? Of course I can play with a Sprite in my hand.”
  • “Jack no.”
  • Also consider:
  • Jack studying for a class that he has zero interest in. His studying for economics looks an awful lot like amateur architecture.
  • “Jack, why is there a popsicle stick Eiffel Tower on the kitchen table? Wait, where did these popsicle sticks even come from?”
  • Jack actually gives negative fucks when it comes to cooking just for himself. His meals don’t even make sense half of the time. Bitty caught him eating a bowl of mac and cheese, tater tots, green peas and ketchup once. He still has nightmares.
  • There’s another cookout on Frat row that the hockey team crashes (but they bring tub juice so they get to stay). Someone set up a badminton net in the yard and Jack somehow gets roped into playing.
  • (Not by Chowder, though, because that’s the kind of lesson you only have to learn once.)
  • Bitty is playing his little Southern heart out, running up and down his side of the makeshift court. He swings at the birdie so hard it actually gets stuck in his racket.
  • Meanwhile, Jack is seeing if he can balance his racket on his chin.
  • And then he tries to see if he can whack the birdie onto the frat house’s roof. Which turns into several people cussing him out and Bitty chases him around for a few minutes with the intent of beating Jack Zimmermann’s ass.
  • (Jack laughs and laughs and maybe he lets Bitty catch him and then he grins up at him—there had been a leaping tackle involved in the take down—and he says “What’re you gonna do with me now, Bittle?” And Bitty is Not Amused, so he pinches Jack’s nipple hard and then he goes help the frat bros get the birdie out of the gutter.)
  • Jack loves history, but only some history. He gives a lengthy presentation on Colonial North America in one of his history classes, and at the end the TA raises her hand. “How did Thomas Jefferson’s contributions shift the course of United States history?”
  • And he just squints at her and goes, “Who the fuck is Thomas Jefferson?”
  • Watching TV with Jack is a gamble. He’s either on the edge of his seat, eyes trained on the screen, ready to permanently silence anyone who dares speak/interrupt his show. Or he talks over the TV, puts it on mute to better hear someone else talk over the TV, and makes fun of the various American accents on the show.
  • (Jack’s southern accent is so bad and he knows it, and he makes it so much worse when Bitty is around to hear it. It’s all fun and games until a French Canadian on TV has something to say, and then Jack’s all like “Wtf, Bitty? I thought we were friends!?” Bitty is really glad he sprung for throw pillows in the Haus, because otherwise he would end up concussing his captain.)
  • Jack took one semester of Spanish, and he remembers a surprising amount of it, considering he went to class a total of six times and did virtually none of the work. His Spanish is terrible, but he knows numbers, colors, seasons and “No bueno.” For some time, lots of things were “no bueno.”
  • But then Jack stumbled across ASL via YouTube and he gets super into it. By the end of the week he knows about as much ASL as he does Spanish. By the end of the month he can sign the most beautiful profanity and dad jokes. By the end of the school year it’s started rubbing off on the rest of the team.
  • (Their butchered ASL is somehow worse than Jack’s Spanish, and he would be more annoyed if it weren’t hilarious. For some time Ransom and Holster take to pointing at good things and then making the sign for “candy.” Sriracha? Candy. Apple pie? Candy. The mysterious orange cat that wanders along Frat Row? Candy. Chowder’s stuffed shark? Candy. The latest episode of Breaking Bad? Candy. Pretty soon everyone starts using the candy sign as a gesture of approval. One Sunday Jack walks down to the kitchen to find Bitty making those amazing sausage balls, with real maple syrup and grated sharp cheddar. Jack touches his shoulder so that Bitty’s looking at him and then he presses a finger to his jaw, candy, and points to Bitty so there’s no misunderstanding. Bitty blushes clear to the roots of his hair, even when he says, “Y’all are so weird.”)
  • This takes us to a new friend. Ransom and Holster and Jack and Chowder are chilling in the dining hall, and Ransom and Holster are using their terrible pidgin ASL (half the signs are made up and the rest don’t matter) which catches the eye of one Amy Willashire, who is HOH and still pretty new to Samwell.
  • Amy marches her happy ass up to the table and starts signing away, a mile a minute, the biggest grin on her face because sometimes it feels like she’s the only HOH student on campus. That grin slowly fades as Ransom and Holster stare at her like she’s grown a second head. (They’re actually panicking, because they understand about one word in ten and how are they going to tell her that?)
  • And then Jack perks up and starts signing back, so Amy is signing to him. He has to tell her twice to slow tf down, but then she sits with them and by the time the hockey crew have to go to class she’s chirping Jack for his ASL accent. (Some of his signs come out backwards, and he’ll swap hands halfway through a thought instead of using his dominant hand for most of the work. Jack flips her off with a laugh, which is a sign everyone can get right.)
  • So Jack and Amy are ASL buddies. Amy is super stoked that most of the hockey team knows at least some of the language, which means she can tell them something in a pinch. So the team learns even more ASL and Amy learns about hockey, and things are golden.
  • Until Amy invites Jack and Dex to a pool party. Everyone there is at least one beer in, and they’re playing in the pool, and someone mentions water chicken. Amy wants to play, so as a matter of course she clambers onto Jack’s shoulders.
  • From her vantage point, she can’t tell what Jack’s saying but she can feel him giggling like a bastard as they wipe out literally every time, to the point where everyone else is playing pool chicken and she is trying to splash Jack into next week. He’s splashing back. It’s a whole thing.
  • (They find Dex in the basement with a few of the stoners and a lingering smell of pot. Dex has finally found his chill.)
  • That is what 0% Jack Zimmermann looks like.

anonymous asked:

Holy shit I love your analysis' of Jimin and Namjoon!! Would you mind doing one for Jungkook as well? I know a lot of people were confused as to why Namjoon put him in Ravenclaw over Gryffindor/Slytherin.

Hello~

It’s really weird for me that you guys actually care about and value my opinions  on this whole business so thank you so much for giving my ramblings the time of day omg

for those who are wondering about my thoughts on gryffindor!namjoon and slytherin!jimin here’s the links to those:

Namjoon as a Gryffindor || Jimin as a Slytherin


So like, I really. really. really. love the idea of Ravenclaw Jeon. (But listen… I used to be a hardcore Slytherin!Jeon person okay, so I understand your feels on this. I do.) 

 here goes nothing

Ravenclaw Jungkook confused a lot of people. And I really get it because Ravenclaw was so fucking shafted in the books. 

We had so many Gryffindors and Slytherins to relate to, and we had a fair share of badass Hufflepuffs (TONKS) to base our opinions off of. But there were only a few Ravenclaws that were given the time of day in the books, and only one of those was a major character. We had Luna, Trelawney, Lockehart, and Cho. Cho’s amazing character was wasted by JK – she was written with the personality of a dish rag and didn’t really get the spotlight she deserved. Trelawney was presented as a crazy old lady who sometimes ?? served a purpose. Lockehart was an idiot. All we really had was Luna.

But it wasn’t just the characters. Ravenclaw has a really weird reputation. Before I wrote this, I asked a bunch of my casual and hardcore HP fan friends to tell me the characteristics they associated with each house. And I got pretty much what I expected:

  • Gryffindor: Leaders, brave, courageous, brash, strong
  • Slytherin: Cunning, resourceful, calculating, perfectionists
  • Hufflepuff: Loyal, kind, hard-working, determination, cheerful
  • Ravenclaw: Smart…?? they are… smart people?? They do things…….smartly……

Like for real. Whenever I asked people what traits they associated with Ravenclaw, all anyone was ever able to tell me was that Ravenclaws were supposedly smart. And that’s got a lot to do with the fact that when the sorting hat sings off about all the houses, it lists all these great traits for the other houses, but when it comes to Ravenclaw it says this:

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
If you’ve a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind.

And then the books go on to say that Ravenclaws are,

characterised by their wit, intelligence, and wisdom.

So maybe you’re like me, and I am REALLY guilty of this, but when I first read this in the books I kinda just thought these all meant the same thing. So maybe that’s where we got this idea that all Ravenclaws are good for are being smart.

But it wasn’t until I looked up the actual definition of each word that I realized these were all saying really different things:

Intelligence - the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.
Wit - a natural aptitude for using words and ideas in a quick and inventive way to create humor.
Wisdom - the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.

^^^^this is just webster dictionary definitions here. The bolded words are the ones I want to focus on.

Skill. See – Ravenclaws are supposedly smart. But this doesn’t always have to mean BOOKSMART, and I think that’s where we had a lot of trouble with Jeon. No one is saying he is dumb or anything, but he’s no Namjoon.

Notable examples of this trait include Lockehart, who was pretty shitty at a lot of things, but had the street smarts enough to pass off his big whole scam for years and years, and was especially gifted in certain charms.

Then there’s Luna, who while shown to be really good at solving riddles, was also portrayed as really physically skilled. In Dumbledore’s Army, while being taught how to conjure a Patronus by Harry, Luna was the first to get it right. She was fourteen at the time, and was such a skilled witch that she was able to perform an incredibly difficult charm - that even adults had trouble with - after like…….mere minutes of teaching.

Does this sound like someone you know?? I’ll give you an example: Observe this VERY determined Hufflepuff not give up on his dreams and finally have all his hard work pay off… only for someone to come in and get it right almost instantly.

Or maybe… “Hey guys, this dance move you made up looks pretty cool – mind if I watch you do it like once and a half and then nail it instantly?”

And if you’re ever in doubt about just how skilled Jungkook is… remember that he turned down seven other agencies to join BigHit. That’s how many people were after him and recognized his talent. (This also ties in to my thoughts on the part about good judgement – Jungkook obviously saw a lot of potential in Namjoon and BigHit in general, so much so that he turned down tons of other companies to be there. He saw something a lot of other people did not… and it ended up being the best decision he ever made.)

But I think another really telling aspect of Jungkook’s Ravenclaw personality is that he isn’t always perfect at everything. He’s not always good at something right away – but that won’t stop him working really hard to get good

In Rookie King he was shown to be at the most pretty average at bowling. He wasn’t terrible, but he was about as good as you and I would be after playing a few rounds with a little luck. Well, Golden Maknae Jungkook could not stand to not be the best at something, so he mentions sometime later (13:10) that he’s hired a coach to teach him how to bowl…. and then just a few months later uploads a video of himself getting a strike like it’s no god damn big deal at all. And he looks pretty proud of himself too.

But all the major Ravenclaws were also shown time and time and time again as being a little…. scatterbrained. Luna, Lockehart, and Trelawney especially, and to an extent even Cho. And Jungkook is no exception. He’s… pretty gullible. And DEFINITELY scatterbrained.

But wit, intelligence, and wisdom are not the only three traits associated with Ravenclaw. There are a lot of other traits you may not really know about, because again – Ravenclaws were woefully under-represented in the series. There’s quite a few others listed for this house:

  • Creative
  • Individuality
  • Eccentric
  • Quirky
  • Jealousy/Envy
  • Competitive

So imma just go down the list because I’m really tired and I can’t made good word things rn

Creative

it’s no secret that Jungkook is a pretty talented artist. He’s a pretty damn good photographer too. (This will always be one of my favorite photos ever of Jimin – and Jungkook took it.) And he’s a talented lyricist as well. He’s an extremely good dancer and has a beautiful voice too – but you guys know this already.

Individuality

Take a look at how he expresses his individuality through his song covers.

Eccentric & Quirky

You guys thought the fact that Lockehart, Trelawney, and even heckin Luna were all in the same house was a coincidence? Ravenclaws are NOTORIOUS for being Extra™ . I’m not kidding! This is literally a personality trait of Ravenclaws that we overlook so often from these weirdos. And Jeon fuckin Jungkook invented the word eccentric:


you’d be here forever if i kept going so… you get the point. eccentric is jungkook’s middle name.

Jealousy/Envy

Jeonlous exists in this god forsaken fandom, and I ain’t gonna link it and open THAT can of worms, but if you’re feeling so inclined and care to enter the seventh circle of hell, feel free to look it up… but tread carefully.

Competitive

When I got the first ask about Ravenclaw Kook I had woken up at 3am and sleepily looked at my emails. I saw the ask and immediately had to jot down my ideas to keep for the next day, and all I managed to write in my sleep stupor was this

and then i promptly fell back asleep.

I was referring to this, and if you don’t feel bad for poor Jin in this situation I don’t know what to tell you. Jungkook is intensely competitive, even over small things like board games. He was so intent on winning that game that he literally assaulted someone five years his senior to sabotage them.

And then this is him trying to win a dance-off… doing the most, as usual.

And also?? He was literally banned from the gym because he was getting too buff. And look at him take out that guy in wrestling… and then demolish poor Jimin, the smallest member of BTS in arm wrestling when he could have… you know… let him win or something……

It’s a pretty well known meme within the fandom that Jungkook is competitive and always trying to outdo the others.



But when it comes down to it, Ravenclaws are still known for being smart, right? We can take all these other traits and apply them to Jeon but what about his brain?

He’s actually kinda smart. He is able to cover a song in perfect English even though he doesn’t speak the language all that well (but well enough to constantly correct others’ English and he’s good enough to tell you he’s really not all that interested in participating in English Time anyways)

And I mean…. he can outsmart the other members pretty well…………..


But I think one of the most important things to note about Jungkook being in Ravenclaw is to look at who sorted him, Namjoon: Namjoon himself gave Jungkook the nickname “Golden Maknae”. He is constantly saying that Jungkook can do anything, or watch this Jungkook can do this, or wow look at him go, or he’s so talented this and that. Is it really any surprise that Namjoon would put Jungkook in to a house known for being highly skilled when he believes no less of the kid?

Jungkook has some pretty Slytherin-like qualities – but tons of canon HP characters and the BTS members themselves have traits that are shared by all four houses. It’s just a matter of where he fits best.

I mean TL;DR, Jeon says it best himself:

gif credit: bwiskook

Hi! I learned a new ho tip for skin care tonight. Instead of buying Bioré blackhead nose strips, you can make your own. I tested it out tonight and it worked so I wanna share it with my fellow hoes. Buy unflavored and unscented gelatin (I bought a 4 pack at Walmart for $1.48). Get a small bowl and a measuring cup for 1 tsp. Measure out and put 1 tsp of the gelatin in the bowl. Add 3 tsp of milk (any kind, doesn’t matter). Mix it all together then put it in the microwave for 10 seconds. Mix it again and apply directly to the areas that have blackheads (careful, it may be hot). Let it sit for 15 minutes until it is dry and hard. Peel it off, and the blackheads come right out!!!
- @somberinnocence
Thank you so much for sharing, girl. Much appreciated

Harry Styles imagine - 

Your daughter turns up at his door –

You didn’t really know Harry. He had lived two doors down from you for the last 8 months. He had introduced himself to you when you had moved in and you frequently saw each other while entering and exiting the apartment building but you didn’t really know much about him. However with your frequent interactions, your daughter had become quite fond of him, especially because he was so nice to her and gave her a funny face or a big smile on the way past. She had even on occasion asked to visit him when she was bored, but had never really acted on it. She was only three after all; she didn’t really understand he was a stranger.

After a long stressful day of work, it had been a lot more stressful then usual, (difficult clients were the worst) and you had just picked up your daughter from day care. It was very late and you were very tired, and looking after a three year old on top of all that was hard, but you did it because she was the best thing that ever happened to you. Her father wasn’t in the picture, so you shared your little apartment with her and all her soft toys, and that was the way you liked it.

You got her situated in the living room with a bowl of pasta and went into the bedroom to get changed into something more comfortable, but instead decided to rest your head on the pillow for a moment. Only a moment later you’d fallen asleep.

After a while your daughter got restless. She hadn’t seen her mummy around for a while. She got up and checked the kitchen, and again the living room but couldn’t find you. When she was eating she was so used to you being in the room with her, that she couldn’t even think of where else you could be.

She began to get scared and upset, and didn’t have anyone to help her. That’s when she thought of Harry.

She stood up on her tippy toes, reaching for the door handle, and walked down the hall to his front door, softly knocking.

At first Harry thought he was hearing things. He had the TV on, but he was mostly looking at his phone, and the knock had been so soft he could have missed it. However when he heard it again he got up to investigate.

Opening the door he sees your daughter, at first he smiles but then is a little confused because firstly you are not there and secondly your front door in wide open.

“Hey sunshine,” says Harry. “What can I do for you?”

Your daughter looks up at him with wide eyes. “I can’t find my mummy.”

Harry looks at the little girl confused. “Why hunny? Where’d she go?”

You daughter starts to get a little more upset, tears starting to form at the bottom of her eyes, “I dunno. She gone somewhere I dunno.”

Harry looked at your daughter sympathetically. He didn’t know much about you but he could tell you were a good mum. He was sure you wouldn’t have just left her alone in the apartment.

“Well how about we go and have a look alright munchkin?” he asked. She just nodded in response.

He lifted her onto his hip and walked back into your apartment, knocking on the open door first, but receiving no reply.

Harry looked around the living room. He couldn’t see anything weird or strangely out of place.

“Where is mum usually hun? He asked your daughter in a soft voice.

You daughter snuffled. “I dunno. She’s always just with me.”

Harry chuckled under his breath. “Where’s her bedroom. Did you check there?”

You daughter shook her head. “No. Id fordot,” she mumbled into Harry’s shoulder, pointing in the direction of the hall.

It was then that Harry saw your sleeping form and chuckled under his breath again. You daughter squirmed and jumped out of his arms.

“Mummy I found you!” she yelled waking you up from your sleep.

You woke up with a shock, first from your daughter’s loud voice, and then because of the man standing at the end of your bed. It only took you a moment to realize who it was though.

“Harry? What are you doing here?” you asked running your hand through you hair.

He laughed. “Your daughter couldn’t find you so she came and asked for some help. That’s all. I’m glad you’re ok.”

You laughed and squeezed your daughter into a hug. “You silly billy! I was right here!” you giggled.

She laughed. “Sorry mummy!” Now that she had found you she was content and happy, going back to her dinner and movie in the living room.

You looked back at Harry. “I’m so sorry about that. She’s so silly sometimes.”

He laughed. “It’s alright. I’m glad she trusts me enough that she can ask for help.”

You smiled. “Me too. But I hope it wasn’t too much trouble. I mean she interrupted your night and…” before you could finish he interrupted you.

“I honestly didn’t mind. She’s very cute. Just like her mum.”

You smiled and blushed, a little taken for words. “Thanks.”

“Anytime. But maybe next time she turns up at my door, you can come to.”

You smiled. “It’s a date.”


send me requests yo xx

(not my gif)

Hey there! Easter is almost upon us, and you know what that means…bunnies! 

Let’s take a moment to discuss some bunny related facts that will hopefully help deter you from purchasing a rabbit for this holiday. 

1.) Domesticated rabbits live from 8-15 years. The Average rabbit lives around 10-12. 

2.) The baby bunnies you see in pet stores are usually around 2 months old, so they will be super cute and fluffy and affectionate! Which is exactly what pet stores WANT you to think you will be getting. BUT, this is a trap! Baby Bunny will hit puberty between 5-7 months of age, and will become a cranky, territorial, sexually frustrated TEENAGER.

3.) Teenage bunnies, particularly males, will spray urine on EVERYTHING, including you, your floor, your walls, your bed, and other bunnies. I don’t mean just a little tinkle, I mean literally the wall near your bunny’s housing will be literally coated in a crust of urine. It’s nasty, sticky, and it SMELLS.

4.) Unless you spay/neuter (which usually costs around 150-300 dollars) your bunny will continue to urinate on everything. females will rip their fur out and build nests and are much more likely to develop uterine cancer if they are not spayed.

5.) Rabbits love to rip carpet, chew on furniture, chew on baseboards, pee and poop on the floor(even if they are litter box trained, they will still scatter droppings as a way of saying “this is mine!”)

6.) Baby Bunny will triple or even quadruple in size. The average bunny is around 5 pounds, but some get even heavier than that. Dwarf breeds will average around 1.5 to 3 pounds.

7.) Rabbits are VERY social and get VERY sad and angry and depressed when kept alone in a tiny cage. Bunny should have a LARGE enclosure (NOT A PET STORE CAGE) and should have at least one friend. How would you like to live alone in a closet for your entire life? you would not!

8.) Rabbits require a daily diet of pellet (with NO added cereals, nuts, or candies) unlimited hay (all day every day, yep, it’s expensive) and a daily salad (green leafy vegetables EVERY SINGLE DAY)

9.) Think you can just leave bunny locked in a cage all day when you get bored of him? WRONG! Bunny gets bored, so he spends ALL NIGHT angrily biting and shaking the bars, digging and clawing at the floor, throwing his bowl around and biting his water bottle. He will keep you up all night long and drive you insane! (this also means is house is WAY too small and he needs more toys and room to play!)

10.) Rabbits get sick, they need to see the vet! Rabbit vets are expensive and hard to find. can you afford a rabbit vet? 

11.) Are you prepared to clean his litter box and feed him every single day? Can you spare 3-4 hours to sit and supervise him while he has his REQUIRED out-of-cage time? No? Then you should not own a rabbit.


RABBITS ARE NOT FOR EASTER. 

A RABBIT IS A HIGH MAINTENANCE, 10-12 YEAR COMMITMENT, WHICH WILL REQUIRE DAILY EXERCISE, A SPECIALIZED DIET, AND REGULAR VET VISITS. ARE YOU PREPARED?

Lily

Lily is 11 and she doesn’t like boys. She loves Sev but that’s different. She loves him the way she loves Petunia, the way Petunia doesn’t love her back. She likes the way the the concrete feels in the summer, it burns her feet but she dances on it anyway. She likes pressing her fingers to her veins and trying to feel the magic. She likes the dark blue curtains in her living room that her mum constantly complains about. She likes the funny chocolates they have at school and the way they jump around. She likes running late to classes with Marlene and laughing at Mary’s attempt to cover for why they were not on time. She likes Alice’s soft voice that reminds the rest of them that they have plenty of homework as they lounge in the common room. She doesn’t like James Potter and the way he struts about thinking he’s so grand and funny, she knows grand and funny it’s her and her friends and most definitely not him.

Lily is 12 and she doesn’t like boys. She still loves Sev the same way as she always has but no longer the way she loves Petunia. Petunia makes her heart hurt as she spits out the word freak and makes witch sound like its poison in her mouth. Lily loves Petunia sadly and Sev happily and she thinks she’s okay with that. She likes baking with her mum and licking the spoon and fighting her dad for the bowl. She likes hiding behind the blue curtains after sneaking a frog in Tuney’s shoe. She likes the way her dad can’t stop laughing as he tries to scold her for it. She likes drawing pictures on the window of the train. She likes that her friends all try to guess what it is before she’s done, Alice always gets it right but that isn’t hard when Marlene and Mary are fighting to figure out who can come up with a ruder version of what it is. She likes eating in the great hall and feeling so apart and at home in something. She likes mimicking Marlenes snores with Mary at all times of the day especially in class. She likes quidditch and watching the games but severely less so when Potter is playing. She doesn’t like Potter no matter how good he is at the damn sport.

Lily is 13 and she’s starting to like boys. She likes them differently than Sev. Sev doesn’t make her palms sweat or her stomach do tumbles, he steadies her and lays with her and he loves her- more than Petunia ever has. He’s her real sibling, well the only one that really loves her and Lily thinks she’s okay with that, its better than having no one after all. Lily likes the breeze on her thighs when she wears her skirts. She likes the way the grass feels against her legs as she lays with Marlene in the courtyard skipping yet another divination lesson. She likes making up wild stories of what their futures probably hold including but not limited to, Marlene marrying a giant and becoming a giant queen, Lily sprouting wings and becoming accepted amongst the dragons, Alice turning out to be a unicorn in disguise, which they both agreed would be too plausible for it to be considered actual divination, and Mary one day waking up with a third leg to kick them both with. She likes telling these theories to try and get a laugh out of a begrudging Mary who actually DID go to class and was left by herself. She likes the way Alice dances with Marlene to make Mary smile which eventually leads to the four of them dancing and laughing all night in the common room. She likes the way Potter and his friends are totally bewildered by it asking loudly what the hell had gotten into them, she knows he could never understand the pure joy of dancing with your friends. She likes the way Marlene tells Sirius she’d rather dance with a pig’s privates when he asks if she has any moves left for him. She likes painting Alice’s nails and listening her talk all about how much she loves her little brother and wondering what it must feel like to have an older sibling that not only tolerates you but actually loves you back. She likes chasing Mary’s cat, Sniffers, and complaining loudly when he won’t let her hold him. She thinks she may like Remus Lupin a little more than she previously thought. She’s always liked how kind and smart and quietly hilarious he is but she’s only just realized how cute his nose is and how she thinks she may want to hold his hand. She likes that he’s different from his total gits of friends but remains loyal to them. Loyalty Lily knows is one of the most important things in a friendship, which is why she doesn’t let her friends judge Severus. She likes that she can tell Alice about her crush on Remus without her making fun of her or suggesting that she do something crazy like fling her bra at him to make him love her (something Marlene and Mary promised would do the trick). She likes transfiguration because Remus sits next to her and tells the funniest jokes quietly so only she can hear. She likes that she spends most of the class laughing at him which may be why she isn’t doing her best, Potter on the other hand excels in transfiguration which is something that really grinds her gears, probably because it’s the one class he doesn’t laugh much in, for some reason he spends most of it quiet giving her and Remus rather annoyed looks.

Lily is 14 and she likes boys. Not the way she likes Severus, whom she still loves… despite everything. They’ve been fighting quite a bit lately mostly because he’s been hanging around with scum and Lily can’t understand why he can’t see that they’re scum. They tell him she’s dirty and disgusting and not a real witch and he hangs around with them anyway it infuriates her and he hangs around with them anyway. But even though he has his flaws and can’t see how disgusting his new “friends” are, Lily loves him anyway. She loves him because he brings her her favorite sweets and let’s her hold his hand and listens when she cries about Petunia, even though she’s found she never likes what he ends up saying about Tuney. She loves him because they’re siblings in every sense of the word so she guesses that it’s ok that they argue, after all they don’t argue nearly as much as her and Tuney do. Or did rather, after all petunia hasn’t answered a single letter Lily has sent her this year and she stayed at a friends house during Christmas holiday to avoid her. Lily thinks she’d rather Petunia call her a freak everyday and spit in her tea twice every hour than have her deny her existence, it would hurt way less. Lily likes dancing. She likes stepping on her dads feet as he twirls her around the kitchen. She likes potions. No lily loves potions. She likes to see the magic actually being created right in front of her she likes that she can hold it and see it and it’ll never stop amazing her. She likes Benjy Fenwick and his bright blonde hair. She likes his small smile and big blue eyes. She likes the way her stomach flips when he’s around. She likes the way her friends act more excited than she does when he finally asks her to Hogsmeade. And she pretends not to like the choruses of “Lily and Benjy sittin in a tree”. She still likes Remus Lupin even though she’s over her crush. She likes studying with him in the library and debating and debating about all the injustices going on in their world. Injustices that were really starting to scare her. Against her better judgment she’s found that she also likes Sirius Black and Petter Pettigrew. For completely different and all around confusing reasons. She never really thought much of Peter, he was just one of potters friends. She assumed him to be an intolerable arrogant git and she found herself to be so wrong. It was when she was assigned to sit next to him in charms after causing too much of a ruckus near Marlene. The first day he nearly made her pee from laughing so hard. She liked that he always brought an extra quill because he knew Mary would forget one. She liked how he copied an extra set of notes for Marlene the day she was sick, something Lily herself hadn’t thought to do. She liked how pretty soon he was joining in on hers and Lupins study sessions which would leave them all doubled over laughing. She found that she liked Sirius and that he really wasn’t as much of a prick as she assumed. She liked the way he over dramatized everything and she was actually growing to find him funny. Of course not nearly as funny as he thought he was but funny all the same. She liked that he spent more time in detention than her, (which she’ll admit she was in quite a bit) him James and the rest of their lot always got in trouble for their pranks. But it was their fault they had to boast and let everyone know it was them. Her Mary Marlene and Alice on the other hand pulled off far better pranks with far less the track record, a feat she liked a great deal. She doesn’t like James Potter and the way he arrogantly asked her on a date while she was holding hands with Benjy. (She did however like her response to the question which included several curse words and threats to his well being).

Lily is 15 and she hates boys. She’s rocking back and forth and tearing at her hair and sobbing so hard she can’t catch her breath. Because he said it, he really said it. She couldn’t believe he actually said it. Her throat is raw from her screaming into her hands.He became the thing he promised he never would and he said the word. No matter how hard she shut her eyes she couldn’t get the image of his face out of her head. The word was stuck in her ears repeating itself over and over again. Mudblood. She felt like her stomach was in the floor as she laid her head in her knees and sobbed. Petunia still looks through her instead of at her. She had lost both of her siblings. Lily laughed out of the sheer irony of it all, because Severus and Petunia did have something in common after all, they both hated her. She disgusted the both of them and if it wasn’t for her friends she might have began to disgust herself too. Lily likes Alice. Soft and timid Alice who could never hurt a fly, was lying in the hospital wing getting her bloody knuckles bandaged. She was a different kind of calm than Lily was used to, no perky smile or scrunched nose sat on her face. Instead her eyes had this fierce fury, she sat perfectly still and the combination made her look deadly. “He’ll never say that word again Lily” she whispered. Reaching up to wipe her face with the back of her hand she only managed to smear it with blood. Lily likes Mary, who always butters her toast for her because “honestly Lily watching you do it is so slow and painful and look!! You’ve got chunks that won’t taste right just let me do it Merlin”. Lily likes Marlene especially when she’s yelling and fighting with all the professors, “I certainly do not think my skirt length has any effect on my ability to do magic. And if you don’t stop looking at my skirt I’ll show you just how capable I am at charms and charm your foot up your arse!!!” Lily was forced to charm Potters head to his desk in order to get the same two weeks detention that Marlene had gotten for that rant. Something Marlene was quietly greatful for, the two never spent a detention without the other. Lily likes rock n roll. She likes blasting it from her room and complaining to her mum that that’s the way it needs to be heard when she’s chided to lower it. She likes painting her nails black so they look especially badass when she flips Potter off. She likes going for car rides with her parents. And it’s ok that Petunia never comes because she gets to lay down in the back seat and dangle her feet out the window. She likes sneaking out at night with all her friends just to lay on the grass and look at the stars. She likes daring Alice to skinny dip in the lake and loves when she actually does. She likes that it took only seconds until the rest of the jumped in after her. She likes that Sniffers finally lets her hold him. She likes that Alice held her when Benjy cheated on her, she didn’t even like him that much but it hurt all the same. Mary and Marlene had left the common room quietly together and when she asked where they were going they both only shrugged. She liked that after only an hour later they returned with all of Benjys clothes, “we left his stuff from second year for him to wear tomorrow” Marlene said proudly as they all died in laughter. She liked Mary’s loud comments at breakfast the next morning, “Oi! Cut back on the breakfast Benjy looks like you’ve put on a few pounds. Your jumper buttons are ready to burst!” She yelled it while she buttered Lily’s toast with a smile. Lily secretly liked the way Potter threw death glares in Benjys direction mumbling about how he was an absolute fucking idiot, not that she’d ever admit that to anyone. She still didn’t like Potter not one bit, not even now that he’s grown to be so tall.

Lily is 16 and she can’t help liking boys. Not Severus though who she refuses to so much as glance at. Sure he tried apologizing several times but it was just too little too late. Petunia’s actually been civil lately, she made Lily a cup of tea without being asked. It might not be love but lily was sure it was something. Lily likes tea and pouring as much sugar in it as possible. She likes when her mom tells her that she might as well drink the sugar packets instead. She likes when her dad comments on the situation by doing just that and drinking the sugar. She likes the Beatles and the Rolling Stones and loves playing all the music for her dad to hear. She likes that he’ll sit with her for hours and just listen to the songs and talk about them. She loves when he surprises her with band tshirts that she wears until they’re ripped and faded. She likes chocolate and competing with Marlene to see who can stuff more of it in their mouths. She likes Marlene’s signature victory dance she does every time she wins. She likes Alice’s yells that they’ll both get stomach aches and ruin their appetites. She likes sitting up late at night in bed and talking to the rest of them. They can talk about anything and everything and they do. She likes the way Alice bashfully told them that Frank Longbottom had asked her out. But what she liked even better was helping her get ready to go. She liked the way Mary did Alice’s hair as Lily did her nails. Marlene watched them work and told Alice detailed stories about all the sex her and Frank would soon be having and not to worry cus she’d gladly tell her what goes where and how to do what and what boys like. She only stopped because Alice was blushing so hard Lily couldn’t do her makeup. Lily likes Sirius, loves him actually. They’d become very close over the year. She likes the way he gives her piggy back rides to class and his sharp wit. She likes that they can insult each other all day and know the others joking. She likes the way he’ll dramatically fall into a chair in the common room and claim he’s died of boredom. She likes that he understands. When she talked to him about Petunia and about how much it hurt to have a family member not love you back he actually understood. She nearly cried when he told her about his family but she was guiltily grateful to finally have someone who could relate. She likes James Potter now. They’ve decided to become friends. Just friends. That’s it. She doesn’t like him anymore than that. And if she has to say it again to Marlene or Mary or Alice or Remus or Sirius or Peter or any one else in this goddamn school she’s going to completely lose it. She likes that they’re friends he’s actually a very good friend. She likes the way he laughs. He does it with his whole body so his long legs kick up and his glasses nearly slide down his nose. She likes when he makes her laugh which is almost every minute of every day. He’s constantly whispering something in her ear or yelling across the dining hall or sneaking her notes in class. She likes the way he defends his friends so fiercely and loudly. When Alex Benditen made a nasty comment about Peter’s weight James made his stomach grow three times the size. She likes the way he runs his hand through his hair just to mess it up. She likes the way he’s constantly tapping his foot or his pen. It’s as if he just has so much energy it’s ready to explode right out of him. She likes his eyes and the way he looks at her like no one else does. She likes Potter, likes him a lot actually. But only as a friend of course she reminds herself, only as a friend.

Lily is 17 and loves her boys. Not Severus, who she barely even thinks about anymore, but Peter and Sirius and Remus and James. She loves Petunia and she’s starting to think that Petunia just may love her back a tiny bit. But it’s ok if she doesn’t lily decided. She’s finally content with being the sister who waits the sister who loves more freely. Lily likes going for walks at night. She likes grabbing her ratty pair of sneakers by the door and sneaking out. She likes the way the streets look when no ones on them. She likes the peace of it all. She likes the way the night air gives her a feeling of suspense. The night makes her feel like anything is possible and anything could happen at any moment. She likes do laundry with her mum. She likes sitting on the dryer and folding the clothes that her mum passes her while she tells her stories about when when she was younger. She likes the warmth of the clothes and the smell of the laundry and the sound of her mums laugh. Lily likes socks. She likes wearing the ones that are mismatched and the ones that have holes in the toe. She likes stuffing the dirty ones in Mary’s face for her to smell. She likes falling asleep in places that aren’t her bed. This particular habit happens to be one that she shares with Remus. The result of this led to a chart being made by Sirius and Marlene. Next to Lily’s name was, common room floor, Mary’s bed, staircase, great hall, peter’s bed, floor of boys room, floor of girls room, library, and charms class. Remus was the clear winner next to his name he had, every class he has ever taken, common room floor, every seat in common room, courtyard, astronomy tower, quidditch pitch, great hall, Sirius’s bed, boys floor, library, three broomsticks, supply closet, and a few passages. She liked the chart and the memories and teasing that went along with it. She liked napping next to Remus in the common room and the way he looked so peaceful. She likes firewhiskey. She likes the way it warms her all the way from her stomach to her fingertips. She likes proclaiming loudly and often that she could drink anyone who dares under the table. And she liked even better that she actually could, a fact that Sirius still gripes about. Lily liked dares. She liked both getting them and giving them. Her favorite dare to date was the one she gave Marlene the first week of this year. Marlene and Sirius had been loudly and aggressively flirting for the past year and a half and lily was tired of neither of them actually doing anything about it. So one night after a few bottles of firewhiskey she dared Marlene to give Sirius a Lap dance. Marlene was never one to back down from a challenge drunkenly stood up and Sirius nearly passed out before she even walked over to him. The music played and she swayed her hips and not even thirty seconds went by before he grabbed her and the two were heatedly making out. She liked the way the rest of them yelled and laughed and the choruses of finally. She liked the two of them together they were loud and obnoxious and completely in love. She still likes dancing in the common room. She likes twirling so fast that her skirt goes up and laughs at the hoots and hollers of her boys. Lily likes Mary and she couldn’t give less of a fuck that Mary liked girls. She liked that none of them cared at all and instead we’re always in constant search of finding Mary a girlfriend, something that always led to Mary blushing and hiding her face in her hands. She likes when they all play hide n seek like they’re little kids again. She always hides with Peter because he some how manages to find the best hiding places. She likes the way everyone groans that they win every round and the way Peter holds her hand up in victory. She likes Alice and Frank together. She likes watching them talk quietly to each other and giggle. They’re both soft and kind and absolutely perfect for each other. She likes cauldrons. She likes talking constantly about all the different makes and models and the proper ways to clean them and the slight effects each has on every different potion. The only person that will ever listen to her drone on and on about them is James. She likes James more than she’s ever liked anyone else before. She first kissed him after the first quidditch game of the season. James had been very worried before hand and was constantly griping about how essential it was for them to win. Lily showed up to every practice beforehand to scrutinize and give her advice. It usually led to the two of them arguing but she did it anyway. At the last practice before the game she told him that he needed to do a full roll fake out before shooting to avoid a defender. “ I can’t do that do you even know how hard that is?!” He had yelled back at her. “Liam pofcery does it all the time!” She answered arms crossed. “He’s been a professional for ten years how am I supposed to do that?” James had groaned. But at the game she watched from the stands and he did it and they won. She sprinted on to the pitch afterwards jumped onto him nearly knocking him over and kissed him. She liked the way the world stopped for a moment when she did it. All the people screaming seemed to blur for a moment and all she could see was him. She was kissing James. She liked his stupid face of surprise right before she did it. She liked the way he immediately kissed her back fiercely and intensely. She liked the way he grabbed her tight as if she might let go or change her mind and pull away. She had no intention of doing that because she liked the way he kissed way too much. She likes kissing James. After the first one it all started to rush into place. She could finally admit to herself all the things she liked about him. She liked his eyes and how they were always bright as if he just told a joke. She liked his hands and how they were big and rough from holding a broom. She liked his hair and the funny way it stuck out at all ends. She liked how fucking tall he was and how she had to pull his tie for him to lean down and kiss her. She liked laying with him at night and hearing him breathe. She liked pushing him off the bed when he snored and laughing when he tickled her in retaliation. She liked the way he exasperatedly yelled her name when she made him mad. She liked that he’d twirl her in the common room and on the quidditch pitch and in the astronomy tour and anywhere else he could think of. She pretended not to like when he constantly went around and told everyone she was his girlfriend. She liked that he was bestfriends with her friends and she with his. She liked how everything was perfect. Even when it wasn’t. Peter served detention four times for cursing Slytherins who threatened her. Which was three less than the 7 times Remus served for doing the same thing. Mary and Marlene both were in the hospital wing twice with broken knuckles. But nothing beat Sirius and James’s 10 detentions and 3 hospital wing visits in the matter of four months. Lily yelled at all of them that she didn’t need their help that she could take the insults and threats just fine and handle herself perfectly on her own. But she liked the way they all rolled their eyes when she screamed. She liked that when the letters from the Order came they all said yes without hesitation. None of them needed a second to think or consider it. They were all ready to get out of school and start actually doing something to help. They were all ready to fight. She liked the way they spent their last few days in school. They broke out every night and drank and danced in the courtyard. She dared Alice to skinny dip again and soon they were all freezing and splashing and dying from laughter. The world was fucked up and the war was coming but for those few nights they were kids in love. In love with their friends, in love with the night and the stars, in love with the laughter that gave them aches to their bones, in love with the naive idea that they’d all be ok that this and them would all last forever. She liked remembering those nights and that feeling right before she went to sleep. She liked sleeping with all of the blankets wrapped around her, a fact that always led to James complaining. She didn’t like James Potter at all. She loved him.

Fool Me Once

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I’m back from my brief hiatus with a fic that absolutely no one asked for! I hope you enjoy it!


Andrew had lived in Baltimore back when he lived with the Stevensons. Baltimore was an ugly city, full of run-down factories and towns that had bigger gangs than budgets, side by side with stadiums and news stations and hotels.

Gentrification, Andrew’s word of the week, was terribly appropriate here.

Gillian Stevenson was a teacher who thought strongly about everything. She was either with you or against you. Unfortunately for the school board, she wasn’t with them.

Andrew would head to her classroom once the dismissal bell rang, listen to her complain as he helped her clean up after her students, and hopefully be given a slice of whatever cake she was pairing with her wine to dull the agony of the impending parent-teacher conferences.

He liked Gill.

Markus Stevenson was a gym teacher Gill had met at one of her old teaching jobs. Markus had been a football player in college and seeing a borderline malnourished child on his doorstep made him want to encourage Andrew to find a passion in sports.

He supposed Markus could be worse.

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more fat yuuri headcanons

headcanons? more like Projection^TM

  • so like. after a while you kinda start to accept the flabs on your arms and your thicc thighs and tummy/muffin top?
    • your body kinda becomes its own stress toy. it’s hella fun to grab ur arm flabs or just kinda wiggle the fat in ur butt or s/t
      • when yuuri has anxiety or needs something to stim he sometimes would go to his love handles bc there’s so much to grab
    • ALSO DRUMMING UR THICK THIGHS AND TUMMY LMAO… like when ur listening to music u cant help but drum along on ur tummy or thighs and then watch the jiggle it’s hella fun
      • (sometimes victor drums on yuuri’s booty when he’s distracted)
  • the thing about being fat is that hugs are like 10x better bc ur squishy. ppl love to get a chance to hug yuuri bc he literally gives the best hugs
    • yuuri has an irrational fear that he might squeeze the other hugger too hard but that’s 
  • sometimes skinnier ppl or ppl with flat stomachs just doesnt understand? yuuri finds a lot of comfort in ppl like his parents or takeshi and talks about the ups and downs of being fat
    • like. shopping for clothes? lmao god what an exhausting experience
    • or even just being able to indulge in food without judgement from other people. i mean u saw the first episode… his parents were so ready to cook him 2482374 bowls of katsudon like theres literally no judgement at all
      • (i guess maybe takeshi is an exception but i think that’s mostly bc he was helping yuuri get to a good weight before the grand prix)
  • i mean we can go into detail about the cons of being fat (like spending long hours in front of the mirror examining your fat and sucking in your stomach and hating urself for not having the skinny stomach that everyone loves) but there’s a lot of fatphobia that goes around and i’d rather keep it positive
  • either way, yuuri katsuki loves his fat and he canonically goes chubby off season dont take this away from me thanks