even after years and years of advocating for fat positivity, there are still days when i look in the mirror and negative worries begin to circulate in my thinking – “i look fat” and “when i go out in public later, people will think im fat” and “nobody is going to be attracted to me because im fat.” these irrational anxieties build up as i go about my day until i pause and reflect. its one of those “duh” moments when i realize i have accidentally accumulated a cloud of nagging evil pixies around my head and i have to take them time to dispel them.
after years and years of this, i still sometimes have to remind myself “yes, you’re fat, and you're also hot” and “people will think you’re fat. some will also think you’re cute, but regardless what anyone thinks, you’re valid” and “yes, you’re fat, and you are deeply loved and desired as well.” and most importantly on hard days: “your attractiveness does not determine your value”
sometimes it blows my mind that after so long of working on self love and body positivity i fall into thinking i held onto when i was a teen with a debilitating eating disorder, but thats the thing i want to address. fatphobia is so ingrained into our society’s framework of thinking that it makes sense that it will seep into our minds when we’re on autopilot, and thats ok. thats not our fault and its not a sign that were not getting better, or that we’re losing progress. be patient and kind with yourself especially on days like these. healing is not linear and its not always straightforward.
it’s short for rejection sensitive dysphoria - it’s something many people with adhd struggle with. rsd basically means you have a harder time handling (perceived) rejection and failure. among other things, rsd can cause depressive symptoms, a feeling of anxiety, irrational anger, etc.
This may sound immature, but here goes: I have 2 friends within my small friend group who identify as ace, and I know I am ace too, I just haven't come out because I fear that people would assume I'm like... "copying" them or something, if I did. Trying to "steal their shine" or something. I know that my identity is valid no matter what, and that it's certainly not about attention, but sometimes when people say "aces are just teenagers who think they're special" it gets to my head.
I can definitely understand this; I felt the same way when I came out to my friend as agender, because she’s nonbinary as well (yes, she/her pronouns are okay with her) and I thought she’d feel like I was just doing it because she was as well. Once you realize it’s mainly an irrational thought coming from anxiety, it should be easier to overcome.
I’m sure your friends will be supportive and welcoming, no matter what :)
TFW anxiety and irrational fears got you on something else so you write up a (nonsensical) Milo Murphy’s Law headcanon:
Those who bear the Murphy’s Law condition like to cuddle. A lot. If it’s soft and they can get their hands on it, you probably aren’t going to get it back unless you replace it with yourself. Things like pillows are already in surplus at the Murphy house (for obvious reasons) and it’s not uncommon to see one of the Murphy boys dragging one along through the house, especially after Murphy’s Law strikes. They are much more prone to doing this in their sleep, often rolling over and snuggling up to whatever’s in arms length of them.
Not only is this a way that they battle anxiety at certain times, they also do it to make sure that whatever or whoever they’re holding is okay. It’s become second nature to look for new scars and bruises, awake or asleep, their hands tracing over whatever’s in their grasp to make sure that Murphy’s Law hasn’t done anything. Brigette often mistakes this for something else. Often.
Those who bear the ML condition are touchy feely anyway, always wanting hugs and to hold hands, but cuddling is A+, like legit the best thing you can do.
Do keep in mind, I wrote this while scared shitless about nothing.
Before I have to start actually doing things. This shift. Oh my god.
So, this night started with me getting sick after eating Chipotle. I just need to give up on eating it. Since I had Finn, it just doesn’t taste the same or as good.
Then, I get a 911 page on my beeper from a resident. Scares the absolute SHIT out of me. She’s one of our residents who is rapidly declining due to
Alzheimers. She was dressed, ready to walk right out of the building and had all her stuff tied into little nap sacks. It was a trip. So, I had to calm her down, finally got her back into bed and then it happened 3 more times. It just hurts my heart for her so badly. Hoping she’s in a good mood when she gets up.
Lastly, my best friend goes in for surgery today and I’m scared for her because my irrational anxiety is making me think she could die.
Why do desi parents think restricting their kids will keep them safer? They take all your freedom away and expect you to be okay with it. They want you to share everything with them, but when you do, you are always wrong. Instead of trying to understand your point of view, they try to force theirs onto you. There is no such thing as freedom of speech for them. You do as you are told and are expected to comply. Feelings don’t matter because they are irrational. Depression and anxiety aren’t real. Get over it. If you’re a girl you’re automatically a liability and are treated differently than boys. Instead of trying to find yourself, they’d rather make you the way they want. Mold you the way they were molded.
but really I do think mental illness awareness is important for children because I’ve exemplified symptoms of anxiety since I was in elementary school and when I would have fits of anxiety and would cry over things that had stressed me out, my dad would tell me I was ‘too sensitive and needed to toughen up’, so I went throughout most of my public school career up until college thinking I was just a sensitive worthless baby when in actuality I had irrational anxiety that wasn’t at all my fault
The pain is all for the greater good. Sit in the sadness and the heartache and learn from it. Don’t suppress or ignore whatever truths could hurt you. You’ll keep facing the same problems until you finally accept responsibility for your own actions and drop those old useless behavioural patterns that no longer serve you. Imagine a life without irrational fears, anxieties, jealousy and guilt controlling your every move. Pay attention to these emotions and what they are trying to show you, look within and make the changes necessary. Every relationship you have will flourish once you improve the one you have with yourself. I decided to post this because it’s so beneficial to me, right now. And all I can hope is that by sharing it, it resonates with at least one other person. Sometimes you just have to be told straight. Take responsibility today. Emotions are necessary and human, but speaking from personal experience, life can become hellish when you let them control you. ❤️ have a good one, and don’t dwell on the past for one more second, make steps towards a better future for yourself and everyone you love. Be grateful for all these realisations right now, helping you shift your awareness when it matters most, the only time you can physically change anything, the present.
Every time I finish a story, I am immediately hit by the irrational anxiety that it is shit and also that I’ll never write anything again.
I like to summon my inner suburban soccer mom to deal with that voice.
“Excuse me? Excuse me? How DARE you? My writing is a delight,Helen–a delight. Oh, but while we’re on the subject of insufficiency, you can be absolutely sure that I’ll be bringing up the incorrect placement of your so called “garden” in the next town council meeting. I’ll see you there~”
5 years ago a 15 year old girl who loved bagels decided to never have them again because of irrational fears and anxiety about food that she didn’t realize was fuel for her miles and body. 4 months ago I started eating bagels again, daily, smothered in peanut butter.
So, I’ve had the flu for like a week (I’m still not well and I’m quite worried about going in to work tomorrow but having been absent for two weeks, I think it’s time I made the attempt) and I have alternated between semi-lucid and SUPER ANXIOUS depending on when I took my cold medication. Like, I’m flipping my shit over something that’s not due at work until mid-May.
But one of the few benefits of having dealt with depression for twenty years is that I know when something I’m feeling is unrealistic; not enough to help, but enough to prevent myself from doing stupid shit, which is almost as good.
So I, knowing that my anxiety was irrational, googled “Anxiety” and “Flu” and APPARENTLY THE FLU CAN GIVE YOU ANXIETY. And not just like, “oh shit I’m sick and stuff is building up” anxiety. Like literal biological Capital-A Anxiety. It seems that cytokines, which are a kind of cell protein, are linked to anxiety and depression, and are released in way higher numbers when you’re sick. I haven’t sought out the studies yet, but there are studies which indicate that reports of depression actually peak during high flu season.
So if you’re sick and freaked out, FYI, there’s probably a stronger biological link than you suspected. Blame it on the cytokines!
I think it’s very important for ppl who do not have any form of mental illness to understand that for many of us, it is not our situations that make the illness. Unfavorable situations and environments can obviously make it worse but right now I love my apartment, love my job, love my roommate, and love my boyfriend but I still have an anxiety disorder and I still have anxiety attacks, irrational storms of panic come over me and I can’t stop it and the fact that I am in general happy doesn’t make that stop so…….no, changing my environment or my perspective doesn’t remove the disorder, it is literally just part of Me