iron man jokes

7

Just a few posts I collected that are nice examples of how Tony Stark is not just some self-centered jerk.

     I’ve said it before, but you can’t take everything the man does at face value. He’s a deep and very human character that you have to pay close attention to and try to understand.

  • Peter: Dad, Steve.. I-I think I'm gay.
  • Steve: Oh, honey, we love and support you no ma-
  • Tony: HI GAY I'M DAD

First of all, sorry for the slow responses! I forgot that I had to work a shift today, so I wasn’t around all afternoon. Which didn’t leave much time for me to write, but here I am, so lets do this (until I inevitably disappear to get some sleep)! Also I’ve gotten some very lovely asks but I wanted to write this down before I forgot. I thought of this headcanon while I was working and it’s too damn good not to share:


Alright, this happens at some point after CW but before Thanos shows up. The team (without Bucky, who’s still in Wakanda, working on getting his head cleared) is back in the US, having signed some form of revised accords. Steve is no longer team leader, but otherwise they’ve gotten off fairly easily with little repercussions. The tension between the old and new Avengers is obvious and especially Tony is met with outright hostility. It doesn’t help that Rhodey still isn’t in any shape to join the fights and is rarely around.

One day Clint signs Tony up for a parenting class. It’s another not-nicely-meant joke because of all the criticism Tony’s gotten for letting Peter fight. Only, the thing nobody expected? Tony actually goes. Because apparently he’s just that masochistic (apparently part of him still desperately wants to fix, to work things out between them). It earns him a lot of harsh ridicule, but Tony finishes it all the same.

Thing is, the Team Cap is so busy making fun of him, they don’t even notice when things start changing. Little things. When Steve walks into an argument between Clint and Tony and asks the latter “What have you done now?” disappointedly, Tony doesn’t snap something, get defensive or flee. He says “Have you ever noticed that you’re always immediately assuming I’m the one who has done something?”. It earns him another hurtful comment from Clint, and the incident is forgotten.

Until. Until, one day, during a debrief, Steve snaps. “She’s just a kid, Tony!” he yells when Tony keeps insisting on harder training for Wanda.

There’s a moment of silence, before, “Oh. Really? Does everyone agree with that?”

“You’re still not done catching up, Stark? So much for the futurist,” Clint sneers, and the matter is dropped. Or so it appears.

For the rest of the meeting, Tony is quiet. Thoughtful. In retrospect, they should’ve taken it for the warning it was.

That evening, when Wanda orders a new dress online, FRIDAY dispassionately informs her the transaction is impossible, as the price goes beyond her monthly allowance.

After a fruitless shouting match with the AI, she goes to Steve. Who (after a just as fruitless shouting match) goes to Tony. Who shrugs. “You told me she’s just a kid. Nobody, not even she herself, disagreed. I’m treating her like one.”

Suddenly, M-rated movies are inaccessible whenever Wanda is in the room. Once her curfew is reached, all electric devices go into sleeping modus (unless in case of an emergency of course). Talking with Tony, screaming at Tony, proves to be completely useless. Tony refuses to budge. Repeats lessons from his parenting class, about enforcing rules and teaching children boundaries.

And it doesn’t end there. The entire team is cut off from Tony’s money–Steve has to admit, he’s entitled to that, and maybe the team has gotten a bit too used to throwing Tony’s money around. That’s not the bad part anyways, they all have their own salaries from the government, they can still live. Just maybe a little more limited than before.

But suddenly the services they’ve become accustomed to are cancelled. They have to buy groceries themselves. There is no cleaning crew after Wanda throws a temper tantrum–she has to clean it herself or one of her ‘staunch defenders’, as Tony calls them, has to do it for her. New furniture doesn’t magically appear out of thin air, they have to buy it. And suddenly–suddenly the costs are starting to add up.

There’s a list pinned to the fridge one morning–on paper even–with their chores, going from doing the dishes to the laundry, that rotate every week. Who hasn’t fulfilled his one has to do all the chores the next week. FRIDAY keeps track of it, and barring missions and injuries, there are no exceptions.

Being grounded is an honest to god possibility now, including all electronics, for when they break one of the House Rules. And they are all enforced ruthlessly.

They all try to talk to Tony about it–they aren’t children, they don’t have to put up with this shit, it wasn’t funny to begin with, when is he gonna stop this already–but he remains unmoved.

It’s all “You told me Wanda is a kid,” and “I am allowed to set rules, considering you’re living under my roof. And there really is no excuse for breaking them, you are all aware they exist and why. They’re reasonable and you know it.”

And the most damning of them all. “If you’re so grown up and independent, you know where the door is. Walk out. This isn’t a prison, and you’re always welcome back, provided that you’re following the rules. You can walk away any time you want.”

Suffice to say, Clint is getting a lot of shit for signing Tony up for that parenting class. (Tony tells him he really appreciates it because clear communication is important.)

Avengers: Infinity War
  • Cumberbatch: We need to infiltrate the heart of the city before Thanos get's there.
  • Downey JR: I agree, that would be pretty bad.
  • Freeman: No shit Sherlock
  • Cumberbatch & Downey: *Awkward glare*
  • Cumberbatch: (Whispering) not now John, I'm under cover.
  • Martin Freeman needs to say the "no shit Sherlock" in Infinity War I stg.
Cooking with Avengers
  • Tony: Hey, Peter, pass me the pan
  • Tony: PETER PUT WADE DOWN
FrostIron #2

Ok so we all know that Tony gave Loki the nickname reindeer games because of the helmet but can you imagine Loki actually reading Rudolph’s story and realizing how this technicallyy children’s christmas tale is basically about how badly everyone will treat you when you’re different unless you prove yourself useful which was litrally what Odin planned when he ‘adopted’ him

2

Tony: He has an amazing beautiful perfect robot body actually. A work of art made by the two greatest minds I’ve ever known. Jarvis designed his body and I got to build it and pick out his wardrobe.

Jarvis: I really wish you would let me wear a suit ,sir. And these shoes are a bit extreme.

Tony: That is a suit. It’s super classy.And besides I gave you Steve’s hair and my nose you’re attractive in everything now.

Jarvis: Sir I can assure you that’s the least of my complaints.

You know one thing I don’t think I’ll ever understand is the characterization of Krem as the ‘mature’ one of the Chargers or the straight man for Iron Bull’s jokes all the time. I don’t mean people showing him as serious at times either or responsible, cause he is, but like I see him being portrayed so much as a lot more serious and tired of jokes than he actually seems in game. This is a kid who in our second encounter with him not only gives Iron Bull lip but follows up with asking about caskets of alcohol that they opened with axes. Based on how he said it to, it doesn’t sound like he just let people do it but was right there with them going: you know the best way to break this big container of alcohol open? Weapons!!

Then when you meet him with the other Chargers again he’s teasing Bull about running around shirtless and referring to Bull’s 'pillowy man bosoms.’ In the first part of that exchange it actually sounds a bit like Bull is exasperated one with 'it’s a harness, Krem’. How many times has Krem teased Bull about that? Probably a lot.

Then before Demands of the Qun where he’s sparring with Bull, you walk in on him telling Bull 'you’ve still got plenty of ass Chief’ after Bull says he’s working his ass off to show Krem a move. This is followed by Krem mentioning how he always wanted to see one of the dreadnaughts in action. From his tone it sounds like he can tell Bull is really on edge with this and he’s trying somehow to lighten the mood. Cause his tone isn’t aggressive or stoic, it sounds like he’s saying something to try and ease the tension he knows is there. And while Krem isn’t Bull level reading people he can still do it. He knows Bull isn’t feeling great about this.

Follow this by being on the storm coast itself and even right before a fight he still sarcastically refers to Bull as 'mother’ and then assures him they’ll be okay.

And if you save the Chargers back at skyhold, again you have his interaction with Bull where he mentions Bull breaking out Chasind Sack Mead for the Chargers. And again his tone is just light and sounds like he’s trying to point out a fun thing Bull is doing with them. From Bulls reaction I wonder if that mead isn’t super strong and that’s why he practically face palms with Krem mentioning it to the inquisitor because the night is going to be chaotic. Or if it’d just like Bull is frustrated with everything (because honestly Bull being like 'you don’t say that in front of the inquisitor ’ seemed less like Bull, whose usually very open with everything and seemed to come more from frustration about all that had happened beginning.) And then you have Krem changing his tone again instantly because he can read people and then Bull kinda sighing and smiling saying he’s doing fine.

Then we get to the reasons I say Krem can read people and this is based on what he says and what Bull says about him. One is Krem says after everything happens that Bull is down about what happened with his people, but hasn’t said anything but the Chargers can tell. If Bull isn’t talking about it and trying to avoid it (you even get disapproval for apologizing to Bull about coming between him and his people ) then I’m guessing it really is something that he’s trying not to show. So for Krem (and all the Chargers here actually) to know and be able to read that when Bull is trying not to let anyone know I thinks it’s safe to say they can read people and Bull pretty well.

It’s also based on what Bull says to you about Krem and why he’s such a good second. One of the reasons being that Bull says Krem is someone the others can talk to when BULL is being a to much of a hardass. I really don’t think someone whose as serious or just downright frustrated with any jokes like I’ve seen him portrayed a lot as being, could do that. I’ve been in situations where you have to work as a mediator of sorts and defuse the situation. Best way to do that after listening to someone and just letting them talk and being there for them? Well timed humor. Especially dry humor. Which Krem seems to excel at. If you can get someone to laugh or even just smile it does help. So for him to do what he does, for Bull to recognize the talent he has in this area and the other chargers to actually come to him , it doesn’t make sense to me when I just see him as always the serious one.

Yes he says how he’s been putting up with Bulls jokes since Bull rescued him and offered him a job. And he absolutely groans when Bull makes his Krem Brulee joke.

But him groaning about that joke also comes after we see his interactions with Maryden that include him explaining why he sat on the back of a chair to “get a better look at your…songs. ” that is a dork move if I’ve ever seen one and it was funny and cute. You then have him telling her the Chargers have their own song and offering to sing it. We’ve all heard that song. That is not a stoic song or something you generally sing on a date if you don’t have the humor to pull it off.

And the biggest one for me, Krem asking the inquisitor to distract Bull so they can get his birthday present ready. Watching the Chargers get that ready to it’s a fun thing they’re doing and Krem gives Rocky a look for drinking, but five seconds later let’s him blow something up so they can get the dragon skull in the room. And they set this up as a surprise. Not even just a gift. He’s beaming when he tells Bull surprise! Happy Birthday Chief.

Plus the stories he tells you about the Chargers adventures! He sounds like he’s having fun telling those and even makes a point to make a joke about squirrels being the worst part of one if their jobs!

Krem is a fun character with fun interactions. He can absolutely be serious and somber and he knows how to fight and make sure everyone is okay and follows a plan. But he can also be light hearted and just plain funny. I think sometimes maybe because his humor is so dry in parts he can be read as more serious than he is, but looking at the tone and interactions with others I don’t think he’s as serious/exasperated with jokes or would be the constant straight man for Bulls jokes that I’ve seen a lot of in fics and stuff.

This isn’t about any fic or anything in particular and I don’t want to tell anyone how to write his humor. This is just an observation of a trend I’ve noticed in s lot of places and kinda just wanted to ramble about why I think Krem actually has more of a sense of humor than he’s often shown with.