I’ve spent all day trying to figure out exactly what I want to say and the best ways to say it, and I’ve had the hardest time.
So I suppose this instance, as happens every so often, is best served with just saying it.
Today is very important to me because a year ago I met the most amazing person in the world. We were introduced by a mutual friend, and from that moment I knew she was special. I knew that I loved her.
I hated myself back then, badly. I didn’t believe I was ever allowed to be happy. I did my best to keep people from getting close to me because I believed I’d just end up hurting them in the end; and I would never hurt a fly.
But she was different. She made it her mission to help me love myself. To convince me that I was a person who deserved to be happy. She always knew how to make me feel better. No matter how badly I was feeling. I always thought she was just being nice at first; that she didn’t mean what she was telling me. Just like everyone else before her.
But a part of me knew she meant it. And so I started to believe her. She helped me despite all the shit in her own life, her own problems. So I dedicated myself to helping her feel better. To understanding her problems and how best I could help, from the other side of the country. I’d stay up all night to the crack of dawn keeping her company via text, and on skype when we could. Wishing, wishing with every fiber of my being as I cried, that I could be there for her and whisk her away from all the pain she felt.
I cared for her more than I ever thought I could care for anyone; and I felt the same from her. Every single day I tried to find a new way to make her happy, a new way to make her laugh, a new way to see her smile. Because she deserved it, she deserved to be happy. Not just because she was the kindest person, but because I loved her with my whole heart, with my soul. I loved her more than the sun loves the moon or the stars love the sky. Everyday I loved her more and more. And, she loved me too. She’s the only person to ever make me feel, truly feel, like I was somebody. Like I deserved to be happy, to be loved. Her voice was a song in my ear. Her touch, always with care. Her eyes, like stars in the darkest abyss of life. She is my sunshine, as she used to say I was hers.
We have done so much together, I only wish that we had been able to do so much more. So many dreams that we helped each other realize. There is so much more I want to say, I wish I knew how to say. Just know that I say it from the bottom of my heart.
I love you. Thank you for everything that you have done for me. I hope that I have done just as much for you as you have done for me, if not more. I’m so glad I met you. There is no one more important to me than you, and I’ve only ever been proud of you. Every single day.