“Carry on down there about three five miles until you come to the gimpy child with the hula hoop. Keep an eye on him he’s a contrary fucker! You never know what way he’s gonna left next! Keep going until you come to a graveyard! With a hen it it! And if that hen is looking at you, and I mean STRAIGHT FUCKING AT YOU… you may as well come home. You’ll have no luck today. What the fuck are you going to Offaly for anyway?”
Tommy Tiernan on Irish giving directions.