iraqistan

Everyday on the Internet.

God created Adam & Eve, not Republicans & Democrats. Wake up sheeple. We are all Christian Americans. The only color I see is Red, which is what our soldiers bleed in Iraqistan. Cooperation with Russia is great to understand our enemies and book vacation packages to North Korea. Climate change is a myth to teach evolution in schools and send kids to detention for prayer under the Confederate flag, an important symbol for freedom and voter IDs. Healthcare is not a right unless I need it and in that case All Lives Matter except the ones that do not because of fake news.

– Y'all’s Aunts basically.

“If I punched every bitch who called me fat, it would be dead bitches all up and down the highway." 
Star Jones

"To be black was to be the beneficiary of a great inheritance, a special destiny, glorious burdens that only we were strong enough to bear.”
President Barack Obama

“A cat can have kittens in the oven but that don’t make ‘em biscuits.”

“Nothing gets a Virgo all hot and bothered like comprehensive document organization.”

“If you can’t run with the big dogs keep yo puppy ass on the porch.”

“Every time I look at her, I think 'Is a McDonald’s somewhere missing an employee?’”
Keith Olbermann on Sarah Palin

“Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.”

“I’m glad that I have done one useful thing in my life…even if it has only been to encourage a friend to get food stamps.”

“When I woke up, I had a cookie in my mouth. I was eating them in my sleep.”

“Sir, I do drugs, okay. I do not remember things.”

“I’d love to go to the gym, but I can’t get my head around the footwear.”
Victoria Beckham

Carrie: “You just caught us a little off guard with the lesbian thing.”
Samantha: “That’s just a label, like Gucci or Versace.”
Carrie: “Or Birkenstock.”

“English majors do it MLA style." 

"Calories don’t count when you’re on your period.”

“Those are my huntsfruit dots.”

“I know three things: politics, art, and strippers.”

“There is one simple rule to breaking up: Always be classy. Never be crazy.”

“They got a funny bunny club up at NW Classen.”
(in reference to the new gay club at a local high school)

M: “Where is the Tree of Life now?”
S: “In Iraqistan.”

back when filling out your facebook info was a thing people actually cared about, i maintained a list of quotes on my profile.
i just saw it again for the first time in years.