Avengers Alcohol headcanons
Cap: Samuel adams, like he wont drink bad beer but he’s not going to drink pretentious craft beer either, he finds that reasonably priced medium. The guy in the bar who feels like he can instruct the bartender on what channel should be playing on the TV and how loud it should be. After four beers he starts to point a lot.
Tony: He crosses the broad spectrum of alcohol, like from toasting everyone with Dom Perignon 2008 Vintage champagne to ‘ay who wants to watch me down this bud light lime out of caps helmut’ just 100- 0 real quick
Natasha: no its not stoli or russian standard, not all her vodka is russian you stereotyping fuks, but hey, you want some i have some out back its 89% and was brewed in a soviet war bunker by a guy named ivan, it’ll burn a hole in your tongue, your oesophagus and your soul, here i’ll pour you a shot
Bruce: Doesn’t know anything about wine but if he just asks for ‘the house wine’ at restaurants he knows he’s gonna sound like he’s ‘with it’
Falcon: classy belvedere vodka done in shots from the tackiest plastic shot glass he got free from a sale bottle of Sierra Nevada. Is in charge of the jukebox/ipod dock/aux cord and no one appreciates that but they should
Thor: MEAD and ALE served in TANKARDS by WENCHES and… you know… I guess Heineken or whatevers on tap is fine too…. I mean it’s not served in an ivory and gold drinking horn but….ok
Rhodey: Sierra Nevada or Blue Moon, beer for the man who knows what the term ‘hops’ actually means. He is the designated driver and knows his limits, he’s defintely only going to have one and then he’s going to make sure Tony isn’t going to steal thor’s cape and try and use the infinity gauntlet as a substitute drinking horn, he is going to be responsible. An hour passes. He is up on a table with tony, both wrapped in the cape, using caps helmet as the substitute drinking horn as they both scull bud light lime while singing sweet caroline
Bucky: Doing shots with natasha
Fine five star cognac aged in oaken barrels in some rich provincial french town shipped to his estate exclusively and served to him by a beautiful lady in a crystal glass carried on a polished vibranium tray as he sits in a plush leather chair overlooking his land
Clint: It’s always tequila, and every time he puts the little plastic sombrero hat on his head and thinks he’s really funny. That or he’s the guy that drunkenly pressures people to eat the tequila worm for an hour and then when no one wants to he does it himself and fifteen minutes later he’s vomiting behind someones car in the driveway
Wanda: did a shot of 89% soviet vodka and is regretting her decisions
Vision: Requires no alcohol as it serves no apparent function. Is enquiring to the whereabouts of a bucket so that he might assist wanda
Spider-man: tony stark let him have a sip of his bud light lime if he promised not to tell cap and it was so rad but oh my god that was so nasty but he cant say that because like its probably fancy millionaire beer, this is the coolest thing that’s ever happened to him, he can’t believe he was even invited to this party.
Ant-man: was not invited to this party