Joe never thought much of it, not at first, the way Jack acted around him, when it was just the two of them. He was too wrapped up in figuring out what exactly they were and what was going on between them.
They weren’t completely together, but they were something, and clearly enjoyed each other’s company.
But then as they spent more time together, both alone and with their group of friends, Joe began to pick up on the differences.
When it was just him and Jack, the younger man was different.
He was sweet and caring, paid attention to Joe and what was being said. The focus was on them, then and there. Jack was carefree and happy.
But when they were with the others, he changed.
Gone was the sweet and caring man that Joe had grown to appreciate, instead replaced by the cool guy persona, the one who brushed off an form of intimacy or romance. Jack basically ignored Joe when they were all out together as a group, and went back to making his little comments about the people that would pass them.
The boys never knew anything different, because why would they? Jack never revealed that other side around them.
Joe did notice though. And as time went on, and their relationship that wasn’t a relationship continued to grow, he noticed it further.
And it didn’t sit right with him.
He wanted to be able to talk to Jack whether they were alone or surrounded by people. Joe wanted the younger man to look at him the same way whether they were sat alone in his flat, talking about random shit, or if they were hanging out with the boys.
He wanted Jack to be Jack.
But apparently that was too difficult for Jack to handle, and so he kept up the double persona, acting one way around Joe and then another while with the boys.
Since this wasn’t the relationship, if it could even be called that, that Joe wanted, he decided to pull back. If Jack wasn’t able to be himself around everyone, if he felt like he had to put on this act for the boys, then Joe would let him. Because he wasn’t going to be able to change Jack. But he also started to avoid hanging out with the younger man, at least alone. It had become too painful to figure out which side of Jack he was getting, he was tired of watching Jack flip suddenly, and above else, Joe was frustrated.
Because he wanted to be with someone who was willing to be himself. Completely and totally himself.
It seemed that it was Jack’s turn to not notice, because he didn’t seem to pick up on the change. He didn’t notice that him and Joe didn’t spend nearly as much time alone together, or that he was playing more to his cool guy persona than who he really was.
Joe wasn’t sure if that hurt more or not. Perhaps he was relieved at getting out of the situation when he did, if this was what being with Jack would be like.
But it still hurt knowing that he had lost Jack, because he really did care for the younger man, and had wanted to explore what could have been.
Yet Jack did notice.
He noticed the way Joe kept his distance from him when they were around the guys. He noticed the way Joe pulled back, changing plans quickly if it was meant to be just the two of them. And he noticed that it was his fault.
He was all too aware of how he acted differently around the guys, because they only knew of him as the cool Jack. The only knew of him as someone who flirted and teased and joked.
They didn’t know that some of his favourite moments were spent sat on the couch with Joe, tracing invisible patterns into the older man’s skin. They didn’t know that he loved to watch Joe ramble on about something he was passionate about, and the way his blue eyes lit up in a way that made Jack’s stomach flutter. They didn’t know that he’d rather spend a night in with Joe than go out to another club.
And there was no one to blame but himself.
Having Joe pull away from him hurt Jack, and he was at a loss of what to do. But he knew that there needed to be something done, something to prove to Joe that he was in this for real, that he wanted their relationship that wasn’t really a relationship to become real. Jack was ready to stop being scared of showing the other side of him around the boys, and he was more than ready to call Joe his boyfriend.
As long as the other man was still willing to have him.
It was while they were all hanging out, having just filmed another group video, that the idea hit Jack.
For the past week or so, he had been reeling in his cool guy persona, wanting to no longer hide behind it, but now he knew it was time to just come clean and show the guys who he really was.
He just hoped that Joe didn’t reject him. At least, not while around the others.
The older man had been mostly avoiding Jack, ensuring to sit the farthest away he could on the couch, and managing to not have to say a single direct word to him.
That needed to change.
Standing up and facing the group, Jack focused in on Joe, who found a sudden interest in his lap.
There was a low mumbling from the other boys, but Jack ignored them, willing Joe to lift his eyes, to listen to him.
“I’m sorry, Joe.”
That did cause the older man’s head to snap up, his eyes narrowed into a glare, “Oh, you’re sorry are you? Thought you were too cool for that.”
Wincing, Jack nodded, “I deserve that. But I am…sorry, I mean. I’ve been an idiot.”
“What are you even doing?” Joe asked him, his eyes guarded.
“Proving to you that I’m serious about this. About us.”
A confused murmur passed across the others, but they were further ignored.
“I want to be with you, Joe. I want to be who I am with you all the time, not just when we’re alone. And I know, I was making things so stupidly complicated, never really saying what this was, or what I wanted, but I want you.” Jack ran a hand through his hair, “If you’ll still have me that is. I know, I’ve right fucked it up.”
“No,” Joe mumbled, “You haven’t.”
“Well, I have been an ass.”
“Got that right.”
Letting out a small laugh, Jack continued: “I’m not going to pretend any more, I’m done pretending that I don’t care, that I don’t make stupidly cheesy comments, that I don’t love just laying around with you and laughing until the point of tears. I’m done pretending that I don’t care about you, and I’m done pretending that it doesn’t kill me that you’ve barely even looked at me tonight.”
“Are you done talking?” Joe asked, looking up at Jack with a small smile.
“If you’re going to reject me…then no.”
“I was going to tell you to shut up so I could do this,” Joe stood from the couch and moved closer to Jack, pressing his lips against the younger man’s quickly. “Because I’m not rejecting you.”
“Sorry for being an idiot.”
“I have a feeling you’ll be saying that a lot in this relationship.”
“So this is a relationship then?” Jack asked hopefully.
“If you promise to stop having two different sides, then yes.”
“I promise. No more cool Jack, just dorky Jack.”
“Perfect.” Joe smiled, his fingers sliding into Jack’s.
“What the hell is going on?!” Oli blurted out finally.
New Music Taste Ep #30 (Special: Linkin Park’s “One More Light” Album)
Welcome to New Music Taste Special Episode, a series of music recommendation from the latest album releases. Uploaded on the middle of the week. I keep my radar on the pop music and pop punk scene’s album releases, but I always explore for new music because that’s what “New Music Taste” is all about.
Linkin Park is an American rock band from Agoura Hills, California. Formed in 1996, Linkin Park had released seven studio albums, five live albums, two compilation albums, and the list goes on. The band took off with the adaption of nu metal and rap metal on their music, but they have explored other genres ever since. Which led us to their latest studio albums, One More Light.
One More Light was their seventh studio album and released on 19/05/2017. The album contained ten tracks including Heavy (featuring Kiiara) and Talking To Myself as lead singles. This album sounded slightly different from their previous works. As a band who liked to explore their variation of musical taste, this time they added more electronic and pop to the album.
Two months after the album release, Chester Bennington shocked the fans as he was found dead hanging in his home. The sad event happened on Thursday, 20/07/2017. After the news broke to the world, oh how their music sounded different in a way. It didn’t matter if they made musical changes on One More Light, lyrically they were still Linkin Park’s finest.
Those are my top 5 favorite songs from One More Light album by Linkin Park to honor Chester Bennington’s last musical work. I thought people like him would’ve overcome his demons but I guess we never really know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. Your music will live on and keep saving people who struggle with their own demons, I know cause I’ve been there. You sure will be missed, Rest In Peace Chester.
That’s all I got for this week’s special episode, I hope you listen to the whole album because the artist put them together for a purpose. And if you love it, share ‘em with your friends.
“Summoned to lay down the rules for the foundation of Perinthia, the astronomers established the place and the day according to the position of the stars…Perinthia - they guaranteed - would reflect the harmony of the firmament, nature’s reason and the gods’ benevolence would shape the inhabitants’ destinies. In Perinthia’s streets and square today you encounter cripples, dwarfs, hunchbacks, obese men, bearded women. But the worse cannot be seen; guttural howls are heard from cellars and lofts… Perinthia’s astronomers are faced with a difficult choice. Either they must admit that all their calculations were wrong and their figures are unable to describe the heavens, or else they must reveal that the order of the gods is reflected exactly in the city of monsters.”
INVISIBLE CITIES: Perinthia
Gouache, charcoal, and colored pencil on bristol board.
I'd really love it if you did some more Jaspar stuff? Maybe a soulmate au?
Title: Black And White
Summary: You see black and white your whole life, until you find your soulmate. Joe’s 20 years old and he still hasn’t found his soulmate, and he’s tired of seeing in black and white. It isn’t until his sister drags him out to a party and a miracle happens.
“Now I will tell you how Octavia, the spider-web city, is made. There is a precipice between two steep mountains: the city is over the void, bound to the two crests with ropes and chains and catwalks…Below there is nothing for hundreds and hundreds of feet: a few clouds glide past; farther down you can glimpse the chasm’s bed… Suspended over the abyss, the life of Octavia’s inhabitants is less uncertain than in other cities. They know the net will last only so long.”
So I’m cleaning my computer archives and came across this photo I took one day with my shitty camera and they’re are really bad photos and you can’t really see his/their faces anywhere but M E M O R I E S