investment of energy

Ways to Love Yourself

1. Know yourself
You cannot love someone you don’t even know.

2. Accept that you have strengths and weaknesses. You have skills and problems.
Do a SWOT Analysis (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) of yourself if you want but remember, opportunities and threats are external. You don’t have control over them. But you can use your strengths and improve on your weaknesses, both of which are internal, to handle the external.

3. Disliking certain things about yourself is normal. That gives room for improvement. Improve. Don’t be lazy and choose the path of self loathing.

4. Forgive yourself
Understand that making mistakes is the way to grow. If you hadn’t fallen on your bum a couple hundred times you would have never learned to walk. If as a baby after one fall, after one mistake of breaking something, you would have decided to just sit in the corner and never try again, you would still be sitting there with the broken pieces. Don’t do that. Learn from your toddler self. Get up. And the only way you can do that is by forgiving yourself.

5. Accept that as of now you do not love yourself.
Lying to yourself won’t eventually lead you to believe it as the truth. Lying to someone you love is not a way to love them.

6. Disregard what others say about you. So much of the good and bad they tell you really has more to do with themselves; their mindset and mood, their motives and interest. Don’t let people fill in blanks for you. That won’t lead to a happy ending, it won’t lead to a story you can call your own.

7. Be patient with yourself, be kind. Being hard on yourself is a really stupid thing to do. It isn’t productive, it isn’t one bit effective and it is completely unnecessary.

8. Discard the idea that you are breakable. Reject the concept that someone can leave you broken. They can hurt you, yes and they can cause you an immense amount of pain but they cannot break you. You aren’t made of glass. Give your cells a little more credit. Give your heart a little more of it too.

9. When you realize that the grass is greener on the other side, don’t draw up plans to ruin that grass or come up with a way where you can camp on it and abandon your own grass. Instead, take a trip to the shop to buy some fertilizer and tend to your own grass. Upskill yourself constantly.

10. Learn new things. Invest time and energy in things that interest you.You didn’t learn to play piano in school but always wished to? Who said there is an age limit. In most cases the saying, ‘it is never too late’ stands absolutely true.

11. Look yourself in the mirror. You can admire or just observe. Look into your eyes. Look at your reflection. Just look. Have a see in what’s inside. Don’t look away. Have the courage to see the truth.

12. Spend time with yourself. Buy yourself flowers if flowers are what you love. Don’t wait to meet the right person to do the things you always wanted to. Go star gazing, skinny dipping. Solo travel. Do whatever you want to and can. Write your future/past self a letter. Cook yourself a meal. Buy yourself some ice cream. Click goofy selfies.

13. Learn to accept compliments. Be graceful. All you have to do is say ‘thank you’. And please don’t feel the immediate need of returning the compliment. You don’t always have to give when you get. Especially when you don’t really have anything to give. A ‘thank you’ and a smile are more than enough.

14. Learn to be okay in silence. The voices in your head? They terrorize you, I know. But trust me, they go away. They go away if you face them. There are no demons in your head. These are just echoes of your fears and insecurities. Listen to them. Breathe deep. Know that they are weak. Face them head on. And then ask them to leave.

15. Accept your body. However it is or it isn’t. It has accepted you in every possible way. Accept it and see how it accepts you even more. Accepting doesn’t mean not changing something that you can in a healthy way. It only means that your love is unconditional. Your love is whole. And that is the only way to love yourself. Wholly.

—  creatingnikki 
a plea on behalf of authors with works in progress

I know people “hate” WIPs and “don’t usually read/comment on them” because “it’s so frustrating waiting for updates” and “what if it never gets finished?”, but let me just say something from the point of view of someone who has written several multi-chaptered fics over the years, including one that has sat unfinished since 2010:

It’s lonely. It’s a huge investment of time and energy into a project that you hope people will like, but most of them will never tell you until it’s finished. It’s easy to get frustrated. To feel like no one cares, or is paying attention. To feel like giving up, or shelving it for later.

Encouragement along the way is like rain on the desert for writers of WIPs. Knowing people are excited about your story, and eager to see what happens next. Your questions and your love can light a fire under a writer, keeping them going when they might otherwise feel like maybe it’s not worth it. Your feedback might even give them a new idea when they are feeling stuck.

So take a risk. What’s the worst that can happen? You get to read something you enjoy, even if it’s unfinished. Balance that against maybe being the reason something does get finished, after all.

Extroverted Introverts: Ten things to know

Also known as an ambivert, an extroverted introvert is someone who exhibits qualities of both introversion and extroversion.

1. Their spot on the spectrum changes with their environment.

Your ambivert friend may be loud and gregarious around their family, but quiet and thoughtful at the office. Seeing them in both situations may feel like meeting two entirely different people.

2. Talking to strangers is fine – but don’t expect them to keep it to small talk.

Although an ambivert can hold up their end of a conversation, talking about the weather will not be enough to engage them. Their social energy is limited enough that they won’t want to waste it on meaningless chatter. They will likely push the conversation into deeper territory or bow out entirely.

3. They like to be alone – they don’t like to be lonely.

There is a big difference between the two. Choosing to sit at home with a tub of ice cream and a book feels fantastic. Sitting at home because nobody called them back feels sad and lame.

4. Getting them out of the house can be a challenge.

If you catch your friend on a highly introverted day, you may just be better off leaving them at home. They might manage to be social, but they’ll just be thinking about their books and their couch the whole time.

5. If they’re new, you can find them in the back of the room.

An introverted extrovert will approach new situations with cautious excitement. If they know someone in the group, they will likely cling to them a bit as they become comfortable. If they do not, they might waver on the edge of the crowd, slowly getting used to the water rather than jumping in all at once.

6. They’re selectively social.

They don’t mean to be snobs. They just have limited social energy and prefer interacting one-on-one or in small groups. For this reason, they can only afford to invest their social time and energy in those who they feel truly connected to.

7. Making friends is easy. Keeping them is hard.

They like talking to people, but they value their alone-time, as well. This can make maintaining a friendship tricky. If your ambivert friend makes an effort to consistently invest time and energy in your friendship, be glad. You are truly special to them.

8. Their social desires change with the breeze.

They might be desperate to hang out with you on Friday, but then not answer your call on Saturday. They’re not mad at you. They’re just super comfortable in bed watching films.

9. They can talk to you for hours.

If you manage to catch them in a one-on-one situation, an extroverted introvert will just not shut up. Once their interest is engaged, there’s no stopping them.

10. Listening is great too, though.

Sometimes they want to be a part of the action, but their social energy levels are too low for them to contribute in a meaningful way. Listening allows them to get to know you without burning up their social fuel. They also know its value from their chattier moments when they are desperate for an ear.

gay men can call women gorgeous and beautiful and no one bats an eye. but a lesbian says she thinks a man is nice to look at and suddenly every one is picking apart her identity because our society is dead set on women investing their time and energy in men. 

people will comb through for any shred of evidence that a woman might be attracted to men and use that against her, to prove that desiring men in an innate part of her. 

your identity is your business. who you want to be with, what feels right to you is your business. you get to decide what is important to you and what parts of your experience you want to keep and what you want to leave behind.

you can be a lesbian if you want to. 

Declutter Your Life

I’ve resolved that every Wednesday, I will write a masterpost about self care and living clean and happy lifestyles. Mainly because my blog is devoted to that too, besides being a studyblr, but I hardly ever post original content about it, so hereeee we go. :)

Plan first

  • Make a list of areas you want to tackle
  • Or items you want to go through
  • Set how long you’ll clean
  • And a little reward for yourself when you’ve reached that goal
  • Envision what you want your space to look like at the end
  • Set aside three baskets or areas: one for things to keep, one for things to trash, and one for things to donate/sell

House

There are just some ideas of things to get rid of or pare down. Feel free to add your own. :)

Bedroom

  • unnecessary pillows on your bed or extra blankets
  • monsters under your bed
  • chargers, wires, etc. that go to devices you don’t have anymore or that are broken
  • old devices, phones, ipods
  • books you felt kinda eh about while reading them
  • copies of books or CDs
  • old notebooks
  • sticky notes that have lost their stickiness
  • broken pencils
  • markers that have dried up
  • any art supply you don’t use
  • scrap paper that’s gotten too small
  • scrap yarn that’s gotten too small
  • old art projects
  • unfinished art projects
  • papers
  • candles w/o any smell
  • Scentsy-type stuff w/o any smell

Closet

  • clothes that don’t fit
  • all of those clothes you save for your “ugly days”
  • shoes that hurt that you don’t even like the looks of
  • underwear with holes (or blood stains - ya feel me, girls?)
  • socks without a matching pair
  • socks with holes
  • bras that are even looking tired
  • copies of clothes, like multiple white t-shirts
  • jewelry you don’t wear
  • childish jewelry
  • broken jewelry

Bathroom

  • hygiene products past their expiration date
  • faded towels
  • bottles with only a few drops of product left
  • worn out toothbrushes
  • hairbands that have lost their elasticity
  • congealed nail polish
  • makeup you regret buying

Digital Life

Social Media

  • Unfollow people, be merciless, make your social media a place of positivity
  • unfriend toxic people (see the next section)
  • go through your own posts and delete anything you regret posting
  • take social media breaks

Computer

  • upload all of your photos to Google photos or flickr or photobucket or onedrive or whatever, or even a CD, then delete them from your memory
  • also back up important documents or just things you want to keep to something else and delete them on your computer
  • go through and sort everything into files
  • delete any programs you don’t use

Phone

  • clean out your pictures, upload them to cloud or whatever
  • delete all of the apps you don’t use or need
  • go through your contacts and delete the people you don’t want to contact anymore
  • delete old text message conversations
  • give yourself a new background too, something clean and simple

Relationships

  • Get rid of those people who are toxic in your life, mute notifications from them, unfollow them on social media (you can unfollow someone one facebook without unfriending them), don’t answer them often
  • make an effort to interact with people face-to-face rather than through text or the internet
  • decide who you want to actively invest your energy in

School

  • make a study schedule
  • prioritize your schedule – study the hardest subjects the most
  • remember that grades are important
  • also remember that grades aren’t everything 
  • (pls don’t fire me from being a studyblr)
  • if you can’t get everything you need to do done in 24 hours without sacrificing 8 hours of sleep and a bit of time for yourself, then you’re doing too much

Best tip to stay decluttered: Learn to say no.

Attitudes that Lead to Success

1. Remember that you are the driver of your life. You choose your goals and your attitudes.

2. Look for the positives , and ways to overcome the challenges and obstacles you meet along the way.

3. Notice the strengths and positives in others. We all appreciate when other people say kind things.

4. It’s hard to stay stressed if you’re also being thankful. So cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

5. Find your passion and your “why” - and then invest your energy in reaching for some dream that makes you feel fully alive.

6. Refuse to let the negatives of others wear you down, or undermine your passion, or make you change your course.

Hindsight

Loving the wrong person can interrupt your entire life. Please be aware of who you invest your time, energy and soul into, because before you know it, your dreams and aspirations have taken a back seat and you’ve become fixated on fixing them. Don’t put your life on pause for anybody. People rarely change anyway and plus that is not your responsibility. Ignore the guilt trips and invest in something with a better return, you. Plus, people who have your best interest at heart will never allow you to lose focus/ let opportunities slip through your fingers. Stay woke and be careful of energy vampires. There are people out there who purposely seek those with pure souls and plot to drain them of everything they have. Emotional labour is the most unrewarding time-consuming unpaid occupation known to man. Be careful and remember if the positive energy isn’t reciprocal, fucking leave. This is a regret you don’t want to be burdened with.

- Meggan Roxanne
20 things I learned at 20

1. You can have only one best friend and that best friend can only be you. Because you may come across a dozen lovely people but the only one who can keep the ‘forever’ promise is you.

2. Family is the most important. This is the only love that is truly unconditional and absolutely pure. They love you when you’re 5 and when you’re 18. They love you in your failure and your success. Their love doesn’t increase because it’s already at its maximum right from the beginning, it’s already infinite.

3. Cocktails and aerated drinks may soothe your taste buds but tea soothes your entire body. It’s warm and calming and well, healthy.

4. Your first kiss means nothing if it’s not with the right person. And the right person doesn’t mean your soulmate or someone who will never break your heart but someone who in that moment loves you as much as you love them.

5. You’ve written over 350 exams and you’ve got a perfect score in some and scored miserably in others but do you remember your 9th grade math score? Do you even remember 9th grade math? Education is so important but not the stress and competitive grading that comes along with it. If you get a low score or even fail, not much will happen – you will get a retest. But if you get ill – mentally or physically, it will have undesired long term effects.

6. In 8th grade your school psychologist told you that you’re one of the few people who walk in life with open arms loving and helping everyone, not because you haven’t bled but because you know you will heal and have the strength to do so. At that point you laughed at her but now, years later you’re loving, accepting and helping in spite of having both, actual and metaphorical scars.
You’re kind and admitting that doesn’t make you conceited.

7. Goodbyes don’t always have to be dramatic. Writing an 800 words message won’t make it hurt any less than an 8 words one. Closure usually has not much to do with the ones who wronged you but with taking your time in dealing with all the stages of grief. Some stage like anger may take only a month but acceptance may take years and that’s okay.

8. Jealousy is a basic human trait. They can be the closest to you and yet envy your happiness and life. Envy is something you too experience and you can be happy for them and be sad for yourself at the same time because so bitter it is to view happiness from someone else’s eyes. You aren’t a horrible human being if you feel like there are better shades of green your grass could be.

9. Read at your own desire and pace.
You don’t have to read particular books to qualify as a bibliophile or read a specific number of books to be a bookworm either. Read what truly interests you and take your time because reading was never a task, don’t make it one now.

10. Money is important. Money can’t buy love but it can buy happiness. But not blood money. Money honestly earned through hard work. That kind of money is good, that kind of money is required. You have a certain standard of living and if you want to maintain that after your parents stop financing you, you must make sure to earn the same. It doesn’t make you a snob or a spoiled brat, it only makes you a human aware of your wants, many of which have turned into needs by now.

11. There are somethings you just never grow out of like bubbles and glitter and your mother’s hot chocolate and hugs. Those are the kind of things that make life bearable when adulting gets too hard. Those are the little things that matter the most.

12. You cry. A lot.
But you don’t cry in front of people for their pity. You don’t cry to manipulate situations. You cry because you accept the pain. You cry because you don’t reject or lock away your emotions. You cry because your mental, emotional and physical self are in sync and that’s healthy. That’s so lovely.

13. Bake cakes. They don’t have to look pretty as long as they taste delicious. Paint canvases. They don’t have to be a master piece as long as all the paint in your hands and face and jeans makes you feel complete. Write more. It doesn’t have to a novel or even be posted online as long as it lets you breathe a little lighter and smile wider.

14. Go for walks alone, sit on the beach without your headphones, look up at the sky without a lover, buy flowers for yourself. Nature is legit free (for the most part). And it’s the richest thing that the world has. Le it bring you peace, let it help you survive.

15. Make home feel home. Sometimes you won’t have your family to make it home. Sometimes you will have to make it home by putting a part of yourself and that means investing the time, energy and money in making it feel yours, in making it feel right. It may not be your ‘dream house’, it may just be a tiny room but it’s yours. Your surroundings play a major role in affecting your mood and vibe.

16. Energy is real.
You may not know much about Science beyond 10th grade but you do know this, e=mc ²  which means everything is energy, you are energy and there is positive and negative energy and you can feel it and you experience it in every person you meet, every place you visit, every room you step inside. You can and you must choose to surround yourself with positive energy. What you attract, you do get; what you attract you become.

17. Spend time with yourself. It’s some of the best time you will have. You need to unwind, you need it to re-energize, you need it to focus and you need it for peace. You can go to a cafe by yourself, write, read, meditate, talk to yourself out loud, dance in your underwear, cook and just be.


18.  Take care of yourself- no one else can, no one else will. Drink loads of water, there’s a reason why more than half your body is made up of water. Sleep well because staying up all night isn’t something to be proud of, it’s stupid. Don’t skip breakfast because skipping breakfast makes you crave fatty foods for the rest of the day. Stay healthy not because you want to look a certain way but because you want to feel strong and energetic and have an active mind, body and heart. Staying healthy emotionally and mentally is just as important. So let those who want to go, go and never say yes to something your gut wants to scream ‘NO’ to.

19. Love yourself. If you don’t love yourself you will look for other people to love you. If you don’t accept yourself, you will keep seeking other people’s validation and the moment they withdraw it or walk away, you will crumble. And you don’t want to crumble. You want to enjoy the one person’s company you have to live with forever – yourself. Work on being a person you’d love to spend your life with because let’s face it, you don’t have a choice. It’s a long term investment and the only one that will never fail you.

20. In Shakespeare’s words, “To thine own self be true”. In order to love yourself, knowing yourself is very important.  And knowing yourself doesn’t mean the adjectives that people use for you or what your zodiac sign says about you. It means what you know in your heart to be your truth.

One more for good luck?

21. You laughed and thought it was very witty when you came across the quote, ‘Don’t take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.’
but god. Can it be any truer? Most things you’re stressing over now won’t even matter 3 years from now. But good days will turn into heart-warming memories that will stay with you even 2 decades later.
Happiness and success are two different things but remember, they aren’t mutually exclusive. At least they don’t have to be.

How to Kill Feelings of Inadequacy

1. Choose to like, love, value, and believe in yourself. Choose to be your greatest allay – and the best friend you could have.

2. Ask a good friend if they’ll tell you what they like about you most. Then believe what they are saying – don’t just push their words aside.

3. Commit to discovering what you’re good at and enjoy, then invest time and energy on developing those traits.

4. Don’t exalt others’ gifts as if they matter more than yours. Every talent is important. Don’t right off your personal strengths.

5. Learn to show yourself compassion when you struggle or you fail. And remember “you are human” - so you’re going to make mistakes.

6. Notice ways that you are growing … ways you’re changing over time. Give yourself some credit for this – you are different from before.

anonymous asked:

So I have a character who learned how to use a longbow when she was a child to hunt. My question is two-tiered: one, in what ways would that impact her physical development; and two, would this help her if she needed to use a bow against people?

Strong shoulders, strong arms.

In all honesty, the bow is a weapon you build to as a hunter. The first weapon she’d have learned was the sling. More useful for small game, and you can be deadly accurate with it. The David versus Goliath story in the Bible isn’t actually a joke or overblown. A child taking down a grown adult with a rock and a sling is entirely plausible if said adult isn’t wearing a helmet. The sling is the weapon of children everywhere, shepherds and hunters. In many parts of the world, they still use it. It’s also better for small game. Katniss would’ve done better braining the squirrels with a sling rather than a bow, like children do.

As a child, she’d be trained on a child’s training bow and work her way up the different types of bows practicing on a single target. The longbow is a weapon that requires a fairly hefty amount of upper body strength to wield, and she’d have to work and train up into her early teens before she was allowed to use it for hunting. The amount of strength you can draw dictates how far the arrow flies and how deep it penetrates. Depth of penetration is important, as is how far the arrow flies. Both define how close you need to be to your target in order to be successful. Herbivores don’t stand around waiting for a predator to kill them, and carnivores might just decide turnabout is fair play.

So, most of her childhood was spent on dummy duty with her bow as she learned to clean and care for it. Learning to stand, and that’s a whole series of lessons. Learning how to string the bow, learning how to hold it, learning to draw before she was ever allowed to shoot.

What whoever was training her would set her on before that is the other skills, and she’d act as a gopher for them the way all apprentices do. Following behind the older hunter, carrying their equipment, watching them and acting under their direction. You can’t hunt if you can’t find game, and you can’t eat it if you can’t clean it.

Hunting comes with a necessary subset of skills which allow the hunter to work. They don’t just go out into the woods and kill shit then come back. It requires patience. It involves waiting in one place for an animal to come by, sometimes for days. Traps, tracking, reading sign, learning to move through the underbrush without disturbing it, hiding your scent, etc.

Your hunter will catch more food that they eat on the regular with snare traps set for rabbits and other small game than they will with the bigger game like deer. Bigger game takes more investment, more energy, and a lot more luck. There’s also a higher chance of injury.

There are plenty of herbivores that won’t go down quiet, deer included. If your hunter hits wrong and they sense/smell them, there’s always the chance they won’t run and will come right in after the hunter. Animals have “fight or flight” too, and a doe can gore you just as well with her hooves as a buck can with his antlers. Any poor soul chased up a tree by a moose or just gut checked by a horse can tell you, herbivores are assholes. On an unlucky day, they’ll kill you just as well as a carnivore and that’s if you can find them at all.

The chances of managing a “one hit kill” with an animal like a deer are low and, even if you land a killing blow, they’re not just going to fall over dead. You’ve got to be able to follow it, recover the body, and kill it as it lies there bleeding out on the ground if necessary. You’ve also got to have some way to carry it back. Then, there’s the risk you run with whether the herd animals will return to the same place or move somewhere else if too many of their number die. If they do, and they’re your primary source of food, then you’ve got to move with them. Nevermind that there are quite a few animals a bow is simply no good for, like bears and boars. Where you need other tools like dogs and spears.

Hunting is a complicated business, and it doesn’t come with any guarantees.

Now, those skills do translate over well on a certain level to dealing with humans. Though, it’s not the weapon skills so much as the other less flashy ones. Many scouts in medieval armies, for example, were hunters of one sort or another. As were the foragers tasked with feeding them. The ability to tell how many people passed, where they passed, and what they brought with them from the tracks left on the roads or in the hills was a valuable ability. The ability to move through the woods without being seen, to hide your passing, to tell who is breaking trail, and to find their camps was also helpful.

The Ranger class in DnD is built on the hunter. You want a character who has more in common with Aragorn than Katniss. Aragorn uses a bow, but it’s not his only weapon.

The reason for this is that the bow isn’t a great weapon for close quarters. More importantly, it takes time to prepare. You don’t travel with it strung, as that wears out the string. If the string is no longer taut when strung then you can’t fire the bow. You don’t travel with the wood left to the elements. It needs to be wrapped, and packed away. Constantly be oiled to maintain its elasticity/limberness so it can be drawn. A dried bow is a bow you can’t pull, no matter how strong you are. You also can’t get it wet. It’s a weapon which takes a lot of prep in order to be used, a lot of care, a lot of maintenance, more than average, and a lot of hard work.

When you’re in, say, a military or part of a raiding force that knows its attacking then that’s great. Or someone who is on watch for certain periods during the day and will be relieved by another, that also works. Or when you’re sitting alone in the woods waiting for an animal to come by. However, the necessary prep time a bow requires is a lot less helpful when you’re taken by surprise.

By the time you’ve taken it out, unwrapped it, strung it, you’re dead. The enemy was also probably too close for the bow to really be of help anyway. Its a weapon which requires distance. Awesome when you’re pegging people from the ramparts, halfway up a tree, or fifty to a hundred feet off. Less so when they’re standing over you, axe in hand. The traditional role of archers in a military structure is artillery, and not that different from how we use the modern one. Their purpose is bombardment, they soften up the enemy so the vanguard can break their lines and kill them.

There is one kind of single combat the bow is useful for: stalking.

The bow is a silent weapon, and when used in a hunter-stalker mode, can be terrifyingly effective. It’s a stealth weapon, meant for ghosting in and ghosting out as you pick your enemies off. However, this kind of combat requires a proactive mindset and a willingness to get your hands dirty.

It’s also vindictive and, from the perspective of most modern morals, it’s cruel.

Humans are no more lucky than animals when it comes to hunting. The bow is the slow death. No character, no matter their skill level, is going to be guaranteed clean kills. However, what they do get is debilitating blows. An arrow through an arm, a leg, or better a lung, is going to take enemies out of the fight and if they’re not dead yet then potentially another one with them. Harassment is the order of the day. The slow path of carving off opponents, damaging them so they can’t fight back, following as they try to run, before moving in for the kill.

It’s a predatory style of combat, it is (really) just hunting. Hunting humans instead of animals. The terrifying form of combat that haunts so many horror movies. It’s psychological warfare.

However, it’s the kind of combat that takes time, patience, and a strong stomach. It’s up to you to decide if that’s the kind of combat you envisioned for this character to participate in. Or the kind of story you want to tell.

People embrace the Predator and Lara Croft from Tomb Raider (2013), and countless others that have this particular combat style.

It might, however, behoove you to consider coming up with other weapons this character has familiarity with. From knives, to traps, to fishing lines, to other more improvised weapons built on the fly. This character has a range of options within their skillset, and there’s no need to stick to just one.

Also we have a bow tag, and an archery tag for past discussion on this subject.

-Michi

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anonymous asked:

1) welcome back! You were missed! 2) Do you think certain MBTI types are prone to certain problematic behaviors and 3) if so which ones really bother you or you dislike?

Thanks. Yes, certain MBTI types show trends when it comes to problematic behaviors. My top one for each cognitive function:

High Te (ENTJ, ESTJ, INTJ, ISTJ): The Sledgehammer

Summary: Uses a one-size-fits-all solution for different sized problems.

Example:

  • Using brute force to power through situations that might require more patience, finesse, and reflection.
  • “This worked great for me, you’re dumb not to do the same.”
  • “Don’t pursue a career in art, you’re going to be poor. Go into business, law, or medicine.”

Impact: The problem with being a hammer is that you’ll start to see everything and everyone as a nail. It also makes people feel like their opinions and points of view are less valuable than yours. It also falsely presumes that the choice which yields the best output objectively (example: the job that yields the most money) is the best. It negates the reality that people have different indicators for success because there isn’t only one correct answer to every question.

Solution: Incorporate subjective variables into your objective logical frameworks.

High Ti (INTP, ISTP, ENTP, ESTP): The Hamster Wheel

Summary: Invalidates everything in a perpetual logic loop.

Example:

  • “Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?” x1,000,000

Impact: You succeed at winning debates but fail at solving problems. Whether or not you can rationalize the validity of money doesn’t take away from the fact you still have bills to pay at the end of the day. Whether or not you can rationalize the value of grades and traditional education doesn’t take away from the fact you’ll be denied entry into many careers without the right qualifications. Whether or not you can rationalize that having children is a logical idea or not doesn’t take away from the fact that many people aspire to be parents. The validity of other people’s goals, dreams, concerns, and issues are not contingent on whether or not they can explain them to your satisfaction.

Solution: Create solutions, answers, and actions for every hole you poke in other people’s logic– not more problems.

High Fe (ENFJ, ESFJ, INFJ, ISFJ): The Guilt Trip

Summary: Guilt trip. verb. to make (someone) feel guilty, especially in order to induce them to do something.

Example: Self-explanatory.

Impact: This is manipulation. You’ll get on people’s nerves and make them miserable because you’ve forced them into situations they didn’t willingly want to enter or participate in of their own accord. Secondly, you haven’t provided solid concrete reasons and logic for why someone should do something, it’s an argument made without taking into consideration the other person’s comfort or needs. 

Solution: Explain clearly and transparently why you want someone to do something (yes, it’s really that simple).

High Fi (INFP, ISFP, ESFP, ISFP): The Cloudy Mirror

Summary: Judges people for things they don’t want to be judged for.

Example:

  • “I wish society wouldn’t judge me for not wanting to have children and not wanting to be a housewife.” [Proceeds to judge people who want to have children and want to be a housewife]
  • “Not everyone wants to be rich in life, we all have different definitions of success that should be respected.” [Doesn’t respect people who want to be rich in life, automatically think these people are greedy sell-outs]

Impact: This is hypocrisy. It also comes off as illogical and presumptuous when people’s intents and motivations are automatically filled in by you. Some people buy sports cars because they actually have a passion for driving– they’re not necessarily materialistic. Some people seek high-paying careers at the expense of personal passions because they have obligations and goals they’d like to reach– they’re not necessarily greedy. Some people like traditional gender roles in relationships because that’s their personal choice– they’re not necessarily oppressed and/or close-minded. 

Solution: Accept that “conformity” in behavior, goals, aspirations, appearance, etc. doesn’t equate to misery and/or lack of authenticity.

High Ne (ENTP, ENFP, INTP, INFP): The Whiplash*

Summary: Chronic quitting and the inability to commit due to impatience and lack of discipline.

  • *Whiplash: noun. a neck injury due to forceful, rapid back-and-forth movement of the neck, like the cracking of a whip.

Example:

  • “I’m going to do A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J … Z!” [Does none of it]
  • “Let’s do this. Let’s do that. Let’s go back to doing this. Let’s go back to doing that.”
  • “I want to have six-pack abs! I’m going to be SHREDDED.” [Exercises and eats well for one day then goes back to bad habits the next day]

Impact: People stop taking you seriously because you can’t execute on your promises, it dilutes the weight of your words and it corrodes respect (ex: “Yeah, uh-huh, sure you will, buddy.”). No one is immediately an expert at something the first try– seeds take time to grow and you’re no exception to this rule. Developing expertise and skills require time, commitment, and consistency. Results don’t happen overnight.

Solution: Underpromise and overdeliver– don’t overpromise and underdeliver.

High Ni (INTJ, INFJ, ENTJ, ENFJ): The Nutcracker

Summary: Hits people below the belt using knowledge those people shared against them.

Example:

  • Someone is insecure about their weight, you insult their weight.
  • Someone is insecure about their skin color, you make a comment about their skin color.
  • Someone tells you a secret, you expose it.

Impact: People won’t confide in you for fear you’ll use what they told you against them. This creates barriers to having close and meaningful friendships because people will view and treat you like a ticking time bomb they can’t let their guard down around. Understand that certain topics and comebacks are off-limits no matter how you feel about the person at the moment; certain words and actions have a lasting impact on your relationships. Memories fade but scars last.

Solution: The nuclear option should be your last resort, never your first.

High Se (ESTP, ESFP, ISTP, ISFP): The Blindfire*

Summary: Leaps before they look.

  • *Blindfire: noun. The term referring to the act of operating a firearm without looking at what one is shooting at.

Example:

Impact: Your lack of foresight and lack of planning will set you back even further from your goals because immediate rewards and instant gratification often only provide short-term benefits that rarely last. There’s a proverb that’s applicable here: “measure twice, cut once” which means that investing time and energy up front to do it correctly the first time will save a ton of time, money, energy, and grief later down the line.

Solution: Stop, drop, and roll think if the path you’re on actually leads to where you want to go.

High Si (ISTJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ESFJ): The Helicopter

Summary: Micromanaging, nitpicking people to death.

Example:

  • “Write the email but let me review and edit before you send it.”
  • “What are you doing right now? Where are you going? When are you coming back?”
  • “I noticed when you loaded the dishwasher you put the spoons and forks in before the pots and pans, you should put the pots and pans in before the spoons and forks.”

Impact: Half the internet is writing posts complaining about you, the other half is writing posts complaining about having to read all the posts complaining about you. Micromanagement saps people of confidence and motivation, it also increases the chance that the bad thing you’re trying to prevent will actually happen. Additionally, you’ll feel paranoid and anxious that something will go disastrously wrong if you’re gone which results in burnout because you’ll always need to be there to keep an eye on things. This is counterproductive for everyone involved.

Solution: Choose your battles wisely– focus on the “what” (the goal) and not the “how” (the method).

me: yea, a communicative and healthy relationship with emotional intimacy sounds good

someone: *invests love and energy in me, isn’t abusive, wants to establish an emotional connection, acts affectionately towards me, worries about my wellbeing and encourages me to open up to them about my feelings and past experiences*

me: who in the fresh fuck do you think you are

Ways to Love Yourself 

1. Know yourself
You cannot love someone you don’t even know.

 

2. Accept that you have strengths and weaknesses. You have skills and problems.
Do a SWOT Analysis (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) of yourself if you want but remember, opportunities and threats are external. You don’t have control over them. But you can use your strengths and improve on your weaknesses, both of which are internal, to handle the external.

 

3. Disliking certain things about yourself is normal. That gives room for improvement. Improve. Don’t be lazy and choose the path of self loathing.

 

4. Forgive yourself
Understand that making mistakes is the way to grow. If you hadn’t fallen on your bum a couple hundred times you would have never learned to walk. If as a baby after one fall, after one mistake of breaking something, you would have decided to just sit in the corner and never try again, you would still be sitting there with the broken pieces. Don’t do that. Learn from your toddler self. Get up. And the only way you can do that is by forgiving yourself.

 

5. Accept that as of now you do not love yourself.
Lying to yourself won’t eventually lead you to believe it as the truth. Lying to someone you love is not a way to love them.

 

6. Disregard what others say about you. So much of the good and bad they tell you really has more to do with themselves; their mindset and mood, their motives and interest. Don’t let people fill in blanks for you. That won’t lead to a happy ending, it won’t lead to a story you can call your own.

 

7. Be patient with yourself, be kind. Being hard on yourself is a really stupid thing to do. It isn’t productive, it isn’t one bit effective and it is completely unnecessary.

 

8. Discard the idea that you are breakable. Reject the concept that someone can leave you broken. They can hurt you, yes and they can cause you an immense amount of pain but they cannot break you. You aren’t made of glass. Give your cells a little more credit. Give your heart a little more of it too.

 

9. When you realize that the grass is greener on the other side, don’t draw up plans to ruin that grass or come up with a way where you can camp on it and abandon your own grass. Instead, take a trip to the shop to buy some fertilizer and tend to your own grass. Upskill yourself constantly.

 

10. Learn new things. Invest time and energy in things that interest you.You didn’t learn to play piano in school but always wished to? Who said there is an age limit. In most cases the saying, ‘it is never too late’ stands absolutely true.

 

11. Look yourself in the mirror. You can admire or just observe. Look into your eyes. Look at your reflection. Just look. Have a see in what’s inside. Don’t look away. Have the courage to see the truth.

 

12. Spend time with yourself. Buy yourself flowers if flowers are what you love. Don’t wait to meet the right person to do the things you always wanted to. Go star gazing, skinny dipping. Solo travel. Do whatever you want to and can. Write your future/past self a letter. Cook yourself a meal. Buy yourself some ice cream. Click goofy selfies.

 

13. Learn to accept compliments. Be graceful. All you have to do is say ‘thank you’. And please don’t feel the immediate need of returning the compliment. You don’t always have to give when you get. Especially when you don’t really have anything to give. A ‘thank you’ and a smile are more than enough.

 

14. Learn to be okay in silence. The voices in your head? They terrorize you, I know. But trust me, they go away. They go away if you face them. There are no demons in your head. These are just echoes of your fears and insecurities. Listen to them. Breathe deep. Know that they are weak. Face them head on. And then ask them to leave.

 

15. Accept your body. However it is or it isn’t. It has accepted you in every possible way. Accept it and see how it accepts you even more. Accepting doesn’t mean not changing something that you can in a healthy way. It only means that your love is unconditional. Your love is whole. And that is the only way to love yourself. Wholly.

 

other tips for new cat owners / people who may get cats soon:

no, getting a grown cat won’t be boring / less cute! they’ll become just as attached to you as a kitten. get a cat that speaks to you (literally or figuratively, maybe you want a cat that’s chatty). older cats will be so appreciative to have a home. 
people get rid of their cats for all kinds of unfair reasons. just the ones i’ve seen on the craigslist listings in the last 5 minutes: “i am just more of a dog person (7mo old kitten)”, “we hoped she would get over her kittenish behavior, she has not (2yr old cat)”, “i need to get rid of my cat before my baby is born (3yr old cat)”.
you can totally pick up a beautiful, loving, grown up kitty who will be needing some comfort after getting dumped. just look at this girl.

(taken off craigslist) she would be more than happy to live her cat life with you. is she not cute? she is. she is cute. so, ultimately, adopt whatever cat you like, but don’t rule out older cats!

nextly: no no, do NOT declaw your cat. DON’T DO IT. I’M TELLIN YA.
it’s a deeply painful procedure, actually removing the entire first knuckle, not JUST the nail. it causes long-term and potentially permanent pain in the cat, and can lead to nasty infections, behavioral problems, and helplessness if they ever find themselves outside and in need of protection or climbing abilities.
“but i don’t want my cat to scratch me / my kid / my furniture!” okay, i feel you, but there are other, cheaper, less inhumane options. my favorite of which are claw caps.

you gently press on your cat’s foot (to unsheath their claws), and place the soft cap onto their claw using the glue that’s included in any soft paw kit you get. it might take some getting used to on the cat’s part, but it should under no circumstances be painful, and when the kitty’s claws grow, the cap just kinda falls off, and you’ll put another one on.
you can also file or clip their nails down! if you’re too nervous or clumsy to do it, your vet will usually do it for a small fee, or a groomer can take care of it. Personally, I just let my cats’ claws hang out and accept the pokes when they knead on me, since i don’t have any little babies or expensive upholstery in my home. 

No, cats ain’t “low maintenance”. This is a living, social creature, not a chiapet. Especially if you’re raising them from kittenhood, they need a lot of attention and resources. cuddles, playtime, training, health care, feeding, cleaning up their facilities. you get a pet to interact with, not to buy and leave it be! a cat that you don’t socialize is going to be very moody and sad. get a pet if you plan to invest the time and energy they need- if not, maybe we can come back to that cactus idea? 

Cats need meat. I repeat, cats cannot survive without meat. Dogs need meat too- but cats are incapable of creating taurine in their own, and where do you find taurine? meat! hallelujah!! 
Feeding cats a vegan or vegetarian diet is a slow form of starvation and animal abuse. If you’re not comfortable feeding an animal meat, please do not adopt a carnivore. There are plenty of vegetarian mammals that you would be much better suited owning, but do not abuse your cats just because of your own feelings about protein. 
Without enough taurine in a cat’s diet, severe health problems will follow, like blindness, weak and decaying teeth, weak heart, and digestive issues. This is terrible. This objectively sucks. So pretty please give your cat a proper diet!

It’s way way safer to have an indoor cat. I don’t need you to tell me that you want your cat to be with you for many years, ‘cause I already know you do. Outdoor cats are exposed to wild animals, animal abusers, poisonous substances, cars, harsh weather, kidnapping, and diseases. Cats like rolling around in grass and grabbing birds from trees, and that’s great, but having an outdoor cat makes for a steep decrease in their estimated lifespan. The average lifespan of an indoor cat is 16.8 years, whereas outdoor cats average out to a hard-hitting 5.6. Ouch. 
So it’s definitely safer to keep a cat indoors! If you’re adopting a young kitten, it won’t be hard, since they won’t be expecting outdoor time already. If you’re still really into that whole grass idea, you should totally grow some indoor grass for your cat to chill in. 

good.

that’s everything i can think of for the moment, but please don’t be afraid to do your own research on animal care. there are tons of resources out there, and if you have a good vet, they’ll answer any questions you have! 

thank you for readin’ about cat care. as a reward, i’m adding a picture of toby as a baby. enjoy.