my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.
Below are Google Drive download links. All PDFs have two pages: the first one is the front and the second one is the back. The Form Fillable version has no lines, so you can download and print it without filling the forms if you want.
I intentionally left some things out from this sheet:
Some DMs like writing down “Notable Items” in their settlement notes, but this has never made sense to me. I view special items as NPC belongings or Quests rewards, not something location specific.
The prices, foods, drinks and services provided by the local inn, as well as the inventories of stores. Rather than writing all this down for every settlement, I prefer having a single document for every store. I recommend checking this [Traders & Merchants homebrew] and this [Shopping Catalog homebrew.] Both can be referred to whenever players visit any and all stores.
Town random encounters. I don’t do those, personally.
Of course, if you want to write down any of those you can use the Notes section in the back.
REQUEST: Can u write a fan fic about the girl owning a flower shop and Harry coming in to get flowers for someone else but then they fall in love because love is beautiful like a flower
AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is the final part of this story! I may add an epilogue afterwards, but this will be the last weekly update. Thank you all so much for the feedback and the support that this story has received—this one holds a special place in my heart. I hope that you enjoy! x
Harry had been talking about it for weeks and weeks—he’d had such a good time writing his first album in isolation, that he decided to do the same thing for his second album. He was heading off to a remote island off of the coast of South America, and he had booked out studio time for two whole months.
The two of them spent hours together talking about his travel plans and getting him a head start on the writing process. He would spent days sitting at the counter of her little store—he would even occasionally ring in the customers, teasing her about how he deserves to be on the payroll. For the most part he sat and played the guitar, or brought her fun things that he’d purchased to take with him.
She did her best to distract herself from the fact that her best friend in the world was leaving.
It had been almost a year since Harry walked into her flower store that first night, and now she couldn’t imagine her life without him. She understood why she wouldn’t be able to have any contact with him during his writing process—he needed to focus on his music, and she respected that entirely. But it would be the hardest two months of her life, because Harry was her favorite person in the world.
Things retail workers really want to tell you, but can't:
1. It is not free. It is never free. Unless there is a sign on it that specifically says “FREE” it is not free
2. We hate capitalism but it also pays our bills so we have to love it
3. You being a dick to me for no reason is not going to make your experience any better. Or me any nicer.
4. “Service with a smile” is really taking a toll on my facial muscles. My resting bitch face wasn’t made for this.
5. Your “I just printed it this morning” jokes when I run your bill for counterfeit isn’t funny. We actually take this shit seriously.
6. I know the store inventory better than you. I can bring it up on my computer screen. So when you tell me to go “check the back” I don’t know what you want me to do other than to wander aimlessly, say hi to my buddies in other departments and tell you what I already know.
7. Don’t wink at us. Don’t mistake good customer service for flirting. It’s creepy. It makes us super uncomfortable. And when you make comments to us while we ring you out, it makes everything more awkward.
8. Why the fuck did you shit on the bathroom floor the toilet was right there
9. If an employee says they are off the clock or on break, do not bother them. Seriously. Don’t.
10. Don’t be a dick to retail workers. No one gets paid enough for that.
Hiii! I'm the Anon who wrote that long message with the prompt request. Can I get 77 w/ Jungkook? Thx -Anon Gears (can I become a regular Anon??)
No Refunds (JungshOOK x Reader Fluff)
Prompt request: “Um…somebody broke that.”
Summary: The first time you meet Jungkook, he ruins a display you spent hours making. But he’s cute and adorably embarrassed, so you make the most out of the situation.
Word count: 1.3k words
You stared at the messy, unorganized space around you, wishing your shift would just end faster. The quaint art supply shop you worked in was rarely busy, let alone on a Wednesday afternoon. You took the job because you needed to fund your university career, plus you supported small businesses.
But your boss was scatterbrained and failed to inventory the store properly, leaving most of the mess to you. Plus, he always insisted on having beautiful window displays, so for the majority of your shift today, you slaved over creating a hanging paper sculpture.
A wave of origami pieces were suspended midair using fishing wire. The colours were pastel to match the spring weather outside. The whole thing was beautiful and terribly decorated, so you shouldn’t have been surprised when the display was immediately destroyed.
Two boys around your age burst into the store, barely sparing you a glance from where you stood behind the cash register, as they chattered excitedly. You observed them openly, since you had nothing better to do. The one standing nearest to you was tall and well built, but had a babyish face–dramatically round eyes and pouty lips. His friend was even taller, and had surprisingly similar facial features.
“Dude, why are we even here? Can you even do art?” the taller one asked as he followed his friend through the tiny, messy aisles.
“The fuck, Yugyeom?” the other boy replied indignantly. “Haven’t you seen me draw before? I am the Art God.”
“Ok, buddy,” Yugyeom scoffed. “If you’re gonna buy something, hurry up. I have class in like, fifteen minutes.”
The two boys rounded the store, approaching the front once again. You held your breath as they neared the window display. The artist friend browsed through a marker display, testing a few on the sample pad below.
“Bro, these Copic markers cost more than me,” the boy sighed.
“There’s a pack here on sale,” his tall friend pointed out from a few feet away.
“No way!” he replied, spinning around excitedly.
Time seemed to pass in slow motion as you watched the disaster unfold.
The boy whipped around, searching for the discounted pack of markers a few feet away from him. As he turned, he stepped back to get a better view of the aisle, completely disregarding the delicate display inches away from where he stood. His backpack got caught on several of the strings and origami sculptures. And as he turned quickly, he ripped them away, sending some of the paper sculptures flying across the store.
The pressure from the boy’s spin also caused the mount every single origami sculpture to collapse. You stared, oddly detached, as you watched your labour tumble to the ground with a loud crash.
The two boys froze, and the store was silent, save for the radio playing softly in the background.
Eventually, you stepped away from the cash register and approached the two boys, who both were staring wide-eyed at the broken display.
“Jungkook, you idiot,” Yugyeom hissed, his eyes darting in between you and the broken window display. “You fucker.”
“So, what happened here?” you asked pleasantly, trying to dispel the burning rage inside you.
“Um…somebody broke that,” Jungkook replied in a tight voice, a fiery blush blooming over his cheeks as he turned to look at you.
“I can see that,” you smiled.
“I’m so, so sorry,” Jungkook blurted out, his eyes still comically wide. “Like I’m so sorry. I’ll pay–no I don’t have any money. I’ll help you fix it!”
You raised an eyebrow at this suggestion. “It took me five and a half hours to make that.”
“You made that!? Holy shit!” Jungkook explained, his expression worsening. “Fuck, I’m so sorry! I’ll do anything. I’m not–I don’t–fuck! Just tell me what I can do.”
“It’s okay, I guess,” you shrugged. “I still have a few hours left of my shift. I’ll just try to…repair what’s left.”
“I swear I can help!” Jungkook cried–although it sounded more like a wail. “I feel so bad about this!”
Normally, you wouldn’t really consider making a customer stay back and help clean up the mess they made. But this customer–Jungkook, apparently–seemed legitimately apologetic and inappropriately guilty. Plus, you just realized he was incredibly good looking and didn’t want to turn down the company.
“Well, if you insist,” you replied. “Let me grab the origami paper. Better prepare for an incredibly boring next two hours.”
“You two have fun,” Yugyeom said, slowly backing away from the mess. “I have class. Jungkook, don’t fuck up more than you already have.”
“Amen,” you muttered, as you walked down a few aisles to locate the cheapest origami paper pack you had.
“How many times can I say I’m sorry!” Jungkook cried, watching his friend who slipped out of the store as quickly as he could. Soon, the store was quiet again, the atmosphere tense. When you returned with your hands full, Jungkook was staring at the ground, his cheeks still flushed.
You tossed him a pack of origami paper, which he fumbled to catch. His eyes darted back up.
“Look,” he began, pausing to peer at your name tag. “Y/N. I’m really, really sorry. I feel really bad about destroying your art.”
“Honestly, I don’t really have any emotional attachment to a window display I made in two minutes’ notice,” you laughed. “Just help me make a few origami sculptures, and we’ll be even.”
So, for the rest of your shift, you and Jungkook hunched over the cash, deftly folding origami paper into pretty little shapes. Surprisingly, Jungkook was quite skilled and didn’t need any instructions. While you worked, you exchanged little tidbits of information about each other.
Turns out, you both attended the same university. Jungkook was a year under you–studying business–and roomed with a few friends nearby.
He sang along quietly to the radio while you worked (“You have a beautiful voice,” you had said to him. After spluttering and blushing terribly, he replied, “Thank you. I’m minoring in music, actually.”).
When the next employee came to take over, they eyed the impromptu workstation you had set up suspiciously.
“This kid destroyed the display, so he’s helping rebuild it,” you explained. “But I’m done here, and so is he. So I’ll leave the rest to you.”
And so you shed your smock and your name tag and promptly scurried out of the store with Jungkook on your heels.
“Is it okay to leave the display like that?” he asked, concern lacing his voice.
“It’s fine. Plus that guy was late to his shift last week, and I had to stay behind for an extra hour,” you said, feeling a little petty. “Thanks for your help, Jungkook. I’ll see you around, I guess.”
“Yeah, see you,” he said, sending you an adorable smile that revealed his bunny teeth. And so you parted ways.
You were working the following Wednesday. And like every other Wednesday afternoon, the store was empty. But a few hours before your shift ended, the door chimed as a customer walked in. Your head shot up–you definitely weren’t dozing off–and your eyes widened at the sight of Jungkook waltzing into the store.
“Hi,” he said with a small smile. Jungkook walked right up the cash and leaned against the edge of the counter. The muscles of his arms bulged as he did so, and you were fairly certain that it was on purpose. “I was wondering if you could help me with something.”
“Yeah, sure,” you replied, your curiosity piquing.
“I was looking for something, and I think you have it. I want a date,” Jungkook said, blushing faintly, “with you. You and me–a date. Yeah?”
“Yeah, I think I can do that,” you smiled. “No refunds or exchanges. This is final sale.”
“I’ll take it,” Jungkook laughed, his face illuminated with a wide smile.
These days, Jungkook helped you make the window displays for fun. Turned out, he actually did have a knack for art. Your boss was seriously considering hiring Jungkook, but you dissuaded him from doing it. After all, you’d rather have Jungkook all to yourself.
- Girl in Luv
That’s it! Thanks for requesting!!!! And yes, be our regular anon, that’s so cute (and sorry this took us like 5 years to get to omg). If you’re wondering why my characters are always cashiers, it’s because I work part-time as one lmao. I was feeling some awkwardly cute JK. Hope you guys enjoyed. Thanks for reading 🤓
You may have heard of the Purple Paw Thievery? Small, brightly colored rabbits that live in Autumn’s Lost Wood, a magical forest just outside the tiny, haunted village, Peyroux.
By way of introduction: the Paws love to steal. They love. To. Steal. And will steal pretty much anything. They can steal a shadow from a paladin standing at attention in front of a shrine, and if you look away long enough, they’ll steal the shrine too.
One of their greatest capers came after locating a hardware store owned by a part time super hero. A group of the Paws walked through the front door, stacked together in a trench coat (stolen). A hat completed the odd ensemble, and despite the fact they were the size of three or four rabbits and not that of a human being, they felt it to be a convincing disguise. It was not. Nor was it lost to the store owner that the “customer’s” wallet was a shaped like a head of cabbage and the money smelled strongly of cilantro. The fact that a paw, and not a hand, slid the money across the counter was not suspicious, but that is largely because there are all manner of monsters that need home repair supplies. Some folk have hands, others paws, still others tentacles.
A group of the Paws walked through the front door, stacked together in a trench coat (stolen).
So while there was a pile of Paws paying for pins, nails, screws, and other fasteners, the rest of the guild set about robbing the store. Half or so built various distracting machines to keep the shop owner and other customers from noticing the other half digging tunnels and securing the store’s inventory. Hardware stores, it should be noted, are valuable targets because you can use your purloined products to secure even larger pieces. It was in this way that the core group of Paws cleaned out the inventory while the trench coat crew asked questions about drywall, spackle, the difference between screwdriver shapes, and how keys were made.“W-wait a second!” the shopkeep shouted, at long last, as he looked up from his key cutting machine. He recognized, a bit too late, that he was duplicating his own house key. And that his shop was gone.
“Wh-what the?!” The reader will forgive, please, an absent minded hero.
Though we are on opposite sides of the alignment bridge, I cannot fault him for falling for the adorable methods the Paws use to elude attention. They are masters at deception, illusion, and fuzziness.The shop owner stared, awestruck, into the neighborhood. His entire shop had been stolen. A final standing wall fell, leaving nothing but a closed door, leading to and from nowhere. The shelves were gone, all of the tools and accouterments were taken, most of the floor was nowhere to be found.
The official police report read, accurately, “Not a single nail was spared, not a screw could be located. Had our station not utilized many of the services at Hero Hardware, we would not be able to accurately say a store had ever existed on this spot.”
It’s been almost two months since the beginning of sophomore year. Things have already been much different than they were freshmen year. The most significant change is the absence of Kat. While Sheri and some of the other cheerleaders were great to hang out with, it just wasn’t the same. You missed having someone confide in and get shit faced with every weekend.
You attempted to have that with Hannah. Other things got in the way. It had barely been three weeks into the year when the news about her and Justin flooded the hallways. By the end of the day, you’d seen the picture and heard the accusations. You tried to speak to her about it, but she didn’t have much to say. She didn’t take your attempts as genuine. You tried to get Justin to apologize, to handle the situation, so she didn’t feel isolated. You tried talking to Kat in hopes that she could get through to either of them. It didn’t work. Justin refused to lose face and Hannah wanted nothing to do with him. Not that you could blame her. It was a dick move.
Speaking of dicks, in a literal sense, things with Jeff were a little different. About a week into the year you found that the both of you had the same study period. Every day since he has sat with you in the library. Sometimes he attempts to do his own work or help you with your Spanish homework. Sometimes you try to help him with his work, but overall it usually ends with the two of you becoming distracted and talking about anything but school. While he did occasionally sit at the same table as you at lunch, he had recently taken to sitting beside you. The changes were minor, but the almost constant proximity worked to somewhat lessen your anxiety around him.
Thankfully, today you are able to relax a bit. It is a Saturday, and you’ve spent the entirety of it with you mother. Your little sister’s birthday is coming up. Your mom has an entire party planned down to the last detail. Despite the fact your sister is turning five and would be happy with a simple cake and a few presents, your mother is pulling out all the stops. You’ve spent the entire day trailing her as she picks the perfect decorations, gifts and toys for grab bags.
The day of shopping is finally at an end when your mother suggesting picking up something to eat. While you would have settled for anything, she insists upon going to Monet’s. Something about the menu options being healthier. You go along with it because arguing would get you nowhere. The cafe is the same as always.
As you’re standing in line with your mother, you notice Hannah sitting off to the side. She’s not alone. Sitting with her is another girl and a guy. The girl you’ve seen in passing while at school. The guy you are sure you’ve never seen because his looks are too memorable to forget.
“Mom, just get me the usual ok?” You tell her.
“Where are you going?"
"My friends here,” you point towards Hannah, “I just want to go say hi."
She doesn’t say anything in response so begin moving towards the group. As you move closer, the girl notices you first.
"Hannah.” You say as you approach the table. She looks up at you with a slight smile.
“Who are your friends?” You ask awkwardly.
“Uh, this is Jessica and Alex."
Cool, hey I’m Y-"
"Oh, I know who you are.” The tone of Jessica’s voice catches you a little off-guard. It sounds almost accusatory.
“Oh yeah,” she looks a bit smug, “You’re Y/N. Honor roll student, really nice hair and likes to get trashed every weekend.”
“How do you even know this?” Alex asks.
“Her reputation precedes her.” She states smugly.
“Well, what more of an introduction do I need?” You laugh slightly, “How have you been Hannah?"
"Good. Excellent actually."
"That’s great.” You pause for a second, “ Listen, I know you don’t really fuck with is but I really want you to give us or at least me a second chance. Justin’s a dick, but that’s not who I am. There’s a party at Bryce’s tonight. You should come. All of you.” You rush out.
“I’m down for a party. Especially after drinking this.” Alex says as he points down to his cup. Sitting there is something you’ve never seen another person order.
“What is that?” You ask with a laugh.
“An Affogato or whatever the fuck,” he shrugs, “I have to drink it.”
“It’s a long, unfortunate story.” He sighs.
“Hopefully you can tell it to me tonight.”
“Y/N!” You look over to see your mother standing by the door with to-go bags ready.
“See you guys tonight?” You hear their soft murmurs of agreement as you make your way towards your mom.
The rest of your day goes as expected. Dinner with your parents is the same as usual. Your sister is excited that your mother began shopping for her birthday. After dinner, you retreat quickly to your bedroom to get ready for the party. You decide on a simple outfit of jeans and a shirt. Thankfully, you only needed to touch up your makeup and hair before you were ready to go. About twenty minutes later you receive a text from Sheri that she’s outside. After a quick goodbye to your parents, you find yourself climbing into Sheri’s car.
“Hello, gorgeous.” You smile.
“Hello to you too.” She smiles back.
The ride to Bryce’s is short and sweet. Sheri quickly leaves your side to go comfort a fellow cheerleader that’s crying for whatever reason. You immediately make your way to the kitchen to make yourself a drink. You make the drink as strong as you can tolerate. After checking your drink is to your liking, you begin looking around the house for your friends. You find them in one of the other rooms sitting at a temporary poker table.
“There she is!” Bryce announces as he notices your presence.
“Here I am!” I smile and pull a chair between Monty and Zach.
This isn’t the first time you’d observed the guys playing the game. You could play but quickly found yourself bored whenever you did. Instead, you enjoyed watching them attempt to be serious poker players. The game was coming to an end when you noticed two people make their way into the room.
“Jessica!” You stood up quickly and walked over to the pair.
“So this is your natural habitat?” Jessica asked looking around the room.
“I guess so,” you laughed, “Where’s Hannah?”
“She said something about her parent’s needing help with inventory for the store or something lame like that.” Alex rolls his eyes.
“Where’s the alcohol?” Jessica interrupts.
“Oh, I can help you with that.” You take her hand and pull her into the kitchen.
You down what’s left in your cup and show her the counter full of drinks.
“Pick your poison!”
You notice how she’s looking at the drinks almost skeptically and get two Jell-O shots.
“How about we start easily?” You suggest.
She takes the shot from your hand and shrugs. You tap the plastic containers together and down the shots quickly. Two more shots and another drink later the two of you are drunkenly giggling in the middle of Bryce’s living room. The alcohol worked quickly at relaxing both of you. It turns out that once Jessica relaxed a little, the two of you got along well.
“I thought you were going to be such a bitch.” She giggles.
“Oh don’t be fooled, she’s a bitch,” Bryce smirks as he walks into the room. He sits on the side of you and throws an arm around the back of the couch.
“So who’s your friend?”
“This is Jessica, and no she doesn’t want to fuck you.” You reply.
“Ouch. And here I was thinking drunk you was a nicer person.” He laughs.
“And as usual Walker, you’re wrong.”
He only shakes his head a little.
“I’m going to get a beer. Either of you need a refill?” He asks.
“Yes please,” you smile sweetly.
He takes your cup out of your hand and disappears into the other room. You and Jessica continue talking while you wait for Bryce to bring your drink back. He’s back relatively quickly and attempts to take a seat with you again, but a slight crash from another room pulls him away.
“Have you and him ever…” Jessica trails off in question.
“Ew, oh my god no,” you shudder at the thought, “and I don’t suggest you do either.”
“Oh, I didn’t plan on it. He’s not my type.”
“Good call.” You reply.
The two of you talk for a while longer before you both decide to look for Alex. You find him in the kitchen with Justin and Zach. You can’t help but smile as you notice that the three seem to be getting along.
“So, I’ve gotten to know Jessica a bit, but you’re still a mystery. Tell me about yourself, Alex.”
“What do you want to know?” He asks.
“What are your hobbies, your favorite band. What are your parents like?” You reply.
“His dad’s a cop,” Jessica adds in.
You gasp dramatically.
“A cop?” Your attention shifts to Jessica, “Is he hot?”
“I don’t know; he won’t let me meet him yet.” She rolls her eyes.
“You implied that you wanted to fuck my dad. Of course, I won’t let you meet him.” He grimaces.
“Who doesn’t want to fuck a guy in uniform?” You ask.
“Thank you!” Jessica exclaims.
“Jesus, how much have to two of you had?” Zach laughs.
“Not enough Dempsey.” You wink.
Out of the corner of your eye, you notice a familiar face make their way into the kitchen.
“Jeff!” You nearly yell with a smile. You attempt to walk over to him but the all the alcohol you consumed seems to hit you at once and you stumble slightly. He puts his hands on your waist to steady you slightly and laughs.
“Whoa there. I see you’ve been drinking again.”
“Come on,” you loop your arm around his and try to pull him towards your friends, “I want you to meet my new friend.”
He gives in and walks with you over to where the group is.
“Jeff this is my new friend Jessica.” You gesture to the other girl who gives a wave and a smile, “And Jessica this is Jeff.”
“Nice to meet you.” He smiles genuinely at her. You seem to have zero patience for any small talk that might take place and bring his attention back to you.
“How long have you been here?” You ask.
“A while. I’ve been in the other room playing poker.” He replies.
“Did you win?”
“No, I actually suck at poker.” He laughs a little.
“So the great Jeff Atkins isn’t perfect at everything.” You whisper and move closer to him as though what you’re saying is a great secret.
“Who says I’m perfect at everything?” He questions.
“No one needs to say it. You just are. Right down to your perfect face.” You mumble and tap the tip of his nose with your finger.
“Ok, you’re definitely drunk.” He laughs and takes hold of your wrist.
“I am not!” You insist.
“That sounds exactly like what a drunk person wound say.”
You go to reply but are interrupted by Troy.
“Dude, you need to go for a beer run.”
“Eh, I was just about to go home. I don’t think any of you need anything more to drink.”
“Come on man, do-“
“You can’t go home!” You interrupt.
“I can’t?” He laughs.
“No,” you whine and wrap your arms around his neck, “I just found you. Who am I gonna talk to?”
“I don’t like them as much as I like you.” You mumble.
“I can think of a few things I’d like to touch.” You slur out as you lay your head on his chest.
“Ok, I think it’s time for you to go home.” He laughs.
“No, I’m fine!” You insist.
“You can barely stand up straight.”
“I just really like your chest. It’s comfortable.” You mumble.
“And you can absolutely lay your head on it another time.”
“You promise?” You pout.
“I promise. Now, let’s get you home.”
Jeff shifts slightly and wraps an arm around your shoulders. The walk to his car is trickier than you expect it to be. You don’t remember Bryce having so many stairs in his house. Thankfully, Jeff’s arm never loosens from around your shoulders. The ride starts off quietly. Until your drunken mouth begins running again.
“You’re so fucking nice Jeff.” You whine.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“It is! You set the bar way too high for everyone else.” You reply.
“I’ll try to be more of a dick. Would that make you happy?” He asks.
“No,” you mumble, “it’s one of the things I like about you.”
You don’t have the energy for you to reply, so you nod slightly in confirmation and close your eyes. It feels like hours later when you are being shaken awake.
“Hey, you’re home.” He whispers.
“How do you know where I live?”
“Sheri texted me the address.” He replies, “Can you make it into the house or do you need help?”
“I can make it, thank you.” You reply smugly.
He attempts to say something else, but you are already out of the car. You take the walk up the stairs slowly. His headlights are still lighting up the front of your house and you know he’s watching. The stubborn part of you is determined to make it inside without assistance. It takes a minute of fumbling with your keys, but you eventually manage to make it into your house. You watch his headlights slowly fade as he drives away then turn to head upstairs.
You almost scream at the sound of the unexpected voice. You lean over the railing slightly to see your father standing in the kitchen doorway eating something.
“Jesus dad, what?” You try to keep your tone light and as sober sounding as possible.
“Just want to tell you if you throw up you’re cleaning it before your mother gets up.” He replies plainly.
You try to think of something to say, but he shrugs before you get the chance.
“You don’t need to explain anything to me. I just don’t want your mother to have a heart attack tomorrow morning.” He spoons another mouthful of what looks like ice cream into his mouth and turns away.
“I love you, dad.” You smile.
“I love you too,” he pauses, “Now go the fuck to bed before you wake up your sister.”
Fuuuck bosses. Fuck inappropriate, immature bosses. Don’t touch or threaten your employees.
One day at work I was on the phone with a customer, and it was a complaint so I was really trying to listen to what the problem was. I’m not sure if my boss knew I was on the phone or not?? should’ve been obvious but idk, but he decided to start showing and telling me something on his phone anyway, some kind of carpentry that he did at the other location of this restaurant. I didn’t want to be rude and he seemed proud so I tried to listen to him too whilst trying to deal with this customer; a mistake because I couldn’t focus on either one of them. My boss I guess figured I wasn’t completely invested in w/e he was showing me so I guess he got mad/offended? Aaand he pinched me… he pinched me kinda hard for a few seconds on my arm and walked away…?? Yeah. And I think this is going to seem like a small thing to people, but no?? It’s the principle of the thing. First of all, I didn’t deserve that. One, I was on the fucking store phone. Two, pinching me just for not paying my full attention to something that had nothing to do with my work and was actually taking me away from my work?? Second of all, that is totally fucking inappropriate behavior??! You don’t fucking touch your employees, and you especially don’t do it to reprimand them PHYSICALLY!!! Especially for something that had nothing to do with the fucking job, what the fuck? I hope it’s not just me…what the fuck, right?
It may seem like “just a little pinch” to people still, but it also REALLY bothers and upsets me because I have a long history of being physically harmed by people for no good/justified (abuse and shit ya know). That has acually affected me mentally, so now whenever someone does physically harm me on purpose it really fucks me up mentally even if it’s something as small as a pinch. So this thing is like triply fucked up for me.
My boss even kind of threatened me (with pinching again, but it’s still physically threatening me) for saying I couldn’t do inventory for the whole store when I’m confined to only one space (I have a position and have to stay there, so how the fuck am I supposed to do shit in other parts of the store???). He thinks it’s no big deal, bc it’s just a pinch I guess, but you. don’t. do. that. to. your. employees???? I told him he won’t because that’s inappropriate workplace behavior and he said something basically like he breaks the rules anyway so…???. And I’m just like??? What the actual fuck??? It’s not just me, right? This is fundamentally fucked up right? Don’t touch your employees! Don’t physically reprimand your employees! Don’t threaten your employees! Don’t threaten your employees with physical harm!
For the cuddlefic prompt thingie: Dipper & Mabel, missing the Falls.
sure where Grunkle Stan had found the mattresses that lived in the attic of the
Mystery Shack. If he had to guess, he’d say probably a dumpster, or some pile
of discarded inventory when the mattress store downtown turned into a laser tag
place. They were covered in ominous stains which Mabel gave names and
personalities to and Dipper did his best to ignore, and seemed to be some
strange in-between size so that Stan didn’t have any sheets that actually fit
them. The springs in Mabel’s mattress were on their last legs and the ones in
Dipper’s had given up long ago. When he lay down he sank into an amorphous sea
of padding before landing on stiff boards. It had taken him three nights before
he was tired enough to get a full night’s sleep.
nights at the Mystery Shack, Dipper had lain awake thinking longingly of his
bed at home, so it was fundamentally unfair that now that he was home, with his own semi-firm
mattress and fitted sheets and the faint glow of streetlights outside, he
couldn’t sleep. He twisted the blankets around himself, doing his best to
recreate the stuffy little cocoon of softness he’d slept in all summer, but his
pillow was too hard and the mattress was too even and everything was just
yelped as a green sticky hand shot over the edge of the top bunk and stuck to
the side of his face.
peeled the stretchy hand off and sent it flying back. He heard a smack and a
squeak and then Mabel giggled. She dangled her upper body over the side of the
bed, the hand hanging off her forehead with its handle swinging back and forth
over Dipper’s head.
considered pointing out that if he had
been asleep, a surprise hand attack would definitely have ensured that he didn’t
stay that way, but instead he sighed. “Everything feels … weird.”
been having bad dreams, have you? If you do, me and Mr. Snugglesworth are on
it!” She tossed a large toy dragon down at her brother.
his head. “No, nothing like that. It’s just … different.”
grabbed onto the bedframe and flipped herself down onto Dipper’s bed. “Well, we
are older now,” she said. “And
taller. And cooler! So I guess it makes sense.”
“And we did
kind of help save the world,” Dipper admitted.
grinned and held up her hands for a double high-five. “Yeah! We’re the best!”
high-fives were one of the things most likely to wake their parents, so Dipper
tapped her outstretched palms gently with his knuckles and whispered, “Boom!”
like they used to before the summer. Grunkle Stan never really cared about how
much noise they made.
suitcases and clothes and craft supplies scattered across their room. Maybe it
would feel better once they put everything away. Right now, Dipper felt like .
. . like he was in one of those alternate universes Grunkle Ford had talked
about, one that was almost-but-not-quite the one he was used to. He missed that
terrible half-broken mattress. He missed burned box-mix pancakes. He missed the
darkness outside when he slept.
miss it,” he said out loud.
doofus!” Mabel smiled and hit him, affectionately, with a pillow. Dipper
laughed and pushed her away and she flopped backwards across the length of his
know …” he said, curling up against the headboard. “I’m starting to think .
. . maybe you were right. About growing up not being the greatest. We’re
supposed to be home, but I feel all … spread out and wobbly. And is it just
going to get more like this? I mean, with high school, and college, and
everyone we know splitting off to do their own thing? Who knows if we’ll even
be able to keep in touch with anyone, and—”
lassoed him with the corner of his quilt and pulled him over to where she was
lying, squeezing her arms around him until his eyes were watering and he had to
wriggle out of her hold so that he could breathe.
know,” Mabel said. “But you got me. And I’m preeeeeetty sure that if we stopped
talking to everyone back ho—back in Gravity Falls—they’d send out some kind of
lumberjack robot search party.”
The word she
hadn’t quite said stung, but Mabel ploughed ahead. “It’s like … we’ve
already got two homes, you know? And it’s sad because we can’t be in both of
them at once but it’s also happy because … we’ve got them. And we can all
have cool adventures and when we see each other again we’ll be even cooler!
Like those Monster-moon things you and Candy were talking about!”
snuggled deeper into the mattress. It still didn’t feel right, but lying on it
crookedly with Mabel’s weight behind him it felt … better.
of adventures will we have, though?” he said. “Eighth grade is nothing compared
to hunting for monsters in the Arctic! Or running a tourist trap in a town full
of actual anomalies! Or—”
worry, bro-bro,” said Mabel. Her voice was getting softer and he could feel her
head drooping into the blankets. “Anywhere the two of us are, there’s gonna be
adventures. I’m sure of it.”
[A/N] In real life, I’m close to this one pharmacist. He’s super sweet and before I forget, I have to immortalize him in my writings.
New experience tend to be exciting and nerve-wracking, all at the same time. A wise man once said, if it’s frightening and excites you all at the same time, it’s a good idea to go on with it.
Because it means, that you’re stepping out of your comfort zone. And stepping out of your comfort zone, means you are progressing in life. And progresses, results to a pass or a fail. Strength is not being able to pass all at once with little difficulty. Strength is to wear your failure as a badge and improve.
So back when I was 18 I worked in an “upscale”(the owners were desperate to have their chain appear cleancut and not at all seedy)pawnshop chain for about 4 to 5 months. I have lot of stories from my time there but lets start with my first customer.
My first month or so at the shop I was an inventory goblin. The store manager wanted to hire me but one of the bosses wanted me to have a probationary period. After my time reorganizing inventory, and cleaning and recleaning what must have been atleast a hundred copies of Madden(varying years) I was allowed to work on the sales floor at the jewelry counter(still in probationary). I had to be cleaning something, cataloging something, or helping someone cosntantly because there was always something. Lots of busy work.
We were slow so i was zipping around trying to get as much done as possible so i could focus when the customers started coming in.
The way the counter was set up if you were cleaning anything you had to have your back turned the the counter and the register area was in your periphery on your right. I had been turning around routinely to make sure i wasn’t accidentally ignoring anyone. Then out of no where i heard stage whispers to my left. Some of the guys at the register had my back and were gesturing behind me.
A man and his wife had come up and seemed to be looking intently but hadn’t asked for help. So i turned around and started to apologize and ask if they were looking for anything in particular. Apparently stuttering out of nervousness was the wrong thing to do.
Before i can finish this guy starts mocking me.
“Oh you’re sorry? Sorry, S-s-sorry?” His wife is looking at me sympathetically and trying to get her husband to be polite.
The wife tells me they are looking for a wedding band for him, yellow gold, something simple. He had lost his after he had put it aside to be repaired (they were probably early 50s so not unusual to lose or need a repair).
So i start showing them rings, trying to get a good idea of their price range etc. We had a store policy that if you were not the jewelry manager or a store manager you could only have one to two pieces of jewelry on the counter at a time when showing customers. It was to try and prevent theft. You could make the judgement call if it was a slow day (oh boy was it)to take take out a tray if needed but i was trying to avoid that since i was the only one at counter and everyone but our manager had gone on break at this point.
So at first im trying to show them rings one or two at a time and the husband gets frustrated with me because apparently indicating which band he wants to see instead of just saying “the yellow one” was too difficult.
His wife, gods bless her, was a peach but he just couldn’t be placated so i took the main tray of mens bands and put them on the counter.
This whole time im showing them rings, answering his wife’s questions about our layaway plan and other inventory. Her husband keeps grumbling about how its all too expensive especially for a pawn store.
Like dude the merchandise isn’t blood stained and jewelry doesn’t really deppriciate in value, for what it is, it is reasonably priced. Not to mention he was looking at some of the heaviest weighted solid yellow gold in the store so yeah its gonna be pricier than a gold plated band.
All i can really do is give him my lowest allowed price or ask if he’d like me to ask our jewelry manager(also the store manager) if she’d Be willing to go lower. Once inventory has been sitting a while, even jewelry, sometimes it would need repricing via the manager (on probation you are only allowed to price silver and watches)and this is typically the situation that would necessitate that.
So i ask them if they’d like my manager’s offer on several different rings.
Everytime his wife starts to say yes and he cuts her off and snaps at me about how i shouldn’t be assuming they can’t afford it.
I wanna say “Really? You are the one complaining about expense. I’m not assuming you can’t afford it, I am trying to find a piece you will like for a price you like based on your input.” But i just kept smiling.
After some more of this the husband seems to quiet down and grow some manners, at which point the wife goes off to look at our laptops, and ask the front about a camera.
I go to put back the main tray of mens bands and bring out the smaller tray, as the husband had asked to seek something else. Then he starts gesturing to me, flipping his hands. Im unsure as to what he wants, at this point he grabs my hand.
Im freaking out internally cause i don’t like to be touched but im doing the customer service grin and asking the husband if he likes my rings and wants to see our silver section.
This is where it gets good.
He keeps turning my hand over looking at my palm and the back, not actually speaking or inspecting my rings. Then he asks me:
“How do you get all these rings on and off when your fingers are so fucking fat?”
Now as i was probationary, i didn’t want to try to kick anyone out. It reflects poorly on you to be new and not able to handle problem customers.
So i looked him dead in the eyes and said “like this” and i slid all my rings on and off one by one.
Now one of the guys had come back on shift and he was heading toward me to ask a question when he heard this whole thing. Before he could intervene the husband grumbled swore at me and walked away, apparently unhappy that his tactics hadn’t made me cry. He made a beeline toward his wife and started to bug her about leaving the store. I made sure to tell him to have a great day loud and clear and i never saw the asshole again.
TLDR:worked in a pawnshop, my first customer was a rude dickbiscuit who mocked me when i stuttered, got mad when i tried to accommodate him, and got pissy when his crack about my weight didn’t phase me.
The Chatterskull, Inc store, located in Old Town, is under renovations after an explosion inside on Sunday evening. Reports from witnesses state the incident occurred when a grenade was lobbed into the interior of the store by a vigilante attacker.
An unconfirmed report made its way through the city of wanted criminals being spotted in Old Town. A vigilante group formed and began searching for the criminals. Passing the Chatterskull shop, one of the vigilantes thought they spotted one of the wanted individuals within the store and decided to get involved.
A scuffle ensued with injuries on both sides. As tempers rose, the guard was called to help calm the situation. However, before the guard could arrive, the fighting was ended with the lobbing of a grenade into the interior of the store. All occupants escaped the building before the explosion. The damage unfortunately was made worse by the igniting of gunpowder inventory within Chatterskull’s store.
The store will be under renovations until further notice.
A 1950’s era Universal Geneve Triple Date Calendar Moonphase. This timepiece features a patinated, silver dial with a German Language, day wheel, & a 17-jewel, caliber 291 movement. (Store Inventory # 10547, listed at $3500.)
okay hoes, take a seat because i’m about to rock your lil worlds.
okay, maybe not, but i worked in a big chain store (office depot) for over two years, and let me tell you - it it easy as hell to just fuck the entire store up.
first things first: every store is different. i worked in two different locations in two different cities, and there are major similarities and differences in each. SAME: cams on the ink and some tech. managers care more about ink more than their children. that shit is expensive as hell, and easy to lift depending on the policies in the store. if they are in the security boxes: you are out of luck my friend, unless you can get your hands on the spider or alpha key to unlock them. they are practically indestructible. my coworkers and i would throw them against the walls and they would just bounce. other than tech, cams throughout the store are bound to be few and far between, if there are any at all. seriously, find a blind spot and conceal in your purse, and you can get enough pens to last you until you graduate with your college degree. DIFFERENCES: obviously locations. it depends on the area that you’re in when you go inside, because it determines how you’ll dress and be viewed by the employees. watch your cams. they might not be just in tech. i’ve seen them in back corners and above the hallway to the restrooms before, but those aren’t common where i’m from. just be careful.
things that are easy to lift: pens. markers. sticky notes for days. phone cases that are not in security boxes, just pop those lil shits open and shove them in your pockets. phone chargers. desk accessories. if your bag is big enough, paper and notepads are a breeze. folders are a joke. do you even know how many pencil bags and things of lead for mechanical pencils i have? it’s insane. literally anything in the store that is not tagged or in a box, grab it.
things that are not so easy: i have mentioned before in a post or two the major things i’ve been able to lift.
Printers: easy as pie. literally just grab the thing, box and all, and walk out. these are not tagged. they are easy to boost. they are light, depending on the model you grab. let me tell you how it is the easiest thing you’ll ever do: you ever see those SAs with the mobile phone lookin’ things? those things are a dream. we use them to check inventory in our store, other stores, but the most important thing is that we use them to check customers out in other places in the store other than the registers. This is key. You need to make sure that one of the associates that you talked with has one of these, or you see them, otherwise this approach will not work. If the store associates don’t carry them, the second phase of this “whole lift and carry out” plan will not work.When you grab the printer, you can either put it in a cart and walk around for a bit or walk right on out if there’s nothing else you have to grab. If you are stopped, which is more than likely, shoot them a sincere, nice, genuine smile and tell them this: “Oh, (insert associate’s name here) checked me out already on that phone thing.” These are basically the magic words. We are lazy fuckers. We do not care about double-checking. The son of a bitch behind the counter will wave you out and say have a nice day. Honestly, this method is best used if you’re super confident and have been doing this for a while. I DO NOT RECOMMEND YOU TRYING THIS IF YOU ARE NEW TO LIFTING. PLEASE DO NOT EXPECT THIS TO GO OVER SMOOTHLY. Like I said before, every store is different. If you have a bad feeling, do not go through with it. This method works best in a crowded store, or during a rush for back to school. BACK TO SCHOOL IS ONE OF THE MOST STRESSFUL TIMES OF THE YEAR FOR US. IT IS STRAIGHT BLACK FRIDAY FOR THREE MONTHS. I HATED IT. IT STARTS IN JULY AND GOES THROUGH SEPTEMBER. But use that to your advantage. I haven’t paid for my school supplies in years. YEARS.
Desk Chairs: tbh, you can use the printer walk out method with these as well. just bring a cart back to the furniture pad with you, pick out a chair, and walk out with the same line.
Laptop: Okay, this is priceless. A lot of my friends asked me how I got it, but honestly it only works if you have a really, really good friend in the store. My coworker was really into lifting, and we talked about way to get a computer for each of us because our old ones were dying. Computers are held in the back of the store in a cage that is locked and only the managers have the keys.Not the tech guys you see walking around the floor, but the manager on duty.They are the most precious thing that the store has to protect, which is why only select people have access to them. We were a close knit family, my friend, my manager and I. My manager would leave us to close the doors when we closed, and lock everything up, since they were usually counting the money and didn’t want to be distracted. So we used that to our advantage. One night, I came in 5 minutes to close, my manager was already in the back counting the cash, and my friend was working the floor alone. It was a rare and beautiful thing. My friend borrowed the keys to “lock the side doors” and he ran to the cage in the back, unlocked it, grabbed the laptop I wanted, handed it off to me, walked me to the front, and locked the doors behind me. I was home free. It was honestly the biggest thrill of my life, but it’s helped me though homework and classes this semester, and I am so thankful. Now I have a 17″ beauty to blog on and it’s amazing.
INK IS ALWAYS TAGGED IN THE BOXES. THEY ADHERE TO THE SIDE OF THE INSIDE OF THE BOXES, AND WILL SET OFF THE ALARM. IF IT ISN’T IN A BOX, IT’S STILL TAGGED. These are usually off-brand or cheaper brands of inks, like Canon, and Epson. HP is always tagged and in a secure box, so those are lil bitches. For the cheaper ones, you can slip it into your purse, and walk out with a crowd or after a small purchase, and keep walking if/when it beeps.
LIKE I HAVE SAID BEFORE. THERE IS A MINUSCULE CHANCE YOU WILL BE CHASED. LIKE, SO SMALL YOU CAN’T EVEN SEE IT. CASHIERS ARE LAZY FUCKS, I KNOW BECAUSE I WAS ONE. IF YOU BEEP, KEEP WALKING OR LOOK CONFUSED AND GET WAVED OUT BY THE WORKERS.
HAPPY LIFTING BABES, AND IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, FEEL FREE TO ASK ON TIPS AND POLICIES FOR RETURNS AND SUCH. I am here at your disposal, use me how you like. Literally ask me anything.