- Remember no one is listening anyway - Pretend to be relaxed even if you’re not, sip from a drink while you talk, it will make you look relaxed - Closet cosplay an overly confident character and attempt to take on that persona - Have cringe attacks about all the words you tripped up on for the next two weeks.
I’m sick of certain kind of introverts.
There, I said it. I’m sick of them. And yes, I said it again.
Why? I don’t have the patience to deal with them.
They keep their thoughts private and only let out the surface (if they’re feeling generous) of what they’re thinking and when I deal with them on basis of what they present me, they whine about being misjudged. „You’re wrong! You don’t understand!”, they always proclaim, and I despise that phrase.
„I’m not wrong; you’re an ignorant Neanderthal.” is usually my reply but I wish I could come up with something more soul crushing.
I detest private people. Keeping your true self suppressed is not a virtue.It’s an insecurity. Whenever I come across someone very private, my first impulse is to conclude that this person has deep insecurities so even if she/he is valuable deep inside, that value will get marred by the insecurities nonetheless when I try to leverage it.
Hiding your cards doesn’t make them special, mysterious, or any more valuable, nor does putting all your cards on the table make them any less valuable. Just this simple demand I make of them and they manage to fuck up each and every time.
Oh wait, so I can understand you if I spend enough time with you, my dear introvert? I can really understand you if you get comfy with me? Well, guess what: Wake up, princess. I don’t have the time to do that. The world does not revolve around you. Communication and honesty are the main keys in maintaining a decent friendship, relationship, partnership, whatever.
Be all you are in what you are to me from the day one, or get crushed under the weight of condescension forever. It’s your choice.
I NEED TO BE ABLE TO SHUT DOWN!!! There are certain times throughout the day that I need to just walk off and be alone. If it’s an online chat then I need to be able to just sit in silence and not feel obligated to speak. If I don’t get to space out, then I start to lose my fucking mind! I get pissed off and bitchy because I want you to GO AWAY! It’s not personal or anything: I just don’t like being taken verbally hostage. It always ends with someone being mad at me cause I either: put a headphone in one ear and shift 80% of my attention to my music, or, if I’m online, I press the airplane mode button, tell them my router is fucking up, and disappear for a few hours. It’s not like you’re left with many options; if I don’t respond then the irritating questions and comments start:
“Are you mad at me?”
“You ok? What’s wrong?”
“I can tell you don’t care about the stuff I’m saying”
“Are you listening?”
Like “Yes, motherfucker! I am! I just don’t feel like speaking!” And I honestly shouldn’t have to. I have no problem with the silence.
Shut Up: The Power of Understanding what Introversion Actually is in a World of People Who Won’t Stop Using it as an Excuse
Since I’ve started tagging some posts as “shitty introverts” I decided to make this post to serve as a reference without being quite as sarcastic and salty as I have been, though I’m pretty sure I’ve already failed with that title. Will I change any minds? It’s doubtful, but if you ever want to know why I’m tearing into that introvertunites/introvert, dear post, you can look at this.
First, a brief definition of introversion in two different systems.
In MBTI: Introverts are people who have a dominant introverted function. Extroverts are people who have a dominant extroverted function. Ambiversion does not exist in the MBTI system - more on that later.
Outside of MBTI: Introverts are people who are energized more by time alone than by time spent with others. Extroverts are people who are energized more by time spent with other people than by time spent alone. Ambiverts are people who fall close to the middle.
In reality, everyone is somewhere along a spectrum (ie, we all need some alone time and some time with people), so arguably we’re all ambiverts, but it’s commonly used for people who find themselves needing a pretty even balance of the two.
Now, ambiversion still doesn’t exist within the MBTI system. If you want to call yourself an ANFP* or whatever, then you are making things up and that is not an MBTI type - it is a personal adaptation that uses some concepts from MBTI. Does this mean that MBTI doesn’t acknowledge that some people are non-MBTI ambiverts? No! It just means that MBTI theory uses the introvert and extrovert terms in a particular way, and doesn’t fully explain what social situations energize you, just like it doesn’t explain fully your favorite ice cream flavor or whether you like sports. It’s perfectly fine to say “I’m an ENFP, and I’m pretty ambiverted.”
Okay now that that’s out of the way, what does introversion, outside of MBTI, not mean?
It does not necessarily mean shyness, awkwardness, or lack of social skills. There’s probably a correlation, because people who prefer to spend most of their time alone have less of a vested interest in getting over shyness, awkwardness, or developing social skills, but there are awkward extroverts and socially adept introverts everywhere.
It does not mean misanthropy/hating people in general. I personally think hating people is not a particularly great way to be, as it means you’re closing yourself off to a whole lot of great experiences, and it definitely is going to be more common in introverts as it makes extroversion really hard, but if that’s your deal, fine. Just know that it’s not at all synonymous with introversion. Introversion means needing a good deal of alone time. It doesn’t mean that you hate the time spent with others, just that it’s going to require more energy.
It does not automatically make you smarter, kinder, more creative, or ‘deeper.’ Whatever psych studies may say, they’re going to be based on a subset, so even if introverts are, on average, smarter, it doesn’t mean you, arbitrary introvert, are smarter than an individual arbitrary extrovert. Another way to put it: more Americans have Olympic gold medals than Jamaicans, but I don’t have more gold medals than Usain Bolt. Use your alleged intelligence to learn and understand basic statistics.
Introversion, or for that matter shyness, awkwardness, or whatever do not excuse rudeness or flakiness, and nothing excuses expecting people to understand you without any explanation.
Look. I get that if you’re depressed, or have social anxiety**, you may say yes to a party invite only to find that when the party actually comes, you can’t bring yourself to make it or even to call. That’s okay. But it’s also okay for the host to be upset that you didn’t show up or let them know that you couldn’t come, and it falls to you, when you are up to the task, to explain why.
Is that hard as fuck to do? Yes. Is expecting other people to read your mind and know all the details of your life and mental health and accept all of your actions completely unfair to them? Also yes. Because here’s the thing: you can’t control other people’s reactions, and it’s ridiculous to think you can.
Which brings us to the shitty introvert. The shitty introvert does the following:
Assumes they are in some way better than extroverts - smarter, more creative, better listeners - and may believe that because they let so few people into their lives, including someone is an honor in itself.
Assumes that having emotional responses is unique to them - that no one else dislikes public humiliation or unpleasant surprises.
Either complains that they’re getting dragged to parties, or complains that they’re no longer getting invitations to the parties that they repeatedly turned down, as if the host has nothing better to do than send you an invite they know you’ll refuse***.
Is rude to others and blames it on being introverted instead of considering that other people also have feelings and either putting in enough effort to maintain civility, or apologizing and taking full responsibility of their actions.
Expects to be understood and accommodated automatically without any explanation, and generally does not put in effort to understand or accommodate others.
Sees introversion as an excuse to never try to improve or challenge themselves. If something is hard for them, they will just give up or avoid it.
In summary, they insist they are more considerate, feeling, and creative while being rude, selfish, and stagnant.
Don’t be a shitty introvert.
*For some reason the example fake MBTI type with Ambiverted is always ANFP. I suspect it’s because Ne both is associated with being towards the middle of the itnrovert/extrovert spectrum and with being like “what if we didn’t follow the rules,” and Fi is associated with “your labels cannot contain me” but that is another post for another day.
**Social anxiety and depression are mental illnesses, and I’m not going to go into them or other mental health issues in this post in more depth, but please note that they are not tied to introversion. Will they often make people withdraw from social situations? Yes. That is a symptom of the illness, not an indicator of extroversion or introversion.
***”I want to be invited, I just don’t want to go!” shitty introverts cry, as if the hosts of the parties are not also human beings with needs and emotions. “Oh, yeah, sorry” the hosts are apparently supposed to tell the person they actually want to invite who would show up and bring a decent bottle of wine, “I’d love to invite you but I have a tiny apartment, so I can’t invite any more than 15 people, and I need to reserve a spot for my friend who not RSVP, ignore my calls, and will most likely either text me with some lame excuse an hour after the party started, or just completely flake. But you see their desires are more important than yours or mine.” Honestly what the host should do is just queue up a few automated invites to nonexistent parties, and on the off chance the shitty introvert does indeed show up without RSVP-ing to one of them, the host should just be like “Oh sorry, I know I said I’d have a party but I’m just not feeling it tonight.” GOLDEN RULE IN ACTION MOTHERFUCKERS.
People say that just because you hate/dislike/get annoyed by people, it doesn’t make you an introvert. To be honest, I think my dislike of a lot of people is a byproduct of me being an introvert. If people didn’t try to force their opinions on how I should act or think so much, maybe I would be more inclined towards them. I’m not “boring” or “lame” or “a buzzkill” because I don’t want to party, hang out with a group of strangers, or constantly be doing something or talking about small talk like the weather or sports. I prefer to spend time on my own or with close friends, to sit in my own and just think about random, interesting, introspective things, to recharge and relax. That’s what being an introvert requires sometimes. I shouldn’t have to explain myself just as extroverts aren’t constantly required to explain themselves. Having to explain these ideas to people is tiring and having them attack me with annoying and rude labels because I’m not exactly like them is irritating and it has left a bad impressive on me. I try to stay open minded but sometimes… I don’t know. This turned into more of a rant than I meant it to be but I hope my point comes across well.
infp issue #66
saw this on snapchat today and kinda upset about it. i know i complain about being an introvert who can’t socialize all the time but that doesn’t mean i suck the life out of things or hate people. i love hanging out with my friends. i love having parties where i can see my friends and family. i love being involved at school and doing things i enjoy. sure, we are hard to reach in the beginning but there is nothing wrong with being an introvert and being comfortable with a select group of people.
How come whenever i see a post on Sagittarians it’s always like “these ppl are super chill and they love partying like thats all they do is have fun” like we’re people too and sometimes i like to sit and listen to the wind and go to bed at 9:30 and have like 2 close friends and be comfortable doing nothing
like can y'all stop making Sagittarians so 2-dimensional im so tired
i feel like i’m the least practical person on this earth. i know this might be because i’m intuitive but… i feel like even my intuitive friends are way more concerned about what’s happening in real life and how to do things practically and i couldn’t give less fucks. and if you need any help to construct anything in the real world just don’t ask me
Yes. I understand I came home and went straight to my room. No. I am not going join you and your friends for dinner because I’m tired and want to be left alone. It’s nothing against you. I have a job where I talk to people all day and sometimes I don’t want to be around people after doing that.
So don’t look at me like I’m crazy when I decline your invitation to dinner. 😒
In regards to the introvert rant about the pharmacy line, I hate that strangers think that it’s ok for them to randomly touch you as long as it’s not an explicitly inappropriate area. Strangers use to randomly grab my long hair without my knowledge that they were there and I would have a split panic attack thinking I was being abducted or something. It usually ended up being some middle aged lady that was in awe of how long my hair was. Like first you touch me without my permission and then you drag me into a conversation, not cool.
Like most introverts I grew up in a social structure that prized extroverts.
In school I was told to speak up because putting up my hand was not loud enough.
My friends were few and close, making me, well, apparently not so popular.
I’d rather spend time on my own which made my mum worry something was wrong.
All my childhood and teenage years I battled with this constant feeling of never being extroverted enough. At that time I had no name on what they wanted of me or what I was, all I knew was that I was not wanted.
I could never get my voice heard on anything else than paper, I had to be on stage to be seen, and I lost friends as soon as I made them because I did not understand why they constantly wanted to hang out; this never ending need of contact.
I started feeling guilty when I made excuses to not be with friends and ashamed when they leaned closer and said ‘Speak louder, I cannot hear’.
The pressure brought me down and caused enormous self-criticism.
And in the end panic disorder.
Do not get me wrong. I had support.
My mum always valued me. She tells me today that she wishes she had acted on my feelings differently, but I will always tell her she did nothing wrong. This thing about introverts and extroverts were not in full swing back then, and she lived in an extroverted society, how could she know? And I’m pretty fond of my current me so thank you mum.
I had teachers too, who recognised that my silence was not shyness, but care and consideration. They gave me the tools to better myself and to grow intellectually.
And I had friends, who somehow managed to latch on to me. Wonderful friends who I will always cherish.
But, it is awful feeling this way. Like you are not enough.
And that is how I felt my whole childhood and teen.
Then I stumbled on this thing called ‘Introvert’ and found a description of myself. I understood myself and I could turn to my doubters saying ‘Look this is me, how I am, deal with it’.
And since I’ve grown stronger, more confident, and prettier.
I don’t care for being loud.
I don’t care for parties, clubs, and other places with lots of strangers you can’t even speak to.
I don’t care for lots of friends.
I do care for conversations.
For tea time and picknicks.
For the friends I’ve made and kept.
And today I didn’t feel guilt when I left my friends at the loud pub. Instead I felt relief when I turned to them and said: “I’m going home.”
How do I explain it to you? Yes they can. I’ll try to explain it to you simply.
Extroverts are people that gain energy from social interaction. They become more active around other people. You feel more awake and energized.
Social Anxiety is characterized by emotional distress or uneasiness about social interaction. It can be extreme self-consciousness or weariness about being judged, watched, or criticized.
The two things are not mutually exclusive. It is possible to gain energy from being around other people and still be anxious about actually interacting with them.
This website has bastardized what extroversion is and tend to abuse extroverts for just being extroverts. They believe they can’t be anxious, they can never feel awkward, they are always happy and can never have any emotions negative emotions or feelings, and they can never have any deep thoughts because of any of this. They can never understand how introverted people feel and, extending from that, they don’t know how to leave introvert people alone.
It is extremely damaging to any extroverted person. After coming on this website, it actually took me a while to feel okay with myself because of how introverted people are made out to be special people. They are the only ones who can experience mental illness and the only way to experience it is the introverted way. I felt like maybe how I was feeling was wrong and I didn’t even tell anybody about it because I worried about being laughed at and told that was impossible (which did in fact happen).
This really needs to stop because I don’t want any other extroverted person with any mental illness to have to feel that way. They are people, too.
I live entirely in my own world, I’m always alone and I do everything by myself. Most of the time it’s okay because I’m an introvert anyway, but sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on something. I dream of fun road trips with friends that I don’t have, I long for some crazy and fun experiences or just cozy movie nights with someone nice. Usually I don’t get anything from relationships; they feel boring, tiring and meaningless. I (almost) never connect with anyone. I have only two friends: one of them lives far away so we don’t meet often and the other friend is always busy or “busy”. I don’t know how to make new friends or how to maintain friendships. And every time I have tried to get to know someone I have been rejected. Everyone’s always so fucking “busy”. Most of the time I’m perfectly fine with my solitude, but deep down I feel bitter, lonely and rejected. And I wonder if that will ever change.