Musicals as types of people in school
  • Phantom of the opera: The emo kid with short hair that's always in every singe musical the school puts on
  • Cats: The kid that knows that everybody hates them but they still fight to pursue their dreams/the kid that nobody knows is an acrobat
  • Sweeney Todd: The goth kid who hisses as people in the hallways and only hangs out with like two other people and keeps a diary
  • Heathers: The really popular and preppy girl who's secretly really sad about everything
  • Spring awakening: The kid who makes waaay to many sexual jokes and lost their virginity before everyone else
  • A chorus line: The kid who's never available to do anything because they're at rehearsal
  • Wicked: That one kid that was always ignored in school but grew up to be extremely famous
  • Into the woods: the kid with an unnaturally morbid sense of humor
  • Les Misérables: The kid who's way to into politics and starts fights just about every day
how to spot a theatre kid

- knows too much about first treasury secretary alexander hamilton, bank robbers bonnie and clyde and the newsboys strike of 1899

- grocery shopping list consists of ‘the cow as white as milk, the cape as red as blood, the hair as yellow as corn, the slipper as pure as gold’

- when introduced to someone new, sings:

 - and i’m jAVERT

 - alexander hamilton, my name is alexander hamilton

 - veronica sawyer. i crave a boon

- laughs at anyone who says disney isn’t realistic because nobody randomly breaks out into song

- favourite rappers are the cast of hamilton and the witch from into the woods

- when walking in the rain, will start singing on my own from les miserables

- panics when the cast list is about to be posted

- blood is 90% throat coat

- constantly losing bobby pins

- has no sense of privacy because have you ever had to do a quick change

Best Out-of-Context Lines From Musicals

- “Sit down John, you fat motherfucker!”

- “Screw the middle classes, I will never accept them!”

- “Consider yourself part of the furniture.”

- “Now shut your face.”

- “Henry can’t really stay; he’s got rabies.”

- “I love you even though it does not matter that I still don’t know your name.”

- “The internet is not for porn!”

- “Miss America should just resign!”

- “No one keeps a cow for a friend!”

- “Lot 666 then.”

- “Nothing can bend the will like half-Castilian men!”

- “Sometimes my father appeared to enjoy having children.”

Some Musicals as Clickbait Titles
  • Hamilton: He didn't throw away his shot- until he did!
  • Phantom: "The strange affair of the Phantom of the Opera, a mystery never fully explained."
  • Assassins: The strangest JFK assassination conspiracy yet!
  • The Drowsy Chaperone: This man listened to musicals so much that he hallucinated he was in one!
  • Heathers: This Teen Murdered Three of Her Classmates- Find Out What Went Wrong!
  • Les Mis: We heard this story about an obscure French rebellion- and we are LITERALLY SOBBING :'(
  • Into the Woods: You'll never look at fairy-tales the same way again!
  • The Sound of Music: New evidence has uncovered what upper-class Austrians did in light of Anschluss, and you'll never guess what it was!
  • Sweeney Todd: "Demon Barber": One Man's Journey of Revenge, Murder, and a Meat Grinder.
  • Waitress: You go, girl! This woman's journey is the most inspirational thing you'll see all year.
theatre songs that could resurrect me

• the bitch of living

• ring of keys

• blackout

• schuyler sisters

• la vie boheme

• bad idea

• defying gravity

• tomorrow is a latter day

• king of new york

• this world will remember us

• no one else

• one day more

• into the woods prologue

• all that jazz

• gimme gimme

• naughty

Renamed Musicals
  • • Les Miserables: Breadsticks Meme Gone Wrong ft. The Only Cop in France.
  • • Miss Saigon: Americans Fuck Shit Up, the musical!
  • • Legally Blonde: This is Harvard, not a Stripper Bar.
  • • Wicked: Misunderstood Green Girl and Sparkly Witch Hide Lesbian Feelings
  • • Little Women: That Story Where All the Girls Fall in Love
  • • Book of Mormon: Spooky Mormon Hell and Crude Gay Humor Clash w/ Sparkly Tuxedoes.
  • • Shrek: Don’t Judge a Book By It’s Cover; Another Show About Diversity.
  • • The Last Five Years: How Not to Adult: A Manual
  • • Joseph and the blah, blah, blah: Fifty Shades of Bible Humor
  • • Suessical: Always Trust that Weird Voice you Hear PS Elephants Can’t Fly
  • • Songs for a New World: I’m Sure There’s a Story Here Somewhere…
  • • Thirteen: Puberty Sucks Plus Jewish Jokes and Weird Sexual Tension
  • • Matilda: We’ll Fight Like Twenty Armies and We Won’t Give up ft. Miss Honey’s Self Esteem Issues.
  • • Spring Awakening: Why Sex Ed Matters, the musical!
  • • Next to Normal: The Story of a Sexy Ghost
  • • Avenue Q: Horney Puppets Use the Internet for Porn and Then Build a School For Monsters.
  • • Children of Eden: Bible fanfiction.
  • • The Drowsy Chaperone: Hallucinations of a Man in a Chair
  • • Violet: Sutton Foster and a Sob Story ft. Indecipherable Accents
  • • Anything Goes: Into the Woods, Except on a Ship
  • • How to Succeed: A Dummies Guide to Making an Ass Out of
  • Yourself
  • • Once on this Island: Why Gods Should Not Interfere With Humans
  • • Into the Woods: Fairytale AU on Crack
  • • Fun Home; Gay Tears, the musical!
  • • In the Heights: Everybody has Issues in the Barrio.
  • • Chess: East West Relations Under Different Masks and Various Plots
  • • RENT: Diversity, Death, and Drugs.
  • • Annie: My Life Sucks: By Me.
  • • Sweeny Todd: Revenge Means Killing Everybody
  • • Young Frankenstein: It Runs in the Family.
musical ratings based on if children swear
  • falsettos: great at first, but slows down a lot. 7/10
  • annie: terrible. so many children, so few swears. 0/10
  • into the woods: none, but if it was made now im certain little red would drop an f-bomb. 1/10
  • music man: not even trying. 0/10
  • fun home: idt there are any? 0/10
  • billy elliot: incredible. set the standard. if u like children swearing this is the show for u. 11/10
  • spring awakening: theyre not child actors, but gosh do they swear a lot. 2/10
  • matilda: they say hell a couple times. 5/10
  • spelling bee: again, not child actors. if "erection" is a swear, 3/10, if not, 0/10
  • a christmas story: no full on swears, but quite a few near swears, so its alright. 2/10
  • school of rock: very good. bonus for talking abt hating the man, minus for being a not great show. 8/10
  • sound of music: can u imagine if one of those kids started swearing thatd be hilarious. 0/10

Do you know how Broadway Stars are always like “I grew up listening to Into the woods and West side story” “I was obsessed with Patti Lupone” “Bernadette Peters was my idol” “My parents will always put Les mis in the car”

Well, in a few years, Broadway stars will say things like “I grew up listening to Hamilton and Spring Awakening” “I was obsessed with Jonathan Groff and Aaron Tveit” “Idina Menzel and Laura Benanti were my idols” “My parents will always put Hairspray in the car”

We are the new generation, the girl who sits next to you in choir could become the main character in the next Broadway hit, that boy who does really nice covers on Youtube may be the next tony winner. Hell, the person reading this can become the next Broadway stars and inspiration for thousands of children from all over the world. 

Have you ever actually thought about this?

the signs as musical theatre quotes
  • Aries: I am flame and I am fire
  • I am destruction, decay, and desire (Next to Normal)
  • Taurus: Look, I find some of what you teach suspect, because I'm used to relying on intellect, but I try to open up to what I don't know (Rent)
  • Gemini: Must it all be either less or more, either plain or grand? Is it always "or"? Is it never "and"? (Into the Woods)
  • Cancer: A dream is a soft place to land (Waitress)
  • Leo: I don't come cheap but the kisses come free ;) (Hairspray)
  • Virgo: No other road, no other way, no day but today (Rent)
  • Libra: Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise (Les Miserables)
  • Scorpio: Oh, you're gonna be wounded. Oh, I'm gonna be your wound. (Spring Awakening)
  • Sagittarius: When your feet don't touch the earth, you can't feel the fates that hurt. And you're free, there's no need, to come down. (Finding Neverland)
  • Capricorn: I don't want to fight, but I won't apologize for doing what's right (Hamilton)
  • Aquarius: If you want me, satisfy me (Once)
  • Pisces: Don't you carry nothing that might be a load, come on and ease on down the road (The Wiz)