highlights from my three years working at panera

  • customer pooping on the floor
  • pulling a stag beetle out of an old woman’s hair
  • two employees started dating and had a blow-out fight in the parking lot before work at least once a week
  • employee cutting her finger practically off because she jammed her arm in the bagel slicer
  • catering coordinator fucking the GM in the basement
  • man claiming he didn’t have a panera card because a friend stole all his rewards cards while he was in a coma for a year
  • the turkish opera singer who worked in the kitchen for a summer
  • disheveled man offering “voodoo therapy” in the dining room to guests as they walk in
  • tiny dominican lesbian stole the girlfriends of two different male employees