The newest member of my student pathfinder group just rolled his first critical failure today. He was looking for a book about celestial beings, so I had him roll a Knowledge Religion check. I told him he found a decent looking book entitled “On Various Angels”. As soon as he got out of town, I informed him that the book he bought was actually called “On Various Angles” and was all about geometry.
He was pretty upset, so I explained to him that failure is occasionally a part of the game and that everyone has to deal with it. Then I had the other players tell him about their most memorable crit fails, and this is what they each said:
Barbarian: I once failed an Intimidate Check. Instead of shouting “I AM THE BADDEST BARBARIAN” I shouted “I AM THE BIGGEST BABY!”
Druid: I failed a Perception check so badly that I accidentally walked face first into the barbarian’s armpit and passed out from the smell.
Fighter: I once shot myself in the foot. With a poisoned arrow.
Rogue: I once fell in love with an illusion that was made by an Aboleth.
Sorcerer: I was on guard duty and got so distracted I accidentally burned myself. And then we were attacked by wolves. (Important Context: The sorcerer is naturally fire resistant, so this one was almost impressive).
Wizard: There’s a reason I just got a new familiar.