internets down

I am delighted to find out that there’s a new quality meme in Russia, the Wizard “Fwoosh” Cat, fwoosh [вжух] being the sound effect for the magic wand waving. 

The Fwoosh Cat can do great magic in your every-day life, good and bad all at the same time.

“Fwoosh, you’ve got insomnia”

“Fwoosh, you’re adopted”

“Fwoosh, and money is gone”

“Fwoosh, you’re expelled” next to a list of expelled pupils in a university

“Fwoosh, black ice”

Obligatory money fwoosh

“Cannot fwoosh on this page”

“Fwoosh, and you can fwoosh on this page”

“If you see this image, then it’s your lucky day. You’ve been visited by The Great Wizard Cat, the wisest of all wizard cats of the wizard cat school. A curse was laid on you, and it will turn your life into a nightmare. Only the wizard cat can lift the curse and once again make your life wonderful and full of magic”

Magical

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Page 6!

Well done, Keith… you actually did it.

Are y’all ready to get back to your boi Lance??! (And meet the last of the paladins?)

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Another thing I’m salty as fuck about re: youtube 

Youtubers as a collective will go ON AND ON about how this is their job and they make money doing it, and how they deserve respect (they do). But then the second any group begins to hold them to the same standards we would hold a professional in any other job, suddenly they’re screeching about how “GOSH IT’S JUST VIDEOS ON THE INTERNET CALM DOWN Y’ALL.” 

You can have it one way or the other. Either your profession deserves respect or you’re a bunch of yahoos on the internet and should be treated and derided as such. You can’t be serious professionals when you want respect and then helpless nobodies when the tides turn against you. Use some of that ad revenue on a PR guy if you’re that nervous about your inability to keep your mouth shut and not make racism the butt of your jokes. 

Like, I’ve got fucking two thousand readers and I treat my writing/business account with more seriousness than people who have three to sixteen million viewers. I make a tiny fraction of what they do and I treat my position with more dignity and my supporters and fans with more respect. 

If you’re going to be a celebrity, realize what that fucking means and be a fucking adult when people treat you like the actual celebrities with actual reach and influence that you are. And if this is going to be something you get paid for? That makes it a job. And I guarantee that if someone brings your manager at McDonalds a video of you shouting racial slurs at a customer? Your ass would be fired there, too. 

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[Rumi] is this alien who always looks like he’s going to the opera, but never gets there. And he knows that as soon as he turns up to the opera, even if he has on a top hat and looks like a million bucks, it doesn’t matter, that he’s still gonna terrify everyone there. And that they’ll kill him.
You’re a fucking genius.
What?