internet dates

2

Hackers just helped NASA save a treasure trove of climate data from an uncertain future

  • Roughly 200 programmers congregated Saturday in the Doe Library at the University of California, Berkeley, to take part in a hackathon focusing on NASA’s earth sciences programs and the Department of Energy.
  • Wired reported the group of coders had the common goal of saving data that could be deleted or otherwise tucked away under Trump.
  • Using web-crawler scripts and patching together data sets, the hackers were able to successfully preserve 8,404 web pages onto the Internet Archive — a digital library with a plethora of screenshots from websites — and download 25GB of data from 101 public datasets. Read more (2/14/17 3:06 PM)

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philosophy-and-coffee  asked:

The question you asked about the Garlfied post: I would read the SHIT out of a story about a starving artist making a deal with an eldritch horror from beyond and accidently ending up getting some otherworldly dick.

okay so here is my pitch

it would be called Lionel James Wants To Be Famous

leo is a young man who, as the title suggests, would really like to be famous. and he has a lot of ideas about how he could like to be famous. but unfortunately for leo, he has approximately no talent, and not even in an interesting wiseau kind of a way.

he tried making a webcomic, which went approximately nowhere. he tried making flash animations, back when that was a thing. he returned to the well of webcomics. he tried stand-up. he tried self-publishing young adult novels. he made two episodes of a podcast. his latest venture has been an attempt to make it as a famous youtuber.

but he fucking sucks. not even in the fun way that some people suck. if he went viral for being shitty, he would be ecstatic. he would sell t-shirts celebrating his own humiliation. there is just nothing even remotely interesting about leo. there is not a creative bone in his body. he has no vision or drive. he is the guy who thinks he’s funny because he’s really good at repeating stand-up routines he saw on comedy central. he’s just. he’s not great.

so he does what any young man with minimal ambition that exceeds his even more minimal talent would do, and he summons a demon. which takes the form of a cat. a very round and fluffy black cat, with red eyes.

he names it taft.

taft the cat is a photogenic cheese-loving internet sensation. leo monetizes everything. there are shirts. there are ad-covered videos. taft gets their own comic book. sponsorships. leo gets to go on talk shows with his ridiculous fat cat from hell.

here is the thing about taft: they have been doing this for a long time. artists are easy marks. they’ve never taken the form of a lolcat before, but generally, acting as a muse is a quick way to get a soul. because sooner than later, an artist will realize how unfulfilling it is, how much it sucks to know that all their success is actually because of their demon muse, etc etc.

obviously getting artists to kill themselves due to lack of creative fulfillment isn’t exactly nice, but, demon.

leo, however, fucking loves this arrangement. because leo is not an artist. he just wants to be treated like one. and with dawning horror, this hideous shadowterror comes to realize that they are going to be stuck with this asshole for a really long time. and no matter what they do to try to make leo uncomfortable, or renege on the deal… it never works. he just rolls with it.

taft must now try to find a way to make living with an obnoxious manchild into something tolerable, and so far their plan is 90% ‘annoy the everliving shit out of him’ with a 10% side of ‘well, at least he’s not bad-looking’.

Everyday Witchcraft: Burt's Bees Glamours and Affirmations

So I really like Burt’s Bees Chapstick.
And I use a lot of it.
My favorite one is the honey infused, which is fitting because of being an Aphrodite devotee and all, but I’ve developed this ritual when I apply my lip balm where I put it on, breathe in the scent, and then say “I speak sweetly. People listen and believe me.” This inspired me to come up with little mini spells for more of the scents, so here you go. Burt’s Bees’ spells on the go. Enjoy. :)

Honey: Use as a glamour to make you seem sweet and cute as a button as well as charming them with your speech. Useful when avoiding persecution or hiding your true intentions of world domination. 

Affirmation: I speak sweetly. People listen and believe me.

Wild Cherry: If you’re looking for a classy seductress vibe, wild cherry is your gal. Maybe blow some kisses at yourself in the mirror or lick your lips to lock in the feeling and get yourself in the flirting mood. 

Affirmation: I am fair and enchanting, my kiss makes people melt.

Pink Grapefruit: Use for cleansing and purifying yourself of an argument. Having a hard time keeping peace with your relatives about politics at the thanksgiving table when it would be better to stay quiet? Try this baby. 

Affirmation: I wash myself of this conflict. I am free from negativity.

Strawberry: Strawberry is associated with innocent love and wealth. The many fruits on the vine represent fertility as well, meaning strawberry is the perfect fruit for bringing overall success into your life and keeping it there. 

Affirmation: I have abundance. All I say and do brings me success and love.

Coconut Pear: Coconut represents absolute purity. In WWI some soldiers were given transfusions of coconut water when donor blood was low because it is sterile. Pears are a key love element, so if you’re wanting to attract real love, from people with good intentions (perhaps weeding out the creeps when internet dating) then this one’s for you. 

Affirmation: I am bathed in affection by those with pure intentions.

Raspberry: Raspberry represents health, fertility, communication and love. Use to facilitate healthy relationships and help you to maintain physical health along with a healthy lifestyle. If you can feel yourself getting stress sickness, use an affirmation like this to turn it around. 

Affirmation: My relationships and my body are healthy. I am free of pain.

Pineapple: Use for attracting wealth and success into your life. Pineapple is the fruit of the traveler, gifted to show hospitality and status. It’s rich inside can hardly be seen as anything but gold in fruit form. You can use this affirmation as a way to both convey status you may not yet have, as well as attract it. 

Affirmation: My voice is filled with opulence. Wealth is headed my way.

Mango: Mango is heavily associated with Buddha and enlightenment. Use this to bring focus back to your spiritual journey, and to help others on their own. 

Affirmation: I am free and enlightened. My words have the power of knowledge.

Blueberry: Use this for protection. Strong protection. Blueberry keeps danger away, confuses and causes distress to enemies who push the boundary. A word unleashed to your enemies under this protection will cause them distress and make them want to leave you alone. 

Affirmation: I am untouchable. I needn’t speak to intimidate my enemy.

Pomegranate: Use this one before doing divination to heighten psychic energy and help with seeing beyond the veil if that’s your thing. Pomegranates have significance in many religions as being highly spiritual and associated with heaven or the underworld. As a glamour, this could also help with giving off “I am a mysterious and powerful witch” vibes, so if you’re doing witchcraft work for non witchy people, such as divination, this could help set the mood. 

Affirmation: I am powerful with the energies of life and death. When divining I speak the truth.

Vanilla Bean: This is the big whammy of love spell ingredients. If you’re going out and just wanna find someone RIGHT NOW then vanilla is the powerful punch you’re looking for. The silky scent combined with charmed speech is a powerful seduction tool. It also makes you feel very confident and sexy on your own, so that’s great too. 

Affirmation: *blow a kiss* I seduce with the force of a sorceress.

anonymous asked:

Loving the text messages!! Keep up the good work! Also if you don't mind could you describe darks and antis personalities according to you?

Absolutely!!! Beware though, I’m about to wax poetic because I LOVE these two characters. I’m sorry that this post is so long but I’m NOT putting it under a cut because I worked on this for over a fucking hour instead of writing my history paper and I want at least one person to actually read it. :P

I’m gonna go a little in depth with what I believe is their canon personalities according to my interpretation and then how I incorporate those interpretations into Texts From Dark And Anti. Some of you may be surprised to find that I actually heavily take their canonical personalities into account when I make my edits; it’s not all just dick jokes and memes for the sake of notes. Texts From Dark And Anti is my love letter to these two characters, and I’ve gone to great lengths to portray them in the best way possible.

But enough babbling. Let’s start with Dark.

CANON PERSONALITY: Master Manipulator and Sexual Predator

Originally posted by markimemey

Per Mark, Dark is a master manipulator. He’s a snake in the grass, ready to tell you anything and everything you need to hear in order to get what he wants from you.

I’d argue that this often works for him. Obviously he’s a very good actor if he’s able to mimic Mark perfectly in the “Chocolate” ending, so that makes me think that he’s able to assume whatever personality and/or extend whatever favors he needs to to trick his victims into abiding by him.

But it’s also worth mentioning that Dark’s biggest weakness (arguably) is his jealousy. As Mark said, Dark’s extremely jealous of Mark, and he wants everything that Mark has: wealth, fame, success, and devoted fans. I’d be willing to believe that that last thing is what rubs Dark wrong the most.

Evidence? Mark’s fans are exactly what he goes after. Wanna know what’s freakier? IT FUCKING WORKED.

Mark took all of his fans out on a date. All of us adored him for it. Dark got jealous of this, so he infiltrated the date and tried to get us to support him instead. And when Tyler Mark showed up to fight him, Dark didn’t kill him himself. He manipulated us into doing it for him.

And what brings this home is that Dark has had the longest lasting potential out of anything to come out of this video. All of the other memes and references have lost their luster by now, but the resurgence of Dark-related fan art, ask/rp blogs, edits, and memes are still going strong. Dark infiltrated our date and convinced us to love him and worship him the same way that we do Mark, and we fucking fell for it.

So why does he do this? Is it just because he’s a jealous prick? Partially, but I think that, canonically, there’s more to it. I think it’s because he thrives on his ability to hold power over people, which is comparable to–get ready for it–sexual predators.

Dark exhibits a lot of the traits we normally attribute to these criminals. He’s attractive, charismatic, extremely manipulative, and sadistic. He says things like, “I can give you anything,” and, “If it’s dinner you want, I can provide.” Provide is an interesting word choice here, because that’s what society has dictated the man in a relationship should do. He even acts seductive: arching his neck, eye-fucking the camera, and he even blows us a kiss (see below). But the way that he grabs and shakes us periodically throughout his mental breakdown betrays his inner sadism and anger issues, also common among sexual predators. I absolutely think that based on Dark’s behavior and what we know about him, he’s totally down to fuck anyone and everyone in order to get what he wants–consensual or otherwise. And I definitely think he’ll enjoy it.

Originally posted by mirrorthehorse

I wouldn’t necessarily say that Dark is a nymphomaniac. As an otherworldly being, it’s entirely possible he doesn’t even have a sex drive. But sexual predators don’t usually rape their victims just to get their dicks wet. Usually, it’s a power issue; they want to feel like they have mastery over something, and that they are dominant and in control. Given Dark’s obsession with taking all of Mark’s glory away from him, coupled with his violent mood swings and sadism, I would say that sexual assault is probably just one of the many ways he appeases his insatiable appetite for power and manipulation. And I’d even bet that it’s one of his go-to’s.

In Texts From Dark And Anti, I normally portray Dark as a bitter old demon who doesn’t understand memes and doesn’t want to put up with anybody’s shit. But I didn’t just do this for fun; I did it because I could see Dark being jaded in real life. Off-camera, when he’s not trying to seduce us into adoring him over Mark, I could see him being sick of being overlooked. He’s old, even by Mark’s channel’s standards, and up until “A Date With Markiplier”, he wasn’t mainstream in the fandom at all–not fun for someone who craves the adoration of others. So he’d definitely be off-put by Anti’s much younger, more erratic personality, and in a bad mood he’d bitch at him for it. But in a good mood, he’d use it to his advantage to get whatever he wants–sex, souls, and anything else his blackened heart desires, both for the reward and the thrill of not having to do it himself.

Now let’s talk about Anti.

CANON PERSONALITY: Chaotic Psychopath

Originally posted by treblegirl

Jack has been near-silent on his personal interpretation of Anti (although he’s stated that he definitely has a personal canon that he refuses to share, the little fucker), so all of this is going to come from speculation and what we see onscreen.

While Dark chose to make his debut in one long, continuous, elegant appearance, Anti showed up randomly throughout the month of October, with no prelude and no explanation as to why he was there. Also in contrast to Dark’s smooth, charismatic personality, Anti is visibly unstable, jittery, and psychotic. Both he and Dark exhibit bloodlust, but Anti doesn’t hide it. He doesn’t hold back any of his sociopathic tendencies, going so far as to murder his host on camera for the world to see.

We don’t exactly know what Anti’s agenda is, but that’s just it: I don’t think he has one. At least, not one beyond the psychotic urge to kill as much and as many people as he can. Even in “Say Goodbye”, all he does is laugh at/condemn the viewer for not warning Jack and saving him. The other times he was on camera in October, he was glitchy, with several different appearances (fangs, gauges, blood, etc.) and contorted, unsettling body movements, making me think that Anti is a supernatural being that thrives on chaos and bloodshed.

But  Anti doesn’t just want to cause havoc–he wants to cause havoc and get the credit he deserves for it. That’s why he showed up so much on camera without Jack noticing; he was there for us, not him. Then he made a big deal about us not telling Jack what was going on, condemning us for our failure to make his existence well-known. Then he crashed Jack’s panel at PAX, angry at us for “forgetting” him. He’s not trying to garner our support like Dark is; if anything, he wants us to be terrified of him.

Originally posted by redthereaper07

But personally, if I had to choose between being locked in a room with Dark and being locked in a room with Anti, I’d choose Anti in a heartbeat. Because even though Anti is more obviously psychotic, at least I’d know I would be killed quickly–unlike Dark, who would torture and manipulate me verbally, physically, and possibly even sexually for an indeterminate amount of time. This is Anti’s downfall, I think; Dark disguises his true nature with seduction and charisma, but because Anti’s so unpredictable and surface-level, he identifies himself as a very obvious threat, ironically making him a little easier to understand.

Thus, my interpretation of him in Texts From Dark And Anti reflects this (albeit in a more comedic way). Anti loves memes and silly trends because he wants to stick out in a way that’ll gain recognition. He’s more up-to-date with Internet trends and slang because he’s much younger than Dark–but that also means that he’s more gullible, and a lot of simple things go over his head. Basically all of his emotions are double that of Dark’s, and he makes no efforts to disguise them. He’s also much more privvy to senseless murder than Dark. This speaks highly of his psychotic tendencies and general disregard for any order or secrets he could be bothering to keep. What you see of Anti is what you get: an easily-excitable, always-ready-to-fuck-shit-up killing machine.

Originally posted by markired

So…yeah. That’s pretty much my piece. Told you it’d be long. X’D

But tysm for asking!! And if any of you bothered reading this far, PLEASE reblog or leave a reply with your thoughts on my interpretation of these two characters and how you characterize them personally. I’m super crazy interested in the lore around these two (or lack thereof), which is why I created Texts From Dark And Anti in the first place. ^_^

anonymous asked:

remember when dan and phil made those sexy internet dating videos where they would troll people together on dating apps

sometimes i remember dan and phil uploaded a video where they deadass catfished horny people online as a guinea pig and im suddenly reminded of how wild dan and phil truly are

Three heads are better than one(1)

You weren’t one for internet dating. There were all kinds of stories about creeps and freaks who could easily take advantage of someone going in with the purest of intentions after all. But your usual pick up spots had gotten pretty sparse lately, and enough time had past from your last break up for you to start putting yourself out there again. A new start, and the anonymity of the internet was an attractive lure.

You find yourself eventually talking to this rather cute sounding guy. A bit of a snob when it came to his hobbies, it’s true, but you had a bad habit of doing the same when discussing your favorite books, or arguing the merits of your movie collection. It was nice to come across a kindred spirit (Even if he was totally wrong about which House was better in the HP series).

But you noticed he was always pretty elusive when it came to describing himself. You knew he had two brothers that always seemed to hack his account (And if you were honest they were pretty cool to talk to until he kicked them out). You knew he worked in a library somewhere. You knew his favorite expression for annoyance was >Headbutts “item/person”<. But you didn’t actually know anything about what he looked like.

It was a tad worrying. You liked this guy and even his brothers. You didn’t want to have to be the asshole and start demanding at least a picture of himself. There were tons of reasons why he wouldn’t want to show his face after all, some good, some bad… You just had to take a chance…

But then his brother managed to sneak back onto his account (And really, if there was anything you would suggest to work on it was his passwords), giving you a time and a place to meet up. It was what you had been waiting for, a chance to finally see this guy eye to eye.

You hope he was cute.

Arriving at the small bar his brother suggested, you ended up waiting… and waiting… And waiting… Finally deciding he was a no show and without a message of explanation, you get up to leave, only to hear your name called by a hesitant voice…

You turn around and he was… Certainly… Noticeable. Built like a brick outhouse, taller by you by at least a foot, maybe a foot and a half if he stopped slouching, loose leather jacket that, surprisingly, sent a tingle over your body and where did that come from? And those wire frame glasses were just… Cute seemed like an understatement.
Oh. And he had white fur. Hourglass eyes. Curved horns. And attached onto a body with a smirking lion’s head in the middle and a sleepy looking reptile on the other side.

You had heard about the Preternatural races of course, but this was your first time seeing one. And you’ve been apparently flirting with one for months.
At least now his reluctance to show himself on screen was more understandable.

Slowly, you hold out your hand and try to hide your nerves with a smile as you introduce yourself.
“It’s good to finally meet you.”

He has a firm grip. He could easily crush every bone in your hand without effort. But his shy, almost scared smile can’t help but make him look adorable as his siblings exchange a pleased smirk behind his head.
You chuckle a little awkwardly and gesture to a nearby chair as you sit back down.

After all, you deserve it to both of you (Four of you?) to at least give this a chance…

Romance: Bad End
EchoingValley

Papyrus attempts to seduce the human via the wonders of internet dating! It goes about as expected.

Transcript:

My dearest human,

I humbly request to bestow upon you the visage, of my genitals. Having viewed your wondrous self, i feel it only fair to bestow upon you such a gift, as it only fair to give thanks to one as radiant as yourself. You need not reciprocate, as your delight is all the thanks i require!

With humble gratitude,

The great (and handsome ^~) Papyrus!

…yes, that ought to do it! With all my studies of the human male interaction on the internet, and this perfectly crafted mating request, the human is sure to fall for me! Hey wait a minute…what’s that red light…oh no!