international match

anonymous asked:

So my mom told me if I keep my job and do well in school she'll get me a cat, for luck could you draw Jasper with a black cat please?

she doesnt want to admit it but she’s actually quite proud of herself that animals are drawn to her lol

also i hope all goes well and you’re able to get your cat!!! they are really a treasure and improve ur life by 1000% 

Call me a terrorist and threaten my pay? Enjoy your nuked careers, yuh heathens.

(long story. tl;dr is at the end)

I used to work in hospitality in a metro known for it’s obscenely huge tourist population, you know, the city built around the Mouse. I was a manager for the recreational division of the hotel. So one day, my boss (who we’ll call Mary for the purpose of the story) comes into the shared managers office and starts rummaging around for something, and strikes up a small conversation about work related minutiae with me. It’s important to note she is actually 2 tiers above me, but was acting as head of the department while searching to replace my previous boss who recently quit (great guy by the way, huge loss to the company).

As we’re talking, she abruptly stops and says “By the way, you need to shave your beard, you look like a terrorist and I don’t employ terrorists”. Haha, funny joke between colleagues, right? Nope. I am half Indian and I do look middle-eastern, and have been taking this kind of shit since middle school. Plus, we’re not close, at all. So I reply as calmly as I can muster, “Hey, I get you’re trying to be funny, but on my end it comes off as pretty ignorant, so I’d appreciate it if you chilled out with the terrorist stuff” to which Mary retorts “Oh, I’m ignorant? We’ll see how ignorant I am during your annual review”, and proceeds to walk out of the room in a huff. My jaw dropped so low I could taste the floor.

Keep reading

6 Ways to Improve Your Study Habits That Are Backed by Science

Study in the same format that your test will be.

The research: In a study done by Morris & Coworkers, participants’ retrieval performance, which was a rhyming task, depended on whether or not their encoding task was that of processing for meaning or for rhyming.  In other words, participants who had an encoding task that required processing for rhyming had a better retrieval performance than did participants who had an encoding task that required processing for meaning. This is known as transfer-appropriate processing.

How it applies to your studying: If you know your exam is going to be exclusively short answers, then study by answering short answers and not by completing practice multiple choice tests. If you know a set of terms will be tested in a matching format, then create a study guide that involves you having to match terms to definitions or examples.

Match the context.

The research: Godden and Baddely really worked hard to prove their point about encoding specificity.  They had half of their participants study, or encode, underwater while diving and half study on land.  Recall for all participants was underwater and those from the diving condition had a higher recall than those who studied in land.

How it applies to your studying: Study in the same room that your exam will be in.  If your exam is in the same room as your class, it’s even more beneficial.

Match your internal state.

The research: Eich and Metcalfe measured the impact of state-dependent learning by having subjects listen to happy or sad music and think thoughts that matched the mood of the music.  They rated their mood and once it reached “very pleasant” or “very unpleasant”, the encoding aspect of the study began and they studied lists of words.  The participants returned two days later, followed the same procedure to put them in happy or sad moods, and were then given a memory test.  Those whose mood at retrieval matched their mood at encoding had higher rates of recall. 

How it applies to your studying: Try to match your moods when studying with your mood during your exam.  This does not mean stress yourself out at all times, but if you’re relaxed and content when studying and during the exam, that is better than being sad while studying but content during the exam. 

Relate the material to yourself.

The research: Rogers and coworkers presented participants with a question for 3 seconds and then a word who then had to answer if the word answered the question or not.  Questions included “Printed in small case? Rhymes with happy? Means the same as happy? Describes you?”  During recall tests, subjects remembered 25% more words that they had rated as describing themselves, as compared to only 5% recall for size, 8% for rhyme, and 14% for meaning. This is known as the self-reference effect.

How it applies to your studying: Try to find things in your material to remind them of you.  For instance, I had an exam on the endocrine system recently and my dog has an endocrine disorder so I related the flow of hormones to my dog. By writing this article, I’m relating long term memory to myself in preparation for my Cognition exam. 

Use visual images.

The research: Bower and Winzenz used paired-associate learning (a list of word pairs is presented) and later presented only the first word.  Participants were tasked with recalling the word it was paired with.  One group was instructed to silently repeat the pairs while the other group was told to make a mental image of the word pairs interacting.  Subjects who created visual mental images remembered twice as many word pairs than those who silently repeated words.

How it applies to your studying: Assign different concepts to different things in the room.  This works whether you are studying in the exam room or if you’re studying in your dorm.  If I were doing this for my bio exam, I’d “hang up” the idea of the systemic and pulmonary circuits of the heart in my closet, put the idea of homeotherms and poikilotherms on my key hook, and microwave the concept of action potentials, etc.

Consolidate. 

The research: Muller and Pilzecker had two groups of participants; one group learned one list of words and immediately learned a second list while the other group learned one list of words, waited six minutes, and then learned the second list.  When asked to recall the first list of words, the six minute delay group were able to recall 48% more than the immediate group.  By having a delay, it allowed for the formation of a stable memory of the first list, otherwise known as consolidation.

How it applies to your studying: Study in chunks of time.  Don’t stay up all night studying! Not only is it bad for your health, but it also disrupts the consolidation of memories.  Instead, study for smaller amounts of time and take short breaks.  Take a 15 minute walk, stretch, read a book, watch a Youtube video, etc.  But don’t study all in one shot.  A 48% increase in recall could do wonders for your grade!

anonymous asked:

FYI: 8 reasons why CR7 is the GOAT, therefore better than Messi. - CR7 is a better overall goals scorer. Better goals per game ratio than Messi. - CR7 is a better free- kick scorer. - Messi never prove himself outside Barca. CR7 makes his team better. Messi always rely on Xavi and Iniesta. - Messi constantly dissapears with Argentina when his team need him. - Messi usually dissapears in relevant Champion' matches. - CR7 is a better header scorer. (To be continue)

(part 2:) - CR7 is a player with more goals and assists in the history of CL, he is more decisive in this competition. - CR7 is more decisive with his national team. In WC 2010 Messi score 0 goal even North Korea score more than him. In WC 2014 only scored in a group stage. Don’t mention Copa America, he just scored 1 goals and next year missed penalty. All the greatest players of all times have won with their national team. But Messi won’t. I hope this informations will get in your head. Keep crying.

I’ve avoided getting involved in this “debate” over the last few years or so, but since you took so much effort in trying to convince me of something that isn’t even an argument to me, I have some time & I’m more than happy pay you the same courtesy in explaining to you with facts why this is so. Let’s do it by looking at each of the points you’ve included this so-called “information” I’m supposed to “get in my head”:

► “CR7 is a better overall goals scorer. Better goals per game ratio than Messi.

False.

All-time, club and country?

  • CR: 595 goals/852 matches = 0.70 goal ratio
  • Messi: 562 goals/698 matches = 0.81 goal ratio

All-time, just club?

  • CR: 524 goals/714 matches = 0.73 goal ratio
  • Messi: 504 goals/581 matches = 0.87 goal ratio

All-time, just country?

  • CR:  71 goals / 138 matches = 0.51 goal ratio
  • Messi: 58 goals / 117 matches = 0.50 goal ratio

CR’s ratio is 0.01 higher and he has had 21 more international matches played than Messi. Alright. Collectively though, that 0.01 doesn’t make him “better overall”. 

Conversion rates since 2009:

  • CR’s conversion rate total/outside the box: 15% / 5%
  • Messi’s conversion rate total/outside the box: 21% / 9%

What about when they’ve been at their very best, goalscoring-wise? Most goals scored in a calendar year:

  • CR: 69 goals (ratio: 1.17)
  • Messi: 91 goals (ratio: 1.32)

Not only is Messi better in terms of quantity of goals, he is also a better goalscorer when context is considered. How do they perform under pressure/when the team needs them the most? From 2016:

  • CR conversion rate when team is winning / when team is losing or drawing: 25% / 6%
  • Messi conversion rate when team is winning / when team is losing or drawing: 22% / 20%

Here’s an infographic (although it’s only updated up to 2015) to help better illustrate the importance of context & goalscoring when it comes to Messi and Cristiano:

(credit to Grup 14 and Sarah)

Goals after 1 dribble/2 dribbles/3 dribbles/4 dribbles:

  • CR: 45 goals/10 goals/2 goals/0 goals
  • Messi: 115 goals/40 goals/15 goals/4 goals

Pre-assisted goals:

  • CR: 13 goals
  • Messi: 90 goals

► “CR7 is a better free-kick scorer.

Not quite

  • Since Messi and Ronaldo have been playing together in Spain (2009-10 season): 
    • CR has scored 20 goals in 291 attempts. This creates a conversion rate 6.87%.
    • Messi scored 17 free-kick goals with 212 attempts, creating a conversion rate of 8.02%.
  • Since 2012: 
    • CR has scored 17; conversion rate = 7%, 
    • Messi has scored 23; conversion rate = 10.5%
  • Even more recent, just for fun: 
    • Messi has scored 3 free-kicks in 2017 alone
    • CR has converted only 3 since 2015.

What about in big matches?

  • Total free-kick goals in El Clasico: 
    • Messi = 2
    • CR = 0
  • Messi’s total free-kick goals in World Cup and Copa America matches: 2 
    • CA = 1 (vs. Panama)
    • WC = 1 (vs. Nigeria) 
  • CR’s total free-kick goals in World Cup & Euro matches: 0. 
    • With 43 attempts. On average, he has had a shot from a direct free-kick every 67 minutes he has been on the pitch (with a total of 2,884 minutes at major international tournaments) and has a ZERO PERCENT conversion rate.

► “Messi never proved himself outside Barca.”

The old “but can he do it on a cold, wet Tuesday night in Stoke?” argument is easy to lean on because he hasn’t, but it doesn’t change that it’s an extremely flawed argument. Let’s look at why - specifically England, where CR has proved himself outside of Spain since we’re doing a head-to-head comparison. 

  • Lionel Messi has scored more Champions League goals against English clubs than he has against sides from any other nation.
    • On the 25 occasions that he has lined up against English teams, Messi has scored a total of 16 goals. 
      • Arsenal - 9 goals in 6 matches. 
      • Manchester City - 5 goals in 5 matches. 
      • Manchester United - 2 goals (which helped Barcelona claim Champions League victories in Rome in 2009 and at Wembley Stadium in 2011

Never mind him having big performances against Bayern/Leverkusen, PSG/Lyon, AC Milan/Roma, Celtic/Rangers and etc. So, something tells me the kid from Rosario - who also played very well through the rough conditions he experienced there - CAN do it on cold, rainy night in Stoke. If you think he cannot simply because he hasn’t, that’s up to you. You’re entitled to your opinion. But the stats tell us another story.

► “CR7 makes his team better.”

Sure he does, he is one of football’s greatest. But Messi makes his even better

Messi’s total major club trophies: 29 TOTAL (including 2 trebles, one of those years winning the sextuple)

  • 8 League championships
  • 4 Champions Leagues
  • 4 Copas del Rey
  • 3 UEFA Supercups
  • 3 Club World Cups
  • 7 Supercopas de España

CR total major club trophies (RM+Manchester United): 16 TOTAL

  • 4 League championships
  • 2 Copas del Rey
  • 2 Champions Leagues
  • 1 Supercopa de España
  • 1 FA Cup
  • 1 EFL Cup
  • 1 Community Shield
  • 3 Club World Cups
  • 1 Super Cup 

Stats since 2009, when Messi and CR started playing together in the same league:

  • CR + RM: 9 major Trophies
    • + 1 Liga
    • + 2 Copas del Rey
    • + 2 Champions Leagues
    • + 1 Supercopa de España
    • + 2 Club World Cups
    • + 1 Super Cup
  • Messi + Barça: 20 major trophies
    • + 5 Ligas
    • + 3 Copas del Rey
    • + 2 Champions Leagues
    • + 5 Supercopas de España
    • + 3 Club World Cups
    • + 2 UEFA Super Cups

All-time assists, club and country:

  • CR: 195, in 852 matches
  • Messi: 230, in 698 matches

    ► “Messi always relies on Xavi and Iniesta.

    Another archaic myth that Messi has destroyed year after year. Crazy that people are still hanging on to this, even after Xavi has been gone for two years now and Iniesta has been on/off form while dealing with playing in/out of position. Meanwhile, Messi has continued to improve and remain the greatest. 

    This myth seemingly makes sense due to Messi’s lack of titles with Argentina compared to his achievements at Barca - but again, this is a very flawed argument. Messi is the greatest player in the world and Xavi/Iniesta are two of the greatest midfielders/were one of the greatest midfield duos of this generation. Together, the three of them contributed to a Barça that won everything a club can within a short span of time. But how can we say in the same sentence that “Barça is only successful because they rely on Messi” AND “Messi is only successful because he relies on Xavi/Iniesta”? Grasping at straws like this really isn’t necessary, because the truth of the matter is that they simply formed a brilliant partnership together. Barcelona successfully utilized the talents of these incredible players together to succeed. Some facts to further debunk this:

    • During Messi’s record breaking year when he scored 91 goals, he was assisted only eight times by Iniesta and five times by Xavi. 
    • Neither Xavi nor Iniesta have even assisted Messi the most in his career. It’s Dani Alves. 
    • Messi continues to have the most Barcelona assists himself since 2003/2004. At Barcelona, he has more assists alone than Iniesta and Xavi combined in their club careers.

    But maybe assists alone cannot determine the impact Xavi or Iniesta has on Messi. Alright, what about pre-assisted goals (goals pre-assisted by the scorer)?

    • As we said before, as of 2016, 90 of Messi’s goals were pre-assisted. This means that in ~23% of his goals, he started the play with key passes that ended up back with him scoring. 
    • While CR, surrounded by Modric, Kroos, Ozil, Di Maria, etc. (I’m not sure why people like to act like he hasn’t been surrounded by top players) throughout his career sits at 13 pre-assisted goals. 

    Not convinced? Then let’s look at Messi’s performances for Argentina, where he has no Xavi/Iniesta. You said….

    ► “Messi constantly disappears with Argentina when his team need him. CR7 is more decisive with his national team.

    Which is again, false. Of all the big name players that play for Argentina, you call the man who is, for his national team, the…

    • Top scorer in all international competitions, including friendlies
    • Top scorer in International friendlies
    • Top scorer from the penalty spot
    • Top scorer in all U-20 international competitions
    • Top scorer in FIFA World Cup qualification
    • Top scorer when looking at goals scored in one calendar year
    • Top hat-trick scorer in all international competitions, including friendlies
    • Top assister in all international competitions, including friendlies
    • Only player that have scored against all 9 South American Nations
    • Key contributor in terms of keeping possession, averaging 63 passes per game and converting 86.2 percent.

    “disappearing”, “dependent on Xavi/Iniesta” and "indecisive”?

    • Argentina’s National Team Win % in 2014 and 2018 World Cup Qualification with Messi: 65%
    • Without Messi? 22%.

      Not quite. 

      I would suggest reading and watching [this analysis] for a better perspective on this. There is a video there which compares how Messi plays for Argentina and how he plays for Barcelona and it reveals that there isn’t much difference between how he plays for both sides, but there is a difference in the behaviour of his teammates. The confidence that Messi receives from his teammates in Barcelona is far different from what he is offered by his teammates in Argentina. As I said before, Barcelona has been able to successfully utilize Messi’s talents/abilities and have reaped every award there is because of it - something Argentina has failed to take advantage of so far. 

      In regards to CR with this, a reminder:

      • CR goals international: 71 goals / 138 matches = 0.51 goal ratio
      • Messi goals: 58 goals / 117 matches = 0.50 goal ratio

      A difference of 0.01, with CR playing 21 more international games.

      International Assists?

      • CR: 23
      • Messi: 37 (in 21 less matches)

      International Goal Participation?

      • CR: Every 113m + 25s
      • Messi: Every 99m + 12s

      ► “In WC 2010 Messi score 0 goal even North Korea score more than him. In WC 2014 only scored in a group stage. Don’t mention Copa America, he just scored 1 goals and next year missed penalty.”

      It’s true that Messi didn’t score in WC 2010. He did get an assist (the same amount as CR in the tournament) and was named MOTM once (the same number of times as CR in the tournament). Funny you should mention North Korea though, the ONLY team Ronaldo scored against in WC 2010. Once. After Portugal was already up 6-0. 

      Also, I’m not sure which WC 2014 you were watching. I was watching the one where Ronaldo’s only goal in this tournament was also in the group stage (against Ghana), while Messi scored four times in the group stages, assisted Di Maria’s goal which carried them in the round of 16, and carried his team to the final. 

      And lol ”don’t mention Copa America”? Why? Because Leo carried his team to the final twice in two years?

      In 2015:

      • 1 goal, 2 penalties (including the ONLY one of his teammates to do so in the final) 
      • 3 assists

      In 2016: 

      • 5 goals 
      • 4 assists
        • (If you want to compare to CR’s Euro 2016, where he scored 3 and assisted 3). 
      • Again, carried his team to the final. But sure, summarize the tournament as a “missed penalty” to fit your narrative. 

      Also worth mentioning that in 2007, at age 20, he also set up the game winning goal against the US in the opening 4-1 win, scored the game-tying first goal vs Colombia in their 4-2 win, assisted their only goal against Paraguay in the beginning of the knockout stage, scored the second goal in their quarter-final victory, and another in their 3-0 semifinal win - which lead to the first of the three Copa America finals he’s played in. 

      ► “CR7 is a better header scorer.

      Yes, a 6′1 CR is better at scoring headers than a 5′7 Messi (*pretends to be shocked*). CR just passed Aduriz for this record a few months ago actually, which isn’t surprising - Cristiano has shown he’s very good in the air. Nobody is denying that Cristiano has great qualities as a player. But as I’m sure you would agree, this argument alone, does not cement anyone as the greatest of all time. Also notable to mention that Barça as a team - tactics/style kept in mind - score less headers. Next. 

      ► “Messi disappears in relevant Champions League matches.

      Did you even try with this one? A few examples of how wrong this is off the top of my head? 

      UCL Final vs. Manchester United, 2009

      UCL Quarterfinals vs. Arsenal, 2010

      • Scored four goals in the second leg, the first three in just 21 minutes

      UCL Semifinals vs. Real Madrid, 2011

      • Scored twice in ten minutes in the first leg. We advanced to the final 3-1 on aggregate. 

      UCL Final vs. Manchester United, 2011

      UCL Semifinals vs. Bayern, 2015

      • Nobody will ever forget his two goals in this extremely ‘relevant’ match, as you put it.
      • Was also at the heart of Neymar’s second goal in the second leg.

      UCL Final at Berlin against Juventus, 2015

      • Messi’s pass to Alba sparked the first goal scored by Rakitic
      • Messi was at the heart of the counter attack which gave Barca the lead again.
      • He wasn’t on the scoresheet, but he made his presence felt.

      It’s true that our last two Champions League tournaments were not what we hoped they would be, but in our ‘relevant’ matches then, Leo still scored 3 against Arsenal over both legs and scored a crucial penalty in our historic PSG comeback this year.

      I couldn’t help but notice how you didn’t have a counter-response about CR and ‘relevant’ CL matches. Could it have to do with numbers like this, from last season?:

      ^ (And again, credit to Sarah for this.)

      And speaking of ‘relevant’ matches, why not mention ‘relevant’ league matches?

      Credit to Grup 14 for the graph. Messi’s line (higher than CR’s in all aspects) shows a relatively steady performance in games (goals/assists) that isn’t affected by the quality of the opposition - so he’s there (more or less) regardless of ‘relevance’ of the match. Meanwhile, as we can see, CR follows an obvious increase in performance as the quality of the opposing team decreases.

      ► “CR7 is a player with more goals and assists in the history of CL, he is more decisive in this competition

      CR does have an advantage when it comes to assists in this competition (37 in 145 vs. Messi’s 25 in 115) - the only competition which he surpasses Messi in assists. And I’m certainly not denying that he’s decisive in this competition. Nobody could.

      But with goals:

      • CR: 104 goals in 145 games = 0.72 goals/game
      • Messi: 94 goals in 115 games = 0.82 goals/game

      And ultimately, titles:

      • CR: 3
      • Messi: 4

       ► “All the greatest players of all times have won with their national team. But Messi won’t.

      Cruyff. Raul. Puskas. Eusebio. Zico. Maldini. Ballack. Bergkamp. Figo. Gascoigne. Laudrup. And the list goes on.

      The greatness of these players, all who have never won an international title, are not questioned. A list Cristiano was also on just last year. Did you create this entire argument after the goal Eder scored, which CR watched from the bench?Did that moment make you believe it can overshadow all of the facts above? 

      If you want to get technical, Messi won with Argentina in 2008, when he became an olympic champion and was highlighted as one of the standout players in the tournament. 

      Neither CR nor Leo has lead their team to a World Cup. 

      But it is true that Messi hasn’t won a Copa America, despite playing in 3 finals and standing out in each one of those tournaments. 

      ► Other:

      • Most Ballons d'Or (5): Messi
      • Most consecutive Ballons d'Or (4): Messi
      • Most goals in La Liga history (347): Messi
      • Most assists in La Liga history (137): Messi
      • Most goals scored in a La Liga season (50): Messi
      • Most goals scored in a club season (73): Messi
      • Most goals in El Clasico history (23): Messi
      • Most assists in El Clasico history (13): Messi

      All I have to say is that if after going through the facts, doing some reading (some suggestions = Lionel Messi is ImpossibleBeyond stats and stunts - The gulf between Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo widened in 2016Lionel Messi vs Cristiano Ronaldo - Who’s the best goalscorer?Messi vs Cristiano Ronaldo - What defines a big-game player?, and the Messi vs. Ronaldo resource), some watching/listening (check out Lionel Messi - The World’s GreatestCruijffCast - Episode 7 - Messi x Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi vs. No Space, and Lionel Messi - The 10 Smartest Skills Without Touching the Ball), and maybe just watching some of Messi’s matches that will show you the things stats can’t fully capture… if you believe that headers in a differing styles of play and one international title can justify your entire argument, then there’s no more convincing I can do. This is why I like to stay out of this debate these days. Because for me, although CR is undoubtedly one of the great players of this generation, the greatest of all time isn’t debatable. 

      So if you haven’t guessed it by now, there are no tears over here. If you need a tissue though, let me know!

      Imagine Thorin purposely getting little cuts, bumps, and bruises because he loves having you fuss over him.

      Thorin: Dwalin, I need you to hit me.
      Dwalin: what? Why?
      Thorin: just hit me, I know you want to.
      Dwalin: …um alright?

      *later*
      You: Thorin, what happened to your face?*gets in closer to get a look at it*
      Thorin: Dwalin and I got a little too into a sparring match. *internally melting over the fact you’re touching him *
      You: you two should really be more careful. Let me go get the first aid kit.
      Dwalin: you poor desperate bastard.

      Originally posted by ltnivans

      growing up nonbinary when you don’t even know that is an option is so weird like being called a young lady feels so wrong but being mistaken for a boy also feels horrible and you’re just having an internal screaming match with your brain like ‘what the hell do you want, then’ and the brain is just like ‘I DON’T FUCKING KNOW BUT NOT THIS’ and i’m so glad that thanks to the internet less kids these days have to go through that.

      04. two to play

      Genre: Smut.

      Content: Jeon Jungkook. It was but an innocent game that took a tumultuous turn

      Request: Thigh riding w/ Jungkook

      Word Count: 1,937


      “The rules are simple,” he coaxed, “don’t get caught.”

      It started off as something demure, thoughtful, an idea that Jungkook proposed to spice up your vanilla sex life, but along the way something went terribly wrong. This wasn’t to say that the two of you hadn’t had your fair share of erotic nights and kinks, but throughout the years, time became a crippling factor as job opportunities arose, and Jungkook moved into a small, prepaid studio apartment with the rest of Bangtan for easy access to BigHit. 

      Keep reading

      Match Day

      Two years ago on the morning of Match Day, I was sitting on the rooftop drinking black coffee laced with whiskey, eating Egg McMuffins, watching the sun rise with my friends. We couldn’t sleep all night. Our future was at hand. And we were dying from anticipation, fear, excitement, curiosity.

      Tomorrow, massive numbers of fourth year med students will participate in one of the weirdest, unifying events in medical culture: Match Day. After all, how many professions out there give 10,000 plus people jobs simultaneously on one day every year? 

      There will be tears, of happiness, joy, confusion, disbelief. There will be shock, there will be screams, there will be hugging. No matter what happens, know that it’s all going to work out no matter what program is listed on that piece of paper.

      We residents are also anxiously waiting to hear where you will be going because we’re excited to meet our new colleagues! 

      May the odds be ever in your favor, good luck and congratulations wonderful fourth years!

      Matches.

      You strike me once and I wouldn’t budge,
      I don’t want to be your answer,
      Your hope… I cannot save you from winter.

      You strike me twice. I saw sparks.
      But just like anything, they were short-lived.
      And as if we didn’t see them happen…

      You strike thrice and I gave up.
      I let myself ignite.
      You smile, saying I illuminate the room,
      but I am combusting, consuming,
      killing myself with the heat 
      from my own fire.

      This is who I am, I served my purpose to you.
      But why?
      My reward should have been a step closer
      to your touch; your warmth with mine.
      And yet, the moment I destroyed enough
      of me to be your light, 
      You let go.

      Screaming, you acted like I was one of the many.
      And I was.

      As I fell to the floor, I laughed.
      The darkness consumed me until I was nothing,
      the ashes of what used to be fireworks. 









      .

      a/n: Send me an ask about how you interpreted this poem. I would really love to hear your thoughts. This was unintentionally somber, so sorry for that. 

      This started out as a reply directly to @eclipperton but then I couldn’t find his original post and, really, I’m just fucking lazy. Plus I thought other people might benefit from this, and my answer may benefit from the input of others to temper my burnt out answer. So let’s do some real talk about internal medicine residency.

      Serving the underserved. This hits home with me. I’ll admit that I also judged placed based on whether they included an underserved patient population in the continuity clinic. Talking from the other side of the fence, having a continuity clinic population made up nearly entirely of patients without insurance, it sucks. Most programs with large underserved patient populations still do a shit job of having programs in place to help those patients. And that makes it so much harder for you to learn how to do your job, which is the point of residency. Just keep in mind that residency is training. No matter how much your heart bleeds, you’re still going to just be absolutely done with all of your patients at the end of an 80 hr work week. Trust me. It’s human nature.

      Being close to what (or who) you love. DO IT DO IT DO IT DEAR GOSH PLEASE DO IT. Residency, especially intern year, is a big steaming pile of shit sandwich. Whatever you can do to make that shit sandwich go down easier, FUCKING DO IT. I have family nearby. My dog greets me every day when I come home. I have a boyfriend who is really fucking supportive. These are the things that help me make it through the day, and even then it’s still really fucking hard. Whatever makes this easier, cling to it. You’re going to need it.