internalised misogyny

There is nothing wrong with being Feminine

There is nothing wrong with being Masculine.

Femininity is not weakness.

Masculinity is not toxic.

9

I took the trouble of translating this bullshit for you all. 

1) So fucking what if you like to decorate your glorious nails. HE doesn’t like it so you’d better cut that shit out right away. HE doesn’t like you having ‘tantrums’ over broken nails like those silly, vain, unworthy ladies he’s seen in films written by men. (Has anyone actually ever had a tantrum over breaking a nail? I’ve hung around with girls my whole life and I’ve never once seen this happen.) Better to just get rid of them. What’s the point if he doesn’t approve, eh?

2) Guys like to be on time so don’t you dare be late! 

But wait, ladies! There’s more! He wants you dressed well (not too sexy, not too prudish), and he wants you with a perfect face of 'natural’ make up (as evidenced in point 8). Also you must smell good and be smooth all over. Somehow you’ve got to get this shit done in a way that makes it seem effortless, and also in the same amount of time it takes him not to shower or bother to look decent and just roll up at your door. 

3) Don’t stalk him. This is actually great advice. 

Oh, wait, that includes not calling him out when he sends flirty texts to other women? It includes not questioning why he won’t refer to you as his girlfriend? It includes not asking why he’s never home when he says he’s going to be?

I get it. Don’t be 'crazy’ and obsessive. Just accept these things as a fact of life. He’s a man. He needs his freedom. (But god forbid you paint your nails a pretty colour without his say so). 

4) He wants you to look skinny (with big boobs and butt), but you mustn’t diet to achieve this end! Oh no! It must happen by magic. Without his notice. He doesn’t like to be reminded that you are a real person so maybe starve yourself silly when he can’t see you, eh? (Seriously, though, don’t do that. Do not. You’re gorgeous how you are. Eat what you want.) 

5) Don’t talk. Only HE can talk. Smiling and nodding and forcing yourself to giggle at his shitty jokes is acceptable, but don’t overdo it otherwise he’ll think you’re 'crazy’ and obsessive and you don’t want that! Make sure to keep your thoughts to yourself because if you say them out loud they might irritate him. You’re only there to look good, remember? You don’t have a mind of your own.

6) Never express any emotion other than adoration for your godlike boyfriend. Don’t be sad or he’ll get fed up of you. Don’t be angry or he’ll call you a 'crazy b*tch’ or a 'nag’. Don’t enjoy anything too much without his approval or he’ll think you’re vain and vapid and irritating. Happiness is okay, so long as it’s on HIS terms. God forbid you cry. You’ll spoil your 'natural’ make up and ruin his illusion of you having flawless, poreless, smooth, doll-like, hairless skin 24/7. This may frighten the man. 

7) Never tell the man what to do. Even when you’re doing everything and he isn’t pulling his weight. In fact, maybe you should do everything for him? Uncomplainingly. He doesn’t put his washing away? Don’t nag, woman. He’s watching the game. He’ll do it later. (He won’t.) But that’s okay. Keep him happy by never expecting him to do anything he doesn’t want to. Never expect him to contribute to the household chores. Never expect him to keep that promise he made. That makes you a nag. Nag nag nag. 

He wants a girlfriend, not a mother, silly. That means in addition to doing all the household chores you also have to be sexy. 

8) He wants you looking perfect at all times, but without having to acknowledge that you are a human being. Never mind that you love that new glittery eye-shadow. Just look natural, okay? It’s easy….

But you can’t look natural natural. You can’t just roll out of bed like he can! You’ve got to have flawless skin, kissable plump lips, long lashes, perfect brows… you know, the natural stuff. 

(Don’t take longer than ten minutes to achieve this or you’ll be late and we’re back to point 4). 

Notes: Just wanted to add here, on a more serious note, that if this and all the many many articles like it isn’t an indicator of a patriarchal society, then I don’t know what is. Notice that the woman is always required to change her behaviour to please the man. It is never the other way around. You don’t get articles telling men to suck it up and compliment their girlfriend’s beautiful sparkly nails. Also, worryingly, this 'article’ was written by a woman. See how internalised misogyny poisons us all? How many of you have seriously considered one or more of these points at some time in your life? I have. Most of my teenage years were spent poring over magazines that taught me how to improve myself for the male gaze. Well fuck the male gaze, quite frankly. And fuck any many that agrees with this way of thinking. Any man that requires you to hide your humanity is not worth your time. 

I also wanted to point out how heteronormative these articles are. The attitude seems to be that if a man doesn’t like it, then there’s no point. Well, we’re not all out to bag a man. Sorry to break it to you, but some of us are lesbians, bisexual, pansexual etc… Not to mention that some of us aren't interested in relationships. Where does that leave those people? Are they entirely useless? I guess so, if they’re not there to be entertainment for the men. 

(This was going to be my new YouTube video but I still don’t have a voice so I thought I’d make it a post instead). 

i find the concept of ‘internalised misogyny’ so insulting and patronising.

basically it’s a fancy way for feminists to invalidate the opinions of any woman that doesn’t agree with them.

when i’m being told i have internalised misogyny because i refuse to condemn a whole group of people just because of the games they like, it makes me not want to be in your shitty little club.

Male gamers will say some of the nasty, ugliest, cruelest and dehumanizing things to each other while playing video games.

If you think just because you are a “grrrl gamer” you should be off limits for being trash talked to then you shouldn’t be a gamer.

Women’s misogynist behaviour towards each other exposes something deep and dark within women’s relationships. Underneath the popular image of women being good at relationships lies a reality that blocks our ability to support, protect and fight for each other. Something is causing women to hate each other, to feel jealous of each other and to tear each other down. Something is teaching women to use the language and weapons of patriarchy against each other…
It makes sense that women would internalise the language and gender beliefs that taught our mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers what ‘good’, ‘nice’ and ‘acceptable’ women look like and behave like. It is very hard not to internalise this sexism because the consequences of rejecting it, especially in our mothers’ and grandmothers’ days, was to be ignored, criticised or rejected as a ‘bad’ woman. For many, internalising the language and beliefs of patriarchy was an economic necessity.

If you want to start a discussion on the ways in which women might objectify women, why limit it to lesbian and bi women who reblog pictures of women they’re attracted to? Why not discuss the ways in which straight women commodify lesbianism, fetishise lesbian and bi women, and objectify the idealised female body?

What about straight women who watch and reblog porn? What about straight women who obsess over images of thin, half-naked, headless female bodies from fashion photoshoots? What about straight women who have “girl crushes” or “would go gay” for a hyperfeminine straight celebrity who embodies pornified beauty standards? What about straight and bi women who question why lesbians are attracted to butches because they’re used to sexualising the misogynistic, pornified ideal of the female body? What about “bi-curious” women who want to have “a lesbian experience”? What about het-partnered women who fetishise bisexuality because they want to have a threesome? What about straight women who entertain their boyfriends with some pornified fake lesbianism?

There are so many ways in which women can treat each other as less-than-human objects, but I doubt that reblogging ~sexy~ pictures of women you find attractive is a huge problem.

One of the most salient means by which feminists infantalise women is by accusing them of having internalised misogyny: your opinions are actually the patriarchy's opinions; you just don't realise how you're being manipulated because of your internalised misogyny. That makes sense, because surely it's impossible for women to have individual ideas and opinions.
#348 Because of celebrities without makeup.

Images of female celebrities without makeup is a popular feature in tabloid newspapers and gossip and fashion magazines. Who looks the best? Who looks the worst? Do you recognise these celebrities without makeup? (Yes, always. It’s not really a challenge.)

So, what’s happening here?

These articles, and many of their readers, are simultaneously shaming these women for wearing makeup and for not wearing makeup. By wearing it, they are deceitful about their true appearance, yet their natural faces are just too “shocking” for them not wear makeup. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Occasionally, someone will try to defend these features. They claim these magazines are just presenting reality as it is and thus crushing beauty ideals.They claim these images are empowering women:

See, if even Beyoncé looks like crap, then you’re okay too! It’s all just makeup and Photoshop! No one is really that beautiful!

But if the headlines call these celebrities “shocking” and"unrecognisable“, are these articles really empowering women? Or are they just telling their female readers (and the concerned celebrities) that maybe they shouldn’t ever leave their house without their makeup on? Aren’t they really saying that the natural look just doesn’t work for anyone? And if the natural look doesn’t even work for Uma Thurman, you can’t possibly be fine just as you are, you regular woman reader you! No, they are not empowering at all, they are just encouraging further girl-on-girl-hate.

If you have to drag down one woman (famous or not) in order to empower another, you’re not really empowering her.

Internalised Misogyny – I do not think it means what you think it means.

A huge factor of the swelling debate about how Moffat writes female characters has been focus on the concept of Internalised Misogyny. It isn’t surprising, but it is something that needs investigation.

Mostly the argument for those who hate Moffat’s women goes like this:

Moffat Hater:  Moffat’s women are empty shells of characters who are only there for the hero to save and for the male audience to leer over.

Female Moffat Fan: I like Moffat’s female characters and find them inspiring.

Moffat Hater:  Ah yes! But you obviously have internalised misogyny!

Now let’s strip this back a bit. What exactly is internalised misogyny?

Keep reading

Feminists: Why are people not feminists? Why are people against feminism? Do you hate women? Do you hate equal rights? Does the idea of women being equals to men scare you so?

Anti-Feminists: um.. No, equality is good. Equal rights for women is great. But feminism has a bunch of toxic and corrupt people. There are feminists who bash trans-individuals . There are feminists who bash men.There are feminists who bash women who don’t agree with them. Feminists have doxxed people, they have harassed people. They have sent bomb threats, death threats and even rape threats. And yet “good” feminists refuse to call them out.

Feminists: *closes eyes*

Feminists: *covers ears*

Feminists: *walks 5 feet away*

Feminists: Why are people not feminists? Why are people against feminism? Do you hate women? Do you hate equal rights? Does the idea of women being equals of men scare you??????

#354 Because of the Princeton Mom.

Susan Patton, commonly known as The Princeton Mom, first came into the public eye with her letter Advice for the young women of Princeton: the daughters I never had in The Daily Princetonian.

What was her advice?

Stop worrying about your studies and your career and start looking for a husband! (Your life has no meaning unless you marry a man! And you can’t marry unless you marry NOW! NOW! YOU HEARD ME, NOW!)

Patton has since become a controversial public figure, written two books (Marry Smart: Advice for Finding THE ONE & Marry by Choice, Not by Chance: Advice for Finding the Right One at the Right Time) and become the poster girl of internalised misogyny. 

Let’s take a look at some statements she’s made in interviews and in her writing:

On marriage and ‘finding Mr Right’: 

“[U]ntil you find a spouse, I would advise you invest your effort and energy at least 75% in searching for a partner and 25% in professional development.”

“You’re in your twenties, you’re no longer a student, and you are hoping to find a husband in a nonacademic setting. Good luck! You’ll need it.”  

“To avoid a life of unwanted spinsterhood — with cats!  — you have to smarten up about what’s important to you, and keep your head in the game.”

“When I say, ‘Find a man,’ what I really mean is, ‘Find a man who will respect you.’ And when I say, ‘Find a husband in college,’ what I’m really saying is, ‘It’s never too early to start planning for your personal happiness and looking for a husband who will respect you.’ It’s never too early, and it’s never too late. (Well, that’s not really true, but we’ll discuss that later.)”

“Men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated.” 

On rape:

“The definition of rape is no longer when a woman is violated at the point of a gun or a knife. We’re now identifying as rape what really is a clumsy hookup melodrama or a fumbled attempt at a kiss or caress." "Why don’t women get up and leave?”

“Sex can’t be unwanted after the fact. You can’t say it was unwanted after the fact. That is what is problematic. Sometimes when women find themselves in situation where again they have been overserved, they should have walked away, but they just didn’t. It’s easier not to. Then they wake up and say, ‘My God look at where I am. I didn’t mean to.’ It can’t be unwanted after the fact. That’s not assault. It’s bad, but it’s not assault. And I’ve said this many times, it’s the most horrific of all crimes, perhaps with the exception of child abduction. I don’t like the idea of diluting the horror, the true crime of rape with mistake sex. ‘I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want it and I didn’t mean to.’ Those are two very different things and then shouldn’t be convoluted. Again, I am advocating for women to take control of themselves, take responsibility for themselves, don’t put themselves in harms way, ever. It’s only your job to keep yourself safe, always.”

On feminism: 

“Feminists 'have over-corrected’ for past inequalities. Women now have become so emboldened by these antagonistic feminists that they have lost sight of the fact that this is the man you married.”

Apparently  marital dissatisfaction is caused by feminism…. 

On her books: 

“There are very few statistics in this book, and my research has been limited to talking with people I know, like and trust.” 

And watch this clip about the importance of having plastic surgery before you go of to university. (It will increase your chances of meeting Mr Right.)

Susan Patton is divorced.