It’s been a very diverse July 2017. I’ve missed my son something terrible and have mostly spent my time in efforts to occupy myself and my mind. This morning as I drove to work and queued up the generated Discover playlist on Spotify it found me boisterous instrumental guitar pieces that I shared to his iMessage contact. I wonder when he’ll see them, listen to them. What he’ll think of them. His tastes are developing and evolving, becoming his own self. That’s the nature of growth, of change. He is no longer the sponge of my and my partner’s shared experiences with him but a creator of his own that I am, we are, blessed to share with him and support him in. I’ll be gone for much/most of August. Off to the Manitoba Interlake region to spend time with family, with family, with family. Time away from the bustle, the hustle, the voracious appetite of a world bent on eating each and everyone one of us a little piece at a time.
When I return, the contacts that the efforts of July have revealed will hopefully continue to be explored and developed. I will continue to learn about why I feel this distinct appetite that has been so long without satisfaction and how I might address the distance between what life with my partner is now and what we will be next. We struggle on a spectrum of settled (and unsettled) comfort at one end, evolution and voracious change at the other and our strained expression and resistance of and to ourselves somewhere in the middle.
Change for the sake of change is not valuable.