intercommunity issues

I’m not sure if I’m alone in this, but as an aromantic person, I wish my romantic friends understood the emotional labor it takes for me to lend an ear to their dating woes and to provide sound romantic relationship advice when I have no solid basis for understanding said relationships in the first place. 

I tend to approach dating advice from a humanistic point of view, rather than a romantic one. That is, I’m more concerned with relationship outcomes and the physical and emotional impact of relationships than the romantic value and excitement of a relationship. That’s mostly because I am aromantic. 

I appreciate that people think of me when they’re in need, but at the same time nothing makes me want to tune out more than issues related to romance. It takes tremendous effort for me to stay engaged in a conversation involving the needs of romantic people, which might make me sound like a bad person.

At the same time, I don’t think romantic people really consider the impact this has on aromantic people. I cannot speak for every aromantic person. However, we all have our own boundaries and needs. For aromantics, that could mean that discussing romance is an exhausting activity with little to no pay off. 

I do care about the well-being and safety of my friends, but I don’t often care about their romantic pursuits. I am genuinely happy for them finding fulfilling relationships, but I am not emotionally invested in the details of their romances. I do want to support my friend, but not at the expense of my own well-being. 

The most difficult part comes down to giving relationship advice to friends whose partners or potentially partners present aromantic behavior. I want to gently remind them that not everyone experiences romantic feelings the same way that they do, but then amatonormativity rears its ugly head from said friends.  

The amount of times I’ve heard a friend describe a partner or potential partner as emotionally constipated is distressing, along with friends describing said persons as a potentially abusive because they wont open up to them or engage in romantic behavior … all the while ignoring their own impact on others…

All of this being said, I think it’s okay as an aromantic person – or any person really – to step back and say that you’re not comfortable or you’re not the right person to talk to about romance. It’s not your job to empathize with romantic feelings for your friends’ sakes when you can’t feel it in the first place. 

Suggestion:

We need to stop pretending that aromantic asexuals are well supported, represented, and listened to in the asexual community and the aromantic community. 

Why:

Aromantic asexuals receive antagonism in both communities, and the idea that aromantic asexuals are well supported, represented, and listened to in both communities sweeps this under the rug.

This misconception does more to silence aromantic asexual people than provide critical discussion on interactions between and within the aromantic and asexual communities, and it treats the aromantic asexual identity as a privilege.

It’s the responsibility of the whole community to invest in intersectionality, and the fact that aromantic asexuals exist in both communities does not make it easier for us to be heard. 

If anything, the resistance present in the aromantic and asexual community to associate with one another negatively impacts aromantic asexuals, further leading us to invisibility and isolation. 

In addition:

Aromantic asexuals are often expected to invest a lot of time and energy into the needs and wants of asexuals who aren’t aromantic and aromantics who aren’t asexual, with minimal mutual benefit.

With that said, aromantic asexuals are not at fault nor should they be criticized for prioritizing themselves, their needs, their voices, etc. in the face of minimal inter- and intra-community support. 

you've heard of asexuals, now get ready for

actually acknowledging the fact that they do not exist as two mutually exclusive groups of people, ie. aromantic asexuals vs (allo)romantic asexuals.

Female Korean-American Teenager

Hi, I’m Caroline, and as the title states, I’m a female Korean-American teen currently living in a town that’s 80% white. The majority of East Asians living here are Japanese, and over the years, there have been a few sprinklings of new Korean or Chinese families moving in. For the most part, however, my family was the only Korean family in town when we first came here. This heavily impacted my childhood - made me ashamed of my culture and ethnicity - and of course, the racism that I constantly faced from classmates, parents, teachers, and sometimes even friends, was exhausting. 

It means so much to me to see Korean-American characters - or any person of color, really - be represented in today’s books, TV shows, movies, etc. For once, I’d like to see fully-fleshed out, complex characters who are people of color - not just the 2D stereotypes that too many forms of media put them out to be. So if a few more writers out there become less ignorant due to this post, I’ll be forever grateful. 

So. Let’s do this thing!

Beauty Standards 

Most East Asians represented in today’s media have extremely straight, practically black hair. And while it’s true that straight, black hair is the most common trait regarding hair amongst Koreans, there are (*gasp*) a few of us with curly hair, too. (Moi.) To the Koreans I knew, anyways, my hair was always an object of envy. I’d frequently be asked if I got the perm, and whenever I said I had naturally curly hair, there’d be a lot of “oh, how lucky"s going around. That made me feel pretty special, only it’d last for a short while before the reality of living in a mostly-white neighborhood kicked in, where my curly hair was usually made fun of. (Usually saying that Asians don’t have curly hair. Whatever. On the whole scale of racist comments I’ve been sent, the one about my hair is the least bothersome. When I was a kid, it bothered me a lot, though, and I think to some extent, it still bothers me at least a teeny bit - I actually started to straighten my hair when I went into eighth grade. Yup, give me the Hypocrite of the Year Award. I still need some adjustments.) 

Amongst Koreans, there’s also a lot of emphasis on having a small face, long and skinny legs, a fairly short torso…essentially, Koreans thrive for the typical European figure. Koreans, however, have pretty round faces, short and stalky legs, and long torsos for the most part. (With the exception of a few - and of course, the option for plastic surgery is always out there. I shit you not, almost every Korean woman I know have at least either (a) known someone who went through plastic surgery or (b) have been in plastic surgery myself. It’s a big deal in South Korea. My grandma had surgery done to her eyes twice, my mom’s friend had surgery done to her nose and her eyes, and my aunt’s brother is actually a plastic surgeon who does operations a number of times a day.) 

Clothing 

Growing up, I wore the typical American clothing - except for on special occasions, like my first birthday or New Year’s. On those days, I’d wear a hanbok, which is a traditional Korean gown with lots of colors and embroidery. The men would wear traditional clothing as well, and it’s customary for Koreans to wear these especially on New Year’s. Now, since my brothers and I have outgrown our hanboks, we just stick to American clothes on New Year’s. 

Daily Struggles 

Though I tell all my white friends and classmates that my first language is English, my first language was actually Korean. I don’t say that my first language is Korean anymore because firstly, I don’t want people to think of me as someone who only speaks Korean and secondly, I don’t know how to speak Korean anymore. It’s sad, really, because I can understand Korean much better than my siblings and my cousins, and there are moments when I can almost remember a phrase, but as of now, speaking the language is an extreme difficulty and embarrassment to me, especially when I’m surrounded by elders. (And usually, the only things I can say to them are ‘hello’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘goodbye’.) It’s frustrating to speak to older Koreans and know exactly what they’re saying but only being able to respond in English. 

That being said, growing up, I often had to translate - more specifically, re-translate - for my mother, who didn’t know English at all when I was a child. She used to feel incredibly lonely for it, and often times, she’d feel frustrated and cry about how all of the white mothers acted like she was an idiot for not knowing English. As an extreme social butterfly, this really hurt my mother, and it hurt her even more when her own children were starting to distance themselves because of the language barrier. I remember having to sit with my mother on the couch and help her learn English - and it was, to be honest, one of the saddest experiences I’ve ever had to go through. She’d grow frustrated with herself, and she’d hate every bit of it, I could tell, but she kept going because she wanted to be there for her kids. (She eventually got her American citizenship, too, but by doing so, she had to give up her Korean citizenship. Most East Asian countries don’t allow dual citizenships.) And though I don’t speak Korean anymore, I actually continue to re-translate things for my mother - in other words, I just have to simplify the English a little bit to get her to understand what someone else is saying. (This method works for anyone else who is struggling with English. Simplify the words, that’s all - but don’t treat the person with disrespect.) 

And, of course, there’s the very exhausting series of questions that come with being Korean. The most annoying and frustrating are (but not limited to) - 

  • “Oh, so are you South Korean or North Korean?” (Bruh. If I was North Korean, there’s a VERY slim chance I’d be in America right now. I’d still be stuck in North Korea, wouldn’t I?) 
  • “But what’s your nationality?” (American.) “No, I mean your REAL nationality.“ 
  • “What are you? Japanese? Chinese? Vietnamese?” (For some reason, NO ONE GUESSES KOREAN.) 
  • “Wow, your English is great!” (???) 
  • “English is your best subject? Wait, then what about math?” (…) 
  • “I bet you’re super smart!” (…I study hard, yeah, but that has nothing to do with the fact that I’m Korean.) 
  • “Oh, my God, Koreans are SO hot.” (Ew. Times a thousand.) 

Dating and Relationships 

My parents are pretty strict about my nonexistent love life. If my dad had it his way, I wouldn’t be allowed to date until I’m out of college. But for real talk, my mom’s actually the one who’s much pickier on who I date. She told me since I was a kid that it’d be best for me to date (and marry) another Korean-American. She means this out of the goodness of her heart - mostly that she wants me to marry someone who I can connect with culturally. (“Regular Koreans will be too grounded into Korea. You need someone with similar experiences.”) My dad just doesn’t want me to date anyone Japanese - and while I find this wrong, it’s mostly due to the bad blood between Korea and Japan. (World War II, the Korean War, comfort women, etc.) 

And because of this prejudice against Japanese people, my dad always found it difficult to accept that I had a few Japanese friends. He often wanted me to stray away from other Eastern-Asians in general, American or not. (Unless, of course, it was for dating/marrying.) This was because he didn’t want me to become a part of “THAT Asian group”, which, let me just say, is pretty sad, because when there’s a group of white kids hanging around, no one finds it strange. When there’s a big group of x friends of x race, it’s suddenly SUCH an odd sight. 

Food 

This is where I try to restrain myself for real. 

The most common foods you’ll find at a Korean dinner table are rice, kimchi (which is basically spicy pickled cabbage - lots of Koreans eat it, but I personally never did. And I still don’t. Oops), kim (pronounced keem - basically roasted and dried, slightly salted seaweed strips. Which are really good), along with a number of side-dishes and maybe one big, main dish. (Mostly meat.) 

Favorite Korean dishes include

  • seolleongtang, a lightly salted broth with oxtail meat, or sometimes some other kind of meat. There’s usually a sprinkling of scallions, and rice or noodles can be served inside. 
  • kalbi, the famous Korean BBQ. Just imagine meat being prepared directly in front of you served with veggies. Delicious, but be warned - your burps will stink - and I mean stink - afterwards. Its variant, kalbi jim, are slow-cooked short ribs served often with Korean-style steamed potatoes and carrots. Just as good. 
  • tangsuyuk, sweet and sour (mostly sweet, I think, anyways,) pork. The pork is covered with a batter that is fried and then typically dunked in sweet sauce. Some people like to have the sauce on the side so they can dip it in - and still save the crunch. It’s a personal preference. 
  • buchimgae, otherwise known as Kimchi Pancakes. Korean pancakes are not your typical breakfast pancakes. They’re made in a pan, like regular breakfast pancakes, but inside, there’s an assortment of seafood, veggies, and in this version, kimchi. (There are spicy and non-spicy versions). 
  • tteokbokki, spicy rice cakes. Very chewy and again, pretty spicy. 

Favorite Korean sweets/desserts/snacks include 

  • tteok, sweet rice cakes. There are many different kinds of rice cake, usually with flavors of classical red bean or green tea. The favorite of many children is the classical rainbow tteok, where the rice cakes are dyed with strips of green, pink, and yellow. The flavor of plain tteok is actually not too sweet, but it’s still a very classic, very traditional and cultural Korean dessert that cannot be skipped over. 
  • yakbap, a very special type of sweet rice cake all on its own. This is a favorite amongst many, and the rice is prepared in a way that it’s sticky and brown. Pine nuts, chestnuts, and jujubes as well as raisins are mixed in. 
  • patbingsu, a frozen dessert. Think of an evolved form of shave ice with toppings like red bean paste, nuts, and fruit. Extremely popular in South Korea, not to mention one of its most iconic desserts. 
  • saeoosnek, shrimp-flavored crackers. Again, a very popular snack that’s exactly what it sounds like. Crackers. With. Shrimp. Flavoring. 
  • choco pie, a popular chocolate-marshmallow cake that looks similar to America’s moon pie. Extremely popular amongst children. 

Holidays 

In my family, we never celebrated the direct Korean celebrations, but we always celebrated the Korean New Year the traditional way. Again, usually dressed in hanbok, children (and parents) would bow down to the oldest members of the family and pay their respects with a traditional phrase. They also have to perform a special bow three times while saying this phrase. (There are two different bows - one for men, one for women.) Once doing so, the elder usually gives a blessing to the family members and presents them with an envelope of money, very similar to the traditional Chinese red envelope they receive on their New Year’s celebration. 

Another traditional Korean celebration my family - and many other Korean families, I’m sure - celebrate is the 100 Days birthday. 

A brief history lesson - back when Korea was suffering due to the economy failing, it was a rare occurrence to ever see a child live past one hundred days. Once one hundred days had passed, then the family would rejoice and throw a large celebration, inviting friends, extended family members. There’d be lots of food and laughter and different rituals all dedicated to the child. Now, of course, Korea’s economic situation is not the same as it was back then, but we still hold these celebrations for tradition and cultural reasons. 

One of the most important rituals in the 100 Days birthday is sitting the baby down in front of a variety of items - usually a coin, a pen, a length of twine, a book, food, and sometimes other variants of those items. If the child picks up a coin, then it is to be predicted that this child will live a wealthy life. If the child picks up a pen or a book, then it is to be predicted that this child will grow to become a scholar. If the child picks up food, then it is to be predicted that this child will never go hungry. If the child picks up the length of twine (or sometimes string or a spool of thread), then it is to be predicted that this child will live a long life. Some families believe in this, others don’t, but either way, this ritual is performed because hey, tradition! (And besides, it makes for pretty cute pictures.) 

Home/Family Life 

Korean families and Korean home-life, I feel, will always have a different atmosphere from white families. Most Korean parents are very reserved when it comes to public displays of affection for their children, though like all families, this can vary. Independence and learning how to grow an outer shell is very important to the Korean lifestyle. This doesn’t mean that Korean parents don’t love their children - of course they do, and again, all Korean families work differently. However, this pattern and discipline is a common thing to find in most Korean families. 

There’s a certain emphasis on studying - and no, not all Korean parents are super strict about grades and threaten to beat their children if they get a B on a report card. (At least, my parents didn’t.) However, education is still considered a top priority. Studying is encouraged, and most Korean parents want to see their children secure a good job (ie doctor, lawyer, engineer, etc). Most of the time, Korean parents just want to see their children live a secured life. That’s it. At least, with my parents, everything they ever taught me or told me had something to do with me learning to survive when I become older. I used to resent this when I was a kid, but now that I’ve grown more mature, I actually find myself appreciating everything my parents have ever taught me. 

Another note - when a Korean woman marries, she is cut off from her birth family and is considered to only be a part of her husband’s family. This limits her visits to her own birth family - and though this was a common thing before, I believe many Korean families don’t operate the same way anymore. (Some traditions last longer than others.) 

Elders are respected. Period. Even if s/he’s getting on your nerves, you ALWAYS RESPECT THE ELDERS. 

Shoes are taken off before entering a house. No exceptions to this rule. If you wanna impress your Korean friend, take off your damn shoes. This will be appreciated. 

Things I’d like to see less of. 

  • people thinking that “all Koreans get hot when they’re older”. (FETISHIZATION IS A BIG NO-NO.)
  • Koreans being seen as submissive and docile creatures. (Note how I said creatures and not humans. Because that’s how some people treat Koreans and other East Asians. Like we’re creatures, rather than actual human beings.) 
  • Koreans being seen as kickass ninjas. (It’s either docile creatures or kickass ninjas. There’s never a line between the two, and it’s exhausting.) 
  • “Koreans are so romantic!” (Sorry, that’s the K-drama binge talking. If anything, Koreans are pretty reserved when it comes to PDA and again, affection in general. Of course, I can’t speak for all Koreans, but at least with my family, PDA was always kept to a minimum. Usually a quick peck on the lips, kisses on the cheek, hand-holding, etc. Never an actual full kiss in public. Forget about make-out sessions.) 
  • Stone-cold Koreans. (Again, there’s either the romantic Korean or the Terminator Korean. Never an in-between. Yes, keep in mind that due to cultural reasons, Koreans don’t typically display affection. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE DON’T DISPLAY EMOTIONS.) 
  • Straight-A Koreans. Typically good at math and science. (While yes, many East Asian countries and families put emphasis on these subjects, not all Koreans happen to be extreme nerds who cry at a B on a report card. Example A - I happen to stink at math. And I know many other Asian-Americans who also stink at math. So.) 
  • Assuming Korean parents are abusive. (While there are many abusive Korean parents out there, people need to stop assuming that right off the bat. Stop. It’s extremely disrespectful, not to mention just wrong?!) 

Things i’d like to see more of. 

  • complex, well-rounded Korean characters. (Give me a Korean character who hates math but still tries to do well in class. Give me a Korean character who’s bisexual and surrounded by loving family members. Give me a Korean character who likes roller-skating and getting high in the bathroom stalls and sings Jackson 5 all day. Give me a Korean character who goes out to be homecoming queen and buffs her nails while fighting demons. Give me a Korean character who cries, laughs, talks, breathes, LIVES like an actual human being, and you’ll get the respect of hundreds - maybe thousands - of readers and viewers who’ve been waiting for so long to be properly represented.) 

From One to Another

From One to Another is a collective letter from younger lesbians to older lesbians. Written with love to express everything from gratefulness at their presence and community building, to expressing our fears as young lesbians and explaining what it’s like to be us.


Submission guidelines:

• Please submit only if you would consider yourself a younger lesbian looking to write to elder lesbians. Leaving this up to interpretation, since there’s not a specific line of old and young, but bear in mind the idea was born partly because of a generation gap - modern queer culture and its effort to erase, redefine, or change lesbians.

• Write with kindness. This zine isn’t about blaming or chastising. Have you experienced women not understanding or listening to what it’s like to be you? Explain.

What do YOU want older lesbians to know about you? Are you grateful, or do you want to know more about them too? Do you have an experience with them to share? An experience in queer culture? An experience disidentifying? An experience of not being listened to or understood? What’s it like to be you, what is your community like, your history, are you scared for our future?

• Feel free to submit multiple pieces! There’s no specific length limit right now, but pieces may need to be clipped for length.

• No hateful language.

• Be mindful that some words we use may not be everyday words for readers - define your terms!

• Let me know how you would like to be credited! If you’d like to be anonymous, please send a nickname / screen name / pseudonym.

• We define lesbian as females exclusively attracted to females - that is, afab / female-born.

• I can reject submissions at my discretion/for not following the guideline

• If you have any questions, feel free to contact me!

• I haven’t set a deadline yet, just keep an eye out! I’ll post letting everyone know when they only have a certain amount of time left to submit.

• Submit pieces and ask questions to this blog

2

i’ve screencaped these posts and made an original post as to not derail the posts in question or come across as calling out anyone in particular, as that is not at all my intention behind this post, but…

i’ve been seeing these flags (and variations of them) floating around both Tumblr and Twitter for over a year now and every time i do, i can’t help but think to myself…

people who are not American and thus would not be familiar with US history aside, do [young] people these days not recognize the symbol on these flags as being a re-purposed Black Power Fist….? do [young] people not know that this fist has been a common symbol of black power specifically since the Black Panther Party popularized it in the 1960′s…? that something that symbolizes power for black people certain ethnic / racial groups is not going to be synonymous with symbolizing power for all people of color because not all people of color are black members of the ethnic / racial groups with a history of rallying behind this symbol…?

has anyone stopped to consider that not all people of color– be they black or not– will feel comfortable with this symbol being used in this way…? that not all people of color will even feel represented by this symbol, because the added brown palette of stripes does not divorce this symbol from its decades of history being used specifically for / by / about black (and brown) people…?

not here to accuse anyone of anything or argue who can and can’t use this symbol; it is not at all my place to do so. i’m just genuinely confused by what seems to be a common trend these days– things that are specific to American black history and / or the black community in America being used blanketly in reference to people of color in general.

edit: but wait, there’s more.

So one of my classes in the fall…

…deals with teaching disabled students of other marginalized groups. Our textbooks cover:

•case studies on diversity/social justice education

•Contemporary activism movements (BLM and Occupy)

•Intersectionality and classism

•Activist teaching in consertivist America

•Political issues of the 21st century

•Racism in society and how “color-blindness” is a myth.

•LGBTQ+ and education

•Culturally appropriate approach to literacy instruction for ELLs

•How White social dominance is driving school “reform” and destroying the education of students of color.


This is so important given disability often intersects with race, sexual orientation, gender identity, poverty, culture, and so much more.


I’m going to love this class as it’ll be an extension of my Tumblr feed. I can see the middle class striaght cis white people who haven’t been exposed to this and have been living in their ignorance, never having any of their privileges challenged or needing to check them regularly having a really difficult time with this class.

anonymous asked:

hey! jw is ace discourse (the core question is asexuality lgbt, not the aphobia that's sprung up around that) something you'd be open to discussing?

Hey, as discussed here: there is no “core question” in “ace discourse.” What is called “ace discourse” cannot be separated from aphobia because I consider it to be “the persistent villainization and derailing of asexual narratives and experiences to suit a particular agenda.”

The question “Is asexuality LGBT?” is not a question that I believe accurately represents the issue of inclusion/exclusion. When I was younger, we did not often refer to asexuality as “LGBT” or “inherently LGBT.” We discussed how asexuality can be a part of the LGBT community.

The big difference here is that the “Is asexuality LGBT?” question does not seek to examine the appropriateness of asexuals in LGBT spaces so much as it seeks to put asexuality under a microscope to see if it matches a nebulous sense of a common LGBT identity. 

In the process, the validity of our identities is questioned, our need for resources is questioned, our personal histories and experiences are questioned, and so on, to the point where asexual people risk being severed from community altogether and their needs are not met.

Therefore, I cannot condone or tolerate “ace discourse” as a valid discourse.

Regarding inclusion/exclusion:

I’m not concerned as to whether or not asexuals belong in the LGBT community, because they’re already included in multiple spaces and resources continue to be provided by LGBT centers to asexual people. It is a community, not a single identity, and it’s critical people see that the community is very diverse.

It cannot be defined by one or two traits. 

A more appropriate and realistic discussion, for me, is when and where it’s appropriate to be inclusive of asexuality. This is an intercommunity issue, and I have spoken about how exclusion isn’t inherently bad. My stance is that there is a time and place for individual communities to prioritize their needs. 

However, asexual people are undoubtedly a part of LGBT spaces. No amount of “ace discourse” has or will change that. I’m not going to exhaust myself day in and day out to drive home the point that asexual people have been in and have contributed to LGBT spaces for a long time now.  

gingerly-writing  asked:

Hi! What do you think about writing abt inter-PoC racism? E.g., my friend's grandma is the most overtly racist person I've ever met, and she's Chinese; she's said things abt my Indian and Sudanese friends that don't bear repeating. Do you think stuff like this should be written abt, or should we stick to white racism for clarity's sake? I don't want to stir up 'but you guys say this abt each other' arguments for white people to use to defend racism (even if it's set in a non-white country). Thx

Writing about Prejudice between People of Color

In matters like this, I believe in a certain amount of what I’ve come to term “owning your a**holes.”  That is, when a member of a particular community does something that is some level of heinous, I think the community disavowing their action is a sort of pointless activity.  But, especially for marginalized groups it’s something that’s practically expected of you (take shooting incidents: if it’s a Muslim shooter, all Muslims are expected to disown them, if it’s a Black shooter, all Black people are expected to disown then, but if it a white male shooter, it’s not expected that all white people or all men have to disown him).  Random incidences of racism aren’t shootings, but I think the principle behind the reaction is analogous.  If some Indian person I don’t even know does something racist or bigoted, I, random Indian dude, should not distance myself in the service of trying to prove that Indians are somehow immune to being racist.  Part of calling them out would acknowledge that this is not okay and not something I want in my community.  Listen to your fellow desi, you a**hole.

People of color being racist toward other people of color is definitely a thing and I don’t want anyone to pretend like it isn’t, but there’s an element of care to be taken and it honestly probably depends a lot on who the writer is.  

The writer, just as part of being a person, should be and hopefully is looking at owning their own a**holes.  I wouldn’t want a white writer writing about, say, Chinese people being racist to Indian people if it means ignoring the log in their own eye so to speak.  And really it’s for similar reasons that a person of color needs to be careful about writing about racism between two marginalized groups if they don’t belong to either of them.  If you do belong to one of the groups involved, either as the perp or the target, I think it’s fair game.  Your words come from within the community(ies) then and have greater force to be transformative.

I don’t ever want to state categorically that someone should never even try to write about a particular topic solely due to their demographics, but be judicious about it.  Do the research, do the introspection, and accept the strong possibility that the best conclusion may be that a certain topic is best left to someone else.

I mean, you could write a story about a big diverse group of people all just being racist to each other.  Sounds like a depressing story to me, but whatever.

Point is, don’t single out the features of a particular interaction you aren’t experienced with/don’t have the know-how of, because it may come off as preaching and as diverting attention from present issues that you are probably closer too and should know more about.

~Mod Nikhil

“I know I know”

But can one ever fully know about anything, even a lived experience? Especially when it comes to lived experiences, particularly those that you aren’t apart of?

Because here’s the thing. People change. What was considered acceptable to say 20, 30, 40 years ago can now be considered offensive, insulting, oppressive, etc. But was it ever okay in the first place? Silence by the minority is not approval despite what the dominate group thinks.

And when it comes to disability, we’re still learning about a lot of them. Can anyone claim “I know I know” completely about any disability? Certainly not any abled bodied person. I know I don’t know how it’s like to live as an autistic person of color, because I’m not a person of color. I try to amplify their voices by sharing their stories but I can always do better. The autistic community can be doing a lot better when it comes to how we deal with autism intersections with race, gender identity, sexual orientation, religion, class, and also intra-community issues and inter-community issues with other disabilities.

The important thing of “I know I know” is also acknowledging “I know I don’t know”

If you’re curious about the other three steps about what the heck I’m talking about, I may make a post about it tomorrow. It’s getting late and I just wanted to push this out of my mind.

  • gay people: you can't call historical figures bisexual it's anachronistic and we don't know if they'd actually identify as that.
  • gay people: calls historical figures gay even though (a) no one from that time period thought homosexuality was an orientation and (b) they never identified themselves as gay
  • gay people: please don't headcanon gay characters as bi uwu gay erasure!!!
  • gay people: *sees actual canon bisexual*
  • bi people: hoe don't do it
  • gay people: lesbian! gay representation!
  • bi people: oh my god...

anonymous asked:

I just had a eureka moment when looking at your recent reblog of a post on how "love wins/love is love" can be kind of alienating... As an aro ace, the whole "love" angle is definitely implicitly exclusionary. The core of my being aro ace is that I DON'T love anyone That Way, and community rhetoric consistently fails to reflect that. Not to mention that I find the "twoo wuv" thing eye-roll-inducing at times. Your thoughts?

( re: this post )

i agree that in addition to ignoring, excluding and / or alienating trans and non-binary people, as pointed out in the OP, such rhetoric also  ignores, excludes and alienates those for whom “love” (be it in the traditional, romantic sense or at all) is not a thing– or at least, is not The Thing that defines their connection to the LGBTQIA community. such rhetoric posits love as some kind of universal, inherently humane experience that people in the LGBTQIA community share with those who are not part of the community and that that commonality is unstopable and the thing that what warrants our acceptance.

it is an appeal to humanity that neglects and subsequently undermines the humanity of people for whom such an appeal is laced with the very same ammunition that society uses to reject their humanity or existence on a daily basis.

yeah, “love is love” and other such rhetoric is incredibly frustrating…

anonymous asked:

I take issue with the post saying that "I'm not Mexican" shouldn't be the first thing coming out of my mouth. Identity is extremely important and I will not sacrifice it.

Look, you’re misunderstanding the post.

If someone insults you by comparing you to a Mexican, and you respond by saying that you aren’t Mexican, that implies that whatever negative thing that is being implied about Mexicans is true about Mexicans, but not true about you, a non-Mexican. Essentially, you are defending yourself by saying that you aren’t a part of the group that is lazy/dirty/lesser. Mexicans are not lazy/dirty/lesser/whatever other insult and distancing yourself from us before defending our humanity is not solidarity.

-queercomrade

no reblogs on this hot take but sometimes it feels like every time someone wants to talk about the problems in the “lgbt community” they then literally only talk about how lesbians are biphobic and rude and then like. nothing else. like at least be transparent that you’re overwhelmingly singling out lesbians as this ‘problematic group’ rather than faking a concern about lgbt intercommunity issues as a whole.

gay people: justify coming out as bi first bc of compulsory heterosexuality and self-hatred and then use their experiences of biphobia from when they were out as bi as examples of why biphobia isn’t as bad as homophobia

gay people: omfg you bi people can’t call yourself gay! if you’re confused just call yourself straight until you know for sure. holy fuck you’re contributing to our erasure and oppression

Avoiding a Colorist Narrative: Dark-Skinned Servant and a Cruel Queen

Hi! First off, I love your blog and I use it a lot for different characters of color (I’m African American). I’m writing a book about a girl who was royalty when she was a baby, but another kingdom took over, and now she’s a servant to the daughter of the kingdom that took over, who is the queen. In this story, most of the characters are black, including the queen, the real princess, and a prince. The queen is a little lighter than the real princess, but she (the queen) is still a reddish brown. The princess is darker skinned, but again, she’s a servant. There’s a prince in the story too, who is also lighter than the princess, but he still isn’t actually light skinned. I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that this is subtle color-ism. The queen and the prince aren’t as dark as the princess, and the princess is hated by the queen the most out of all the other servants she has. So, since the real princess is a servant to a lighter skinned woman, and a prince is also lighter than the princess, while she is hated the most to that queen, is this, to some degree, color-ism?

Additionally: The real princess has a friend, who’s also a servant, but that friend is actually light skinned and the queen is nice, in a way, to her. That friend is a kiss up, but regardless–is this color-ism, as well as the other factors about all three of these characters (the prince, the queen and the friend), and the princess being hated the most by the queen? 

Your plot reminds me of Goose Girl, which is originally a Grimm fairytale (though i’ve only read the retelling by Shannon Hale). I loved that story, and this could definitely be interesting. However, your current set-up could come across as colorism if the dark-skinned girl is the only one mistreated, not to mention she’s in servitude.

Why does the queen hate your dark-skinned character? You could disprove the Queen’s hatred for her is because she’s dark-skinned, but you’re not helping rid of that implication when she’s being kind to the light-skinned servant, no matter how much of a suck-up she is.

I’d say either discuss the colorism issues or don’t make it an issue.

When it comes to reducing the issue:

The most important part of this is to show the queen’s hatred is not because the girl is dark-skinned. Internalized colorism is real and as i’m sure you know is a real problem in the Black community, so the queen being “brown-skinned” vs. “Dark-skinned” is a notable distinction here. Sure, the queen is technically dark, but in juxtaposition to someone darker, she becomes the “lighter-skinned” one and that is in itself a power/privilege dynamic.

More ways to remove the colorist aspects of the story:

  • Put dark-skinned people in power (so not all dark-skinned people are servants) particularly women.
  • Have the queen befriend/not be horrible to ever girl with dark-skin (having her only hate a dark-skinned girl is an uncomfortable narrative)
  • And/or have her direct her hate to light-skinned people as well. If she just happens to be mean in general, and that meanness is directed to people of all shades, that helps this feel less like you’re isolating the dark-skinned girl.

Also, please give this dark-skinned girl nice things. Dark-skinned girls deserve happy endings (and things in the middle) even it’s not all sweet.

~Mod Colette

You’re in a very precarious place with the dynamics you’ve set up, in such a way it might actually be difficult to execute Colette’s suggestions. Right now, you’ve set up a colonizer/colonized dynamic, and a lot of those situations, historically, have two groups be about the same skin tone internally but rarely do they have a mirror in the other population. Not to mention, colonizers tend to be mean to everyone in the conquered group unless the now-marginalized identity assimilates.

So you’ve got to be careful to not set up a situation of “you’re not like others in the marginalized group who are bad” and having people who assimilate for survival be treated terribly. There is the potential to always have these colourist lines in those regards.

On top of this, colourism is historically tied to classism, so if you have a reddish-brown queen, there’s a strong likelihood the rest of the ruling class will be lighter skinned, as well (along with the nobility in the conquered people being darker). You can change this— and, if you want to avoid colourism, you should— but you have to be really cautious about where you put the light/dark skinned people. 

You also have to be cautious about possible cross-over and assimilation, where darker skinned people “rise in the ranks” but potentially at the cost of their identity— watch the scorn they get for changing, and watch how they’re still treated as “lesser” even after assimilating. Both of these things happen in real life, and while it’s accurate, it’s also a little heartbreaking and often not handled with the nuance required. Assimilation is often done for survival, and it’s not a “get out of jail free” card for escaping prejudice. 

Not to mention, all of this can easily play out as xenophobia— fear of the different. Even if you balance out the skin tones so there are light and dark people on both sides, the queen being mean to her servants (especially if other nobles are like her) comes across very strongly as xenophobia. In order to mitigate this, having the queen be mean to everyone is probably the lesser of two evils. It can be helped by having others on the queen’s country be less hateful towards the conquered culture, but even then, be careful of appropriation and in-universe fetishizing.

Basically, look up colonizer dynamics along the lines of racism, xenophobia, appropriation, and colourism. Because you’ve potentially got all of them, here, depending on how you play your cards. You can either mitigate it or address it subtly, because it might actually be impossible to mitigate. Only you can make that call, but you have to know what, exactly, you’re dealing with before you can.

~ Mod Lesya

in my last year of being a mod here i’ve learned a lot and i’ve gone through a lot of different conflicts and made mistakes and corrected those mistakes and i’ve been reflecting a lot on that, especially with regards to the recent conflicts surrounding various intra-community issues

there’s a lot of ideology, most recently regarding the jewish and queer communities here on tumblr, that I have issues with. I continue to have opinions that conflict with the dominant opinions within these respective communities. 

however, the place that these discussions belong is within their respective communities. Too many of these discussions have such potential to hurt oppressed people if (and on a forum this large, it’s really when) these discussions are seen by outsiders who do not acknowledge the pain and dignity of these people. 

I understand that in this position of power as a mod of SRCKS I have a responsibility to protect marginalized peoples. In a place this public, I cannot let my (valid) personal hurt and anger keep me from remembering who i’m writing for. much of our audience has only just started learning about oppression, many others lack the lived experience to understand it, and some(many) harbor active bigotry. 

I don’t want to put people in harm’s way. Even if they have power over me. Even if they make my community’s space unsafe for me. I don’t want to give antisemites and bi/queerphobes any more things that they can twist to hurt people.

discussions about intra-community issues belong intra-community. not here where 41,000 other people can indiscriminately invade the conversations, manipulate the arguments, and deny the humanity of the subjects in question.

i care deeply about all jews and queer people. I don’t want to give people an outlet to hurt them. I believe that this can be done without denying people with intersecting oppressions a voice.

I want to make a shift in how I approach this. 

I’m going to make some posts in the near future explaining how outsiders should best interact with these intra-community conflicts. I think it is essential to emphasize the validity of the personhood and pain of these marginalized peoples when presenting these issues to outsiders.

There is a space for my hurt, rejection, anger, frustration related to these inter-community issues. But I don’t think it does much good on a forum this large where most of the people listening do not belong to that community. i continue to stand by the opinions that i’ve previously expressed here, but i’ve come to realize that this isn’t the right place to express it. 

-queercomrade

“I’m asexual, and...” Addendum

I want to be clear about something. In this post about “I’m asexual, and…,” I am not talking about a one time event where people express their “and.” I have nothing against people doing that, and I’m happy to see people expressing that right away. However, the main goal is to incorporate this idea into your daily life and in your approach to important topics in the community. Not a one and done deal. It doesn’t have to be explicitly spoken. You don’t have to prove to me personally that you’re doing it. 

I just want people to be more honest. To stop throwing people under the bus. To stop dividing us into good asexual and bad asexual. To acknowledge where they are privileged and where they are not. To understand where our community overlaps with others and when it does not. To know when it is appropriate to defend yourself and when it is not. To learn our history. To mend the current discourse and reform the community into a safer and more productive place. 

I am not asking you to share with me in a single moment the details of your life. I am asking you to think about who you are, and how you truly fit into the world so that you may be a better part of it. I have seen a lot of ugliness amongst us. Acts of exclusion. Acts of erasure. Acts of division. Acts of gross misconception. Acts of inter- and intra-community violence. I know that this has not just happened among us, but to us as well. We must be able to move away from that, if we want to truly challenge anti-asexual discourse. 

Intercommunity issues are really important to talk about but as soon as you try to say “Hey bi people, saying x is actually pretty homophobic” you’re automatically written off as being biphobic. Voice your discomfort with asexuals being homophobic? You’re an aphobe. You want to talk about parts of lesbian culture that are transphobic? You’re a lesbophobe.

People on this website just want to twist reality to make sure they always look like they have the moral high ground and refuse to listen to any form of criticism and it’s so exhausting.

to be clear, many of u seem to be under the impression that i am a hateful biphobic lesbian
.
.

im literally bisexual. like. my icon is the bi pride flag. where is the confusion? or do you just assume that all bi ppl should automatically side w inclusionists? like you use bi ppl to be like “SEE? the gays are HORRIBLE and hate us!!!” but the minute a bi person is like “wait i don’t want cishets in the community, where i am supposed to be SAFE from cishets” y'all turn around and call them a hateful awful sexual. listen i know y'all aceys hate bi ppl and lesbians, but really??
that being said, bi people aren’t your pawns. stop manipulating us by being like “see? they hate us just like they hate you!” intercommunity issues aren’t yours to comment on and using biphobic sentiment to turn bi ppl against gay ppl is so awful and horrible and shitty!!!