Okay…I was just scrolling on tumblr and I saw a post that said “Love is a feeling, not a decision.” And my immediate response was, “Um..that’s false.” But when I clicked on the comments, people were agreeing that love is in fact a feeling and not a decision, so I would just like to throw this unpopular opinion out there.
Love is a feeling for about a month, and a decision for the rest of your life.
If love was just a feeling, divorce would never happen, it would be strong enough to sustain relationships. You’d fall for every guy who whispered sweet nothings, who’s taller than you and has a nice smile.
Love is not something that you feel. You FEEL euphoria, you FEEL joy, you FEEL excitement. You CHOOSE love. After the excitement wears off and you realize you don’t like the way she/he chews, or you don’t like that he swears a lot or whatever other little thing they might do that gets under your skin, you have to CHOOSE that you still want to be with this person in spite of their quirks.
Hollywood has fed us this idea that those feelings of joy and excitement are all that love is. And that some big dramatic event happens that ends in tears and a loving embrace is true love. But that’s not life! When those big dramatic events happen, you usually want to die. Or you want to be alone. Or you question your relationship. Love is not “Oh I feel good around this person so I must love them!” No no my friends, love is the grunt work. It’s staying together in the valleys so you can get the peaks, can I get an Amen?!
This idea that love is just a feeling is why relationships aren’t lasting. Why we all give up so easily. Because if we don’t FEEL it anymore, then it must not exist. If we don’t FEEL it, then it must be over. This rhetoric is killing lasting relationship which is what many of us want and desire.
Now I’m not saying that you should have no emotions with the guy or girl you’re with. You should feel happiness and sparks and all that jazz, but just know that that is not all that love is. And when sh*t hits the fan, it’s not the sparks that will keep your relationship afloat.
This, of course, it my personal opinion.. what do you guys think?
I know. No one EVER says that. But wait I’ll explain.
I started dating when I was 18 years old. I had my first kiss at 18, my first boyfriend at 18, my first love at 18. I thought he was the end all be all. I thought we’d be together forever. But after three years of dating long distance and argument after argument.. it ended. And my fairytale came to an end. I haven’t dated anyone seriously since then. I’ve gone out on countless dates, through dating apps or otherwise, and even had a “boyfriend” for about two months somewhere in there. I also dated an older guy (as some of you will recall). And even though it didn’t work out and hasn’t worked out with any of these guys since my first relationship, I couldn’t be happier or more grateful for the experiences I’ve had.
You see, when I was 18, I was ready to settle down. I thought, “well this is it!” I had my house, backyard, wedding dress and anything else I could need for my future right there on my Pinterest board. But as I got older and my eyes started opening to the world around me, I became curious about what else was out there. I wanted to travel, I wanted to have whirlwind summer romances, I wanted to live abroad. So many things I wanted to do, that I knew I couldn’t do if I was tied down. I’ve always had a free spirit. So when things in my relationship started going south, I knew it was time to let go and start living the life I’d dreamed when I was younger.
Since then I’ve road tripped through California, traveled to Australia, taught dance for an entire summer in beautiful Lake Tahoe, and now I’m going on a mission trip to Honduras. I also signed with two talent agencies and booked roles on two different web series’. I don’t think I would’ve done any of this without being single! My mind would’ve been in a completely different place. It would’ve been on weddings, on trips with my significant other, on making sure they are happy and cared for. I wouldn’t have had the freedom to do the incredible things I’ve done, had I had to worry about the opinion of my significant other.
See, being single isn’t about searching for someone to complete you. It’s not a “when I find THE ONE I’ll accomplish all the things I want to accomplish.” Or “when I get a boyfriend, I’ll suddenly be the perfect version of myself!” No, being single allows you the time to work on yourself. To grow to love yourself truly and purely. To grow in religious faith. To foster new friendships, and sustain old ones. To grow in your career. To grow in virtue.
Trust me, I know this isn’t easy! I struggle with this every day. When I go out on a date and automatically picture a future with that person, even if I barely like them. When I’m dating a guy for a while and continue to do things with them even though I know I don’t really love them and can’t see myself loving them. But I’m just happy to have someone or I’m afraid to be alone. I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself that being single right now is the biggest blessing I could receive. Because 1) it’s one day closer to finding someone who IS right for me and 2) I’m able to do some amazing things with my friends without worrying about anyone but myself! And maybe that sounds selfish, but one day, I will have a husband and kids who I will be more than willing and even excited to cater to and do things for, but until then, I’m going to enjoy this amazing time of single hood and I encourage all you other single ladies to do the same.
1. Black women and White men
2. Asian women and Black men
3. White women and Hispanic men
4. Hispanic women and Asian men
5. Literally any other that exist. Because love across racial barriers is beautiful.