instrumental majors

classical music hoe aesthetic

- cries over the sound of a really good chord

- doodles treble clefs all over everything

- giggles when violinists say ‘f-holes’

- brings up music in every single conversation

- emotionally attached to people that have been dead for 200 years

- points out whenever their instrument plays in the soundtrack when watching a movie (as a result, no one wants to watch movies with them)

- develops a crush on anyone who is really talented

- gets a dreamy look on the face when Tchaikovsky is played

-spends 300 dollars on a mouthpiece

- goes to everyone’s recitals for the free food

- will get in a fistfight over funding for the arts

So I was looking at this booklet/CD set thing an old band director gave me. It’s a “history of music” type thing. For the most part, it’s pretty good information and would be a nice introductory material for a music appreciation course or something.

Then I got to this page…

Seems pretty legit, right??? But wait…

wft is this shit? seriously? THAT IS NOT A “BASS CLARINET” IT IS A SOPRANO SAXOPHONE WHAT THE HELL

wait wait aRE THOSE TIMPANI MAdE OF WOOD OR SOME SHIT???

is… is that from a drum set??!??? ugh…

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!! THAT IS NOT A FUCKING TUBA YOU IGNORANT FERRET

and what about the fucking “contrabassoon”? NO. NO. THAT IS A GOD DAMN BASS FLUTE YOU INSUFFERABLE TOMATO

This is ridiculous. Who the hell let this through to be published?! What absolute spleen weasel of an editor was drinking vodka and turtle piss when this came to their desk?

I’M LAUGHING VERY HARD BUT I’M ALSO VERY UPSET

A Year of Progress Challenge

ATTENTION ALL MUSIC LOVERS:

I present to you the Year of Progress Music Challenge

The rules are simple:

  • If you play an instrument
    • Find a song and sight read it
    • Record your self
    • Remember the day you played it
    • Then, every month on that day play it again and record it (you can practice it prior to the recording)
    • After you do that for a whole year (12 videos/recordings) Post it to the internet with the tag #ayearofprogressmusicchallenge
    • Watch/Listen to it and be amazed with how much you’ve improved
  • If you write music
    • Create a piece’
    • Call it “A Year of Progress” or anything you want
    • Divide it into 12 movements
    • Write one movement each month
    • NO EDITING PAST MONTHS MOVEMENTS
    • After you write all 12 movements post it online with the tag  #ayearofprogressmusicchallenge
      • (I use Musescore to post music)
    • Listen to it and be amazed with how much you’ve improved

THIS IS A GREAT WAY TO SEE HOW MUCH YOU’VE IMPROVED!

I DARE ALL MY FOLLOWERS TO DO THIS

30 Things Said By Musicians Preparing Recitals
  1. “Does this instrument make me look fat?”
  2. “What do you mean we can’t move the pianos out of the practice room??”
  3. “I’m considering buying a cot and just setting it up under the stairs so I don’t have to leave the building.”
  4. *crying because the vending machine filled with Starbucks isn’t working*
  5. “I will trade my firstborn for that cookie.” “Wouldn’t your wife object?” “She’s a teacher she can just steal a new one.”
  6. *bribing their accompanist with coffee in exchange for upping the tempo*
  7. “So I almost broke the pedal board on the grand trying to practice, so I went home and screamed into a pillow instead.”
  8. *oboist crying because their professor knocked over a concert reed*
  9. *vocalist actively swearing because their significant other has strep*
  10. “If you touch my bass, I will kill you and hide the body in its case.”
  11. “Is wine bad for your embouchure?”
  12. ‘My larynx feels like a pogo stick after this song, I think I need to take a day off.”
  13. “I will be you slave for all of next semester for half a slice of that pizza.”
  14. *happy crying because they finished memorizing 90% of their repertoire*
  15. “Three of my classes today were cancelled, it was great!” “What did you do?” “I, uh, practiced an extra two hours and ate lunch for the first time this week.”
  16. *yodeling because their professor said it might help*
  17. “I should just take up a super rare instrument, then virtuosic performance would be waaaaay easier.”
  18. “Were you playing a kazoo in the practice rooms?” “SHUT UP IT HELPS.”
  19. “I drank caffeinated tea today and I could feel the entire vocal faculty judging me.”
  20. *tells a freshman on New Student audition day that heard them practice that yeah, they were totally auditioning into the program later*
  21. “Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I’ve cried in my lesson the past three weeks?”
  22. “Is it a good thing or a bad thing that my teacher cried in my lesson yesterday?”
  23. “****ing Brahms.”
  24. “**** TRILLS.”
  25. “I’ve taken some business courses, opening a coffee shop in Maine is TOTALLY a viable career path.”
  26. “Are those pajamas you’re wearing?” “I call it ‘Musician Chic,’ and it’s what happens when you have to choose between food and getting your favorite practice room in the morning.”
  27. “How is designing a poster SO HARD.”
  28. “Do you think my professor would notice if I submitted last year’s program for this recital, too?”
  29. “I fell asleep on the piano so I decided it was time to go to the lounge to sleep instead.”
  30. “You should all totally come to my recital, I think it’s going to be amazing! :) :) :)”
First Chair Stereotypes
  • Flute:Ambitious, would be willing to actually fight people to keep their chair.
  • Piccolo:Scared the competition away with high notes that may or may not have been in tune.
  • Alto flute:They just want to be cool.
  • Oboe:Rarely messes up, but if they do, they blame it on their reed
  • Clarinet:Hard worker, literally gave up eating for a week to practice
  • Bass Clarinet:Doesn't give a single fuck but ends up first chair anyway. If they borrow their instrument, they will use their first chair status to claim the best instrument for themselves.
  • Bassoon:Doesn't give the tiniest of fucks (unless they lost their strap)
  • Trumpet:Their ego is superior, and they have the skills to full that ego. They play extremely high notes to assert dominance.
  • Trombone:Very chill, until someone gets close to stealing their chair, which they will protect with their life.
  • French horn:Extremely skilled players, and they are always willing to share their good playing technique with their section.
  • Euphonium:They make it seem effortless, but they put in a lot of time and effort behind closed doors.
  • Tuba:Dominant because they can play notes that are faster than quarter notes
  • Percussion:The only person that keeps the entire section from descending into pure chaos.
  • Violin I:Probably murdered at least two people on the way to the top.
  • Violin II:Stares at the first chair for violin I and whispers "soon" under their breath
  • Viola:Does not give a single fuck (except all the time)
  • Cello:Literally a god among us mortals
  • Bass:Chill, goes with the flow
The Instruments As Shit My Band Members Pulled On The Disney Trip
  • piccolos:ate a flower off a bush in the line for splash mountain on a dare
  • flutes:pretended little sister was invisible for entire week
  • clarinets:got separated from girlfriend on bus for pda...ten minutes into the trip
  • saxophones:put hands up on space mountain despite warnings and smashed them on a beam
  • trumpets:overslept and had to be picked up at house the morning we left
  • mellophones:pet a pelican on beach and got bitten, continued to attempt to pet random birds the rest of the week
  • trombones:started sobbing hysterically at the end of back to the future
  • baritones:tried to bring a pair of pliers into the parks, got them through animal kingdom but they got taken away at epcot
  • tubas:found a coconut lying on the beach, then smashed it open and ate it
  • pit percussion:brought a logging chain on the bus and pulled it out to slam it on the seats as accompaniment to the songs in movies
  • drum line:reached back to hold girlfriend's hand on splash mountain but grabbed the chaperone's instead...and didn't notice for almost five minutes
  • color guard:left out the emergency door of a mcdonald's which summoned the police and set off the alarm
  • drum majors:climbed up into luggage compartment of bus and crawled down it through everyone's carry on bags