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okay what in the actual FUCK this is so cool

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St. Vincent’s Annie Clark has designed a new guitar to better fit women’s bodies

In collaboration with Ernie Ball Music Man guitars, Annie Clark is set to release a new signature guitar. She’ll become one of just a handful of women who have their own signature guitars. But in a historic first, Clark has designed this new guitar entirely from scratch with features specifically built for women.

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30 Things Said By Musicians Preparing Recitals
  1. “Does this instrument make me look fat?”
  2. “What do you mean we can’t move the pianos out of the practice room??”
  3. “I’m considering buying a cot and just setting it up under the stairs so I don’t have to leave the building.”
  4. *crying because the vending machine filled with Starbucks isn’t working*
  5. “I will trade my firstborn for that cookie.” “Wouldn’t your wife object?” “She’s a teacher she can just steal a new one.”
  6. *bribing their accompanist with coffee in exchange for upping the tempo*
  7. “So I almost broke the pedal board on the grand trying to practice, so I went home and screamed into a pillow instead.”
  8. *oboist crying because their professor knocked over a concert reed*
  9. *vocalist actively swearing because their significant other has strep*
  10. “If you touch my bass, I will kill you and hide the body in its case.”
  11. “Is wine bad for your embouchure?”
  12. ‘My larynx feels like a pogo stick after this song, I think I need to take a day off.”
  13. “I will be you slave for all of next semester for half a slice of that pizza.”
  14. *happy crying because they finished memorizing 90% of their repertoire*
  15. “Three of my classes today were cancelled, it was great!” “What did you do?” “I, uh, practiced an extra two hours and ate lunch for the first time this week.”
  16. *yodeling because their professor said it might help*
  17. “I should just take up a super rare instrument, then virtuosic performance would be waaaaay easier.”
  18. “Were you playing a kazoo in the practice rooms?” “SHUT UP IT HELPS.”
  19. “I drank caffeinated tea today and I could feel the entire vocal faculty judging me.”
  20. *tells a freshman on New Student audition day that heard them practice that yeah, they were totally auditioning into the program later*
  21. “Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I’ve cried in my lesson the past three weeks?”
  22. “Is it a good thing or a bad thing that my teacher cried in my lesson yesterday?”
  23. “****ing Brahms.”
  24. “**** TRILLS.”
  25. “I’ve taken some business courses, opening a coffee shop in Maine is TOTALLY a viable career path.”
  26. “Are those pajamas you’re wearing?” “I call it ‘Musician Chic,’ and it’s what happens when you have to choose between food and getting your favorite practice room in the morning.”
  27. “How is designing a poster SO HARD.”
  28. “Do you think my professor would notice if I submitted last year’s program for this recital, too?”
  29. “I fell asleep on the piano so I decided it was time to go to the lounge to sleep instead.”
  30. “You should all totally come to my recital, I think it’s going to be amazing! :) :) :)”
what the strings think during a concert
  • first violins:don't mess up don't get lost don't mess up don't mess up don't get lost don't mess up don't get lost don't mess up don't mess up don't mess up don't get lost don't mess up oh darn I just played a c sharp where there a c natural shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit
  • second violins:oh dear we're lost and now everyone is just playing quietly. maybe if the conductor actually FKCUING LOOKED AT US DURING REHEARSAL WE WOULDN'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM.
  • violas:if we just got up and left right now, would anyone notice? like, seriously. if we left one by one, starting from the last stand, would anyone notice? would anyone care? if they did notice, would they even try to stop us? I don't think so.
  • cellos:HI MOM okay this is serious business. um pah pah um pah pah um pah pah um pah pah. serious business. woah the conductor just pointed at us. what does that mean? does he want more cello? more um and less pah? probably that. UM pah pah UM pah pah UM pah pah. srs bsnss
  • bass:it's been five minutes and the conductor still hasn't noticed that I've been on my phone the entire time. six minutes. are any of us still playing? I guess it doesn't really matter, considering we always have the same part as the cellos anyway.