instructional guide

5

anonymous asked:

Do you have any tips on how to tell people apart from forty snakes in a trench coat?

We get this question a lot. Here’s a helpful guide for the many of us who would be considered a threat to homeland security without it.

Further questions can be asked through replies to this post, or by querying us directly.

Aaron’s Lizard Emporium™

How to Make an INTP

Now that your INTP Starter Kit has been successfully shipped (we apologize for the excessive shipping rates, your INTP can carry extreme emotional baggage if not handled properly), this instruction packet will guide you through the simple steps on how to assemble your INTP. Let’s do this!

Step One: After removing the harsh wit, werewolf blood, and kitten hair from the package, place them in the bowl with the Devil’s Chocolate Cake mix and stir until thoroughly combined. 

Step Two: Take your mixture and add precisely 10 ounces of any carbonated beverage of your choice. This will ensure that your INTP is well saturated with bubbly and toxic humor, but to inhale it through the nose will make you choke, cough, and possibly die. Please do not inhale the mixture. 

Step Three: Let the mixture rise in a room temperature place. A room too hot will make the mixture too warm (which could result in a grumpy INTP), a room too cold will result in a chill, also known as the Burrito Effect, which will permanently make your INTP wrap themselves in a blanket burrito and never leave that position. Ever.

Step Four: Once your INTP is fully risen (it will take about seventeen years), sprinkle the top with wi-fi. They love wi-fi, and will only bloom properly if given the w-fi. Don’t skip the wi-fi. 

Step Five: Stand back and watch your INTP rise from the the batter. If you have prepared it correctly, the INTP will come out pale and usually ginger. If this is not the desired INTP, go back to Step Two and only add seven ounces of carbonated beverage, which will probably result in a brown-haired INTP. 

Enjoy your INTP, and don’t forget to emotionally arm yourself for the witty comebacks and excessive sarcastic humor that they might go a little too far with. 

Serial Killer AU (End 2)

And here is the other ending. Pick your fave.

Part 1 | Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5| End 1|


“Don’t keep him too much, it may affect him negatively.” the nurse instructed while guiding her to the right door.

Marinette nodded, her gripping maybe a little too strongly onto the macarons box she was holding. Once the nurse left, she opened the door. The room was simple. Cream orange walls, a twin bed with white sheets and one pillow she recognized as the one she made. Cat shaped. A small table covered with papers and books. And a blond man standing by the window, the sun of the afternoon making his hair shine like gold. His green eyes shifted as he heard someone entered the room.

“Hello, Adrien.” Marinette said with a smile, closing the door behind her. She giggled as Adrien rushed to her side, pulling her into a tight hug.

“Minou, you are squishing the macarons I brought you.” Marinette scolded, but still hugged him back.

“I don’t care. I missed you.” he said, finally letting her go.

“It had been a week.” she said guiding him towards the bed so they both could sit.

“Still, I missed you.” Adrien sighed, before giving her that dazzling smile and looking at her with that one look that made her fall in love with him in the first place, back in a rainy day when they were fifteen. The conversation went as always, a small chat, some information from the outside world. And then they moved onto one certain topic she knew Adrien was interested in.

“The department is finally up and running. With all the backlash in the media and the trials at ECHR, it was decided a department to check the strings some people may pull to escape and so on. And you are looking at the new boss.”

Adrien smiled proudly at her. If there was anyone who would take care no low scum like the one he’d been hunting would escape punishment, it was Marinette. “I’m very happy to hear this.”

Marinette gave him a pointed look, before running a hand through his hair. “Something is bothering you still.”

Adrien sighed. “Marinette, I love you with all my heart and I know what you are capable of. But there will be always some that may escape you. Not only here, but all over the world. You can’t get them all. That’s why that… group I was part of was founded. To finish off people like that, who don’t deserve to be called people.” Marinette took his hands in hers, squeezing them tightly. “You… you don’t think I’m mad, do you?”

Marinette snorted. “Of course not, silly cat. But better two years in here than a lifetime in prison. I know what you did was right, but I also knew it took a toll on you. You needed this help, minou.” she explained while stroking his cheek. Adrien took her hand and kissed her palm, holding it against his cheek.

“You don’t have to wait for me.” he stated what he hoped was obvious. “I’m serious, if you… ”

Marinette only rolled her eyes. “If I find someone I should go for it, yes, yes. Don’t worry about that. And let me make one thing clear. You were my best friend before you became the love of my life. I’d still wait for you, no matter what.”

Adrien melted. Dieu, this woman was heaven sent. he did nothing to deserve her. Seeing the look in his eyes, Marinette pulled him gently into a slow kiss hoping to make up for the lost time as much as she could with this simple gesture.

“I think I have to go.” Marinette declared after they finished the kiss. “I don’t want to get you in trouble.” Adrien nuzzled her cheek one more time, before letting go of her. “ I hope you’ll enjoy the macarons. Oh, and by the way, Mecha Strike Seven is out. I’ll keep it for when you will be out as well.” Marinette winked at him before getting up.

Adrien smiled once he heard that. That was a very Marinette gesture. As she approached the door, she turned back to him, sending him a flying kiss. “See you next week, mon chaton.”

Adrien nodded, grabbing the flying kiss in his fist, then putting it against his heart.

“Goodbye, my love.”

22 Things Only People Who Suck At Cooking Would Understand
  • 1. You have literally no idea what to bring when you get invited to a potluck dinner.

    2. Your freezers are always stuffed with frozen dinners.

    3. And the only thing in your fridge is takeout leftovers and alcohol.

    4. That’s because your three main food groups are cereal, sandwiches, and noodles you can cook in a microwave.

    5. You sometimes buy fresh produce out of guilt, and then guiltily watch as it all expires in your fridge.

    6. If you cannot cook it in the microwave, you are probably not going to cook it.

    7. You’re a genius at putting things on the stove or in the oven and then completely forgetting about them.

    8. You actually hate frozen pizza, because it is all the stress of cooking with none of the convenience of ordering pizza.

    9. When you buy something frozen, and you realize it CAN’T be cooked in the microwave and must go in the oven, you feel like you have been tricked.

    10. Your smoke detectors are always covered with something.

    11. You will never admit this, but you do not really understand why some foods cook at 375 degrees, and some foods cook at 425 degrees.

    12. Everything you’ve ever made involving eggs has little bits of shell in it.

    13. You have accidentally melted at least one piece of plastic on your stove.

    14. You know better than to try and make anything off of Pinterest.

    15. No one ever assigns you anything to make for Thanksgiving.

    16. You honestly only know what half the things in your kitchen are used for.

    17. The only two spices you have any sort of ability with are salt and pepper.

    18. You get really annoyed with cookbooks and/or people who just tell you to “follow the recipe.”

    19. You never, ever remember to put cooking spray on the pan.

    20. Your kitchen is surprisingly clean… because you never actually use it to cook anything.

    21. When someone invites you over for dinner, you feel like you have been saved from a sinking ship.

    22. You talk to Grubhub and Seamless more than you talk to your own family.
Blame- Bucky Barnes- Part 9

Felt bad for not uploading in a while so here’s another part! Enjoy!

part-1

part-2

part-3

part-4

part-5

part-6

part-7

part-8

Originally posted by annutystan

You walked into the secluded area and saw a large metal object placed in the middle of the room.

“Here, put him in this.” You instructed them, helping them guide Bucky’s metal hand into the clamp, “Just in case he wakes up and isn’t himself.”

Steve and Sam walked away to check out the rest of the place. You stayed with Bucky, however on edge and at a safe distance. You could hear helicopters and sirens wailing in the city around you.

Bucky eventually came to, looking around confused. He attempted to move but then realised he couldn’t and that his arm was retained. He then found you. He looked up at you, with an expression which could only be described as a lost puppy. You didn’t want to scare him, so you moved towards him slowly. You figured it would be better if you spoke to him for a bit before calling out and making him more anxious with Steve and Sam

Keep reading

Christian Witches...

I’ve just been perusing through the Christian/Christianity tag and was really surprised and disappointed to see that a lot of it was about Christian witchcraft?  I didn’t know that was a thing…

But I think it needs to be said (and a lot until everyone gets it)…Christian witches is not okay!  Y’all can’t believe that God is okay with it.

I don’t mean this to be condemning or judging.  But I do believe that we, as Christians, can and should instruct and guide each other, just like we should confess our sins.

“Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom…” - Colossians 3:16

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness,” - 2 Timothy 3:16

It’s ‘God-breathed’, it’s from the Holy Spirit through man.  It isn’t the prophets or writers interpretations of what they saw, it is what they saw (“Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet’s own interpretation of things.  For prophecy ever had its origin in the human will, but prophets, though human, spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.” 2 Peter 1:20,21).  So we can trust that it’s right and true, God’s instructions and hope and love for us.

Many verses show God’s stance on the occult, practice of witchcraft, divination, and communing with the dead.

  • “Do not turn to mediums or seek out spiritists, for you will be defiled by them.  I am the Lord your God.” - Leviticus 19:31
  • “‘I will set my face against anyone who turns to mediums and spiritists to prostitute themselves by following them, and I will cut them off from their people.’” - Leviticus 20:6
  • “Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead.  Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord your God,” - Deuteronomy 18:10-12

For those who think it’s okay to imitate the way the pagans worship because you’re not worshiping another god and you’re still worshiping God, just in a different way…

  • “You must not worship the Lord your God in their way, because in worshiping their gods, they do all kinds of detestable things the Lord hates.” - Deuteronomy 12:31

Look at what happens to Saul when he consults a medium in 1 Samuel 28.

  • “The Lord will deliver both Israel and you into the hands of the Philistines … The Lord will also give the army of Israel into the hands of the Philistines.” - 1 Samuel 28:19

Or to Manasseh, a king of Jerusalem, in 2 Kings 21:6 and 2 Chronicles 33:6.  Both verses say that Manasseh practiced divination, sought omens, and consulted mediums and spiritists.  “He did much evil in the eyes of the Lord, arousing his anger.”  It goes on to say, “Therefore this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I am going to bring such disaster on Jerusalem and Judah that the ears of everyone who hears of it will tingle,” (2 Kings 21:12).  It doesn’t end there either…it says that God will hand Manasseh over to his enemies because Manasseh had done evil in His eyes.

Ephesus was a city that was full of people practicing witchcraft and taking part in the occult.

  • “Many of those who believed now came and openly confessed what they had done.  A number who had practiced sorcery brought their scrolls together and burned them publicly.” - Acts 19:18,19

Isaiah 8:19 says, “When someone tells you to consult mediums and spiritists, who whisper and mutter, should not a people inquire of their God?  Why consult the dead on behalf of the living?

We have God’s Word to consult.  Between the covers of it, we have all the answers we could possibly need.

I’m not judging because I am not perfect.  I have sinned and will continue to sin.  I appreciate it when someone calls me out on something, especially if I don’t think it’s wrong.  It makes me question myself and remember that my ways are not His and how His ways are so much better for me.

“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone,” - John 8:7

I’m not throwing stones.  I’m trying to help like I hope others try to help me.

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.” - Galatians 6:1

But none of this means God doesn’t love you.  He loves everyone, no matter what they’ve done.  I don’t mean to say that.  There isn’t anything any of us can do to remove His love from us.

3

I made a MIMIC POCKET GUIDE

Inside is some basic mimic facts and your general tips and tricks to caring for your own mimic (some of which are repeated from here, but some are new!)

I will put the contents up online shortly, but I hope to color them first. 

(Disclaimer: these are just made up facts for a made up species I did not invent, but love dearly)

How To: Make Tarot Cards

Recently I have seen a lot of people discussing issues on affording a tarot deck or not liking the ones they see on store shelves. I have decided to make a little guide of instructions on how to make your own tarot card deck at home. I feel like crafting your own deck is more personal and gives more meaning to the cards.

Materials Needed:

  • Blank Card Stock Paper (avaliable at most craft stores)
  • Scissors
  • Tracing Paper (semi-clear)
  • Self-Laminating Paper
  • Pencil or Pen
  • Colored Pencils, Markers, or Other Coloring Material
  • A Well Lit Room

Keep reading

EXO(12) React to Planning Your Birthday

(THIS IS SO LATE I’M SO SORRY- BUT I FINALLY GOT THE TIME TO DO IT!)

Xiumin: He would be the type to want to plan something special and surprise you. Your special day would start with just the two of you together enjoying each other’s company when he would look at the time on his phone as if he were calculating something. “Hey, I just remembered I made dinner reservations for us.” He’d say nonchalantly and get up from where he was sitting. Without another word, he would usher you out the door. As you were reaching the destination, he would pull out a blindfold and cover your eyes. “No peaking,” he would instruct and guide you inside. Once you got inside you would be in for the surprise your life. You’d hear his footsteps leave your side and you’d slip the blindfold off your eyes. The entire restaurant would be rented out, holding all of your friends and family at the tables, and Xiumin would be in the center of it all, holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. “Happy Birthday, (y/n)!”

Originally posted by damnitsehun

Sehun: At first he wouldn’t be sure how to celebrate your birthday. He wouldn’t know what you usually did, so he would appoint his hyungs to ask you questions about what you wanted for your birthday, of course you would catch on rather quickly as to why the were asking but would go along with it anyways. On the day of your birthday he would have already prepared what you had mentioned, what would actually surprise you would be that it was EVERYTHING that you had mentioned. He would be sure that this birthday was the best one you’ve had yet. It would be just the two of you, and you wouldn’t want to spend your birthday any other way.  “Happy birthday, (y/n).” He’d say, and smile brightly before lighting the candles on your cake. 

Originally posted by xehun

Chanyeol: Like Xiumin, he’d want to plan something big for your birthday that involved your family. He would come up with a plan to fly your family into town months in advance without your knowledge, making for a birthday surprise you’d never see coming. On the day of your birthday he would invite you over to his dorm but little did you know that once you got there you’d be overwhelmed by the fantastic chaos that awaited you. You’d be surprised to find him standing outside waiting for you to arrive. “Well hello there birthday girl!” He’d say and give you a gigantic hug before leading you inside where your reaction would be captured on film so you could look back on this moment for years to come. There stood your family in the center of the room, smiling at you. “Happy birthday, (y/n).” Chanyeol would say with a warm smile.

Originally posted by takeachansoo

Baekhyun: “Happy birthday, jagi,” would be the first thing to come out of his mouth when he had arrived at your house to pick you up for his birthday date that he had planned. He’d want your big day to be like something out of a dream, and if he was able to successfully pull it off he would feel satisfied to know that he knew how to plan your day perfectly. Throughout the entire day he would throw in little surprises to keep you guessing as to what was coming next. The smile on your face would be worth the effort he had gone through for your birthday. His final trick up his sleeve would be the last place that you would visit that day, a fair. He’d pull out his phone and pull you close to his side, “smile,” he’d say and snap a picture while kissing your cheek.

Originally posted by wooyoung

Kai: Similarly to Sehun, at first he would be unsure of how to make your birthday special. I mean, he would know what you might like but he would want your day to be something that you LOVED. Initially he would want to surprise you but he would feel that his best option would actually be to just ask what you wanted. “Name anything you want, (y/n). It’s your special day and we will celebrate the way you want. Nothing is too much for you,” he’d say while grinning. On the day of your birthday, it would be exactly what he said it would be. It would be all about you and doing whatever you wanted, and he happily went along with it all. He loved seeing how much you were enjoying your special day. 

Originally posted by fy-kimkai

D.O:  He would try to make your birthday one to remember, but would want to keep it to just the two of you. He’d make sure to plan the entire day carefully, not wanting to leave out a single detail. He might even ask his hyungs for some advice on where to go if he got stumped with ideas. “I want you to remember this day for the rest of your life, jagi.” He’d say when he gave you the schedule for the day. “It’s just you and me for the entire day. You ready to get started?” He’d ask and grin at you, finding your shocked expression totally worth all the time he spent planning this day. He’d take you by the hand and walk you out to his car, more than ready to spend a day with you. He would be sure to take you to any and every place you had mentioned you had wanted to visit with him, making for a day that you could hardly forget, nor wanted to ever end.

Originally posted by veriloquentmind

Lay: He would want to spend the day with you, but would know that your family should also be a part of the celebration. He would want to keep it simple, as he thought that something crazy would be too much, but would still want to plan something that would be memorable. He would want you to be with the people you were closest to so he would end up inviting your family without your knowing. On the day of your birthday you would be surrounded by the people you loved most. “I hope that this is what you were wanting,” he’d say unsure of himself. “But I figured that you should be with those who are most important to you,” he’d explain and hand you a small bag with a few trinkets and treats inside. “Happy birthday, (y/n).” He’d say with a sincere tone in his voice.

Originally posted by xingtiste

Suho: He’d plan a surprise party with the help of the other members. Making sure that you had no idea what was happening, he would pull out all the stops. He’d pick out a bouquet of your favorite flowers, buy you a gigantic stash of your favorite sweets and snacks as well as numerous other presents. He’d also be sure to set up a camera that would capture your reaction once you walked through the door. With the help of the other members, the party would go on as planned and your reaction would be priceless. Once you saw all the gifts, decorations and smiling faces of your friends and family, you would know this was all thanks to Suho. He would appear by your side and smile, “Surprise,” he’d say smoothly and pull you into a hug.

Originally posted by kimchifever

Chen: Because this is Chen we are talking about, he would find your birthday to be the perfect day to pull a prank on you. At first he would act as though he had forgotten your birthday, treating the day like any other. Of course this would upset you but you wouldn’t say anything, hoping that he would realize just how important this day was to you. He would take you back to his dorm without leading on to the surprise that was in store for you. He’d walk in first and you’d follow quietly only to be bombarded with confetti and various familiar faces surrounding you.You’d see a flash and hear his laugh as he set the camera down. “I GOT YOU!” He’d say victoriously. “Happy birthday!” He’d stick out his tongue teasingly causing you to laugh.

Originally posted by illwonaire

Luhan: You would tell him that he would never be able to come up with something that would surprise you as you aren’t one to be surprised easily. Of course, that would only fuel his determination to come up with a present that would catch you completely off guard. “Don’t underestimate my power” he would warn. The day of your birthday would arrive and he would be right. He’d show up to your door holding airplane tickets, they were to the place that you had always wanted to visit, and the tickets were for that night. “Get packing we aren’t going to celebrate your birthday here.”He’d grin as he watched the shock in your eyes form.  “I told you I’d be able to pull it off,” he’d say happily and do a small victory dance. “Happy birthday, (y/n).”

Originally posted by yoonterlude

Kris: Knowing that family is extremely important, he would want you to be able to spend your birthday with yours. He knew that you already felt a little depressed because you didn’t think that you would be able to. However, you could never be more wrong. A couple days before your birthday arrived he would show up at your door holding a birthday card. “I know it’s a little bit early but you’ll see why in a moment.” He explained when he saw confusion wash over your face. You’d quickly tear open the envelope that held the card. Anxiously, you read the front of the card and then open it revealing two tickets with your hometown printed across them. Your eyes would grow huge and you’d look up at him to see him smiling, “let’s go.” He’d say, “I think there are people waiting to see you.”

Originally posted by beastdw

Tao: He would be more excited about your birthday than you would be. He’d excitedly plan your birthday party but would want you to have a say in what you wanted, after all, he’d figure that it was your special day so he would want you to be involved in the planning process. However, he wouldn’t let you be involved in choosing your gift… or should I say, gifts because he would go all out buying you all kinds of presents wanting to shower you with affection. “You’re the princess of the day, you make the rules and I’ll follow them.” He’d say and on the day of your birthday he would be up early preparing everything. “I hope this is everything you wanted.” He’d say when you had arrived and envelop you in a bear hug, “Happy birthday, princess.”

Originally posted by littlehailang

~*~*~*~

Sorry I kind of have sick brain so it might not be as good as what I usually do, but I wanted to finish this because you have no idea how long this was in my drafts. (I made it a little longer than usual cause y’all have been waiting a LONGGGG time for this.)

~BangtanBunnie <3

Another day. Another night spent in a jail cell. This was nothing new to Kris. He was used to being in trouble. At least now he had someone to bail him out of jail. Even though Caitlin was going to nag him about it. 

He tried to get into less trouble, but it was just so hard. Especially when it was pretty much all he really knew. He’s honestly been giving it his best attempt, but somehow trouble always seems to find him, even when he’s not looking for it. 

But he tried for Caitlin. Her dad was the police chief, and he was positive that he didn’t approve of her dating someone who he knew by first and last name. 

Kris looked up when an officer opened up the compact cell and called his name. He already knew the whole drill of getting processed out that the officer didn’t even need to guide or instruct him. Kris probably taught him a thing or two, actually. 

He stepped out, just rubbing the back of his neck when he saw Caitlin. He was happy to see her, but he already knew what was coming. “Hey,” he spoke quietly; not really knowing what to say, “Thanks for bailing me out?”

@hxyred ✦ 

Astrology PSA

Astrology is not the psychic map that you can hold onto tightly as it leads you through your entire existence. Astrology is not supposed to be used as an instruction manual, a guide to getting through life & love, or a hand to hold when you need to make a decision or take action. Astrology isn’t meant to control you or tell you what to do. Astrology is not the easy way out.

Astrobloggers on Tumblr are sent countless unanswerable questions laden with the false logic above; this post is for the people who don’t understand why we get annoyed when you come to us with rather ridiculous concepts we don’t have the key to solve. I don’t mean to be rude, I’m just a bit exhausted by you.

Astrology exists to help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself, the people around you, and the world we live in. It illustrates the places we started in and provides vague hints to where we’re going. It is a tool for self-discovery. It’s a tool, not an answer. There is no way for any one of us astrology bloggers to know or tell you about the future of your relationship. THERE IS NO WAY FOR US TO FIGURE OUT THE INNER THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS OF YOUR CRUSH, OR ANYONE YOU KNOW, OR EVEN YOU. Astrology doesn’t suddenly equip us with supernatural powers, and we don’t use our knowledge of it to dictate other people’s lives. We aren’t psychics. Astrology isn’t psychic.

The only thing astrology can do that is even somewhat relevant to the questions you ask us is forecast the energies that are about to affect us. IT DOES NOT PREDICT THE FUTURE IN ANY WAY. Astrologers who use the predictive aspects of the study are simply making guesses based on the movements of the planets and the numerology of the present moment. Horoscopes are not always accurate just like the weather channel is not always accurate. Nobody can predict the future. Astrological predictions are only helpful in hindsight, because you can see what events were influenced by which celestial movements. Many astrologers have confirmed that.

Please do not place the fate of your relationship, career, education, hobbies, or anything else in our hands. Don’t force us to make the decision for you when you don’t know what to do. That isn’t what astrology is meant for. What you’re supposed to do with astrology is look at yours or another person’s chart and learn about why they do what they do and how it is relevant to you, and make decisions or conscious efforts based on the truths you discover.

Please stop with the unanswerable questions.

Stage Makeup Help Needed!

Does anyone have any videos that they’d recommend for learning how to do stage makeup to age someone? I’m working on a production of In The Heights, and I’m apparently helping with makeup for Abuela Claudia, Kevin, and Camilla. The latter two just need to be slightly aged, but Abuela needs to be much older. I’ve found some things, but I know I won’t know how it looks until they’re on stage and under the lights.

I literally am doing this on Monday. I have a Ben Nye kit with lots of cream makeup in it, so that’s mostly what I have at my disposal. I’ve found a few instructional guides and videos online, but if anyone has a good, reliable source that they know would be helpful, I’d really appreciate it. Oh, and all of my actors are Hispanic and/or Latino to begin with, so darkening them isn’t an issue/concern, it’s just getting the appropriate age markers.

Any help is appreciated, theatre loves!