instructional guide

If you liked Netflix’s Stranger Things, here are some podcasts you might enjoy:
  • Welcome to Night Vale (the community news of a small city in the American Southwest where all conspiracy theories are true and a part of every day life; BONUS - canon interracial gay couple as the main couple)
  • The Message (70-year-old message from outer space, cryptology, things are not as they seem)
  • Limetown (everyone in small town disappears and no one knows what happened to them; follow an intrepid journalist as she investigates)
  • The Black Tapes (sister show to TANIS; demons, investigation into the unexplainable, asshole Alpha Skeptic, and the journalist who tries to sort this all out)
  • TANIS (sister show to The Black Tapes; conspiracy, truth, and the investigation of what Tanis really is, plus an “information specialist” named Meerkatnip)
  • Archive 81 (found footage audio series where nothing is quite as it seems and there’s a building that isn’t exactly right)
  • Alice Isn’t Dead (from the people behind WtNV, a truck driver tries to find her missing wife and she runs into a lot of conspiracies along the way)
  • Within the Wires (again, from the people who brought you WtNV, instructional audio guides that slowly reveal a personal story and the revelation that the world the podcast is set in is that great)
  • The Bright Session (imagine what it would be like if the X-Men went to therapy)
  • The Behemoth (a girl and her monster walk across America)
  • Wolf 359 (the absurd misadventures of a small band of eccentric characters on board the Hephaestus Station in orbit around the dwarf star, Wolf 359, where it’s all fun and games until it’s not and the Blessed Eternal just wants a night light)
5

anonymous asked:

Do you have any tips on how to tell people apart from forty snakes in a trench coat?

We get this question a lot. Here’s a helpful guide for the many of us who would be considered a threat to homeland security without it.

Further questions can be asked through replies to this post, or by querying us directly.

Aaron’s Lizard Emporium™

a couple of you people have asked to see the drawings we do in debriefings. since tony has all of them, i figured i’d just start a new one. so here’s steve, running for his life from the velociraptors that were in the park yesterday.

memevengers, i pass this along to you to add to. 

(instructions/drawing guide is under the readmore. )

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How to Make an INTP

Now that your INTP Starter Kit has been successfully shipped (we apologize for the excessive shipping rates, your INTP can carry extreme emotional baggage if not handled properly), this instruction packet will guide you through the simple steps on how to assemble your INTP. Let’s do this!

Step One: After removing the harsh wit, werewolf blood, and kitten hair from the package, place them in the bowl with the Devil’s Chocolate Cake mix and stir until thoroughly combined. 

Step Two: Take your mixture and add precisely 10 ounces of any carbonated beverage of your choice. This will ensure that your INTP is well saturated with bubbly and toxic humor, but to inhale it through the nose will make you choke, cough, and possibly die. Please do not inhale the mixture. 

Step Three: Let the mixture rise in a room temperature place. A room too hot will make the mixture too warm (which could result in a grumpy INTP), a room too cold will result in a chill, also known as the Burrito Effect, which will permanently make your INTP wrap themselves in a blanket burrito and never leave that position. Ever.

Step Four: Once your INTP is fully risen (it will take about seventeen years), sprinkle the top with wi-fi. They love wi-fi, and will only bloom properly if given the w-fi. Don’t skip the wi-fi. 

Step Five: Stand back and watch your INTP rise from the the batter. If you have prepared it correctly, the INTP will come out pale and usually ginger. If this is not the desired INTP, go back to Step Two and only add seven ounces of carbonated beverage, which will probably result in a brown-haired INTP. 

Enjoy your INTP, and don’t forget to emotionally arm yourself for the witty comebacks and excessive sarcastic humor that they might go a little too far with. 

Do you have trouble keeping your Tols’ and Smols’ proportions consistent?

Do you agonize over figuring out their exact height difference?

Have you ever wanted to know exactly how tol your Tol is??

Do you wish there were an easier way???

Download Grace’s Giant Height Calculator here!

All you need is a sketch of your tiny (it could even be a stick-figure) and an idea for their general size compared to your giant’s hand, face, or foot. The handy instructions will guide you through the rest!

Finding the instructions confusing? Just send me a message and I can guide you through it. You’ll be calculating heights in no time!

Are your giants on the shorter side? Here are special instructions for using the calculator to determine a mini-giant’s height:

  1. Complete steps 1 through 3 as above, but draw your character on the left instead. If the proportions of your giant are different from those on the left (more or less than 7.5 heads tall) draw your giant character as well with proper proportions, keeping your character’s head the same height as a head unit (☺).

  2. To find g, count how many ☺’s tall your shorter character is. You may need to write this as a decimal. Use as many significant figures as you want for accuracy.

  3. Solve the “Ratio” equation above to find how big your giant’s ☺ is.

  4. All you need to do next to find your giant’s height is multiply 7.5 by ☺. (If you drew your giant with different proportions, just use however many heads tall you drew them as)

Have fun!

Any calculations you find using this tool are yours to use however. No need to credit me for the math, the reference, or your final numbers unless you are redistributing the calculator itself, which you are free to do with proper credit. Thanks!

Serial Killer AU (End 2)

And here is the other ending. Pick your fave.

Part 1 | Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5| End 1|


“Don’t keep him too much, it may affect him negatively.” the nurse instructed while guiding her to the right door.

Marinette nodded, her gripping maybe a little too strongly onto the macarons box she was holding. Once the nurse left, she opened the door. The room was simple. Cream orange walls, a twin bed with white sheets and one pillow she recognized as the one she made. Cat shaped. A small table covered with papers and books. And a blond man standing by the window, the sun of the afternoon making his hair shine like gold. His green eyes shifted as he heard someone entered the room.

“Hello, Adrien.” Marinette said with a smile, closing the door behind her. She giggled as Adrien rushed to her side, pulling her into a tight hug.

“Minou, you are squishing the macarons I brought you.” Marinette scolded, but still hugged him back.

“I don’t care. I missed you.” he said, finally letting her go.

“It had been a week.” she said guiding him towards the bed so they both could sit.

“Still, I missed you.” Adrien sighed, before giving her that dazzling smile and looking at her with that one look that made her fall in love with him in the first place, back in a rainy day when they were fifteen. The conversation went as always, a small chat, some information from the outside world. And then they moved onto one certain topic she knew Adrien was interested in.

“The department is finally up and running. With all the backlash in the media and the trials at ECHR, it was decided a department to check the strings some people may pull to escape and so on. And you are looking at the new boss.”

Adrien smiled proudly at her. If there was anyone who would take care no low scum like the one he’d been hunting would escape punishment, it was Marinette. “I’m very happy to hear this.”

Marinette gave him a pointed look, before running a hand through his hair. “Something is bothering you still.”

Adrien sighed. “Marinette, I love you with all my heart and I know what you are capable of. But there will be always some that may escape you. Not only here, but all over the world. You can’t get them all. That’s why that… group I was part of was founded. To finish off people like that, who don’t deserve to be called people.” Marinette took his hands in hers, squeezing them tightly. “You… you don’t think I’m mad, do you?”

Marinette snorted. “Of course not, silly cat. But better two years in here than a lifetime in prison. I know what you did was right, but I also knew it took a toll on you. You needed this help, minou.” she explained while stroking his cheek. Adrien took her hand and kissed her palm, holding it against his cheek.

“You don’t have to wait for me.” he stated what he hoped was obvious. “I’m serious, if you… ”

Marinette only rolled her eyes. “If I find someone I should go for it, yes, yes. Don’t worry about that. And let me make one thing clear. You were my best friend before you became the love of my life. I’d still wait for you, no matter what.”

Adrien melted. Dieu, this woman was heaven sent. he did nothing to deserve her. Seeing the look in his eyes, Marinette pulled him gently into a slow kiss hoping to make up for the lost time as much as she could with this simple gesture.

“I think I have to go.” Marinette declared after they finished the kiss. “I don’t want to get you in trouble.” Adrien nuzzled her cheek one more time, before letting go of her. “ I hope you’ll enjoy the macarons. Oh, and by the way, Mecha Strike Seven is out. I’ll keep it for when you will be out as well.” Marinette winked at him before getting up.

Adrien smiled once he heard that. That was a very Marinette gesture. As she approached the door, she turned back to him, sending him a flying kiss. “See you next week, mon chaton.”

Adrien nodded, grabbing the flying kiss in his fist, then putting it against his heart.

“Goodbye, my love.”

22 Things Only People Who Suck At Cooking Would Understand
  • 1. You have literally no idea what to bring when you get invited to a potluck dinner.

    2. Your freezers are always stuffed with frozen dinners.

    3. And the only thing in your fridge is takeout leftovers and alcohol.

    4. That’s because your three main food groups are cereal, sandwiches, and noodles you can cook in a microwave.

    5. You sometimes buy fresh produce out of guilt, and then guiltily watch as it all expires in your fridge.

    6. If you cannot cook it in the microwave, you are probably not going to cook it.

    7. You’re a genius at putting things on the stove or in the oven and then completely forgetting about them.

    8. You actually hate frozen pizza, because it is all the stress of cooking with none of the convenience of ordering pizza.

    9. When you buy something frozen, and you realize it CAN’T be cooked in the microwave and must go in the oven, you feel like you have been tricked.

    10. Your smoke detectors are always covered with something.

    11. You will never admit this, but you do not really understand why some foods cook at 375 degrees, and some foods cook at 425 degrees.

    12. Everything you’ve ever made involving eggs has little bits of shell in it.

    13. You have accidentally melted at least one piece of plastic on your stove.

    14. You know better than to try and make anything off of Pinterest.

    15. No one ever assigns you anything to make for Thanksgiving.

    16. You honestly only know what half the things in your kitchen are used for.

    17. The only two spices you have any sort of ability with are salt and pepper.

    18. You get really annoyed with cookbooks and/or people who just tell you to “follow the recipe.”

    19. You never, ever remember to put cooking spray on the pan.

    20. Your kitchen is surprisingly clean… because you never actually use it to cook anything.

    21. When someone invites you over for dinner, you feel like you have been saved from a sinking ship.

    22. You talk to Grubhub and Seamless more than you talk to your own family.

Just tried to shame my mother for spending €60 on a cat brush, but she had the perfect counterargument: “Well, I know it’s a bit extravagant, but we didn’t get him anything for his birthday, poor thing.”   

3

My cloth pad pattern is now available! I’ve drafted this pattern especially for plus size undies, with a wider gusset and longer wings. There’s a regular length and a long length, and you can make a hidden or exposed core design.

It’s got in-depth instructions, fabric and absorbency guide, tips on washing your pads, and a bonus tutorial on making a single pad pouch.

Go forth and make your periods less horrible!

Dowsing and Waterwitching: The L-rod Method

Image Credit: Juniper Wildwalk (post author): BY-SA-NC Creative Commons

What is Dowsing?

In the worlds of witchcraft, one of the most widespread acts of magick that ancient peoples have developed is that of dowsing. Dowsing, also known as divining, is the act of using non-empirical or magickal methods to locate a hidden or unknown object. Arguably the most famous of these is dowsing for hidden water, often known as waterwitching.

Waterwitching is a simple enough skill to learn, but a very hard skill to master. There are many different methods that vary between cultures and traditions; the most popular method of waterwitching is the Y-rod method, where a Y-shaped stick of hazel wood is supported in the hands and will rotate impressively when you pass over a source of water. However, other methods are also used, such as the pendulum method, or my own personal favourite, the L-rod method, which is what I will be describing today.


What tools do I need to learn the L-rod method?

The most basic tool in the L-rod method of waterwitching is, of course, the rod itself. An L-rod is simply a long piece of moderately thick metal wire or thin solid metal tubing, bent into an L-shape. They’re used in pairs to locate water, and it’s best if the two rods are as close to identical as you can get them! The rods themselves can be constructed from a wide variety of items; personally, I often use a wire coat-hanger that I’ve bent into shape, then snapped off into two L-shaped rods using bolt-cutters. However, it’s also perfectly possible to use things like paperclips or bobby pins, which I’ve also used to great success in the past, and I’ve even heard of people making them out of the copper stripped from copper wires! I’ve never tried this method, but it’s certainly intriguing!

Other tools that can be used include thin tubes of bamboo, or biro pens with the ink-tube removed to make a hollow cylinder. These can be used as “holders” for your rods, making it easier to swing them. The method requires that the rods have full freedom to move as they desire, and so using a rod holder to separate them from your hands can prevent your skin making them “stick” - a very useful thing for a beginner!


Where did waterwitching come from?

The actual methods of waterwitching, no matter their derivations, are notoriously difficult to learn from words alone. Waterwitching is a very ancient art, that certainly predates written language and might even predate the Neolithic era, during which humans stopped being hunter-gatherers. It is one of the oldest forms of magick known to exist, and ancient cave paintings from over 8,000 years ago demonstrate people using early forms of dowsing and divining, including waterwitching. As such, they are mostly learnt by physically learning from a teacher, and so whilst I can try to help you with a guide and instructional booklet, I cannot teach you everything you need to know. Find a teacher, ask them to give you advice on becoming a waterwitcher, and learn from them!


How can I do it?

To answer that question, first I recommend you get a few glasses of water! You’ll want to practice by seeing the water beneath you, and watching how the rods move as they pass over it. Later, you’ll be able to use this to identify when you are passing over water that you cannot actually see.

  1. Take the L-rods in your hands, one in each. Hold your hands, thumbs skyward, very, very loosely gripping the short arm of the L-rods. You want the rod’s long arm to project out in front of you, and it should be so loosely held that it can swing almost as freely as it wants to. If you need a little hand here, try using one of the holders I recommended to reduce friction. Keep one hand about an inch higher than the other, because you want to make sure the rods can swing over/under each other if they need to.

  2. Bring your hands together, so that the long arms of the rods are about half a long arm’s length away from each other. The rods should be swinging fairly freely now, but tilt your hands just a tiny bit so that they hang roughly straight ahead of you. This is their “resting” position, and it’s what they look like when you’re NOT standing over water.

  3. Now, move your hands together until the rods are over one of the glasses of water. As the rods swing over it, you’ll notice that they begin to swing together, crossing over to form an “X” shape as they do so directly over the water! Well done, you’ve “found” the water! Do this over a few other glasses until you get the hang of it, and then go out into your street or garden and start looking for places where the rods keep crossing in a line. This is a water mains pipeline, and it’s a great example of one of the things that can be targeted by dowsing!

This is a really fun skill to teach kids, and if you use the paperclip rods method you can give all your kids their own dowsing rods, then bury jars of water in a sand pit or sandbox and have a race for “who can find the most water in one minute” for example. I’ve had hours of fun watching my baby nieces and nephews running around looking for water, and because the paperclips are so thin they’ll bend if they trip over, so they’re safer than coat hangers for little hands (though do make sure everyone wears safety glasses!)

Blessed be to all my wonderful followers, and happy waterwitching!

 – Juniper Wildwalk

Who Are You?//John Murphy

You had just gotten done working a shift on watch and there was only one thing on your mind: Him. Since the landing, you and John had been seeing each other for a while but so far it was nothing more than a few scheduled rendezvous. Okay, more than a few.

Even though you knew you weren’t serious about each other you couldn’t help but get excited and a smile played on your lips when you realized you hoped it could develop into something more. Brushing this thought aside, your pace quickened as your feet led you to his house.

Since the rest of the Ark and stations had landed, the camp was given a solid name of Arkadia and everyone was given a room from the wreckage. Not sure if you could call them houses, but hey, home is just a place to hold onto and come back to when you need one. And they were definitely better than tents.

Reaching for his door, you knocked lightly and tried to suppress the knot in your stomach. A few moments later, John greeted you with a smile. “(Y/N), what a pleasant surprise!” “Surprise? We meet every Wednesday.” you retorted sarcastically. 

He let out a laugh and closed the door behind you. “So how was watch? Anything exciting happen today?” he asked. “Not really,” you began sliding your jacket down your arms, exposing your chest in the low cut top that clung to your curves.

“(Y/N) what happened, are you okay?” he sounded worried as he made his way over to where you were standing. “What do you mean?” panic was taking over your system. His warm hands pressed firmly against the back of your shoulder and suddenly you knew what he was talking about.

A sharp pain stung your shoulder blade as his hands traced the scratch on your back. Turning your head to examine your wound you saw a gash about three inches long that looked pretty deep across your skin. “I must have scratched myself on the fence.” you stated non-nonchalantly.

“You sure you’re alright?” he pressed, distress clearly evident in his voice. “I’ll go get something to patch you up,” he added and made his way to the kitchen. “Who are you?” you whispered when you were sure he was out of the room.

When he came back he had a whole bundle of bandages in his hands. “Here, sit down.” he instructed and guided you to the bed. As he worked, you couldn’t help but stare at him. You loved the way he bit his li when he was concentrating and the way he squinted when he wasn’t sure what to do next.

Most of all, you loved the way his hands felt against your skin and the way your body craved his touch; to be closer to him. When he finished you smiled at him awkwardly and he mirrored your expression. “Thanks, John.” you called after him as he put the supplies back.

“You’re welcome but next time try to be a little more careful, it could have been worse.” he warned. “For a second there I could have sworn you were worried about me.” you teased. “Maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t.” he teased and joined you on the bed. “There he is, the real John is back!” you yelled in fake voice.

Still laughing, he pulled you in for a kiss and you got started on what you really came here for…

anonymous asked:

Prompt?: So I've been thinking with Keith actually having to lead Voltron, Lance is probably going to give Keith a hard time. While Keith is just putting all this pressure on himself, ending up making himself sick but being all secretive because he's the leader now and he can't be weak. So on night Lance can't sleep and is wandering around and ends up finding feverish Keith having a mini breakdown just miserable. Lance feels terrible for not realizing this has been on him too and fusses over him

This will be short, but it’s a great prompt, thank you for wanting me to write it!


Lance missed Shiro more than he felt comfortable admitting. Keith was doing a great job as the black paladin, though Lance could never let him know that, but all the same, Shiro was his friend, and he missed him. He rolled over in his bed, looking at the clock. 4:03 a.m. He sighed. Another one of those nights, he figured.

Lance threw the covers off his body and stood, deciding that maybe a cup of something hot might help him sleep. However, as he walked past the training room to the kitchen, he heard footsteps. 

Instantly, he bristled. He wished suddenly that he’d brought his bayard, but settled for grabbing the nearest object he could find–which happened to be a decorative plant–and rounded the corner. 

“What are you doing, Lance?” Keith asked. 

“I, uh,” Lance stammered, “was up to get a drink. I heard someone in here, and I thought I might have to… you know… fight ‘em off?” 

Keith blinked. “With a plant?”

Lance set it down quickly. “That’s not important,” he shook his head. “Why are you up?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Keith replied simply, but something in his tone… “You should go back to bed. We’ve got training early tomorrow.”

“Are you okay?” Lance asked. The question caught Keith off guard.

“Of course, why?”

“Because,” Lance replied gently, stepping forward, “Your hands are shaking, and you’re breathing fast.” 

“I’m fine,” Keith said authoritatively.

“Don’t use that tone on me; you know it won’t work,” Lance brushed him off.

“It should work, though,” Keith argued. “Shiro could do it. You always listened to Shiro.”

“What are you talking about?” Lance asked. “Are you mad at me or something?”

“No,” Keith objected, “I just… You listened to Shiro. Everyone listened to Shiro. He was the leader. And now he’s not here. And I’m here. And I’m supposed to somehow fill his shoes, but how can anyone expect me to do that?”

Lance had never thought before that maybe his insubordination toward Keith had been having an impact. They’d had a sort of mutual understanding as rivals when they were equals, but now that Keith was the leader…

No. There was no way that Lance’s actions alone had spurred this reaction in someone like Keith. 

On a gut feeling, Lance reached out and brushed Keith’s bangs out of his face to touch his forehead.

“You’re running a little hot there, buddy,” Lance informed him affectionately. 

“I’m fine,” Keith repeated. 

“Come on,” Lance instructed, guiding Keith up and letting him lean against him for support, “You need to go to bed.”

“Training starts in an hour, and I’ve got to get ready–”

“Hunk can lead training; you know he’s more than capable,” Lance reassured. “You’ve got to take care of yourself, okay? Even though you’re our leader. Especially now that you’re our leader. We need you, mullet.”

Keith closed his eyes and let Lance lead him to bed, depositing him on the edge. 

“Why do you tie your stupid laces so tight,” Lance muttered. Keith looked down to find Lance struggling with his shoes.

“Here, I can–”

“No, no,” Lance argued, “I’m doing it.” Finally, Lance settled for yanking Keith’s shoes off without even untying the laces. 

“You can deal with those after you’ve had some sleep,” Lance grumbled. 

“I could have just untied my shoes, Lance.”

“I handled it.”

“They’re going to be impossible now that you’ve destroyed the knots.”

Goodnight.” Lance turned out the light, but paused in the doorway. “For the record, I don’t think you should worry. You don’t have the authority that Shiro had, sure. But we trust you. Not every leader is a commander, Keith. When you get down to it, when it matters, we all trust you enough to follow wherever you lead.”

Lance left, and Keith fell deeply asleep for the first time in a long time.

zouriaf  asked:

#2 I’m lucky because I’ve gotten to know a thing or two about Beth (mum’s the word but bless her) so going off that ... let’s say Will takes the two of them somewhere & gets caught up talking to a girl across the room and Beth is all ready to swoop in there but Amelia pulls her back because she either A) is enjoying herself watching Will talk his way out of an awkward situation or B) has learned to enjoy a little mischief once in a while and uses the opportunity to take a page from Beth’s book

Sooooo… this took me three days because I’m absurd. Way to fail at flashfics, self. However, like a true flashfic, it hasn’t even been reread much less proofread. 


September 2045 - Galloway Position

There’s a kind of exhilaration whitewater rafting that fifteen-year-old Bethany’s never quite found anywhere else. The rush of the current, the way the whitecaps lap over the edge of the raft and her attention goes hyper-focused on what she’s doing… she loves it. She always has. Hiking is great, rock climbing is better, but whitewater rafting is the best.

She laughs, the spray of the surprisingly cold water peppering her face as they hit a class four rapid aptly named The Undertow and she has to hold on to the rope running along the side of the raft to keep from being bucked off into the water.

“Reverse on this side!” their guide shouts, gesturing to the opposite side of the raft where her big brother is easily doing the work of any two people on the other side. It keeps throwing them off-kilter. There’s too much power to his stroke with the oar and he’s used to his dad levelling that out on the other side, but the only Queen here today is Will.

Well… for now, anyhow. Beth’s pretty sure the woman sitting in front of her is gonna be a Queen before too long. And the thought makes her nearly as giddy as the spray of water splashing her face and the rush of adrenaline as the raft pitches. She loves Amelia, loves how happy Will is with her and Beth is more than ready to interfere to make sure he stays that way.

“Even it out, guys!” the guide yells again from his spot in the back of the raft where he acts like a rudder, controlling their direction as best he can. He’s okay, but Beth’s had way better guides in the past. Including ones who realized she actually knows what she’s doing and used the correct terminology. Then again, maybe it’s not her the guide is dumbing things down for. There’s two other groups on their raft. A young couple with a guy who looks more than a bit terrified - Beth’s pretty sure his boyfriend dragged him on this excursion and it will be their last rafting experience together - and three twenty-something women who seem to have limited experience but the right attitude and focus.

Or… they have the right focus when they’re not blatantly checking out her brother.

Gross.

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