instead they all ended up crying

 ella  is  so  pure  ??  she  gave  the  scraps  she  got  for  dinner  to  the  mice  instead  of  eating  and  she  probably  never  ate  again  for  the  remainder  of  the  evening  ??    she  cares,  but  she  knows  well  to  hide  her  emotions  and  put  up  a  kind  facade  /  always  making  sure  that  even  if  she’s  not  pleased,  everyone  else  is  ??  and  i  love  her ??    what  the  fukc ?? 

Yuuri’s motivation

We all know how it went. Victor fucked up. Yuuri cried. Their relationship is healthier because they talked about it instead of kissing their problems away.

But it’s not just their relationship that improved. Yuuri’s motivation for skating, for getting better at skating, seems to have changed too.

It’s because Victor fucked up and made him cry that Yuuri realised that Victor didn’t have to be his end goal. That Victor was fallible and imperfect and even if he is the current figure skater to beat, Victor doesn’t have to be his limit. That Victor, excellent as he may be, could be surpassed. That Victor doesn’t actually know everything there is to know about guiding skaters as their coach. That Victor’s advice can sometimes be downright shitty. That he didn’t have to limit himself to meeting Victor’s expectations of him, that Yuuri could in fact strive to go beyond that. That instead of aiming to be where Victor is, he could use it instead as a motivation to push him up as far as it could.

In episode 3, when Yuuri competed with Yurio in Onsen on Ice, Yuuri pushed himself to perform Eros because Victor thought he could do it and he wanted to prove Victor right (and make Victor stay). It’s all about showing Victor what Victor wants from him.

But in episode 7, Yuuri wants to go beyond Victor’s expectations. He doesn’t want to just prove Victor right anymore, he wants to prove him wrong but in the best way. (Surprise! Victor, have a taste of your own medicine.) He wants to be better for the sake of being better, because Victor isn’t a good enough goal for him now that he’s realised that Victor is an unreliable target. Victor doesn’t know what he’s doing sometimes. Following Victor’s lead isn’t good enough.

“I can become stronger. I want to become stronger.”

I think the realisation that Victor doesn’t actually have to define what Yuuri is capable of was very cathartic for Yuuri. It let him dream bigger than he’d ever dared to.

He’d always looked up to Victor as his idol, somebody to emulate, but now that he’s seen how Victor isn’t immune to fucking up, he lets himself take his idol down a peg, lets himself say, “Victor, you’ve always been my inspiration, but I’m going to take what you’ve given me and do more with it than either of us ever thought I could. I won’t chase you anymore. I’m going to let Victor-the-idol go, but know that even if I do that, I’m going to forever hold on to just-Victor. Because even if I don’t aim for you anymore, you still inspire me and make me better just by staying by me. I don’t need you to be Victor, figure skating superstar. I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, I just need Victor.”

Yuuri realised that wanting to keep Victor with him didn’t necessarily mean that Victor had to be the be all and end all of his skating as well. Now, Yuuri himself defines what his limits are. Yuuri alone is responsible for his skating. Maybe a little motivation from Victor-the-boyfriend helps as well (thanks, Victor, for that very public kiss; it really surprised everybody), but he’s taken charge of his own growth. Letting Victor set Yuuri’s own expectations of his abilities is lazy and irresponsible and frankly unreliable given Victor’s own inexperience as a coach. If he wants to get better, he has to push himself, not wait for Victor to tell him he can do it.

And now he’s doing it. By attempting that quad flip that nobody thought he could do, he’s taken the initiative to dream bigger than Victor dreamed for him.

That’s the Katsuki Yuuri I want to see win the Grand Prix Final.

I know I’m suppose to be positive about life. I know that. So many people tell me on a daily basis. I know I should put a smile on my face and fight back. I know my problems aren’t the end of the world. But you don’t understand. I’m tired.

I’m tired of looking at my face. I’m tired of not knowing what to do. I’m tired of all the people hurting me, even when they don’t realize they are hurting me.

I’m merely sick and tired.
I feel like such a waste of time, a downgrade, a replaceable, and an empty person.
So instead of standing up and auguring I just sit there silent, I cry until I fall asleep.
I can’t fight back my tears anymore.
I’m sorry I’m not better.
I’m sorry I’m too much to handle.
I’m sorry that I’ve given up.

I feel as if I wasted my whole life to achieve nothing, literally nothing.
I want to find a purpose.
Something to look forward to.
I’m so unhappy and isolated.
For the last 3-4 years I have been so sad.
That sadness has grown inside of me and it’s all I know now. I can’t stop it, I can’t control it. Because even when I’m happy and laughing, it’s seems like it’s still there, just waiting to strike at me and take me down.

I always pretend to be a cold hearted person when in reality I cry about everything, all the time, literally, always crying.

I’ve given up and lost hope. I don’t think I will ever be the girl I used to be. Because of how much my sadness has consumed me, I’m a different person. Walking in large crowds, feeling more lonely than ever. Doing random tasks and only thinking about how much I want to be dead.

Before you go telling me how many people are greatful for me, just think. Did you ever think about the fact that some people just don’t want to live ? 
They have no dramatic reason, they just dont want to live.

I’m sorry I don’t cherish life the way you do. I’m sorry I feel as if I don’t belong here. And I’m sorry that at any given point in time I will just completely give up and die. I’m sorry if me dying is an inconvenience to you. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.

—  I’m just so unhappy here and I’m tired of everything

i really, really want a plot where muse a is a naive, sweet, romantic, whimsical little thing with a whole lot of optimism and sunshine in their veins and muse b is the complete opposite; a total player who has someone new in their bed every weekend and hates responsibilities and just spends a lot of their time fucking around. somehow these two have been friends for a while, despite their differing personalities, and one day muse a ends up having to move out of their apartment due to a fire or an infestation or something and muse b is the one who offers to put them up for the time being. it’s all well and good except muse a has terrible nightmares constantly and one night muse b is sick and tired of it (and deep down a little concerned) so gets into bed with muse a until they stop crying and shaking and fall asleep in muse b’s arms instead. cue awkward muses sleeping in the same bed every night and it actually helping muse a a lot with the nightmares, and lots of cuddling and feelings ensue. muse b, being the player they are, are terrified of the idea of liking someone but muse a is pretty much already head over heels and ANGST !!

Dream pt. 1

Hi! Love your stories! I have a newt request if you fancy it? The reader is marrying a man she doesn’t love (arranged marriage or she doesn’t remember newt because she was oblivated) but newt is in love with her and she with him. He asks her not to go through with it and kisses her, they end up sleeping together then Newt asks her to come away with him and travel instead and she agrees

I went with Obliviated because feels guys. Also, the Italics are flashbacks/dreams

PT2 PT3


“N-Newt, I don't want to forget” You cry out. 

You’re standing in the subway overhang. The rain continues to pour. Newt has tears in his eyes, all he wants is to take you far away and be with you forever but, he knows he can’t. 

“It’s quicker than falling asleep love” Newt reassures you, holding back his own tears. 

“I-I love you” you cry out. 

You hold onto Newts coat tighter, not wanting to let go. 

“You’ll be okay love, You’ll live your life, you don’t need me” Newt tells you, stroking your hair. 

You start to cry harder, Newt’s heart breaks even more, tears trying to escape. 

“Y/n, It’s time” Tina says reluctantly, her own voice breaking. 

You let go of Newts coat and walked into the rain, giving one last glance at the man you loved. 

You shot up gasping for breath. The same dream, the man in a blue coat and the lady. You almost had the names on the tip of your tongue. 

“Are you okay babe?” you turn your head and see your fiance lying half asleep next to you. \

“Yes I'm okay, just excited about the Wedding that’s all” you assure your them. 

You lied back down and pulled the blankets up and fell back asleep. You woke up to your fiance gone, Just a note sits next to you.

 Morning sweetheart, 

I have to work today, it was an emergency but I will see you tonight. 

Love, Jason

You got out of bed and got dressed. Your wedding was in a few days and you had to check on your cake. As you walk to the bakery you pass by Macys, a light blue coat catches your eye. It’s a beautiful blue color, it almost seemed comforting. You shrugged it off and kept walking, maybe you would buy it for the winter months. 

“Hello Jacob!” you called as you walked into the bakery. 

Jacob turned around and greeted you with a smile. You met Jacob when he opened his bakery a couple months ago and you two quickly became good friends. You begged him to make your wedding cake, which he happily agreed, and he was also invited to your wedding.  

“Hi Y/n, What can I do for ya?” Jacob asks. 

“Just came to check on the cake” you replied. Jacob chuckled, 

“This is the tenth time this week you’ve come to check y/n”. You blush a little, 

“Okay you caught me, It just smells so good in here” you admit. Jacob laughs and turns to his other worker, 

“Henry, im going to take a break, you think you can handle the bakery for a few minutes” The boy nods and Jacob takes off his apron. 

He grabs two cookies and sits down next to you. 

“Thank you” you say taking the cookie from his hand. 

The two of you engage in conversation for a little bit. “So where’s Jason?” Jacob questions. 

You sigh looking down, “Work, it was an emergency.” you say. Jacob gives you a sympathetic look. 

“It’s okay, he works a lot but he is very successful.” you say, trying to prove that things were fine.  

Jacob was about to pry when the bell rang on his door. He quickly stood up and a big smile appeared on his face. You turned to look at who Jacob was looking at, a beautiful blonde lady stood in front of him. 

“Hey Queenie!” Jacob says excitedly. 

“Hi Jacob!” she replies cheerfully. 

“There was something I wanted to ask you” Jacob says nervously, “Would you like to go to a wedding with me?” 

“Oh! I would Love too!” she exclaims, “When is it?” she asks. 

“In a couple days” Jacob answers. He looks at you, you give him a thumbs up. Jacob laughs and Queenie looks confused. 

“Oh Queenie, there’s someone I’d like you to meet. This is the wonderful person getting married” Queenie turns and looks at you. Her hand goes to her mouth, her eyes flash with different emotions. 

“Hello Miss, are you okay?” you ask in concern. She snaps out of it and puts on a smile, 

“Yes im fine, it’s just, I adore weddings. So many emotions” She says. 

Her tone is happy but something else is laced in with her voice. 

“So who’s the lucky man?” 

“My fiance, Jason. he’s at work but we are going to spend some time together before the wedding” You answer. 

“Well, I hope it goes well and I’ll definitely be there” She hugs you, her hug lingers a little but you don’t mind. 

“Um Queenie, I have a question. There’s this lovely blue coat I saw in the window of Macys department store. Do you think I should get it? I know we just met but you have amazing style” you say sheepishly. 

“Dont worry honey, I saw the coat you’re talking about and I think it would look amazing on you!” She replies. 

“Thank you” you say. 

“I’m going to leave you two alone now. Goodbye!” You call. 

You walk past Macys again, the coat is still there. You look longing at the coat, you had some extra money to spend. 

“It’s so beautiful” you murmur to yourself. 

You walk in the store and try on the coat. it fits perfectly and you couldn’t resist, you but the coat and rush home. Jason was already asleep, your heart dropped a little but you shook it off. I was late anyway. You curled up next to him and fell asleep. 

“What creature is this Newt?” you ask curiously. 

“These are my Bowtruckles” he answers. One climbs from the tree to your arm, you let out a small laugh. Newt smiles at you. 

“That is Finn” he tells you. 

You let Finn climb onto your shoulder. Newt watched you as you played with Finn. Squealing distracted you from the Bowtruckles, little snake dragon things were in a nest. Newt made his way over, 

“Mummys here” he comforted to his animals. You giggled as he continued calling himself mummy. 

“These are my Occamies. Very protective creatures, They are also Chroanaptyxic and Choranaptyxic. Which means they grow and shrink to fit available space” he explains. he looks over at you and see;s your eyes full of wonder. 

“Would you like to hold one?” he asks

. Your eyes widen, “I’d love to!” you exclaim. 

Newt carefully puts the Occamy in your hands. It slithers into a spiral, it looks at you with curiosity. You stare at it making cooing noises. The Occamy chirps happily at you and you hand him back to Newt. hile Newt put the Occamies away you looked up at the nest above the Occamies. 

“Who’s nest is that?” you ask pointing at the nest above the Occamies. 

“Oh no Dougals gone” Newt said worriedly. “Dougal?” You ask. “My demiguise. he looks like this” Newt shows you a picture of a white looking creature, “He must have escaped” Newt explains. 

“Don’t worry Newt. Jacob and I will help you find him” You told him. Newt smiles at you. 

“Newt!” Jacobs voice called from the direction of the giant aquarium. 

“Ill be right back” Newt said to you before running to Jacob. 

You watched him walk away and you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. 

“Y/n?” A voice woke you up. Jason was shaking you awake. 

“I made you some breakfast. I have to run to the office but I’ll be home early tonight I promise” Jason kissed you on the cheek before dashing out the door. 

You sighed and looked down at the food. You picked at it, your dream taking over your thoughts. The man in the coat again but this time, jacob was there. The mans name was still in your mind. 

You think it started with an N? You had to ask Jacob. It was probably just a coincidence. you were with Jacob most of the day yesterday anyway. But was the harm in asking. You hopped out of bed and got dressed. 

Wearing your new coat you hurried over to the Bakery. You burst through the door. 

“Jacob I had the weirdest dream last night. You were in it and something that looked a lot like your cookies and this man in a blue coat.” You blurt out, not even bothering to look up, you walked past a couple people and stood right in front of Jacob. 

“The coat was just the same color as mine” you explain gesturing to your coat. 

“Do you know anyone who dresses like that?” Jacob looked at you, then behind you, then back at you again. 

“What was the mans name” Jacob asks slowly.

 “I can’t recall but I think it starts with an N” you answer. 

Jacob looks behind you again. Curious, you turn around and are met with three people. One was Queenie, the second was another lady you hadn’t met and the last person made you stare with your mouth open. 

A man stood in front of you, he had a leather case in his hands, a dark colored bow tie and a blue coat, the same color as yours. His face had freckles all over it and he mirrored your expression. His hair was floppy and a cinnamon color. He was looking at you with so many emotions. 

“Y/n?” The man finally croaked out. 

A wave of emotion overcame you. This was the man from your dreams, the one you couldn’t get out of your head every night. The man who you would think about. You looked directly into his eyes before you whispered something, the mans name finally came to your memory. 

“Newt?”


KLANCE ALADDIN! AU SMUTSHOT

Rating: MATURE  (also, this is the incomplete version; full version on my AO3 - read till end for link.)

Summary: KLANCE SMLUFF (SMUT+FLUFF), or alternately, porn without plot on a fucking magic carpet (oho see what I did there?) and a lot of flirting. (I’m sorry but this is exactly what it is.)

A/N: HAVE! YOU! GUYS! SEEN! @emuyh-art ‘s KLANCE ALADDIN AU ART. Like many of the smut/porn I write, this one is no exception and was inspired by emu’s surprisingly not-so-sinful gorgeous art..AU credits to the amazing Fuwa beeb on twitter who keeps on producing all these AUs!!! 

(I cRY o(—<)

Also, because I ended up writing this, Klance College! AU will be updated next week instead –

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a damsel in distress –

Except Lance absolutely did not believe in those shitty “once upon a time”, when all the times life once-upon-a-timed him ended up with him back to the pathetic state of being single with a twisted personality, a broken heart, and a broken wrist – for he would sometimes forget that his fists were not made of concrete and that punching the poor inanimate soul out of a brick wall every time he got dumped was probably not the brightest idea in the history of mankind.

But that was before his dazzling prince charming came along and then Lance was once again head-over-heels in love with the idea of loving – alas, where’s the joy in history unless it repeats itself – and such was the beginning of the tragic downfall of the great young highness Lance McClain.

By “tragic” and “downfall”, it was to be understood as “oh shit I can’t get my hands off this smoking hotness that is Kogane and I don’t know what to do like, my mind’s telling me noooo but my body’s telling me yesssss” –

It was by unconventional interpretation that tragedy should be associated with such a preposterous definition but the Lance would hear nothing of it – tragedy shall be the new happiness if he demanded it.

“Hey, this is my fairy tale, so deal with it,” he would snap at all those innocent passerby who harboured the slightest intention of disapproving his curiously unconventional ways.

And such predisposition to rampant irascibility and unaccountable temperamental swings was perhaps what reduced him to be led by the nose by this vile, consuming existence those men of questionable wisdom termed as “Love”.

Yes, the great almighty Lance was very much in love at the moment, and with a man who owned a questionable magic carpet no less. And now as he stared at the beautiful creature that was Keith, looking up at him with those big wondrous eyes as Lance leaned slight over the balcony, he felt that his infatuation was beyond anything he had ever felt, and he was glad of it just as he was glad of love, despite its proneness to plunge him to the infernal depths of emotional fuckery.

“You think you can win me over if you showed me the world?” Lance flashed Keith his best flirtatious smile and leaned in closer. They were now a breath away and he could no longer distinguish the source of the treacherous warmth invading and spreading through his system – the summer heat or Keith fucking Kogane.

“Well, it’ll be shining, shimmering and splendid,” Keith replied in a sort of provocative half-whisper that almost made Lance lose his shit, “though not as splendid as you.”

Lance’s heart skipped a long unwanted beat, and begged that he would miraculously die because Keith with his game on was too much for him to handle.

But Lance was no coward.

Raising a brow suggestively he purred, “Oh? Just how splendid am I?”

“The very definition of splendor,” Keith said, and his breath fanned Lance’s purposefully parted lips. “I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder, over, sideways and under –” his voice seemed to drop an octave lower, “on a magical carpet ride.”

As much as the thought enthralled him, Lance could not help but prefer the beautiful man before him to explore his body instead –

Or performed variations of bodily exploration.

On Lance.

“How about you skip the ‘wonder by wonder’ part and just take mesideways and under’,” Lance said demurely, and was immensely pleased when Keith froze in front of him for a second. He brought his lips to Keith’s reddening ear and whispered in his most sinuous voice, “And what’s so magical about a magical carpet ride when I can ride you instead?”


[READ THE SMUTTY REST ON MY AO3]

I WON'T GO OUT TODAY
molly hall

you know those days where like, nothing good happens and everything is twenty times harder than it needs to be? you run late, technology breaks, it rains, you drop your lunch on the ground while you’re walking away from the register, you don’t have milk for your coffee, your makeup smudges, your phone dies on your run, you lose your keys in the back of a taxi cab, and you can’t even find a single-occupancy bathroom to cry in so you end up in the YA section of a barnes & noble weeping and praying to god that nobody comes looking for a copy of the strange and beautiful sorrows of ava lavender?

wouldn’t it be nice if instead of that we could stay inside and….not do that, instead.

Keep reading

Birthdays

I like to imagine that the FAHC have little traditions for each crew members birthday.

Like for Jack’s birthday they all go for a plane ride to Chiliad during which they aren’t allowed to bitch or moan about Jack’s piloting so she always pulls ridiculous stunts just to try to make them sick (Ryan’s the only one who hasn’t cracked yet.) They parachute to the top of Chiliad and have a nice picnic on the mountainside and watch the sunset together.

Contrary to popular belief Geoff’s party doesn’t involve a lot of bar hopping and a ridiculous amount of blackmail material the morning after. Instead they meet up at the lake to do some fishing (and drinking), all of them in boats in the middle of the lake. Geoff and Jack are usually the most patient, while the lads get bored easily so it usually ends with loads of explosions but not before the guys all give Geoff some small presents they thought he would like (and he would always cry but deny it vigorously.)

Michael’s would be a pool party at the top of some skyscraper with all his friends and copious amount of booze. The night would include drinking, wrestling with Gavin as well as ridiculously high bets on if Ryan could hit a pedestrian with his diet coke can from the top of the rooftop (he always would and Gavin always lost all his bets.) The crew would also usually organize some sort of explosion or commotion within eye sight from the rooftop (last year they blew up the V in the Vinewood sign much to LSPD despair).

Gavin’s party would be the most lavish, as the lad liked his gold. Michael and Geoff would compete in finding the most ridiculous golden jewelry to see if either of them would finally find something Gavin didn’t wear (Michael had gotten the nearest with a garish golden ring that was so awful it actually made the TV-news a few years ago). The day would usually also include some sort of “great idea for a video” Gavin had seen on the internet somewhere that he liked to try to recreate (last years stunt had led to a broken foot, an angry fisherman and a few million in property damages.)

Jeremy being the newest recruit didn’t have a lot of traditions but that didn’t stop the lads on coming up with something that would stick. One year they had tried to have an organized treasure hunt that led to a party but Geoff had gotten lost somehow, and another years attempt on going scuba diving had led to chaos as Ryan somehow had managed to booby trap their boat (it was an honest mistake I swear). After that Jeremy had confessed to actually just enjoying their company and didn’t require any sort of special events. (He had no idea that Gavin and Michael had been planning an advanced series of pranks and practical jokes already for the next year that involved among other things a fake baby, a live donkey, an ambulance and a bag full of pink glitter.)

And as much as Ryan loved his chaos he also loved a good meal, so his birthdays usually started with a morning of causing chaos in the city including a competition on who could steal the most ridiculous thing from the LSPD HQ downtown, followed by an evening at Geoff’s penthouse with a delicious meal as they gathered around to compare what each of them had managed to steal from the police station (Jack had won last year with a vending machine. Nobody knew how she had gotten it out of the station and into the penthouse without anybody seeing her but they were all very impressed.

Its been a little stressful at work, I ended up staying at my old job because when I put in my two weeks they instead asked if they could match the wage the other place was offering and agreed to a bunch of things I talked to them about even wrote it down and signed it because I asked and the other job was only seasonal anyway but I’m wondering if I did the right thing. My husband is worried since I used to come home crying all the time but I just. I dunno. I like working where I am it’s just hard sometimes and I felt I had to leave but then it got better because of the agreements I made. Idk. I just need to vent a bit and get it off my chest.

you know what i just love?

when you get in a fight with someone close to you, but your brain decides partway through that you’re in the wrong, the argument is your fault, and you’ve fucked everything up by being an intrinsically awful person

but instead of healthily addressing your faults and expressing remorse like a normal-ass person, you have a complete and total breakdown and end up uncontrollably crying and incessantly apologizing for being the piece of shit that you are

and you know that you’re probably being manipulative or something because now the other person is going to feel bad and have to comfort you, but you just? can’t stop?? you either have to sob about how much of a horrible monster you are, or somehow find a way to bottle up all those feelings, but the latter really isn’t feasible, so you’re kinda just left to haphazardly spill your emotions and make everything about the situation 100x worse than it has to be

and the fact that you’re doing this terribly manipulative thing by forcing the other person to be there for you when you’re the one who’s supposed to be there for them just furthers your feelings that you’re a trash person who honestly just doesn’t deserve to be alive

love it. feels good. feels organic

anonymous asked:

oh god pls write the alternative end with jian yi dying and xixi being the one to cough up flowers. PLEASE JUST KILL ME WITH ANGST

He could still see Jian Yi, as a child, crying alone in the sandpit. It melts into the image of him from a week ago, crying silently a measured distance away from him in the rain. The sounds of splashing and tears and petals echo endlessly in his head. 

Why is it, when I was trying to protect you, I ended up killing you instead?

He thinks of all the promises he’s made with his best friend, that he didn’t get to fulfill. Zhan doesn’t get a wink of sleep until the day of the funeral.

Jian Yi’s mother is there, and he is taken aback at how much she resembles him, right down to their pale skin and light hair. She glares at him, and he quickly looks away in shame and brain numbing guilt. He can’t meet her piercing olive eyes that look so much like his. It’s his fault, and she knows it. 

I’m sorry I couldn’t save your son. 

He sees He Tian dressed up in a black suit, leaning on the wall next to the coffin. He shoots Zhan a sympathetic look, but looks away as well. Somehow he can tell he blames himself too. 

Jian Yi was always buzzing with life, even on his last days. He always did everything at 110%, shouting instead of talking, jump hugs instead of waving, blushing madly instead of thanking him, grins that blinded the sun instead of ordinary smiles. Laying in the coffin, he just looked quiet. 

When Zhan coughs up a dark blue petal, the only thing he feels is relief. 

He hopes to see his best friend again soon.

Mission Save-The-Princess - Bucky Barnes x Reader

lachicadelamanzana said to rogerthat-bucky: Can you make #30 with Bucky? Where he and the reader fight and she says it cause she thinks it’s her fault, which makes Bucky feel bad? Love u, have a clear day!

30: ”This is an apology pizza. Please take it or I will start crying right here.”

The air around the Avengers base had been very tense ever since you had an argument with Bucky, everyone in the team was trying not to pick sides but it was soon becoming impossible thanks to both you and Bucky acting very petty over the whole ordeal.

In your head, you’d done absolutely nothing wrong and it was all on Bucky. All you’d wanted was one night together but he’d refused that and instead concentrated on some mission that ended very badly for him. Your very stupid boyfriend had ended up with a lot of broken bones and a couple of scars that you didn’t think would heal. When he’d returned you were practically stuck to his side, but now that he’s all better, you were letting your true colours show and avoiding him until he apologised.

And in Bucky’s head it was switched around. He was avoiding you until you stopped being petty about something you clearly didn’t understand, he knew you wouldn’t understand because he refused to tell you anything more about the mission other than that it was more important than one night together. He didn’t see the problem with it either; though you had separate rooms on the base you always shared a bed (until recently) and so in his mind that counts as spending every night together. He didn’t realise that you just wanted more than the odd snuggle.

You wanted to go out on dates, proper ones, where he’d wear an uncomfortable tuxedo and you’d wear a dress that made you look so appealing to Bucky that he’d find it impossible to keep his hands to himself with heels that were painful but finished off the entire outfit. You wanted a date in a posh restaurant where you didn’t like any of the food, only the free refills deal. You wanted to go on a date where you had to sit in a stuffy corner near the kitchen because neither you nor Bucky could afford a better seat in the large, cream coloured, building. You wanted a date where just each other’s presence was more important than the huge, beautifully designed, chandelier attached to the roof. You just wanted to go on a proper date with your long-term boyfriend.

When you first woke up after an awful night’s sleep alone in your bedroom, you knew to wait ten minutes before going to the bathroom because that’s when Bucky would go and make himself some cereal. You busied yourself with getting dressed in a jumper and some leggings as well as doing something with your hair which was much more messier than usual because you’d been constantly moving around through the night. You found it impossible to find a comfy spot anymore, you’d become too use to have Bucky’s arms wrapped around your waist.

Once the ten minutes were over you went to go make some toast for yourself, but as you arrived at the kitchen so did Bucky. Your eyes turned to slits as you stared him down, his face adorning the exact same expression as yours. “Why didn’t you have breakfast ten minutes ago, I waited,” you explained this through gritted teeth.

“I waited too. So I guess one of us will have to go back to their room and wait a little longer,” he replied back. You easily sensed the challenge in his voice and it made your fists clench by your sides, turning a pale white.

To reinforce yourself more, you turned up your chin to try and seem taller then him and you even propped your hand onto your waist in a ‘fuck off’ sort of way. “Well seen as you’ve already ruined my plan for one meal I think it should be you.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, only aggravating you further, which he knew it would do and that’s exactly why he did it. “You’re the one with the problem, not me.”

A scoff passed your lips, “I have a problem? No, no, no. Not a single problem over here.” You began to wave your hands in a carefree way, letting a lazy smile drift onto your lips as you relaxed your entire body to make it clear that you gave no fucks whatsoever.

“Well neither do I!”

“Well then I guess neither of us care if we have breakfast at the same time then?!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

Silently, you both proceeded to stomp into the kitchen and grab what you needed to make up your breakfast’s. He was having cookie crisp cereal (something he’d become very addicted to after you first showed him that such cereal existed now), whilst you were having jam on toast. Sometimes you’d hand one another things and share a begrudged ‘thank you’, hating yourself for automatically getting back into the routine of making breakfast together.

Whilst eating you stood at different corners of the kitchen and glared. Each chew of bread for you suddenly became your teeth crushing bones, and the usual calm morning became a competition as to who could act the most aggressive whilst eating.

Eventually the other Avengers began to enter the kitchen, first came Steve, then Wanda. Both of them looked to each other, rushed to get their breakfasts as fast as they could and then left with the meals in their hands. Steve did try to have a conversation with the both of you but it was very stilted and you managed to make Captain America feel like he was that little kid from Brooklyn again by simply being hostile.

Tony was the last one to enter and, of course, he was never one to miss an opportunity to speak. “Oh this again!” He huffed, throwing his hands up in the air like he was a part of some play and needed to act as dramatic as possible, “can’t you guys just kiss and make up already, it’s not just awkward for the two of you, you know?” Tony kept pushing you two around the kitchen so that he could start to make his breakfast.

Bucky didn’t really like arguing with Tony after the whole Civil War ordeal and so he rushed to finish the bowl of cereal and leave before anything could escalate further. You remained in the kitchen, knowing that this was now a safe place from his presence.

“Are they gone yet, I’m starve- Oh, hi, Y/N!” Clint looked at you with wide eyes, knowing that you would have heard his complaints, but you didn’t mind.

If you were to be honest, you actually felt quite bad about how the others were being affected by everything seen as it wasn’t exactly their fault. But it was all a matter of pride, and you needed Bucky to apologise to you. You needed him to know that he couldn’t just get away with this sort of stuff.

You weren’t one of those needy girlfriends, but you were one who liked to be respected in a relationship and if you made plans with your partner than you expected that they stick to the plans. You’ve had past experience with boyfriends that could easily pretend like you didn’t exist, and that was just something you weren’t going to let happen anymore.

“So have you two broken up or something?”

“Tony…” Clint said the billionaire’s name in a warning tone but of course Tony didn’t listen.

“No, we’re still together. Just arguing. I’m surprised you don’t know what it’s about, I would have thought Vision would have told you seen as you’re all best buddies and he knows everything that goes on around this place.” You moved over to the sink and began to clean up your plate and Bucky’s bowl, other people could have done it for you but you preferred to do it yourself and make other people’s lives easier.

Whilst you were cleaning all of the dishes you heard Tony and Clint begin to whisper at one another, they were doing an excellent job because you couldn’t decipher a single word, all you could tell was that they were arguing over something.

After another few moments of them standing behind you, you twirled around and you were about to walk out of the kitchen when Tony grabbed your hand. Clint let out a couple of ‘no’s but, as always, Tony didn’t listen.

“Vision,” Tony called out which confused you a lot considering that he was looking directly into your eyes, “bring the folder for mission Save-The-Princess.”

“You mean mission 92-X?” You jumped out of your skin when you realised that Vision had been stood behind you the entire time. It had become quite a challenge ever since Vision joined the Avengers for you, for you to not jump whenever he suddenly appeared somewhere as it seemed to be one his talents. Your eyes widened when Vision said the name of the file Tony was requesting; though you didn’t know about mission Save-The-Princess (a nickname you’d guessed Tony had given seen as he always refused to try and remember the numbers and letters of each file name), but you did know that mission 92-X was the job Bucky had chosen over your date night.

The next hour was filled with you being sat at the kitchen table whilst Tony and Clint (who’d also gone on the mission) briefed you about mission 92-X.

By the end of it not only did you feel ashamed, but also very, very guilty.

Bucky had gone on this mission to protect you. Your life had been in literal danger thanks to Hydra and so he’d gone into very dangerous territory to try and stop their plans of kidnapping and executing you; the only reason they even knew about Hydra’s plans for this was because Bucky had been having suspicions after seeing some suspicious looking people whenever the two of you went out together and so he’d risked his life to get a Hydra agent so that they’d be able to torture the plans out of him.

Apparently Hydra’s reason for wanting you off the map was quite a simple one: they wanted to break Bucky. Of course their plan did the opposite thing, his anger and rage at them for wanting to hurt you had only made him stronger.

The torture part even threw you off because he’d done the torturing himself. You knew that Bucky absolutely detested that part of himself but he’d risked it all, even his sanity, to ensure you were safe. And what did you give in return? You simply damaged your relationship with him.

To say that you hated yourself would be an understatement. You spent the rest of your day pacing around your room and repeatedly banging your head against the wall, hoping that it would kickstart some brilliant plan which would help you make Bucky forgive you. Around the tenth time you’d hit your head on the wall, Vision saw it fit to intervene and ask you to stop damaging the walls.

By ten o’clock at night you’d formed some sort of plan but it wasn’t as extravagant as you would have liked. You’d had to ask Vision for some advice and he told you that you should cook for Bucky, the only problem was that you couldn’t cook and so takeaway was the best substitute you could think off. Plus, in your opinion, pizza solved everything so you didn’t see why it couldn’t solve this little conundrum.

Bucky was in his bedroom, this meant you didn’t really need to search much through the base which upset you a little as you’d hoped to spend some time figuring out what exactly you were going to say to him. When he came to the door after you nervously knocked on it, the words that spilled out of your lips were very embarrassing and you knew you’d be regretting them for a while. “This is an apology pizza. Please take it or I will start crying right here.”

His first reaction was to be confused, as he couldn’t wrap his head around why you’d suddenly appeared at his door with no warning, offering an ‘apology pizza’. Then it seemed to click in his head though and his eyes turned into slits, “who told you?”

“Tony,” you mumbled, still keeping your arm raised and outstretched, hoping he’d eventually take it from you. Bucky released a long and frustrated groan, beginning to bang his head on the door frame but you placed your hand in the way and tutted, “don’t do that Buck, Vision will come after you like he did me.”

“What?” Still frustrated, he breathed out of his nose but then surprised you by taking the pizza and moving out of the way so that you could enter the room. “Nevermind, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just didn’t want you to worry or anything.”

“I get that now,” you were playing with the end of your sleeves nervously as you were still being swallowed up by guilt. “I’m just really sorry…” Tears began to prick the corner of your eyes as you realised just how much you’d messed up by making assumptions about Bucky; this date had been the only sign Bucky had given you to suggest that he is anything less than a great boyfriend, and you’d taken it and made a huge drama out of it. The fact that you’d hurt Bucky had really upset you

Bucky’s eyes widened when he noticed a single tear trickle down your face. Ever since he was a young boy he’d always believed that one of the worst things a man could do is make his woman cry, though he didn’t see it as some sort of sign of weakness, he did see it as a very negative thing. His instant reaction to that tear was to drop the pizza box and wrap you into his arms.

“Stop crying,” he demanded, and when you continued to let out a little sniffle he repeated himself multiple times whilst attacking you with hasty pecks on every inch of your naked skin. “Stop crying, stop crying, stop crying, stop crying.”

Eventually you’d had enough of his wet lips hitting every part of your face and tried to push him off you, your sniffles being replaced with loud laughters as he proceeded to throw you around the bed. “No! Stop!” You cried out as he landed on top of you, trapping you underneath the heavy weight of his body. “Oh, god no, help me! Somebody, anybody!”

“No one can save you now!” He cackled in the most evil way he could muster and then attacked you once more with his lips, this time they landed against yours and you simply couldn’t resist kissing him back.

I asked her why she was crying, i expected her to shout and cry harder but instead she replied: “i’m crying because i’m sick of loving someone who does not love me back. I’m crying because i’m sick of trying to be good for you when it should be the other way around. I’m crying because you always pick up fights over stupid things. But most of all i’m crying because although i try really hard to hate you, i end up loving you more”
—  I’m crying because

What do you do when you just love someone with your entire breath and body and it isn’t enough?  Not because you aren’t enough, but rather because she is moon, and you, wolf.  You: hurting, howling.  She loved you so much she lit up every night for you, but you could only feel the cold, the far.  This is a story about a heartbreak where nothing ever reaches.  You loved her so much you couldn’t stand the beauty of her name clawing at the inside of your throat, living in so much darkness, so you howled it instead.  Howled like hope, wrote poems about it.  Howled like all you wanted was to feel her closer, all you wanted was for her glow to teach your wild trauma to know tender for the first time, and you ended up crying from the wounds / this heart broke open again instead.  
And you cried.  And you cried.  

She: different atmosphere.  
Could never hear you through all that space.
All she saw was teeth.


brickerbeetle  asked:

new fic title: 'Your Heart is all I Own' :D

In which at some point Rin’s dream stopped being reflected in the deep end of a competitive pool, and instead started shining through in the only person he wanted in the lane next to his. (rinharu get-together fic because i’m trash)

Rin comes up gasping for air, and Haru’s there already—and silver silver silver starts cycling through Rin’s head like a chant, loud and exhilarating and he’s afraid, before he can even register his own pride, that he’s going to cry. But then he looks over at Haru, sees his eyes wide and unbelieving and chest heaving, and what Rin hears is gold gold gold.

And he couldn’t stop the tears if he’d tried. He latches onto Haru and heaves out a yelp of triumph, the most embarrassing noise he’s ever made, and he doesn’t care a bit. Haru sounds harassed and alarmed, saying, “What happened?”

Rin can only laugh. “God, of course. You jerk—you just won fucking gold.” 

And Rin has lost—lost in the most unbelievable way possible, lost in the only way he could ever be this happy about. Haru comes to life like he’s been plugged in and turned on, arms closing around Rin’s middle, the lane line digging into their chests. Haru’s every breath is close to his ear, his pulse under Rin’s fingers—Rin has never felt so existent, has never felt so in love.

They don’t latch onto each other when they leave the pool only because there are others to be congratulated by, but each person blends in with another. It’s Haru’s first and only Olympics. All he promised, all he’s capable of enjoying, and it’s fine. It’s so much more than fine. Because he’s won, and he’s proud, and he’s glowing among the blur, and he is all Rin can see.

kylo-is-my-bad-bae  asked:

Imagine the same starkiller scenario but instead of the Lion King it's more like the end of Thor, when Loki lets go and falls into the abyss; William realizes that he can never get back his Tidge so he lets go of Hux's hand. Only in that moment does Hux start to become Armie again, but by then it's too late. Bonus if William's last words are something to do with finding techie

WHY ARE YOU ALL HELLBENT ON MAKING ME CRY TONIGHT 💔💔💔

I like this a lot though. What we’ve built up of William since we made this au, it’d be more like him to be self-sacrificing.

(William Hux AU / Hux brothers AU)

2

So, Dangerous

Why having a mental illness is fucked up
  • side effects of being numb due to mental illness:
  • not crying for weeks and weeks on end til one day breaking down over something not actually worth getting upset for
  • not being able to tell if your feelings for people are platonic or romantic or if you’re just lonely
  • instead of caring too much not caring at all about anything
  • not being able to process anything going on in your life and when you try your brain stalling out
  • losing your train of thought every five seconds so when you try to have a conversation having to pause and remember what you were trying to say
  • word vomiting
  • mind ‘STATIC’