install the internet

7

‘Cyberhelvetia’ - 3deluxe (2002)

“Themed installation with Internet connection for the Swiss Expo.02, in the context of a traditional Swiss swimming baths. Instead of the pool: a glass ashlar with interactive projections. 

The so-called pool was filled with ‘virtual water’, which visitors both on the spot and on the Internet enhanced by adding imaginative life forms. The reciprocal interaction between real and virtually present people and the digital creatures constantly created new atmospheric images on the projected surface of the pool, so that the overall impression was essentially of a living organism. The virtual water also responded to climatic conditions in the form of data from a weather station on the pavilion roof. The artificial surface of the water changed during the course of the day and seasons, and thus linked the artificial with nature as well as the virtual with what can be experienced in reality.”

I have so many questions and headcanons about the internet and the wizarding world. 

No, listen. 

Headcanon that muggles are catching wizards and witches doing magic and uploading it to vine and youtube. It doesn’t matter what the obliviators do because even if they erase the muggle’s memory the whole damn thing is on the internet. The Ministry doesn’t have a clue how to manage the situation, nobody knows what the internet is, so Kingsley drags in a muggleborn and they have to explain to him about doge and lolcatz and Facebook and Kingsley’s like, ‘Wat.’

To try and stop leaks the Ministry sets up a squad of witches and wizards whose sole job is to monitor the internet for pictures, videos and photos of anyone doing magic. Somebody has to make awkward arrangements to try and get internet installed in the Ministry. Somebody has to spend hours on the phone to the cable company and gets really frustrated when they get put on hold for ten hours.

The new team spend all day watching youtube videos and vines and it’s the best job ever for anybody who’s muggleborn. One team members learns how to code and hack muggle websites to they can remove any videos that breach the statute of secrecy; a whole new branch of magic is invented when someone finds a way to use magic to manipulate the internet. The job itself can be pretty boring. Days can go by with nothing happening and then somebody will shout, ‘Fuck sake somebody in Liverpool just uploaded a vine of somebody on a broomstick to the music of hocus pocus’ and they all have to run. If the team can’t get a video removed from the internet they spend a lot of time and energy trolling the comment section of Youtube making points about how the video is obviously bullshit to try and put doubt in the minds of muggles. Some ministry workers start writing clickbait artiles for Buzzfeed called, ‘Ten reasons why that ‘Dragons exist’ video is problematic’ or ‘Everyone on the internet belives this ten year old kid can do magic and it’s hilarious’. Some ministry workers spend hours on Reddit, Twitter and Facebook writing snarky comments about how the vines about magic are wrong and made up. It becomes a legitimate career move for a witch or wizard to spend hours on the internet. 

So yeah.

I have a lot of questions.
I'm getting a pet!!!!

Hey Guys! Great News! I am getting a pet!!!!!!

I am so excited I want everything to be perfect!

I want to be a really good owner so I’ve decided to do a lot of research, it wasn’t hard, all of the information is out there, like he wrote a step by step guide for his favorite things. Max is going to LOVE his new home on my farm. I have a ton of land for him to run around on, and after I get this electric fence installed I bought on the internet he will never escape!!!!


Okay so first I know he’s going to need some toys. The guide seems to suggest that he LOVES bugs, specifically spiders so I scoured the internet for somewhere to buy clutches of spider eggs. I’ve got them all set up in boxes around his room ready to hatch, he’s going to love it!! I got a few centipedes from my crawlspace too, just Incase the spiders don’t make him happy enough.


I wanted him to feel at home so I went ahead and got some decorations too. That was a LOT of work. First I had to go to the hardware store and get a shovel and some gloves. Then I had to read the news for all the surrounding counties to see where the freshest ones would be. There were  six funerals for children in the last week within a fifty mile radius, so I set to work immediately digging up the graves. These little bodies will definitely make him happy. I wish I had got some fresh ones for him to play with, but if he’s a good boy I’ll work on it FOR SURE!!


The last thing on my list was the hardest to obtain. He’s going to need food. I caught a lucky break whenever I saw the ad for the medical waste disposal technician at Planned Parenthood! I put in my resume and was hired almost immediately, I knew this was just going to be the best food, so instead of incinerating the little globs of fetal tissue I just put them in bags and took them home to freeze.


Now everything is ready, all I have to do is go pick him up!! I can’t wait!!!

#just writer things

Continuing to write (porn, at that - really dirty porn), while there’s a guy in the house installing the new cable and internet stuff.

Is it weird?  Or am I just making it weird?


​Hito Steyerl: Factory of the Sun opens at MOCA Grand Avenue February 21, 2016. 

MOCA presents the U.S. premiere of Hito Steyerl’s landmark video installation Factory of the Sun. In this immersive work, which debuted at the 2015 German Pavilion at the Venice Biennale, Steyerl probes the pleasures and perils of image circulation in a moment defined by the unprecedented global flow of data. Ricocheting between genres—news reportage, documentary film, video games, and internet dance videos—Factory of the Sun uses the motifs of light and acceleration to explore what possibilities are still available for collective resistance when surveillance has become a mundane part of an increasingly virtual world. This video work tells the surreal story of workers whose forced moves in a motion capture studio are turned into artificial sunshine.


Hito Steyerl, Factory of the Sun at the 2015 Venice Biennale, German Pavilion, 2015, single channel HD video, environment, 21 minutes, image CC 4.0 Hito Steyerl, photo by Manuel Reinartz.​

My trainer murdered my legs today at the gym for an “additional” leg day, despite the fact thay I did legs yesterday. Plus a 30 minute run on an inclined treadmill and 5 minutes non-stop on the rowing machine.

Now I’m in my sweatpants, my kid is asleep next to me and I’ll be playing Call of Duty until my legs can function normally.

Also, the guy that was supposed to be installing my internet wont be here ‘till monday so I wont be able to post anything 'till then… unless I can run off to Starbucks, which is unlikely.

UGHHHHH IM IN SO MUCH PAIN

Sorry for the lack of activity again; it turns out being a full time carer for someone with dementia actually requires things like time and effort, who’da thunk. I want to be here more often ( people probably notice that I do quick sweeps through their blogs for any important things I’ve missed for Charlie), but honestly I only have time to be online for an hour or so at a time ( with the exception of weekends where I visit family and have internet but very little spare time to get to it), as well as the limited internet. Sometimes when I have time to be online, I’m so overloaded and stressed by dealing with Life that I just pass out instead of getting any writing done. So pthbhtbh sorry about that I guess. 
HOWEVER I HAVE GOOD NEWS; on april 11th i’m getting internet installed properly. so commissioners can expect updates on their commissions; if you haven’t received any, or want an update again anyway, feel free to IM me on hcpper or @nowendigono