If you look back only at your mistakes, you’d think you were an idiot. If you look back only at your wiser choices, you’d think you were infallible. But if you look back on everything, you realize you’re a human being who has been through a lot, grown a lot, is always still learning, and improving as time goes by.
You shouldn’t let a flowery article from Elite Daily or 7 rules of crap from Cosmo magazine define the way you look at romantic relationships. So what if you’re clingy and unapologetically frail? Or too outspoken and vain? Just because you don’t know your way around the kitchen or just because you wear too much makeup, doesn’t mean you can’t find someone who will accept you regardless. The older you get, the more you’ll realize that making a connection isn’t about molding yourself into someone society tells you you should be, but rather about letting someone see your soul naked; Mornings with your hair all over the place and drool on your mouth, beautiful and raw. Evenings too drunk on red wine and blabbing about things you’re too embarrassed to say sober, real and so inescapably truthful. Don’t be afraid to show yourself and act yourself in front of someone. Don’t apologize for the way you carry yourself and the way you think. Chances are, he’s going to think you’re crazy and weird, but if he sees past that, then you’ll know for sure that he wants you, all of you. Not just the polished, glammed up you but the you who doesn’t comb her hair at home and snores in her sleep. You shouldn’t let these ‘guides’ define what love for you should be. Love should be what YOU define it, on your terms, your rules, your call.
I forgive myself for having believed for so long that I was never enough. I forgive myself for setting unrealistic expectations on my body. I forgive myself for ever comparing my body to the photoshopped world we live in. I forgive myself for ever letting “wow, I’ll never be able to look like that”, cross my mind. And I accept my apology by living every day knowing I am more than enough, and in fact I am everything I need to be. I am worth more than my trivial doubts. I am beyond my own distorted recognition. I am magnificently unique. I have a solicitous soul. I have a fruitful mind. I have a curvaceous body. I have wisdom beyond my years. I have kindness that fills a room. I am beautiful, and that my dears is deeper than skin. It is how I treat others. My beauty resides in my character. The one thing that was not beautiful about myself was being unable to recognize this beauty so long ago. There are days when this idea is a personal struggle because of this societal notion that I should be more. Each morning I silence that doubt because I know I am more than that. I am more than a manipulated and manufactured look that I think I should have. I am confident in my abilities, and am learning to love my body and features for what they are and not what others think they should be. I am stitched together by an hourglass frame, with stretch marks, and parts of me with cellulite. I have places of extra me to go around, if you know what I mean. At the end of the day, I love me no matter what. Every flaw, every marking, every dimple, every excess made evident when I sit in an unflattering angle - I am far from perfect - I am human, but that does not make me any less than extraordinary. I am 135 pounds of wonderful and that is just fine with me!