inspired by my life story

In a complicated fiasco last year with my friend’s very conservative and anti-gay parents, I was forbidden from ever seeing her again purely based on the assumption that all girls with short hair are gay or trans and looking to sleep with her daughter. Anyways, I figured I’d just convince her mother that I was, in fact, straight, she’d let me see my friend. And what’s straighter than having a boyfriend? So I asked my guy friend to pose as my boyfriend in some pictures—which was just as awkward as you would assume. Naturally, our overbearing friends stepped in to help, telling us to move closer and whatnot. It was still awkward. And what’s the best thing to do in an incredibly awkward situation? Embrace it. We started calling each other fake-boyfriend/girlfriend, shouting cliches in the hallways, or texting heart emojis (ironically, of course). Anyways, that joke kinda fades out within the next few months but it’s still brought up occasionally. At one point, I told my cousin about it and of course she questions whether or not it’s actually fake saying, “I did that in high school and I ended up marrying him.” (Queue the “yeah right we’re just friends.”) Well it turns out she was on to something. A year later, I’m dating him and I had to explain to my cousin that yes, my current boyfriend is the same as my fake boyfriend. So she got to say ‘I told you so.’

In summary, if you think the whole “fake boyfriend” plot is unrealistic, think again.

I love how you let me in to your life
you let me know certain things that
no one knows about you and I think
that’s special because I’m getting to
know you and I like that, I like getting
to know you I hope we can keep getting
to know each other as time goes on.
—  knowing you // excerpt from a book I’ll never write #10
My mood changes with music, with books, with movies, with nature. My writing comes to me like a message and I feel the urge to immediately pen it down, or else it will go. I long for inspirations, I want to write about people in love. It makes me happy. It makes me believe in the beautiful thing life offers. I want to write about heartbreak, because I want you to know, you are not alone. I want to travel, meet new people, learn about their lives, take pictures and maintain a journal. So that, when I look back few years from now, I want to know I was never lost, but just getting to my destination. To him. And one night, under the moon, I would whisper in his ears, I made it, we made it, life made us and all of it was worth it.
—  Bini // adventure

To love and to be loved.

But never at the same time.

//what a tragedy//

-Anava.

4

you should stan history

It breaks my heart to see you glancing at me like I am the whole universe. It is tearing me apart because oh god I know how you feel. I know how it is to look at somebody like they are your whole happiness. Because I am looking at him like you are at me. I just want him to look at me the same way. Oh got I would do everything for that. But now I cannot blame him anymore.
You are looking at me like I am the whole universe. And I cannot do anything. I just do not see the same thing in you. And I am really sorry because of that. I know how you feel. I feel the same way. But just like he, I cannot do anything about it. Even if I want to.