inspired by brians post

Local Dad Orders a Burger at The Coffee Spoon

(Based on the video: Local dude orders a burger at Starbucks)

Mat: Can I help the next guest please?

Mat: Ah hello sir, welcome to the Coffee Spoon, what can I get for you?

Robert, heavily distorted: Yeah, can I get a motherfuggin’ uhhhhh-hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Craig and Joseph: *giggling in the background*

Robert, still going strong: hhhhhhhhhhhh, burger?

Craig, Joseph and Brian: *breaks down laughing*

Mat: Sir, we don’t sell burgers here.

Robert, distorted: What do you mean you don’t se- *cuts off*

MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *laughing in unison*

Mat: We sell, we sell paninis and breakfast sandwiches-

Brian: OH MY CARDIAC ARREST.

Mat: -and coffee.

Robert, distorted: You think I know what a panini is!? *white noise*

MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *wheezing in laughter*

Robert, distorted: Just give me a burger! Extra cheese! *more white noise*

Mat: No!

Craig, Joseph and Damien: *giggling now*

Mat: We don’t have burger extra cheese! We have paninis-

Robert, distorted: You don’t understand-

Mat: No!

Robert, distorted: I need this. *white noise*

Mat: Sir!

MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *still giggling*

Mat: I’m gonna have to ask you-

MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *giggling so hard it overpowers Mat*

*Hugo walks in*

Robert, distorted: Why are you suppressing food from the public!? *white noise*

Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *still giggling so much that nothing can be heard*

Hugo: What in the hell did I walk in to?

Joseph: I’M CRYING-

Mat: Do you want coffee? Tea?

Craig, Brian and Damien: *cacophony of giggles*

Joseph: I’m crying…

Hugo: What happened?! Hold on, hold on…

Mat: Can I get you a caramel macchiato?

Robert, distorted: Yeah, I’ll have a burger, extra dip. *white noise*

Mat: We don’t have-

Hugo: Oh my GOD, the voice changer?! Really?!

Craig: I’ll have two number nines, a number nine large…

Joseph: I’m crying, oh my god…

Mat: Sir, this is the Coffee Spoon, not a McFridayz…

Robert, distorted: Please, they’ll take my wife if I don’t give them the burg- *cuts off, white noise*

Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *laughing again*

Mat: Sir! You’re at the wrong store!

Mat, sounding exasperated: You want a McFridayz, not the…

Damien: Why are you buying clothes at the soup store!

Robert, distorted: Hello? *white noise*

Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *burst out laughing again*

Mat: Hello??

Robert, distorted: I would like a burger. *white noise*

Mat: No!

MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *a mixture of laughs and wheezes*

Hugo: Oh my goooooood…

Mat: We sell, we sell coffee, and, and confectioneries here, Jesus Christ…

Hugo: Geez…

Mat: Boss, agdaj, I need to get the Manager…

Craig: Bro, how much of that did you get?

Joseph, Brian and Damien: *quiet giggles*

Robert, now echoing: COMPOUND!

Hugo: Eugh…

Joseph: What?!

MC, Craig and Damien: *wheezing*

Mat: Sir, do you want to-Sir, do you want to speak to the Manager?

Joseph: He’s ordering from the ether…

Mat: He’s ordering a burger-

Robert, distorted again: Can I get a fucking uhhh-

Mat: No…

MC: Oh my god…

Mat: He’s ordering, he’s trying to order a burger with extra dip at the Coffee Spoon…

When life gives you lemons...
  • Lindsay: Who wants lemonade?
  • Ben: Here comes a health shake
  • Deb: Lube amirite?
  • Ted: Just give them to Blake. I would only do it wrong.
  • Justin: Arrange a life scene, sketch them out. Possible incorporate Brian's cock somehow.
  • Mel: Use them as weapons against the patriarchy
  • Michael: When will life give me the pears i clearly deserve?
  • Emmett: Make a fabulous lemon tarlet
  • Brian: If i wanted lemons i would gone and got some myself, you think you know what i need? Fuck you life, you don’t know me.