Local Dad Orders a Burger at The Coffee Spoon
(Based on the video: Local dude orders a burger at Starbucks)
Mat: Can I help the next guest please?
Mat: Ah hello sir, welcome to the Coffee Spoon, what can I get for you?
Robert, heavily distorted: Yeah, can I get a motherfuggin’ uhhhhh-hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Craig and Joseph: *giggling in the background*
Robert, still going strong: hhhhhhhhhhhh, burger?
Craig, Joseph and Brian: *breaks down laughing*
Mat: Sir, we don’t sell burgers here.
Robert, distorted: What do you mean you don’t se- *cuts off*
MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *laughing in unison*
Mat: We sell, we sell paninis and breakfast sandwiches-
Brian: OH MY CARDIAC ARREST.
Mat: -and coffee.
Robert, distorted: You think I know what a panini is!? *white noise*
MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *wheezing in laughter*
Robert, distorted: Just give me a burger! Extra cheese! *more white noise*
Craig, Joseph and Damien: *giggling now*
Mat: We don’t have burger extra cheese! We have paninis-
Robert, distorted: You don’t understand-
Robert, distorted: I need this. *white noise*
MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *still giggling*
Mat: I’m gonna have to ask you-
MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *giggling so hard it overpowers Mat*
*Hugo walks in*
Robert, distorted: Why are you suppressing food from the public!? *white noise*
Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *still giggling so much that nothing can be heard*
Hugo: What in the hell did I walk in to?
Joseph: I’M CRYING-
Mat: Do you want coffee? Tea?
Craig, Brian and Damien: *cacophony of giggles*
Joseph: I’m crying…
Hugo: What happened?! Hold on, hold on…
Mat: Can I get you a caramel macchiato?
Robert, distorted: Yeah, I’ll have a burger, extra dip. *white noise*
Mat: We don’t have-
Hugo: Oh my GOD, the voice changer?! Really?!
Craig: I’ll have two number nines, a number nine large…
Joseph: I’m crying, oh my god…
Mat: Sir, this is the Coffee Spoon, not a McFridayz…
Robert, distorted: Please, they’ll take my wife if I don’t give them the burg- *cuts off, white noise*
Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *laughing again*
Mat: Sir! You’re at the wrong store!
Mat, sounding exasperated: You want a McFridayz, not the…
Damien: Why are you buying clothes at the soup store!
Robert, distorted: Hello? *white noise*
Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *burst out laughing again*
Robert, distorted: I would like a burger. *white noise*
MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *a mixture of laughs and wheezes*
Hugo: Oh my goooooood…
Mat: We sell, we sell coffee, and, and confectioneries here, Jesus Christ…
Mat: Boss, agdaj, I need to get the Manager…
Craig: Bro, how much of that did you get?
Joseph, Brian and Damien: *quiet giggles*
Robert, now echoing: COMPOUND!
MC, Craig and Damien: *wheezing*
Mat: Sir, do you want to-Sir, do you want to speak to the Manager?
Joseph: He’s ordering from the ether…
Mat: He’s ordering a burger-
Robert, distorted again: Can I get a fucking uhhh-
MC: Oh my god…
Mat: He’s ordering, he’s trying to order a burger with extra dip at the Coffee Spoon…