10.18.18. My mind-mapping seems to be helping me get through material faster, and I made a page to keep track of stuff for my memory aid accommodation. Also, I got a 90 on my first Bio exam! I am really surprised considering how underprepared I felt! The median was 77. I’m still behind where I should be as far as my study plan, and I got a bit off track today due to having feelings. The class coordinator forgot to send me a worksheet for Hardy-Weinberg equations before class, so I didn’t get my accommodation. Dyscalculia, slow processing, and not getting my worksheet early means I wasn’t able to participate. So, feelings happened. /: If he does that again I am going to have to get someone to have a word with him.
Please don’t hurt yourself. Please don’t give up. If you are triggered in any way please find something to distract you. Reach out for help. Talk to someone. Take your mind off of the thoughts, at least for a moment.
I care about you. I am here for you. Stay strong.
I am proud of you. You are alive and that is amazing.
You just have to do it. Show up and do it. No easy way out, no alternative solution, just get your butt in gear and do what you have to do. I’m deeply sorry to announce, there is no easy route in achievement, all you can do is work hard. Work like you want it to mean something at the end of the day. Work like you know exactly what you want. Just work hard.
If you are thinking about self harm or other self destructive thoughts, please dont give in to the thoughts. NO matter what you are going through the pain will not solve your problems. The thoughts may say that hurting yourself will help, but it truly wont.
I used to self harm. I used to give in to the thoughts of despair and hopelessness. I did it because the thoughts claimed it would help. It did not. In the end not only did I not feel better, i was now ashamed that I gave in. I was ashamed that I wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t good enough, wasn’t happy enough.
What I didn’t realize was I was already strong enough and good enough for being human, for being alive. Sure I wasn’t happy, but self harm wasn’t the way to become happy. Happiness will come in time and I just had to realize that.
When I stopped depending on self harm to feel better, I actually started feeling better over time. Sure there are still good days and bad days but now the good days way out number the bad.
So please, don’t give in to the thoughts of self harm. You deserve so much better.
When the time comes to work, you better work. Work hard and stay focused on what you want, but always stay flexible with your methods, sometimes plan A just does not work. You are capable of every task you set your mind to no matter how big or how small. Never give up on yourself and what you want. There is a fighter within you.