insomnia queen

This might be cruel, (and I am literally sorry Noctis x Luna shippers) but I wish that after Luna died that Noctis, finally, shifts his feelings to Iris, and had some peace with her before sacrificing himself. We all know Iris had a huge crush on him, and it is a shame he never saw her as nothing more, but a sister.

Maybe in alternative universe, Noctis could had lived, and alongside Iris, ruled over Insomnia, as King and Queen. Iritis 4eva! <3

3

If you really twisted my arm and made me choose an all-time favorite character, not just from FMA, but from anything, I think I would have to choose Lust.

Her development weaves beautifully with the show’s major arcs; unique, but still so connected to the most central themes of the series in spite of her limited interactions with the protagonists. Her quiet, deeply personal journey of self-discovery and internal philosophizing blows the tired trope of “What makes a human?” out of the water and breathes nuance into it. Hers is an arc of intense self-questioning usually only given to male characters, and it revolves heavily around men without ever subtracting from her own agency in the plot.

But writing is only part of the battle in a TV series, and BONES beautifully sells Lust’s shifting demeanor throughout canon through her expressions and body language alone. Pictured above is basically all of this character’s screentime. Comparatively, there isn’t a whole lot, but none of it is wasted, even though the truly head-turning segments of her arc don’t show until the series is already three-fifths over.

Episodes 1-34

Lust is effectively sold to the audience as the femme-fetale and the puppetmaster. Although there are whispers of a person who is in control of the homunculi, we are never given the impression that Lust has no control over the situation. She hides in the shadows, smirks and muses to herself from a distance, plays coy with the humans. This facade cracks only once: when Edward accuses her of being hungry for nothing but power. It is perhaps the first moment of unguarded emotion we see, and it is over as quickly as it begins, leaving use questioning, leaving us wanting more. 

But we aren’t going to get it for another 12 episodes.

Episodes 35-42

The tumult of her character’s journey. We see Lust through her own unguarded eyes and in her own environment rather than through the eyes of other characters. She’s not just showing up to stir the pot when it’s convenient, anymore. From the viewer’s perspective, she starts to remember her human life, but from an in-universe perspective, this first started happening to her two years ago. Beginning with her ruined reunion with Lujon and concluding with her first betrayal of Dante and the subsequent death of Scar, Lust is exploring. She is answering questions about herself, (Where did she come from?) only to be met with harder ones (Who is she, really?). She confronts the only remaining fragments of her past head-on, and it ends in disaster and a fall from grace with the only party she can call an ally. Played by Dante’s intentionally provoking decisions in Lior and desperate for answers and humanity, she throws away her allegiance to the other sins only to lose the spark of hope and connection to the past she has discovered for herself.

Save for Gluttony’s love and undying trust (Gluttony, whom she left behind to pursue her goals), she is now, effectively, completely alone.

Episodes 43-47

Lust breaks slowly, quietly, and with such grace that she finds meaning even in her measly death on an abandoned factory floor at the hands of a confused child. Her final weeks are like the last, no-holds-barred stand of a dwindled army. In a darkly appropriate full circle, she’s dragged from the desert back to Dante with her head hung in defeat. If there could be one added scene in the series, I would want it to be her capture between 42 and 43. There is so much potential for interaction between her and her fellow homunculi in those off screen moments, but we do get a pretty good idea of how it went down simply from body language. Pride and Sloth are quite pleased with themselves. Gluttony is terrified. 

And Lust is in a state of broken silence that never completely leaves her from this point forward.

There are genuine smiles, now, but they’re sad, weighted, and tired. She has dared to lower her walls a hair, only to have them stripped away and exploited. All she has left is a shaky alliance with the Elrics, and we know how well that goes.

Can there ever be dignity in death? It is a debatable question, but Lust comes damn close to it. She has exhausted every option, explored every feeble opportunity for hope beyond her life as an enslaved homunculus, but the cards were stacked against her from the start. She faces death with her memories of humanity and a gentle smile. It may not be a traditional blaze of glory, but it is a transcendence from all that has caused her suffering in her doomed second life. 

She’s free.

The Best Shows on Netflix For Napping

I am terrible at sleeping but I am pretty great at naps. My usual go to nap place is on the couch in front of the television. According to the National Sleep Foundation, when sleeping “during the day, find time for sunlight, or purchase a light box or light visor to supplement your exposure to light.” Hence why so many people nap in front of the TV.

TV nap time is a tricky situation though. For me finding the perfect nap time TV show has become an art. The following are a list of the best shows and movies available on Netflix that you should nap too.

1.     Finding Dory- To most people, this is treasured Pixar gem and while the movie is great it also offers tranquil music, ocean sounds and soft and quiet conversations. While this is mostly likely on a list of must watch while awake it’s a naptime gem

2.     Bob Ross: Beauty is Everywhere- This how-to painting show has been a nap stable for over 20 years. Ross has a smooth and quiet voice perfect for lulling you to sleep. 

3.     The Little Prince- Another film on this list that you should also see while awake. The Little Prince is based on the classic French story. This movie sounds like a dream and is one you will be happy to have mingled with your own dreams

4.     Short Films Collection from Walt Disney Animation- This collection is of short films that debuting with famous Disney movies including “Frozen” and “Wreck It Ralph.” These short films have soft, upbeat music that will lull you to sleep.

5.     Anthony Bordain: Parts Unknown- This cooking/eating documentary takes Bourdain all over the planet. The sounds of cooking and Bourdain’s deep voice is sure to have you either eager to grab a snack or in dream land.

So grab your essential oils, Himalayan salt lamp, comfy sweatshirt and get streaming to nap.

oh sing sweet [nightingale]

(I only sleep when the birds sing)

my mind runs like the Boston Marathon;
I have sniper synapses –
there’s a bomber in my midst;
& a rockstar on the cover of my dreams but
I’m too exhausted to remember unless
I’ve had enough hydration to hold me –

[let her sleep
for when she wakes
she will move mountains
]

even Florence couldn’t save me now–
I’ve picked apart Notes On Nursing &
lately I’ve been the lady with the lamp
making my rounds; discovering ways to
compensate for my sub par serotonin

if you want to do me a favor–
if you want to save my life–
don’t let me fall asleep;
don’t let me stay awake–

I don’t move mountains,
I build them –
I stack my expectations to elevations
requiring altered temperatures & times,
but avalanches of anxiety give way each night

I try to fade into the fallout
triage & tape together bits
of my pulverized pieces left over
after preventable implosions;
pause & strain to listen for
any signs of peace –

my heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
(I only sleep when the birds sing)

insomnia is anything but idle

When Sansa Stark left Winterfell she was tall already - she always had been, growing like a weed since the age of eight and seemingly constantly in need of new dresses when her old ones quickly began to show an inappropriate amount of ankle. The day the king’s party departed the keep she had to bend her head to let Robb kiss her brow, but they were young, and they would all keep growing. Next they met it would be him bending to kiss her brow.

Or so they thought.

Keep reading

laugh me a [lullaby]

You make me want to fall asleep with the lights on – your low voice rumbles when my eyes lose focus & you know I always fight it so you laugh me a lullaby.  Your pen scratching & your keyboard clicking warm me with a sense of safety, singing me to sleep.

I promise not to bother you; I’ll just slip in & out of consciousness while you draft your dreams or grapple with your ghosts.  Some nights sleep will escape me & the only release I seek leaves stains all over my hands & an indent on my fourth finger. 

We share a dirty little secret, our way with words.  Some nights they look best scratched down on paper; some nights they sound better through breathy moans. 

adventures in [insomnia]

brain is exploding with ideas.  better write.  six complete & full thoughts at one time.  only one hand can write at a time.  shit, dropped the pen.  where’s the pen?  what’s that spot?  oh, ink.  OH SHIT.  white comforter.  what kind of accident-prone masochist are you?  why are you even rolling your eyes at this question?  you know that stain was inevitable.  ah, pen.  write.

write six ideas in the margin so you don’t forget.  i only have four.  fuck. forgetting something.  the time?  already??  stare in the distance & ponder how the trees feel.  write it down.  

look at the clock.  see 3am.  bad omen.  try again tomorrow. 

No Sleep” lyrics:

[Chorus]
You’re missing me, I’m missing you
Whenever we meet, we ain’t gonna get no sleep
When I get to be together with you
It’s fait accompli, we ain’t gonna get no sleep

[Verse 1]

A vision rolling round in my head
But I don’t really talk about it
I’m loving what you’re doing to me
And I don’t wanna do without it
Day and night, I dream of us doing whatever
But I guess I’ll have to wait until that day comes

[Chorus]
You’re missing me, I’m missing you
Whenever we meet, we ain’t gonna get no sleep
When I get to be together with you
It’s fait accompli, we ain’t gonna get no sleep

[Verse 2]
48 hours in love
It oughta be a weekend marathon
So you better get ready, my king
Cause I'ma be the queen of insomnia
Stay wide awake
For every moment we spend together
Cause every second you’re awake
Feels like forever

[Chorus x2]
You’re missing me, I’m missing you
Whenever we meet, we ain’t gonna get no sleep
When I get to be together with you
It’s fait accompli, we ain’t gonna get no sleep

[Bridge]
Don’t have time to sleep but we can dream
So think outside the box, my baby
Show me how much you are missing me
I’ll read between the lines
And I sure hope it rains

[Outro]
We ain’t gonna get no sleep
We ain’t gonna get no sleep
We ain’t gonna get no sleep

3, 4, 5 [once I caught a dream alive]

4am & I are familiar friends.  Just like I wore out 3, the novelty of 4 is wearing thin.  4am is that chilling quiet when the drunks have passed out & the early birds haven’t stirred quite yet but I can force myself to shut my eyes with the reassurance of a three hour nap.  Guess I got too comfortable.

Hello 5am.  It’s been awhile.  Maybe I’ll just lay here & daydream until the sun comes up or until my alarm goes off. 

I’ll make my reveries my reality.