insignificantly

Rejuvenation Period (Or What Keith Calls Cuddling)

klance fanfic [keith and lance from voltron]

Summary: Lance and Keith are dating secretly, and after a hard day of training, Keith works up the courage to enter Lance’s bedroom. [wink wonk] 

Genre: smut [but jillian, that title sounds so fluffy, are you sure - ?] [yes. yes i’m sure.]

TW: internalized homophobia a wee bit

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Lost in Frozen Tides | M

↳ Précis | A beach house laying still before cerulean waters, an ocean where destinies intertwine, and serendipities drown in the arms of fate.

Originally posted by parkjiminer

Note — Your Name!au, aka body swap!au. Totally different from said movie, nonetheless, highly recommend you watch it. Also, ft. a high dosage of Kim Taehyung | Words ➳ 21.6k

Genre & Warnings — A glass of angst with a dash of fluff, and a sprinkle of humor. Warnings? uh..implied smut and mentions of death.


The window stood opened, sheer curtains occasionally being swayed by the frivolous breath of air from the outside — breeze kissing your skin delicately while you smiled in your sleep, hugging the body pillow even closer to your chest as you hummed, sinking your head into the plushness of the cushion. It was way past midnight, the owl’s faint hoos were welcoming throughout the atmosphere as they bounced around the area and the indistinct salty scent of the ocean’s crystal waters wafted insignificantly; melding within the zephyr to drown others in utter reminisce and nostalgia.

Your mouth hung open by how amazingly comfortable you were, having the best night’s sleep of your life inside the beach house your friend’s had rented to have the time of your lives. It was the first day of arriving late in the night, and the first thing you did was melt into the fine lusciousness your bed had to offer, immediately knocking out and having your soul diminish beneath the small parts of your brain. It was a long and annoying drive, being in the Range Rover with more humans than you can handle despite them being your friends — and now, you had the time to relax..or so you thought.

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Oh My My

Pairing: Avengers x fem!Reader

Word Count: 1500

Warnings: Still kinda lame, bad pickup lines (that I did not come up with), bad language, sexual innuendos, my writing

(A/N): My friend requested a second, more dirty, part. So, yeah…hope you´re happy. Kinda lamer than the first part, but whatever. And once again, if you see a pickup line/ dirty remark that belongs to you, please message me and I´ll gladly credit you. Enjoy.

Oh My

Summary: You thought you heard the last of me? Ha! Or: The Team attempts to cope with your You-ness.

Originally posted by models-in-motion-gifs

„Can you just…not…do that?“

Steve huffs impatiently, watching you turn and blink at him all too innocently.

“Do what, Captain? Admire the view?”

You gesture behind yourself, towards the small group of people that were currently being shoved into the back of a SHIELD van. Two young, handsome males and a beautiful, blonde female.

“They are terrorists, [Y/N]. Can you at least fake some professionalism?”

You shake your head with an amused smirk, your gaze lingering on him just long enough to see him reach out to massage his temple.

“What am I going to do with you?”

A laugh bubbles up at the back of throat and you turn, sending him a wink over your shoulder as you set into a casual stroll towards his motorcycle.

“My, Captain, I can think of a few things. Might need to stretch first though.”

His annoyed groan only serves to amuse you further, [E/C] meeting his cerulean blue ones just as he sweeps a hand over his slightly reddened face.

“I´m serious, [Y/N]. If you step out of line one more time-“

“You will give me a good spanking, got it, Captain.”

He buries his face in his hands with a shuddering sigh, the flush that spreads across his face delightfully bright.

And I can tell, today´s going to be a good day.


“How did you pull that off?”

Bruce´s disbelieving whisper drags a small chuckle out of you, your grip on his arm tightening insignificantly when he slowly leads you towards the emergency exit, flash-drive with the needed data safely stored in his jackets pocket.

“Like a wise person once said: If you can´t blow them away with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit.”

He snorts a laugh, opening the door for you once you´ve made sure that you could slip away undetected.

“You amaze me, [Y/N].”

“And we haven’t even slept together yet.”

You smile teasingly his way, easily slipping into the driver´s seat of your getaway car, while Bruce stands next to it for a few moments, shaking his head in a mixture of amusement and embarrassment.


You´ve had a lot of brilliant ideas in your life- a whole lot, but this, you decide, might just have been one of your very best.

“Please tell me I´m hallucinating…”

Tony´s disbelieving whisper drags a chuckle out of you, [E/C] sparkling in amusement as you push away from the set of suits that both Pepper and you have taken great pleasure in painting bright neon pink.

“Well, I am dreamy, but please do contain yourself, darling.”

He takes a shaky inhale, his eye twitching to the rhythm of his pulse. Or as doctor Cho would have put it, unhealthily fast.

“Don´t worry, it´s not waterproof”

You grin at him, reaching out to plant your lips to his cheek in an attempt to soothe his rattled nerves, before you lean back with a playful smirk on your lips.

“What do you say we get out of here, darling. To blow of some steam. Emphasis on the blow.”

He chokes on thin air, his eyes widening, and you take a picture, laughing at it and his truly priceless expression for the rest of your day-off.


“It´s beautiful”

You turn upon hearing Bucky´s voice, training your eyes onto the item the soldier was currently referring to.

It turned out to be Wanda´s new scarf, a fabric of gorgeous scarlet color that complimented both her powers and leather jacket lovely.

“Suits you”

Clint pipes up from across the room, sending you a quick look that almost begs you to say something also. Preferably something incredibly dirty. And who are you to disappoint?

“Indeed, it does. Maybe if you´re feeling a little frisky you´ll let me use it on you in more existing ways.”

She blushes and buries her face in her scarf, her cheeks as delightfully red as the fabric itself, while you merely take a calm sip of your tea and tone out Clint´s barking laughter.


You never failed to be pleased by Bucky´s delight at the simplest and most basest of things, one of the main reasons why you took to treating the Super Soldier to lunches and dinners every now and again, introducing him to various restaurants, bars and cafés while you were at it too.

“That was mind-blowing”

You grin up at him from behind your burger

“Not usually the circumstances I hear that, but I´ll take it.”

You narrowly dodge a fry that he throws your way, laughing at the small blush that tinted his cheeks as his creative imagination paved a way for, what you are sure, were some incredibly dirty thoughts and pictures.

“I hate you…”


“Wanna watch a movie?”

You smirk at Sam from behind the book that you were reading, teasingly raising a delicate brow.

“Why, Wilson, a little ´Netflix and Chill´ is always welcome”

He raises his own brows in slightly flustered disbelief, turning to Pietro for help only to receive a nonchalant shrug in return.

“Welcome to our world…”

You throw a book at the speedster, watching bemusedly as he calmly dodges it by craning his head to the right.

“Glad I´m flexible, right?”

“Certainly, although I´d love to find out just how flexible you can be, love.”

You treat him to a coy smirk and flirtatious chuckle, ruffling up his hair on your way to the elevator when you take notice of the color that set upon his cheeks.

“You coming or what, Wilson?”

“Me? Oh I-“

“Oh, I´m sure he already came!”

You laugh at Tony´s good natured jab, teasingly beckoning the flustered Sam to join you in the elevator with a wiggle of your index finger.


Patience, to most people´s surprise, had always been one of your strong suits, combined with the fact that you, not very unlike Natasha, were impeccable at stealth, it made you into a force to be reckoned with.

A force that Clint, just like HYDRA, learned to fear. For wholly different reasons.

“Boo”

A girlish shriek rips from his lips and you muster a self-satisfied smirk in return, watching him jump away from you, with clear amusement in your eyes.

“I hate you!”

He grips his chest for emphasis, wheezing and far from amused by your sudden and quite frankly startling appearance.

“Now that, darling, is where I beg to differ. I hold firm to the belief that I´m like walking heroin, very habit forming-“

“And it never ends well”

You chuckle at him and nod, offering him the basket of fries you brought along to share with the Archer.

“Now that this is out of the way, I figured you´d be hungry, after a jump like that.”

Nevertheless the withering look he gives you at the mention of his reaction to your sudden appearance, he takes the basket.

“To think you could be scared of lil´ol´me…”

“I wasn’t scared…”

And after swallowing, he quickly adds

“You´re not scary”

You merely grin at him, the flirtatious twinkle in your eyes unmissable and bright

“Well, in this case, rest assured, darling. I still have some tricks up my sleeve that can make you tremble- perhaps not in fear, but-“

You snort a laugh at him as he chokes on his fries and leave him to his demise, still coughing and red-faced.


“You know”

You crack your knuckles one by one, allowing your gaze to stray from her self-satisfied smirk and onto the heap of whimpering and unconscious HYDRA Agents before you.

“Shattering their bones is one thing, but shattering their bones, stepping on their manly pride and then laughing in their faces…”

You turn to give her a look of mock disappointment

“That´s just cruel”

“So, arrest me”

A teasing, lopsided grin is what it takes for Natasha to realize her mistake. Her green eyes flitting to where your hand is already reaching for your own pair of handcuffs.

“With utmost pleasure

“Don’t you dare”


You found Maria to be a person of utmost grace and intelligence. Someone who, despite being confined to her office for the better part of forever, still had no trouble slipping into the role of an active Agent if need be.

It´s unlike you, and if somebody were to point it out, you would most certainly deny it, but you admired that about her.

So, it came as no surprise to you when your eyes lingered on her frame for a moment longer than they needed to be, watching profanities leave her lips in an enraging volume if only to convince the target that she was truly offended.

Out of the corner of your eye, you catch Natasha´s gaze on you, her own green eyes twinkling in amusement as she watched your lips curl upwards at Maria´s impeccable performance.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Her voice reaches you over the com

“I´d love to make that woman scream for real”

It takes you a moment to realize why Maria cracks for a split-second, a flush setting upon her cheeks.

“She left her com on”

Natasha informs you and not missing a beat, she adds a questioning

“You´ll never stop, will you?”

You merely shake your head, teasingly winking Maria´s way when she sends you a half-hearted glare over the target´s shoulder.

A good day indeed

Promotion

Genre: CEO! AU

Pairing: Jimin

Fandom: BTS

Request: I need a Ceo! au with jiminie. I’m not a huge fan of smut so I’d like something really cute and/or angst

Originally posted by park-jimizzle

Today was absolutely nothing special what so ever. In fact today had started off so insignificantly that you woke up eating the same breakfast as the day before, got dressed at the same time, and made it all the way to work seeing the same people on the subway. You leaned your face against your hand with a sigh. You wanted to fill your head with day dreams of you accidentally getting stuck in the elevator with a hot guy or someone running up and confessing their love out of nowhere but your boss was expecting his coffee and sadly it was your job to bring it. 

“Good morning, sir.” You said, opening the door to his office.

Jimin sat at his desk looking over a folder to which you had assumed was the application of someone to fill you place when you were leaving.  You had only worked here for about a year or so and the only perk seemed to be having a hot boss. The rest of the time you found yourself bored out of your mind and unless he was willing to drop everything and bend you over his desk nothing would be worth staying here anymore.

“Good morning, Y/N.” Jimin says just like he does every morning, not even looking up at you. 

You walk over to set the cup next to him but stopped to look at the new application in his hands. 

“Find someone better than me, yet?” You said, jokingly.

He titled his head up to look at you. “I mean it’s not hard to find an assistant but I’m just trying to be cautious.”

You nod. “Yeah I understand. Well good luck with finding someone.”

As you take one step away from his desk you trip on your own two feet causing Jimin to jump up, grabbing your wrist and pulling you closer to him. You felt your own chest now being pressed against his, making his face turn a shade of pink.

“I know I should have asked this earlier but what location-” A co-worker of yours begins to ask but stops when she sees Jimin’s arms around you. 

“I-I’m sorry I should have knocked…Please excuse me..” She practically bolted out of the room. 

Jimin immediately lets go of you, flustered. “Oh great…”

“Um, thank you for catching me.” 

“I could have done a better job. Who knows what she thinks she saw.” He groaned. 

“I’ll go talk to her, okay? It’s not that hard to explain.”

“If you say so…I guess I’ll just have to leave this one in your hands. Thank you, Y/N. I’m sorry for grabbing you like that.”

You give him a smile on your way out. “It’s fine.”

When you shut the door he collapsed in his chair still blushing. He kept replaying it in his mind to only make himself more flustered. It wasn’t just because he could feel how warm you were, it had something to do with the eye contact the both of you shared. He had always thought of you as attractive but he never expected to act on it. Not that he did…or so he keeps telling himself.

As soon as you came out of the office you could feel everyone’s eyes on you. It hadn’t been more than 5 minutes and you knew the whole office had something in mind. Explaining yourself out loud in front of everyone would just make you look crazy so you just walked back to your seat. 

“It’s so cliche. The assistant sleeping with the boss.”

“Can you blame her? He’s crazy rich….”

Those were the kinds of things you kept hearing from whispers in the distance. You wondered if it was bad enough to report the rumors to Jimin. If only you could find the girl who walked into the office earlier and just explain everything this would all go away. Around lunch you slipped into his office secretly. 

“Can I speak to you?”

Jimin sits up. “…sure..What is it?”

“Uh, well i’m not sure how to say this so i’m just gonna say it.”

“Go ahead.” Jimin tensed up, thinking you were going to say the words he was thinking. That he could finally tell you how much he would think about you during the day and how much he would call you into his office just to share one or two words. 

“I think today should be my last day.”

He choked on his drink. “What? Is it because of earlier? I wasn’t trying to harass you, I was just trying to catch you-”

“Huh? Oh! No! I wasn’t talking about that. I mean it has to do with that…Um well, people are saying that we are…sleeping together? Of course, we both know we’re not but this could be trouble for you.”

He sighed, sitting back in his chair. “I don’t see the problem.”

“What?” You almost shouted. 

“Well, I practically own this place. Therefor I can date who I want regardless of it being an employee.”

You had a wave of shock plastered on your face. “But sir, we aren’t together-”

“Then how about it?”

“A-are you asking me out?”

Jimin stood up from his desk, coming around to the front. He stood directly in front of you.

“If you’re accepting it I am.”

You started to think about whether he had shown you signs of interest before this but you were still so in shock it was hard to think about anything else than what was going on now. 

“Will this effect my job?’” You questioned, cautiously.

He shook his head. “I won’t let anyone do a thing to your job. How about we go out for dinner and if it goes well then maybe we’ll make those rumors true.”

Your face was now the one turning red. 

“I’m just messing with you, Y/N.” He laughed. 

His whole face seemed to have lit up, showing you a new side of him. His smile was something out of a movie that made you want to keep seeing that. If you could be the reason for his smile that would only make it better. 

“I want to go on a date with you. To be quite honest…I have thought about it.” You admitted. 

“I guess that makes two of us then. Did you really think I kept needing help on the same thing everyday?”

Now you’re questioning yourself for not seeing it before. 

“So, it’s a date then?”

Jimin slid his hand out of his pocket and taking hold of yours. He lifted it up to his lips.

“Yeah, It’s a date.”

Reasons why 13 Reasons Why is so imp.

  • Deals with a highly sensitive topic; suicide that most shows stray away from.
  • Hannah’s signs leading to her suicide are the most common but the most overlooked 
  • Deals with socio-economic issues of race, poverty, abuse, sexual assault, labelling, bullying, gender issues etc.
  • Characters are not black and white but delves into the grey area of characterisation, and except for one character, most of them deserve redemption
  • DEPICTS HOW ONE ISSUE CAN LEAD TO ANOTHER UNTIL IT TURNS INTO CHAOS, HOW WE SHOULD LISTEN TO ANY PERSON HAVING A PROBLEM WITH SOMETHING EVEN IF IT SEEMS INSIGNIFICANTLY SMALL AT FIRST.
  • Deals with victim shaming, and issues that survivors of a traumatic event have to deal with it.
  • Most importantly, its clearly is signalling that if you’re having an issue no matter how small speak to someone, always reach out, call hotlines, talk to family, anonymous forums etc. If you’re a witness to something horrible, speak out and stop it from escalating. If someone is important to you, if you care for someone, TELL THEM. Don’t just assume that they know, show them, tell them you’re there for them.  It can change everything.

WATCH THIS SHOW & READ THE BOOK.

anonymous asked:

Mandy, do you have any headcanons for 2009 skype calls?

bravery

Finding strength through a pixelated connection, finding words they didn’t know they had within them. New and nervous and reaching out with the only tools they had. 

Phil would have been aware of how easily connections forged this way could dissipate; he’d have been there, time and again, already. Feeling like someone knows you better than yourself and in less than half a year feeling like they don’t know you at all. He might have been warier at first; not withdrawn, but segmented within himself: allowing himself to enjoy the friendship for what it was, but scared to feel more deeply. 

Dan would have had no filter. He would have had no idea what he was doing, but been determined to do it all the same. He wanted this, he chased this. At a point in his life where he wasn’t certain about much else and everything probably felt so transitory (broken up with his girlfriend, putting uni off for a while, losing his job) he made the decision to make Phil the thing he made tangible, the thing he tried at and kept at until he had what he wanted. 

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It’s so weird that you become so dependent on someone’s presence in your life that when it’s gone you feel so lost and don’t know what to do. That’s how i feel about ethan and grayson. I go to sleep smiling because of them and i wake up smiling because of them. I’ve gotten used to looking forward everyday to their snaps, tweets and videos and then fangirling over them with you guys. They are a major source of my happiness and I’m not gonna lie, now that they are having a hard time i feel like my days pass by insignificantly, wasted. I know it’s not healthy to live your life through someone else’s but at the moment that is how I feel. It’s only been a few days but it feels like it’s been a month.
I guess you really do miss the sun only when it starts to snow. It’s been cloudy for the past days and i hope somehow the sun will be able to shine through.
I miss our boys so much, i am constantly thinking about them, i want them to take as much time as they need and even though i live for Tuesdays i wouldn’t want a video this week. I don’t want them to force themselves anymore for us

Accidents Will Happen (Part 3/?) (Stark/Avengers x reader)

Warning: Fast spiral into heavy angst

Part 2

Looking back at that day, at that argument that was based on something so insignificantly ridiculous, you promised yourself that no matter what he did, you would never, ever be mad at Tony again.  You promised yourself that no matter what smartass comment would pass through his lips, you would always still kiss them goodnight without being angry.  You swore that you would tell him that you loved him every single day if only he would forgive you for what you had done on this day; if only he would wake up to do it.

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Request: 4. “We may hate each other but if we want to get out of this alive, we have to work together" 28. “Cocky much?” 49. “There’s no safer place for me than your arms” prompts with Barry Allen please? :))

“HER?!“ 

"HIM?!” You said at unison pointing at each other shamefully in disbelief, all three-Caitlin, Cisco and HR-grimacing awkwardly before sharing a knowing look an turn to the both of you.

 "Well-“ Caitlin started off nervously playing with her fingers, you interrupted her abruptly 

 "No way in HELL I’M WORKING WITH THIS DICKHEAD” you roared as Barry rolled his eyes

 "I can do this without her!“ Barry pointed out and you turned to him you arched a brow when you turned to him.

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letsdiscussrobots  asked:

Hello there! Could you write some fluffy Whirl headcanons with a human s/o please? ♥

One order of fluffy birb boyfriend coming up!

-Whirl is like that best friend that pranks you terribly and snuggles up to you at the end of the day, banged up but content after a lot of fun and devious shenanigans.

-You two love to laugh! Jokes, pranks, chaos, drama, salt, etc. You name it and you two are there, most likely making it worse by snickering at it. Bonnie and Clyde have got nothing on you two shit-disturbers.

- Secret fact: it makes him melt a little when you giggle at even his worst jokes.

-You two always go on some kind of crazy, daring adventure together; every day is the day to “carpe that diem right in its face” as he likes to say. Your ideal date is somehow ruining Ultra Mags’ life and then making a wild run for it when he invariably finds out you did it.

-He’s not terribly good at romantic gestures, so instead he tends to show off like mad, and you always go along with it, cheering him on, whooping and hollering. 

-Whirl will always keep you somewhere safe, whether it be on his person ( did I say safe? I meant “safe”) or hidden high up to catch him in action. He later brags about it and you swoon over-dramatically, to which he commences some kind of play war.

-Play wars, half of the time, end up in you getting a scratch or hurt very insignificantly, but you love to make Whirl squirm, so you pretend to fake cry in order to make him freak out and cuddle you.

-You often refer to him as THE WORST™.

-You call each other “babe” and other terrible pet name unironically.

-Secret fact: Whirl is generally regarded as rugged and without a shred of gentle circuity in his body, but you know otherwise. He has his tender moments, though he vehemently denies they even exist to any other person. Like how you kiss him on the side of this face when no one is looking, and he’ll get all flustered and uncharacteristically bashful, and mumbles incoherently while nuzzling you like the giant mess that he is.

- You like to stuff a bunch of pillows and blankets into Whirl’s cockpit and take naps there time to time. Even though he claims to be a precise murder bird ninja con-killing machine, he’ll still tip toe and be extremely cautious while you’re in there. He’ll also shush any passerby that talks above a whisper while you sleep, referring to you ask “precious cargo”.

-Secret fact: Both of you share the same favourite movie franchise: Die Hard, and you will make references to the series at any chance you get.

Black Butler Chapter 127 spoilers

As much as I want to join in the salt from the leaked stuff from the new chapter, (mainly Sebastian not reacting to Agnis death) I don’t think this is bad writing at all. Sebastian is a demon and has always been a heartless asshole and having that change over the death of Agni wouldn’t be like Sebastian, or Yana at all? As I see it, it doesn’t matter if Sebastian liked Agni, Ciel just said a few chapters ago he didn’t care about them so why should Sebastian? Sebastian sees human lives as insignificant and is only in their world at all to eat Ciel’s soul so if the master he serves “doesn’t care” why should he? Of corse we all know Ciel is just being a petty child and more than likely, even if he doesn’t know it at least cares about the 2 of them a bit so treating the situation so insignificantly could just as easily be a cruel joke on Sebastian part to mess with Ciel, he’s not like he hasn’t messed with him before. I would honestly love a bit of emotion out of Sebastian but that’s just not who he is?? But I guess we’ll just have to see how it really plays out when the chapter comes out

anonymous asked:

Any Forbidden klaine fics?

We Aren’t Who We Were by littlelionblaines

“Now we both have separate lives and lovers, insignificantly we both have significant others. Only time will tell…” Future!Klaine. Kurt and Blaine begin a secret, passionate, very forbidden relationship. Could this casual fling turn into something more?

Indiscretions by shandyall

As childhood best friends in the 40’s and secret high school sweethearts in the 50’s, Kurt and Blaine never would have guessed they’d both end up married to women in the 60’s. But even when the world they live in keeps them from walking hand in hand, there’s nothing they can’t face side by side.

Skin On Skin by Ulysses31dancer

Kurt wins a VIP ticket to meet Blaine Anderson the rock star. He doesn’t realize that this one incident will change his life forever.

The Walls Keep Our Secret by Thesoundofmeaning

Kurt Hummel is a member of the New Directions of McKinley HS and Blaine Anderson is a member of the Warblers of Dalton Academy. The schools’ show choirs have been feuding for years and it is a rule that members never associate with each other. But when Kurt and Blaine have a chance encounter that could change their lives forever, will they give all of that up for their groups?

The Warbler Is A Tramp (WIP) by @sarkyblueeyes

Down on his luck after graduating NYADA, Kurt Hummel jumps at the opportunity to become personal assistant to the hottest boy band in the world. The Warblers are British, preppy, talented, and handsome. But their openly gay and notoriously promiscuous front man, Blaine Anderson, has a reputation that has left their manager, Wes Montgomery, no choice but to take steps to ensure they don’t lose another employee to his libido. Is a legal contract enough to keep Blaine a professional distance from Kurt, or will he charm his way into Kurt’s bed and by extension, his heart?

So the above skinny shelf you see before you is the ENTIRE “Romance Section” of this little independent bookstore a few miles away from me (the section directly to the right is “general fiction”)

I love independent bookstores, I whole-heartedly support the idea of shopping locally and shopping indie, HOWEVER, as a Romance fan it really bothers me how so many indie bookstores either don’t keep much in stock when it comes to Romance, or not have a Romance section at all.

Romance is the biggest selling genre in literature; there’s a reason stores hardly ever put Romance on sale (like those “buy 2 get a 3rd book free” sales you’ll always see for general paperbacks) because stores know they would lose money if they did that, because we Romance fans would BUY OUT THE SECTION within a matter of days if not hours for such a sale like that!  That’s how popular Romance is!  And yet to see it treated so…insignificantly…by independent bookstores, is really heartbreaking!

It’s great that a lot of independent bookstores offer a wide variety of books in other genres (the Mystery section at this  particular store was an entire wall!) but it will forever sadden me that they don’t seem to care or reach out to the Romance fandom.  I’d like to think that if such stores offered a wider/better variety of Romance…or simply offered Romance at all!…we Romance fans would be in full support of such stores and helping Indie bookstores everywhere flourish!

Anyway, that’s my two cents

Rusted Shadows, a Dramione fanfic, Chapter One.

The ten year anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts dawned quietly, insignificantly, the same sunrise that peeked over perilously dark clouds the day before. There was nothing in the weather that spoke to a special day; it had rained yesterday, and it would rain today. But still, Hermione Granger-Weasley watched with an air of reverence.

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LETHAL | Mafia! Au | Jungkook X Reader | Smut | Part 4

Mature content ahead, sorry for any mistakes, and thanks for reading this!

Originally posted by queenwithcollars

The next morning, you sat on the couch across from Jungkook in the apartment. Thankfully, Jungkook had put some clothes this time round, and was wearing a plain black t-shirt and black ripped jeans: clearly a preferred combination of his.
Yoongi had ordered you to brief Jungkook on everything he needed to know, and the things he did not necessarily need to know - there could be no secrets, not among successful mafia.
‘Let’s get down business,’ you began, as Jungkook yawned.
'Good, I’ve been ready for the last five minutes,’ Jungkook retorted, and you scowled at him, not deigning to even bother to make a comeback.
'You’re a member of the Shadow Mafia now,’ you told Jungkook, and he nodded. 'As I’m sure you’ve already guessed,’ you went on, 'there’s a feud between us and the Park Mafia, which Jimin is the head of.’
'Why the feud?’ Jungkook questioned, leaning back on the couch, putting his arms behind his head. This was serious; how could he be so relaxed and disrespective?
'A long time ago,’ you explained, 'Yoongi and Jimin’s father were partners. The two sides there are today were united. The pair were unstoppable, and closer than brothers. They made millions every month, trafficking drugs, stealing art, assassinating lesser opponents.
'My mother was always at Yoongi’s side, never once abandoning her brother. Due to this, she also became close to Jimin’s father.
'Over time, Jimin’s father began to develop feelings for my mother. Feelings that he soon discovered were most likely not going to be accepted, when she married and had me. Nevertheless, Jimin’s father still made a move on my mother: and his feelings were rebuffed.
'He was furious. Yoongi once told me that Jimin’s father had a horrendous temper: he could be blinded by rage, and kill a man in a heartbeat, and feel no remorse afterwards.
'Jimin’s father, well, he took his anger out not only on my mother, but my father to. He killed them both one night while they slept. I was still a baby - he spared me, although I’ve never known why.’
Jungkook was sat up now, his brows creased, his hands folded in his lap. 'I’m so sorry.’ he murmured, his expression grave.
'No need to apologise,’ you replied with a shrug. 'Not your fault.’
'So,’ you continued, 'When my uncle found his beloved sister and her husband dead, he immediately set about working out who the culprit was. It didn’t take I’m long before he identified Jimin’s father.
'My uncle, he holds a grudge. No matter how insignificantly you wrong him, no matter how large, he won’t forget. So he simply did not allow Jimin’s father to know that he had killed my parents. Until he next saw him again, that was, when he shot him on sight.
'Today, the feud goes on because Jimin wants desperately to avenge his father’s death, by killing both Yoongi, me, and everyone close to us.’
Again, Jungkook simply nodded. He was silent - which was a miracle - and seemed to be just taking all the new information in. After a moment he asked, 'Since Yoongi raised you, you were forced into this life, weren’t you?’
Nodding you said, 'I was. It is what it is. I’ve grown to love this profession as if I had chosen it myself, so that’s that.’
Jungkook looked at you with apologetic eyes, and softly murmured, 'You deserve more than this.’ You held his gaze for a moment, quite shocked by the sincerity in the usually cocky bastard’s eyes.
And then he clapped his hands, and got up from the couch, averting his eyes from you. 'Well, that was heavy,’ he announced, snapping back into his audacious self. 'I’ll make us some lunch: my treat,’ he told you, and you knew he was just trying to lighten the mood.
But you nodded, welcoming anything to force the dark memories swirling round your mind away.
*
You retreated to your room while Jungkook cooked lunch, and after ten minutes of rest, you heard a cry of, 'Fuck!’ from the kitchen.
Leaping up off the bed - which was a mistake, seeing as you had still not fully recovered from your beating the other day - and quickly but quietly moved into the kitchen.
Over by the sink, Jungkook was turning on the cold tap with one hand, whereas the other was clutching his finger.
'You idiot,’ you chuckled. 'Did the big, bad hitman cut himself chopping vegetables?’ you questioned patronisingly, sauntering over to him.
'Shut up,’ he told you with a glare.
Shaking your head, you asked, 'Where’s the first aid kit.’ Still holding his finger, Jungkook motioned to the cupboard on your left.
You retrieved it and set it down on the kitchen counter beside you. It was impossible for you to refrain from laughing when you saw it’s contents.
'Hello Kitty plasters?’ you snorted, picking up a pink plaster with hearts and stars patterned on it, along with Hello Kitty.
'They were here when I moved in, okay?’ Jungkook frowned, holding out his finger for you to put the plaster on.
'Sure they were,’ you said as you rolled your eyes, before putting the plaster on Jungkook’s finger.
'All better,’ you cooed in a sickly sweet voice, flashing him a fake grin.
'Aren’t you going to kiss it better?’ Jungkook asked, batting his eyelashes at you.
He was expecting you to refuse, so you decided to surprise him again: his reactions were always so funny.
You pressed a butterfly kiss to the tip of his finger, which the plaster was wrapped around. His lips parted in surprise, and he seemed to be speechless.
'What?’ you asked with a smug grin, 'Hello Kitty got your tongue?’
With that,  you turned and stalked away from him, but your phone pinged in your pocket. Pulling it into your hand, you read the message that was upon the screen. It was from Yoongi.
You spun round to face Jungkook again, who was cutting peppers (more cautiously this time).
'Jungkook,’ you called, 'looks like it’s time for your first job.’

3

Ken Troops Bolas is perfect. These lines convey his arrogance, yes, but also his sheer power. An omnipotent being is much more impressive if they say things like these rather than a simple “one down”, or “you’re next!” or even “I will crush you!”
Bolas’s lines make you feel insignificantly small and powerless, like he’s an adult scolding a toddler. And that’s exactly what I wanted to see.

What the shadow functions actually do, according to what I’ve been able to gather from various sources


First off, it’s relevant to note that the ordering, number wise, has more to do with how close they are to your “ego” and just having them mirror the first 4 functions than their actual strenfght - If we’re talking only about the ones in the stack, this corresponds with strenght, but if you feature in the shadow functions that’s not necessarily the case, not just because their ordering is actually closer to “6th, 8th, 5th, 7th” but because they’re interspersed with the main ones - that’s right, often you get the idea that they’re all so insignificantly developed that they hardly make a difference, like string theory style extra dimensions,

If you’ve ever taken a cognitive functions test that measures them all individually instead of just the preferences, you might in fact already have come across this phenomenon: If their strenght were in order of numbering, you would expect that for an INTP, the 8th function (Fi) would be the lowest, but I actually had a relatively high score - other people will have almost equally high values on ‘mutually excluive’ functions like Fe and Fi. More on that later, but this alone should indicate that they’re actually somewhat important and serve some unique roles in your psyche.

5th Function -

This one is comparable to your tertiary in strenght/ tends to be in the “average use” bracket, depending on how much you’ve developed your teriary of course, but you probably hardly use it and find doing so very exhausting or counterproductive. Nonetheless, the fifth function is the one shadow function that you can consciously flip on to its full extent without needing to learn how to do so, when the situation calls for it, but it’s likely that you don’t want you:
In fact it’s called “opposing” or “negative hero” function because you might really resist having to use this one, or feeling you need to filter it out. Take, for example, and INTP for whom the 5th function is Te - INTPs are not known for organizational skills (to say the least) and like many perceivers actually feel uncomfortable with too much sheduling, but there’s more to it, because in a way it represents an alternative approach: Te is concerned with finding what seems to work on an almost completely empirical basis, Ti, at least in a high-end user, is about finding out why things work or putting them in a self-consistent framework where most factors are accounted for - ultimately even here we need room for a reasonable doubt,
The Te shadow might be the reason for this phenomenon where the diaries of some reclusive, reasonable INTP-ish researchers are found, and it’s discovered that they were well ahead of their time (Gauss is a famous example) and had the next decades’ worth of advances sitting right there, but didn’t pblish them because they weren’t fully sure off/ satisfied with their
Since “pragmatic feasibility” (or whatever your fifth function is) is already a sort of devil’s advocate in your head, it can also come out in arguments/debates, when you’re “opposing” others - Say, your criticise an INTPs model/theory/conclusion, and they will pull some facts, studies, or feasibility considerations to support their conclusions. (I’ve actually observd this in myself) Or, I read one INTJ reflecting on the Ne shadow; The person observed how when their ideas are criticised, they would defend them via “finding alternatives” - For how the person they’re arguing with could be wrong, or how to patch up/ bugfix their Ni-derived idea with minor changes.

I’m not fully sure how this would work for someone leading with a feeling function, but I have noticed a pattern that I previously just chalked up to my general poor people skills and delicacy, where an ISFP in my family (5th function: Fe) would become upset about something that went wrong/ she felt she mucked up, and I would try to move to comfort her in what might have been a clumsy-tastic way, and she would react really negatively and get out the snarky voice. Now it has dawned on me that dealing with me in addition to the initial situation probably just added extra stress and that I should probably let her finish reacting internally instead of repeating my points (”Come on, it wasn’t your fault”) -.-°

(Although it can’tthat my skill at comforting people rarely goes beyond “it’s the thought that matters” and my perceptiveness rarely exceeds picking up the obvious, ie, that a person who’s crying or saying they’re upset is probably upset. She probably has more Fe than I have even if she mostly uses it to tell a person when they should back off and let her internally process in peace)

But in all examples you can see that this is a relatively “narrow”, small scale application of the function: Your starting point is your base function’s conclusion, you don’t - and likely can’t - scale the whole field of possibilities.

At best, this can slightly ‘round out’ or complement your primary and thus become a part of yourprocess (for example: devise theory -> go test it! Or, in a job rather than private setting, recognize the need to have someone else do the testing) but you’ve got to be careful not to use it in a wholly self-serving way (ie, confirmation bias. Only cite studies that agree with your theory, only find possibilities that , only pick up that ridiculous Big sis is being ridiculous and not that she’s trying to help (though lemme state that litte sis is not guilty of this, she was more like, “I get that you mean well but take a hint” if more politely worded))


Interestingly, just like your inferior supposedly influences your choice in mates a bit can lead you to go after someone you see as having something you lack/ an idealized version of yourself, the fifth function influences your idea of “dark sexy”, the bad boy/girl rather than the dream one or a sentiment “I don’t think I could or want to be like this person but there’s some parts of them I can’t help but admire or be slightly jealous of” (at least according to Beebe theory).

6th Function -

This is perhaps the most interesting one, and therefore one I wish I had  found more information on - You find more information about the other three as they can really cause problems, aligning with the base idea of the shadow functions as “stuff you suck at that you don’t realize you suck at” (as opposed to say, your inferior, where your suckage is more unpleasant but also more noticeable to you personally.) but the sixth function is more about stuff you’re good at that you don’t know -

Depending on which source you believe (and the individual’s) this can be anywhere between nearly as strong as the secondary function, and comparable to the primary one. This is actually one of your strongest functions, a “latent hidden strenght” every type has, and actually uses every day without noticing. It’s called the “demonstrative function”, maybe because others actually notice it more easily than you do and might even value this good quality in you.

So I’m particularly interested in learning how to get more use out of this. My 6th function would be Ni and I think we can all agree that Ni is basically black magic.

About how exactly you use this, the sources vary. Some sources say that the into/processing this gathers feeds into the conclusions of your base and auxillary, but you don’t know how to flip it on independently of those. Like the fifth function (Like in the INTP example, “I need to know WHY/HOW I know so I don’t trust, or dare to make, an estimate”. Conversely, an INTj might not see the point in dissecting something in detail when they’re comfortable making the mental jump to the end result and don’t see it getting them closer to their goals) Some said that it’s things that seem “obvious” to you, that you see without being aware that actual thinking/processing has taken place, or that you use them in “inverted” negative ways as a tool for criticism (sort of like the fifth one) and part of your panic mode.

When I first read this I was clueless as to how this is present in my life but I’ve since read up on both this thing and Ni and observed my thinking and… I do frequently find myself going “I should have known this would happen because of A and B” in a self-critical way/ and avoid A and B in the future, sometimes I even distinctly recall a moment where I thought “Won’t that thing happen if I do this?” but dismissed it (maybe I should follow/trust that more often?)

Ni is also supposedly tied to symbolism, analysis of deeper meanings, predicting what will happen next in a story, finding patterns etc. This is something that at very least interests me as a fun hobby activity.  

To give another example, my mom is an ENFP, so her sixth function is Fe. If you asked her why she does things, she would reply in a way indicative of Fi-style internal processing, “I believe in XY value”, “You can’t do [wrong thing] and expect your children to grow up with [positive trait]” or “I think WZ is important”, but she’s a lot more loudly expressive than other Fi users in our family, and cultivates a warm and lively atmosphere around her.

Or for, INFJs, it’s Fi. They’ll reason in very other-oriented ways of wanting to help and do right by everyone, but when reading their many tumblr posts you do get the sense that many of them actually have deep ethical/personal convictions.

7th Function -

Called the “Point of least resitance”, “Vulnerable Function”, or “Polar Function” , this is your weakest function overall, even more pitiful than your inferior, so unused as to seem completely absent, and as such quite relevant to what makes up a person because this is the thing that everyone else in the room has or is consciously or unconsciously sensitive to, while you aren’t, and might not know the thing you lack is even a thing.

This is why it’s often called the “blind spot” beccause it’s really like not having a sense - or lacking a screen on which to broadcast certain things.

Even more so than the inferior, it’s an “all-or-nothing” thing, either completely off or berserk - on the other hand, this being off most of the time contributes to the freedom you have with your auxillary, as this function rarely ever flips it off, and having people who do not respond to one certain communication channel can, in a way,  be helpful to society as you will also be nearly immune to some of its pitfalls and have an unique perspective with which to evaluate things.

In fact the guy explaining this said that he sometimes finds it easier to type people by what is utterly absent fem when they’re hard to pin down.

You are likely to distrust things or activities related to this function and ome ppl expend a lot of energy resisting it, so understanding it and the philosophy behind it/ what it does for others can help a bit, though mostly you’ll have to use your other functions to compensate for this/ express some of the things you’d normally use this one for in a different way.

Again this is something that’s easier to see in others than yourself - My brother is an INFP and it’s easy to see how he’s “Se polar” it’s something I noticed about him long before I had a word for it, though of course from my perspective it looks different than most ppl’s.  He’s even less into material things than me and generally the most civilized,patient, reasonable guy you could find,  and I can count on a hand the times I’ve seen him display overt agression (if anythng he gets passive-agressive when truly stressed), just very little animal parts inside him.

For me, this would also be Se, which, in the simplest way, is about data intake and immediate in-the-moment reaction to things, so obsly, I’m clumsy, I miss stuff that’s directly in front of me, I’m not that big on pretty objects (MTBI has really helped me understand why some people do and look at them in a different, more neutral/open fashion), I usually do things for a reason…

But there’s more to it, the “secondary powers” include being really aware of posture - a high-end Se user is going to be someone with good and reliable instincts and reflexes and “intuition” in the colloquial, gut-feeling-y sense rather than the myers-briggs sense (not quite “mere” impulsiveness and way more reliable), they’d be more aware of what their body language is projecting, the tangible impact they’re making,  or have more deliberateness about it, force and the ability to make themselves seen,  and these are all things I don’t really have.

I might accidentally come off as irreverent, but on the other hand, someone going all alpha/gesturing isn’t going to intimiate me that much nor is status that big a temptation, so society’s going to have this reservoir of quiet people who step out of the shadows to say  “Wait a sec big guy, this does not make any sense/ is unethical!”

So when all those ppl told me to “show more assertive attitude/ body language to scare off bullies” they might as well been talking chinese to me. From what I’ve read another way this can manifest is that INXPs don’t have this poking them in the butt telling them to produce tangible results so we might spend much time building our ideas without ever doing anything with them which… is certainly a problem I’ve encountered, actually doing stuff.

So… don’t assume INXPs are pushovers.

I guess the same could be said for, say, IXTJs (7th function: Fe) who might come of as serious, humor-less an unpersonable… but might or might not actually be that way once you get to know them, they’re just not aware of how/why to broadcast it beyond perhaps a purely intellectual understanding of the concepts.

Or, EXTPs (7th function: Fi) and how some of them might come off as hilariously inappropiate/ insensitive sometimes. They might genuinely not realize/ not have intended to cross any lines and it’s possible that they have some personal principles/codes in their own way.

It is possible to learn to tap into it (say, an INXP who learns to project a bit of a presence for public speaking or to become slightly less clumsy at sports) but it’s never going to be more than a slight mitigation.

I, personally, have come to find that I can walk down a street in such a manner that ppl are slightly less likely to run into me, make myself slightly more aware of the weight and outline of my limbs, notice slightly more things in the corners of my vision field while doing so, and speak in a manner that is… not exactly assertive but more chill than clueless, and… that’s it. As long as I have complete unbroken concentration, that is.

(I have little to no interest in becoming more athletic or imposing anytime soon, but it was an interesting experience)

The last two functions also shape and influence your concept and perception of evil, both what you associate with evil and what sort of evil particularly shocks you. For example, an INFP could particlarly dislike shallowness and uncivilized barbarism. (What did Tolkien (one notable INFP) make the enemies? Hordes of bestial Orcs and people who were crazy for status.)

8th Function -

The so-called “Role Function” also potentially relevant for mistypings and the like.

This is a function you actualy have a pretty decent understanding of, comparable to your tertiary depending on how much you’ve practiced it (and as you can practice this one way more easily than the other shadow functions this can vary) but as it’s the most disconnected from your sense of “self”, you see it in a very “instrumental” perspective - At worst, as something society or the external world expects from you, and at best as something that’s sometimes useful as a tool - hence why socionic calls it the “role function” as it’s used to play a societally expected role-  

So sometimes this is something you see when you first meet the person,

In the case of 8th function Fi, (as for INTPs),  this might be a person who’s formal and polite in word choice but blunt in the actual content of what they’re saying, or, as in my case, sometimes over-the-top stiff polite with new people,  but not very polite at all, or even not seeing that much actual value in it.  (I’m somewhat polite with new people/ never know when to first-name-basis someone, but in private (or online) I pretty much say “fuck” a lot.)

Now you Fi affectionados might wonder, “But isn’t connectin to your core self the whole point of Fi? What does it even do?”

Well, I write. I do discuss ethical conepts sometimes, I’m fairly articulate at describing nuances

Kind of frustrating that I can describe in detail the complicated motivations/ mixed feelings of some fictional character or discuss varying position to an issue, but can only express my own as “XD”, “=D”, “>.<”, “.////.”, “:(” or “Rawwwr!!” thanks to my brilliant Fe - which is why I have really preferred written communication from an early age. But on the other hand, I didn’t see this as a painful limitation of my self, but just “can’t make other ppl understand my point/rationale”

Which is anotherthing about the Role Function - there’s a tedency for you to veer off into your lead function’s territory/ steer the conversation/argument there, like seeing an ethical discussion in terms of “what makes sense” and such concerns or putting feelings into analytical frameworks.

Because while the role function is halfway decent, it “describes” the same sphere as your lead function, which is very comfortable to use so you default to it.

This can also lead to scrambled signals, such as presenting something as a factual conclusion that’s really fueled by subconscious emotion, or, conversely, an INFP might present something as an ethical conlusion that really comes from a place of calculation - So this is a pitfall to watch out for.

But as it is ‘disconnected’/ unvalued/ not used for actual decision making, in some respect it might well be as ‘nigh-absent’ as the 7th function - For example, I’ve always been rubbish at describing myself for online profiles. Other people just immediately spit out a description, I often find myself having to use conscious thought when asked for my preferences -

Whereas when you ask me specific questions, I can react to them and come up with verbose replies by the power of Ne.  

Another classic example is an EXTJ using Fe - They might seem warm in the job interview or know the strategic value of cultivating a sense of cameradery in their followers, but are actually “get down to work!” sort of bosses in day-to-day life. You’ll see some of them use artificial charm or finesse here and there but underneath, be actually pretty awkward when forced in situations relating to their genuine emotions, and there’s no ‘pipeline’ between the true feelings and whatever produces their artificial projections.

I also know one INFP who was moderately good with maths & had mild interest technology, so he had some decent Ti there, but he didn’t use it as a basis for personal decisions… at all, and, after giving a semester of computer science a go, decided that a job where he’d have to do math all day would not be fulfilling to him/ decided to become a history teacher instead and use his “reasonable diplomatic big brother” skills to mentor kids and tell the curriculum in an interesting way. (ie, something that would utilize more Fi)

As a general statement, I find it interesting how each type uses each function (including the ones on the stack) in a very unique way even if they’re weak, so when you feel frustrated with your inability consider that if you don’t get discouraged, you might add something unique to the world. Your teritary and inferior might but they can be - or at least become - actually pretty good in things related to your main interests/ pursuits - Say, an INTP will never be any good at logistics or picking up what person X wore on day Y the way a highgrade Si user would, but Si is apparently what saves and catalogues all that random nerd knowledge. Another example I read is that an ESXPs Ni is quite workeable on a “short range” context, like having some gut feeling about a business desicion or how your conversation partner is going to react to the next thing you’re about to do, though it often spits out only doomsday scenarion when used “long range”/ “large scale”. Or lowgrade Fe manifesting as troll humor and a general, abstract caring about “the greater good” while still being able to make hard logical decisions… there’s times where society might need someone with a perspective like that as much as it very much needs the directly interpersonal caring and nurturing of an EXFJ.

Home Part. V

Nightmares

Word Count: 1775

Warnings: None?

(A/N): Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

дорогая : darling

Part. I , Part. II , Part. III , Part. IV

Originally posted by journey-illusions

Both the hollering sirens and the violent dog barking turn to but white noise as she reaches the sanctuary of the forest, the redhead close by, running just a couple of feet in front of her.

Her heart is hammering in her chest, the pounding painfully loud and awfully distracting as she dodges both trees and fallen branches alike.

She sees the redhead trip, watches her fall and land in the freezing snow beneath.

The fall makes her halt, her ears now picking up a sound other than the crunching of the snow beneath and the dull sound of the sirens in the distance.

Footsteps

Clamoring, confident footsteps that seem neither hurried nor quick, yet still keep closing in frighteningly fast.

How long they could have been heard, she doesn’t know, yet when she finally manages to pull the redheaded girl to her feet she finds herself no longer caring, for a shadow overlaps her own and the sound of the footsteps fades into tense silence instead.

She sets the younger girl into motion with a gentle shove and turns, willing her wild blue eyes to meet her predator and her body to prepare itself for battle.

She is met with a still figure in black, cold [E/C] eyes boring holes into her own frightened pair, black rings smeared sloppily underneath, and freezes in a mixture of disbelief and surrender.

You found her.

You always found her.

“Game over, дорогая.”


The sudden jolt to your immediate left both wakes you from your dream and startles you.

She’s sitting up and shaking, hands fisted into the sheets that pool on her lap, while her eyes scan the room for signs of intrusion.

She finds none and you can almost feel the relief that floods her upon the realization.

“Another nightmare?”

You know that attempting to start a conversation now is as tactless as it will be futile, but she had those since the day she came back with you and right now, almost four weeks in, you want to do something about them- anything really.

You know what it’s like, waking up and being too afraid to go back to sleep, but you don’t tell her that.

“Yeah”

Her raspy voice breaks the silence and for a short-lived moment you allow the surprise to show on your face.

She never responded, not until now.

“They’re getting worse”

You tell her idly, taking in her rigid frame from the corner of your eye.

“I don’t know what to do about them.”

She admits quietly and you sigh, easing your hold on her wrist to sit up on the bed next to her.

“Talking might help.”

You state and at the same time she looks up and sends you a deep frown.

“Do you talk about yours?”

A huff, that’s all you can muster, surprised that she picked up on it so quick. Surprised that she seemed both doubtful and genuinely interested all of a sudden.

Surprised because you weren’t a screamer, nor did you trash around in your sleep. You simply froze, relaxing only when it was time to wake up and your demons crawled back to where they came from to gather their strength for the next, inevitable nightmare.

“Usually”

Your eyes find hers and they soften, insignificantly perhaps, but she notices and stays silent.

“I mostly drive around though.”

A look at the clock tells you that it’s hardly past midnight and a further, quicker, look at her stoic face gives you a, perhaps foolish, idea.

“So, what will it be? Aimless driving or talking?”

Her green eyes bore holes into yours for a moment that is short on record, yet feels not unlike a cruel eternity to you, before she takes a long breath and avoids her gaze to the bedsheets in her fisted hands.

“I take option number three.”

You agree with a nod, standing and pulling her to her feet. She looks startled, eyes wide and body poised.

“What are-”

“Option number three: Listening to music, while driving around aimlessly.”

And not missing a beat, you add a “Smart choice” for good measure.

Dismissing her glare, you throw your thick, grey hoodie in her face, while you grasp at your black leather jacket and open the door. Despite the frown on her face, she follows you outside and settles into the passenger seat of your car, watching you as you start the engine.


The drive is long and silent, but neither of you seem to mind. New York is beautiful, even more so by night, and the soft music from the playlist that you picked for sleepless nights like these does nothing but add to the comfortable atmosphere that set between the two of you.

“It’s gonna rain”

You mumble idly, watching the clouds roll in as you round a corner, stopping at a red light and watching a few cars speed by.

The joys of living at the outskirts.

She doesn’t even acknowledge your statement, the lack of reaction bringing forth some sort of curiosity, that you sate by casting a glance her way.

And sure enough you see her fast sleep next to you, head leaning against the window, lips slightly pursed, while the sleeves of your hoodie are caught in her clutches.

You smile at the sight laid out before you.

She looks younger in her sleep.

Less troubled too, now that she is no longer plagued by nightmares.

The green light comes on and you speed up again, raising the volume slightly as your favorite song comes on, while your fingers drum a familiar beat against the black steering wheel.

She doesn’t remain sleeping for long, although now it isn’t a nightmare that disturbs her slumber, but the sudden roar of thunder outside.

And maybe it’s her tired mind that gives voice to the question that’s been stuck on her mind for weeks now, or perhaps it’s her genuine curiosity that decided to peek through when her guard is at its weakest and neither her thoughts nor her mouth seem to have a filter.

She doesn’t know, and if she’s honest, doesn’t care enough to ponder.

“Why were you in the Arena?”

She notices your lips twitch, yet right now, in the dull light that the street lamps provide her with, she has trouble making out the blur of emotions behind that small gesture.

She’s lying.

Even if you were standing in the spot light right now, surrounded by nothing but the brightest of lights, even if she had all the time in the world, she’d never be able to truly tell what you’re thinking.

Much less what you’re feeling.

It terrifies her.

She doesn’t want to think about it.

Not now at least, maybe later.

Maybe, when she’s more awake and the red light of the traffic lights doesn’t look as beautiful to her as it does when it’s dancing in the strands of your hair.

Maybe when she can be annoyed with you again.

With that overly calm, yet somehow still caring and understanding attitude and the air of tranquility that you seem to not only carry but also radiate.

Maybe in the morning, when she can glare at you again and pretend to be annoyed at yet another kind gesture of yours, halfheartedly perhaps, but glare none the less, at you and the breakfast that she’ll never admit to genuinely enjoying​ out loud.

Maybe then, but most certainly not right now.

“I failed a mission”

She stays silent, eyes lit up with questions that she’s hesitant to ask.

“I’m a fossil, ginger

The nickname comes back, yet it does little in easing the sudden buzzing that fills her mind at your sudden statement.

It´s torn out of context, unexpected and completely confusing to her, yet the look you send her, when you round yet another corner, tells her that those five words have been stuck in the back of your mind for quite some time now.

“Older than you, actually.”

You chuckle lightly at the look that crosses her face, although the situation is hardly anything but gravely in this one instant.

“Worth good money still, though.”

A shadow passes over your eyes, it’s quick, almost unreadable too, but she's​ seen it many times before.

She’s seen it on the face of the soldier that trained her, the look of regret and guilt and complete and utter powerlessness.

A look that told the story of every choice that was torn out of your grasp.

A look so utterly broken, that for a second she saw the soldier, Sad Eyes, sitting in your place instead, staring at and right through her with his distant pair of eyes.

The look is enough to sate her curiosity, maybe not entirely, most surely not completely, yet for this night your answers are more than just enough.


You keep your eyes carefully trained on Natasha, watching her own glowing pair trace the ballerina´s every single move with fascination and admiration.

She´s graceful, perfectly beautiful and passionate, you have to admit so much, but so is the redhead to your immediate right.

Maria and Clint, much to your genuine surprise, have long since lost themselves completely in the display of dazzling elegance, while your own pair of eyes remained glued on Natasha ever since the dancers have made their first appearances.

You know that she used to dance, it was part of her training, the main reason for her incredible agility and the biggest portion of what she can remember from her time as but an innocent child.

You are aware that the Red Room ensured so much.

You´ve seen the aspiring Widow´s perform, seen them move along the stage with unmatched poise and effortless gracefulness that had Russia´s richest staring in awe.

And now, as you watch her hold her breath as the prima twirls and spins in the arms of her partner, you wonder whether she had been the only one to ever truly enjoy it, all of the dancing.

The grand performances, the adrenaline rush and the roaring applause surely must have at the very least dulled the pain and misery that followed the dreaded Red Room in its wake. Not entirely, most surely not completely, but you are certain that if there was something enjoyable about the training, then it surely was the ballet.

The dance comes to an end all too soon, and Natasha almost springs to her feet, clapping wildly and, dare you think, almost proudly and excitedly for such an amazing dance, while you suddenly discover more shades in the red curls of hair that you´ve taken to staring at for the past hour.

There´s a twinkle in her eyes, a spark that lit them up and made them glow bright enough for you to momentary get distracted by their beauty.

And for the entire ride back home you are left wondering, whether at some point her worst nightmare had once been her most sacred dream.