insidethe

Should I try to hide
The way I feel inside
My heart for you?

Would you say that you
Would try to love me too?

In your mind
Could you ever be
Really close to me?

I can tell the way you smile
If I feel that I
Could be certain then
I would say the things I want to say tonight

But ‘til I can see
That you’d really care for me
I will dream
That someday you’ll be
Really close to me

I can tell the way you smile
If I feel that I
Could be certain then
I would say the things I want to say tonight

But 'til I can see
That you’d really care for me
I’ll keep trying to hide
The way I feel inside

The Zombies | The Way I Feel Inside 

things that happened during the fire drill we just had

  1. the alarm went off while one girl was in the shower and she started talking to me about how there’s still shampoo in her hair and she’s naked under her robe and her nipples are as hard as rocks and she forgot her keys and her roommate isn’t home and her suitemates disappeared so she’s gonna be naked and locked out of her room. i’ve also never seen or talked to her before in my life
  2. someone’s pizza got delivered but the pizza guy couldn’t go inside to deliver it so he just screamed out “ALVEY 319 UR PIZZA’S HERE!!” no one answered so he just stood at the edge of the crowd until we went back inside
  3. the shower girl confessed to me that the pizza belongs to her suitemates and then she started going off about how she’s not about to go up there and get it for them because they disappeared also she’s basically naked
  4. some girl randomly decided to climb a tree even though it’s windy af so the tree was swaying everywhere but she still went all the way to the top?? and when she got down people awkwardly clapped??? at this point shower girl decided to leave and go find her suitemates. i didn’t see her again after that……. godspeed 

well, here’s my stim toy collection!

  • one of the colored tubes (boinks) is melted shut at both ends, with a marble inside
  • the rocks are representations of my lovely smooth rock collection which is too big to be shown here, whoops
  • the square thing is mushy styrofoam beads that stick together
  • the phone case has infinite bubble wrap on the back!
  • yeah, that’s a pot holder, but it suctions to your hands sooooooo nicely
  • the silver sproingy flower thing is the COOLEST and there’s no way i can do it justice in that pic
  • three textures of tangles! silicone coated with nubblies, fuzzy-flocked and smooth metallic!
  • the weird balloon is a stress ball, filled with confectionary sugar
  • the sand in the tupperware is MAGIC and never dries out ugh sit’s so good
  • i count my uke as a stim toy, cuz i use it as such sometimes
  • the blue thing over on the left is an ankle weight, and i’ll wear them when i just need extra pressure
  • i couldn’t find my chewy pirate ship :(
  • my weighted blanket was Too Big to include

some of these came from @stimtastic, some are homemade, some are just…amassed after years of sensory-seeking

(i’m sure i’m missing something…….)

I enjoy KH with all my heart (HAH) but there are some things that annoyed me to hell and back on my first (and next) playthroughs:
  • the shark in Atlantica
  • the Iron imprisoner 
  • getting lost in Monstro’s stomachs
  • ANTI-FORM
  • walking in on Sephiroth in KH1 like the piece of shit I am
  • the Phantom (fuck you forever and ever)
  • BUT FIRST YOU GOTTA GIVE THE PRINCESS BACK HER - blah, blah, blah, you know the rest
  • that one card in re:CoM that made the entire room pitch black
  • that stupid fire-spitting fat heartless nightmare
  • on that note, if I see Agrabah one more time I swear to fuck
  • getting my ass handed in DDD on critical
  • also that Frankenstein-Pete? WHAT
  • Captain Dark at Command Board
  • the car heartless (this guy deserves a fuck you from me and everyone else tbh)
  • RULER OF THE SKY? REALLY???
  • falling down Oogie Boogie´s stupid mansion
  • trying to locate all treasure chest in DDD without a guide (seriously I just gave up at some point)
  • Vanitas Lingering Spirit literally killed me inside
  • the new ape heartless in 1.5 you can’t fucking dodge its attacks
  • GUMMI SHIP BUILDING
  • defeat all enemies in 1 turn
  • no AP left
  • Monstro swallowing you even though you need to be somewhere fucking else but his stupid stomachs
  • the Peter Pan command board 
  • TORNADOS (as if a graveyard wasn’t bad enough already)
  • THE CAR HEARTLESS I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH 

so yeah how about that huh

Nuclear
Mike Oldfield
Nuclear

Standing on the edge of the crater
Like the prophets once said
and the ashes are all cold now
No more bullets and the embers are dead
Whispers in the air tell the tales
Of the brothers gone
Desolation, devastation
What a mess we made, when it all went wrong

Watching from the edge of the circus
For the games to begin
Gladiators draw their swords
form their ranks for Armageddon

I’m nuclear
I’m wild
I’m breaking up inside
A heart of broken glass
Defiled
Deep inside
The abandoned child

Standing on the edge of the underworld
Looking at the abyss
and I’m hoping for some miracle
To breakout, to escape from all this
Whispers in the air tell the tales
of a life that’s gone
Desolation, devastation
What a mess we made, when it all went wrong

I’m nuclear
I’m wild
I’m breaking up inside
A heart of broken glass
Defiled
Deep inside
The abandoned child

I’m nuclear
I’m wild
I’m breaking up inside
A heart of broken glass
Defiled
Deep inside
The abandoned child

a sugakookie poem:


it should have been a clue

when i entered the room

how your cheeks went red

how your smile grew


how at my touch 

you trembled lightly

how at my touch

you held on tightly


shoulders touching 

and fingers brushing

how did i not notice 

your heart was rushing


these signs, these clues

left for all to see

how come i never knew

what you felt for me


it was strange

when you called my name

my heart beat changed

and sparked a flame


i could not comprehend 

this strange new emotion

inside my head

causing a wild commotion 


but damn when i knew

that i had fallen for you

my world fell apart

and started anew


and you waited too long

for my poor self to see

that you had your whole heart

completely open to me


and it broke me inside

the secrets you hide

waiting for me

always by my side


tears that fall 

like gentle rain

caused by realization 

of your silent pain


and it stained my heart

my very soul

i knew at that moment

i was not whole


i needed you

to fill the gaps

and i better start

repaying you back


for all you’ve done

for staying by my side

i swear i won’t run

i swear i won’t hide


i’ll stand before 

your shining eyes

where beyond the veil

your secret lies


i’ll gather the courage

and finally confess

that all this time

i was a mess


and it took me awhile

but here i am

with a smile

a fragile lamb


i know you’ll be kind

i know you’ll understand

i know you’ll be mine

i know you’ll take my hand


i was hopelessly caught

like a fish on a hook

and i owe it to you now

to say that i, yoongi, am in love with you, jungkook


thank you for 1000 followers ~

I don’t feel a thing ‘cause I’m so dead inside

the black // asking alexandria

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i had the most fucked up hxh dream last night

usually i don’t remember my dreams but i actually woke and scribbled notes. here is what i can put together:

  • new season of hxh anime, except it’s no longer based on togashi’s manga because he’s still on hiatus. i have Bad Feeling
  • a new character is introduce – your typical generic big titty anime idol girl. for some reason, she is performing a concert on whale island and gon is watching. i remember thinking her outfit reminded me of a frog.
  • you know when you’re dreaming and you just KNOW things? well, i KNEW that this big titty anime idol girl wearing a hideous frog-inspired outfit was going to become gon’s love interest
  • i’m immediately concerned because she looks like she’s in her 20s and gon is still a Child but i do a google search and she’s apparently 11 years old and i feel like i’m dying inside
  • the next scene is killua and all his siblings hanging out…. outside…. somewhere that looks like a desert (i have no fucking idea). completely unrelated to the idol concert, killua just…  BREAKS out into a musical number. i remember pausing and being like “this isn’t fucking happening”. i also remember being upset because his voice actress isn’t the same.

AND HERE IS THE BEST PART

  • out of second-hand embarrassment, i skip most of the episode. but for some reason, the anime becomes live action towards the end. gon and killua reunite, but they’re being played by ben stiller and owen wilson.

aaaaaaaand that’s when i woke up in a cold sweat and immediately wrote down what the fuck just happened

anyway, i’m totally at peace with the extended hiatus now. because after all, there could’ve been anime original big titty generic frog idol girl and also ben stiller and owen wilson

Story time!

once upon a time
there was a box

the box was all alone, and couldn’t even open itself to see what was inside
it was a very plain box, you see
and the box always wondered why it was there
if only someone came to open the box and show it what was inside

The box waited and waited

And one day, there was a daring hand that opened the box.
The hand of an adventurous king

The box wasn’t sure what was inside, but the one who opened it immidiately fell in love and took the box with him.

He kept the box in a tower to keep it safe, keeping all its mysteries and treasures a secret because they were too wonderful to be in the wrong hands
He’d open the box in secret all alone, and sometimes, he’d share his adventures and treasures, putting them in the box for safe keeping.
Everything the king treasured, he put inside the box, and it made the box feel special and loved.
But the box still didn’t know what was originally inside, and sometimes the hand would take something out for himself that the box didn’t even know was there in the first place!

It was all very confusing, the box loved being given gifts and being kept safe in the tower, the box thought that it couldn’t possibly be lonely now…
But over time… it began to wonder again… What am I? And what’s out there?

The box couldn’t speak, you see, so it could never ask the adventurer what was there. It could only see what was shown, and there wasn’t much to see in that tower but a window and whatever was brought in from the outside.

The box started to get jealous of the king.
The box wanted so badly to see whatever it was the king saw.

The box felt even more alone and more lost than ever before, and sometimes it wished it was never opened or found.

And for a long time, the king didn’t come. Longer and longer, the box was left all alone, and the king looked at it less and less.

The box began to think that maybe whatever was inside wasn’t really very special after all. Maybe the king stole it all, and the box would never know what was inside.

The box began to hate the king. And the tower. But there was nothing the box could do but wait all alone.

… To be continued…

i’d like to remind that

  • finland’s average temperature is below zero
  • here buildings are built to keep warmth inside
  • the air is extremely humid at summers which amplifies how hot the air feels
  • people actually start dying here in 25C and above temperatures
  • buildings do not have cooling systems. even basic electrical fans are very rare

some good louis things to think about when sad

  • the way large jumpers fall down his shoulder (and the sleeves down his wrists)
  • the fact that if he was your friend he’d 100% fight anyone who was mean to you
  • getting fast food while wearing no shoes
  • that old interview where he was really cute and flirty and said “i love grease”
  • “it said not to dial nine, so i dialed nine”
  • comfy clothes?? all the time?? louis is cozy chic and it makes me feel warm inside
  • the man goes to award shows in band t-shirts.. i love him so much
  • his soft voice when he talks to fans and calls them “love”
  • you know that video clip of someone complimenting his voice saying he makes 1d sound so special and he gets the loveliest smile and says “thanks”
  • i forgot what this post was about but anyway i love louis!!! so muc.h..
POEM

i want
to get lost
with you
in the woods
for a while

i want
to climb a tree
and i want
you
to climb
a different
tree i want us
to look at
each other
while we sit
in different
trees i want

to memorize
your face i want
to yell your
name until
we are surrounded
by wild animals

i want
us to be
wild
animals

i want
to lick
the end
of your nose
and rub
my head
against
your chest

i want
to wear
your clothes
after taking them
off you
i want you
to want me
to take off
your clothes i want

you to hold
my hand and
break every
bone
in my hand i want

my body
against
your body
i want
your body
against
my body

i want
to hide
in your armpit
for a while

i want
to take control
of a plane and
fly it into
the eye
of a tornado

i want
to text you
from inside
the tornado

hi i’m in a tornado
don’t worry
i’m doing great
how are you?

INFP - warm on the inside

Idealistic and loyal to people. Curious and quick to see possibilities, can be a catalyst for implementing ideas. Seeks to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential.

Warm on the inside

The INFP typically hides their inner warmth until they know a person well. INFPs are very faithful to the people and values that matter to them.

INFP personality type traits

  • SEES SELF: without illusions, but constantly hopes to improve.
  • OVERRIDING NEED: to expand self understanding.
  • IRRITATED BY: abrasiveness, materialism, intrusions into privacy, efficiency at expense of human cost, people who pull rank.
  • STRENGTHS: encourages creativity and participation, offers complex and acute insights into others with warmth and positive support.

Idealistic perfectionists

Because they their only true judge is themselves, INFPs may become their own worst critics – and may face a life-long struggle with perfectionism.

  • SEEN BY OTHERS: as perhaps shy and indecisive, but capable of occasional and surprising toughness.
  • DECIDES by putting self inside an issue, may postpone closure by generating so many options.
  • IRRITATES OTHERS: by untidiness, guilt trips, daydreaming, rushing into unwise actions.
  • CHALLENGES: may delay both starting and finishing things, allow their inner critical voice to destroy confidence, become sarcastic.

INFPs: careers, hobbies and examples

  • LIKELY INFP CAREERS: Fiction writers, counselors, psychiatrists, musicians, actors, roles in education and religious service. To the INFP a career is a vocation that fits with their strongly-felt value systems.
  • LIKELY FAMOUS INFPs: Albert Schweitzer, Audrey Hepburn, George Orwell, Helen Keller, James Taylor, Neil Diamond, Peter Jackson, William Shakespeare.
  • LIKELY INFP HOBBIES: Poetry, creative writing, music, photography, theatre and the visual arts.
  • LIKELY FICTIONAL INFPs: Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes), Doctor Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space 9), Doug Funnie (Doug), Fox Mulder (X-Files), Rocko (Rocko’s Modern Life), Tommy Pickles (Rugrats), Allison Reynolds (The Breakfast Club).
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42 Days of the Mountain Goats: Day 22: The Mess Inside

The Paper Towns movie comes out in 20 days. In the book, the Mountain Goats are Q’s favorite band. Completely by coincidence, the Mountain Goats are also my favorite band. So I thought I’d share a John Darnielle/Mountain Goats song I love every day from now until July 24th to celebrate the movie and the band.

Today we have ‘The Mess Inside.’ Second to last song from All Hail West Texas, I swear, but boy do I share tMG’s fascination with the American idea of the geographical cure.

Money line: “Tried to fight the creeping sense of dread with temporal things. Most of the time I guess I felt alright.”

Sometimes I watch old episodes of Torchwood and I’m happy

but then i remember

owen is dead

tosh is dead

ianto is dead

gwen is dead inside

jack is dead inside

the hub is destroyed

and eveything is ruined

Mama Cat’s “Season in a Bag”

The end of summer is coming and Mama Cat’s favortie season is on it’s way. She loves the smells of warm coffee and cool autumn air. She loves the cozy feeling of being wrapped up in a fleecy blanket. She doesn’t even mind when her pockets are full of tasty coughdrops for the flu and cold season. This bag is a money, luck, and happiness charm all wrapped up in the perfect  little packcage. 

Needed:

a medium bag made of cloth (Mama Cat used a decorative burlap bag)

a smaller bag to go insidethe medium bag

cotton balls (for that warm, fuzzy feeling)

dried orange peels (for bringing in laughter)

pumpkin seeds (simply festive)

allspice and cloves (brings in money and luck)

coffee beans (smells delightful, brings in money, and is a fall staple)

a single coughdrop (the kind that tastes amazing. This helps bring in some sweetness)

pieces of cinnamon bark (brings luck and adds some warmth)

How to:

  • Combine cloves, allspice, cinnamon bark, and a few pieces of orange peel in the small bag and either sew it shut or seal it in someway.
  • Add a good handful of coffee beans to the bottom of the medium bag. Add a layer of cotton balls and then a layer of orange peels. Layer these until you get to abou the middle of the bag. 
  • Then, add your small bag and layer again with cotton balls and orange peels. 
  • Try to make the final layer out of cotton balls. Place the coughdrop on top and sprinkle with pumpkin seeds.

Keep this bag around during the fall season and have a happy harvest.

I feel the absence deep inside
the marrow of my bones,
and I know how lost I am,
damp with clichés.
I can’t produce any sound
to articulate the poetry
    trapped behind my mind,
    locked up in my soul,
    chained to my heart–
I’ll never fully
understand my own
essence. Love is
a foreign concept
and here I fallen,
bruised and confused.
I need myself
more than I need
anyone else, and
that thought alone
holds my fear.