we?”, you asked the Doctor. He hadn’t mentioned anything about
visiting anywhere else, since you basically just came back from a
not-so-friendly encounter with some Daleks.
The Doctor didn’t
answer. Instead he randomly started turning some buttons and switches
on the control panel.
you asked once again. “Is everything alright?”
He looked up at
you and smiled. “Of course. Look outside, everything’s
fine.” You raised an eyebrow, but made your way to the
door. Slowly you opened it and stepped outside.
We’re basically infront of my front door.” Now the Doctor came
outside as well and stood beside you. “Well, yes, we are. I
thought maybe you would like some time back home?”
I…”, you started. Actually you did want to continue travelling
with him, why would you want to go back to your old life? But then
you thought about your family. Your parents, your siblings. Finally
right. Probably I should spend some time with my mum.” The
Doctor smiled, but not in his usual cheerful way. This time it seemed…
nearly sad to you.
“What are you
going to do while I’m here?”, you asked, rather worried about
him. “Oh, I have something left to do.” You raised an
eyebrow. That did not seem very convincing to you.
I have a time machine, haven’t I. I can fly of now right to the time I’m going to pick you up.”
The Doctor stepped into the TARDIS. “Goodbye, (y/n).
But he got interrupted as you shot straight forward,
wrapping your hands around his neck and hugging him tightly.
"Promise”, you demanded, while still hugging him. The
Doctor hesitated slightly, but returned the hug nonetheless.. “I
Pleased with his answer and smiling widely
you let him go now and with a last wave you went to your house. As
you turned around one last time, you saw the Doctor waving to you
with a serious expression on his face, before he turned around and
disappeared inside his TARDIS.
He didn’t come
back. And he wouldn’t. That was at least the only logical solution to
why he hasn’t been back yet. But that didn’t mean you would give up. Sometimes on your way
through the streets, you’d notice something blue and immediately turn
around, just to realize, that it would be nothing more than a balloon, or a
shopwindow, or – most likely – nothing at all. The Doctor was
gone for about two years now, and even if you knew, that he sometimes
had some problems with punctuality, it was clear for you, that he’d
probably left you. If you’d ever should spot this stupid Time Lord
once again in your life, he’d surely had to listen to some insults
you collectedover the years especially for him.
You were on your
way home, listening to music and save from the pouring rain under your
umbrella, as a shiver ran down your spine. Bewildered you shook your
head. This was probably nothing, you decided, right before something
different caught your attention. Again something big and blue. You
squinted your eyes to see better. For a short amount of time you
thought you’re eyes were playing tricks on you again, as they had
made often before, but as you walked closer, there was no doubt
left. You stood directly infront of the TARDIS.
knocked. No answer. Of course not. You rattled softly at the
door. Locked. Of course.
You sighed. Well
then, you had no other possibility than waiting for the owner of this
big blue box, placed directly on your way home.
Well, you could
have just gone away, leading you’re life as you’d done for the last 2
years. After all it wasn’t a bad life either. But then you remembered
the day he left you and suddenly your decision strengthened. “He
promised”, you whispered to yourself, standing infront of the
TARDIS, your umbrella firmly in your hand.
You hadn’t a clue
how long you had waited, for the only thing you did was thinking
about what to say to him once he would arrive. And how he’d react.
Would he be sorry? Would he send you away again? Or would he not
recognise you at all? All that thoughts swirled in your head, as
you heard someone coming nearer. Probably another passerby, so you
kept your gaze lowered at the street, as you noticed that the man had
stopped walking. Curious you lifted your head and looked at your
right to see a stranger weirdly looking at you. He had brown hair
and wore a light brown jacket and a red bow tie.
Why was he looking
at you like this? You contracted your eyebrows and opened your mouth
to say something, but he was quicker. “(Y/n)?”, he
asked, stepping nearer to you.
slightly scared you looked up to this man. He didn’t
seem dangerous to you, but what made you uncertain about him was the
question where on earth he knew your name from.
you?”, you asked and stepped nearer yourself now to examine this man you found yourself across from.
Your gaze wandered
over him until you eventually looked into his eyes.
They were green,
you noticed, but that was definitely not everything . There was
something else inside his eyes.
These old, old
eyes you knew so well.
you, and you slowly stepped backwards, your eyes opened wide.
“Doctor?”, you asked breathlessly, whereupon the man in
front of you gave you a small smile.
“So in there is a library” the doctor said bouncing on his toes as he showed Donna the inside of the TARDIS and its many corridors. “A library?” she retorted “Yes a library, why not?” he quipped back and she smiled at his own excitement. “Nearly every book ever in there” “And what about in there?” she asked pointing at the next door. “Swimming pool” he said and she frowned “How does all the water stay in?” she asked and he rolled his eyes “Oh lets take the fun out of everything” he sighed and Donna rolled her eyes back at him. In doing so one door caught her eye, different from all the other smooth and polished doors, this one was falling apart, held together with what looked like duck tape. It was in a dark corner where as the others where in the light. “What that, there?” she asked and nodding to door. “Nothing… just… nothing” he said and she could see that his face had fallen a little, like it did when he was remembering something bad. “Doctor?” she asked softly, her eyes full of sympathy “Doctor, are you alright?” it was as if he had blanked out, ignoring her and involved in his own thoughts.
Hours later, with the doctor distracted by a problem on the console, Donna crept off in search of the door again. On trying it she discovered that it was locked, but the wood was so rotten that she could easily pull it away and step inside. On entering Donna’s heart broke. The room was white filled with pastel pinks and blues. But it was dark, single beams of light filtered through as if moon light was coming in making the room eerier that it should have been. But on looking closer Donna saw what the room truly was. There was a double bed… a vanity table covered with bottles of perfumes and picture frames… a baby’s cot each covered with a layer of dust. “Oh-“ she breathed realising what the room was.
The doctor dashed around the console hitting parts with a hammer here and there causing several sparks to erupt out of the centre. A beep caught his attention and he ran around to see the screen again and he froze solid. The system had been set up to tell him if anyone entered the room he had locked long ago.
“I told you, nothing” the doctor said stood in the doorway, his long coat on and his hands in his suit pockets making him look more god like than ever in the darkness. Donna spun round to face him, tears in her eyes. “Doctor-?” she asked and he sighed taking his hands out of his pockets and walking into the room. As he did so the lights came on and Donna could see the full extent of the room. “What happened?” she asked and he sighed letting his fingers run across the surface of the vanity table. “Her name was Y/N” he muttered looking at a picture on the table. “Do you want to talk?” Donna asked and the doctor pulled a face. “She um…” he trailed off. He struggled to open up to anyone, only Y/N seemed able to make him do that she didn’t even need to try. “You don’t have too, but…” Donna’s words trailed off as well. “She was pregnant…” he hands touched the wooden cot mixing up the dust. “What happened to her?” he sucked in a sharp breath the same way he did when he was trying to be brave “She died” he said and made to leave. “But doctor…” “She died… thats it now… please… Donna” he said and looked at her with pleading eyes. “Okay” she nodded understanding “I’ll be here if you need me” she said and he nodded watching her red hair as she left him alone in the room.
The doctor paced around angry that Donna had forced him to relive the painful memories. Yet another someone he had loved had gone taken from him: “Doctor?” “Hmm?” “We might have a small… tiny… like… it’s not even the size of a pea problem” she said wincing a little as she tried to measure the scale between her two fingers “That means its a big problem, like end of the universe big” he said a look of worry covering his face and she shook her head before flopping down on the seat at the edge of the console. “No, not… not quite that big. Like I said minuscule… I mean it doesn’t even matter really” “Y/N, just tell me!” “Fine, here” she said and threw him something, for him to catch. “Y/N? Your not?” “Small very small-problem…” she whispered before burning her head in her hands.
The doctor ran his hands on the cot, his tears spilling over as he remembered. “I’m sorry Y/N” he whispered.
i wanna watch the new dw for bill but at the same time i dont think i can stomach even one more of those ‘the future’ sets from moffat’s era where everything is big empty white rooms like why does moffat era suck all the character out of the future its so bland and boring lmao
“No, (y/n), you don’t understand!” Frustrated the Doctor hit against the handrail inside of the TARDIS. He had turned away from you, facing the wall, hands clutching the rail. Slowly you took a step closer to him. “Doctor…”, you started, but quickly he interrupted you. “I could have saved them, (y/n). Now all of them, all of them are dead. And nearly you would have joined them. Because of my decisions!”
Slightly taken aback by this sudden outburst of despair, you took a step back. You had never seen him acting like this before. And certainly not to you.
“But I didn’t. Because of you”, you whispered, trying to approach him a little bit more. “And there was no way you could’ve saved them. They had doomed themselves ages ago. It was just a question of time.”
As soon as the words left your mouth you regretted them. “And what am I, (y/n)? A bloody Time Lord!” You bit your lip, staring at his back and just wished he would turn around and at least look at you.
“It can’t go on like this.”
His voice had turned dangerously low, as he turned around, facing you. Almost you had taken another step back.
His eyes were red, tears glistening inside of them. On his face an expression of pure doubt. Not just doubt if this decision had been the right one. No, he looked like he’d question his existence. He looked like he doubted everything he’d ever done in his whole long life. His back was slightly bent, as he looked at you, his jaw clenched. Every single one of his muscles was tense, and yet he looked somehow limp.
“Doctor…”, you tried once again, but stopped immediately as soon as you looked into his eyes. You always had liked his eyes. They were full of wisdom, knowledge and something else you never had been able to read. But now you finally knew. Towards you looked a mix out of emotions, so strong, so desperate, you had never seen before. Sadness, hate, guilt, frustration. Pain. All mixed into one single glance. Your breathing stopped for a second, overwhelmed by all these emotions fighting in your usually so vivid Doctor. He seemed like an entirely different person.
“I killed, (y/n). And not just the bad guys. And I’ll kill you to. Somehow I will.” He made a small pause, as his lower lip started to tremble slightly.
“How do you know?”, you asked quietly, fighting the urge to start crying yourself. The Doctor took his gaze from you, looking to the ground. Yet you still could see a single tear, running down his cheek, as he opened his mouth, his voice husky.
“Because it’s always been like this.”
He ran a hand over his face, before looking back up at you. “Every single one of them. I destroyed to many lives already.” His voice had became so quiet, that you had difficulties to understand him. “I tried so hard to save them. Amy, Rory. Now you. And did it work?”, he asked, his voice rising with every word. “Did it work for once?”
Slowly you could feel the tears forming in your own eyes, but quickly blinked them away. Now you had to stay strong. For once it wasn’t you who needed help. It was him.
And then happened something you never had thought possible. With an agonised cry, that froze your blood, the Doctor broke down. Sobbing heavily his tears started to hit the floor, while he knelt on the ground right in front of you.
You always had known that his life hadn’t been easy. He had outlived, yeah, lost so many people, seen so many things, had to make so many decisions. But usually he’d keep his darker emotions to himself.
Sometimes, he’d looked sad, while he thought no one was watching, or his mind just wandered off completely into his own world. Even though you were aware of this everlasting pain, you had usually known him as the cheerful person, who’d never say no to an adventure and could turn any situation, the bad it may be, to good.
But now you finally saw, what was really going on inside him, in all these quiet moments. And why he’d always acted this cheerful. It was probably the only way to live with a story like his – to be happy in the present.
Slowly you approached his sobbing figure, his eyes directed at the ground, hands clenched to fists and his back irregular lifting and lowering with his sobs. You knelt down in front of him, carefully putting your hand on his shoulder.
“Doctor. Please look at me.”
Slowly he lifted his head, before his gaze found its way into your eyes. You inhaled deeply, before you gently took one of his trembling hands in yours, holding it tight. “None of them is making any accusations”, you started.
“Believe me. They most likely had the time of their lives with you. And no one”, you emphasised, “no one would ever choose to forget this time of their lives.”
His breath had gradually became steady again by now. He was able to keep looking at you. “Believe me”, you repeated. “Because I’d know, Doctor.” You could still feel his hand slightly trembling. Gently you squeezed it, wanting to make sure, he’d know you’d be there for him. “All this time I’ve spent with you. All these things I’ve seen, good or bad. Of course they have changed me. And if I should go back to a normal life, I know it will never be like before I met you.” He stiffened a little, but you just kept talking, gently squeezing his hand, while trying to sound as calming as you could. “But you know what? I don’t want it to be like before I met you. Every second I spent on other planets, in different times. I have learned so much from you. And I wouldn’t change that for anything in all galaxies.”
For a few seconds it was completely silent. You, kneeling in front of the Doctor, who still knelt on the ground, hands and knees on the floor, tears stinging in his read eyes. Your hand upon his. Slowly you walked closer to him, sitting down right beside him. Your back was leaning against the control panel of the TARDIS and on your face had formed a light smile. Thoughtful he watched every movement of yours, before he pushed himself up, sitting down beside you.
Again, you carefully took his hand in yours, leaning your head against his shoulder. Soon after you could feel the slight weight of the Doctor’s head on yours, as you both sat in silence, thinking about anything that had happened. Yet you could still feel him trembling slightly, trying to contain himself. Soothing you caressed his hand, before starting to speak again.
“If I go. Would you forget me?”
For a moment silence filled the room, before the Doctor’s broken voice reached your ear.
“Never.” “Do you remember all of us?”
“Every single one”, he whispered, stil trying to keep himself together. “Well, then”, you breathed, knees drawn up, you squeezed his hand and smiled as you could feel him return the gesture softly.
“Oh my god!” you giggled drunkenly, swooping your beloved cousin in a tight hug. “I can’t believe little Amelia Pond is married!”
The red head giggled back and swung off her husband’s arm. “I know!” she exclaimed. “And to this guy!”
Rory took a minute to process her words before giving a half-hearted, “Hey!” To which you just laughed at with Amy and left them alone to chat about grown-up things like honeymoons and how much the caterer was.
Taking a deep breath, you slumped into a chair and sipped your drink, watching people dance.
One guy, in particular, attracted your attention.
Your narrowed your eyes at him and cocked your head in amused interest. He was dancing enthusiastically among everyone, waving his arms haphazardly. It made you laugh out loud. The guy had dark hair that flung this way and that as he spun around giddily; he was attractive and definitely kept hold of your interest as you watched him.
As the night went on, you lost sight of him and resumed your chatting with old friends and relatives until you were just passing by the bar to order a stronger drink.
Leaning against the frame of the door- was him.
An inadvertent smile crept onto your lips and you flickered your gaze away from him quickly, accepting your drink and turning back to watch Rory and Amy act like sweethearts.
“You’re Y/N, right?” A voice popped up at your shoulder.
Nearly choking on your drink, you looked towards the speaker and realised that it was the same guy.
“Oh, umm, yeah,” you replied, already feeling the blood rush to your cheeks. “I- err, didn’t catch your name?”
“Me? Oh, I’m the Doctor,” he told you with a confident smile, leaning back against the bar to watch Amy and Rory as well.
“The Doctor?” you asked with a quirked eyebrow.
He turned to face you and gave you another blinding smile. “Yes.”
You couldn’t stifle a small snort at that. “What? Like, just the Doctor?”
With a shrug, you replied, “Well, fair enough, nice to meet you, Doctor.” You offered a hand which he accepted briskly.
The night continued on with the two of you sharing a deep conversation until the bar had closed and people had all drifted off to various hotels if not home.
“Geez,” you exclaimed, checking your watch and noticing the time. “I’m supposed to be going into work tomorrow- well, this morning.”
The Doctor seemed unfazed and just gave you a wide smile. “You know, you don’t have to go to work tomorrow.”
Scoffing, you fixed him with a look and reaffirmed, “Yes, I do. If I want to keep putting food on the table for- well, just me really- then I need to keep my job, which I won’t if I skive tomorrow- today, even.”
With a knowing smile, he just looked at you and told you, “No, you don’t. You could come with me, and you’d never have to come back.”
You raised an eyebrow.
“Let me show you something,” he said suddenly, taking your hand and leading you out to the car park. At first, you couldn’t see anything particularly intriguing, but then you caught sight of an incredibly blue police call box planted rather firmly off to the side.
He nodded to it and told you, “Go on, go inside.”
Shaking your head slightly, you did so, if only to humour him. Sparing him one more glance, you grasped the handle and opened the door.
You stepped back outside again.
“It-it…” you tried, peering inside and out of the box multiple times before you turned back to him and exclaimed, “They have seriously upgraded Police Boxes since I last saw one.”
Raising a surprised eyebrow, the Doctor stepped over to you and mumbled to himself, “Well that’s a first,” before encouraging you inside and explaining, “It’s a TARDIS, it can go anywhere in time and space, anywhere you want.”
Turning to him, you searched his face for any hint of mockery, but there was none.
Only pure delight and childish excitement.
“Okay, Doctor,” you grinned. “What’re you waiting for? Let’s go.”