Anon: Hello!! Could you do an ideal type (personality and looks) for NCT U?? I love your blog by the way
Hi! I know you asked for NCT U but I’ve decided to eventually do all the members and doing them in age order makes more sense and is easy to keep track off.
Remember this is just my opinion and is definitely not accurate.
Also, thanks for everyone who has been sending in very sweet messages and supporting me! I’m eternally grateful and I can now happily say I’m off hiatus! I’m spending today updating my masterlist, and there’ll be a few posts today and I’ll schedule some for the next few days :-)
Tell me if you want the next 5 (Kun, Doyoung, Ten, Jaehyun and WinWin)!
A motherly girl, someone who has similar traditional views to him and will be willing to move to Korea for him. An intellectual, not necessarily overall, but would like if someone had a passion for a certain topic (like books or poetry or biology, something like that) Someone reserved and quiet, willing to just sit in silent with one another and you don’t have to speak to have fun. Speaks very well and articulates their opinions well and clearly, with the ability to not only listen to others but speak their own mind when asked. Someone good with advice and has some experience in things so he can learn from them and with them. Someone who prefers rain over sun, winter over summer and tea over coffee - a soft spoken and gentle soul.
Someone who is secretly opinionated; he’d like if they had, not necessarily strong opinions, but opinions that they were willing to stand up for and wasn’t easily swayed. Someone whose an extroverted introvert and can speak if approached or asked to. Someone younger than him but has a mature vibe and will keep him youthful. He’d find husky and slightly low voices attractive and would like listening to them read. Can listen to him and not say what he wants to here - he wants someone who will give him a wake up call, or a push if he needs it. Will have a secret side for him; one where they’re vulnerable and weird and subtly loud. Has a weird hobby or habit that you’re embarrassed to share or show; he’ll find it cute and sweet that you’re okay with him seeing it. Someone with a warm heart, doesn’t have to be big-hearted, but has to be able to empathise well with feelings and be able to put themselves in someone else’s shoes.
A smiley and positive person. Someone who is hardly ever affected by hate or negativity and has the ability to spread happiness wherever they go. Someone who is respected by others and is a leader who can listen to others and also direct them well. Someone who is generally quite mature and not overly hyper, but has does have a childish and hyper side too - if it’s tempted to come out. Likes adventures and stepping outside their comfort zone and is willing to sacrifice a lot for your relationship (if needed) Someone who is generally quite independent and fearless, but needs him for support and someone to protect them. Likes food and doesn’t fuss about appearance or weight. Someone with a regular job and life who will keep him grounded and help him stay humble and sane. A family-orientated person; not just with blood-related family members but close friends whom you could basically call family and will happily welcome new people in.
Someone whom he can admire and respect - basically worship and idolise. An emotionally strong person who will help him and his sensitive self. Someone with experience and will help him grow is self-confidence and with his idol duties. A polite and caring person, even if first meeting them, they seem cold and unwelcoming. Someone fiercely loyal to him and will always support him and cheer him on in life, be his biggest fan. Can hold a conversation and prefers to listen over talk - but can still take lead if need be. Someone who has a comfortable and homely vibe to them, whom he can be open and weird with without fear of judgement. Someone who wants to have a big family and thinks that family must always be your highest priority. A person who will love him for who he is, without bringing up his past or think him of Taeyong from NCT. Has done some kind of charity work, or is still invoked with it, and will inspire him to do the same and spread charity and justice from his idol platform.
A person who is 70% childish and can mess around. Someone with a dirty mind and will have secret inside jokes with him. Someone willing to play practical jokes on one another without getting mad or angry. Likes rock or heavy metal music whom he can talk with all night long. The type you can take home to your parents, and they’ll fuss all over them and love them more than Yuta himself does. A fit person who is active and likes to watch him play or actually play with him. Someone who is secretly sensitive and relies on him a lot. Someone who has good conversation and knows exactly what to say. Someone who know what they want and will always get it justly. Will get on with his members and siblings and will not only support him, but them too and will treat them well. Spontaneous and unpredictable. Will shower him with affection and gifts and now expect anything in return. An optimistic. Someone who isn’t overly feminine nor overly masculine. Doesn’t stick to stereotypes and will surprise him every once in a while.
Rebel Girls: 10 YA Heroines Who Will Make You Want to Lead a Revolution
You’ve read The Hunger
Games and Divergent but did you
know there are even more badass heroines out there, standing up for what they
believe in and becoming part of a movement? Get inspired by these rebellious
women who will make you want to make a difference!
In Speth’s world every word and gesture is copyrighted,
patented or trademarked. From the moment citizens turn fifteen they will begin
to pay for every word they speak and to rack up massive debts that can ruin
families and lives. When Speth’s friend Beecher takes his own life rather than
work off his family’s crippling debt, Speth vows to never speak another word,
and her silence unwittingly sparks a movement that could unravel the very
fabric of her society.
Laia is a scholar ,
one of those oppressed by the brutal rule of Martial Empire. When Laia’s
brother is arrested for treason, she makes a dangerous deal with members of a
rebel force: in exchange for her brother’s rescue, she must risk her life to
become a spy inside the Empire’s military academy. There she meets Elias, a
soldier who secretly wishes he could oppose the Empire. Together Elias and Laia
start down a dangerous path that could get them killed…or bring the Empire to
With the recent boom of my analysis of The Urge, and with a request to do Phil’s fanfiction story in TABINOF, I decided to give it a whirl. I wanted initially to steer away from Phil’s masterpiece because it’s so abstract,
BUT after reading/listening to it again, I just… I don’t even know where to start with this one because it’s just like Phil’s mind: all over the place.
Buckle up everyone it’s a wild ride. (There’s a TLDR near the bottom if you don’t have time or want all the details)
With The Hand it’s tricky because it’s so random. But, with the first few lines it started to make sense how I could do this: “Phil woke up covered in sweat and screaming. He wiped his muscular brow as he got out of bed. That nightmare had been something else. ‘Weird’ he said, as he did his morning routine of 300 sit ups.”
So let’s start here, as this is where Phil’s story starts. Because “The Hand” isn’t merely a weird story at all, it, was in fact, a dream. Or moreover a nightmare. Phil is writing about a dream he had. OR an interpretation of a dream. So, I’m going to analyze this like I would analyze my own dreams.
~~HOLD ON TIGHT BECAUSE IT LITERALLY GOES ALL OVER THE PLACE~~
His dream stars as he says “weird”, because if you wake up covered in sweat and screaming, you’re going to relive it. He dreamed that he did 300 sit ups. Which, according to a dream analysis calculator, suggest that you need to pay better attention to something in your life, like a relationship, work, family, or project.
And guess what the next paragraph is, “Dan was already in the kitchen making a delicious breakfast of bacon pancakes with extra maple syrup.” To dream about pancakes represents gratification and pleasure in your current situation. You take pleasure and comfort in the simple things of life. (how sweet…haha pun)
“Oh hey D-Slice!’ said Phil, back flipping in to the room and high fiving his friend in mid air” Doing back flips suggest that you are going out of your way to help or please someone. To see a friend signifies aspect of your personality that you have rejected, but ready to incorporate and acknowledge. Those relationships are important as they help key to knowledge to learn about yourself. (THIS IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW)
“‘What’s wrong?’ Phil asked as a bead of sweat dripped off his forehead and bounced off of the mutant finger protruding out of his body.
‘Your body! Something’s happening to you!’ said Dan.
Phil looked down in horror to see a human hand was starting to grow out of his chest. Just below the nipple. It wasn’t just growing, it was moving.’”
Phil Lester you weird being. With this significant part I had to get picky because putting “hand that comes out of chest” weirdly enough doesn’t show up in the dictionary. So I looked up the meaning of a hand that wasn’t his own, what his own chest symbolized, and what happened if it was coming out of your chest.
To see disembodied hand(s) (I’m allowing this because technically it is a random hand who he doesn’t yet know who it belongs to) indicates that you are not getting your point of view across. You are not being understood or someone is not understanding you.
To see your chest in your dream signifies confidence, conquest and vitality. Alternatively, it represents feelings of being overwhelmed and being dangerously confronted by something. Consider also if the dream is telling you that there is something that you need to “get off your chest”.
To connect the two together, basically the hand coming out of Phil’s chest is symbolic for something he’s really proud of, but no one understands it. He wishes in a way that he could describe it better or even let it go, aka “get it off your chest”
“In shock, Dan dropped the syrupy spatula onto his leather jeans and ruined them forever. No more leather jeans for Dan.” Phil Lester. You kinky little bugger. Leather pants suggest that you are questioning your role in some situation. The leather refers to your instinctual and animalistic nature. It may also have sexual connotations.
And basically with this and Dan ruining his leather pants means that Phil wants control over the sexy times. Go Figure.
“‘We need to call the army!’ He told his raven haired friend.
‘Dan no! They’ll experiment on me. I don’t want to die!’ Phil said, as he let out a single tear, not afraid to show emotion in front of his true best friend.”
I roll my eyes every time I read that sentence he’s so extra. Showing emotion in a dream signifies the negativity that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself.
And if you tie in everything from above, he’s upset because no one is understanding him. It’s a fight for himself.
“They decided to keep it a secret. Over the next few weeks the hand grew and grew. Phil continued to make YouTube videos, he just wouldn’t film below the nipple. He had to keep this a secret from everyone.”
If you’re good at reading in between the lines, you already know what this is even about. But to analyze it anyway: A secret represents hidden power. And in the “real” life, what does Phil actually have a secret of that he has the power of hiding? Don’t think too hard you already know the answer. Also it goes into note that he’s doing YouTube videos, so I looked up camera and it goes with the fear of what’s behind the hidden power, Everyone is watching you.
“Dan and Phil even taught the hand some of their best friend secret handshakes. It was responding to the fun. When they watched ‘Game of Thrones’ the hand even started twitching with glee.” Handshakes resemble a new beginning or an ending to a situation. You have reached an agreement or a decision to a problem. Is this possibly foreshadowing??
“Later that month, something unexpected happened. Dan and Phil were finishing another pancake session the hand started violently vibrating.
‘DAN HELP!’ Phil screamed as the hand started gesticulating wildly. Dan could only stand and as the hand started to extend out of Phil’s chest. The hand was reaching for Dan. Instinctively he started pulling it and something happened that none of the British boys would ever expect.
After a few pulls there wasn’t just a hand, there was an arm and an elbow. An entire human was being dragged out of the inside of Phil – he was giving birth.”
This picture I have to include it just makes me giggle.
Lots of key notes happen in this section of text so advert your eyes if you don’t want to be mildly disgusted or incredibly sad.
Vibration of the hand indicates a sexual need for completion (I fucking can’t like Phil why…) Giving birth to something that is not a baby, and if you are not expecting, refers to your fear in the outcome of some decision or project. You are trying to overcome difficulties in your life and achieve inner development. It implies that your inner creative energy has yet to blossom and grow into expression. You may have some hesitation in releasing this “monster” for fear that others will judge you or that they will not accept your ideals.
And because this takes place in the kitchen (because places have symbolism too) indicates your need for warmth, spiritual nourishment and/or some emotional healing.
“There was a giant wet explosion. All that was left of Phil was a lump of skin. And there standing in the kitchen, was a completely naked Harry Styles.
Dan gave him a pepper pot to cover his modesty, ‘Thanks for pulling me out of there mate!’ said Harry as he grabbed a pancake from the pan and walked out of the door. Dan looked into the middle distance. His face was no longer filled with confusion. No longer filled with horror. It was filled with revenge.
To be Continued.”
To see a naked celebrity suggests that you need to learn to not be afraid of rejection. Consider what the celebrity is famous or known for. Something in the waking life triggered these similar beliefs and feelings. To basically tie the two together, Phil is somewhat a celebrity himself. To see Harry naked is a reflection of which he sees himself. Not naked, but confident in what he does.
Skin that is melting, deteriorating, or is all that is left implies that you are losing your defenses. Your guard is down. You are being worn down.
Also, he mentioned that Dan was filled with revenge at the end of the story, which means the relationships you have with others are important in learning about yourself. This anger symbolizes frustrations and disappointments in your self. You tend to repress your negative emotions or project your anger onto others.
TLDR: To put it all together and not have it be a jumbled mess, this is what the story really means:
Phil is really close to the people he loves, but is still haunted by a burden of self acceptance, not only by himself but from other’s too. He has many great ideas and yet is scared to share them because he’s fearful of rejection.
Although he is confident, he’s overwhelmed by what’s going on inside his mind. So many ideas and creative outputs but no idea where to start or even how to describe them. The more he bottles up the more he gets emotional and can’t find a correct way to set them free because of the negativity inside his mind.
He has secrets, and the feeling of everyone watching him. Sometimes he feels defenseless, he has power behind one of the biggest secrets of all, which he knows can actually lead to new opportunities. But this secret is in agreement.
But the fear of rejection still rests on his mind. So many new projects and things that could happen if he could come clean but he possibly can’t! The fear of being held back by a “monster” that wasn’t meant to be created: himself and the love for another. He gets angry at himself because of where he stands in life. Trying to repress it only makes matters worse at times.
But still, there is warmth within all this dark and gloom and fear. He stays close to it. Even when his guard is down, or anger and frustration reigns from within, there’s comfort.
Because Dan will always be his comfort. No matter how fucking kinky he wants to be.
I find it interesting that even though they both have completely different stories, they’re still about the love they have for each other. How their stories are about Dan’s worst fears and Phil’s too. They basically declared it, and published it, right under our noses. You just gotta dig a bit to find it.
**Again - I’m not a professional I’m just doing this just for fun. This is also back from 2014-2015 and is probably no where accurate. But, it suddenly makes sense.
Deep inside your mind, you have secret desires, fantasies and aspirations that you keep locked away. You’re not only afraid to admit them publicly, but you’re especially afraid to admit them to yourself. You’re afraid to admit them because they run so counter to everything you present publicly. It’s okay. You’re only human. We all have those secret desires in some form or another.
Dipping a Toe In
For some, the difference between their public facing image and their inner thirst is extreme. Sundered Alpha is an especially interesting example. Sundered found my blog exciting, liked to message me with every new post and share that he enjoyed my latest exploit of a desperate cashfag or thought that the way I conducted myself was “cool”.
He was always quick to label himself as a “hot stud Alpha top”, (more on that cartoonish notion at a later date) but to me, his façade was comically transparent. With each new blog entry he was sure to send that Tumblr message telling me he thought it was “hot”.
Then, a few days ago, he took a leap. Instead of messaging via Tumblr’s ramshackle messaging system, he contacted me on my DivineDrainer Skype address. I explained that if he was contacting me here, he was required to use my respectful title: Boss.
I knew without a doubt at this point. Sundered was beginning his transformation.
Over the next couple of days, SunderedAlpha constantly asked me questions about my previous sessions with cashfags. He wanted to know all the details of how I worked each and every fag, and how I was able to do it so easily. He would also come up with his own ideas about things I should do to cashfags. I knew then that it was time to open his mind and heart to the next step.
I asked him how the skills I possessed, the things I had done, the exploits I had told made him feel. He was said that he was in awe of my skill at being “pure Alpha” (such a tired cliché). I asked him if it made him feel inferior, and he didn’t want to answer that question. He was scared to answer any question surrounding the possibility that the “hot stud Alpha top” could in any way be thinking about submitting to another. To me.
We continued to talk over the next couple of days, until, of his own accord, he admits that I make him feel inferior. This was a big step for someone who just the week before, boasted that he was the best “alpha top”. I used that opportunity to pry the door open further.
At this point, I was still asking him questions in the hypothetical: “What if you were inferior Sundered?”. That allowed him to answer the question without have to officially say it yet.
He got a kick out of that. Even in the hypothetical, he was afraid to admit that he was thinking about submitting to me. I didn’t miss the chance to let him know that even him thinking about submitting made my cock grow.
Of course then, when Sundered actually admitted his inferiority, he was apoplectic because then his cock grew harder.
He knew what he wanted to say. What he wanted to admit. He was in shock. Of himself. His desires. His innermost thoughts being brought to the surface of his conscious mind.
An Alpha Breaks
This was it. This was the moment. Sundered was about to walk through that door himself.
There we go. Under his own power, by his own free admission, Sundered freed himself from his public burdens and admitted to the world–and most importantly himself–that he was indeed a faggot.
There was just one final step…
The Alpha Falls
And there we go. He has realized his position. What his mind truly wants. What he needs.
The “Alpha” becomes the subjugated.The servant to my needs.
i swear to fucking god i will show to him who you are. i’ll reveal your lies and manipulation, your too-quick temper and your need to blame others for your own faults. i’ve seen every hidden alleyway inside of your mind where you hide your secrets and i can shine light upon them in an instant.
A flood of childhood memories just came back to me. A heavy wooden door that makes a squeaky but pleasant noise, a dirty brown carpeted floor bubbling up in the corners. The quiet, calm library chaos entwined with the smell of the old books forming sheltered paths to the secret, well hidden places inside my mind. That familiar warm and sweet voice, echoing silently from the aged walls: Safe and sound, safe and sound, safe and sound… ♥
bughead fanfiction - unbeta’d - chapter eight - it’s been a long day, please forgive errors
“Grief is the price we pay for love.”
Betty wakes up to sunlight on her face; gossamer beams
filtered through dusty white shutters that paint themselves over her body still
entangled in Jughead’s dark blue sheets. There’s a short moment of incognizant
bliss, a drowsy illusion of peace. But suddenly, the quiet is stifling and her
thoughts turn immediately to her son.
Jumping from the mattress, Betty doesn’t bother with
clothes, only wrapping the sheet around her as she sprints from Jughead’s room
to her own, only to realize Tobi’s not inside it.
Fear seizes her heart until she hears the sounds of a
children’s show from the living room, along with the unmistakable jingles of
his toys. Rushing out into the space, Betty holds the knot of the sheet in the
center of her chest, feeling her heartbeat race beneath the skin as her
breathing evens out.
Before anyone chortles at the title of this, please bear with me. It’s something that, I think in the ending of the Sherlock series, actually makes sense if I had to dissect his relationships with women (romantically speaking).
Since so many people have enjoyed the “I Love You: A Man’s Perspective” post, I also had a great talk with my hub about this new theory of mine, and again, his interpretation from a man’s perspective is really interesting. We also had a very personal talk, which opened my eyes to something I didn’t know about him before. I’ve asked if I can include it here and he’s totally cool with. He’s also completely amazed that people like our banter, but mostly he likes that it’s opened up new avenues of discussion in the fanbase. I’ll denote in the post between our views for clarity.
A small disclaimer: this is merely my (and some of my dude’s) own personal view, coming from our own worldviews and experiences. In no way am I writing any meta, thoughts, or opinions that are meant to invalidate anyone else’s reading of the show or characters. Everyone can have their view and their story, and it’s ok. These are just ours. Art and media is open to everyone’s interpretations.
This is another long one folks, so take a potty break now!
trying to juggle another magnetic card into the console.
Families? thought Ace. She suddenly remembered a
sliver of a borrowed dream when she had glimpsed what she
thought was his family. Cousins and more cousins in a
distant mountainous country. No mothers or fathers — just
cousins. But in the TARDIS library, there was a birthday
card, old and yellowing, and on it in willowy writing was
Happy Birthday Grandfather.
- Cat’s Cradle: Time’s Crucible, Marc Platt
Tell me more: You are a Time Lord? How old are you?
Inside my mind. Probing my memories. Searching for
secrets from cradle to grave.
I have no cradle, I have no grave. I was born at
Otherstide through the Loom of the House of Lungbarrow
in Southern Gallifrey.
Waiting to be born. Strung out, spread really thin.
Unable to think, unable to assemble my thoughts. I
couldn’t wait to get out. They were there. All forty-five of
my cousins. Satthralope smacked me so hard I could barely
walk and –
You are Loom-born?
Yes, I think so.
This accounts contradict each other.
Memories often do.
‘If you would be so kind as to come with me?’
‘Who are you?’ He was so old, but there weren’t any old
people any more. He walked through the cloister with the
aid of a stick, a knobbled stick with strange writing on it.
There was a dark shape drifting behind him in the
shadows. Outside the Capitol was burning.
‘I couldn’t possibly tell you that, oh no.’
‘You wear my husband’s ring.’
He held it up to the candlelight, examined it, then
clutched it to his chest.
‘Yes. So I do.’
‘Please stop them – they are trying to find my daughter-in-law,
they are going to kill her child.’
He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. ‘Your
granddaughter was born ten minutes ago, I was there at the
birth. She is safe, quite safe.’
‘A girl? Where is she?’
‘She will be taken away from here, away from this
madness. I will take her far from this world of vampires and
valeyards. First, however, we must get you to safety.’
He took her hand. ‘Come, my dear.’
This memory is faint.
It was a long time ago. I’m not even sure it’s one of
A lot of what happened before my second regeneration
is hazy. Great chunks of my life are missing. It was all so
very long ago.
- Cold Fusion, Lance Parkin
Who was to say that it was any different anywhere else?
The past didn’t exist, only the memory of the past. Perhaps
the past was necessitated by the present, and not vice versa.
It was only the first night, but a number of centuries had
already preceded it.
If time was an illusion, then what did that make a Time
No… the past existed, it was real, he’d been there, his
own past and other people’s.
He looked down at the woman sleeping far below him. She
had been part of him for generations before his birth. She’d
taught his father and his father and his father. She’d helped
to raise him, she’d been his tutor, his friend, his first love, his
wife, the mother of his children, she had been everything to
him in the past. She had always been there, she wasn’t just a
whim, a fictional construct.
But how would he know if she was?
There was a rumble of thunder far away, over the sea.
Either she had always been there, or the past was
changing, renewing itself. If he woke up tomorrow and she
had never been there, would he still remember her? He
looked down at her again, suddenly full of the thought that he
should be with her for every moment that he possibly could
be just in case she vanished, never to be seen or mentioned
He scowled, although there was no one to see it. This was
nonsense, sophistry, The Doctor knew exactly who he was,
who he’d always been. He was a Time Lord, from the Noble
House of Lungbarrow on the planet Gallifrey. He had been
born of the Loom, son of the greatest explorer of his age and
a human woman, Annalise… no… his mother’s name had
been Penelope. He knew his father’s name, at least: his
father’s name wasn’t Ulysses, and he was a professor at
His own name escaped him for the moment, but he knew
that he had one.
Lightning flashed overhead, unbidden, marking out the
silhouette of the fortress like a signal flare.
- The Infinity Doctors, Lance Parkin
All the way to the graveyard the Doctor refused to answer Sam’s questions. He found that he was
starting to relish the thought of seeing Iris again. He couldn’t even remember what the last
encounter had been. Unhappy, at any rate. He seemed to recall their parting under a cloud. He
wished his memory wasn’t so poor. Sometimes when he tried to reach back into previous lives it
was like recalling something told to him, a dream, or a book he once read. It made him feel very
young. Dwarfed by the magnitude of his life. Sometimes it wasn’t worth the mental effort, trying to
drag his waking thoughts to a point before Skaro, London, San Francisco, Lungbarrow… Just let
the past come to you when it will, he thought. That’s the best way. Because, in the end, it always
- The Scarlet Empress, Paul Magrs
‘But it happened,’ said the Doctor. ‘You didn’t just implant a memory. You
changed my biodata. You changed my past!’
‘Are you sure?’
‘It’s impossible,’ said the Doctor. ‘It’s impossible for my people. Our past is
unreachable. What’s written can’t be unwritten.’
‘Who said your history can’t change?’
Another boy answered, ‘Someone from his history.’
And another: ‘Maybe it’s the second-biggest lie in Time Lord history.’
‘Maybe it changes all the time.’
Someone giggled. ‘Let’s play pin the tale on the donkey.’
‘Maybe you didn’t use to have a father.’
‘Maybe you’re living in the middle of a time war. Maybe there’s an Enemy
out there –’
The Doctor shouted, ‘I’m not listening!’
‘– who’s rewriting you when you’re not looking!’
‘Maybe you weren’t always half human.’
‘But now you’ve become always half human.’
‘Maybe you weren’t always a Time Lord.’
‘But now you’ve always been a Time Lord.’
‘Maybe you originally came from some planet in the forty-ninth century. Fleeing
from the Enemy who’d overrun your home –’
‘I said I’m not listening! Laa laa laa laa laa –’
‘– and you’ve just been written and rewritten and overwritten, ever since.’
‘Pin the tale!’
‘How d’you know it’s not true?’
‘How could you know it’s not true?’
The voices crowded in.
‘How would you know, huh?’
‘How would you know?’
‘How would ‘How would you ‘How ‘How would you know? you know? you
‘Why would I care?’ shouted the Doctor.
- Unnatural History, Kate Orman and Jon Blum
While Faction Paradox existed, there was no reason for him to do anything. Everything was negotiable. The child from their ranks had told him as much. His birthright, his culture, the things he’d defined himself against, were all variables now. He remembered his father, but he also remembered the loom, being twice born. He didn’t know which he remembered from life, and which from dreams.
He was sure they’d done something to him, his past, an alteration to who he was, to the very weave of his biodata. But he didn’t know what, or how he could even start to put things right again.
Ghost // "You say that you're no good for me 'cause I'm always tugging at your sleeve, and I swear I hate you when you leave, but I like it anyways"
Colors // "It was early in the morning when the light came through and I've only felt religion when I'm high with you... You were red and you liked me 'cause I was blue, you touch me and then suddenly, I was a lilac sky"
Empty Gold // "We're the underdogs in this world alone, I'm a believer got a fever running through my bones, we're the alley cats and they can throw their stones, they can break our hearts but they won't take our souls"
Control // "And I tried to hide these secrets inside me, my mind's like a deadly disease, I'm bigger than my body, I'm colder than this home, I'm meaner than my demons, I'm bigger than these bones"
Castle // "Already choking on my pride, there's no use crying about it, I'm headed straight for the castle, they wanna make me their queen, there's an old man sitting on the throne saying I probably shouldn't be so mean"
Hold me Down // "My demons are begging me to open up my mouth, I need them, mechanically, make the words come out, they fight me, vigorous and angry, watch them pounce"
SOS // "Crazy to think since 5 AM, all I see is green eyes and I'm lost in them... I wonder what it's like to run my fingers through your hair"
Trouble // "Lets cause a little trouble, oh you make me feel so weak... And I've got my mind made up this time, go on and light a cigarette, set a fire in my head tonight"
Hurricane // "I'm a wanderess in a one night stand, don't belong to no city, don't belong to no man, I'm the violence in the pouring rain, I'm a hurricane"
Is There Somewhere // "And I promised myself I wouldn't let you complete me, I'm trying not to let it show that I don't to let this go, is there somewhere you can meet me?"
New Americana // "Survival of the richest, the city’s ours until the fall, they're Monaco and Hampton’s bound but we don’t feel like outsiders at all. We are the new Americana, high on legal marijuana, raised on Biggie and Nirvana"
Tilt you Back // "Come on and wrap me up, let me tilt you back and swim, I want your taste on my tongue, Won't you warm my bones within? Reveal yourself to me, on this dark and empty street"
" Dark as midnight sun // Smoke as black as charcoal // Fills into our fragile lungs // Cause when our demons come // Dancing in the shadows // To a game that can't be won."
"Let's cause a little trouble // Oh, you make me feel so weak // I bet you kiss your knuckles // Right before they touch my cheek."
"Would you lie for me? // Cross your sorry heart and hope to die for me? // Would you pin me to a wall? // Would you beg or would you crawl? // Stick a needle in your hungry eyes for me?"
"You're writing lines about me; romantic poetry // Your girl's got red in her cheeks, 'cause we're something she can't see // And I try to refrain but you're stuck in my brain // And all I do is cry and complain because second's not the same."
"Cigarettes and tiny liquor bottles, just what you’d expect inside her new Balenciaga. // Bad romance, turned dreams into an empire. // Self-made success now she rose with Rockafellas. // Survival of the richest, the city’s ours until the fall. // They're Monaco and Hampton’s bound but we don’t feel like outsiders at all."
"And I sat alone, in bed till the morning // And crying "they're coming for me" // And I tried to hold these secrets inside me // My mind's like a deadly disease"
"'Cause I've done some things that I can't speak // And I've tried to wash away but you just won't leave // So won't you take a breath and dive in deep // 'Cause I came here so you'd come for me"
"I don't like them innocent // I don't want no face fresh // Want them wearing leather // Begging, let me be your taste test // I like the sad eyes, bad guys // Mouth full of white lies // Kiss me in the corridor // But quick to tell me goodbye."
"I'm a wanderess // I'm a one night stand // Don't belong to no city // Don't belong to no man // I'm the violence in the pouring rain // I'm a hurricane"
"I'm headed straight for the castle // They wanna make me their queen // And there's an old man sitting on the throne that's saying that I probably shouldn't be so mean // I'm headed straight for the castle // They’ve got this kingdom locked up // And there's an old man sitting on the throne that's saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut"
"I sold my soul to a three-piece // And he told me I was holy // He's got me down on both knees // But it's the devil that's tryna Hold me down"
"You were red and you liked me 'cause I was blue // You touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky // And you decided purple just wasn't for you"
Lyrics That Inspired This Fanfic: Presents are waiting by the Christmas Tree. You can have them all, but this one’s for me.
Peter his head to the right so he could perhaps grab a glance at the name written on the present in his friend’s hand. He caught the first letter, but nothing more. It was neatly wrapped, as if a considerable amount of time was spent making sure it looked perfect, a blue bow to top it all off. And from the tension in his shoulders, Peter could tell that Kurt was refraining from fiddling with the gift out of obvious nerves.
Suspicion rose in Peter’s mind as to what the scribble of a name was, based on the first letter his dark eyes scanned upon. His normally pouty lips curled around the sides, subtly at first as first came to realize, and then more noticeably as he thought about it. The coincidence of Kurt pulling out your name, was astronomical. And the moment of opportunity, for Kurt to tell you how he feels about you, was nearly inevitable, if he didn’t screw up. Peter added on quickly inside of his mind.
“Who did you get for Secret Santa?” Peter inquired suddenly, shocking the teenager next to him. Clearing his throat, Kurt glanced over at him and picked up his lanky shoulders, as if to appear more intimidating. It didn’t work out as planned, and Kurt merely gave Peter a look of skepticism. If Kurt was correct, he wasn’t meant to tell anyone who he had pulled out of a hat two weeks prior to this moment. There was a secrecy to that act, hence it being called ‘Secret Santa’. In all honesty, he didn’t know what it was until two weeks ago, when Peter explained it to him.
“Who did you get?” Kurt retorted, glancing down at the present in Peter’s hand. Though it looked like a blob of newspaper, tied together by randomly placed pieces of tape, Kurt couldn’t help but feel how personal it was, even if it looked slightly like trash. But, that was okay. The wrapping, and the way it was done, surely showed Peter’s personality. Quickly wrapped with whatever he could find, which happened to look a lot like last Sunday’s newspaper. Murmuring something under his breath, Peter looked to the side with dark eyes and shrugged his shoulders. That action in itself caused a chuckle to stir from Kurt’s mouth, “If you don’t tell me who you got, I won’t tell you who I got.”
Peter, waving his hand absentmindedly, said, “I can wait. If it’s who I think, then I’ll be worth it.”
Those words rattled inside of Kurt’s mind. There was no way that Peter could have guessed. How could he have? Did he see the name that kurt had written? Did he see what name he drew two weeks ago? Swallowing ever so gently, Kurt glanced down at the gift and uttered, “I hope she likes it.”
“What is it?”
Taking a deep breath in, and with his tail trailing stiffly behind him, Kurt made his way to the tree across the room and sat the present down under it. “I really shouldn’t tell you.”
“I got Jean three boxes of twinkies.” Peter laughed slightly and plopped his uniquely wrapped gift next to Kurt’s. “Nothing can be worse than that.” Now that Kurt was aware of whom Peter had drew out of the hat, and what gift he had decided to give, Kurt felt only slightly better. There was still an undoubtable feeling of self doubt and fear lingering closely in his chest, suffocating his breathing, and making thought irrational, and nearly impossible.
“I got her a necklace.” Kurt told Peter, “Silver, with a blue pendant.”
“How much money did you spend?” Peter wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
“That doesn’t matter,” Kurt stated rather proudly, “what matters is if she’s going to like it…” His accented voice came to a slow, almost agonizing stop as you walked into the room.
“If she does find out it was you who got her the necklace can I be the one who holds a mistletoe between the two of you at the end of the night?” Peter asked with an amused tone of excitement, “Or better yet, can I be the best man at your wedding!?” But, Kurt was already a few feet in front of him, walking towards you. Giving it his all to not appear clumsy or unbalanced, Nightcrawler drew a deep breath into his lungs, feeling it expand before exhaling. If that was meant to help him relax, it wasn’t working. He could almost hear his heart beating in his ears.
Surely, Kurt had eased his way into the conversation you were having with Scott and Jean, and with a small smile, his eyes caught hold of yours momentarily. “I’m excited to see what I got.” Jean had started, followed by a chorus of ‘me too’ from Scott and yourself. Kurt, with raised eyebrows at Jean, nodded in agreement. He was eager to see. If there was the slight, very slight at best, chance that you may have drawn his name, then all things tonight would be perfect. But, there were very few ways of finding out who’s name you had drawn, and Kurt didn’t have it in him to ask around.
“Alright!” The sound of Charles Xavier rocketed over the dull Holiday music and chatter. “It seems like everyone is here, so why don’t we move onto presents?”