insect joke

So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do. So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA and all that snazz. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. Harvard! This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0, on the Dean’s list, and all that snazz. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in-the newspaper, rowing, student government-and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him.

He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now? Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it.

Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House. After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done. Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn’t been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment. Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered. Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but waddya know, another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line-fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there’s no punch line.

How they react to bad puns

1. Mark

You: What nation has the most birds?

Mark: What?

You: Portu-geese.

Mark: Not bad, but y’know what?

You: What?

Mark: Toucan play that game.

Originally posted by sxy-jmn

2. JB

You: What do you call the security of Samsung?

JB: No, stop-

You: Guardians of the galaxy.

JB: …

You: Boom.

Originally posted by sgfgdolans

3. Jackson

You: Hey Jackson, I think something’s wrong with the bathroom.

Jackson: Really?

You: Yeah. Every time I get naked, the shower gets turned on.

Jackson: *gasps* How dare you cheat on me.

Originally posted by suga-pills

4. Jinyoung

You: I really hate insect jokes.

Jinyoung: Why?

You: ….cuz They really bug me.

Jinyoung:

Originally posted by deanrbll

5. Youngjae

You: Having sex in an elevator is just wrong in so many levels.

Youngjae: Where’d you get that from? I bet you had a hard time trying to LIFT it up. Get it? Cause elevator is a lif-

You: Ok stop.

Originally posted by huggableyoungjae

6. Bambam

Police: Ok, I’ve had it. How did you escape from Iraq?

You and Bambam: *smirk*….Iran.

Originally posted by isabelle-c-r

7. Yugyeom

You: When I first saw you..I honestly wanted to give you a nasty look.

Yugyeom: ..wow. Why didn’t you?

You: Cause you already had one.

Originally posted by jongdabae

I really hope you get these  😂 😂

my dad's clever joke
  • dad: what do you call a green insect that lives 4 meters underground and eats rocks.
  • me: idk what
  • dad: it's called the green rock eating insect that lives 4 meters underground
  • me:
  • me:
  • dad: *laughs hysterically*
  • so the conversation moves elsewhere
  • 5 minutes later
  • dad: here's a physics and mechanics question for you to think carefully about
  • me: ok
  • dad: if I were to drill a whole in the ground all the way to China, and then drop a rock through that hole, will the rock get to China?
  • me: um idk no? because of gravity?
  • dad: *shakes silently with laughter*
  • me: ?
  • dad: no. It won't. Because at 4 meters the green rock eating insect that lives 4 meters underground eats the rock
  • me:
  • me: *walks away*
  • me: why do I keep falling for his dad jokes. why.
  • I'm disgusted with myself. That clever little shit.

Also a little late christmas present for @mollymerula! because she has been so nice all these days while I was in Vancouver and I couldn’t speak with most of my friends due to time zones… So being able to talk with her was relly nice! 

thanks you! :’^)

Aaaand, welp, when I arrived back home in Spain there was like… no winter?? where is the cold? it’s summer already?? no, really, it’s not a joke, insects on desember is not something usual here… ヾ(:3ノシヾ)ノシ where is my winter…

10

My friends often call me a “Disney princess” because wild animals often find atteaction to me and trust me with their lives.
They sometimes call me Pocahontas, because I am Native American and it seems to fit. I certainly do not mind, because it is an innocent joke.

So for those who don’t know me personally, here are some examples of my “Disney princess”-ness

@bloodyshanglong @vccraziness @otpshipwrecked @oocupcake256xx @mrddragon007