insane and stupid

  • <p> <b>Batman :</b> I finally found a woman that loves me, is sane and capable of handling my personality. I can forget that freak with unhealthy green hair and psychotic comportement<p/><b>Joker :</b> Hi Bats I murdered 300 people today robbed a bank just for fun and tortured your favorite son<p/><b>Batman :</b> fuck me.<p/></p>
Issues (Smut)

MASTERLIST

Request: Jeep sex and a good bit of fluff.

A/N: This is my first story in like 8392 years and I’m so put of practice so please bare with me because it’s not great. Also shoutout to Emily. You’re the real mvp. Feedback would be great. 

Word count: 4,185

We were sitting in the jeep on the highway from Toronto back to Pickering and though we weren’t even half way yet, the drive seemed longer than usual.
Painfully longer. 

Though it was a rather warm summer day, I felt the chills run down my bare arms the soon as we got into the car. The pesky silence between us was smothering, suffocating really and made my entire body linger in the most uncomfortable way possible. 

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Reaction Request - Smoking weed with BTS

NSFW. Read at your own risk!

Masterlist

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john and sherlock telling the story of how they met as a bedtime story, featuring: 

  • bickering over whether it’s dishonest or just dramatic effect to start with “it was a dark and stormy night” because “it was a very mild january afternoon” just doesn’t have the same ring to it
  • john as the Poor Broken Knight, which sherlock takes offense to because obviously john is the Knight of Light, to which john responds that he wasn’t the Knight of Light back then, he was a dreadfully poor knight with a broken brain that none of the healers or sages could fix, to which sherlock huffs but he allows it. 
  • sherlock as the Prince. “just the Prince?” “well, what else? the Consulting Prince?” “i rather thought the Pirate Prince.” “now who’s being dishonest. fine. you were the Pirate Prince.”
  • mike stamford as the fairy godmother, who tells the Knight that he will need to save the Prince three times, and the Knight is like, come on. who’d want me to save them? and the fairy godmother laughs and says, you’re the second person to say that to me today (because, you see, he also told the Prince that the Prince needed to save the Knight).
  • so the Knight agrees to go meet the Prince, and as soon as he meets the Prince he really does want to save him so when the Prince tells him to meet him at the Old Crone’s Tower the next day, he goes. “you better not let mrs hudson hear you calling her that.” “it’s fine, the Old Crone took an herbal soother an hour ago, she’ll be out like a light.”
  • anyway, the Knight goes to meet the Prince, and Tower is wonderful but kind of a mess, and it’s still a mess honestly and it would be nice if the Prince would take the rubbish out on his own sometimes. but the Knight can’t possibly imagine that the Prince will want him around, or he’ll get tired of having a broken Knight around soon at least, or– “john. john, no, even then, it was important. i wanted you here. it felt. it felt important.” 
  • then the Hunter interrupts, and tells them that a Dragon has been terrorizing the village. so they go to the scene, and the Knight learns that the Prince has the power of Sight, where he can See all kinds of things that other people can’t. “it’s not a magic trick, john.” “it felt like one.”
  • the Hunter’s Hounds bark and nip at the Prince’s heels, but the Knight isn’t sure if he needs to save the Prince from them, so he says nothing. “i should think not. anderson and donovan? i could handle them.” “oh yeah sure you did. mmmhmm. right.”  
  • so the Prince used his Sight to understand what had happened to the villager. “though the Prince did need the Knight’s help to See it all.” but then: poof! the Prince disappears! “sorry! i wasn’t used to having someone with me!” “i know, i know. it was very mysterious, though.”
  • and the Knight is kidnapped by the Wizard of Spooky Bureaucracy, stop laughing i couldn’t think of a better name, who threatens the Knight and the Prince. but the Knight defeated him by passing his test of loyalty to the Prince, and the Wizard of Spooky Bureaucracy transported him back to the Old Crone’s Tower as a prize, where the Prince was waiting for him. and so the Knight defeated the first evil. 
  • then the Prince took the Knight for a grand Italian feast, and cast a dangerous spell on him that healed his brain and let him run again. the Knight thought maybe the Prince was hitting on him, and he tried to hit on the Prince back, but the Prince– “panicked.” “oh, is that what you call that?” “yes. i hardly expected to get as far as i had.” “and the next seven years were just what? extended panic?” “…basically?” 
  • once the Knight was healed, they went back to the Old Crone’s Tower, where the Knight wanted very very much to kiss the Prince but they’re interrupted again by the Hunter and his Hounds. and the Hounds sniff and dig and unearth the Prince’s past, which was very rude. “i never did figure out why you stayed, after you found out, you know. about all of that. with your sister.” “i know. i thought about it a lot actually, about whether i was just signing up for more of the same. i’d given up on her because it was just a waste of my time, you know?” “so why did you stay?” “because i knew with you, it would never be a waste of my time. i would always fight for you. i will always fight for you.” “you’ll never have to fight that fight again, john. i promise.” “but if i did. if i did. i would fight it. you’re not perfect; i don’t expect you to be. i just…i only expect that you will let me fight for you.” “john. john. mmphhhhhhhmmm” “mmmm” “mmmmm” 
  • okay okay okay. anyway. the Knight knew then that he did have to defeat the Hounds, and he did defeat them by believing in the Prince. by listening to the Prince, even when the Hounds barked at him not to. and so the second evil was defeated. “and the Prince had just about fallen in love with the Knight.” “shh. we’re not there yet.” “i was, though. i was.” “i know. me too.” 
  • and then they had to battle the Dragon, who managed to steal the Prince away while making it look like the Prince had abandoned the Knight. but the Knight knew better already, and knew that the Prince needed him, and so he hailed a chariot and raced after them. and he arrived just in time to see the Prince doing something very, extremely, insanely stupid, and so he pulled out his sword and shot it straight into the Dragon’s heart. “it was stupid.” “i know it was. i haven’t a clue what you thought you were doing.” “i dunno. either i was right, and i deserved everything i thought we maybe could be, or i was wrong, and you wouldn’t have to go through the disappointment of me.” “sherlock holmes-watson. that is the stupid thing you have ever said in your life. come here.” 
  • and so the Dragon was defeated, and the Knight saved the Prince, and the Prince saved the Knight. 
  • and they didn’t live happily ever after, not quite yet. but they did start living, and that’s the thing about endings after all: you have to live through the beginnings and the middles to find out just how brilliant and fantastic and good the endings can be.

WIP for some up coming merch~ I wanted to try and make beach towel;; haha;; Sorry my merch is so stupid and self indulgent L O L

I’m trying a new printing vendor…but if it comes out well then I will probably do Shiro too. And Lance if I don’t tire out of rendering abs (it will never happen don’t worry)

5

“Is this…” Dirk whispers, eyes darting back and forth between Todd’s face and his hands. “Is this helping?”

Todd doesn’t turn to face him- can’t turn to face him. He stares instead at his own hands, frostbitten fingers carefully encased by Dirk’s as he attempts to warm them. Cold enough to feel distant like a memory. But not numb. Not completely. Just enough feeling left in them to register Dirk’s well-meaning ministrations scraping his raw, freezer-burned skin like sandpaper.

It isn’t helping. It isn’t helping at all.

“Yeah, Dirk,” he chokes out through chattering teeth. “Thanks…”

But it’s all in his head. It’s all in his head…

(drawing variations courtesy of my camera’s cool filters)

Undercover

Requested: Nope

Pairing: Theo Raeken x Reader

Description: Gerard’s army had grown, by a lot, fortunately for you though you were apart of this army, so people trusted you, which worked in your favor since you were secretly a supernatural being yourself, but nobody knew that, they only saw you for what you portrayed to be, a killer of the supernatural.

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 3,368

A/N: Wowww hey guys, so it’s been a while since I’ve written like anything, I’m in such a slump and I have intense writers block and just feel so unmotivated. But I want to get back into writing, therefore, I wrote this random Teen Wolf imagine. I kinda just created this in my mind and then just wrote it down. I personally don’t think it’s that great, but maybe you all will like it?? I dunno, but anyways try to enjoy it, I’m kinda iffy on it ngl.

Originally posted by goatsandbuckets

“Everything will change, Scott won’t even know what hit him, once we kill his Beta his whole pack will crumble.” Gerard grinned, as his whole army cheered in admiration.

You on the other hand watched in disgust, all these people were brain washed by this delusional old man who thinks he can overtake the whole world.

You were quickly snapped out of your thoughts from the sound of Gerard’s voice.

“Y/N, you know what to do tomorrow correct?” Gerard pulled you aside, as you nodded in response.

“Of course, how could I forget?” You replied, giving one of your famous smirks, making Gerard laugh darkly, nodding in fascination.

Yes, you were one of his favorites in the group, one of his greatest weapons, if only he knew you were secretly supernatural, then the roles would be completely opposite.

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Not Okay- Jeff

Request: could you do a imagine where the reader is a new student and try’s to find a class instead of finding it she gets lost and goes in to the gymnasium where she finds Zach(or Jeff) crying because his girlfriend broke up with them and she tries to comfort him and they end up together.

I can do a part two if you like it and want me to continue. I ended up going with Jeff since I have a lot of Zach imagines right now.


Originally posted by umpontoazulnoceu

Not Okay- Jeff

Being the new student was never easy. Being the new student at a big ass school was even harder. It was the third class of your second day; which also meant that would be the third class of the day you’d be late to. You walked down another hall pretty sure you were just walking in circles. Theoretically room 108 should be between 107 and 109 but apparently that wasn’t how this school rolls. Thinking you finally found the room you opened the cracked open door to see a large gymnasium with most of the lights off; completely empty other than one student sitting on the bleachers.  

“Hey can you help,” you stopped when you realized the guy’s eyes were puffy and he was wiping away his tears, “are you okay? Actually that’s a really stupid question you’re obviously not okay. Do you want to talk?”

He nodded and you sat next to him on the bleachers completely abandoning the idea of going to class.

“I’m Y/N, any particular reason you’re sitting in the dark gym by yourself? Because that’s setting off many red flags in my mind right now.” You joked hoping to calm him down.

“I’m Jeff,” He started pausing to regain his composure, you tried not to notice that he was really attractive, “and this is my Tuesday ritual. You know cry my eyes out in the gym, scare the new girl, it’s really fun you should try it.”

You laughed and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, “Look I may be a stranger and if you don’t want to talk about it that’s cool but I’ve been told I’m a great listener.”

“My girlfriend, well ex-girlfriend now, cheated on me.” He admitted casting his eyes downward. You took a moment to gather your thoughts. Most of them consisted of wondering how a girl could cheat on someone as beautiful as him, and as much as you hated the insensitivity of it you were also considering the fact that he was very single.

“Well for one that girl is insanely stupid because I’ve known you for like two minutes and I already know that you are an incredibly sweet guy. I know this is the most useless piece of advice ever, but you can’t let some girl who doesn’t even realize how amazing you are get to you.” You rambled completely unsure of how to help. All you knew was that you needed to find the right words, because he deserved reassurance.

“I know you’re right. I just don’t know how to just ignore her. I don’t know how to not let her get to me.” He admitted.

“Let’s skip,” you responded without thinking, “get out of here and do something fun. You need a distraction.”

“Isn’t it like your second day? You shouldn’t miss it.” He said sniffling slightly.

“I got the gist of it yesterday. It’s not like it’s my first day. C’mon we’re going anywhere but here.” You told him and stood up offering your hand to him which he took gratefully.

Soooooooo….. Barry and Iris have hit a bit of a skid in their relationship which means I’ve got a new roommate until they patch things up. You’d think it’d be awesome living with a guy who can clean the entire apartment in five seconds flat, but it’s actually pretty unsettling. 

On a related, unrelated note, things in my own romantic life have been less than stellar since Gypsy ghosted me to go back to Earth-19. You think dating a girl in another state is hard; try keeping the flame burning when there’s an entire multiverse between you. 

Anyway, to stop Barry from speed-rearranging my digs every two minutes, and to deal with our mutual heartbreak, I took my boy out for an afternoon of pure bromance. And what better way to do that than to recreate the most bromantic movie moments in the history of tinsel town? 

We began with a rigorous beach volleyball match, a la “Top Gun.” I say rigorous because the sand was really hot, and not because we were at all competitive with the locals.  In staying true to the film, we learned that it’s insanely stupid to play volleyball in jeans.  Lesson learned.  Plus the net is a lot higher than it looks. Getting our… denim… kicked in beach volleyball, worked up quite the appetite, so we headed to get some pizza and arcade time in – Woody and Buzz style in Pizza Planet. Barry tried to make me wear the cowboy hat, but if you really want to go to infinity and beyond, I think it’s pretty clear which of us has the power to take you there.

My first instinct was to close out the night with a healthy second breakfast, in homage to Samwise and Frodo. But I felt like anything having to do with rings was probably a bad idea, given Barry’s current jam. Naturally I defaulted to some butter beer wizard style.  But in this case, the adult kind which led us to some Shabu-Shabu and hit the magic castle.    

Update: it’s now 3:00 AM and he’s plucking the lint off the couch quilt… I love Barry, but being bros all day is exhausting. I need my eight hours.